“I always love you, shut the fuck up. ANYWAYS…. bbno$.”

“My kind of rizz is asking for tit pics like I’m asking my mom for Fortnite money.”

“I need him to grab my ass like that. Spread it like butter.”

“Don’t squirt in the target.”

“Victory is hallow and meaningless.”

“Idiots with Lyme disease don’t get pop tarts.”

“I don’t wanna be a femboy anymore, but I do wanna be fertile.”

“What have you done to deserve your hands today?”

“Dawg… no nudes in the Panera.”

“You have the best resting bitch face of anyone I know.”

“Men can’t use regular chapstick because it’s GAAAY.”

“That’s it. You’ve been banished to eating uncomfortably frozen ice cream.”

“I felt part of me die when i saw blue koolaide speckling the white bulb of my magic wand.”

“I’m making salsa man.”

“I guess scratching my balls is bad luck.”

“Okay, so— the way my foot is going up your ass is sideways.”

“Take the wontons or STARVE.”

“Shiver me timbers I’m literally shaking in my panties.”

“You lie through your teeth.”

“Uninspired is a crazy adjective to use for a blowjob.”

“I had a little slice of pie… because I was feeling naughty…”

“Daddy is trying to drink his strawberry daiquiri in PEACE. PLEASE leave me alone.”

“Are you mixing wine and vodka? Are you stupid?”

“I bet you milk men.”

“They see you as small and helpless, they see you as just a child.”

“In time, your heart will open minds.”

“Tell me, can a heart be turned to stone?”

“I may fall— but not like this, it won’t be by your hand.”

“You’re starting up a fight that you just can’t finish.”

“Beg for mercy, it won’t help. Embrace the ending you were dealt.”

“To have you in my life was all I ever wanted.”

“I tried so hard to protect you but I failed to.”

“All we wanted was a chance to live our lives.”

“I think that tonight is when our stars align.”

“You made me hope again.”

“The bigger they are, then the more that they bleed. The deeper the scars that won’t heal.”

“The blood’s gonna stain but it won’t be mine.”

“But the life I fought for still isn’t mine.”

“You don’t have to spend your life looking backward.”

“The past is the past, it’ll never change.”

“I know you think you’re being selfless but you’re not.”

“You’ll wish you killed me, now I’m stronger.”

“Call me sweetheart and I’ll tear you apart.”

“Messin’ with my family means that soon you’re history.”

“Enemies surround me but the worst appear as friends.”

“Then you appear, together we’re here. And that’s all that matters somehow.”

“So when you’re near me, darling, can’t you hear me?”

“The love you gave me, nothing else can save me.”

“You seem so far away, though you are standing near.”

“I’d heard about you before… I wanted to know some more.”

“Honey, honey, how you thrill me.”

“You look like a movie star, but I like just who you are.”

“It’s a rich man’s world.”

“Look at me now, will I ever learn?”

“Mamma Mia, here I go again…”

“I can’t count all the times I’ve cried over you.”

“Anybody could be that guy— night is young and the music’s high.”

“Leave ‘em burning and then you’re gone.”

“With a bit of rock music, everything is fine.”

“I can chat with you baby, flirt a little maybe.”

“Don’t go wasting your emotion— lay all your love on me.”

“I wasn’t jealous before we met…”

“A grown-up woman should never fall so easily.”

“I was in your arms, thinking I belonged there.”

“The winner takes it all— the loser has to fall.”

“But tell me: does she kiss like I used to kiss you?”

“Nothing’s promised, no regrets.”

“You know the rules, you know the game.”

“I believe in angels— something good in everything I see.”

“If you see the wonder of a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail.”

“Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?”

“Won’t somebody help me chase the shadows away?”

“How I hate to spend the evening on my own…”

“If you change your mind, I’m the first in line.”

“Gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie.”

“Honey I’m still free, take a chance on me.”

“My love is strong enough to last when things are rough.”

“But I won’t feel blue, like I always do, ‘cause somewhere in the crowd there’s you.”

“I’m glad whenever I can share her laughter.”

“God bless the condom your parents never wore.”

“Your skull whistles when the wind blows.”

“This mf sprinkling his goo around like Johnny Appleseed.”

“Satan himself couldn’t pull that information out of me.”

“This is not a hear me out. This is a hold me back.”

“Do you do weddings? Like, as the [bride/groom/spouse]?”

“I am no better than a female bird.”

“You’re laughing… he’s fighting wolves for us and you’re laughing.”

“The lion respects everyone in life, the lion respects no one on the road. Especially if a Kia Soul is going twenty under in the left lane of the highway.”

“Oh no!! My lobster is too buttery and my steak is too juicy!!”

“Does he know he’s real?”

“I’m filled with hate usually but you have such a pure heart I’m cleansed momentarily.”

“I hate when people are funnier than me. Fuck you.”

“If the horse is dead why can I hear that bitch galloping towards me?”

“I’d still crack and fist that man like he’s my own personal sock puppet gang.”

“I am in need of breastfeeding.”

“Currently doing tricks on her strap.”

“He’s so full of himself— OKAY I’M TRYING TO BE FULL OF HIM TOO.”

“Jaw dropped (in preparation)”

“raw. Next question.”

“And the crowd is now holding their phones in their left hand…”

“Are you coming? Yeah. On the screen. CATCH!”

“This made my hole weak— oops I mean my whole week.”

“‘Get a load of this man’— IM TRYING.”

“Respectfully, King Arthur himself could not pull me out of you.”

“close enough. Spreads folds. 🫱(())🫲”

“I wonder what’s his squirting distance.”

“Best believe I ain’t getting off until I memorize every vein.”

“If flesh regenerates, why not teeth?”

“For some reason god said, ‘let me build you anime style homegirl.’”

“[name],,, that’s so mean. Do it again!”

“It’s too late for cock.”

“Hold on I’m fighting other dads in the parking lot.”

“You’re about as charming as a stick of butter.”

“Stares at you with autism in my eyes.”

“It’s so pink I wanna eat it.”

“welcome back my love could I interest you in a cockroach?”

“[name], please just do better.”

“What do you want from me? Bananas are like my favorite vegetable.”

“Long division is EASY, remembering the order of the months of the year is hard.”

“I CANT I WAS BEING CHASED BY A VERY LARGE MAN, HES VERY SCARY AND VERY BIG AND HAS VERY BIG BOOBS.”

“CALLING ALL BOTTOMS..”

“This is not a nipple safe space.”

“Don’t leave me pookie wookie smitten kitten fruitcake…”

“Somebody tase him.”

“I’ve come to the unfortunate conclusion that I’d let springtrap fuck me.” “No.”

“he's a girl queen pussy boss,, if you know what i'm sayin'.”

“I want to shove my dick so far in that man he hard resets.”

“Your body is NOT a temple.” “Their body is a fucking clown car.”

“Now that I’m done overreacting— *discord cutting out robot noises*”

“I could get hit by a car and they’d lean over my bloodied body and be like: don’t you dare go wasting my money.”

“I hope you get eaten by a freaking crab.”

“This is the skill issue they speak of in the Bible.”

“I’m not like you, I’m a ✨maiden✨ in love.”

“what IS a pope?” “it’s like the masked singer. But we all know who he is. And he doesn’t sing.”

“He looks like a scrub daddy that’s been through a lot.”

“I’m about to act inappropriately and I formally apologize.”

“They didn’t even achieve that.” “You’re from a long line of disappointments. Glad to see you’re keeping it up.”

“I don’t like you…. I don’t like when you make sense.”

“That doesn’t affect me because I don’t know what that is!”

“Why did that door just open by itself?” “It’s the word of god.”

“hey that’s an insane thing to say. I think that should be illegal to say. I think you should be in jail for that.”

“Nuns go to church, right?”

“She’s got enough toxic masculinity to be my dad.”

“Is Christmas coming up?” (SAID IN APRIL.)

“What’s a man whore?” “A MAN THATS A WHORE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN??? ITS IN THE NAME.”

“There’s this thing you might not understand, [name], called post nut clarity-”

“you know what a jelly bean is but not a queef?”

“I JUST TEXTED THE WRONG PERSON AMATEUR LESBIAN PORN GOTTA BE THE GREATEST.”

“Babe, why did I randomly get Lois griffin impressions? Not complaining. Just curious.”

“Do I need to bust out the baby Mozart?”

“Don’t fucking shush me. I’ll kill you.”

“Do you want a fucking cookie? Do your job.”

“I just shut up and took my scrap metal like a good boy.”

“Titties so deathly call her the boobonic plague.”

“Wisdom is chasing you but I fear you are faster.”

“Time to whip out that tissue with that one liquid that knocks you out!” “CHLOROFORM?!?!”