💗Pre-Wedding jitters💍

It was a normal night for the two of them: Loki propped up on pillows, resting on a 45-degree angle with Cas laying his head on Loki’s chest, his head bobbing with the rise and fall of Loki’s chest and the sound of Loki’s heartbeat like a lullaby. The god absentmindedly ran his fingers through Cas’s brown hair, flipping through the pages of his book.

“You know what’s crazy?” Cas asked, his voice laced with a sleepy undertone.

“Hm?”

“That a year ago we didn’t know each other existed.”

Loki thought about where he was a year ago. He was with Thanos, tortured by the heat and the Mind Stone. In the darkest corner of the universe, wishing he would die. Wishing he wouldn’t live long enough to face his father or brother, or even mother again. “Indeed, much can change in a simple year.”

“We didn’t know each other, and now I can’t imagine myself or my life without you.”

Loki stopped mid page turn. Nobody had ever said that to him. All his life, he was expendable. The spare. And it wasn’t until Odin had revealed his true nature that he got confirmation about it. In the eyes of Asgard: Loki was nothing. You could remove the dark-haired prince from the picture, and nothing would change, save the lack of pranks and chaos and mischief.

Almost a year ago, he was terrorizing the city, obliterating everything in his path to get the Tesseract. When he emerged from the fog of Thanos’s control and saw all seven Avengers looking down at him, he knew this was all his fault. He knew there was no redemption for this. No redemption for him.

Until the spider spoke up.

“Alright, get him on his feet. You can all stand there posing up a storm later.”

“Wait!” Cas stopped the team as Thor went to grab and handcuff Loki. The team turned and looked at him, very confused. “We should… I don’t think-”

“Spit it out, kid.”

“I think we should let him stay…” Cas mumbled.

“What?”

I think we should let him stay!” The S.H.I.E.L.D agents now stopped to look at Cas. That was a stupid idea.

“Okay, kid, I know you were under his weird scepter thing, but you’re out of that now, so you’re allowed to think rationally again-”

“No, Tony- I am thinking rationally.”

“Really? Because it sounds like you’re letting Mr. Just-destroyed-almost-all-of-New-York over here stay in the city he destroyed.” Nat chimed in.

“I know what I’m saying. But when I was under his control, I, like, saw into his mind. You did too, right?” Cas asked Clint.

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t pay much attention to that.”

“Well, I did. And what I saw was someone not thinking straight. Someone not under their own influence. I know it sounds crazy but he didn’t mean to do all this. Not fully.”

“You know,” Tony started, “maybe we should keep him, then send these two lovebirds to the same mental hospital. Maybe you two can kiss through the bars or something.”

“Tony.” Cas grabbed the billionaire by the arms of his tattered armor, “Do my eyes look blue to you?”

“Well we don’t know for sure if I’m colorblind or not. Hell, my suit could be green for all I know-”

“Tony!”

Tony sighed, “No, kid. They look normal.”

“Then you know I am being serious. If it were any other criminal, you’d arrest them and take them into a correctional facility.”

“Kid, that is literally what we are doing.”

“No- I’m saying- We’ll keep him in the basement of the tower, give him a nice place to stay here and I can… try to help him.”

“...You do realize how crazy you sound, right? Should we ask Jarvis for a temperature scan?” Tony placed an armored hand against Cas’s forehead.

“I know.”

“Listen, if you do this. That means you have to keep an eye on him 24/7, alright? You have to make sure he doesn’t go wreaking havoc again, and if he does? It’s your fault.”

“The Allfather will want him to answer for his crimes-” Thor spoke up.

“I do not care about the ‘Allfather’. Besides, he didn’t seem too kind to Loki in his memories.” Cas turned back to Tony, “I know I’m the youngest here. I know I’m not as strong or as smart as all of you, but I have heart and I am a part of this team.”

Tony pursed his lips, then nodded once to Thor, who threw the god in handcuffs his way.

“This is a big ask, Casper.”

“I know, Tony.”

Tony pursed his lips, sighing. “Alrighty people, back to work!”

Loki remembered how Cas had brought him to his room, which, thankfully, had been mostly untouched by the destruction he had caused. He remembered how gently Cas took the handcuffs and muzzle off of him, how Cas ran a cold bath for him. He remembered how Cas wordlessly washed his hair, to Loki’s discomfort. He remembered how Cas softly cleaned his wounds, and how only his mother had ever done that.

“You didn’t have to do that.”

Cas said nothing.

“You’re mad at me, yet you are washing my hair.”

“I can be mad at you, and care for you at the same time.”

“I could leave this place. Choke you, leave you bleeding into the bathtub as I make my escape.”

The threat made Cas shiver, “No.”

“No?”

“You won’t.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You’re right. I don’t. But I do know that your other option is facing the wrath of your abusive father. And that terrifies you.”

Loki looked away, scowling, knowing the spider was right.

“So, you’re stuck with me. Here.” Cas threw the god a towel. “Dry off and change.”

“Into what clothing?” Cas threw that at Loki too. “You’re going to watch?”

“I have to make sure you don’t go anywhere. Trust me, I’m not grossed out by your… package.”

Loki grumbled.

Loki thought about how Cas had truly changed him over the course of this one year. Cas had been kind to him in a way no one ever had before, and that, against his better judgement, made Loki fall in love with him. A Midgardian, a mortal, of all beings. 

His own words rang in his ears. He remembered what he had said to his brother minutes before he fell from the Bifrost. “What happened to you on Earth that turned you so soft? Don’t tell me it was that woman. Oh, it was.” Loki didn’t understand what Thor had felt, but he felt it now. He understood now.

“I could say the same thing about you, my darling.”

Cas smiled, looking up at the prince. “I love you.”

“I-” That was the first time Cas had spoken those words. And the way he said them–he meant it. He meant every word. “I”, him, Casper. “Love,” adore, cherish, treasure.” “You,” me, Loki.

I love you too. He should say it back. It was truly how he felt, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Loki had said those words before, but they had always been empty. To say it fully, to say it truly was a risk. And it was one he was not brave enough to take just yet.