Illusion

im at a loss..

So basically I am biologically a girl. The past years I've identified myself as with either she/they or gender-fuild (She/he/it).

But more recently, I've the last year I wanted to become a boy, a femboy specifically. The hard part about it is that I also feel like a girl sometimes. Which is where the gender-fuild comes from. But I'm thinking of doing mostly he pronouns for a femboy. BUT I do have a big chest (kinda) and I don't wanna take them off, I don't have the money too and I just don't wanna go through that. I also really like my longer hair and I find it suits my face better then short hair. I also just have a more pear/curvy shaped body. So with all of this id still just look like a women which is why I feel like I'm a fraud if I go by it. I don't want people to think Its a "fetish" because it's not I promise..but nobody will take me seriously when I wanna get nothing done to myself. I'll just look like a women. I know the trans community will come at me and say I'm not doing it bc I actually wanna be trans. I don't know it's hard like I said, and sometimes I do wanna be a girl...but it's all so confusing and I feel like a fraud. I wish I was a boy that was skinny and I had no chest but that just isn't me I guess.