If my brain was a CD, it would only have your voice.

What do you do when you're the reason that nothing ever lasts?

girls like me were not made for your love. can't you see that yet? the smallest of things can send my head in circles until i am doubting every aspect of who i am and what we have become. girls like me are not worthy of your patience and tolerance and selflessness. you are the only ones with the power to heal us and that is terrifying in every way. we see you and we need you and that need, it shakes our bones and reminds us of what happened the last time we needed something. for me? it reminds me of all the scars covering my thighs and it reminds me of how it very nearly killed me. it reminds me of the boy who was my only happiness and the way i stopped breathing when he left. it reminds me of the feeling of safety you give me and of how easy it is to take that away. girls like me can never feel worthy of your love. you give me so much and yet there are nights when i lie awake knowing that this is wrong, we are wrong, that this could never last because who i am is something that will only bring you pain. and you cannot understand that - you promise that you love me and that i make you so happy and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and yet, even as your eyes beg me to stop thinking this much, i think and think and think myself into a place from where nothing you can do will ever haul me out. and you, with all your kindness and perseverance cannot understand why you've failed and i, with all my love for you, cant bear to hear the way your voice shakes when you realize that you have. girls like me cannot be saved by love and healing. girls like me are addicted to something that hurts, even when it comes to love. girls like me need someone who throws us down to the floor and reminds us that we are not good enough. girls like me need flashes and flames not the steady warmth that heals. girls like me are only going to break your heart, even as we die loving you. girls like me were not made for your love.

me: sorry I dropped off the face of the earth, I've been so busy haha wow life