— David Cronenberg, Consumed

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@barleyinthewind
— David Cronenberg, Consumed

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there is a creature
who camps out deep
inside the pits of my stomach
he has been here for as long as
i can remember
his name is guilt
and he keeps me up most nights ; especially
those in which i spent all day filling my body with laughter
he doesn't want me to forget he's there
so he pushes the laughter and the butterflies and the good foods
all the way up and out of my throat
until he is the only thing left, he loves to come out and visit before i sleep
he tucks my hair behind my ear and reminds me
of every time ive been a disappointment,
he tells me stories of all of the people before who could not
love past the guilt
he tells me no matter how good i am now
the fight i have is not enough, the love that pours from my fingertips is not enough because i
have so much to be guilty for
there is no vacancy left inside of my body
and not in comparison to mine, his hands were those of an artist struggling to feel something

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yeah, i read a poem once,
it said something about
fuck-
it was something about;
about falling in love
or finding a soulmate
or meeting a twin flame
and then it was something about;
the way you looked at me
the first time you kissed me and
then maybe it was something about
the first time we fucked ; and
something- something -
about the way you own my
entire soul
and the way you didn't even
have to try
and something about raw
dirty unfiltered unwavering feelings of
animalistic lust or
something about the orgasms
and
something something
something about you
one -
the rabbit runs through the woods
it's heart beating
out of its little chest
two-
the breath of the bloodhound
rushes behind the rabbit
he needs her
he begs and pleads for a meal
three-
the rabbit slows down
what is her purpose if not to give
the sweet canine
his sustenance
four-
she felt as though she was in eternal slumber
until this chase;
she stops
in her tracks
until he reaches her
pleading with her
he's been so hungry for so long
five-
he approaches
snarling
showing the teeth
as if to say "i need you,
your scent is intoxicating"
she closes her eyes and feels his teeth
sink into her neck,
poor little rabbit
dying for him.
you have reached the voice mailbox please leave your message after the tone-
[beep]
i thought of you today
again
your bright blue eyes in the sunlight
the way you’d tap
your fingers on the steering wheel
to the beat of my favorite songs
the way
you’d stare at me-
as we drive over the bridge and i turn to
look away from the water
and i’d see you
and laugh out a “look at the road dummy!”
and you’d smile that
crooked smile
and i’d think to myself
“god now’s the time i have to tell you that i re-“
[beep]
and when you can’t breathe, i’ll sit on the bathroom counter while you eat fruit snacks in the tub
of lukewarm water
and we will talk
and share music
and once all of the bubbles
in your bath
dissipate
i’ll lead you to bed-
wrap you in
my arms
and remind you
to take a breath in
you’re okay-
and breathe out.
it’s monday morning
the grounds are icy
and the birds are chirping
and that's where i'll be-
in the song that plays on shuffle
that you heard me sing in the kitchen over and over
i will live on
in every flower you stop to
take a picture of because the memory of my
excitement over every little thing
is etched into your brain
and when the sun shines through at 6 am
when you wake up on a random tuesday morning
and somehow you're certain you smelled my perfume
or heard me getting ready in your bathroom
i hope the feeling of my body
dances on your fingertips
where you brush over that
empty spot in your bed
where i used to sleep

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