Wink Wonk

oh no dont eat food, dont you know it has autism chemtrails in it?! your star sign beams you all the vitamins you need

just found out water has a molecule in it, NO THANKS PAL! You know what else has a molecule?? a knife

i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me

I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.

At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee

a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and  whispered “count olaf”

once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”

A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.

Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.

Girls are a fucking gift don’t let anyone tell you otherwise

Wisdom teeth are so weird cause my body is like, “hey I know you are done growing but would you like some…MORE TEETH???? And I’m like, “hell no, theres no room,” but then my body is still like *slamming fists on table* “more teeth! MORE TEETH! MORE TEETH! MORE TEETH! M O R E T E E T H”

Oh there’s no room? That’s fine we’ll just gRoW TheM IN FuvKiNg SIDEWAYS

Literally just got my wisdom teeth out this morning and this is the first time I’ve ever seen this post 🤔

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a clapping, As of ass cheeks gently clapping, clapping at my chamber door.

“tis a visitor,” i muttered, “dummy thicc, and nothing more”

hey anyone want some upsmexy ? x3

lol xD whats upsmexy????? :3c

nothing much :3 how abt u ?? x3 xDDD

xDDD x3 OMG u got me xDD :3

wow i love this

One of the truest things I’ve ever heard is that people who say they’re “brutally honest” are more interested in the brutality than the honesty.

when i get murdered i want it to be so perfect and mysterious that i get featured on buzzfeed unsolved true crime with only one theory and it’s about aliens

when

I would have a really hard time not

This image physically tempted me

this year is personal, its really me vs me.