I hate having to have thick skin

I hate that I get brushed off and told "its a cruel world"

I hate that I have to bend to the will of the world instead of ppl just being fucking kind

I hate that i have to choose either being numb or being cruel

I've been ok during the quarantine like physically safe making sure I do my part ... but I feel like I'm slowly losing it mentally and emotionally.

I miss my friends

I miss my family

I miss all the adventures boo and I had planned

I miss the gigs that were cancelled

I grieve for the folks that should be here

I worry about rent and bills and food

And as positive as I want to be every time I turn on the news or see ppl out doing fuck shit it makes me angry and hopeless. It seems like things here are getting way worse instead of better.

I'm doing my best to rely on my healthy coping skills but it seems like its just not enough. Even the unhealthy ones arent doing anything anymore.

This pandemic has also put a spotlight on just how shitty and insatiable humans are...