fennec

i'm. tired. i feel as if everything i have done or will do will still amount to nothing. i plucked myself from everything i knew, and moved to a new state. since then it has been nothing but surviving and i'm so tired lol. the first three months were nothing but screaming with or at my partner, crying because i genuinely didn't know what i did to deserve such an angry household and eventually leading me to hurt myself from feeling so overwhelmed with emotion. pulling my hair, hitting my head against walls, punching myself. anything to make the room go silent. the medication has helped him and since then things have been incredibly better, but the first few months made me honestly think "one of us is dying."

i feel alone? over half of my family doesn't talk to me, and almost all of my friends but maybe two have almost forgotten that i exist now that i moved. i have always felt as if i was a secondary or tertiary character in peoples' lives but this move has cemented it in my brain. i am in a (sometimes rocky but VERY NICE LOL) relationship and yet i still feel incredibly alone. i have made friends at work but it still just feels as if i mean nothing to these people.

i know its all very "woe is me" vibes but i cant fucking help but think this way. what did i ever do to deserve this? why do they all hate me? i genuinely try to be their friend but i can't help but think it is all for nothing. why do i even bother sometimes?

Does anyone know who he’s from??