
tannertan36

Origami Around


if i look back, i am lost
occasionally subtle
Sweet Seals For You, Always
hello vonnie
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
we're not kids anymore.
Sade Olutola
trying on a metaphor
AnasAbdin

izzy's playlists!

⣠Chile in a Photography âŁ
Show & Tell

@theartofmadeline

Janaina Medeiros
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Aqua Utopiaïœæ”·ăźćșă§èšæ¶ă玥ă
Cosimo Galluzzi
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@bapficsforlife

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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shoutout to the guy in charge of the train station at my hometown, who doesnât limit himself to announcing trains but also:
comments on interesting birds he sees on the platform
gives completely unofficial weather reports on what he thinks the day is going to be like
refers to very crowded trains as âfriendly trainsâ
regularly congratulates everyone on having gotten up on time on Monday mornings
basically seems to use the tannoy system to amuse himself and try and brighten up everyoneâs morning commute
refers to himself as âthe fat controllerâ
what magical land do u live where thereâs something other than a robot in charge of the train announcing
The freedom to protest needs to be protected more than ever. (x)
follow @the-movemnt
THEY ARE SYSTEMATICALLY TAKING AWAY OUR RIGHTS & FREE SPEACH, IF THEY SUE THEN YOU SUE BACK. IF THEY FIGHT, FIGHTBACK.
All the links from the White House website are gone, but the Affordable Care Act is still in effect, and you can sign up for health insurance until January 31.
Trump and his cronies may want to kill it, but that takes time (especially now that key players are waffling and the insurance industry have noticed that it will rain chaos down upon them). So sign yourself up. Get in a free checkup, a round of antibiotics, a birth control implant, while you have the chance.
If anyone needs help applying, ping me.
TodavĂa puede inscribirle en Obamacare. Si necesita auyuda, pĂdame.
Would you all mind boosting this? I donât usually ask, but Obamacare is a big deal for me. I havenât had to dose anyone with veterinary antibiotics in years, and I really want to keep it that way.
Please signal boost this, friends.
Past Lives
Monday Blues Continued....
The streets were flooded, the aftermath of the rain has not only dampened the streets but also the mood of people in the city who just wanted to see the sun again. Youngjae heard that it was going to rain all week and knew he will do nothing with this constant rain.
 Youngjae frowned when his shoes squeaked for the tenth time in a row. His socks were soaked and most of the right side of the jeans drenched I was all thanks to Junhong.Â
The tall man thought it would be fun to jump into all the puddles that soaked up the sidewalk. Just imagine it, a six-foot fool jumping in puddles like a kid who hasnât seen rain in months.
âWould you stop jumping!â Youngjae pulled Junhongâs sleeve. His black jacket. was practically drenched, as much as his designers pants, shoes, well everything. Junhong laughed and continued to jump, with no care in the world. âOh, to be rich,â Young Jae thought to himself as he pulled into his warm gray raincoat,
A mother right next to them who was trying to take her child to school glared at the tall overgrown child. Junhong had just wet her when he jumped onto the puddle in front of them. Youngjae was used to people either glaring at them or just staring. Junhongis an attractive man, and people usually glared at him whenever Junhong was around. Youngjae just shrugs it off, jealousy is so petty. Junhong clung onto him as the ladyâs glare made Junhong whimper but barely madeYoungjae flinch.
âSheâs mean,â Junhong whispered onto Youngjaeâs ear.
âYour just annoying!â Youngjae swatted Junhond face away from his.Â
Junhong is great if you ignored his annoying tendencies like jumping in puddles, or beatboxing in the grocery out of the blue when Youngjae just wanted to buy chips, or start breakdancing as he walked (he always does this) or just asked the stupidest questions like; do dogs laugh and if they do what does humor mean to them? Â But this helps Youngjae keep his mind off the turmoil in his head.Â
Junhong laughed and winked at Youngjae.
He still could believe that he had agreed to meet with Daehyun after all,
âI cannot believe you agreed to meet with Daehyun,â Junhong said as he hooked his arm with Youngjae. Junhong leaned close to to the shivering friend with a worried gaze.
âShut up.â Youngjae said frowning instead of saying, âShit I donât KNOW WHAT I AM DOING!?!?!?!â
But his face gave it away.
âDoes anyone?â Junhong asked lifting his brow.
Youngjae glared at his friend making him shut up. Youngjae wanted toÂ
He has been doing that a lot, lately, he kept to himself. For Youngjae nothing mattered much anymore. He hardly had the motivation to go to work, but he needed to pay bills plus he actually liked his students. If it wasnât for Junhongâs constant pestering he would never go out. Junhong is a good friend, but Youngjae will never tell him that.
âYou know the second it gets weird just raise your hand like you are about to sneeze, look like this--look-- you are not looking--good--and I will be there in a flash,â Junhong grinned waving his free hand around even if Youngjae wasn't really looking.
âI did not ask you to come,â Youngjae said but was grateful. Junhong just showed up that morning shouting in front of his door like every morning that past week.
Earlier that morning:
âYoungjae!â Junhong knocked on Youngjae's front door.
âHellooo?â He continued.
âI miss you let's hang out,â Â Junhong shouted.
âNo,â Â Youngjae mumbled into his pillow.
âIâm here already.â Â the knocking started again.
âNo,â Â Youngjae groaned.
âCome on let me in!!â
âGo AWAY!â Youngjae shouted.
âBut hyung itâs cold out here and dark!â Â Junhong whined.
âItâs not my fault you are out there,â Â Youngjae shouted back
âHYUNG!â
âITâS FUCKING SIX IN THE MORINGâ
âLET ME IN!â
It went on like that for a couple more minutes until the neighbors complained and Youngjae had to let Junhong in. He looked at the young man who was grinning from ear to ear and shook his head. There was no way he was going to win.
âGood morning!â Junhong hugged Youngjae.
Youngjae decided to ignore Junhong and walked back to his room, âIâm was going back to bed to sleep.â.
Junhong being Junhong happily followed him.
âGet off my bedâ, His face was already on his pillow. Sleep was calling hm
âNo, itâs fluffy.â Â Junhong got under the covers and snuggled next toYoungjae who sighed loudly but didnât have the strength to push his friend away. This wasnât Junhong first âsleepoverâ Â and Junhong was just a very affectionate person, Youngjae was forced to get used to it since was the total opposite.
âJust kill me now,â Youngjae grumbled.
âThatâs for later hyung,â Junhong laughed at Youngjae exasperated face.
Youngjae groaned turning to his friend who could help to smile at his misery, âI just want to sleep.â
âThatâs all that you have been doing lately, it's not healthy.â Junhong brushed Youngjae hair off his forehead.
They had gotten closer these past weeks, maybe it was because he had pushed everyone else away and Junhong was the only one who didnât mind to his frigid character.
âI have to meet Daehyun today,â Youngjae managed to whisper out.
âWhat, why?â Junhong visibly flinched, he didnât like Daehyun even though they havenât met, âYoungjae, you are only going to get let down again.â
âDonât start Junhong,â Youngjae grumbled.
âHe is an asshole, he has been ignoring you. He hasnât even talked to you in months!â Junhong growled, âhe doesn'tâ deserve you.â
âHe is my best friend.â
âHe isnât acting like one,â
âJunhong please.â
Junhong frowned, and wrapped arms around his friend and pulled him close even though Youngjae complained, â I donât want to see you sad anymore.â
Grumbling Youngjae nodded letting Junhong warmth soothe him back to sleep. He missed Daehyun so much. It felt as if a part of him was gone. Nothing felt right anymore. Youngjae fell asleep in the middle of the argument and woke up to Daehyunâs phone call. Â Shit, he was late.
Youngjae thought to himself, âI did not know why Junhong bothers to keep up with me...â It is as if he knew when and where to be at all time.
He did not understand why Junhong would want to hang out with him.Â
How they met was a coincidence, both were being interviewed on the local radio station, Youngjae came in to talk about his latest book. And Junhong, well Junhong is an internationally acclaimed model. Youngjae never heard of him, but one glance at his long body, perfect skin, and innocent face (but donât let that fool you) Youngjae knew that he deserved all the fame he had. But Youngjae did not expect the model to get so attached to him.
 The first thing that Junhong said to him was, âDo you believe in love at first sight, cuz now I do.â At that same moment, Youngjae decided to ignore the model, but that proved to be an impossible task.
-----
Things were looking bleak with no sleep, wet socks, and he was late.
âI know, I just wanted to come, for like support.â Junhong grinned wider.
Youngjae grumbled, âWait here.â
Youngjae walked in the cafe, it was not that busy the rain had been persistent all morning. The smell of coffee and bread filled the air, making Youngjae feel at ease, not that he was nervous. Youngjae was never nervous ( that was a lie but Youngjae lied to himself a lot). But the second his eyes met Daehyunâs his stomach hit the floor, it felt if someone was scratching his insides and that made him feel like he was going to vomit. Fight or flight instinct was acting up and he felt like running.
âNonononono, I canât do this,â Youngjae screamed internally eyed the door, âfuck, Junhong where are you?â
âYoungjae!â Daehyun quickly got up and hugged Youngjae, who stood there awkwardly.
â Hi.â Youngjae finally hugged him back. Too late, no turning back now.
âCome, come, I already ordered, I got your favorite, French toast right?â Daehyun asked, speaking quickly, âAnd coffee, or course, still donât know why you put no sugar on it, thatâs just gross. Like how can you drink it like that, it--â
âYou put that much sugar on yours.â Youngjae cringed, good, just act like usual, criticize his every move.Â
Daehyun laughed, but it seems forced, Youngjae nodded to himself they were both nervous, this was off, they friendship was fucked. âGood job Youngjae you fucked up the only good thing in your life,â he thought to himself.
They settled down, and the food luckily got there just as Youngjae took the first sip of his coffee.
Daehyun like always stuffed his face  with pancakes and coffee making Youngjae impatiently wait for the âtalk.â
Youngjae pushed his food around not really eating it.
âI miss coming here,â Daehyun said between bites not really looking up at Youngjae yet.
âYeah,â Youngjae said, not really looking at Daehyun either. The food was usually good but today it tasted bland. Youngjae stomach was hurt and his palms were sweaty, he sensed nothing good was going to come out of this conversation.
Daehyun kept eating forcefully avoiding Youngjaeâs gaze.
âDaehyun what do you want to talk about?â Youngjae asked frustrated with Daehyun prolonged silence.
The the other stop between chews, he paused ad weakly smiled.
âWhy did you drag me out here if you had nothing to say.â Youngjae said, âThis is a waste of time.â Youngjae didnât mean that, but he was mad, frustrated and utterly scared.
Daehyun flinched at that and frowned. DAehyun looked around trying to come up with words.
The guilt made Youngjae look down at this coffee mug.
âI know we haven'tâ kept up much, your band is getting pretty popular.â Youngjae tried again, âweâ was Daehyunâs fault, he had avoided Youngjae at all costs. Youngjae had the right to be bitter.
âYeah,â Daehyun paused and took a deep breath, âYoungjae, when I told you I miss you, I meant it.â
âI know.â Youngjae sighed, he missed him too and a lot.
âI miss us, just hanging out like old times,â Daehyun mumbled.
âHmm,â Youngjae agreed, now all his time was with wallowing in his own misery and with Junhong.
âWhat you told me,â Daehyun started, making Youngjae looked up, âit doesnât change things, because, wellâŠâ Daehyun took a deep break, â Because, because I feel the same way.â Daehyun nearly whispered.
Youngjae's eyes grew wide, he couldnât speak.
âThen why havenât you talked to me, why have you been avoiding me? Why haven't you answered my calls? Why--â
âIâm sorry, I just had to think, I had to take time for myself, and just think.â
âWell that is pretty selfish, here I was thinking I fucked up. I thought that you hated me, I was constantly thinking of ways to make it up to you,â Youngjae looked out the window trying to look at anything then at Daehyun, his anger always gets the better of him, âReal smooth Daehyun, real fucking smooth.â
âIt is difficult for me,â
âYou donât think it was difficult for me? I told you that I loved you and you just left me, without saying anything, how do you think that made me feel? Youngjae closed his eyes â donât cry, donât cry, don't cryâ he told himself.
âYou already know that about me,â Daehyun defended, â Youngjae, I just had to take a time to think for myself, I canât just jump into things just liked that.â
âJump into the thing just like that?â Youngjae nearly shouted he took a deep breath trying to calm himself, âI wasnât asking you to have sex with me!â
âShh, Youngjae are being too loud!â Daehyun panicked.
âAnd youâre being a dick,â Youngjae said.
âYoungjae, what you said, it changes our relationship.â Daehyun tried to take control of the conversation
âWhat? You just said it doesn't change anything?â Youngjae said.
âI mean it does but it doesn't I feel the same, and it changes because there is  more that we can talk about.â Daehyun placed his hand over Youngjae's on the table, trying to sooth the younger one. But it wasnât working, Youngjae was disappointed, why was Daehyun being so selfish?
Youngjae glared at him.
âYou know Iâm not good at this, words donât come to me that easy. I never thought that you would feel the same way but, I know what I feel for you is something I havenât been able to forget, and that night you told me, I was so shocked. You know that you finally said what I wanted to hear. I guess I couldnât handle it until, it just hit me the other day that I maybe I can do it, maybe we can make this work!â Daehyun said excitedly.
âMaybe? Why do you say that?â Youngjae looked at Daehyunâs memorizing eyes, âYou think this will be a fling for me?â
âNo, of course not. I know you.â Daehyun grinned, âItâs you, you're it.â
Youngjae opens his mouth but no words came out.
âI love you Youngjae.â Â Daehyun squished his hand.
âYoungjae felt his face burned red, and there was the sensation in his stomach again, the ripping became a soothing butterflies fluttering, Youngjae couldnât help but to smile, this was what he wanted to hear.
âReally?â Youngjae whispered.
âOf course.â Daehyun laughed, âI love you, I always have. I have just been dense.â
Youngjae looked at three hands and couldn't help to smile more, he looked up at Daehyun who smiled back.
The door bell jingling as customers came in the cafe, they walked near the couple making Daehyun retract his hand from Youngjaeâs. Â
Youngjae tried to meet Daehyunâs eyes yet the older male looked away.
âWhatâs wrong?â Youngjae asked worriedly.
âYou love me right?â Daehyun whispered as if not believing Youngjae.
âYeah, I love you Daehyunâ It felt nice finally being able to say it freely.
He smiled, âWould you do anything for me?â
Youngjae rolled his eyes, âYou know that already. I will do anything for you, idiot.â
Daehyun laughed.
âThatâs why I love you,â Daehyun smiled, âYou act like you don't care about anyone, but yet you are so selfless.â
âIâm not,â Youngjae mumbled.
âStop being so self-deprecating Youngjae.â
âIâm not.â
âYoungjae.â
âI honestly don't know why you love someone like me.â
âBecause you are, youâ
Youngjae rolled his eyes and laughed, cheesy.
Daehyun took a deep breath, âYoungjae, what I am going to ask you is, a lot but I know we can make this work because we love each other. I would do anything for you. That is why I didnât want to give up. I needed to find a way.â
Youngjae inched close, âWhat is it?â
What was the thing that kept Daehyun from him? What was the thing that he needed to figure out?
âCan we keep this a secret?â Â Daehyun asked.
Youngjae took a deep breath, he felt himself go numb.
â I know, it is just that I might make it, my band, it is getting so popular what if my fans find out I'm⊠â Daehyun couldnât finish the sentence.
âGay.â Youngjae deadpanned.
âShhh.âDaehyun paled, Â âPlease, people --â
âPeople might hear?â Â Youngjae frowned. Of course, this was too good to be true.
âI mean we come here all the time, they know we are best friends so they wouldnât think anything but that we are just friends but anyone else...would..itâs not something I want people to know especially my fans,â Â Daehyun explained not knowing how much that hurt Youngjae.
âI canât believe this,â Youngjae mumbled.
âIt will be easy,â Daehyun said, âIt will be like acting, you were really good at that one play in college.â
âI canât just act like we are not dating in front of our friends!â Youngjae chest was hurting now too, he felt his body just ready to shut down on him.
âBut you said you loved me.â Daehyun whispered, âthat you would do anything for me. And I want to be with you but this is the only way.â
âI do love you but,â
âPlease do this for me, please, I am not ready to tell my fans, my friend, my boss --I can't do that, not now,â Â Daehyun explained.
âEveryone knows I am gay,â Youngjae said, âthey wonât push you out, if they accept me then they will accept you.â
âYou donât understand.â
âI do.â
âItâs because you donât hear them!â Daehyun said, âthe way they talk about you and those people.â
âThose people?â
âYoungjae you wonât understand.â
Youngjae looked down, Â he felt like his chest was about to burst open, he bit his lip trying to hold the sob that was stuck in his throat. He going to burst at any moment.Â
He couldn't believe it Daehyun loved him, but did he really? He was too ashamed to let his fans know. Â Youngjae felt tears in his eyes, fuck no, not now. Youngjae bends his head trying to hide from Daehyun. He still could hear the awful things Daehyun was saying, he didnât want to anymore, he felt he was just going to be even more disappointed and heartbroken. He lifted his hand trying to cover his face or his tears.
âYoungjae you said that you would do anything for me.â Daehyun sounded upset.
Youngjae lifted his head to look at the man who continuously broke his heart. âYou selfish fuck, what are we just going to sneak around everywhere, hold hands only when no one is around, see how other people fawn at you and  watch you flirt with other girls?â Youngjae laughed, âYou already do that, and that fucking hurts, it will only get worse if we do this.â
âBut I love you,â
âNo, you donâtâ Â
âYoungjae please---â
âIf it isnât Yoo Youngjae!â Junhong appeared out of nowhere, âI havenât seen you since last that magical night, why havenât you called?â Junhyung asked and he leaned in close.Â
 Daehyun and Youngjae sat there agape turning to face the tall man.
âI must have forgotten,â Youngjae quickly recovered.
âOh, how you break my poor heart,â Junhong smirked.
âWho are you?â Daehyun looked between the tall man and Youngjae.
âJunhong,â Youngjae said, looking at the teen quickly, shit he had forgotten about the sign.
âLook we are busy, now---â
âI missed you,â Junhong bent down, caressed Youngjae's face, lightly. Making Youngjae blush, fuck you Junhong and your fucking confidence and perfect face.
âItâs nice to see you,â Youngjae said and actually meant it making the tall male smirk.Â
Junhong looked at him with so much love, Youngjae could feel himself squirm under his gaze. His eyes looked so bright, it was different than Daehyunâs, his wasnât as bright. Junhong looked at him with so much warmth that it was overwhelming, Youngjae lost himself in those warm brown eyes finding the comfort that he desperately needed.Â
Youngjae couldn't help but smile at Junhong when the younger male smiled at him. He had a tiny little dimple on the right side of his cheek, why hasnât he noticed that before?Â
Junhong and Youngjae leaned onto each other, feeding on each others warmth, Youngjae felt Junhong tilt his head, slightly with his hand making his heart speed up. Â Before he could process anything he felt Junhong's lips on his making his mind go blank. Junhong lips were so soft and so inviting it only made Youngjae forgot how to breathe, making it hard to concentrate on anything at all.
This was not supposed to happen. Slowly recovering from that kiss, Youngjae took a couple of deep breaths. He felt shivers, and couldn't take his gaze off Junhongâs lips.
âYou know I have a photoshoot in a couple of hours, I was wondering if you would like to join me before I go to work?â Junhong hand was still caressing Youngjae face, Youngjae squeaked, actually squeaked, what Junhong always this smooth? Fuck him.
âYoungjae,â
That finally snapped him back to reality, Daehyun looked shellshocked, âWhat is this?â
âSweetheart, I ain'tâ got all day,â Junhong purred in Youngjaeâs eye.Â
He was stuck between the sword and the wall, there was no way out.
This was it. Youngjae thought to himself. He saw the betrayal in Daehyunâs eyes, he could easily clear it up with Daehyun, but did he want to? Was it worth it?Â
Yes, he loved Daehyun, but did Daehyun love him the same? Youngjae knew that in love someone always loves the other person more. It was never balanced, love was never fair.
 Maybe Youngjae will always love Daehyun, more than he will ever love Youngjae.  Daehyun always had everything easily handed to him easily, he expected to get love so easily that he didnât realize what he was doing.  Youngjae wasnât perfect either, but he couldn't be in the shadows, waiting for Daehyun, always waiting for him.
He just wanted to be loved. Â And the only person who loved him was Junhong. The only person who is willing to sacrifice everything for him.Â
What was wrong with him? He wasnât willing to sacrifice himself for Daehyun, so why would he allow anyone else do that for him?
â Junhong, stop.â Youngjae pulled away from the younger male, âI canât be who you want me to be.â
Junhong tried to protest but couldnât come up with the right words.Â
Youngjae faced Daehyun for the last time.
â And IâŠ.I canât be with someone who is ashamed of  being with me.â Youngjae got up and walked out the door, without looking back. Oh, way to fuck u big time, not only he lost Daehyun but Junhong too. Why did he let himself get so involved with Junhong? And how did it happen?Â
Nearly tripping over his own feet as he ran in the freezing rain Youngjae finally  let himself cry. Â
âYoungjae waitâŠâ
âYoungjae!â
Youngjae rushed ignoring his calls until a hand grabbed his shoulder stopping him.
âYoungjae, Iâm so sorry, I fucked up. I am sorry. I was being selfish.â
âYou were.â Youngjae lips trembled, but he didn't want to cry in front of him.
âI wonât do it again, I swear.â
Youngjae closed his eyes, he just wanted to go home.
âPlease, Youngjae!â
Youngjae took a big breath, âWhy did you?â
âIâm sorry I wasn't thinking straight when I saw that-- Youngjae you are getting drenched here,â the other male pulled them over a porch that barely covered them from the rain, they were squished, but Youngjae was used to being this close to him, it was almost natural now. Youngjae let his head fall onto his friend's chest.
âIâm so sorry, let me make it up to you.â
âI am not mad at you.â
âHyung please look at me.â
Youngjae shook his head, as tears bubbled out of his eyes, why didnât he come out for him? Why wasn't he here? Â Â
The tall man looked so sad, his bright eyes downcast, looking back at Youngjae, he couldnât handle this, he just wanted Junhong to be happy again. His heart hurt seeing his friend like this. He hated feeling like this, he hated Daehyunâs selfishness.
âI hate him.â
âNo, you donât.â
Youngjae finally looked up at his friend, tears in his eyes, âBut I will and I hate that  the most, Iâm losing him.â
Junhong hugged him, â Iâm here hyung, he canât hurt you anymore.â
Young sniffled, but couldnât think of anything else but of Daehyun. He hated himself more than anything and hated the fact that they couldnât be with each other. Hated that he loved him. Hated that he was hurting Junhong too.
Junhong sighed, âIâm sorry I kissed you hyung, I was so mad. You looked so sad that I had to do something.â
Youngjae laughed but tears kept falling, âAnd kissing me had to be the only way?â
Junhong blushed, âYeah, to make him realize that, he isnât the only that can have you. To make him realize that you are precious to other people too. He thinks he can just keep you for his own. Fuck that.â
Youngjae sobbed, âI wish, that I loved you.â
There was a sad smile on Junhong face, â You never know hyung, you just might, I am that great.â
Months ago a random an annoying yet handsome boy just kept intruding Youngjaeâ life. âI think. No, I know, I have fallen in love with you!â Youngjae looked at the boy dead in the eyes, and said, âJunhong, love is for children, what you feel must be lust, now get out of my office, I have papers to grade.âÂ
That didnât discourage the young man. Â Â
That was just the start of a weird friendship where Junhong continued to visit Youngjae at work. He would flirt and mess with the old grumpy professor, not ever swaying or giving up on his love quest.
âYou took advantage of me you fucker.â Youngjae hugged Junhong.
âDonât say you didnât like it,â Junhong hugged him with the same intensity, both were terrified but grateful to have each other.
âShut up,â
âCome on hyung let's go, I have this new game I have been dying to buy.â Junhong brushed Youngjaeâs  hair off his face, making the older male glare at him.
âDonât you have to go to work?â Youngjae sighed.
âOh yeah--I made that up--come on, will you come with me? Letâs explore the city,â Junhong smiled teasingly.
âNo,â
âPlease.â
âI have papers to grade, lectures to prepare,â Youngjae just wanted to go home and sleep, and maybe die.
âYou really think I am going to leave you alone, you can barely stand on your own,â
True and true, Youngjae sighed, Junhong was too good to him.
âNo--fineâŠâ Youngjae sighed, and, âThanks, Junhongâ
âAnytime hyung.â
Youngjae let Junhong take him wherever he wanted. He needed to forget Daehyun. He needed to let go. He only wished that he could ever love Junhong some day with the same intensity that Junhong loved him.

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Monday Blues
You were always there and fitted into my life like you were always meant to be there, I guess I never thought that you were going to leave. Â You were too good to me that I grew selfish, I asked for too much, and pushed you away. You were busy with your career then and I was busy with my own work. I could see we had grown apart. But I still loved you, and still love you.
When did our this love grow so cold? Â Remember how we first met, you were struggling with your English class and were forced to go to the tutoring agency on campus. I was lucky enough, I guess, to be your tutor.
You were a total idiot, still are.
âShit, I really need your help, or I am going to flunk this class.â You walk in the room throwing a pile of papers onto the table.
âOkay,â  I sighed, and reach down his mess, and I picked up a sheet, âDaehyun?â
âYeah,â You smiled, brightly, you little shit.
You are a terrible writer, still, and I donât know how you manage to write your lyrics, and still wonder about that.
âI donât know how you got into collegeâ I crossed my arms.
You just stared at me for a long time and threw yourself onto the nearest chair shrugging, âWell I already know that. So letâs get started, yeah?â
Of course, you passed your class, or we wouldnât be in this mess. You just kept coming back, and  wouldnât work with anyone else.  You always talked too much. Even after work, you would walk with me to the library, talking about nothing yet about everything. You talked about your passions, school, work, anything. You always had something to say, and I always listened even though I pretended to ignore you.
âWhat do you want?â I asked exasperated on night at the library
You shrugged.
âI have actual work to do,â Â I grumbled.
âYeah, but I really need to tell you something!â You whined, âItâs real quick, I promise.â
âNoâ
âUgh. Fine, Iâll wait.â
You just sat there next to me messing with your phone at the library for hours. Always waiting for me. Â Why?
It surprised you when I would show up your shows. I always came to them, you know. I never missed one. I had to listen to your stupid band no matter how much I said I hated it. Â You know I lied about that, I didnât want to tell you how talented you are. It will go to your head. I know you, plus you would never let me live it down.
âYou came!â You would always shout excitedly and give me the biggest hugs.
And I just shrugged awkwardly. Â
I think the best times were when we explored the city together. You would always whine to me, and pull me away from my studying. Â You always found me in whichever cafe I decided to go study that day.
You would sit right across from me, lay your head on your arms right on top of the sticky tables and whine until you got your way. Â It was pretty cute.
You showed me parts of the city I never knew were there, you took me to your friendâs shows, art galleries,  and  museums. I met so many people because of you, I have forgotten all their names but their faces will be plastered onto my memories forever.
I still find people who know me by name asking for you, but what do I tell them now? Â
Your friends always asked.
âAre you together?â
âI wish.â You laughed, âYoungjaeâs my best friend.â
Well, that hurt. It always did, but I hoped that it developed into something else. I thought you were too shy to ask me out. Or maybe our time had passed.
Thereâs this emptiness I cannot fill right in the center of my chest, at times it is so painful I can barely breathe.
The pain means that I still love you, the numbness means that I have lost you forever. Â I am so scared of living in the world without your love. Just the thought of walking down the same streets without you in my mind is unsettling. That feeling that I had with you made my day warmer, it was as if I walk down the streets in spring.
Now Iâm freezing.
My sun is gone.
Remember what I told you?
âYou are like the sun.â
âI am?â You smiled, âWhy?â
I Â blushed and shrugged, but you never took that as an answer.
âEveryone follows you, youâre so fun to be with, thatâŠâ I shrugged again, âyouâre it.â
You got busier, your band got more shows, and you went on tours more often than not. I finally got accepted into my Ph.D. program and my nights were full of work. Â Soon we only saw each other when we happened to run into each other on the street or at your shows.
You would always try to hang out, Â make me go see you and your new friends.
At one point I realized I didnât know what you were talking about. We had grown so apart that I was scared, why did you still talk to me? Â Do you still think about me?
I saw the people you would hang out with, they were full of life, people who had traveled the world, with stories to tell. I didnât belong, I realized I never did.
I still member the night I confessed to you. It was after your show, I was so happy for you, it was one of the biggest events, your show sold out. Everyone was there, we were in your apartment âthe after partyâ and we managed to sneak off to your room
We both fell onto your bed laughing,
âI canât believe so many people showed up!â
âI guess everyone just loves your stupid voice.â
We both laughed.
âHey, I am really proud of you.â
âSo am I, I mean now you are a doctor.â
âShut up and let me speak for once.â
You laugh and nod. And we continued to talk about nothing. And out of nowhere I just told you.
âDaehyun, I love you.â
âI know, I love you too.â
âIâm serious.â
âMe too.â You laughed.
âShut up, Daehyun I fucking love you ,okay?â I shouted.
I was so scared, why did I have to tell you.
And you stayed there quiet with nothing to say. Later, I blame it on the drinks and the excitement of the night, but we both knew that was a lie. Did you ever love me? Or was this all one-sided, why would you take me out and show me your world if it didnât mean anything? Iâm so selfish. And if it was just out of friendship why did you stop talking to me? You said you cared, but you never really did. It has been months since I last saw you.
But I ran into you yesterday and you said
âBelieve me this hurts me too.â
I couldnât say anything.
âYoungjae, I miss you.â
All I could think of saying was âFuck you.â
You looked the same, but the brightness that you always had was gone. Are you sick?
I hate that I still worry for you. Â Himchan called me later that day saying that you wanted to talk to me. I told him the same thing I told you, fuck you.
I know you loved me at some point. Â I felt it, I really did. But if it was out of fear that you didnât pursue it I understand. Â I will get over you some time, it will hurt. But I know it will be too soon, and I fear that so much, I miss loving you and I miss you.
ââ
Later that nightâŠ.
*ring, ring*
âHello?â
âHey, itâs been a while."Â
 -Sigh- "What do you want?â
âLetâs meetâŠ.â
ââŠâŠâŠ.â
âYou know, I donât take no for an answer.â
âDaehyun, Iâm busy. I have a lot of papers to graââ
âTomorrow at 11:00 am the usual spot, âkay?â
âNo, I canât-hello? Daehyun? Daehyun-fucking idiot ugh!â Youngjae sighed and threw his phone.Â
Tomorrow just another day, Youngjae thought to himself. Another day, but he wasnât ready to face Daehyun. Will he ever be? Maybe he should pack up and leave for  Mexico, but that was the cowardâs way out, he really needed to talk to him, Daehyun was his best friend after all.
âââââ
That's alright and sure! :3. I'd like to request if you do member x member ships a himup one based of the skydive video. Please and thank you :3
This can be done!! What sort of storyline would you like? Or is this anything-goes~? <3-Admin White
Since you guys haven't replied yet so I'm here to ask for admin White's permission to translate 'H O L D' again đ I'm sorry for disturbing you so much like this but I really need your reply right now *crai* I understand if you guys are busy and stuff but Idk how to directly contact with admin White so I'm kind of worried cuz there's not much time left til Daehyun's birthday. So please reply me as soon as you read this (cuz you're saving my life đ ) thanh you~
Oh goodness! Sorry again I didnât see this!!! D: Iâd still love to see the translation when itâs up! Iâm so sorry. ;n; Weâve all been so inactive, and I had no idea you even left messages here. Ugh. I hate technology.-Admin White
Are you still taking requests?
Hi!
Admin Cee here. I donât know if Admin White is still taking requests, but me and Admin Feathers are a little too busy to even write :( We both talk about writing weekly, but fanfic writing time is usually taken over by research paper writing, etc.Â
I hope to start writing soon though! Then again I say this at least bi-monthly.Â
So, if you want to leave us a request we might get to it, but we probably wonât for a very long time....T_TÂ ~Admin Cee

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Fridays
âUghh,â Â Youngjae groaned as he moved in his tiny bed. The sun rays were coming in making it harder to fall back asleep.Â
Groggily he slapped around his bed (hitting something squishy that he did not register at the moment) looking for his phone, once he found his phone he clicked the screen on seeing it was 7:58.
âToo earlyâ Youngjae mumbled.
He had a pounding headache. Now he was regretting those five shots of tequila.
Scrolling through his phone he could see four messages. One was from his ex- boyfriend wanting to âtalk.â And another one was from a new guy he met last nigh,  just saying âHey ;)âÂ
Youngjae cringed, not bothering to look at the other messages from the other people he talked last night. One thing peak his curiosity.
He had a couple recorded message, Â and of course it was from his best friend Himchan.
â--Youngjae! Where did you go?! I am waiting at--Jongup where are we?â
âTaqueria el Sol.â
âWe are  at  Taqueria el Sol? El Sol, really? Oh Jonguppie look at that--â
âDo you think we can order that?â
âWhatâs it called--wait, Youngjae hurry up! We are in the line.â
âWasnât he with that one dude?â
âOh! You mean Anthony? Oh Youngjae?!?! Really?â
âNo wait I think he left with Zelo, Zelo was tired maybe they left together?â
âJongup stop playing with my emotions!?â
âI donât know, Zelo was tired  from work and wanted to leave early.âÂ
âCall him! YOUNGJAE ARE YOU GETTING LAID ALREADY? WHERE ARE YOU?â
âCan you turn that off?â Zelo groaned, next to him.
âWhat the fuck are you doing on my bed?â How did he not notice, Youngjae was squished against the wall. How could he not see a six foot tall kid on his bed.
âI didnât want to climb the ladder to my bed.â Zelo groaned as he grabbed the rest of Youngjae's blanket leaving to shiver.
Youngjae groaned, Zelo literally could jump on his bunk. And now he was cold.
Youngjae was too nauseous to fight Zelo off his bed. Instead he just cuddled closer to his friend.
âGay-â
âShut the fuck up Zelo, youâre on my bed.â
3 hours later
 Freshly showered Zelo walked up to  a grumpy and nauseous Youngjae, who was still on the bed.
 âArenât you getting up?â Zelo asked
âHungover, canât move.â Youngjae cringed.
Zelo smirked, and started to kick the bed.
âStop.â Youngjae whined.
The reason why he still lives with Zelo is a mystery. No he knew why, he is broke.
âIâm going to go see my friends at Union square wanna come with?â Zelo asked
âNo.â Youngjae groaned.
Zelo paused, âDonât stay on your bed all day.â
Youngjae smiled, âIâll try.â
Zelo continue to kick the bed, âCome on Youngjae---â
Youngjae groaned, âShhhâŠâ
3:00pm
Finally showered and ignoring three calls from his ex boyfriend Youngjae was ready to go face the world.
 Just as Youngjae stepped out of the door he decided to wear his leather jacket today just to give himself an emotional boost. Leather Jackets make any outfit a 10. Â
Once sitting in the busy cafe with a coffee and a muffin, he took out his laptop and a huge mess of notes. Â
âYou can do this! But maybe I should start with a little bit of tumblr?â Youngjae though to himself.
Thirty minutes later he decided to start his real work.
2 hours later
Youngjae groaned, he had nine pages on his research paper and still has a lot to say.
âYou okay?â
Youngjae looked up to the male across his table, â College sucks.â
The boy laughed,âTrue, just when you finish one assignment you have to start another one. Last week I turned in  the wrong assignments for all my classes.â
âShit, that sounds so stressful.â Youngjae shook his head.
âYou go to State?â The boy asked
âYeah, you?â Youngjae sighed. He should have just gone to culinary school, he would have been stressed but he would always have food.
âYeah, Iâm studying music.â
âReally? Actually my roommates, Zelo super annoying, but thatâs another story. So yeah, we went to a musical last week on campus it was great. I really donât like musicals, but I was impressed there was this one guy who could hit all the high notes. Zelo was saying really inappropriate things which made it really hard to pay attention, â
âWhat did he say?âÂ
 âYou donât want to know, I swear that kid may seem like an angel, but he isnât.â
The boy smiled more, âBut you liked the musical? Especially the lead singer?â
âYeah!â Youngjae paused, âHis voice was so captivating! I could hear the passion and the longing. I donât know, I could feel the JuliĂĄnâs pain, the emotion was all there, Â it was really hot, I donât give a fuck Zelo always give me so much shit about it.â
âIâm glad you liked it.â The cute boy smiled. Youngjae really liked his cute dimpled smile.
âWere youâre JuliĂĄn ElĂas Gil BeltrĂĄn?â Youngjae asked, trying.
âYeah, Â Iâm Julian .â The cute boy smirked.
âWhat?â Â Youngjae turned red.
âGlad you liked it,â he laughed, âI was really nervous, I didnât know if I connected with the audience.â
âYou were amazing!â Youngjae mumbled.
âWhy canât I just shut up?â He asked himself.
The cute boy blushed and quickly changed the conversation, âWhatâs your major?â
âItâs not as interestingâŠâ Youngjae paused, âI am studying art but I decided to minor in sociology, and now I have to write a research paper on Social Darwinism. I was trying to read Darwin's theory of evolution and how that connected with ideas of a better âraceâ  and genes which has lead to eugenics trends in the past. Also, I am trying to say that it society still perpetuating ideas of eugenics through new technologies, but people are renaming it liberal eugenics and saying that it is their freedom to choice--â Youngjae sighed, âFuck, sorry.â
The cute boy laughed again, and smiled widely at Youngjae.Â
Youngjae wanted to hear him laugh more, but the thing was he was too awkward to keep that conversation going. Youngjae wished he tired a little harder on his appearance, he probably looked like death. All that drinking the night before wasnât helping right now.
Youngjae tried to smile back, but couldn't salvage his ânerdâ spew (as Himchan calls it). Youngjae cringed at the prolonged silence.
âWell, my name is Daehyun, nice to meet you.â Daehyun smiled again.
âYoungjae, oh, likewise.â Youngjae looked back down at his notes, cringing at his own awkwardness. Â Â
âYoungjae?
âYeah?
âWanna go grab something to eat?â
âHuh?â
âI noticed you've been here for a while,â Daeyun paused, â And I know I canât function without food, so thereâs this good sandwich shop down the street wanna come?â
âYeah?â
âGreat! Letâs go Iâm starving!â Daehyun grinned widely.
Youngjaeâs phone buzzed.
 Youngjae quickly looked at it, it was HImchan
---Slut why havenât you called me????---
Youngjae rolled his eyes.
âReady?â Daehyun asked.
âYeah.â Youngjae shrugged.
 Youngjae wasnât too sure if he was ready to eat lunch with the hottest most talented guy on campus (besides Himchan). Also he was really not looking forward to calling Himchan. Himchan does not like to wait.
To the anon that messaged us foreeeeeveeer ago about missing YoungLo, I SERIOUSLY DO HAVE A FIC FOR YOU. I just cannot for the life of me figure out how to end it. It evades me. I will try to finish it soon. ;A;
-Admin White
Admin White brings a gift from Saturday night at the Rosemont Theatre. <3

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H O L D [DaeLo,Fluff]
"I got a tattoo." Probably not the first thing he should have said, but, it was too late now.
"You did what?" JunHong is giving him the most confused, incredulous look, like he's committed some terrible crime, or sinned himself into Hell, or something of that sort.
"I got a tattoo," DaeHyun repeats, as if it isn't anything monumental at all. Really, it isn't. Yongguk had a bunch of them, so why was it such a big deal for him? Sure, it had hurt like Hell, because his dumb butt had decided to have the thing put on his wrist, but that was beside the point, wasn't it? JunHong seems rather puzzled for a moment, before sighing. At least he seemed to accept the idea.
Understanding Love
Just wanted to put this here too in case anyone is thinking of reading this story. Iâm putting the story of AFF >Here<Â This is Rena and Jongupâs first date.
               Rena parked her car, a bright blue mazda 3, in front of Jongupâs house. She looked at her phone and saw he had responded to her when she had said she was on her way over.
       Jongup
                   Just got home from studio. Jumping in shower.
       âDamn⊠I should have checked before coming over,â Rena started tugging at her hair in thought. She looked up at the house and noticed the kitchen lights on and even more nervousness over took her. âI knew Iâd have to talk to his parents eventually⊠Just wish I wasnât going to be alone when I did.â
       Rena turned off her car, knowing she had to go in and deal with the potentially awkward moment of talking to Jongupâs parents. Parents who had not only known her since she was in diapers but, had also been there when she had claimed she would marry Himchan only at the age of 5.
She took extra time to look herself over before walking in. She had her front bangs pulled back making a small poof while the rest of her milk chocolate brown hair was straightened. Her shoes were comfortable, red converse, and matched her fitted tank top which was tucked into her black skater style skirt that hung from her waist to her mid-thigh. It was a cold outfit for the breezy spring night but, inside the club it would be perfect, especially with Yongguk as the DJ.
Finally gaining her courage, she knocked on the front door. Jongupâs mother opened the door with a big smile.
âRena! How lovely to see you. Please come in,â She hugged her tight and Renaâs nervousness diminished a little. It was an affect the Moonâs seemed to have over her. Mrs. Moon waved her in and immediately brought her into the kitchen where Jongupâs father was at the table on his laptop.
âHello Mr. and Mrs. Moon. How has your day been?â Hearing the shower still running, Rena sat down at the table with them.
âLots of students at the studio keeping us busy. We had to call Jongup in to help with the younger class,â Mr. Moon smiled happily. âSorry if it is cutting into your date tonight.â
Rena laughed nervously, âItâs fine. Yongguk doesnât start for another two hour.â
âHow are things with you, dear?â Mrs. Moon asks.
âAlright. Decent grades and my job at the cafĂ© is going better than I expectedâŠâ Rena fidgeted with her hair, twisting a strand with her fingers.
An awkward silence finally fell over the trio. It wasnât a usual thing which made Rena feel guilty, as if she was hiding a truth from her parents. Seeing the adultsâ exchanged glances, Rena knew it was more along the lines of confused parents wanting answers.
âI was surprised to hear the two of you were dating,â Mrs. Moon finally ended the suffering silence.
âHe asked me out,â Rena blurted out as if shifting the blame to Jongup to save herself.
Mrs. Moon chuckled, an angelic noise, âYou arenât in trouble, Rena. We are just confused. Heâs been hanging around with Layla quite a bit lately.â
âLast I heard you were dating Himchan,â Mr. Moon added.
âAh,â Rena sighed, âWe umm⊠it was complicated.â