Understanding Love
Just wanted to put this here too in case anyone is thinking of reading this story. I’m putting the story of AFF >Here< This is Rena and Jongup’s first date.
Rena parked her car, a bright blue mazda 3, in front of Jongup’s house. She looked at her phone and saw he had responded to her when she had said she was on her way over.
Jongup
Just got home from studio. Jumping in shower.
‘Damn… I should have checked before coming over,’ Rena started tugging at her hair in thought. She looked up at the house and noticed the kitchen lights on and even more nervousness over took her. ‘I knew I’d have to talk to his parents eventually… Just wish I wasn’t going to be alone when I did.’
Rena turned off her car, knowing she had to go in and deal with the potentially awkward moment of talking to Jongup’s parents. Parents who had not only known her since she was in diapers but, had also been there when she had claimed she would marry Himchan only at the age of 5.
She took extra time to look herself over before walking in. She had her front bangs pulled back making a small poof while the rest of her milk chocolate brown hair was straightened. Her shoes were comfortable, red converse, and matched her fitted tank top which was tucked into her black skater style skirt that hung from her waist to her mid-thigh. It was a cold outfit for the breezy spring night but, inside the club it would be perfect, especially with Yongguk as the DJ.
Finally gaining her courage, she knocked on the front door. Jongup’s mother opened the door with a big smile.
“Rena! How lovely to see you. Please come in,” She hugged her tight and Rena’s nervousness diminished a little. It was an affect the Moon’s seemed to have over her. Mrs. Moon waved her in and immediately brought her into the kitchen where Jongup’s father was at the table on his laptop.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Moon. How has your day been?” Hearing the shower still running, Rena sat down at the table with them.
“Lots of students at the studio keeping us busy. We had to call Jongup in to help with the younger class,” Mr. Moon smiled happily. “Sorry if it is cutting into your date tonight.”
Rena laughed nervously, “It’s fine. Yongguk doesn’t start for another two hour.”
“How are things with you, dear?” Mrs. Moon asks.
“Alright. Decent grades and my job at the café is going better than I expected…” Rena fidgeted with her hair, twisting a strand with her fingers.
An awkward silence finally fell over the trio. It wasn’t a usual thing which made Rena feel guilty, as if she was hiding a truth from her parents. Seeing the adults’ exchanged glances, Rena knew it was more along the lines of confused parents wanting answers.
“I was surprised to hear the two of you were dating,” Mrs. Moon finally ended the suffering silence.
“He asked me out,” Rena blurted out as if shifting the blame to Jongup to save herself.
Mrs. Moon chuckled, an angelic noise, “You aren’t in trouble, Rena. We are just confused. He’s been hanging around with Layla quite a bit lately.”
“Last I heard you were dating Himchan,” Mr. Moon added.
“Ah,” Rena sighed, “We umm… it was complicated.”
Mr. Moon shook his head with a slight smile, “It always is when you are young.”
“I remember when you first told me you liked Himchan,” Mrs. Moon said with a smile, “You were so cute, swearing me to secrecy. Only in Kindergarten and there you were telling me how you would marry Himchan one day.”
Rena looked down at the table, smiling fondly at the memory. She had even made flower crowns for them to wear that day when they played castle so, Himchan would be King to her Queen.
“Told me before your own mother. I remember asking her about it and she had no idea,” Mrs. Moon chuckled.
“Speaking of which,” Mr. Moon tried changing the subject, “How are your parents? We haven’t heard from them in a while.”
“They...” Rena looked up at the ceiling to remember, “They are good. I think they are in Britain right now.”
The Moon parents shared looks quickly before Mr. Moon continued, “When did you see them last?”
“A month… yeah a month ago,” Rena internally groaned at the memory. After being gone 2 months they came home for a week and barely spent two days with her. Either they were relaxing when Rena was at school or at work, or they were working at their home branch. They lived a busy life. Rena knew they loved her but, she missed them. After almost 21 years of the same routine, Rena was used to being alone at home but, they had been leaving for longer and longer periods of time and barely coming home. Last time they had left, they had forgotten to tell her the date instead saying goodbye over text while she was at work. She partly blamed their leaving like they did for her little relapse with Himchan.
Mrs. Moon smiled sadly, patting her hands, “You’re always welcome here if you feel lonely, Ren.”
Rena genuinely smiled up at the older woman, “Thank you. I’m okay though, I’m used to it.”
Mrs. Moon moaned in sadness, “That hurts my heart, my poor daughter.”
Mr. Moon chuckled as his wife was now hugging Rena from her seat, “You’ve always been the daughter we never had so please, don’t feel bad coming by.”
Rena hung her head, still smiling but trying to get her eyes under control, “Thank you.”
Mrs. Moon leaned back in her chair after patting Rena’s face, “Always welcome, dear.”
“I—“ Rena cleared her throat which was heavy from the rising tears. She fidgeted with her hair, “I just wanted to say, I care about Jongup. Maybe not what is needed yet for a relationship but, I don’t want to hurt Jongup. I won’t hurt him.”
“Oh, Rena…”
Mr. Moon laughed, trying to lighten the mood, “Isn’t the boy supposed to be saying this to the girl’s father?”
Rena smiled awkwardly, “I suppose. I feel responsible for him.”
Mrs. Moon smiled, rubbing her arm, “You always did.”
“Remember that one time Rena brought Jongup home covered in mud. You kept apologizing for not watching him better,” Mr. Moon chuckled.
“I don’t remember that,” Rena looked confused.
“You must have been… 8?” Mrs. Moon looked at her husband for confirmation, “So cute. You were so worried we would be mad. Only a year older than him but, you acted like his babysitter.”
“Telling embarrassing stories?” Jongup asked, walking into the kitchen.
Rena sighed in relief to finally see him, “Jongup.”
He leaned against the kitchen counter with an easy smile on his face. He was dressed in a light sleeveless hoodie with a square of poppies with blue centers connected by vines. His hands, one which he had a red bandana tied to, were tucked into black weathered jeans that ended at his black and white nike high tops. Jongup’s hair was gelled towards the right but, ending in soft spikes with his bangs styled to the right as well to show his face.
The Moon’s smiled at their son, Mr. Moon with a teasing manner but, Mrs. Moon with slight confusion. Mr. Moon said, “It’s hard to embarrass you when Ren probably knows more embarrassing things about you than us.”
Rena shared a grin with Jongup both knowing many tales about each other.
“Is that what you are wearing?” Mrs. Moon asked.
Jongup looked down, “What’s wrong? I usually wear this to the clubs.”
“Yes but…” Mrs. Moon sighed, knowing her son wasn’t understanding.
“I think you look good and we are matching! Look at that!” Rena stood up and pointed to their red and black colors.
“This wasn’t planned?” Mr. Moon asked.
Jongup smiled, “I must have read your mind.”
Rena nudged him in the ribs, “Or you watched me from the shower as I walked up.”
“I didn’t!”
“Guess we will never know,” Mrs. Moon smiled. “You two be safe out there. Don’t be home too late.”
Jongup waved and led the way to the door. Rena waved too, “Have a good night.”
The parents waved until they were out of sight and then looked at each other in astonishment.
“I always thought Rena would marry Himchan,” Mrs. Moon confessed.
Mr. Moon sighed before turning back to his laptop, “Who knows, they did look cute.”
“Yes… anything is possible I suppose,” She said while working through all her thoughts.
Rena stretched her arms to the sky as they walked to her car, “That was nerve-wrecking.”
“Really?” Jongup tilted his head.
“Well,” Rena paused as they got into her car. “A little. Your parents are another pair of parents to me. I felt the need to explain everything.”
“Did you?”
Rena frowned, “No… did you?”
“I told them why I asked you out,” Jongup nodded. “I wasn’t sure if you told them why you broke up with Himchan.”
“Ah, no.” Rena kept her eyes on the road, driving out of the suburban area.
“Still don’t want to?” Jongup asked tentatively.
“Nope.” Rena gave it a final note. She didn’t want to be mean but, she also didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to say anything bad about their mutual friend and potentially ruin everyone’s friendship. So, instead she switched subjects. “How was work?”
“Not bad. I was working with really young children today.” Jongup didn’t question the switch, instead followed the conversation.
Rena hummed in understanding. She had been present to one of those classes in the past. Really, the only point was to keep the children moving and happy. It was break for parents with the hope that afterwards the children would sleep.
“I participated in a lesson then helped clean afterwards too which is why I got home late.” Jongup explained.
“Oh? Learn new moves?” Rena asked.
Jongup smiled and shrugged, which Rena took to mean he was still trying to perfect it. She had a hunch that if there was no date tonight then he would have continued to practice.
“Zelo was there.” Jongup added, trying to add to the conversation.
“Really? So, is this a move you will use in a future video?”
“Possibly. He’s still there,” Rena smiled at his words knowing her hunch was true, “Youngjae showed up when I left.”
Rena scrunched her eyebrows together, “Youngjae? Since when does he dance?”
Jongup laughed, “No, not dancing. Photography practice.”
“He’s photographing Junhong?” Rena shook her head, “I didn’t even know photography practice was a thing but, okay.”
Jongup smiled, “Everyone needs to practice.”
Rena smiled and nodded.
Their conversation continued on hitting on school, what the others were doing, and new music they were listening to. Being together so often and for practically all of their life, there wasn’t much to learn about the other and so eventually they rested in a comfortable silence with music playing. Occasionally Rena would sing with Jongup joining in here and there.
“Isn’t this a 21+ club?” Jongup asked as they walked up.
“Ye-- oh, shit right… you can’t drink.”
Jongup smiled nervously, “Only 20.”
“Well, we will see if they just accept the VIP tickets without ID if not,” Rena thought, “You bring your fake?”
Jongup pulled out his wallet, first handing their tickets to Rena before searching. “Yeah but, it doesn’t always work.”
Rena stopped them at the curb and looked him over, “Uppie, you look of age. I think we will be fine.” She gave a decisive nod and continued to the door and with a smile added, “If not we will text Yongguk to let us in through the back.”
Fortunately, when they walked up to the bouncer and showed their VIP tickets he put special wristbands on them and waved them in.
“He should be fired,” Jongup said in her ear.
“Just be thankful we got in!” Rena yelled over the music.
The place was packed, Rena like to think because Yongguk was going to be the DJ later. Recently he had been getting recognized which was making him more popular although it also meant his weekends were usually busy. Rena and the other guys sometimes helped him with his gear when he needed it.
Rena made a drinking motion towards Jongup who nodded. They weaved through the crowd, saying apologies that probably went unheard as they bumped into people.
“What do you want?” Rena asked Jongup as she waved down the bartender.
“I don’t want to drink,” Jongup answered.
She patted his shoulder, “Me neither. I’m getting ginger ale because it looks fancy.”
Jongup smiled, “I want that too.”
Rena told the bartender their order and fumbled through her purse as he went to get them.
“I’ll pay,” Jongup offered. Rena blinked, surprised, as Jongup paid the man before she could get her card out. Seeing her expression Jongup slightly pouted, “I am your boyfriend.”
Rena smiled apologetically, “I’ll get the next one then.”
“Rena?!”
No sooner had she heard the voice, she saw Hyosung right behind Jongup. “Hyosung!”
Hyosung ran up to her with some other women from the cafe. Hyosung, Jieun, Hana, and Sunhwa were really good friends who had joined the cafe together. Hana said, “I didn’t know you were coming here.”
“I didn’t know until this afternoon. My friend is the DJ later. This is Jongup. My boyfriend,” She hurriedly added at the end.
Jongup smiled and waved.
All the girls looks shocked, “Boyfriend?”
“What about Himchan?”
Once again Rena was surprised, “Ilhoon, I didn’t see you there.”
The young man appeared from behind Hana with a female by his side and shook Jongup’s hand, “I’m a friend of Himchan’s from school. So, is Ailee.”
Rena waved to the other girl, her smile now strained. She remembered Ailee and Ilhoon.
Ilhoon chuckled as Himchan walked away to get their drinks, “I honestly was starting to think he was gay. He kept telling me about you but, I didn’t believe him.”
Rena blinked in confusion as Himchan’s classmate suddenly confessed, “Gay? Because of his looks?”
“Well,” Ilhoon smirked, “I wouldn’t say it doesn’t like he takes care of himself but, it isn’t that. He’s always touching my butt. Seems strange now that I know you are real.”
“Oh… I…” Rena chuckled awkwardly, “Yeah, I exist…”
“So, no more Himchan and you?” Ilhoon asked.
“Nope.”
“That’s so sad,” Ailee said sadly.
“Yeah,” Rena said shortly.
Rena walked up to Himchan’s table curious of the girl he was with. Was he trying to say something to her by bringing this girl to her work? “Hey, Himchan,” Rena said guardedly.
“Ren!” Himchan said joyfully. He stood up from his table and hugged her. “I missed you so, I thought I would stop by.”
She hugged him tightly before letting go, not wanting to cause a scene at work.
“This is Ailee, we have classes together,” Himchan introduced.
“Himchan’s told me so much about you,” Ailee shook her hand.
“Oh…good things I hope.” Rena smiled and shook her hand, not knowing what to say. She had never heard about Ailee before.
Rena took their order and left their table although still not feeling confident. Then again, perhaps she was just feeling jealous for no reason like Himchan had been telling her. Coming back with their drinks, she halted right as she saw them. They were laughing. Himchan looked so happy and carefree. Rena’s shoulders drooped. She never got to see this Himchan anymore, the Himchan not stressed over recitals and performances. As Ailee laughed again she placed her hand on top of Himchan’s hand. Rena felt tears welling up.
“What a good looking couple,” A girl commented to her friend.
“Rena, isn’t that Himchan?” Hyosung whispered to her.
She nodded and tried to smile while holding back tears, “That’s my boyfriend.”
“So weird,” Ilhoon practically yelled over the bass, “I swear he told me you two got back together a month ago.”
“Me too!” Ailee looked stunned, “Did it not work out again?”
Jongup stiffened beside her.
“We never tried dating again,” Rena said trying to end the discussion.
“Oh!” Sunhwa held the exclamation out, “Never dated again.”
She exchanged looks with Ilhoon and Ailee and they all smiled knowingly.
Rena felt dirty.
A month ago she had made a huge mistake and now people she hardly knew now were laughing at her hardship. After only a month of being broken up, Rena had hung out at Himchan’s house with the rest of the guys for a party. Alcohol had been involved and trying to not feel so awkward around Himchan, Rena had drunk over her limit. It took only a smile and close proximity for her to be all over Himchan again. Eventually Yongguk spoke up for the rest of the group, telling them to get a room, and unfortunately, that’s what they did. The morning after, finally with a clear mind, Rena grabbed her clothing she could find, ran away from Himchan after exclaiming she had made a mistake, and proceeded to cry for an hour in her shower.
‘It has been another month. No more relapses,’ Rena breathed, gripping her ginger ale more tightly, ‘I’m doing okay.’
“I can see why he would be hard to quit,” Hyosung winked.
Jongup grabbed her hand, “Nice to meet you all. We are going to our seats now.”
“Nice seeing you,” Hana waved.
“See you tomorrow!” Jieun called after Rena.
Jongup and Rena reached the VIP area without a word and found a table with Yongguk’s name on it. Finally sitting, Rena breathed a sigh of relief.
“Cool area,” Jongup said looking around. There were five other tables in the upper area but, only two others were occupied.
“Yeah,” Rena weakly smiled, “Hey, um… thanks for that.”
“Wanna dance?” Jongup asked.
Rena laughed. She shouldn’t have been surprised that he wasn’t going to ask questions. This was Jongup and his way of doing things. “Sure.”
With one last drink of ginger ale, they stood up and started to dance. This wasn’t the measured and timed dancing that Jongup practiced daily but, a more moving of the body to the rhythm and letting emotions go. Rena had a lot to let out. They danced together as Rena poured her troubles and emotions into her dancing. To some parts she would take the easy way out and just sway as she closed her eyes, letting the music carry her away.
After a time, the music died down and the crowd grew loud with curiosity.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce our special guest DJ, Jepp Blackman!” A man announced.
Rena and Jongup cheered from the railing of the VIP section. They jumped up and down and waved their hands hoping he would see them.
An expressionless Yongguk stepped up to his mixing board, first surveying the crowd before putting his headphones on. He was about to get into the music when he finally looked up at Rena and Jongup. They almost didn’t think he had seen them but, then they saw the tiniest of smiles on his face.
As he started his mix, Jongup and Rena cheered louder. They smiled at one another before really starting to dance. This time, Rena let Jongup take control. Instead of dancing together but, separately, Jongup had them doing all kinds of moves. Rena’s dancing skills couldn’t always compete but, she was still having fun, when she forgot about the other people in VIP who would stare at them.
Taking a break, Rena texted Yongguk a ‘good job’ text, wanting to show her support. She noticed that Daehyun had texted her saying he would be making a food drop off since they had extras at the restaurant that night. He had a key so, she wasn’t worried about him getting in and out. She sent him a text thanking him for keeping her from starving and then put her phone away.
Jongup had a huge smile on his face as he sat next to her at their table. She couldn’t help but smile back at him. The meet up at the bar easily was completely gone from her mind.
“Yongguk comes up with the best stuff,” Jongup shouted.
“He does!” Rena agreed. “You’ve got some new moves!”
Jongup smiled proudly and Rena laughed. She gestured for him to show her more but, he shook his head. Not knowing a time when Jongup didn’t want to dance, she looked at him confused. He just smiled, making her more confused.
Rena was about to get up again when the next song started but, Jongup beat her to it and motioned for her to wait. She raised an eyebrow as he stood in front of her. A few more moments and then he began to dance. His deliberate movements, body waves, and amazing footwork had her mesmerized. As always with him dancing, she couldn’t take her eyes off of him. This time though, she noticed he was staring at her, sometimes with a smile but, his eyes always looked intense. Her mouth was dry yet, she didn’t move, she couldn’t.
He did a final spin as the song began to switch into another. Rena blinked and intense Jongup was gone replaced by cute smiley Jongup. “I’ve been practicing!”
“You were amazing!” Rena finally said over the music before grabbing her ginger ale and downing the last of it. ‘If this is what it’s like being Jongup’s girlfriend I don’t know if I’ll survive. From sexy to cute in a millisecond. I didn’t notice it that much before…’
“Did you ask Yongguk to play it?”
Jongup nodded.
“Wanted to show off?” Rena teased.
Jongup smiled and looked down at the table. In the dark of the club Rena wasn’t sure if he was blushing or not. She chuckled anyhow. “Want to dance with me?”
He stood up and she took that as a yes. She texted Yongguk another good job and asked to know the name of a song later. Then, she got up and joined Jongup. They did a little casual swaying to start out with, Rena made him do swing with her for fun even though it was hard with the R&B music, Jongup made them do the dougie, and they even did some back to front grinding which just didn’t seem natural for them. They did little dance moves for the other and Jongup would teach Rena some too.
They tried waving to Yongguk a few times too but, he was too into his music. The only time he wasn’t engrossed in what he was doing was when a long brown haired man passed Yongguk a water bottle and convinced him to take a drink.
Eventually, Rena had to call it quits. Jongup was tired but, still looked energetic but, Rena was practically exhausted and she had work the next day. Rena leaned on him, still out of breath from their dancing as they walked out into the night air.
“I told Yongguk we left but, had a great time,” Jongup said as he put his phone away.
“Great,” Rena smiled.
The thumping of the club followed them, barely quieting as they walked on. They rubbed their ears as if it would help them hear normally again.
“Here we are,” Rena said as they finally spotted her Mazda.
Jongup stretched. He frowned as they finally reached it, “What’s that on your windshield wiper?”
A wave of cold water seemed to roll over Rena’s body. She hurried to the scrap of paper on her windshield and pulled it off.
YOU DON’T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY, WHORE
The words were scratched out angrily in pen. The jagged lettering and threat made her mind go blank. She saw Jongup coming closer and hastily crumpled the paper up and put it in her purse.
“Just an advertisement,” Rena faked a smile and jumped in the car.
Jongup got in and shut the door but, didn’t stop looking at Rena. She pretended not to notice as she talked about Yongguk’s DJing and who his new assistant was that was helping him.
“None of the other cars had paper on their windshields,” Jongup finally stopped her rambling.
Rena held back a sigh, “Well, maybe it was the wind.”
“What was it advertising?”
“A nearby pizza shop or something,” Rena shrugged. She wished he would let it drop.
“Or something?” Jongup asked.
“I don’t see why you are making a huge deal out of a random paper.”
The drove in silence but, unlike when they went to the club, this wasn’t comfortable. Rena knew Jongup had noticed her reaction to the paper but, she didn’t want to get him involved. She was too tired to think up a better excuse or act natural. Tired, and too freaked out about the incident.
After what seemed like an eternity, Rena finally pulled up in front of Jongup’s house. He didn’t make a move to get out.
“Jongup…”
He looked at her seriously. “Ren, do you not trust me?”
“I… I trust you, Uppie,” Rena answered, surprised by his question.
“Do you?” He turned more of his body towards her so he could look at her better. “I’m younger than you but, I’m stronger than you. As your friend and your boyfriend I’m here for you. ”
Rena smiled weakly, “Without a doubt.”
Jongup stared at her.
She lifted her hand and rubbed his shoulder, “I’m fine Uppie. It was just a harmless advertisement. Not a threat from the mafia.”
He continued to look at her sternly, not sure what to do. In the end, he nodded. “I better go inside.”
They hugged and he got out of the car. She waited for him to enter his house before driving away. Not more than a second after he was out of her sight did Rena start shaking. ‘How did they know where I was?’
These thoughts and questions clouded her mind all her way home. The message on the note kept running through her mind. She made it home safely and as soon as she pulled into her driveway, she saw a car pull up. Rena stiffened not sure who it was but, once the headlights were out she saw it was Daehyun. She leaned against her car as her body left ‘fight or flight’ mode.
“I didn’t expect you back so early,” Daehyun smiled while walking up to her.
“Can’t stay out too late since I have work tomorrow,” Rena forced a smile.
Daehyun frowned, “You okay? You don’t look so good.”
“Fine,” Rena clutched her purse, “Is all that food for me?”
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Lots of dumplings left over.”
“My favorite. Thanks for bringing it by,” Rena took the bag from him.
“Do you want me to come in--”
“That’s okay,” Rena said hastily. “You should go home and rest.”
“Really…” He stopped to look at her. “Maybe you should call in tomorrow.”
Rena forced a laugh, “Wow, thanks. I didn’t realize I looked that bad.”
“That’s not what I meant,” Daehyun ran his hand through his hair, “I’m just worried about you.”
“I know… I’m sorry.” Rena looked down.
Daehyun groaned and then wrapped his arms around her, “Calling in sick won’t kill you. Just… take care of yourself, okay?”
Rena wanted to give herself into the hug. She could feel her legs becoming like jelly and her eyes were burning. She was tired and wanted to find comfort in his hug but, she couldn’t allow herself to. She took a step back, “I’ll try. Have a good night, Dae.”
“You too, Ren…”
She unlocked her front door, waved one more time to Daehyun and then shut it. She put the glorious food Daehyun brought over in the fridge and barely made it to the couch before she started to cry.
She cried over the hateful stalker. She cried about having her date ruined. She cried over her messed up relationship with Himchan she was still getting over. And more so, she cried because she believed the note. Himchan was hurting over her, tonight she had hurt Jongup and even Daehyun; half of her childhood friends. It was all her fault. Tonight she would wallow and she could only hope that in the morning she would be able to build herself back up again.
