Here's a flower🪻 hehe

My dear,

It is midnight again, and I write to you in the stale air of this room where nothing moves except the trembling of my hand. I should not write, every word fastens me tighter to you and I am afraid of what it makes me. But I cannot stop. To remain silent is more unbearable than exposing this sickness of mine to paper.

Do you know what you are to me? You are the wound I return to so it never closes. My hours are no longer measured by clocks but by the thought of you intruding and then retreating, leaving behind silence more violent than noise. I have no defenses left. I wake with you in my mouth, as if my tongue itself was built to repeat your name until it rots there.

You are not near, and perhaps you never will be, yet your absence stains every corner of this life. I sit among people and speak, I even laugh when required, but in truth I am a ghost performing a duty. The moment I am alone, the mask collapses and the hunger for you breaks open again. It is not romance, not sweetness, it is thirst that has no end.

What frightens me is that you do not even belong to me. Not your breath, not your hours, not even the smallest fragment of your day. I am like a beggar standing at a closed door, pressing my ear to hear footsteps inside. And yet I write as if you were mine, as if these sentences could steal from the world the right to keep you away from me.

Do you understand how unbearable it is to love in secret, to live in secrecy, to fold every feeling into silence as if it were something shameful? And still I would rather die with this fire unsaid than hand it over to the world’s indifferent laughter. You, only you, are the one who could read me and not recoil.

Forgive me if these words are heavy. I am not asking anything of you. Not pity, not reply, not even acknowledgment. I only want you to know or rather to never know that somewhere in the shadows of this life someone waits for you as one waits for rain in a desert that has forgotten water exists.

I will burn this letter, or keep it hidden in the bottom of a drawer where even the dust forgets. But tonight, as the walls lean in and the silence presses its fingers to my throat, it is you I write to, and only you.

Yours, in memories.

Main kaun hoon? Mujhe kya pata? Tumhe pata ho toh batado. Suno, dekho, bazar mein kahin ek khwab bik rahe ho, toh lo paise aur laado. Kya khwab bhi kabhi asli hote hain? shayad haan shayad nhi... ek pal ke liye roshni, agle hi pal andhera. Main un khwabon ko haath mein pakadne ki koshish karta hoon, Toh woh ret ki tarah ungliyon se phisal jaate hain. Mujhe logon ko khush dekhna pasand hai... Pata nhi kyon... Main isliye logon se tab tak baat nhi karta jab tak mere khudke chehre par mukaan naa ho.. Mujhe lagta hai main logon ko chhote chhote chamatkaar bantta firta hoon. Kisiko hasi deta hoon, toh kisiko tasalli, aur kisiko yaad. Lekin jab wapas apne kamre mein aata hoon toh sab kuch khaali lagta hai. Jaise meri rooh sirf ek stage hai aur wahan roz ek naya khel khela jaata hai, Naye Naye kirdaar hote hain kuch apne hote hain kuch haqdaar hote hain... Lekin unme se kisiko bhi stage par chalrha jaadu dikhai nhi deta Us 300 ki sitting wale hall mein, main akela hota hun Aur khud hi khudko tamasha karte hue dekhrha hota hun. Bachpan mein jab raat ko khidki se taare dekhta tha, toh lagta tha unki roshni mujhe bula rahi hai apne paas. Main ungli se unka naksha banata, ek kahani ghadta, aur khud us kahani ka naayak ban jaata. Par jaise jaise bada hua, samajh aaya ki taare sirf door ke patthar hain aur kahani, bas mera apna banaya hua koi dhokha. Log kehte hain, tum alag ho. Tum sunte ho, tum samajhte ho, tum apna sab kuch de dete ho bina kuch wapas hasil karne ki umeed ke (selfless you know). Mujhe nhi lagta, mujhe main selfish lagta hoon, mujhe lagta hai agar logon ko kuch milega nhi toh unke paas rukne ki koi wajah nhi hogi... par ye sab sirf ek dhokha hai jo mujhe tab dikhai padta hai jab main us 300 ki sitting wale hall mein khudko stage par tamasha karte hue dekhrha hota hun. Mujhe lagta hai Andar se main bhi utna hi khaali hoon jitna koi banjar maidan, jahan hawa chalti hai par awaaz koi nahi sunta. Jab raat ke akhri peher mein main aaine ke saamne khada hota hoon, toh mujhe lagta hai ki main ne apne hi dil ko kitni baar behlaaya hai. Kabhi dosti ke roop mein, kabhi mohabbat ke roop mein, kabhi muskaan ke roop mein. Main ne sabko kuch na kuch dikhaya hai, aur sab ne vishwas kiya hai. Par jo sabse bada dhokha hai, Woh yeh hai ki main ne apne aap ko bhi vishwas dilaya hai. Ke sab theek hai Is tarah main jeeta hoon, jaise har din apni jeb se naya chamatkaar nikalta hoon aur logo ke saamne rakh deta hoon. Aur jab sab taali bajate hain, main chup chaap uth kar chala jaata hoon. Kyunki main jaanta hoon yeh khel mere liye bhi utna hi anjaana hai jitna baaqi sabke liye. Lekin haan magar ek din jab sab roshniyan bujh jaayengi,

तेरे करम

Main Apna aap dikhun agar toh?

Himmat hai? Dekh paogi?

Woh dekho meri laash jalrhi hai

Tum laash si thandi

Uski aanch mein Haanth senk paogi?

Main yahan baitha dekh raha hun

Barson ka banaya woh jo hua karta tha

Kitna main logon ke pyaar par qurbaan tha Kaise main logon ke dilon ko chua karta tha Yahin ganga kinare raatbhar baithkar Mohabbat mukamal hone ki dua karta tha

Logon ko khone ka jo dar hota hai naa

Kabhi ko woh mere andar bhi hua karta tha Saari khwahish saare khwaab

Adhuri hasratein, tohmatein aur azaab

Woh dekho Woh jalrhe hain

Meri laash ke saath

Jo kuch bechainyan baaqi thi

Woh choti chingariyan bankar chatak rhi hain

Wahi chingariyan sabse phle thandi hongi

Aur hawa uda lejygi unhe apne saath

Ab tak aag mere dil tak pohach gayi hogi

Dil shayad ab bhi sehma hua hoga

Ab bhi unsabko khone se darrha hoga

Jo andar hain

Lekin main kisiko khone se nhi darta

Tumhe bhi nhi

Pata hai maine yeh sab kab seekha

Khudko khone ke baad

Ab yeh sab bahot asaan saa hai mereliye

Khudko khone mein bhi itni takleef nhi hui

Jitni tumhe khone mein hui thi

Arey main baatein nhi banarha

Yaqeen karo

Woh dekho meri laash jalrhi hai

Kuch hi der mein main khaak hojaunga

Aur phir hum kabhi nhi milenge

Mujhe tumhari yaad nhi aaygi

Tumhe meri yaad nhi aaygi

Aur haan ab main yahan ispaar baitha hun

Toh batadun

Log kehte hain saat janam hote hain

Galat kehte hain

Jo hota hai yahi hota hai

Yahan nhi toh kahin nhi

Kabhi nhi...

Your breath was caught in dawn’s first light Half in sleep, half in delight The sheet clung softly to your skin A silent hush, a world within Your lashes danced beneath the day As if the night refused to stay One shoulder bare, your fingers curled A portrait drawn from a gentler world I watched the way your chest would rise Like secrets trying to touch the skies The sun slipped through with hands of gold And kissed the parts I couldn’t hold I traced the curve where dreams had laid In that quiet hour where time won’t fade Each inch I touched, you seemed to glow A garden blooming soft and slow Your lips, half open, dared to part As if they spoke straight from your heart A whisper lived beneath your sigh Too soft to speak, too sweet to lie You turned, not waking, but you knew My fingertips were painting you Not just your skin, but what you hide The songs you hum, the ache inside The edge of sleep still held you close Your body warm, your breathing rose I kissed your spine, one bone at time And counted them like fragile rhyme The world outside had not begun But here you were, my only sun The air was thick with something true Not lust, but how I worship you I stayed a while, afraid to move Each second begging me to prove That moments like these still exist In skin, in pulse, in breath, in bliss So when you woke and caught my gaze Your eyes still lost in twilight haze I hoped you knew, without a sound My love had traced you all around

You held my hand and touched my hair, The room was warm, the lights were rare, Your gentle eyes began to stare, Like something deep was growing there. You didn’t talk, but still I knew, You felt the things I’m feeling too, Your every move was soft and true, And slowly pulled me close to you. You brushed my neck and kissed my face, My heart beat fast, then slowed its pace, It wasn’t rushed, no need to race, It felt like time had left this place. I looked away but stayed so near, You didn’t push, you stayed sincere, Your hand was calm, your voice was clear, And I forgot my every fear. You saw the truth inside my eyes, The dreams I hide, the quiet cries, You touched the parts that wear disguise, And made the hush feel like sunrise. Each kiss you gave was soft and slow, Like falling rain or melting snow, It told me things I need to know, Without a word, your love would show. You stroked my arm, then held me tight, The world was gone, just us and night, No louder sound, no louder light, Just skin and breath that felt so right. I didn’t speak, but still you heard, The way I moved, the way I stirred, I didn’t say a single word, But all I wanted still occurred. You took your time and stayed so kind, Like reading pages line by line, You read my heart and touched my mind, And made me feel I wasn’t blind. I didn’t beg, I didn’t plead, But in my eyes, you saw the need, You didn’t hurt, you didn’t lead, You only gave and watched me feed. Your every touch was like a song, It didn’t rush, it lasted long, And though I feared I might be wrong, With you, I felt like I belong. I didn’t ask, but still you knew, That I want more than just a few, My breath was deep, my face was new, And all I dreamed had come in view. And in your arms, I found my peace, My racing thoughts began to cease, You held me close, and gave release, Like every ache had found its ease.