Bangtan SeonyeonDads

Scenario

You and jimin already out the kids to bed, showered and gotten cozy in the bed when he starts feeling on ya talking dirty on ya ear. Yall both get all riled up and ready to go, right as he getting ready to slip that thang in there yall dont hear the door opening and hes like “imma tear that 🐱 up” . Next thing you know theres screeching at the foot of the bed cause your daughter had a nightmare and was hoping to share the bed but now she thinks jimin is gonna abuse the pet cat screaming "please dont kill Mr. Bluberry, daddy!" and you scramble to at least put on a robe or something before you go to comfort the little girl. All this happened in like 3 minutes so when you walk out of the room, toddler on hip, jimin is left blue balled and confused sitting on the bed like *insert photo*

You have been trying to convince yoongi to have a kid for a couple weeks but hes adamant about not wanting one yet because you only just got married 2 years ago and that’s “not nearly enough me and you time before we have to chase a little satan around the house”. Hes extra careful about wearing condoms and keeping up with your period and birth control just for the fact that he wants you to himself and himself only, doesn’t even wanna share you with snot nosed midgets with half his own DNA. Then on valentines day you both go out for dinner, have a great night and all that jazz, get to the room and you surprise him with lingerie and booty game that has him forgetting his own name (and the condoms too). Couple weeks roll by and throws a box of tampons at you while you’re on the toilet, you get mad looking at him like this muhfukka must be out his gatdam mind before you realize… oh shit. You ain’t bleeding. Its bleeding time but like…. you ain’t flooding like Niagara Falls if it was made of red wine. Fast forward to you and him sitting in the dr’s office being told you gone have twins because yes, you only did it once and yes, he pulled out (mostly) but Yoongi has super sperm and them hoes were on a bonafide mission to scramble some eggs. Now yall both just sitting there dumb struck trynna figure out uh uh uh whatcha gone do, yoongi looking like *insert pic* and you sitting there grinning like the Cheshire cat

*talking to his sad little bb girl after picking her up from kindergarten*

Tae: Tellell daddy why you're sad today

Daughter: Jason broke up with me today

Tae: *holding in the laughter* Aww your little boyfriend broke up with you?

Daughter: Yeah but it's okay, I only need you daddy

Tae: *insert pic*

Hoseok: Alright now, hurry up before you're late for school

Daughter: *walks out of room in a hot pink mini skirt, yellow tube top, white fur jacket, and knee high boots*

Hoseok: *insert pic* Where the hell you think you going looking like that?

Daughter: Daddy, it's called high fashion. You wouldn't understand.

Hoseok: it look more like I-got-high fashion. What, did you suddenly go color blind? I know you ain't get dressed in the dark cause I just paid the light bill yesterday. You know damn well me and ya momma taught you how to match yo clothes better than that. Got the nerve to be looking like somebody spilled strawberry lemonade on a wool rug. Who bought you them busted boots anyway girl?

Daughter: *rolls eyes*

Yoongi: *screams his son's name*

Son: *walks into the living room* Yes?

Yoongi: hand me that remote

Son: ...it's right on the table in front of you

Yoongi: an this ass whooping is gone be right on yo ass if you dont quit giving me all that lip. Now give me the remote and go on witcha self

Hoseok: I hope you know you ain’t staying out beyond 10 pm. 

Daughter: But Daddy, the parties usually get good after 10!

Hoseok: Do I look like I care what those parties are doing? Don’t nothing good happen after 10pm for people of your age group  

Daughter: *mumbles under her breath as she puts on her shoes* I can’t wait until I’m grow so I can do what I want

Hoseok: *insert pic above* Yeah and you gone be grown outside my house because I’m not the one

Jin: *Looks over at his kid picking and flicking boogers* Who raised you?

Also jin: *turns to you* You sure we cant shove him back up in there?

You just gave birth to a bouncing boy. He’s adorable and Jin invites some of the boys over to take a peek at his pride and joy. 

*insert pic above* 

Jin: Here he is, almost as good looking as me

Hoseok: So he just lays there? 

Jin: Yup...

Wife is leaving for the weekend for a business trip and he gets left to watch the kiddies.

Wife: "Alright I'm about to leave. What's on the agenda for your first day together?"

Hoseok: *insert picture*

ITS LIT!

That moment when Hoseok takes his daughter to the park and not even 10 minutes later she got hella Niggas giving up they juice boxes and cookies and trying to hold her hand.

So, you go out with your girlfriends and leave Jimin at home with the kids--his idea mind you. It takes him three hours to get them all bathed and ready for bed. He gives them food then runs to take his own 5 min shower. He comes back only to see a huge black mess of black bean noodle sauce on just about every surface in the kitchen. Of course, the children all smile innocently and tell him that they aren’t done eating, He decides to let them finish and goes to sit on the couch (with a full view of the dining room). He texts you.

Jimin: Please come home

You: Why is one of my babies hurt?

Jimin: Yeah, me. 

You: *blank staring gif*

Jimin: I’m serious. I’m tireddddㅠㅠ ...Like i had me time for 5 minutes...5 MINUTES and i come back to the kitchen as a murder scene

You: You gave them jjajjangmyeon didn’t you?

Jimin: Yeah why?

You: *sends cackling gif* Sorry Boo, then it’s your own damn fault for leaving a 5, 3, and 2 year alone for five minutes with jjajjangmyeon of all things. 

Jimin:...but you’re going to be home soon right?

You: Yeah, no. 

JImin: ..but..

You: Going to the strip club next, see you later. Have fun, love ya *kissy emojis*

Jimin: *eyeballs his 2 year old throw his bowl on the floor*                     *insert pic above*

-SCENE-

Hoseok passes kids room on the way to your bedroom (boutta lay pipe) and hears snickering and giggling coming from the kids room when they asses should have been sleep

Hoseok: *cracks door open and swipes the light switch on* 

Kids: *get stiff and try to act sleep*

Hoseok: Nuh-uh, you ain’t slick nor sleep. I know I told y’alls’ asses to go to bed

Daughter: But daddy, I was tryin’ to go to sleep but he keeps pulling my hair and waking me up

Hoseok: Son, stop pulling on your sisters’ hair before I have to come in here again. 

Daughter: *sticks out tongue petulantly as her brother glares at her* 

Hoseok: Cut it out and go to sleep, I guarantee that next time I ain’t gone be so nice, I’m just gone come in starting whippin’ ass

Kids: *both lay down immediately* ‘Night Daddy

Hoseok: *shuts off light* ‘Night babies...*closes door*

-END SCENE-

That face Tae makes when he realizes babies don’t exit their mothers body through magic and this whole-ass baby really bout to come into the world through your vagina.

Hoseok’s face when he thought it would be cute to let your daughter practice doing hair on his head...you know, to spark her creativity and shit. Then one bonnet later, whatever the hell she did starts burnin’ and he lowkey know he fucked up.

You: You do know that no parent sends their child to school dressed in Gucci from head to toe....

Tae: Is it so wrong that I want to give my child the best?

You: HE’S👏🏾 5👏🏾...like  seriously, what is the logic in him wearing his teacher’s salary to roll in dirt and smell like outside?

Tae: *insert pic above*

You: My point exactly, now put that child in a damn paw patrol t-shirt and call it a day.

How I Met Yo Mama

Our first meeting - Namjoon

Namjoon is lost in the sauce, hot boxing the rookie studio room (which hes not supposed to be smoking in in the first place) and slowly but surely working on some bops for his next mixtape. The music plays softly in the large space while he takes another long drag, leaning back into the plush swivel chair with his long neck thrown over the head rest. As the words of the song thrum from the speakers the studio door bursts open, quickly being shut right after. Namjoon in his high af state opens his eyes and sees you crouched beside the door, waits a long minute, and then thinks out loud, "Damn she look good". Hearing his voice you turn around and realize why the room is so damn foggy and smells like a bunch of high niggas sitting in a corner. Instead, it's just one solo high nigga looking like blissed out sex in a seat. If your legs weren't hurting already you'd still need to sit on his throne of a face. As you ogle him he licks his lips and then sits up to turn around in the chair. Feeling some type of sense return to his brain Namjoon asks why you're in his studio to which you promptly inform him is none of his business. He chuckles and smirks, that dimple and big dick energy setting loose whole hoe reaction you never gave your body permission to engage in. It's almost like just standing in the room and breathing has made you just a high as he is because for what ever reason you walk over to his chair and plop yourself down in his lap. As a subconscious reaction Namjoon wraps his daddy hands around your waist to hold you in place while you toy around with the equipment on the desk. "What're you working on, Mr. Soundcloud rapper?" "I'll tell you when you tell me why you're here." After playing games with each other for a few minutes you eventually tell him that you were hiding from security because you got caught trying to see (mayhaps succ) some other rapper in a different studio and just happened to notice the lights on while you were running. Namjoon teases that he could report you for being a bad girl, which you know has double connotations but for the sake of carrying on you simply remind him that you could just as easily report him for being higher than a kite in a borrowed studio. Both of you have a good laugh, talk a little more (maybe even kiss a little), and exchange numbers before you decide to head back home like the good girl you arent.