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Worked on this girl for 9 months. Now this new music video comes out and she’s immensely popular, arguably one of the most popular characters in the LoL universe.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m really glad she’s a huge hit, it’s super exciting to see so many people love the character design and the gameplay, and know that I contributed directly and significantly to the behind-the-scenes engineering that makes it all work. It’s validating.
But it’s also so fucking melancholy to know I did so much work and put in so much time for such a shitty company, run by shitty people, and the reward I got for it was unemployment.
I threw a lot into this character. I cried at work. I started getting panic attacks, which I’ve never gotten before. I developed persistent heart palpitations from the daily overwhelming stress and had to go to the hospital (this is true, seriously.) I basically dropped all my friends outside of work. My manager (and his manager!) lied to me constantly to keep me working. They said I was doing a great job but to keep it up. Don’t worry, it’s going to turn out great, and it’ll all be worth it in the end – recognition, a raise, probably a promotion in short order. They promised me the world. When she was finally finished, I didn’t even get to go to the release party, they just walked me out.
I remember a quote from my last day, it sticks out in my mind: “I know you realize this is really hard for me,” my manager said. Yes, in the end, when he awkwardly informed me I didn’t have my dream job anymore – or any job at all – and then stared back at my shell-shocked face, my thousand-yard stare, the only thing he felt was sorry for himself.
She launched with no major bugs and was considered a technical success. Doesn’t matter. Get the fuck out.
I don’t know how I feel. A weird sensation of pride and intense bitterness. I did a good job; at least, I think I did. Unfortunately, internal validation is the only kind I’m going to get.
Everyone reposting KDA should see this. Riot has successfully distracted everyone into forgetting their culture of sexism, exploitation, and toxicity mere months after it was all revealed.
Look, I get it. Akali is EXTREMELY my type. It’s obvious how much love and care was put into her development. But it makes me furious to see all the free advertising that Riot is getting from people who I thought would know better.
And now? One of the people who is arguably responsible for all that free advertising? Who’s work is undoubtedly making Riot hundreds of thousands of dollars a day? Who was overworked to the point of near breaking? They get nothing. WORSE than the scant bit of credit that most devs can get in a big company like Riot. They got let go.
One thing that I thought really sucked a lot is that the production company who made the KDA video isn’t even credited. They credit a lot of other people on their videos, usually, but the actual animators of the video are hidden; almost a lie by omission. At best it’s a honest mistake, at worst it’s sneakily trying to pass off the video as something made in-house when it’s not. :(
She’s been kitted out with her holosmith transmog for awhile, though I hadn’t done any art of it yet. She’s a combat medic. Her sword is made of plasma and burns hot enough to cauterize the wounds she inflicts. Though she fights, she’d rather her opponent die quickly rather than bleed out. This is probably one of my favorite outfits I’ve done #FashionWars by far!
i wanted to make a cleaner reference for denholm- but especially for his (cursed magic) shroud! it’s water-based and he can summon a trident instead of a scythe
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There is a breeze in this tranquil locale. The forest canopy casts shadows on my skin. I look at the treetops. Green leaves outlined against blue skies. The song of bird and insect in the air. The very top of the perfect symmetrical cube that is of my home, Rata Sum, just barely visible in the distance. The leaves above me sway with such a slow grace, that there is no analogical vocabulary I posses could possibly describe it.
It is… pleasant.
For once, the sickly white patches on my skin do not burn, and my eyes do not ache from the vision I see around me. I take a deep breath. Something in me stirs. It fills me, warm. A sense of tranquility I don’t often feel threatens to seep into the surface of my skin, but I play still. The thought of its warmth lingers once more in my mind.
-sigh- If only.
Beepbeepbeep! Beepbeepbeep!
Within moments, my tranquil paradise begins to shimmer. The leaves fall to lavender hexagonal dust and dissipate. The clear morning sky that once shone with light gold and bright blue became the darkness of my lab with its soft, pulsating off-white lights. The hum of the machines and magitech that powered my virtual illusion and reality blended back into my senses. They were unwelcomingly warm.
“Break. Time. Has. Elapsed.” That inscecent golem by my holostand gibbered in its absolutely inhuman and irritating soundboard, “Resume. Work.”
I shift my eyes to look down at it from my raised platform. Its sleek black and red design once concerned me, but for now? I wished nothing more than to pour my coffee into its chassis and slam the infernal thing into the wall.
I sigh. Of course there was. The luxury of a ten minute exercise felt all but gone now. I rub my temples. Some of my... Inquest helpers had gone home for the night, but two had remained in the lab, and both of whom were now asleep. Admirable, but not favorable. We had been powering this through day and night. Nothing could stop us now except for our own miserable flesh and bone. They would need to be awake for this. But first…
“Golem. Command: Prepare coffee. I would like an Excelsior Exodus, medium roast.”
“Command: ___ Acknowledged.” The Golem noisily stomped off to a table twenty feet away from the sleeping degenerate progenys, neither of whom stirred. Ugh. Interns. They say they want to work but fall asleep on the job. Perhaps if they managed their time more wisely they wouldn’t need so much sleep. The curse of youth. Perhaps he’d take advantage of their situation so he could review the Xiv’s message. The golem chirped, whirred, clunked quite loudly, pouring water into the electric kettle before rummaging its way in the coffee box. It was simply a foul being by its mere existence.
I lean my head to the right, rolling my shoulders and cracking my neck. Unlike these institutional skritt, I do not need a break. Not for sleep, anyway. Physically, and mentally, I am able to handle and execute this product within the deadline with little to no down time, unlike these weak month-old progeny.
They knew nothing of desire to complete important work. What else is there to do than to achieve one’s life goal, after all? Anything else is pointless. To achieve a great goal, to possibly change the future, to bend reality itself to your will - THAT is life. We shall all die, perish, disappear, and turn to dust… Except, of course, for what we have left behind.
I look at their sleeping visage, and I am reminded. I don’t take breaks. I take time to remind myself of my own reality.
I do this for me, and for others like me. For those of whom can not or simply do not have the luxury of travel, the luxury of finding the perfect test subject, often covered with silly and trite things like volunteering or contracts or what have you. No. No longer shall krewes harm others in the sake of science, for they could do it all right here, in my world. In a world of illusion where anything is possible. From traveling, to fighting, to drinking, to death or to even… -sigh- sexual encounters, or whatever else these disease ridden rats of the world can think of. I’m sure the Inquest will have more ‘favors’ required of me in the future.
Yes, it could bring about something worse. Yes, it could be twisted and foul and possibly borderline unacceptable.
But in truth? This technology, if made more readily available to all krewes? Technology would leap forward. Battle simulations with the best accuracy. Magic and technology of the highest degree, tested without fear of harming equipment or people. Being able to experience walking and running again, swimming, having a voice, or even… just being able to walk out into the sun. Without having it hurt your skin or your eyes.
I look at the holoscreen, and at the list of things I still had yet to accomplish. I look back at the last run file. I think of my conditions that hold me back. I hadn’t much time left before all the pigment fled my body, leaving me but an albino husk, physically afraid of the mere thought of the sun.
If only.
The golem tramped over, a serving plate of coffee within its hands. Admittedly, at least the interns were good for something: programming the golem to make the absolute perfect cup of coffee on demand. It only took a day or so of Sivvo yelling, crying, pleading, and an, amusingly enough, drinking for the blasted contraption to work, but, ultimately? It was not a total waste of time. The warmth of the cup enlightens me. It gives me thoughts and ideas I would have never had thought I would have. I can’t help it. A gentle smile spreads across my face.
I turn to look at the interns sleeping at their desks. Two perfect visages of myself appear next to them. In a single, precise moment, they both pour hot coffee onto them. The hot liquid soaks into their hair, down their skin, their clothes, ripping the two of them into reality. My reality. The two cried out, yelping some pained nonsense before the illusions shattered, hot coffee gone. It takes them more than a few minutes to realize that the coffee incident, was in fact, not real. Serves them right to a rude awakening. Sleeping on the job was forbidden. They knew that.
“Sivvo! Keiv!” Hearing their names bark out of my mouth, the two sit up, straighter than a flattened sheet of metal. I seethe the next words out of my mouth until they sit even straighter, to attention, eyes larger than the oozes in Metrica Province.
I’ve been playing GW2 more and more recently, though haven’t feel the need or desire to RP. So for now, this will just be my general GW2 blog.
I entered a contest to write a short story. My entry will be my next post. Although it’s not really a story (doesn’t really have a plot or anything), I like it a lot. I styled it after Dawngate’s old biographies. I’d never done first person writing quite like this before, and felt DG’s style was perfect to experiment in. I rather enjoyed the experiment and I think it came out well. Please enjoy.
…and hopping onto FFXIV instead. If you’re a FFXIV blog and you’re wondering why a GW2 blog is following you, it’s because I couldn’t be bothered to make yet another separate account on tumblr. (I made one when I RP’d in the League of Legends world, then GW2, I don’t want to have so many different accounts just for RP >_> )
General tip: you can probably end your scene or chapter a line or two earlier than you think you can.
I do this a lot myself, and I see a lot of other writers do this, where we try to put a nice, neat cap on the end of the scene or chapter. We over-explain the end of the scene. But most of the time, that is not necessary and it dulls down the emotional impact of the end or transition.
Don’t be afraid to end a scene or chapter on rising action, or on dialogue. Don’t feel like you have to hold a reader’s hand and walk them through every little piece of movement or feeling.
Think you might be doing this in your own writing? Don’t worry. It’s a super easy editing fix. To check, go to the end of a chapter. Delete the last line or two. How does it read? Better? Cool! You fixed it!
Here’s an example, from a draft of one of my wip’s. This is the ending of a chapter, complete with the weak final line:
Amira glanced at him and then back at Davenport, although Davenport didn’t take his eyes off Will. A hint of hesitation in her voice, she explained, “This is not a definite plan. We couldn’t let you go in alone.”
“Oh, that’s not a problem,” Davenport said as he stared at Will. The slight smile on his mouth lifted into something cruel, something with teeth and bite. Will flushed, his breath quickening, but did not break eye contact. “I’ll bring a date.”
Will nodded. But he had an undeniable sense in the back of his mind that this was going to wreck him.
That last bit is super unnecessary, right? Zoomed in way too close, too self-aware, too hand-holding. I was trying to end this scene on a little bit of a cliff hanger, but I punctured that tension because instead of just letting the character/reader hang from that cliff for a second, I shoved an air mattress under them. So I cut those last two sentences. And now it reads:
Amira glanced at him and then back at Davenport, although Davenport didn’t take his eyes off Will. A hint of hesitation in her voice, she explained, “This is not a definite plan. We couldn’t let you go in alone.”
“Oh, that’s not a problem,” Davenport said as he stared at Will. The slight smile on his mouth lifted into something cruel, something with teeth and bite. Will flushed, his breath quickening, but did not break eye contact. “I’ll bring a date.”
Oooooh, okay! Yaaas. Fun. Good. Wanna keep reading now. Now, it actually does end on a little, mini emotional cliff hanger that makes you want to turn the page.
See what I mean?
Anyway, maybe think about adding this trick to your editing and revision regimen. Happy writing!
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...and hopping onto FFXIV instead. If you’re a FFXIV blog and you’re wondering why a GW2 blog is following you, it’s because I couldn’t be bothered to make yet another separate account on tumblr. (I made one when I RP’d in the League of Legends world, then GW2, I don’t want to have so many different accounts just for RP >_> )
Transplendent Tyrians [TRNS] is a NA-based social guild made by trans players, for trans players! finding lgbt and especially transgender-friendly guilds can be unfairly difficult, so [TRNS] exists because some of us got sick of that!
heres some Spiffy Features we got with our guild:
lvl 50 guild hall and growing! plenty of upgrades+boosts for you to use
friendly and active members-only discord server, no voice required!
weekly guild missions and beginners fractal training!
caters to trans/gnc players age 16+ (nothing explicitly nsfw)
this fish is one of the emojis in our discord:
if any of that interests you, mosey on over to the guild blog for more info and how to join! @transplendent-tyrians
and if you have any questions about joining along with us, dont be afraid to give me a shout and ill help yall out the best i can c: (asks/IMs here or at my personal blog @carnespecter)
Are you taking proper care of your Black Dog? Taking it on regular walks? Feeding it a nutritionally balanced diet? Giving it enough attention? A neglected Black Dog will only grow, growl, and consume you entirely.
~
My photography teacher referred to depression as “the black dog” and that image has stuck with me ever since. I’ve recently been analyzing my mental health, and taking steps to care for myself and my illness. It is an invisible illness, but left unchecked, it can take a toll on your energy and productivity.
If you’re living with mental illness, please remember to check in with yourself every now and then. I’ve tried ignoring it and acting like I’m free of it- and that has only led me to bad places. Acknowledge it, and take the time you need to learn strategies of coping that truly work for you. Find your balance.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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