THE LIFE

SWING AND A HIT!

A summary of 2020

my little brother came into my room last night to tell me that he was gonna sew a stack of my mom’s saltine crackers together through the little holes and then left again

i ended up distracting my parents so he could put the crackers back in the little sleeve like hed only taken one from the top. i dont know if anybodys found them yet but i talked to him about it later and it turns out that theyre sewn together TIGHTLY. like. the ENTIRE stack through ALL the holes

it has been three days and my mom has still not discovered the sewed together cracker stack in the box in the cupboard

I’m DESPERATE to see the sewn crackers

there seems to be some confusion on how old my little brother is. my little brother is 19, one year younger than me, and is majoring in three separate subjects in uni. he just likes to cause problems on purpose

@kingofthewilderwest

I really do love that people have legitimately always just been people. Like how many angry breakup texts have their been that end with “Come get your stuff or I’m donating it to goodwill”? People never change.

This is my new breakup format

Fuck him and his harem. I hope Nisaba made you #1 wife, baby

There is no lie.

THE LAST ONE HAHAHHA