APOLSKIS, JULIAN.
and there goes every shred of dignity he had left. abandoning him with to the simplest of glances—never to return! he couldn’t spare them any more awkward encounters for the rest of the year, could he. ARE YOU OKAY? define okay. because if the definition contained synonyms such as: humiliated and utterly mortified, then yes—YES, chelsea, he was a-okay.
❛ yeah, i’m—i’m fine… one soda coming right up. ❜
she looks away. and for a second time he treats it as a cue. hoping that she’ll keep her eyes where they were, sparing him further embarrassment by zeroing in on the night’s mishaps. although she should be used to them by now—just as she were him. or had been… before she chose to shut him out. another one of those things that had kept him up as of late. THE COLD SHOULDER : as icy as chelsea czerny could make it, which to his surprise, was very. circumstance might have to do with it. newfound perspectives even more so. he makes it to the kitchen scot - free. all bumped in the trip his ego, and an unfortunately placed coffee table.
the popcorn gives him time. plenty of it. in fact, julian would go to the extreme of saying TOO MUCH. because it leaves him alone with his thoughts, and while alone with his body was most certainly desirable, the mind was a creature that oughtn’t be left unattended. it runs free : wildly, uncontrollably—thrusting him back into the steadying arms of an old friend. a blunt lit, hesitate present yet ignored, and with a lens free of irony, he feels as if he can breathe again.
THIS WAS NO GOOD EITHER.
weed not only calms, but it also motivates—drawing out creativity out of a boy often found in a writer’s block. and although it could be helpful, at times, it acts a catalyst of sorts now. because his mind circles back. to the humiliation of before, and the one dating even further back than that. it was a bit karmic, he thinks. but while his incident resembled the one of a slapstick comedy, hers was more of a tragic drama. sparing the comedy he’d be sure to perceive come morning. he thinks then, that it’s not even close. that their experiences differ greatly in both genre and humility and so…
they say AN EYE FOR AN EYE makes the whole world blind. it’s not a proverb which accurately describes their situation, but julian decides it retains the premise. even if he chooses to ignore the lesson at hand. by the time julian’s back on the couch, the popcorn’s burnt and the spliff gone. her soda’s forgotten on the kitchen counter, and if you were to ask him tomorrow, he’d argue his brains were left alongside it.
❛ it was what it looked like. what happened earlier—it was what it looked like. ❜
some ice breaker. said to have the subtlety of a hand grenade… then again, julian apolskis had never been much for tact. the chord between mind and mouth frayed at best. it gets worse when he smokes. worser when he drinks. and it occurs to him that this might count as CHEATING. how one could break rules yet to be established, and if so—established by themselves, was a mystery even to the boy which had thought it. he turns.
❛ and look, i realise i’m making things REALLY AWKWARD right now, but i thought you should know… because i embarrassed you, and so now i’m embarrassing myself. and it’s only fair, and—and i’d really like it if you stopped treating me like a leper. which… well, this really isn’t helping, is it? ❜
it’s not, and all the reasons why he thought it might begin to escape him. it works, though—in humiliating himself, thus evening the playing field. but it didn’t strike him as a possibility before, that perhaps this wasn’t the solution to the problem had. and that maybe, while it embarrasses him, it embarrasses her too. you’re an idiot, apolskis. i know.
❛ … okay, this all sounded a lot better in my head. ❜
he dips into the kitchen before she can press the matter, and she sighs, settling back into the couch in almost a defeated sense. she hates this ———— dancing around in anxieties and worried glances. she doesn’t let him touch her, either, because now even the simplest brush of fingers sends her spiraling back to that night, and then drowns her in previous experience. it’d be so easy, to get caught up in everything that julian was, but she can’t allow that ———— not when it serves as a reminder to her being the means to an end.
she smells the marijuana not long after he enters the kitchen, and she sighs once again. she knows this will only lead to conversation, and she doesn’t want his excuses ———— i’m sorry, you’re my best friend, i didn’t want to hurt you. it’s always the same with him, and she wonders if she should’ve listened, when she was urged to grow beyond him. but she could never leave julian behind ———— something in her is just TOO KIND, despite being used again and again.
he returns and head rises to glance his direction ———— he’s back, sans soda, and the expression on his face is determined. knees are pulled to chest and she listens to him confirm thoughts ———— yeah, it was linda alright. “ i think i would’ve been okay without confirmation that a movie character turns you on, ” she says, a little exasperated, before letting him continue. brows raise at words, and she wonders if she should LEAVE ———— let him wallow in whatever guilt he held, and walk away. but she doesn’t.
SHE NEVER DOES.
“ i ———— look, juls, it’s not ... i’m sorry. it’s just ... that meant more to me than it did you, and everything just reminds me of that and ———— ” she cuts herself off, burying head in her arms, embarrassment tinging cheeks. she wishes she were like PIPPA ———— committing to what she wants, unafraid to pursue it. instead she’s CHELSEA ———— sad, boring, uninteresting. a SECOND CHOICE.
“ and i know i wasn’t your first choice, and that you probably tried seeing pippa or someone else, but ... ” she trails off, unsure what else she can say.








