prediction for chapter 209

this was so interesting of nirei to say. there’s such a wide variety of emotions these flashbacks are displaying—when suo is playing arrogant, cocky, supportive, proud etc. and nirei acknowledges all of it as part of suo’s personality. he calls suo “easy to read”, basically saying that he thinks all of these experiences suo has had with furin are an undeniable truth that he displayed, which must be difficult to digest for someone who is currently trying so hard to pretend that they were nothing

nirei directly challenges suo’s facade and says that he sees through him, even if suo is being deliberately cruel. because even after suo has beaten him up so bloody, he does not believe suo. and his disbelief isn’t due to naivety or him being too much of a fool, but it’s because he knows suo too well. because they’re friends

which is why he asks that question directly after—aren’t we friends? it’s less about nirei feeling genuinely betrayed by suo’s behaviour, and moreso him begging suo to drop the act and stop lying to his face

incredible. even the blush is here. and genuineness isn't. he's fucking dying inside. "don't be a crybaby too" is what sakura told nirei right from the beginning, nirei's intense emotional investment has been there from the very beginning. and suo has to LAUGH at the core of what his close friend is in order to finalise the "divorce". incredible. deeply painful. and tells so many things.

a) suo is scaringly good at faking his emotions (blush, wide smile and all, BUT I LOVEEE how it's still damn obvious he's in fucking PAIN oh nii sensei bless your hands);

b) his reason to leave is somehow still bigger than hurting the very core of the friend he truly cares about.

and I keep staring at this page too.

an autumn leave, a symbol of the seasons change. a farewell to summer.

a light touch, not daring to touch nirei's hair with his hand.

the stone behind nirei's back... what kind of funeral vibes is this?

the composition: nirei is clearly a symbol to suo here. of everything best that he found in furin, isn't it?

everything best, and he won't even dare touch it anymore. everything best, and his eyes are full of some of the deepest yearning you'd ever see.

the hand hiding his mouth, unfocused, i just can't. this is art.

aaand well. fasten your seatbelts, stakes are so about to skyrocket.

In Chapter 203, Sakura’s dissociative tendencies are elucidated; since he had no healthy outlet for his negative emotions, he wallows in them while simultaneously distancing himself not only from his feelings but also from humanity and other people as a whole. If nobody can perceive him in the darkness, if he can’t perceive himself, then these feelings will simply fade away right? But the sun still rises, reminding Sakura of his own horrid personal life. The world still spins despite the hell Sakura is personally in. 

Despite all that, Sakura still had a smidgen of hope that he would be accepted. No matter how much one is isolated from society, humans still crave connection and security. We are social creatures, after all. 

When Sakura does cling to his last shred of connection, he’s immediately rejected by his own father. Notably, Little Sakura is staring more so at the sky rather than at Daddy Sakura, reinforcing his dissociative tendencies. When he’s faced with an uncomfortable truth, Sakura can’t help but slink back into that darkness. Emotions only remind him of his place in life; emotions only make him weaker. They shouldn’t exist, because they only cause him pain. And if his own father thinks he’s a monster, then Sakura is an anomaly in an orderly society.

All his repressed emotions eventually spill over—Sakura snaps, and lets the new emotion called anger fester in him. This ironically causes him to be ostracized even more due to his delinquent-like behavior. It indirectly reaffirms his belief that his emotions shouldn’t exist, but Sakura embraces it with pride. He learns that by channeling his rage through a fight, by making people scared of him, that he can be free. 

It is a twisted parallel to Shishitoren’s core principle; Choji believes that strength is freedom because being at the top not only lets you do whatever you want (which is fun), but it also gives you the liberty to protect those you care about. Sakura follows a similar line of thinking, but he sees freedom as solitude instead. For the first time in his life, Sakura can finally be free from jeers and mistreatment, because being at the top means being alone. (Sakura eventually learns that to be strong is to protect those he cares about in the end though.)

Conversely, you could interpret Sakura’s rage as his will to fight for himself. For someone who’s disassociated from his emotions for so long, the fact that he decided to stand up for himself shows that Sakura thinks he himself is worth fighting for. He lets himself feel rage even though it’s channeled through a medium like fighting. He stands up for himself and fights back, even though it doesn’t come from a desire to take care of himself; since Sakura believes that he doesn’t belong anywhere, he might as well do whatever he wants. His looks don’t matter in a fight, because one should fear for their safety more—but Sakura doesn’t care.

Sakura doesn’t resort to total delinquency to cope though. He only picks fights with wrongdoers and other delinquents who cause trouble. He helps others, even if it means he’ll get rejected. Because Sakura is a kind person who still instinctually believes in other people. 

And the fact that Sakura so readily accepts people, how he secretly yearned to be accepted himself, the growth he’s experienced up to this point, shows that he’d absolutely never give up on the aspects that make him Sakura Haruka. Even if he’s isolated himself from humanity or his own emotions, Sakura was always willing to rekindle both. 

potato leek soup

broccoli cheddar soup