Just Chilling

I walk this broken road on the boulevard of broken roads Don’t know where it broke but it’s only me and I broke the road

i’m in bed and was wondering where my cat is so i was all “oh I’ll just text him” and opened the messages app before i realized what i was doing

like imagine if you’d never seen a dog and you saw a saint bernard and you were like, what’s that and then someone was like, thats a dog. and then you saw a chihuahua and you were like ok whats that and they were like, that’s a dog. wouldn’t you feel lied to? wouldn’t you sense that something was amiss

You doin okay OP?

i jus got back from foolin around w this girl n she had her bed out in the middle of the got-damned nowhere, like not against a wall, not against any wall at all, just in the middle of th fucking room surrounded by this gauzy material shit on a hoop above the bed w some fairy lights all stuck on it for ~aesthetic~ and the whole fuckdamn time i kept thinkin HOW does this woman sleep like this?! monsters come getcha from any and all directions!! snatch u off the bed from the fuckin top, the sides, the bottom NO DIRECTION IS SAFE !! “you wanna stay the night babe?” NO!!! I DO NOT!!! i wanna live thru the night & not wake up to demons caressing my head from your unprotected bed space!! i feel cursed having just fucked on it..! got some dark interloper followin me home hopin i got the same shitty setup!! no sir!! 2 walls for this biché. 4 if i could get em. sleep in a fuckin box w a lil hole cut in it. i need protection!!! 0/10 setup. any type of translucent canopy over a bed is ASKING for a ghost to stand on the other side and watch u sleep. wake up to a hazy outline “o honey is that u?” NO ITS A DEMON. i cannot believe i suffered this tonight. the things i do for a beautiful girl honeSTLY

thank you solid snake

thank you solid snake

This is the face of someone performing a public service by tricking guys into actually having good hygiene

IT KISSES THE STUFFED ANIMALS AND TELLS THEM IT LOVES THEM

this bird is too sweet and I hope this cruel world never crushes their spirit

my mom has finally understood the concept of how to use “tea” as slang, but only kind of. she came into my room and said “jessie, i have tea today” and i was obviously like what happened but as it turns out she just thinks tea means information so she told me that she got avocadoes on sale. that was the tea. 

Damn RIGHT that’s the tea

once again the SJWs attack ….logic be my horse, reason my blade…fedora my armor..heterotron activate

um. what?

you heard the man heterotron activate