chi

[smut warnings: consensual virginity loss, love making / emotional sex, groping, nipple play / sucking, yn kisses eunseok's tip.., marking, unprotected sex (yn is on birth control), fingering, handjob]

you had already been here for a week.

the town moved slowly, and so did you. you’d slipped into a rhythm without realizing—waking around eight, making yourself tea or something simple to eat, then finding a corner of the house or garden where you could sit and read while the world stayed quiet. by late morning, you’d wander into town, where time felt like it had forgotten to hurry.

your afternoons changed depending on your mood. some days, you sat on the beach with your book, letting the wind flip the pages for you. other days, you floated aimlessly in the pool behind the house, watching the clouds drift by.

on your walks, you’d sometimes stop at the small market for fruit, or at the café where the same old men played chess out front. the town belonged to them—the lifelong locals, the retirees, the ones who spoke softly and carried the sea salt in their skin.

that’s why he stood out.

the first time, it was just a glimpse. he passed by on a bike, the breeze pushing through his dark hair, the sleeves of his white linen shirt rolled to his elbows. you watched him until he turned the corner, wondering where someone like him was going in a place like this.

the second time, it was the market. he was holding a basket, quietly choosing peaches like it was something sacred. you didn’t even realize you’d stopped walking until he’d disappeared down another row of stalls.

by the third day without seeing him, you started to wonder if you’d made him up. maybe your mind conjured him—this beautiful boy with the quiet eyes—to fill the empty corners of your summer.

the sun had been gone for half an hour when you finally climbed out of the sea.

you hadn’t meant to stay so long. but the water had been warm, the sky soft and heavy with clouds, and the hush of the waves had felt like something you didn’t want to leave. you’d floated on your back for what felt like forever, watching the light drain from the sky, letting your thoughts drift like the tide.

now the breeze bit a little cooler. you walked slowly along the wet sand, water dripping from your fingertips, feet sinking with each step. you stopped for a moment to wring out your hair, then tugged your sweatshirt over your damp swimsuit, the fabric sticking slightly to your skin.

and that’s when you saw him.

he was sitting in the sand not far ahead—alone, quiet, legs stretched out in front of him, a blanket beneath him like he’d been there for a while. his head turned just as you noticed him. his gaze met yours, steady, soft, and somehow familiar.

you froze. because all this time, you thought you’d been the one watching him. you never imagined he might have been watching you, too. for a long, still moment, neither of you spoke. then, his voice—low, gentle, like the night itself.

“nice night.”

you hesitated, glancing up at the thick clouds, the darkening sea.

“it’s a bit gloomy,” you said quietly.

a smile ghosted at the corner of his mouth. “that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

you shook your head, heart beating a little too fast now. “no. no, not at all. i just—” you looked down, scuffed your foot in the sand. “i guess it just got a little nicer.”

the blush on your cheeks felt warm despite the chill in the air. when you dared to glance up again, you found him blushing too, eyes shining faintly in the last of the light.

without a word, he shifted to the side, patting the empty space on his blanket.

you hesitated, then you crossed the sand and sank down beside him. close enough to feel his warmth, but not quite touching. the kind of closeness that made you aware of your every breath.

the two of you sat like that, listening to the waves, the sky deepening from slate to black.

“i’m eunseok,” he said after a long while, voice almost lost beneath the sound of the water. you told him your name, softly, like a secret. and that was enough. when the clouds finally broke and a few stars blinked through, he stood and offered his hand. “can i walk you home?”

you nodded.

you barely spoke on the walk back. just your names exchanged, and the quiet understanding that he now knew where you lived, so he could find you again. and you hoped with everything in you that he would.

you thought maybe the sea air would’ve made you tired—but all night, it was him you kept thinking about. how he sat there so quietly, as if he belonged to the night. how his voice was soft but certain. how he looked at you like he’d seen you, when no one else ever had.

you turned over a hundred what-ifs: what if he hadn’t been there? what if you hadn’t stayed out so long? what if you hadn’t dared sit beside him?

what if you’d dreamed the whole thing?

but morning came, soft and gray, the clouds still hanging low, and you felt the pull of the outside. you weren’t sure where you meant to go—just that you needed air. you slipped on your shoes, pushed open the front door, and stepped into the quiet of the garden.

that’s when you saw him.

outside your gate, leaning on his bike, head tilted like he wasn’t sure if he should knock or wait, eyes lighting up the moment he saw you. you froze for just a second. then smiled, heart fluttering.

he straightened, hands resting on the handlebars. “hi.”

“hi.” your voice was soft, breathless without meaning to be.

he hesitated, then asked, “do you have time?”

you didn’t even have to think. “always,” you said, the word slipping out easier than you expected. and it made him smile—the kind of smile that felt like a secret between you. he pushed the gate open gently, nodding for you to follow.

you didn’t ask where you were going. you liked the quiet between you. liked the way it felt to just walk beside him, matching his pace, your hands brushing once or twice and both of you pretending not to notice. he led you down a narrow path, one you hadn’t explored yet—between wild grass and low trees, where the world felt small and yours alone.

after a while, you came to a hidden overlook. the sea spread out below, the town small and still behind you. gulls drifted slow in the sky. everything smelled like salt and pine.

“i come here when i don’t want to think,” he said quietly, sitting on a rock and patting the spot next to him. “or when i want to think too much.”

you sat beside him, legs drawn up, head tilted to watch the sea. “what do you think about?”

he glanced at you, shy but honest. “right now? you.”

your breath caught. the sea murmured below, steady and low. the breeze lifted strands of your hair, cool against your cheek. you didn’t know what to say—not right away—so you let the quiet settle again, warm between you.

he glanced sideways at you, half-shy, half-curious. “have you always been this quiet?”

you smiled, tucking your knees closer. “maybe. the same could go for you.”

he let out a soft laugh, low and almost self-conscious, and gave a little shrug that somehow felt like a whole story. i guess so.

another stretch of silence, but it wasn’t empty. the kind that made you aware of your heartbeat, of the way the air seemed softer here, of how close his shoulder was to yours. finally, you spoke, your voice quiet as the breeze. “i thought i imagined you. when i saw you before. on the bike… at the market. i wasn’t sure you were real.”

his eyes found yours, gentle and a little surprised. his voice was lower now, like it was just for you. “i thought the same,” he said. “except once i saw you once… it was like i saw you everywhere.”

that made your chest ache a little, in the best way. you looked down at your hands, smoothing your thumb over your knuckle. “where did you come from, anyways?” he asked.

“just house-sitting,” you said. “for my aunt and uncle. they’re out of the country for the summer, and i was available.”

you realized, too late, that you hadn’t asked him in return—but he didn’t seem to mind. “i’m here for the summer, too,” he offered anyway. “helping my grandparents run the bookstore in town.”

you smiled at that. “the one with the green awning?”

he grinned. “that’s the one.”

you fell into easy conversation after that—small things, simple truths. how he’d come here for a week or two in the past, but never the whole summer. how you liked your tea. what book was in your bag right now. little pieces of yourselves offered up without thinking too much about it.

as the sun climbed, the clouds thinned, and the world brightened just enough to remind you of the time, your stomach grumbled softly, making you both laugh.

“come on,” he said, standing and offering you a hand. again, you took it and followed him without asking the destination. he led you to a street food vendor, and he paid before you could pull out your own wallet.

you ate standing up, leaning against a low stone wall, watching the slow stirrings of the town. the food was warm in your hands, the kind of simple that tasted perfect because of the company. when you finished, he walked you home again, slower this time. like neither of you wanted to reach the gate.

at the top of your steps, he stopped, rubbing the back of his neck like he didn’t want to leave. “come by the bookstore tomorrow,” he said. “if you want. it’s… quiet there. but i think you’d like it.”

you smiled, heart warm. “i’d like that.”

“good.” he lingered for just a beat longer, like there was more he wanted to say. then he gave a small nod and stepped back.

and you watched him go, already wishing it was tomorrow.

the next morning came soft and gray, clouds still heavy in the sky. you found yourself watching the clock, willing the time to pass faster. when you couldn’t take it anymore, you slipped out the door, following the path down into town like your feet already knew the way.

the bookstore was easy to find—the one with the green awning, tucked between the café and an antiques shop, its windows lined with plants and old editions that looked like they’d been sitting there for years. you hesitated on the step, heart beating quick with anticipation.

you saw him through the window, behind the counter, flipping through a hardcover. as if he belonged to this quiet place, as if he was part of its bones. he looked up, like he felt you there. and his face lit up in that soft, crooked way that made your stomach flip.

he met you at the door, holding it open. “you came.”

“of course i came.”

he stepped aside to let you in, the little bell above the door chiming softly. “welcome to my kingdom,” he teased, gesturing to the narrow aisles, the stacks of books that filled every corner. you laughed under your breath. “it suits you.”

the shop smelled like old paper and wood polish, warm and comforting. the kind of place where you wanted to lose track of time. “sit with me?” he asked, nodding behind the counter. you slipped around and sank onto the little stool beside his. your knees bumped—just barely—and neither of you moved.

for a while, you watched him work. he checked inventory, stacked a few books, helped a quiet customer find something. every so often, he’d glance at you, and you’d both smile like you didn’t mean to. when it slowed again, he nudged your shoulder gently with his. “come on. let’s pick something out.”

“for who?”

he tilted his head, grinning. “for each other.”

you wandered together between the shelves, pointing things out, quietly debating, teasing a little, learning what the other liked. his fingers brushed yours once when you both reached for the same spine, and neither of you pulled away right away.

finally, he handed you a slim volume of poetry. “this feels like you,” he said simply.

you gave him a novel, soft from many readings, with a girl on the cover who looked like she carried secrets. “and this feels like you.”

you returned to the counter, books in hand, and settled close again.

“what do you do? when you’re not house-sitting in small towns?” he asked, voice low like he didn’t want to break the quiet of the shop.

“i’m in school,” you said. “pharmacy major. not very poetic, i guess.”

“i don’t know,” he mused. “you’re helping people. that sounds poetic to me.”

you looked at him, caught off guard by how genuine he was. “what about you?”

“literature arts,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, almost sheepish. “i want to go into publishing. or maybe editing. or maybe i’ll just end up living in a bookstore.”

“that wouldn’t be so bad.”

he smiled at you, softer now. “no. not if you came to visit.”

your heart flipped again.

you stayed like that for hours. reading bits of the books to each other. sharing little things about your lives at school, your families, your favorite places to escape to when things felt too loud. your knees kept bumping beneath the counter. you didn’t move them.

when it was time to go, he walked you to the door, reluctant. “same time tomorrow?” he asked, hopeful but trying not to sound like it.

“same time tomorrow,” you promised. and when you stepped out into the cloudy afternoon, the world felt a little warmer.

the next day bloomed soft and hazy, the kind of morning where the air smelled faintly of sea spray and wildflowers. when you reached the shop, you found him waiting outside, leaning on his bike, a second one propped beside him.

he straightened when he saw you, that familiar soft grin lighting up his face. “ready?”

“for what?” you teased, though you were already smiling, already eager.

“trust me.” and you did.

the ride was slow, easy. the narrow road followed the curve of the coast, the sea glinting silver-blue to your left, fields and wild grass stretching to your right. the breeze tugged at your hair, cool against your skin, and the quiet between you felt comfortable now. not empty—just full of everything you weren’t saying.

every so often, you glanced sideways at him. his profile in the morning light, the way the wind played with his hair, the soft focus in his eyes. beautiful. unreal.

when he stopped near a stretch of empty beach, you swung off your bike, brushing the hair from your face. “i never thought i’d be riding a bike with you,” you said, almost to yourself. “the imaginary boy who looked so beautiful and windswept.”

he shot you a look, half amused, half shy. “you flatter me.”

you laughed, nudging his arm lightly. “you like it.”

“maybe.”

the sand was cool beneath your feet as you stepped out of your shoes. the sky was soft gray, the water calm and endless. you pulled your sweatshirt over your head, suddenly aware of the way the air moved against your skin. he didn’t stare, but you noticed his eyes flick toward you for just a second longer than necessary.

you felt his gaze, steady, quiet.

“what?” you asked, teasing.

he blinked. “nothing. just… you look nice.”

“you’re bad at compliments.”

“you’re bad at accepting them.”

before you could reply, he tugged his shirt over his head, revealing lean shoulders, smooth skin kissed faintly by the sun. you tried not to stare, but your mouth betrayed you. “not too bad yourself, song eunseok.”

this time, both of you blushed, the kind of warmth that settled deep and made your chest feel light. the water was cool but welcoming as you waded in together. soon you were far enough to tread water, the world narrowing to just the two of you and the endless sea.

you floated near each other, quiet, sharing soft smiles, letting the waves rock you gently. your fingers brushed underwater once, and you didn’t pull away. for a while, it felt like nothing else existed. just salt on your lips, the steady sound of your breaths, the space between you shrinking without meaning to.

when you finally made your way back to shore, you found a dry patch of sand and sat side by side, letting the sun and breeze do the work. your hair dripped onto your shoulders; his fell into his eyes until he pushed it back with one hand. neither of you hurried.

when it was time, you walked your bikes together, the ride slower this time, like you wanted the moment to last. he walked you all the way to your gate. you could feel your heart beating faster—not just from the day, but from what you wanted to say.

you stopped, turning to him, courage building in your chest. “so when are you going to take me on a real date?” you asked, laughing softly, trying to sound casual but feeling anything but.

he blinked, caught off guard. the tips of his ears turned pink. “a real date?” he echoed, like he needed a second to process it.

you nodded, watching him, waiting.

he rubbed the back of his neck, that shy grin tugging at his mouth again. “i mean… yeah. i want to. i just didn’t want to—rush you. or mess it up.”

your heart ached, in the best way. “you’re not messing anything up. i don’t think you could.”

he met your gaze then, steadier, braver. “tomorrow night,” he said. “a real date. i promise.”

“i’ll hold you to it,” you teased, but your smile was soft, full.

he lingered another moment, like he didn’t want to go. “you make it hard to leave, you know that?” and then he was gone, walking backwards a few steps before turning, glancing back at you once more.

you watched him until he disappeared down the path, your heart full of the day, and the promise of what came next.

you stood in front of the mirror, smoothing the soft white fabric down over your hips. the dress felt like air, like the sea breeze had woven it just for tonight. the delicate straps framed your shoulders, the bodice fitting you just right, and the skirt floated lightly when you shifted your weight. your cardigan hung loose over your arms—you wouldn’t need it yet, but something told you the night would carry you past sunset.

you looked at yourself and thought, this doesn’t feel real. he doesn’t feel real. but the way your heart raced at the thought of seeing him again—that felt real. too real.

he was waiting at your gate, leaning against it, looking up at the sky like he was trying to steady himself. when his gaze dropped and found you, he went still for a second, like he’d forgotten how to breathe.

“wow,” he said, softly, almost like he didn’t mean to say it out loud. his eyes traced the lines of you, from the soft white of your dress to the way the breeze played with your hair. “you look…”

you raised a brow, biting back a smile. “what?”

“beautiful.” it left him in a rush, like he couldn’t hold it in.

your cheeks warmed. “you clean up pretty well yourself.”

and he did. a crisp white shirt, sleeves rolled just so, loose slacks, his hair a little messier than usual from running a hand through it. he offered his hand without a word, and you took it without hesitation.

he led you down winding paths that opened up to the beach—the world stained gold and rose by the sinking sun. a blanket was spread out, a basket waiting beside it, a lantern flickering softly as the light faded.

“you planned this?” your voice came out smaller than you meant it to.

he rubbed the back of his neck, a little shy. “i tried.”

you both sat, close but not quite touching, and he unpacked the basket—fresh bread, fruit, a little jar of honey, pastries from the bakery. sparkling water that caught the light like stars in a bottle. simple. thoughtful. perfect.

you talked in soft voices, sharing quiet smiles, as the sun bled into the horizon. and after a while, as if he’d been working up to it all evening, he pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket.

“i wrote you something. it’s not much. i mean, i haven’t known you that long, but—i wanted to.”

your heart beat louder. you unfolded it carefully, the paper warm from being in his hand.

i haven’t known you long enough to write something grand. but long enough to know you feel like quiet mornings and books i never want to finish.

you feel like a sunset that makes me want to stay a little longer.

you told me to read that book— “she had a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, as if she wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.” that’s how you make me feel.

your throat tightened. you didn’t know what to say, so you folded it gently and held it close. “you make me feel that way too,” you managed. he smiled, soft and sure, like he’d waited his whole life to hear you say that.

the stars came out slowly, one by one. you slipped on your cardigan as the breeze cooled, and he shifted just enough to close the space between you, resting his hand where yours lay on the blanket. it wasn’t intentional—or maybe it was. either way, neither of you moved.

the night wrapped around you, salt in the air, the hush of the waves, the warmth of his skin against yours. when you turned to look at him, he was already watching you, his gaze so full of unspoken things that it made your breath catch.

he kissed you—slow, soft, sure. like he’d been waiting for this moment since the first time he saw you. your hand found his jaw, your thumb brushing the line of it, and he leaned into your touch like he couldn’t help himself.

when you smiled against his lips, he kissed you again, slower this time, like he never wanted the night to end. like he wanted to memorize the taste of you, the warmth of you, the quiet wonder of sitting under the stars with you.

you stayed like that for a long time—hearts racing, hands intertwined, heads tipped together as you whispered about nothing and everything. and when he walked you home, he didn’t let go of your hand until he had to. “thank you for tonight,” he said, voice low, full of meaning.

“i should be the one thanking you,” you whispered back, heart too full for anything else. and he left you there at your gate, the night stretching out behind him, the promise of tomorrow already blooming between you.

you replayed every moment of that night.

the way he looked at you like you hung the stars yourself. the way his hand found yours so easily, so naturally. the way his kiss felt like a promise you hadn’t dared to hope for.

but after that? nothing.

no quiet messages. no visits. no soft smiles from across the street.

the bookstore sat closed the two times you’d passed it. your heart sank each time, but you told yourself he’s busy. there’s a reason. there has to be.

but the days kept passing, and the silence stretched too long.

you tried not to spiral. you tried to focus on your books, the sea, the breeze that always felt lonelier without him. but you found yourself wondering—did he ghost me? was that all it was to him?

your mind whispered through every detail, overanalyzing. we had one date. maybe it was just that to him. maybe i imagined the rest.

the storm came hard and fast on the seventh night. wind rattled the windows, rain lashed the world outside, thunder rolled low and unending. you sat curled on the couch, cardigan wrapped tight, watching the storm like it might give you an answer.

you didn’t expect the knock, but there it was—frantic, loud, desperate.

you ran to the door, heart in your throat, and swung it open.

there he was. soaked through, hair dripping, chest rising and falling like he’d run the whole way. eyes wild, searching for you.

“eunseok?” your voice cracked.

“i’m sorry,” he gasped out, breathless. “i’m so sorry. i should’ve—i didn’t mean to—”

you grabbed his wrist and tugged him inside before the rain could drown him. “are you crazy? you’re going to get sick!”

he stood there, water pooling at his feet, and still all he could say was, “i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to disappear. my grandpa—he had to go to the hospital in the city and it all happened so fast and i should’ve called, i should’ve found a way to tell you but—”

your emotions rushed out before he could say more. “you didn’t mean to disappear? eunseok, it’s been a week.” your voice shook, but you couldn’t stop. “i’ve been here, wondering if i imagined it all—if you even liked me, if that date meant anything to you.”

his mouth opened, but you went on, the words spilling like the rain outside. “do you know what it felt like? waiting? checking my phone, thinking maybe you’d come by the house, or the bookstore, or something. i went to your shop—you weren’t there, no note, nothing. not a word. nothing.”

he looked stricken, eyes wide, tears mixing with the rain on his face. “yn, i—please—i didn’t want to hurt you. i didn’t want you to think—”

but your voice rose, hurt and angry and breaking all at once. “what was i supposed to think? did i do something wrong? was it all just in my head? i felt so stupid for hoping—”

“yn, no—god, no—”

he tried to step closer, but you instinctively took a small step back, overwhelmed. your voice dropped, trembling. “i waited for you. i wanted to see you. and you were just gone.”

he shook his head, rain dripping from his hair, hands clenched at his sides. “it happened so fast. i’ve been with him, helping my family, i didn’t know how to reach you. i didn’t want you to think i didn’t care—”

his words tumbled over each other, panicked and desperate, his breath ragged. “i thought about you every day. every second. i couldn’t stop thinking about how it must’ve looked, how you must’ve felt—i hated myself for not—”

“eunseok.”

but he kept going, voice breaking. “—finding a way to tell you, for leaving you in the dark, for—”

“eunseok.”

his eyes flicked up, wild, like he hadn’t truly seen you until now. you stepped forward, voice soft, tears blurring your vision. “eunseok!” he stopped, finally meeting your eyes. you didn’t realize you were both crying until you felt the tears slide warm down your cheeks.

“you’re here now,” you said, voice trembling. “that’s what matters.”

but his guilt kept pouring out faster than the rain outside. “i should’ve—”

you kissed him. you kissed him to shut him up, to quiet the storm inside him, to quiet the storm inside you. his hands rose, unsure at first, then desperate, holding you like he was afraid you’d slip away. when you pulled back, you both gasped for air, foreheads pressed together, tears mixing with rain.

the house was dark, only the soft flicker of candlelight illuminating his soaked form, the way his eyes searched yours like he was still afraid this was a dream.

“come here,” you whispered. “come hold me.”

“i’m soaked,” he said, shaking his head, but his voice cracked.

“i don’t care. i’ve been so cold.”

he let you pull him onto the couch. neither of you spoke. the storm outside spoke for you—the soft drum of rain on the roof, the occasional low rumble of thunder, the sigh of wind against the windows. his body was cold and damp against yours, but it didn’t matter. you pressed into him, curling your arms around his middle, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest.

his arms came around you, tentative at first, then tighter—like he was learning you, like he was memorizing how you fit against him. and for a while, that was all it was. the two of you breathing together, hearts slowly calming in sync.

you felt his heartbeat beneath your cheek—quick, nervous, real. you wanted him closer. you needed him closer. your hands slipped beneath his wet shirt, fingertips brushing the warm skin of his back. he shivered at the contact, but didn’t pull away. he only held you tighter, like you’d anchored him to the earth.

your palms flattened against him, pressing him impossibly nearer, as if you could close the space that had hurt so much the past week. as if you could keep him with you, right here, right now.

the fear hit you, sharp and soft at once. what are we? what if i fall and he leaves? what if this hurts later?

you swallowed hard, blinking fast, but the tears came anyway. he felt it—the way your breath hitched, the way your shoulders trembled just slightly against him. without a word, his hand rose, smoothing gently over your damp hair, as if to soothe both of you.

he pressed his lips to the top of your head. a soft, steadying kiss. one that said i’m here.

you closed your eyes, breathed him in. felt the shape of him, the warmth beneath the cold. and for a moment, the storm wasn’t so loud.

the power was still out. the only light between you came from the flickering flame of a single candle you’d set on the coffee table. its glow made everything feel softer—the room, the storm, even him.

finally, after the quiet had stretched long and fragile, you spoke. your voice tried to come out teasing, but it wavered, cracked just slightly at the edges. “so… did you really think about me every day?”

his gaze flicked to yours, and you saw it—how the question hit him right in the heart. he gave a soft, breathy laugh, almost disbelieving. “yeah,” he said, simply, truthfully. “every single day. probably more than was healthy.”

you wanted to smile. you tried. but your chest ached with everything you’d felt this past week. you lowered your eyes for a second, gathering your courage, then looked back up at him.

“i like you,” you whispered. the words felt big. you forced yourself to keep going. “i like you a lot. and i hated feeling so stupid for hoping… for wanting this to be something real.”

he didn’t hesitate—not for a breath. “it is real. yn, it’s so real it scared me.”

your heart clenched at the softness in his voice. he reached out, his fingers brushing yours, tentative but sure. “i’ve never felt like this before. not this fast. not this deep. i’m sorry i hurt you. i swear i didn’t mean to.”

the power flickered back on then, bathing the room in sudden warm light. neither of you moved. you just stared at each other, memorizing, breathing, feeling. you lifted your hand, fingertips ghosting over his cheek, thumb resting beneath his eye. his skin was cool, but his gaze burned into yours. 

“you don’t look real,” you said softly. “you don’t feel real.”

he leaned into your touch, eyes closing for just a second. “i’m real,” he said. “i’m right here.”

the moment hung there, weightless and full of meaning. you smiled, small and shy. “do you want to shower here?”

he hesitated, glancing down at his soaked clothes. “tempting, but… what’s the point? my clothes are still wet. might as well go home.”

then his eyes lifted back to yours, vulnerable, open. “i don’t want to leave. not yet.”

you didn’t want him to leave either. but you nodded, standing. “okay… let me make us something before you go. you need to warm up more.”

he watched you disappear into the kitchen, busying yourself with tea, with small snacks, with anything that kept your hands moving so your heart didn’t burst.

while you weren’t looking, he reached into his bag, pulled out a scrap of paper, and wrote. wrote the things he hadn’t said out loud.

the letter:

yn,

i don’t know how to say all this when you’re looking at me, so i’m writing it down.you scare me, in the best way. how fast you’ve taken up space in my heart. how much i want to be near you.i’m sorry for hurting you. i never want to do that again.i want to know you. i want to make this count. i want you to know i see you, and you’re not something i imagined either.

i hope you’ll let me show you how much i mean this.

(and because i don’t want to risk losing you again—)here’s everything:my number, my email, my instagram, my everything.

no more disappearing. not when it comes to you.

—eunseok

when you returned, he tucked it into your book on the coffee table, where he knew you’d find it once he left.

he didn’t say much more before finally dragging himself up, murmuring, “thank you. for tonight. for not shutting me out.” and as he stepped out into the night—his hand lingering a little too long on yours—you felt, somehow, like you’d just found something worth holding onto.

you found his letter before bed, folded delicately and tucked between the pages of your book. he must’ve slipped it there without you noticing.

you recognized his handwriting immediately. neat but a little rushed, like he had too much to say and not enough space to say it. you read it once, then again, each sentence blooming in your chest like sunlight after rain. you sat in silence for a while afterward, hands in your lap, the note still open beside you. your heart felt too full to speak, to even think clearly. and before you could second-guess yourself, you grabbed your phone.

[you] when are you free?

[eunseok] tomorrow, anytime for you

[you] come over to swim? and a movie

[eunseok] do i get to hold your hand this time?

[you] maybe if you behave

[eunseok] i’ll be there early

you spent all afternoon getting everything ready. the outdoor couch was fluffed with soft pillows and layered blankets. you strung fairy lights from the fence to the trees, letting them fall just low enough to cast a gentle golden hue across the yard. the projector was already set, the screen draped against the siding of the house.

he arrived just before sunset, a hoodie pulled over his head, his usual canvas bag slung over his shoulder.

“hey,” you greeted softly, heart skipping at the sight of him.

“hey,” he echoed, his voice low and warm as ever. your eyes met, and the quiet stretched—comfortable, close, familiar.

“come on,” you said, breaking into a smile. “you promised to behave.”

“i didn’t promise anything,” he murmured, brushing past you with the smallest, shyest smirk. “you just assumed.”

the water was cool on your skin as you floated beside him, your shoulders just barely touching now and then as you drifted closer and then apart again. you giggled when he splashed you gently, and in return, you cupped your hands and sent a soft wave of water in his direction. it was nothing wild or dramatic, just gentle. playful. like the two of you were figuring each other out without needing to say much at all.

at one point, he caught you by the waist—carefully, like you might disappear—and lifted you slightly before letting you slip back into the water with a laugh.

you turned toward him, face flushed and eyes bright. his expression softened when he saw you smiling.

“you’re beautiful,” he said so quietly you almost didn’t hear it.

your breath caught. “what?”

“nothing,” he murmured quickly, cheeks tinged with pink. “just… you look happy.”

you bit your bottom lip, eyes lingering on his. “i am.”

and he smiled back, small and real.

you changed before the movie—slipping into your softest loungewear: a delicate knit tank and matching shorts, barely-there fabric that felt like a second skin. you didn’t think much of it until you came outside and caught the way he looked at you. his eyes widened slightly, his breath audibly caught in his throat before he averted his gaze, rubbing the back of his neck. “sorry,” he mumbled.

“for what?” you asked, trying not to smile.

“you just—” he swallowed. “look pretty.”

your cheeks warmed. “thank you. i was just getting comfortable.”

he nodded, eyes still downcast. “comfortable’s good.”

you sat beside him on the outdoor couch, pulling the blanket over both of you. his thigh brushed against yours. he didn’t move.

neither did you.

you played Spirited Away on the projector, both of you curled under the blankets, limbs slowly drawn together over the course of the film. you rested your head against his shoulder, and he quietly pressed his cheek to the top of your head.

you could’ve stayed there forever. but partway through the movie, the first drops of rain tapped gently at the fabric of the couch.

you froze, then sat up. “no—no, it wasn’t supposed to rain.”

eunseok blinked slowly, watching you.

“i had more planned,” you said, a little too fast. “a playlist, dessert, i was gonna—ugh.”

he just smiled.

“you’re not upset?” you asked, frustrated at yourself for being visibly sulky.

“no,” he said. “i like the rain.”

you stared at him.

he reached for your hand, squeezing lightly. “it reminds me of you.”

your heart jumped.

“that first night out on the beach. it was cloudy and gray, and i kept thinking how soft the world felt around you.”

you looked at him, stunned.

“i’m not here for the plans,” he said gently. “i’m here for you. that’s what makes it perfect.”

your throat tightened, and you didn’t know what to say. so you nodded and let him lead you inside.

you restarted the movie from the couch, this time with your legs draped over his lap again and your body pulled close. your mood was still quiet, uncertain—but he reached for you anyway, gently guiding your head against his shoulder.

“you okay?” he whispered.

you nodded. but when he rested his hand over yours, you turned it over and kissed the back of it—soft and slow, like a thank you.

he looked at you, gaze flickering between your lips and your eyes. then kissed you, once. then again.

your hand slipped to the nape of his neck, and you kissed him like you had something to prove. your lips parted slightly, moving with more certainty this time, and he exhaled through his nose, tilting his head to deepen it.

he kissed you slowly, fully, his hand resting just beneath your tank top at your waist. he didn’t rush. didn’t take more than you offered. he just held you and kissed you and made you feel like nothing else existed.

it wasn’t a grand declaration or a sudden shift in the air. it was the way the days began to melt into one another, soft and golden, each one strung to the next by shared laughter, quiet glances, and fingers brushing in passing.

like a slow tide pulling you both in.

sometimes, you just listened to each other breathe. there were more beach days.

he’d tug your hand as you walked barefoot through the warm sand, guiding you toward the shoreline without saying a word. you’d splash each other, laugh until your stomach ached, and then float side by side in the water, arms and legs outstretched, letting the waves rock you gently.

you didn’t need to talk. not really. everything you felt shimmered in the silence between you.

you rode bikes again, this time with no real destination—just two bodies in motion, chasing the ocean breeze. he taught you how to ride hands-free, and when you failed, he reached out and steadied you by the waist, his laugh warm in your ear.

he started cooking at your place. the first time, he wore one of your aunt’s old aprons—white with tiny cherries on it—and looked absolutely unbothered. “don’t laugh,” he warned, eyes narrowed playfully.

“i’m not,” you smiled, biting your lip. “you just look… committed.”

he taught you how to make a dish, gently guiding your hands and correcting your knife technique with the softest patience. “you don’t have to be good,” he murmured. “you just have to try.”

you set the table while he finished plating, and he kissed your cheek just before you sat down to eat. you blushed so hard you forgot how to hold your spoon.

you visited the bookstore more regularly, sometimes just to sit behind the counter with him and do nothing at all. he always saved you a spot—tucked behind the desk, cross-legged on a cushion, with a small stack of books he thought you might like.

you shared music through one earbud each, working in silence, his knee occasionally bumping yours under the table. once, you fell asleep with your head on his shoulder, and he let you rest there for a full hour.

every night, when he walked you home, you found yourselves lingering outside your gate. you never wanted to say goodbye first. you always waited until he kissed you gently, like he was promising to see you again the next morning. and he always did.

you didn’t need to say it aloud. you were both falling.

slowly. surely. like the quiet descent of the moon into the sea. and you wondered, privately, what the end of this would look like.

because every day, you were beginning to feel like this wasn’t just summer. this was something real. something you’d carry with you—no matter how far you had to go.

he only sent one message.

[eunseok] wear your big girl clothes tonight.

you stared at your phone for longer than you should’ve, reading the message over and over again until your heart fluttered like it had somewhere to be.

your big girl clothes.

you opened your suitcase and pulled out the black mini dress you hadn’t dared wear yet—a fitted House of CB number with soft, ruched fabric and a sweetheart neckline that framed your chest a little too perfectly. it cinched right at your waist, and you found yourself adjusting it in the mirror longer than necessary, cheeks warm.

you sprayed your perfume just once—right at the dip between your collarbones, letting it settle there like a secret you wanted him to find. your hands shook slightly as you touched up your lips. why were you so nervous?

because it was eunseok. because you liked him. because you were falling. and tonight, something felt different.

he was waiting for you outside your gate, leaning back slightly against the stone wall, dressed in head-to-toe black.

he looked unfairly good. his shirt clung to his frame just right, sleeves cuffed at the wrists, collar open at the neck. his black trousers sat high on his waist, legs long and clean, and his hair—his hair was styled back, revealing that sharp forehead and the soft slope of his brows.

he looked up the moment he heard the gate click open. and when he saw you, his entire face softened.

you saw his eyes drop just slightly—just long enough to notice the dress, the way it hugged you, the shape of you framed by the faint light from the porch. he blinked once, then again.

"hi," you said, suddenly shy.

he didn’t speak for a second.

“you smell like you,” he finally said, voice quieter than usual. “but more dangerous.”

you bit back a smile. “that’s the perfume.”

his eyes lingered on your chest for a half-second too long before he looked away quickly, ears red. “i noticed.”

he led you through the town by hand, wordless but warm. the evening air was thick with salt and music—distant chatter from diners and the sound of the tide shifting just beyond the hill.

when you reached the tucked-away bar, it felt like entering another world.

the space was dim and intimate, with warm amber lights strung across wooden beams. soft jazz floated from a small stage near the back, where a band played with easy, practiced rhythm. the bar sat right at the edge of a cliff, windows open to the ocean breeze, the waves crashing gently below.

eunseok pulled out your chair. you couldn’t stop looking at him. “what is this place?” you asked, heart full already.

“my secret spot,” he said, leaning forward. “thought it deserved someone special tonight.”

you smiled so hard your cheeks hurt.

dinner was slow and lovely, every bite punctuated with teasing glances and quiet laughter. he refilled your wine glass each time it got low, brushed his fingers against yours when he passed you the bread.

he complimented you halfway through the meal, unprompted.

“you look unreal tonight,” he said suddenly, eyes on your lips. “like a painting. but—like, if the painting could kill a man.”

you blushed so hard you had to hide behind your water glass.

he just watched you, pleased.

after dinner, as the band began to play something slower, he stood and offered his hand.

“dance with me?”

you took it without a second thought.

the two of you moved together quietly—bodies swaying in slow rhythm. he held you like he didn’t want to let go, hand steady at your waist, the other wrapped in yours.

your head rested against his chest, the smell of his cologne, faint and clean, filling your nose. he was warm. solid. real.

“i wish this night would last longer,” you whispered, barely above the music.

he dipped his head so his lips brushed your ear. “me too.”

he walked you home under a full moon, fingers interlaced, your feet aching in your heels as you walked through the sleepy streets. it was quiet. still. like the whole world had gone still just for you two.

he stopped in front of your gate and looked at you.

his hair had fallen slightly, a few strands brushing his forehead. his shirt was wrinkled from dancing. his lips were slightly pink from wine. and he was smiling at you like you were something precious.

you didn’t want to say goodbye.

“stay,” you said, heart in your throat.

his smile faltered. “what?”

“just… stay tonight.” you stepped closer, suddenly shy. “i don’t want this to end.”

he studied you for a beat, then nodded slowly.

“okay,” he said, voice soft. “okay.”

you reached for his hand, guiding him inside with a quiet thrill fluttering in your chest.

tonight, you weren’t just infatuated. you were in love.

when you step inside, the hush of the night follows you.

neither of you say anything as the door closes behind. it’s like words would only break whatever magic you’re caught in.

eunseok drops the keys gently on the counter. you slip off your shoes. the wine from dinner still buzzes softly in your veins, but it’s nothing compared to the feeling of him beside you.

he reaches for your hand. you let him pull you toward the couch, where you both collapse in a quiet heap—your limbs tangled, his chest against your back at first, then you roll until you’re face to face, curled together. your nose bumps his shoulder. his breath warms your temple. you’re not even sure how long you lay like that—just holding, breathing, hearts thudding softly in sync.

“drunk?” you murmur.

“off the wine?” he hums.

you laugh into his shirt. “no. off me.”

he pulls back enough to look at you, one brow raised.

“because i am,” you admit, your voice gentle. “on you.”

his eyes soften. “same.”

your fingers drift down to his hand, playing with his knuckles, tracing his lifeline. you twist his pinky gently, make it wave. he watches you quietly, like he’s committing the image to memory.

you glance up and find him looking at you differently tonight. not like he wants something from you. just like he wants you.

“what are you thinking about?” you ask, pushing his hair back. it falls right back into his eyes. you try again, brushing your thumb along his temple, and then down, softly tracing his cheekbone. he closes his eyes.

“you,” he whispers.

you still.

his lashes flutter open. “i’ve been thinking about you since the day we met. maybe even before that, when i just saw you. glimpses. it’s like you existed in the quietest parts of my brain. and then suddenly, there you were. floating in the water. looking so sad and calm and beautiful all at once.”

you don’t say anything. just keep watching him. his voice lowers. “i didn’t know i could feel something this real. something so quiet and sure. but with you, it’s not just wanting. it’s needing. and hoping. and—” he pauses to breathe. “and i love you.”

your heart slips sideways in your chest. he looks like he means it with his whole body. like he’s terrified and relieved and everything in between.

“i love you,” he says again, barely a breath. “i had to say it tonight or i’d regret it.”

you lean in, pressing your forehead to his. your voice is fragile, but steady. “i love you too. i think… i think i’ve been waiting for something like this. not even realizing it. just always hoping love would feel like this. quiet. but full.”

he kisses you then. it’s soft at first—like he’s asking for permission with every movement. your hands slide up his neck, into his hair, anchoring him to you.

you melt into him, breath hitching when he shifts closer, when his hand slips under the strap of your dress. the world shrinks to this moment—his lips, his warmth, the soft sighs shared between you.

your heart races but not from nerves. from the knowing. this isn’t just infatuation. not just a fling. this is falling. and when he kisses you again, deeper this time, like he wants to feel every inch of your soul—there’s no more doubt. you let yourself get lost in him. in his hands. in his whisper of your name between kisses.

when he pulls away to look at you, you’re breathless. you took his hand, fingers lacing through his, and brought it to your lips for a small kiss before rising to your feet.

neither of you said a word.

just the sound of your breathing, your heart loud in your ears as you gently wrapped your fingers around his wrist. you felt the steady beat under your touch—his pulse, strong and quick, just like yours. his eyes searched yours, wide and filled with wonder as you quietly led him down the hallway toward your room, the pads of your bare feet pressing into the cool floor.

the door clicked softly shut behind you.

still holding his wrist, you turned to face him, bringing his hand up toward the thin straps of your dress. he followed your lead without speaking, fingertips ghosting over your shoulder. you exhaled, guiding his touch to slide the straps down slowly.

your skin prickled in the silence. then, without looking back, you reached for your hair and gathered it up, exposing the curve of your neck and spine to him.

“can you…?” you asked softly, nodding toward the zipper at the back.

his fingers hesitated against the fabric. “are you sure?”

you nodded, still holding your hair up. “i love you. and i want to do this—with you. for you.”

he pressed a kiss to your shoulder first, reverent and sweet, before moving to the zipper. he was so slow—like he didn’t want to rush, like he wanted to feel every breath of this moment with you. the sound of it lowering felt louder than it should’ve. each inch he unzipped was followed by the soft graze of his fingers over your back.

when the fabric finally slipped down to the floor, a hush settled in the room.

you stepped out of the dress, standing before him in only your panties—lace ones you hadn’t worn before, ones you’d saved for someone you loved. his eyes traced every part of you, his jaw slack with awe. you brought his hand to your chest, letting him cup you fully.

“you can touch me,” you whispered, guiding him. “i want you to.”

his hands were warm and gentle, cupping your breasts like he was trying to memorize the weight of them. you tilted your head up and kissed him again, slow and open-mouthed, letting your tongue slide against his.

 your kiss was soft at first—then deeper, laced with urgency, emotion. you gasped into it when his other hand found your waist, fingers digging into your skin like he couldn’t bear not to be touching you.

he gasped softly when you started working at the buttons of his shirt, palms moving over his chest as it opened. you let it fall from his shoulders, fingers slipping over his collarbones, down his stomach. he was firm and lean beneath your hands, skin flushed pink.

his hands came up to your cheeks, cradling you with such tenderness it almost made you cry. when you found his belt and unfastened it, his breath stuttered. pants hit the floor, leaving him in his boxers—already tented, his thighs tense.

you leaned forward, kissed him again—this time hungrier. he lifted you with a breathless sound, carrying you the rest of the way to the bed.

you let out a soft, surprised laugh as your legs wrapped instinctively around his waist. his hold was secure, strong. he carried you to the bed as if you weighed nothing and gently laid you back onto the sheets, your hair fanning across the pillow.

he leaned over you, forehead resting gently against yours, one hand braced beside your head and the other holding your waist like you might float away.

“you’re so soft,” he whispered, almost to himself. “so lovely.”

you pulled him down with you, into a kiss that grew hungrier the longer your lips stayed connected—tongues tangling, breaths stolen, soft gasps exchanged like promises.

his hand returned to your chest, cupping you again, but this time rougher, more confident. his thumb brushed over your nipple and you whimpered into his mouth. he broke the kiss to trail his lips down your jawline, down your neck, nipping and licking, sucking softly.

“you’re so perfect,” he whispered, breath hot against your skin.

your fingers found his hair and tugged, and he moaned as he pressed his mouth to your chest, pulling one nipple between his lips. your back arched as he teased it with his tongue, then moved to the other, squeezing the breast in his hand. when he grazed your nipple with his teeth, your breath hitched. he soothed the spot with his mouth again and you tugged him back up, crashing your lips together once more.

your kisses moved this time—your lips on his cheeks, his temples, his neck. every small peck felt like a whispered secret, a vow you hadn’t said aloud yet.

when you found the hollow of his collarbone, you sucked a mark into the skin, mumbling, “all mine,” before kissing down his chest. your hand slid between your bodies, pressing against the hardness straining his boxers.

“fuck—yn,” he breathed, hips twitching under your palm.

you looked up at him through your lashes. “can i take these off?”

he nodded quickly, voice shaky. “yeah… yeah, of course.”

he lifted his hips to help, and when he was bare before you, you wrapped your hand around him gently—soft but deliberate. his breath caught. your strokes were slow at first, admiring the weight of him, the warmth. then your grip tightened and your pace picked up, and he groaned, falling forward to press his forehead to yours.

you kissed him again, drinking in every moan he gave you, and his hands gripped at the sheets like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“yn, i’m—” he gasped, “i’m close—”

you pulled your hand away.

his eyes fluttered open in shock. “wh—?”

“sorry,” you whispered, grinning against his lips. “i’m greedy.”

before he could ask what you meant, you kissed him again, then slowly trailed your way back down. and when you finally planted a single wet kiss on his tip, his whole body jolted.

“shit—yn,” he choked out, his voice airy, wrecked.

“couldn’t help myself,” you said, breathless, crawling back up his body.

he cupped your face again, like he always did. “don’t apologize.”

you kissed his palm. then you brought his hand between your legs, tucking his fingers under the band of your panties.

“feel me, seok,” you murmured. “i need you.”

you both gasped when his fingers touched your clit—his thumb circling the swollen bud so gently it made your thighs twitch.

“fuck,” he whispered. “you’re so warm… so wet.”

you whimpered. “inside. please.”

he didn’t rush. his fingers slipped lower, exploring, learning. and when he finally pressed one inside of you, you clenched hard around him. he moaned at the feeling.

“you feel so fucking good,” he said, eyes wide and dark.

he added a second finger, then a third, pumping them slowly as he pressed his lips to yours again. the stretch made your breath catch, but it also made your body come alive.

your forehead pressed to his, your breathing stuttering. “eunseok—i love you,” you whispered.

he kissed you again, over and over. “i love you too, yn. i love you so much.”

his fingers curled, and you cried out as heat bloomed deep in your belly. his thumb returned to your clit and rubbed small circles, coaxing you over the edge.

you came undone with a moan of his name, hips stuttering as your climax hit hard and fast.

he held you through it, kissing your temple, his fingers slowing but not leaving you yet. your body trembled.

when the aftershocks faded, he kissed your forehead. “are you okay for one more?”

you opened your eyes and smiled sleepily. “song eunseok, if you aren't inside of me soon, i might cry.”

he laughed softly at your words, eyes crinkling as he leaned down to press a lingering kiss to your cheek.

“you’re cute,” he teased under his breath, but his gaze was full of reverence.

his lips found yours again, slower this time, mouths moving in sync like you had all the time in the world. one of his hands caressed your waist while the other moved to stroke your thigh, kneading the flesh before hooking it around his hip. he paused with his tip nudging at your entrance, eyes locked with yours.

you nodded silently, both hands pressed to the sides of his face. “you can… i want this. i want you.”

he kissed you softly, his voice low. “if i asked you to come closer, would you?”

you smiled. “i’d never leave.”

and then he pushed in, inch by inch, letting you feel every stretch, every shift.

you gasped, arms tightening around his back, tears prickling at the corners of your eyes.

“you’re doing so good, baby,” he whispered, kissing the tears before they could fall. “i’ll stop if you need me to. you just have to say.”

“don’t stop,” you breathed, holding his face. “you’re just… really big.”

he groaned, burying his face in your neck as he sank in deeper. “fuck—don’t say that, yn… i’ll lose my mind.”

your legs wrapped around his waist as he bottomed out, and for a moment, you both just breathed—chests rising and falling, bodies finally one.

he pulled back slightly, and your lips met again. slow.

“move,” you whispered into his mouth.

and he did.

each thrust was slow and deep, angled just right. his hips rolled into yours, and with each stroke, your breath hitched. he moved like he was memorizing you—how you gasped, how you clenched, how your fingers dug into his back when it got too good.

“you’re so perfect,” he groaned, “i don’t know how i lived without this.”

you kissed him again, needy now, whispering, “i’m gonna get addicted to you.”

“good,” he said, his thrusts picking up. “because i’m already obsessed.”

his words made your walls flutter and he gasped, losing rhythm for a second.

“fuck—yn… you were made for me. and i was made for you.”

you whimpered. “i feel so full. like i was made to hold you.”

he moaned, hips stuttering.

“where do you want me?” he asked breathlessly. “baby, tell me—”

“inside,” you cried out. “please. i’m on the pill, just—just don’t pull out.”

“god, yn,” he said through clenched teeth, kissing your lips again. “i love you.”

your hands found his cheeks, cradling his face as he chased his high. you watched the way his eyes fluttered shut, the way he gasped when he felt you pulse around him again.

your climax came first—hot and powerful—your mouth falling open as you clenched tightly around him. you dragged your nails down his back as you sobbed his name, and that was all it took.

he followed you with a strangled moan, warmth flooding inside of you in long, slow waves. he didn’t stop moving right away, letting you ride it out together—breathless, messy, completely consumed.

you held him to you when his weight collapsed against yours, both of you panting, your chests sticky with sweat.

“you’re the only one who’s seen me this way,” you whispered into his ear.

his head lifted, eyes blown and soft. “i was your first?”

you nod.

he didn’t say anything at first.

just looked at you.

his brows slightly pulled together, lips parted like he couldn’t find the right words—not because he was shocked, but because he didn’t want to say the wrong thing. the pads of his fingers brushed over your cheek as his eyes searched yours, wide and unreadable.

“you should’ve told me,” he said quietly, voice fragile like the hush of waves through the open window.

you smiled faintly, eyes glassy from the emotions swirling inside you. “would it have changed anything?”

his thumb ghosted across your lips. “no,” he admitted. “just… i would’ve gone even slower. held you longer. memorized every sound you made.”

your throat tightened at that. “you did all of that anyway.”

a pause. “you gave me something no one else ever will. not just your body, but… your trust. your love. all of you.” his voice cracked slightly at the end, and his gaze dropped for a moment. “i just—i want you to know that i don’t take any of it lightly. not even a little.”

you could see the earnestness in his face, in the furrow of his brow and the way he pressed his lips to your forehead like a quiet promise.

“it was never just about the sex,” he whispered. “i love you, yn. you’re it for me.”

your breath hitched, something warm blooming behind your ribs. you nudged your nose against his. “you’re it for me, too.”

he kissed you again, this time slower—less like he needed you and more like he had you, and that was enough. he pulled out carefully, brushing his lips over your shoulder as he whispered, “let me clean you up.”

you nodded, still blinking back tears.

he returned a minute later with a warm towel, and the gentleness in his touch made you feel everything all over again. you watched him in silence as he cleaned you up like it was second nature to him—tender, patient, reverent.

“come here,” you whispered when he was done, reaching for him with outstretched arms.

he slid back under the covers and gathered you into his chest, your cheek resting over his heartbeat. his hand rubbed slow circles into your back, his other arm curled around your waist.

“do you feel okay?” he murmured after a moment, kissing the top of your head.

“better than okay.”

he smiled into your hair. “you’re incredible. you know that, right?”

you shook your head, and he kissed your temple again like he was trying to convince you.

moonlight spilled softly through the windows, casting faint silver streaks across the floor and the tangled sheets wrapped loosely around your legs. the only sound was the slow rise and fall of your breath as you curled into his chest, your fingertips absentmindedly tracing the curve of his collarbone.

eunseok had gone quiet.

not in the way that meant he had nothing to say—but in the way where everything he wanted to say was in the way his hand moved slowly over your back, the way his lips rested against the crown of your head.

you tilted your head up just slightly. the moonlight hit his features just right—dark lashes, soft eyes, slightly flushed cheeks, lips still kiss-bitten and warm. and for a moment, all you could do was look. you didn’t say it right away. it sat on your tongue like the taste of something sweet you didn’t want to swallow too soon.

“eunseok?” you whispered.

his hand stilled, then resumed its slow rhythm. “mm?”

you reached up, brushing his hair gently from his eyes. your fingers lingered along the curve of his cheekbone, and he leaned into your touch without hesitation.

“you’re like the moon to me,” you said quietly.

his brow furrowed just slightly in confusion, a small tilt to his head. “the moon?”

you nodded, heart hammering.

“you don’t chase like the sun,” you explained, your voice steady but low. “you wait. you watch. you light up the dark without trying to outshine anything else.”

you took a breath, eyes locked on his. “you’re soft and constant. the kind of quiet that makes everything feel okay.” he blinked, and his hand tightened just a little at your waist.

“and even when you’re not right beside me… i feel you. like you’re always there. always watching. always waiting.”

a silence stretched between you. not uncomfortable—just heavy with emotion. he looked at you like he didn’t know how he’d go this long without hearing those words before.

“yn…” he whispered, voice catching on the swell of his feelings.

you smiled, a bit shy, heart open and beating wildly in your chest. “i mean it.”

he brought a hand up to your face, cradling it like you were something sacred. his thumb brushed the edge of your jaw, then your cheek. “you have no idea what you do to me,” he murmured. “you’re… i don’t even have words.”

you leaned forward and kissed him, soft and slow. when you pulled back, he was smiling—wide and dazed and just a little glassy-eyed. “you’re the only person who’s ever said something like that to me.”

you pressed your forehead to his. “i’m glad i got to be the first.”

the silence returned, but it felt different now—like something warm and golden had settled between you. and even though your eyes were starting to slip closed, your hand found his beneath the blanket, fingers lacing together.

he kissed the back of your knuckles. “i love you,” he said quietly. you smiled into the crook of his neck. “i love you, too. more than words could ever explain.”

and in that soft, moonlit quiet, your heart was the fullest it had ever been.

you loved waking up in his arms.

even before your eyes opened, you could feel him—his steady heartbeat beneath your cheek, his bare chest warm against your skin, his breath slow and even near the crown of your head. the weight of his arm around your waist was grounding, fingers twitching ever so slightly against your spine, like he was dreaming of you.

your lashes fluttered, and in the pale morning light that spilled through your curtains, you looked up at him—sleep-soft and beautiful. his lips were parted slightly, hair tousled and falling into his brows. you reached up, brushing your fingertips against his mouth, then his cheekbones, then the bridge of his nose.

you smiled to yourself, cheeks already warm.

your thighs ached when you shifted slightly beneath the covers, but the ache was sweet—a quiet reminder of what the two of you had shared under the stars just hours ago. a reminder of how loved you felt.

you snuggled impossibly closer, nose tucked against the hollow beneath his jaw.

he stirred at the movement, a sleepy hum leaving his throat as his arm tightened around you. his lashes lifted slowly, and the second his eyes landed on you, his whole face lit up. it wasn’t fair, you thought—not when his smile could melt every part of you.

“morning,” he murmured, voice still hoarse with sleep. his thumb brushed your hip lazily, like he couldn’t stop touching you even if he tried. “how are you feeling, baby?”

you hummed into his chest, pressing a kiss just above his heart. “a little sore,” you admitted, lifting your gaze shyly. “but… really happy.”

he chuckled softly, a low sound that vibrated through his chest. “i figured. i wasn’t exactly gentle, was i?”

you swatted his side lightly, and he grinned.

“i’ll help you shower,” he offered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “if you want.”

your face heated instantly. “you’re just trying to see me naked again.”

“i’ve already seen you naked,” he pointed out, smirking slightly.

you buried your face in his shoulder. “eunseok!”

his laugh was everything you wanted to hear first thing in the morning. he kissed the side of your head and whispered, “i love you.”

you peeked up at him again, biting back a smile. “i love you too.”

his eyes softened as he cradled your jaw and kissed you properly this time—slow and sleepy and full of meaning. and then, without another word, he gently pulled the blanket off your body and lifted you from the bed as if you weighed nothing.

“you really don’t have to carry me—”

“shh. my girl’s sore. i’m taking care of her.”

“you’re ridiculous,” you whispered, arms around his neck.

“and hopelessly in love,” he replied, nudging your nose with his.

you let yourself be held, let yourself fall in love even more with the way he held you—like you were everything. and as he carried you into the bathroom, whispering soft, flirty nothings and promises of a warm shower and warmer kisses, you knew that waking up like this—heart full, limbs tangled, love heavy in the air—was something you’d never forget.

eunseok didn’t officially move in, but he might as well have.

he still technically stayed at his grandparents’ place in town—but most nights, he ended up here. he’d bring extra clothes, his toothbrush, his half-read books. he never meant to take up space, and yet somehow, every corner of your little beachside house now had traces of him.

but the most noticeable thing was him, always beside you.

sometimes, you’d be reading on the couch while he cooked dinner. other days, he’d be drawing or writing something by hand while you scribbled in your journal across the table. you didn’t always talk. you didn’t always touch. but you didn’t need to. just knowing he was there—existing quietly in your space, filling the room with his slow breath and thoughtful presence—was enough to settle something in your heart.

you hadn’t realized how much of yourself craved that until he gave it to you. a love so gentle, it never needed to speak loudly to be heard.

some afternoons, you still made it down to the beach. the water was warmer now. the sun hung lower. everything had a golden tint. you’d run along the sand, racing him and laughing when he cheated with long strides. sometimes he tackled you, both of you collapsing into a heap of giggles and flushed cheeks.

“you’re such a menace,” you’d groan, brushing the sand out of your hair.

“you love it,” he’d grin, rolling off you just enough to press a kiss to your cheek.

he kissed you constantly now—when you woke up. when you walked past. when you handed him a cup of tea. when you laughed at one of his dumb puns. and he always said it, too. “i love you.” like it was the easiest truth in the world. you said it back, always.

you meant it more each time.

he took you back to the overlook one evening. the same one from weeks ago, where you sat close but didn’t touch, where he said all he thought about was you. now, the space between you didn’t exist. your head rested on his shoulder, his arm around your back, your legs stretched out and tangled slightly.

“pretty sky,” you whispered.

he looked at you instead. “yeah.”

his fingers laced with yours, thumb brushing the inside of your wrist like he was trying to memorize the beat of your pulse. like the rhythm of your heart had become his favorite song.

you stayed until the sky turned lilac and the first stars blinked into existence. neither of you moved. not even when the night breeze kicked up.

you just stayed, like you could stay forever.

back at home, you danced.

there was an old jazz record spinning on your aunt’s dusty player—something warm and slow, all saxophone and crooning vocals—and the living room lights were off. only the soft glow of the kitchen light lit your silhouettes, casting shadows that swayed across the walls.

your arms looped around his neck. his hands settled naturally on your waist. you rested your cheek against his chest and let yourself be held.

“you’re good at this,” you mumbled against him.

he laughed, breath warm in your hair. “at what?”

“being here.”

“with you?” he asked softly. “it’s the easiest thing i’ve ever done.”

you lifted your head, just to see the look on his face. it was full of something you didn’t have words for—just love. the kind that simmered low and quiet, never showy, but endless.

you kissed him slowly, the music spilling through the open windows like a lullaby.

one night, you were curled up in bed, cross-legged with your guitar in your lap. the strings felt worn under your fingers, the wood smooth against your palms. you didn’t know what made you start humming. something about the quiet. or the fact that he was just lying there—on his stomach, chin resting on his arms, watching you with that look.

his whole body was still, like any movement would break the moment. his eyes were soft, full of something unspoken.

you looked up from your guitar and caught his gaze. “what?”

he didn’t blink. “nothing,” he said. “just… i think i’ll remember this forever.”

you bit the inside of your cheek, cheeks warm. “you’re just saying that.”

“i’m not,” he said, shaking his head slowly. “i mean it. the way you look right now. the way you sound. the way this feels… it’s something i don’t want to forget.”

your breath caught in your throat. you didn’t know how to respond.

so instead, you kept strumming—quiet and clumsy—and let the weight of his words settle into your heart, where they’d stay. where he’d stay.

somehow, he became your home.

there wasn’t a clear moment you could point to—no dramatic turning point, no flash of realization. it just happened gradually, like the way light fills a room in the morning. quiet. natural. complete.

you’d wake up with his arm around your waist, your cheek tucked against the curve of his chest, the soft inhale and exhale of his breath lulling you in and out of sleep. sometimes he’d murmur something you couldn’t fully hear, not yet awake enough to process. other times, he’d just hold you tighter, like he’d been waiting all night to feel you again.

mornings were slow now. you didn’t rush anything.

eunseok made coffee the way you liked it—too sweet, too milky. you’d perch on the counter while he moved around the kitchen barefoot and soft-eyed, hair messy from sleep. he always kissed you on the cheek first, then the nose, then the lips. you pretended to be annoyed, but your heart bloomed every time.

you both did your own things during the day. sometimes he’d read on the couch while you tried to teach yourself a new recipe. you didn’t need to fill the silence. it never felt empty.

the days blurred together full of soft edges, quiet joys.

you swam again—often. sometimes at sunset, your skin glimmering gold as he chased you through the waves. other times in the middle of the night, when the world was still and moonlit, and he whispered your name like it was sacred as he held your hand beneath the water.

he cooked dinner often. you’d sit on the counter and kick your feet while he stirred sauces and diced vegetables, humming to whatever vinyl you put on. sometimes he made you try things with your eyes closed. you always trusted him.

there were days when you’d walk to the bookstore just to be near him while he helped customers. he’d give you that little smile from across the room—just enough to make your stomach flip—and pass you folded notes when no one was looking.

miss you already. meet me behind the shop later?do you know how pretty you look when you read?thinking about kissing you for the rest of the day.

he always smelled like warm paper and clean soap. you were always a little dizzy around him.

some nights, you danced again.

not for long. just a song or two. his hands always found your waist. yours always found his chest. you moved slowly, letting the music fill the space between your bodies until there was no space left.

you told him you loved him every night. he always said it first. and it never sounded routine. never lost its magic. it always sounded like a promise.

one afternoon, you asked if he wanted to see your favorite secret place—a hidden spot beyond the dunes, near a crumbling old dock. he followed without question, carrying a blanket and a bag of snacks. you sat cross-legged, toes buried in the sand, watching the tide roll in.

he laid beside you, one hand tucked under his head, the other reaching for yours. you traced shapes on his palm. he closed his eyes.

“what are you thinking?” you whispered.

he was quiet for a long time.

“…that i wish time would slow down.”

you didn’t answer. you didn’t know how.

you just scooted closer and tucked your head beneath his chin, and stayed there. still. quiet. warm.

the first time you realized how used to him you’d become, you were brushing your teeth and found yourself reaching for a second toothbrush to hand to him. he wasn’t even in the room.

another time, you caught yourself reaching for your phone, your fingers already typing his name without thinking, like he was the default person for everything now.

every plan you made included him.

every thought bent toward him.

every part of your day felt shaped around his presence—even the quiet ones, even the ones where you didn’t speak much at all.

you weren’t sure what it meant, what it would become. but it felt real. and it felt like forever, even if you didn’t say it aloud.

one evening, the sun dipped below the horizon in a pool of peach and pink. you’d been outside watching the sky fade when he appeared behind you, arms wrapping around your waist.

“pretty,” you murmured.

“you’re blocking the view,” he teased.

you rolled your eyes. “i’m taller than the sun?”

he didn’t answer, just pressed a kiss to the back of your shoulder. “you’re all i can see.”

and you swore, in that moment, that even if you forgot everything else about this summer—the names of flowers, the taste of peaches, the sound of ocean wind—you would remember this. his arms around you. the quiet sky. the way he said it like he meant it.

the storm rolled in slow, but the air was heavy all day.

you felt it before the first drop of rain even hit—something restless in your chest, tight and aching. it wasn’t just the weather. it was the creeping sense that something was shifting. like summer itself was slipping through your fingers, and with it, everything you’d come to know and love about your days here… about him.

eunseok’s bag was by the door. his shoes lined up beside yours. his toothbrush next to yours. he belonged here. but lately, everything had felt a little off-kilter. your silences had grown longer. your thoughts had gotten heavier. he didn’t say anything about it at first. he just gave you your space. let you drift and recenter the way he always did.

but space only gave you more time to spiral.

you were lying on the couch while he cooked dinner, curled under a blanket, eyes unfocused on the ceiling. rain pattered softly at the windows, not yet a storm, but enough to paint the world gray. he called your name from the kitchen once. twice.

“yn?”

“what?”

he paused. “…nothing. just checking.”

you heard the hesitation in his voice. the quiet concern. the way he always softened when he spoke to you—but tonight it scraped against your nerves.

later, at dinner, you barely touched your food. you were pushing pasta around on your plate, nodding absently as he told you something about the bookstore. the town. a neighbor's dog. you weren’t even pretending to listen, not really. your mind was a million miles away.

“hey,” he said gently, finally putting his fork down. “what’s going on?”

you looked up too quickly. “what?”

“you’ve been somewhere else all day,” he said. “all week, actually. you keep disappearing.”

“i’m right here.”

“no, you’re not.”

you exhaled sharply. “i just have a lot on my mind.”

“then talk to me,” he said. “you don’t have to carry it by yourself.”

“you wouldn’t get it.”

his brows furrowed. “try me.”

you stood, suddenly needing to move, to get away from the heat rising in your throat. “you’re always acting like you understand everything about me, eunseok, but you don’t.”

that stopped him cold. “what?”

“you think you know me,” you said, pacing now. “you think because we’ve spent weeks together in this little bubble that you understand everything i’m feeling? you don’t. you can’t.”

“so tell me,” he said, his voice growing sharper. “stop assuming i wouldn’t understand. stop deciding for me.”

“you don’t want to understand,” you snapped. “you just want me to smile and be quiet and read next to you and not say anything when it all starts falling apart.”

he stood now too, jaw clenched. “that’s not fair.”

“it is fair,” you said, breath catching. “because i’m the only one here thinking about what happens after this. you’ve just been floating. pretending this isn’t temporary.”

he looked like you’d slapped him. “you think i haven’t thought about the end?”

you turned away, arms crossed. “i think you’re just fine pretending like we’re in a fairytale, and when it’s over, you’ll just… go.”

“go?” his voice cracked. “yn, do you honestly think i could just go?”

you didn’t answer. your silence said enough.

“god,” he whispered, pushing a hand through his hair. “i love you, and you still don’t believe me.”

you flinched. the words shouldn’t have hurt. but they did.

“don’t say that right now,” you said tightly.

“why? because you’re angry? because you want to push me away before i can leave you first?”

your chest rose and fell with the effort to hold back tears. “maybe because you saying that doesn’t fix everything.”

“i’m not trying to fix everything,” he said, stepping closer. “i’m trying to get through to you. i don’t want this to end either. do you think it’s been easy for me to love someone this much, this fast?”

you shook your head, but he kept going.

“i think about you all the time. i wake up thinking about you. i fall asleep next to you and i still miss you when you roll over. i’m terrified, yn.”

your eyes met his, wide and wet.

“then why didn’t you say any of this before?” you asked, voice trembling. “i’ve been walking around like i’m the only one who’s scared to lose this.”

“because i didn’t want to make it worse,” he said. “because i thought if we just held onto each other a little tighter, it wouldn’t feel like slipping.”

a long silence followed.

the rain had gotten heavier, now hammering against the windows like it was trying to break in.

you were both breathing hard, chest to chest, heat between you still crackling with the remnants of the fight.

and then you stepped into him. buried your face in his neck. his hands came up instantly, pulling you into him like he was afraid you’d disappear.

“i’m sorry,” you whispered.

“i know,” he murmured. “i’m sorry too.”

the storm had slowed to a whisper, nothing more than soft streaks of rain sliding down the windows now. everything inside the house was hushed, the air thick with apology and the fragile tenderness that always followed a breaking point.

you sat together on the floor, backs against the kitchen cabinets, legs stretched out in front of you. the dishes were still on the table, untouched. his hand was loosely holding yours, thumb brushing slow arcs against your skin like he was trying to memorize it again.

you were both quiet. not because you didn’t have anything to say—but because you were still finding your way back to each other. and neither of you wanted to rush it.

eunseok was the first to break the silence.

“can we…” his voice was quiet, unsure. “can we not fight again?”

you looked over at him, and your heart softened at the slight tremble in his brows. he looked so young like this—like a boy trying to figure out how to love someone with his whole chest.

“ever?” you asked, a small smile tugging at your lips despite the sting still in your chest.

he mirrored it. “ever,” he repeated. “or, at least… not like that again. not the kind where we forget we’re on the same team.”

you leaned your head against his shoulder, and he rested his cheek on the crown of yours.

“i didn’t mean it,” you whispered. “what i said earlier.”

“i know,” he murmured.

“i just got scared,” you said. “i started thinking about the end before we were even close to it.”

“me too,” he admitted. “just… in a different way.”

you pulled back slightly to look at him.

“i started imagining what it would be like to not have you near me every day. and it made me—i don’t know. defensive, i guess. it’s dumb.”

“it’s not dumb,” you said quietly. “it means you care.”

he reached for your hands, fingers lacing with yours.

“i do,” he said, looking at you with that calm, steady expression he always wore when he meant something. “i care about you more than i’ve ever cared about anything.”

your throat tightened. his grip didn’t loosen.

“and yeah… sometimes i think it’ll hurt. but that just means it matters.”

you nodded slowly, his words sinking into your chest like rain into soil.

“so,” he said gently, “let’s not fight like that again. and let’s not run from it when it gets hard.”

“what do we do, then?” you whispered.

he smiled, brushing his thumb over the back of your hand. “we keep choosing each other. that’s it. we figure out the rest along the way.”

you felt your breath catch. a tear slipped out before you could stop it, and he reached up to wipe it away with the softest touch.

“even long distance?” you asked, barely audible.

“especially long distance,” he said. “we’ll make it work.”

you leaned in, pressing your forehead to his.

“no rules? no timelines?”

“no rules,” he promised. “just us.”

and when he kissed you, it felt like sealing something sacred—like promising to keep your hearts stitched together, even from miles apart.

you woke with your face pressed against his chest, his arms still around you—heavy and sure, like he hadn’t moved all night. like maybe he was scared to, in case you disappeared.

you shifted a little, just enough to look up at him.

his lashes fluttered, and then his eyes cracked open, already smiling before his mouth caught up. he looked at you like there was nowhere else he’d rather be. like nothing else existed outside of the bed you shared.

“good morning,” he murmured, voice low and still soaked in sleep.

you swallowed. your chest ached, but not the painful kind. it was soft. a slow swell. full of something that had grown too large to carry in silence any longer.

“i love you,” you whispered, voice barely a breath. “i really love you.”

he blinked slowly, like your words had wrapped around his entire body. then he kissed your forehead, once, twice, three times.

“i love you, yn,” he said gently. “so much.”

his hands rubbed slow circles into your back and you nuzzled closer, pressing yourself against him like you needed to fuse into him to stay alive. you felt him shift a little beneath you and glanced up with a small pout. “don’t go,” you whispered.

“i wasn’t,” he said, voice warm. “just moving. you’re glued to me, remember?”

“you’re my air,” you mumbled into his chest.

he laughed softly, rubbing your back. “okay. okay, i’m not going anywhere.”

you stayed like that for a long while, until the morning light was fully spilling into the room, the storm outside gone, the sky calm.

eventually, you got up—reluctantly, lazily, moving around each other like a dance as you brushed your teeth and tied your hair. he offered you his hoodie even though the sun was out again, just because he knew you liked to feel wrapped up in him.

you made a simple breakfast—toast, eggs, fruit—and sat close enough to share a plate. your feet brushed under the table. neither of you said much, but every glance, every quiet smile felt like its own sentence.

afterward, you took a trip into town for groceries, fingers laced as you strolled the aisles of the little local market.

it wasn’t busy. soft instrumental music floated overhead and there were only a few other shoppers. everything felt slow, gentle.

you read labels aloud to each other. picked out your favorite fruit. bickered over which pasta shape was superior.

“this one,” you said, holding up penne.

“wrong,” eunseok replied, grabbing the farfalle. “but okay.”

you rolled your eyes and he leaned in to bump his shoulder into yours.

he let you push the cart after that, walking with his hands tucked into the pockets of his hoodie, stealing glances at you every few minutes like he couldn’t quite believe you were really here, still choosing to stay.

and you couldn’t stop watching him either.

how he picked up a bag of flour with too much care. how he smiled at a little kid who waved at him by the cereal aisle. how he always circled back to you like you were home base.

you wanted to freeze the moment and live in it forever.

on the walk back, the air was cool again, clouds thin and silver overhead. you shared an umbrella even though it wasn’t raining. your heads leaned into each other, and you walked like that the whole way back.

when you got home, he helped you unload everything, setting things gently in the cabinets like he’d done it a hundred times. like this was his place, too. and maybe it was now.

you glanced at him as he placed a bunch of bananas on the counter. you’d fought yesterday, but you were still healing today.

the summer wasn’t slipping away all at once—it was unraveling slowly, in golden threads. and you held on to each one. the days had softened into something quieter. less urgent, but no less intense. you and eunseok had become impossibly close—entangled in routine, in memory, in rhythm.

on monday, he brought you iced tea in a mason jar with lemon slices floating in it. you were lying on your stomach in the backyard, sketching half-baked drawings into your journal, when he plopped down beside you, stretching out like a cat in the sun.

“what’re you drawing?”

you rolled over to show him. “nothing, really.”

he looked anyway. “i like your nothings.”

he stayed like that for hours. didn’t speak much. didn’t need to. he read next to you while you traced shapes into the grass with your fingers, your ankles touching, warm and comfortable. it felt like forever, even though it was just a monday afternoon.

the next day, you rode bikes into town. you wore his sweater even though it was hot—it still smelled like the skin behind his ear.

he led the way down the slope of the hill, glancing back to check on you every few seconds, like he couldn’t help himself. when you caught him smiling at you, you grinned so hard your cheeks hurt.

“you’re gonna get us both hurt looking at me like that,” you teased.

he stopped at the corner and let his bike fall over in the grass. “can’t help it. my girl looks pretty on a bike.”

you tried to roll your eyes but blushed instead.

you stopped by the bookstore, where he let you sit behind the counter while he tidied up some returns. you curled your legs under you and read aloud from a poetry book, your voice soft enough that he had to keep leaning in to hear you better. when you got to a line about the ache of loving someone quietly, you paused.

you both looked up at the same time. you smiled, your heart full and fragile.

“read it again?” he said, eyes too tender to look at directly.

afterward, you wandered into the cafe and split a flaky pastry dusted with powdered sugar. you didn’t talk much—just held hands under the table and looked at each other like the world was made just for this. just for now. he wiped sugar from your cheek with his thumb, so gentle it made you want to cry.

later in the week, you found yourselves on the beach again. it was cloudy, the kind of sky that made the ocean look steel-blue, endless.

you rolled around in the sand like kids, play-fighting and giggling until your limbs were sore. he pinned you once, his hands on either side of your head, and you blinked up at him with a breathless smile.

“say you surrender,” he murmured, nose brushing yours.

“never,” you whispered.

he kissed you like a sigh. like you were something soft he couldn’t stop reaching for.

that night, you lay tangled on a blanket by the dunes, tucked away in your own world. the moon hung heavy above the water, casting light across his face like a painting.

“you’re staring,” he said, not looking away.

“i’m allowed.”

“how come?”

“because i love you,” you said easily.

he blinked. smiled, slow. “well. when you say it like that.”

he kissed you again. soft, gentle. like he meant to memorize the way your mouth tasted under moonlight and you let him.

you barely made it through the front door.

his hand was wrapped around yours, fingers laced, like letting go wasn’t an option anymore. you giggled softly as he backed you against the door, kissing you between breaths like he was trying to tell you something he didn’t know how to say with words.

you brought your hands to his face, holding him close as your mouths moved in rhythm, slow and searching. his lashes fluttered when you whispered his name.

“come with me,” you said, tugging gently at his hand.

the lights inside were dim, shadows curling in the corners of the room, the only real glow coming from the moonlight spilling through the windows. you led him up the stairs, barefoot and quiet, hearts thudding a little too fast.

by the time you reached your bedroom, his touch had turned reverent—fingertips brushing your wrist, his thumb rubbing soft circles into the back of your hand.

you turned to face him, walking backward until your knees hit the bed. “you always look at me like that.”

“like what?”

“like i’m the only thing you want,” you whispered, barely above a breath.

he stepped closer, the moonlight outlining his jaw, his throat, the soft part of his chest where your hands always found home. “you are.”

you smiled and sat back onto the mattress, pulling him toward you. he climbed on with you, kneeling between your legs, kissing your shoulder as you wrapped your arms around his neck. your bodies moved slow, like you both knew you didn’t have forever—but you had this.

he leaned in to kiss you again, and this time it was deeper, more lingering, more patient. your hands trailed down his back, under the hem of his shirt. you felt his breath catch when your fingertips grazed his spine.

“take this off for me?” you asked gently, tugging at the fabric.

he nodded, and you watched him lift his shirt, slow and shy. your hands followed, smoothing up his torso as you memorized every inch of skin revealed. once it was off, you pressed a kiss to the center of his chest.

“your turn,” he murmured.

you leaned back slightly, letting your arms slip from the sleeves of your oversized top. the cotton fell to your waist, and his hands moved up your sides, warm and careful.

“you’re so beautiful,” he whispered.

you kissed him before he could say more, your lips soft and certain. his touch grew bolder, mapping you gently, his hands cupping your breasts again, but this time slower, as if learning them all over again. your thighs bracketed his hips, bodies slotting together naturally, and it felt like something that had always been meant to happen.

the two of you moved in sync, undressing each other like a slow dance—pausing between every shift to kiss, to touch, to look. when you lay back and opened your arms to him, he came to you easily, resting on his forearms, his face hovering just over yours.

“you okay?” he asked softly, searching your eyes.

you nodded, breath shaky but steady. “i want this. i want you.”

his lips brushed your forehead, then your nose, then your mouth. “you have me,” he said.

the way he entered you was slow, careful, his eyes on yours the entire time. you both gasped when your hips met fully, your fingers digging into his shoulders, his mouth slack with emotion.

you held him close. not just physically, but emotionally. like the summer might slip away if you didn’t.

he moved slowly at first, tender, each roll of his hips punctuated by kisses to your cheek, your jaw, your temple. you whispered each other’s names like prayers, your bodies speaking the words your hearts couldn’t contain.

when it built—when the heat curled low and unbearable—he moved deeper, a little faster, and you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

“you feel like home,” you whispered in his ear, trembling.

“so do you,” he said. “you’re everything.”

you kissed as you came undone, together—him whispering how much he loved you, how he’d never stop, your tears slipping between your lips as your limbs trembled. he stayed inside you even after, holding you like the moment could last forever.

and in the quiet after, your breathing eventually matched. the world outside was still cloudy and gray, but it felt beautiful again.

because you were with him, and he was with you.

the morning came slow.

filtered through gauzy curtains, light bled across tangled sheets and soft skin, casting a golden sheen over your bare shoulder. eunseok lay beside you, one arm tucked beneath your head, the other resting heavy over your waist, fingers twitching like they couldn’t bear not to be touching you.

you blinked awake to the sound of his heartbeat beneath your cheek.

you didn’t move. didn’t speak. you just breathed with him, letting each slow inhale keep time with your own, like it had all summer.

you tilted your head slightly to look up at him. his lips were parted, lashes casting small shadows under his eyes, hair sticking up at odd angles from the pillow. your hand found his chest, tracing the dip of his collarbone, then up the bridge of his nose, the bow of his lips.

he stirred. eyes fluttering open, his smile bloomed the second he saw you.

“hi,” he whispered, voice hoarse with sleep.

you leaned up to kiss his cheek. “hi.”

his arms tightened around you instinctively, like he’d forgotten for a moment that things were changing. but then the weight returned to both your chests—the knowledge that this was the last morning.

“how are you feeling?” he asked gently, brushing a thumb beneath your eye.

“sore,” you admitted with a smile. “but happy.”

he laughed softly, kissed your forehead. “wanna shower?”

you hesitated, burying your face in his neck. “not yet. just… a little longer.”

he didn’t argue. didn’t move. just held you tighter, like you were something too precious to rush.

you stayed that way until the sun was high, and you had to start moving, packing, letting go--piece by piece.

he helped you, of course. folding clothes, zipping your suitcase, slipping small notes into jacket pockets when he thought you weren’t looking. neither of you said much. there wasn’t anything left to say that hadn’t already been whispered between lips, pressed into skin.

when the time came, you kissed him goodbye not at the airport, not at the door, but right there—amidst the rumpled sheets and shared silence.

you cried a little. so did he. but there was no desperation in it. no begging or unraveling. because you both knew this wasn’t the end.

your bedroom at home smelled like detergent and dust.

you stood in the doorway for a long moment, blinking in the unfamiliar quiet, the ache in your chest deepening at the absence of him. you unpacked slowly, letting the familiar sounds of your house anchor you. and then, folded into the sweatshirt he had let you keep, you found the letter.

his handwriting was careful. not perfect, but soft in its own way—just like him.

yn,

i wanted to give you something that didn’t need a signal or battery. something that couldn’t glitch or lag.

i love you. you know that by now. but what you might not know is how deeply. how every part of you—your laugh, your frown, the way you kick your feet when you read, the way you can’t take a compliment—has found a place inside me.

this summer changed me. you changed me.

i’ll be counting the days until i see you again.

always, eunseok

you sank down onto your bed, holding the letter to your chest, the weight of his words settling over you like a blanket.

eunseok had seen you before. he knew even from looking at the back of your head that you were familiar—like a face he had seen everyday on his trip. 

he first saw you because he always struggled with going to sleep in places he wasn’t familiar with. he liked having the temperature set a certain way and he liked being able to smell himself on the covers. but here, the sheets were changed everyday and the thermostat automatically set itself to freezing temperatures.

eunseok thrashed in his bed the first night, trying to beat away the jet lag and the unfamiliarity of a new place so he could get a decent nights rest. eunseok turned to see sungchan sleeping on the other side of the room soundly. he thought about the itinerary his sleeping friend made, how the plan was to begin at the break of dawn and not stop until well into the night. eunseok was sure that his friend was trying to kill him. 

he looked at the time on his phone and groaned inwardly, turning to face the ceiling. he couldn’t stop thinking about the morning, how he was going to be dead to the world wandering through the streets of amsterdam with sungchan. he put his groggy mind to work to find a solution, and it wasn’t long before eunseok found out there was a convenience store nearby. when eunseok remembered the directions he moved to the search engine on his phone next, asking what the energy drink selection was like in amsterdam. 

when he started walking down to the narrow hallway that would take him outside, eunseok heard you first. he heard you yelling, muffled slightly by the closed door of the building. he paused for a moment, debating on if he should go back to his room and tough out the night and the morning. eunseok was introverted in that way, sometimes he found himself going to great lengths to avoid human interaction. but when he only heard your voice yelling he continued slowly down the hallway to assess the situation. when he got closer to the door he heard you clearly, and he saw you through the clear glass of the window sitting on the steps with your knees pulled to your chest. he saw the back of your head first, how you had it tilted and occasionally shook it. eunseok saw your hands next, how one held a cigarette in the air and the other held a phone to your ear. he smelled the fumes from your cigarette melding with the spring air when he opened the door. 

“—and you won’t fucking believe what he told me.” you said into the phone.

before you could finish your tirade, you turned to face eunseok. he was caught off guard by the confusion on your face, like you were almost amazed someone else was awake at this time. he was confused too, how you dropped all of your focus on the call to turn to him. he thought he saw your gaze soften for a moment before you went right back to the frown, turning your head to continue your conversation. 

eunseok couldn’t even offer you a shy hello or tight-lipped smile before you were back on your phone. the only thing you did to acknowledge his presence was that you lowered your voice and started blowing your smoke clouds away from the door. eunseok let no time pass before he cleared his throat and began heading down the short flight of stairs. he tried his best to look forward at the brick road, not paying attention to the way you waved your hands to convey your frustration into the phone. he saw ash from the end of your cigarette fall onto the ground, and he felt your gaze on him as you started only murmuring responses instead of yelling into the receiver.

eunseok did the same thing when he came back from the store with his energy drink and candy bar. you still sat on the steps outside the hotel only this time your phone rested beside you on the stone stairs. eunseok no longer saw you speak and he no longer saw the fire in your eyes—all he saw was a blank stare forward as you moved like a robot in front of him. you had a new cigarette now, the ash hanging heavy on the end as you brought it to your lips in a repeated motion. you moved the lighter in your hand constantly, alternating between spinning it on your fingers and squeezing it in your palm. neither of you spoke or offered eachother a second glance as he cleared the stairs to go back into the hotel.

you two had unknowingly created a routine. eunseok would go about his day being tourist with his friends but at night he would feel himself craving a run to the convenience store the same time you would be outside on the stoop smoking a cigarette. each time he would leave and see you on the phone, talking about something regarding this ever-frustrating him. eunseok had no idea who he was, all he knew was that he was the subject of all your phone calls and seemingly all your problems. eunseok concluded that he was also the reason you would end each night staring forward while mindlessly inhaling your cigarette.

the only difference now was that instead of your hands holding a cigarette they were wedged into the sand, and instead of looking forward to brick buildings eunseok saw you looking towards the water. he followed your gaze from where he stood and he couldn’t see anything but the pitch black water and foamy bubbles that came from the crashing waves. eunseok looked behind him towards the cabana. the party he assumed you were supposed to be a part of went on without you. he continued to stare at you sitting on the beach, alone in your loose pretty dress that blew in the wind. his feet dug into the sand as he considered approaching you, getting ready to turn on his heel to head back to the hotel. he felt out of place without his energy drink and candy bar and not seeing you blow out smoke clouds. when he heard you sniffle and saw your shoulders shake he couldn’t stop himself.

“you look different without a cigarette in your hand.” he called out.

eunseok got you to turn away from the black water to look at him. he could see the last bit of your tear tracks before you wiped them away. the confused look in your eyes lasted for a moment as you searched his face, trying to remember why he looked so familiar. when you recognized him eunseok saw you frown before turning back to the water.

“that’s really the first thing you’re ever gonna say to me?” you pull your hand from the sand to scratch the back of your neck. he sees the ring on your finger before you press it back into the sand. “also you scared the hell out of me.” you say.

eunseok drags his feet in the sand towards you as he apologizes. when you hear him get closer you turn towards him again, and you pull your hand from the sand to rest is on the surface. eunseok assumes you’re trying to put the wedding ring on display for him, but it doesn’t stop him as he gets closer. 

“sorry.” he apologizes again.

“all good.” eunseok sees the moonlight cast on your face as you turn again to look up at him. “you look different without a shitty candy bar and an energy drink.”

eunseok sits down in the sand next to you, stretching out his legs far. he sees you shake you head and you begin laughing.

“like seriously, who buys an energy drink that late?” you say.

eunseok puts his hands up defensively, smiling when he heard you chuckle.

“jet lag.” eunseok puts his hand on top of the sand next to yours “and my friend likes to do stuff really early in the morning.” he says.

“why aren’t you with your friend now?” you asked

eunseok shrugs his shoulder, letting his hand drift a little more towards you. he smiles again when he feels your eyes focus on his creeping hand.

“early sleeper.” eunseok looks to you, bringing your attention from his hand to his eyes. “i like to have time alone at night.” he says.

“yet you’re here talking to me?” you ask, keeping eye contact.

“i’m just sticking to our routine.” eunseok dusts off the sand on his hands just to put his down even closer to yours. “i’ve seen you every night so far.”

with your head tilted you looked eunseok up and down. you started from his blonde hair that blew in the wind down to his hand that was dangerously close to yours. you swayed from side to side, and eunseok could see a smile on your face that only got bigger the longer you looked at him.

“i’m very much engaged, you know.” you hold up your hand to eunseok’s face, making sure he has to make eye contact with the band on your ring finger. “soon to be very much married.” you say.

even saying the world felt unnatural. it stayed on the tip of your tongue a beat too long, only being pushed past your lips when you realized you had to say it.

you put up with all the problems of the trip because you heard being married was nice. you heard marriage one of the few sacred things left in life, a promise between two people. but each argument, each compromise, every mishap made you believe it wasn’t worth it anymore. you had narrowly avoided the reality of being married to such an extent you realized that was your first time ever saying it. 

with the weight of your sentence sinking in, you looked back to the sea. you let your arms rest on your knees, your hand with your ring dangling in the space between you and eunseok. he turned forward too—both of you let the sound of water crashing against water fill the silence.

“do you love him?” eunseok still faced the sea as he spoke.

“of course.” you say it without hesitation, as if that will make it anymore convincing.

“how much?” he asked.

you turned away from the dark waves, head resting on your arms. you looked at eunseok for a moment, how kissable his lips looked. he was almost like a dream in front of you as if the light ocean breeze was going to blow him away. you think about how he would look underneath the artificial light of your hotel room.

“i’m saving it for my vows.” you said smiling.

you looked back to see the party that goes on without you. bad luck followed you all day—you could even say it followed you this entire trip. you believed you could handle it, but as time went on it only got worse. situations you usually would’ve been able to approach with a level head only gave you a migraine. you were barely able to escape the situation of your sloppy drunk fiance at the cabana without going over the edge. you remembered looking into his bleary eyes that were hooded from all the alcohol. he confessed to you that everything was just for appearances, that his “love” for you was simply transactional. he told you through slurred words about his true love, how he wouldn’t stop seeing her despite the ring on his finger. you couldn’t be mad, infidelity in a loveless marriage was bound to happen. but it didn’t make the words hurt any less.

you thought nightly calls with your friend back home would make everything bearable. but there was something in the air tonight that had been building up since you landed. something weighed over you like a dark cloud—maybe it was the truth of your future setting in. maybe it was the broken heels that sat next to you in the sand. maybe it was your makeup that felt heavy like a mask on your face or your broken nails. maybe it was the cheap decorations in the cabana and the music that was mixed terribly. you don’t know what it was but suddenly you wished you brought the secret pack of cigarettes that was tucked away in your suitcase. a bad habit you picked up and planned to kick just in time for your wedding. you saw it as your last act of rebellion, a way to fight back against the appearances even if you hated the smell and didn’t have a taste for nicotine.

you looked to the stranger next to you, watching his hair blow in the salty wind. this was admittedly the closest you had ever been to someone in a long time. even before eunseok shuffled a little closer to you a quick flash of panic made your hand clench. you forgot what to do when someone was so close. you were sure that he could smell the sadness on you, your desperation for human interaction.

your shoulders almost touched, his hand less than an extended arms length away from you. maybe he could be your lifeline instead of the poisonous cigarettes in your hotel room. he could be the thing you pretend didn’t happen when you go back home and live the rest of your life. it seemed like a sign from god himself to have the only person who has seen you smoke appear before you the one time you didn’t have a cigarette wedged between your fingers. you didn’t believe in fate because it was intrinsically connected to true love, but what were the odds that the man beside you that had constantly seen you at your lowest the whole week was touching your shoulder and so close to touching your hand?

you dragged your hand through the sand, slowly like the tide that was coming in. you let your hand with your ring rest over eunseoks’. you continued looking forward, scared he was going to pull his stiff hand from underneath yours at any moment. he kept it there, even spreading his fingers so yours could fit in the gaps.

“the hotel is really close to here.” you said to the sea.

“is it now?” he turned towards the sea too while intertwining his fingers with yours. “my name is eunseok by the way.” he said.

“nice to meet you, eunseok.” he nodded to your greeting, and you leaned to the side until your shoulders touched. “do you always flirt with vulnerable women when you go on vacation?” you teased.

“do you always invite strangers back to your hotel at your engagement party?” he asks.

eunseok thinks he went too far when he sees you stand up from the sand. his smirk fades and he gets ready to apologize, but instead of walking away you start dusting the sand from your flowing dress. eunseok helps, patting away any sand he sees. you turn around and look down at him, and eunseok swears he can hear the waves crashing a little harder and the wind pulls your dress a little more. you smooth your dress out to no avail, and reach out your other hand to eunseok. he takes your hand and pulls himself up with ease, wiping off the sand harder than he did off your body.

“my heels broke.” you say, holding up the pair for proof.

eunseok crouches down and without a word motions for you to get on his back. you don’t hesitate, putting your hands on his shoulder while you leg wraps around his waist. he hoists you up and holds you there, rearranging your body until he holds you securely. your broken heels dangle from your hands as eunseok passes by the cabana to held back to the hotel. 

you hold onto eunseok’s shoulders a little tighter, scared that someone would notice you. with your cheek pressed to his back you two walk past the party. nobody notices you, not bothered to look away from their drinks or their conversations. eunseok says nothing, but you can feel him pull in a breathe. when you see your husband you turn your head, facing away from him as sand embedded into your cheek presses against eunseok’s clothed back.

eunseok carried you on his back the whole way to the hotel. your chin went to resting on his shoulder, watching your broken heels dangle in your hand like a pendulum. you listened to his steps on the brick roads not saying a word. when eunseok didn’t speak either you felt yourself wanting to hear his voice. by the time you got to the front of your hotel you would’ve answered his prying questions if it meant he’d keep talking to you. you could tell he was holding questions at the beach, probably too nervous to even ask you for your name. 

eunseok didn’t speak again until he made it inside the elevator. he adjusted his hands underneath your thigh as he looked to the buttons to each floor.

“which one?” he asked quietly.

you pointed your sandy foot to the top floor, and you could see eunseok’s lips form an “o” before pressing the button.

you got down from his back when you two exited the elevator and you looked down both sides of the hallway trying to remember which way to go. when you remembered your placement you looked back to eunseok. he was stiff, standing completely still. he looked to you confused at your sudden expression. 

before he could ask you where to go you lifted your dress and ran the same way you did when you left your party—the only difference now was that you were laughing instead of crying, and when you looked behind you someone was coming after you. eunseok closed the distance behind you fast, laughing as you both made you way down the long corridor. you were able to get far enough ahead of him that you held your keycard to the door and unlocked it, leaving it open just wide enough for a panting eunseok to enter through the crack. 

you were still catching your breath when you sat on the edge of your neatly made bed, dropping your heels to the ground beside your planted feet. the light in your entryway was still on, making the shadow of eunseok taking off his shoes project onto your wall. when the adrenaline of running wore off, you began nervously flexing your feet. eunseok was taking so long to come into your line of sight that you started feeling the individual grains of sand between your toes.

when he finally came around the corner eunseok stood still by the wall. he looked at you sitting on the edge of the bed, hands pressed into the mattress beside you. he could feel his nerves hang like static over his body when he couldn’t look you in the eye. he let his gaze wander down to the ring on your finger, focusing on the gold band and how it caught the light.

“where are you from?” he asked absentmindely.

eunseok watched you ball up your fist so your ring was hidden. his attention was brought back to your face when you shook your head.

“i don’t think it’s a good idea for me to tell you that.” you said.

even if he wanted to know more, eunseok still nodded. he didn’t have it in him to pry, he barely had it in him to stand in front of you now. all he could think about was the possibility of your husband coming in, or sungchan calling for him asking where he was. you seemed to notice, because you leaned back on the bed until only your elbows propped you up.

“he’s usually out all night.” eunseok couldn’t pull away from your eyes once he caught them. “do you want to come over here?” you said, motioning to the part of the bed beside you.

eunseok nodded, clearing the space to sit next to you on the bed. he left no space between your shoulders, coming so close you almost felt the need to shift away. he pressed the hand between your two bodies onto the mattress behind you, and used his other hand to turn your face. when you kept eye contact, eunseok looked across your face for some sort of sign. 

“you can kiss me.” you said, nodding.

eunseok closed his eyes and began leaning in, pressing his dry lips to yours.

when eunseok began moving his lips against yours you turned to the gentle tide that rise on the beach. like water you melded into his touch, so closely it felt like you were becoming one. you moved your own hand to eunseok’s face, almost gripping him in efforts to bring him closer. eunseok leaned into his hand that was behind you to go deeper into you, pushing a timid tongue into your mouth. you accepted a little too quickly, lowering your jaw so you could do the same. you had forgotten what it felt like to make out with someone so intensely—you felt like a teenager again, bringing a boy into your home and trying to do everything you could before you were busted.

with your eyes closed it was almost easy to forget about your situation. in the world you saw behind your closed eyelids you were not committing the countless moral wrongdoings. but when you opened your eyes you reluctantly remembered your current situation. the repercussions didn’t stop you from kissing eunseok with a force that matched his fervor, and it didn’t stop you from moaning into his mouth either. it only made you more desperate—you put your hand over his and slowly guided it down your body as you raised one of your legs until your foot was resting on the edge of the bed.

with the silent permission to touch more of you, eunseok was slow with it. he ignored your hand that pushed his downwards and took his time squeezing your chest. he even grabbed your arm to hold it, seeing how much he could fit in his hand. you had given up trying to get him to speed up as your hand went to his pants. eunseok didn’t try to slow your hand down even as if fumbled with the button on his shorts. eunseok lifted his hips enough for you to push the waistband of his shorts far enough for you to wrap your hand around his length.

when he got to your leg eunseok slowly started dragging his hand up to your knee. he didn’t waste the time to pull your dress up, instead going underneath the fabric to get to you as fast as possible. with your hand pumping his dick he was already getting desperate, your slow languid movements made eunseok hiss and sigh into your mouth. you worked your way up to his tip, squeezing and then repeating the motion. he pressed into your underwear, and you fisted his shirt in your free hand. eunseok did that for a moment, just rubbing you over your panties until slick started seeping through. he could feel the fabric dampening underneath the pads of your fingers, and you pulled completely away from his lips to rest your head on his shoulder. 

you refused to look at eunseok, focusing on his arm that was half gone underneath your dress. the parts of his arm that were left uncovered moved in tandem with his fingers against your heat. you could feel him find you easily, rubbing circles and occasionally reaching down your folds. you would’ve liked to last longer, to atleast have some sort of upper hand in this situation. but your fiance rarely kissed your cheek and you could hear eunseok above you sighing from your ministrations. you would’ve loved to hear him get louder, to almost beg you to speed up your hand. but your need for more made you pump eunseok’s dick a little faster and to squeeze him a little tighter. his hand that was behind you on the bed reached around your waist to pull you closer. 

“do you have a condom?” he whispered into your hair. 

you nodded and pulled away from eunseok to clamber further onto the bed. he did the same while pushing his pants and underwear all the way off as you grabbed your purse resting on the nightstand. you ruffled through your densely packed bag until you felt the familiar packet of the condom brush against your finger. you handed it to an already naked eunseok. your eyes widened as you took in the parts of his body you hadn’t seen. you scanned over his whole body in an instant, ending on the view of his hard dick resting against his lower stomach.

“sorry.” eunseok took the condom from your hand. “i’m just not sure how much time we have.” he reasoned.

you shook your head, reaching to the end of your dress to pull it over your head. 

“i understand.” you said.

when your dress was completely off, eunseok had the condom fully on. you watched his hands slowly pump his dick, and it was his turn to look at you with wide eyes. even with the lewdness of it all he still looked at you softly, head tilting to the side as he waited for you to make another move. when you reached behind your back to try and undo your bra eunseok crawled clower to you on the bed. his hands went to your body instead as he peered over your back, finding out how exactly to undo the clasp.

“lemme help.” eunseok said, hands already going to your bra straps.

you nodded against his neck as he undid it on the first try, shivering from his breath fanning your neck and your nipples that were becoming exposed to the cold air of your room. you shifted from your spot on the bed and you already felt vulnerable. you couldn’t remember the last time someone had seen you like this, your mind even drew blanks trying to remember the last time you were naked in front of your fiance. eunseok’s hands went to your shoulders, trying to soothe them enough to go down to a relaxed position. he didn’t take his eyes off of you as he cleared his throat, looking down to the pllows that were placed in the center of the bed.

“i can be on top? if that’s alright with you?” eunseok offered.

“okay.” you nodded, but motioned to the covers underneath your body. “i’m cold.” you said.

even though your body felt like it was on fire underneath eunseok’s fingertips, he nodded anyway. as you were lowering your body to become situated on the bed, eunseok gently pulled the sheets from under your body to pull them over you both.

when you were fully on the bed you adjusted to find a comfortable spot on the pillows. you spread your legs getting ready for eunseok to slot himself between them but instead of hovering over you eunseok moved to one side of you, hands going underneath the waistband of your panties. he watched you, pulling the covers down slightly as he slowly dragged your panties down your body. he kept the same gruelling speed, making your underwear catch on your skin and your knees as you lifted your legs up. when they were discarded over the edge where eunseok’s clothes were he came between your legs, and you spread them further to give him enough room. he pulled the covers up his back, and you felt the warmth from your bodies become trapped in the small space.

seeing eunseok look down at you made you forget everything. every thought, every word you could’ve said, everything you could’ve done completely left your mind as you stared up at him. for a moment the only thing you could hear were waves crashing on the beach, the sound of your hands digging into the sand as the water creeped up closer to your feet. when eunseok started lowering his head down to meet yours you swore you could feel the water lap at your feet. 

when he kissed you again, your hands went to his arm that was propped beside your head. as badly as you wanted to hold hands with a stranger, you settled for digging your fingers into his bicep, eunseok didn’t mind, your gut even told you he liked it. he pulled away from your lips to look down between your two bodies and you followed his gaze. you saw eunseok’s hard dick bobbing in the space as he inched closer to your pussy. you felt anticipation prickle as you bent your knees, spreading your legs even further. eunseok brought his body down to press against yours. you drew in a breath when you felt his tip prod at your entrance.

“tell me if it hurts and i’ll stop, okay?” eunseok says.

you bring him closer by your hands that press into your back. you keep him in the crook of your neck, hoping to save the last bit of dignity you know you’re going to lose soon. 

eunseok’s hand that was propped beside your head fists your hair, and he draws in his own breath as he slowly sinks into you. when you seize around his tip and he can’t push any deeper, he kisses the skin of your neck.

“you gotta relax.” he hisses.

you pathetically nod your head like he can see it.

“i’m trying.” you shift your hips, the change in the angle causes you and eunseok to both hiss. “i’m sorry.” you apologize. 

eunseok shakes his head against yours, kissing your clammy skin again.

“don’t apologize.” he says.

eunseok pulls himself out of you with a sigh and he moves to the side to free up a hand. you think that eunseok is getting ready to pull away completely, but you feel his hand lightly graze down your skin. you keep your eyes on his hand, even after they go underneath the tent your bodies make in the covers.

when eunseok presses a gentle hand to your clit you jump in place and pull in a tiny tense breath. he looks down too but looks to you quickly when he feels how stiff you became.

just try to breathe.” eunseok says.

his eyes stay locked on your face and you turn your head to turn and relieve the stress of him looking at you. eunseok keeps the burning gaze on your features, watching to see how you’ll react. when you nod your head his fingers go lower, and when he presses into your slit you sigh quietly. when you open your eyes you see his smile and you feel him slowly push his fingers inside of you.

“i’ll take care of you.” eunseok pulls his fingers out and pushes them back in. you can feel yourself already relaxing to take him in. “just relax.” he assures.

you nod pitifully, letting your body relax again. when eunseok speeds up his fingers you get lightheaded, and when he adds a third you start nodding your head to encourage him. eunseok is fully leaned on his side as he fucks you with his fingers, alternating between your face and underneath the covers. his eyes get wider looking at you, and his hair slightly shakes each time he moves. you get that churning in your stomach you haven’t felt at the hands of someone else in so long and you quickly clutch eunseok’s shoulder. he stops immediately, looking at you curiously while he scissors his fingers inside of you.

“i’m ready.” you whimper.

eunseok nods pulling his fingers from your heat. you can see him hesitate with his hand, he brings it dangerously close to his lips and you instinctually shake your head rapidly.

“sorry.” he chuckles.

eunseok goes back to resting on both his forearms, hovering over your body. he comes close to the same position he was in before and beings his lips to your ear. you can feel his breath fanning your already hot skin and you can feel his tip prod your entrance. eunseok and you both take a deep breath at the same time you feel him sink inside of you. even with the prep you feel yourself seizing around him the same way you did before. his wet hand grabs your side, a gentle grip to try and get you to ease up.

“fuck. just try to relax.” eunseok says quietly into your ear.

although eunseok tries to remain steady for you, the grunts and shaky breaths give him away. you can tell he is struggling to stay with you, and you begin trying to match his deep inhales in efforts to relax your body. when you both feel it working eunseok pushes in a little deeper and holds onto you a little tighter. you two repeat the process, silently falling into another routine.

when eunseok was fully inside, you both let out sighs of relief. he draws his hips back and with a grunt he pushes back in, and his hand that held your side goes to your legs to guide them around his waist.

with eunseok buried deep inside of you, kissing on the skin of your neck that hadn’t been touched in so long you felt complete. you were completely connected to the man above you, the two of you moving in complete harmony. when he pulled all the way out your hips tried to follow him, and when he held his breath you did the same. 

the moment was fleeting, gone as quickly as it came like the foam from crashing waves. but when he pulled away from the crook in your neck and pressed his forehead to yours as he pushed into you again, you couldn’t stop it.

“i love you.” you breathed.

as soon as you said it both of you froze. instantly you felt the atmosphere of the room change, eunseok’s eyes went wide as his hips stilled as your lips parted in shock. you froze the same way he did, the hands you had pressed to eunseok’s back went beside you as you squirmed underneath him.

“i’m sorry.” you apologized again.

eunseok shook his head, and his hands that were pressed into the bed beside your head reached down to grab your hands.

“it’s okay.” eunseok held your hand tighter, pressing your clasped hands in the mattress as he drew his hips back again. he kept eye contact with you this time, watching your face contort in pleasure as you took every inch of him. he dropped his head back into the crook of you neck, making sure you could feel his smile against your skin when he was completely inside of you. “save it for your vows.” he said.

eunseok had participated in one night stands before. he had done the heated makeout sessions in the corner of dark bars, and the quickies in the back of cars. if knew he was well versed in the world of intimacy and sex with strangers, so he had no idea why he felt everything with you so deeply. maybe he was more of an empath than he thought, or maybe there was something more he couldn’t quite put his finger on. maybe he would be able to talk to you about it after everything—maybe he’d find out you felt the same. the motivation to talk to you drove eunseok to put his hand underneath your thigh, bringing your leg up until your knee almost touched your chest. he hit deep inside of you, each slow thrust causing your body to move a little further up the bed. one of your hands planted onto the headboard and the other fisted the sheets. eunseok suddenly remembered time was fleeting as you seized around him again.

“i’m leaving tomorrow.” he grunted.

eunseok saw your eyes dart from where your two bodies met to find his eyes. he could see the downward shift in your eyebrows, and the pout on your lips made eunseok think you were close to crying. you nodded your head, squeezing your eyes shut when eunseok hit that spot deep inside of you again.

“that’s okay.” you said, voice whiny and high-pitched. you put your hand over eunseok’s on your leg, nodding again. “that’s okay.” you repeated.

eunseok looked at you under him, eyes bleary and red. he pressed his hand deeper into your thigh and the covers slipped past his shoulders revealing more of your body that you almost seemed to try and keep hidden. eunseok couldn’t stop himself from thinking about your life when he saw the panic flash across your face. he knew he had no right to, and he also knew all of his assumptions about you could’ve been completely untrue. but you seemed to have a life many would be envious of. there was no way you were poor, judging by the designer dresses, the expensive perfume, and the ring on your finger—at the very least your future husband was well off. you had a big family and a group of friends who traveled to your destination engagement party. you didn’t seem to have a bad life by any means, but the way you clung to eunseok made him believe there was something in your life you were lacking. it was deeper than the riches and maybe it had something to do with the fact that you were missing from your party for god knows how long and still no one has tried to contact you. eunseok didn’t know if you’d choose love, or whatever you felt for him over the comfortable life you were going to soon lead, and it wasn’t his job to, either. all he knew was that right now you were choosing him, and the sounds falling from your lips were getting louder and more desperate. so he grabbed your hand and guided it to your clit as he started thrusting into your heat at a faster pace.

“you’re close.” eunseok huffed.

your hand didn’t start rubbing revolutions on your clit, instead you used your free hand to run it along eunseok’s toned stomach, holding tight to his tricep as you nodded your head.

“so close.” you sighed.

eunseok looked down to his dick disappearing in your cunt at a faster pace. both of you were shuddering messes, you pulled at eunseok’s body to bring his chest close to yours. he obliged, pressing his sweaty body against yours as his hand tangled in your hair. he held your body in place as his thrusts turned into hard ruts. he felt your own hand pull at his scalp as you started moaning his name against his ear.

“eunseok. kiss me.” you pleaded.

eunseok pulled his head from the crook of your neck to rest his sweaty forehead against yours. he saw the fresh tear tracks wet underneath your eye, you even sniffled before craning your neck up to kiss him. he felt his emotions of his own swell behind his eyes as he closed the difference between your lips. 

it was a messy kiss, your teeth clashed and eunseok could taste the smoke and pina colada on your tongue as you settled deeper into him. eunseok’s hand pulled at your scalp, his arm next to your head keeping you in the perfect spot as he pressed deeper into your lips. the spark was undeniable, heating both of your bodies as the covers uncovered more and more of you both. neither of you could speak, only breaking this kiss when your moans filled the high ceilings of your hotel room. when eunseok had to stop moving his hips you kept going, selfishly flicking your hips upwards to prolong the feeling of extreme closeness—you didn’t know when you’d feel like this again. eunseok lets you be selfish, peppering kisses along your face even when his sensitivity from his orgasm shifted to almost pain. 

when he couldn’t take it anymore he pressed his hand to your hip bone, pushing you into the mattress and ceasing your movements. you huffed in defiance but didn’t fight back, settling for the feeling of his softening dick still inside of you.

after everything, eunseok settled his weight on top of you. even if you felt like you were being crushed, you welcomed it. the comfort of losing your breath to someone being so close to you gave you reprieve from the other suffocating things in your life. you wanted to cling to his shoulders to hold him in place when you felt him slide out of you. 

eunseok rolled to lay beside you in a huff, giving you one last kiss to the side of your cheek. both of your chests raised and lowered, you felt cold as the air conditioning unit cut on again. you felt a lone tear glide down your face and you quickly swiped it away.

“sorry.” you apologized while bringing your hand to your other eye to remove any traces of tears.

you could hear the man beside you shake his head against the sheets, trying to help ease your discomfort.

“it’s okay.” you could hear him turn on his side to face you. “it’s gonna be okay.” he assured.

the way he said it almost made you really believe it.

you turned on your side to face him. you looked deep into his eyes, trying to remember the way he looked at you. you would not see him again after today, your own packed bags lined up neatly in the corner. you didn’t know if you’d get the chance to ever feel something like this, so tender and delicate. when you pulled your hand that was tucked underneath your head to move his hair out of the way he grabbed your wrist gently, kissing the back of your hand. you smiled from the gesture, letting him kiss your hand all over. when he was done he let your hand rest on his cheek, and you stroked his skin, trying to memorize the texture underneath your fingertips. he smiled and closed his eyes for a moment, opening them with a playful glint in his eye.

You were completely silent as you were walked through the police station. Your feet felt like bricks as you dragged them behind you, the thick platform and the exhaustion from the night made them feel heavy.

The police officer trailed close behind you, a hand on your shoulder leading you past holding cells filled and interrogation rooms. You recognized some of the people in the holding cells, someone sitting on the metal ledge, leaned into the corner taking a nap. Two people crammed on a cot leaning against the other. You tried to yell the persons name but the cop continued to usher you forward. 

When you were passing the interrogation rooms you refused to turn your head but saw from the corner of your eye the handcuffed wrists and apathetic faces. You think you recognized them too. You all dressed the same, you were all caught at the same place. All of them looked past you to the cop trailing behind you, spitting out the word pig like a slur. The cop behind you only nodded his head, telling them to tell it to the frogs—whatever the fuck that meant. Cops leaned in close to their faces, yelling something just for them to yell right back. Even through the soundproofed doors the dull sound of a screaming match could be heard, if not evident through the sound of fists reverberating off metal tables.

You could only shake your head. There was an embarrassing lack of tact from the people you considered to be your peers. They didn't know how to navigate a situation were they were between a rock and a hard place because they were too stubborn to admit they were wrong. Everyone was caught doing something illegal, that's a fact. There was a way to get yourself out of the situation with only a slap on the wrist; that was also a fact. There's a certain level of stupidity that comes with believing you are on top of the world. It makes you aggressive, and a smart-ass that leads you to being in a holding cell all weekend. You hid the disappointed shake of your head behind a shiver as the police officer continued to walk you forward.

When you made it to the front desk the officer did all the talking for you. Telling the lady behind the desk your name, telling the woman that you were heading home. A moment later another officer came by, setting a clear baggie of your belongings were set on the counter. The police didn't look at you, instead nodding to the officer who guided you to the desk just to receive an appreciative nod back. You sucked your teeth at the view of your broken compact mirror and pouted at the shards of glass gathering at the bottom of the bag. You knew your wallet was robbed, you could tell it looked thinner than before. You had money to get you home in there and your identification card that would’ve gotten you the liquor you were going to irresponsibly spend your money on. 

You held the clear plastic bag up. The cop continued to chatter with the clerk, sharing pleasantries about their weekend like you weren't looking at the ghost of your possessions. Your sunglasses had a missing lens, you think even your polaroids were jacked, and your phone was only a memory. That Nokia cost you half of your paycheck. You had contacts, addresses, your future parties and plans. Seeing the remnants gather pitifully at the bottom made you frown fully. Regardless, after a beat or two, you folded the bag in half to tuck underneath your arm. You waited for a moment, feeling the presence cop behind you. 

“Thank you,” you said.

You spoke directly to the clerk on the other side of the counter, clicking away on her keyboard. She didn’t look up from her computer, or over the rim of her thick glasses. You watched her low eyes scan over the computer screen over and over again, then you saw her grind her teeth together. The cop behind you responded first, letting out a breathy laugh and grabbing your arm. Everything was such a fucking cliche here. 

“Thank you,” you repeated it louder, adding bass in your voice and volume over the sound of her typing.

She scoffed, and when you got a furrow in your eyebrow you felt another pull at your arm.

“She heard you sweetheart,” the cop said.

The police officer laughed and got you away from the front desk, just in time for another officer to bring someone in handcuffs. He was rough with him, pushing him against the edge of the counter so hard you heard the contact. He was the complete opposite of the officer who handled you, gently guiding you towards the exit. You couldn’t help but look over your shoulder. You watched the cop push the person against the counter, until the side of his face was squished against the top. He fought against the police officers grip, and then he only tightened the hold he had on the mans cuffed wrists.

“Don’t focus on that,” the cop said.

The cop continued walking you towards the exit. You started picking up your feet a little faster too, realizing what you’ve been missing for the past seventeen hours. You heard the crackle of officer codes over the radio but you saw the Sun. You were already blinking preemptively from the future change in light. You were inside these walls with no windows for too long.

“You're so close to freedom,” the cop said lightly.

You looked over your shoulder at the cop and smiled. You turned back quickly, pushing on the worn gold part of the door that forced it open. There was the area between the two double doors, where the cold air conditioning mixed to the harsh hot air of the outdoors. It made you lightheaded for a moment, the dehydration and exhaustion nearly knocking you off kilter. You focused quickly though, shaking away the lightheadedness and continuing to move forward. You pushed on the doors outside a little too harsh like the police officer was liable to change his mind.

But you made it outside, standing at the top of the stairs, the jail behind you. The police officer stayed behind you too, following until you made it to the edge of the top stair. Other people were getting ready for their jobs, ladies dressed like the clerk teetered up and down the stairs in their kitten heels and business casual. Others were officers, all wearing their bulky gear. 

The officer patted your shoulder and you adjusted the plastic bag underneath your arm. The plastic ruffled, fragmenting the incoming light. You looked down to see a shard of your compact mirror reflect the light onto your body. You worked so hard to steal the item, the price made it one of your most expensive possessions. Your other hand acted as a visor. You felt your makeup caked and dry to your face and stick to your hand. Your dry skin was exposed further by the Sun. Your crows feet made foundation come off in clumps. Your eyelashes were heavy, even if you were wearing the least amount of clothes from everyone you’ve seen today you’re still hot. The sweat from last night made your clothes dry uncomfortably on your body. The state you were in made you irritated, your hair felt like a rats nest when you tried smoothing it over with a rushed hand. 

You went from one balanced foot to the other. Like you were waiting to be dismissed, you stayed still. From the top of the stairs you thought saw a dingy red car parallel parked on the corner underneath the shade of the trees. The windows were open, an arm hanging out of the passenger side. You closed one eye completely to try and focus the other. Even if you were sober you could feel the dull throbbing headache forming. Each time you moved you felt it, like someone was squeezing your brain. 

“I’m sure you and your Mom have alot to talk about.” 

You turned away from the parked car to look over your shoulder again. The cop continued to look forward, proud smile on his face. His hands left your arm and went to his waist instead. There was so much pride on his face, he looked towards the Sun, still smiling. When his officer hat provided coverage he continued looking up, until the Sun was shining right in his eyes.

“What’d you say?” you asked.

“Your Mom. She’s waiting for you back home, right?” the cop asked.

“Yeah,” your hand blocking the Sun from your face faltered. You looked to the name on his badge because he was still too proud to look at you, and you went back to trying to share the view with him. “I'm sure she’s waiting for me. Can’t wait to see her,” you said.

The cop bounced on his feet and hummed to himself. He put out a hand towards the stairs in front of you like he was offering you the world.

“Don’t get involved with those criminals anymore,” the officer said.

He stayed at the top of the stairs as you went down the first step. He projected his voice like you were far away. You stopped on the steps to turn around and look at him. He was still smiling proudly but looking at you. When you turned around and started walking again you heard his voice boom behind you.

“You’re a good kid. I don’t want to see you here ever again.” he said earnestly.

You nodded again. You walked down another stair in your platformed shoes, then another before you turned around. The police officer was still looking at you, confused like he was waiting for something. You walked up a step towards him, shuffling on your feet anxiously.

“I was going to call for a taxi,” you stated. You pulled the plastic bag from under your arm to show your unfolded, empty wallet. “I was robbed last night. Someone stole all of my money. I think it was those criminals.”

The cop faltered. For the first time you saw that prideful look crack, it felt like for a second he saw right through you. But then you turned around like a hurt puppy and began walking down the stairs again. You barely made it past one step when you heard the rustling behind you.

“Here kid.”

You turned around to see the police officer reaching in his pocket, pulling out a wallet of his own. It was fancier than yours, thick black leather, filled with cards and a fat with cash. You watched him thumb through the bills while trying to stifle a smile by pressing your lips into a hard thin line.

“Don’t spend it all in one place,” he said, laughing.

You looked at the cash in his hand, a twenty with a ten and a one for good measure. You took away your hand that was a visor to reach for the cash. With squinted eyes and smile you accepted, nodding your head like you were truly thankful.

The cop extended his hand further to fill in the space and you started wondering how far you could extend your luck. You eyed the cash, putting it down before sucking in air and tilting your head to the side.

“My mom lives four towns over," you said. When the officers expression faltered again you quickly looked away. "I ended up pretty far for some reason, I was up in a car and just ended up there.”

The officer sighed, his hand holding his wallet frozen. You waited one second and then saw him open it again, pulling out two more twenties. 

When you reached your hand towards the money, he pulled his hand back slightly.

“I don’t want to see you here again.” You continued reaching towards the money but he pulled back slightly. You were forced to pull away from the bills and look the officer in the face. “I’m serious,” he said.

You waited a moment and nodded your head. When the officer put the money back in your reach you didn’t hesitate, grabbing it fully and combining it with the rest of your cash before stuffing it into your pocket.

You turned back one last time, bringing your hand back to your brow line to block the Sun. When you were facing away from the officer you finally let your smile fall. He said something behind you, only increasing his volume as you continued walking away. He said another thing he wanted you to laugh at but you ignored him completely. You only continued to make your way down the stairs. 

You could still feel the officer staring. He gave up the friendly quips to opt for the cowboy stance, hand on his utility belt and his hip cocked. Adults dressed for their day job continued making their way up past you. You saw another person being handcuffed and escorted inside.

At the end of the stairs, you looked back one last time. The cop waved and you used your visor-hand to wave back, smiling one more time. You pulled your hand down at the same time he did, and you continued to watch him until he walked back into the building. He held the door open for a lady and the officer escorting someone up the stairs.

When you were no longer being watched, you finally let your shoulders sag. You let out an exasperated sigh, ending in a loud groan that finally earned you stares. Women looked you up and down briefly before continuing their way up the stairs. You started standing taller and stared back, even shooting an equally disgusted look back to the adults. Office workers folded easily. They immediately looked towards their building again, focusing on the stairs and making their way up. 

You opened up the plastic bag with a tear, not caring about the glass from your broken compact mirror falling to your feet and on the sidewalk. The shards bounced off of the leather of your shoes, falling to the ground. You grabbed your sunglasses from the torn plastic, putting the sunglasses on your face even with the missing lens. Your wallet fell from the tear, falling to the ground with a dull empty thud. You watched it pitifully open down the middle, cracking open to reveal nothing inside.

"Why the fuck would someone steal a fake ID?" you asked yourself.

You picked it up and was aggressive closing it on the spine. You slipped the useless thing into your back pocket.

You saw the red car still there that was parked on the corner. You squinted, trying to see on the missing lens who was inside. Both of the windows facing you were still open. The arm hanging out the window was gone now, pulled back into the shade of the car.

You started walking with a pep in your step towards the corner of the street. Your platformed shoes weren't nearly as heavy now, and you finally felt that freedom that the officer was telling you about. You saw the car moving up and down in your sight. You made sharp pivots to avoid incoming traffic. The car disappeared further around the corner the closer you got, backed away to avoid the beater from getting swiped on a turn. You grabbed your cracked compact mirror as you walked across the front of the stairs, fixing your appearance little by little in the cracked reflection. There was only one large shard still in tact, just enough to see yourself. The makeup was still caked on your face from the night before, sticking to your skin. Fixing your makeup became you smudging off bits with spit on your ring finger and rubbing away the overlapping on your lipstick. 

You basked in the shade the side of the building brought you. You didn’t have to squint your eyes behind your singular shade to try and find the car you were looking for. The car was still terribly parked from where it first came into your view. Your gait changed from moments earlier, you made the sharp corner to face the red car. When you faced the car the hand appeared from the passenger side, waving at you before pulling at the handle. If seeing familiar faces through the front windshield wasn't a big enough indicator the broken car doors were. When you you saw the back seat do the same thing you heard the commotion.

“Gotta be faster than that!” someone inside the car yelled.

You put your hand up in defense, trying to quiet the laughs. People turned the corner looking at the car and you from the loud noise.

“Heard you ate shit trying to run,” someone else said.

As you got closer you scanned the street one last time, shaking your head at the teasing. As you got closer you saw how terribly parked the vehicle was, doubling the amount of space needed and partially occupying the front of a fire hydrant. Cars honked as they tried to maneuver past, but no one inside had a care in the world. Instead everyone inside further settled in, like they had all the time and space in the to continue talking to you. You heard the manual parking, then watched the backdoor open. Sohee was the first one to lean out. The two seater wasn’t meant for three let alone four, he was cramped between the two front seats. 

Still, like this was your loyal chariot home they hooted and hollered, making all the noise they could as you leaned against the side of the car on the passenger side. You looked through the open door to Giselle in the passenger side and Anton in the driver side.

“Your holding cell cherry has been popped!” Anton leaned over to speak out of Giselle’s side of the car. “Was it as cold and scary as it seems?” he asked.

Sohee leans out of his side to bite his nails like he's scared. Anton doesn’t even know what the inside of the county building looks like. His father would've bailed him out before the cop car door could even close. He was also only a part-time runaway, filling in the gaps of his boring affluent life by hanging out with the degenerates.

“You’re a real fucking delinquent now,” Giselle said.

She was still seated, legs propped up so her bare feet could rest on the dashboard. She was nonchalant, moving her sunglasses up until it caught on her overgrown bangs. As her forehead became exposed you saw the faded black dye on her hairline.

She looked you up and down, blinking from the sunlight. She started from your scuffed shoes, torn leggings and shorts, and your dirty shirt. She stopped at your face, laughing at your makeup and hair and fucked up sunglasses.

"I mean, at the very least look like one,” she said.

You laughed with her and pushed on her shoulder playfully. You motioned to yourself up and down, before putting your hands on your hips.

“Once I get all washed up I will look like a good kid again,” you said factually.

“Keep telling yourself that,” Sohee said.

He fully got out of his car to stretch his legs and his back. You thought about reaching forward to pull at his newly pierced eyebrows or pulling at the terribly bleached strands of his hair. Instead you just playfully nudged his body.

“You haven’t looked like a good kid since I first met you,” you replied.

You took all the teasing in with a big grin. Despite the terrible circumstances, you still felt as though you had earned your stripes to some degree. Like you had pulled off a big heist you let the praises of your comrades wash over you. 

“Stupid fucking cop thought he was my dad or something,” you said under your breath.

You weren't truly annoyed but you faked the tone just to hear more of their praises. Sohee was the most impressed, then it was Giselle leaning over Anton to honk the horn of the car in. quick succession. You held out your cash.

“Gave me money for gas though,” you said, spreading the cash to reveal everything except one of the twentys.

Anton, Sohee, and Giselle all laugh with you. You take off your sunglasses to hang them on the overstretched collar of your shirt. You lean down to look through the passenger side of the car.

You knew he wouldn’t be here. Still, seeing the proof of Anton and Giselle in the front seat and only Sohee squished in the backseat makes that uneasy feeling creep in your stomach. 

With your hands resting on top of the car you drum a beat. You look towards the bright Sun with no sunglasses, trying to not let your next words come out desperate. There’s complete silence in the car now, just the sound of you tapping against metal and the rustling sound of wind through the trees. Giselle looks nervously up at you and Anton starts looking forward towards the road, tapping on the steering wheel. You grind your jaw and move to a different foot. Sohee squints and puts his hands on his hips, looking at you like he already knows what's coming next.

“Where’s Seok?” you ask.

You were still looking towards the Sun, but you could feel the atmosphere change regardless. Everyone was suddenly avoiding your gaze, Sohee looked to the side at the crosswalk and Giselle looked back at Anton for a brief glance while he continued to stare forward vacantly.

Giselle took her feet from the dash and Sohee leaned against the car. She looked to him next, still avoiding you. You looked to Sohee and he was looking at Giselle. You bent down to look at Anton, still drumming a beat on the wheel.

The silence continued to stretch. Sohee's feet moved against pavement, the car slightly gave to the weight of you leaning against it. You looked down at the passenger seat and Giselle finally looked up at you. She squinted your eyes to try and alleviate the brightness of the Sun. Her hands acting as a visor partially hid her away from you.

“He really wanted to come get you," she said carefully, "but there’s a show tonight.” 

Your hands went from the car to your hips. You immediately scoffed just to see them all squirm. The pride turned back to disdain and irritation. Your shirt felt disgusting against your body, feeling almost stiff from the dried sweat and alcohol from last night.

“Where is he, though?” you asked again.

More silence. You sighed again extra loud to get them thinking again.

“Practicing?” Anton said it in his an unsure voice.

“Bullshit,” you said immediately.

Giselle turned towards Anton quick and kept her eyes on him, focused hard. Anton looked away from you both, looking forward at incoming traffic. Your gaze flitted between the look Giselle gave Anton that he was desperately avoiding. You looked at Sohee next, just to see he was fully checked out of the conversation. He was leaned against the car with his hands stuffed into the tight pockets of his jeans, one leg propped up against the dented car door. When they continued to say nothing you motioned towards yourself, showing them how much you've endured in the past seventeen hours.

“I just got out of the slammer and you guys are going to lie to me?” you asked.

There's a silence between all four of you again. You slightly wish you were inside the courthouse again. You were in your element, working that cop and enjoying a holding cell of your own because you were the only woman detained. Out here you were treated like a child, like you didn't know what the silence between you all meant. Even with you heavily sighing Sohee only flexed his jaw, Anton rearranged his grip on the steering wheel, and Giselle crossed her arms. The only change was that Anton scratched his neck, stretching it slightly to reveal the sweat from the heat. You take a twenty from the cash in your hand and fold it. You go inside the car and reach across Giselle to Anton. Like money matters to him and like the tank isn't already full you offer it to him.

“He’s at a party right?” Anton asks while taking the cash from your hand.

“Of course he is,” Giselle answers.

Giselle clambers over the center console into the backseat. Sohee gets back into the car and closes the door behind him. You get in the passenger seat and close the door heavily, letting out your anger before leaning back comfortably in the seat, forcing Sohee to be even more squished.

“Take me to him,” you said.

Anton said nothing, only turning the key until the cold start made the car come to life.

Ironically, if anyone was to ask Eunseok who was the main instigator in your relationship he would’ve said without hesitation that it was you. He would’ve set the scene perfectly, even seeming conflicted as he spouted lie after lie. He was so earnest, moving his entire body with the story to convince anyone who asked that you were the rotten one. Even if he was in a band called Dove Killers he would never hurt a fly. Even if the band screamed about violence and drugs he never touched a substance. Even if he ogled women he would’ve remained steadfast in the implication that he was very much innocent, just misunderstood. 

He called himself a child of circumstance. He was exposed to rock music before his impressionable young mind could consume it in moderation. Because it wasn’t like anything he had ever heard before he was intrigued, and the fact that his parents showed disdain and never gave him attention otherwise it made him want to dive in even more.

By the time Eunseok was a legal adult he was fully submerged in the culture and his parents had another kid because they deemed him a lost cause. Shortly after his brother could walk Eunseok was kicked out of his house to learn responsibility. Instead of getting a job he moved in with his grandparents who were too old and unknowing to keep up with their grandson and what he was doing. So he was a product of uninvolved parents and unsupervised access when left to his own devices. Nothing was his fault. He praised his shortcomings because it was evidence that he was still here, that he survived childhood. He convinced himself that indifference was abuse and food left for him in the microwave after he was out all night was starvation.

Despite him selling the story and believing it, he had a reputation. A compulsive liar, a narcissist, an amazing drum player, a good fuck, and nice body. He had a reputation so he had to keep it to the new girls entering the scene or people beneath him who wouldn't stop him from speaking his truth.

Because he had a preference for new people, he kept an eye on those entering the scene. While his muscle memory focused on the songs he's played a million times before, his eyes scanned the crowd. At parties he was gravitating around, looking for a new face or someone sticking out like they didn't belong. When he first saw you, you were pressed shoulder to shoulder with strangers surrounding you. Anyone could’ve seen from one single look that you didn’t belong here, that you weren’t used to having your hair teased till it was double in size and the leather jacket and torn leggings were gifted to you by a friend; one that probably lost you in the crowd of moshers the moment the music started. Behind his drum set, Eunseok secretly found joy in seeing you alone and vulnerable. You were the first thing that caught his eye when he came to the tiny stage in the garage. Like a dove he could see you didn't fit in with the rest. Those wings were restricted to your sides as you were forced to sway and move with the rest of the crowd.

Wonbin didn’t ask if the band was ready before he started screaming into the microphone. The instruments started a beat behind, and Eunseok joined three beats after the fact when he finally caught your eye. The beginning was crude, no one was completely together in the start but it didn’t matter because this was a underground hardcore rock show in an abandoned garage. He was heartbroken when he lost you in the crowd, swallowed up by people who wanted to break shit and scream and have a good time. He went back to his drum set when he lost sight of you, instead scanning the crowd to see people screaming the lyrics he wrote back to him. He lost you in the sea of people, but he knew he would find you again. He was drawn to it, he could always find it. He considered it one of his many superpowers.

When he found you again he kept his eye on you the entire show. Each time you tried to push around to give yourself some space, everyone came in even closer. When he saw Giselle and you trying to reach for her he knew she never told you that being in a crowd like this would feel like being trapped in quicksand. The more you thrashed the deeper you seemed to sink.

Before the band came out it was already cramped, shoulder to shoulder in the thick air caused by smoke and body heat. There was no air circulation, sweat lined everyones back and caused your friends leather jacket to stick close to your body. Eunseok watched you struggle to raise your hand to wipe the sweat away. He saw it wet your hair and get down to your eyes, and you blinked away the salt while still trying to gain your footing. Eunseok watched your sweaty face grimace and try to move. He got excited and cut ahead of the rest of the band, getting sharp stares from everyone else.

In the tiny garage, or whatever room you were in it felt like the ceiling was getting closer and closer to the ground. If you had the ability to raise your hands past your shoulders you were sure you’d be able to touch the ceiling fan that hung above the cluster of people you were seemingly stuck to. You didn’t try looking for the reason you were in this mess. All you were focused on was trying to find proper footing before the band started playing. Right as your platform shoes stood upright, the lead singer started screaming and the tension of the room would snap and the temperature would raise. Right before you were pulled deeper into the crowd you made eye contact with the one behind the drums. You were in the passenger seat, thinking about the way he smiled at you wickedly. That should’ve been seen as a warning, or at the very least foreshadowing your future relationship.

You would’ve never thought that a single look would’ve set Eunseok’s sights on you so quickly. Attention was too new to you. You were convinced that he would've forgotten your face, but even though you disappeared into the crowd he didn’t forget you. He was able to find you quickly after the show was over. You were sitting on the curb, completely stagnant as the other people who went to the show walked past you. Even after the stragglers left you were still there, impatiently kicking rocks with your head in your hands. You must've seen too lost to him, that you were waiting for too long. You still partially blamed Giselle for letting herself get chatted up for so long. She loved a man who was in a band, leaning against your ride home while reaching a arm to grab at him.

Nothing past seeing you was his fault. Despite the evil smile that spread across his face and the feeling of bliss spread across his chest. He could never be the instigator, you were just sitting there waiting for him. He was a child of circumstance but you were a creature of habit. Innocent and looking up at him from your seat on the curb when he stepped in front of you. He knew you weren't used to it because you looked around like he was there for someone else. None of it was his fault. Joining a rock band as a preteen stunted his maturity while porn and television rotted his brain. He was a child that was left behind, but it was okay because he entertained other children who were also left behind. He could also influence others to be left behind, another one of his talents.

While Giselle chatted up his bandmate you were sitting alone, head in your hands as you looked at the other abandoned houses on the block. He wondered if your parents were waiting for you to get home. You were probably panicking because you smelled like cigarettes and weed, you were probably hungry and annoyed that Giselle was more focused on fucking someone in a band than getting you home. You knew you felt out of your own skin, wanting to shower and get back to feeling like yourself. He could see it in your face when you looked up at him, eyes bleary from exhaustion and irritation.

As Giselle and Sohee sat in the back and Anton drove you closer to where your terrible boyfriend was cheating on you, you were tempted to let everyone in the car know that this was all Eunseok’s fault. Everyone in the car seemed to believe it because no one said a word, only keeping to themselves. The only sounds made was the occasional commentary on whatever song was playing.

You didn’t know whose house Anton pulled up to, but you’re sure you’ve been here before. Houses get mixed up when there's something happening each night. This could very well be the same party that was busted last night. You think the front yard looks the same, or it's just the same people loitering in the front. You think being in the clothes and still feeling the same you did at last nights party makes it feel the same too. Like last night has been extended to a full twenty-four hours. It was already dark again too. You moved like you have been here before, opening the car door from the outside before it could even come to a full stop. Anton may have called to you, or maybe it was Giselle, but you were going through the throngs of people in the front yard without looking back.

You walked into the house like you were on a mission. The setting may have changed but the situation was the same. Some people were trying to talk to you about last night. You heard someone saying they’ve never seen someone try to run so fast from the cops. You didn’t even look over your shoulder as you headed right towards the sliding glass doors that would lead you to the gated backyard.

You weighed your non-existent options first. If you had any money to spare you could’ve ordered a taxi to your home that you hadn't been to in weeks. You even thought about that cop that thought he was your father and if he could take you home. 

Then you weighed the more reasonable options. Eunseok was always an eye for an eye type of person. You were sure you could find Sungchan and go somewhere with him. He was pretty enough to piss Eunseok off and was easy to make a move on. He was the another infamous part-time runaway of the scene, coming from a happy family like yours. You think he worked at a designer brand store in the next town over. The disdain between Eunseok and Sungchan was traced back to Eunseok luring him into the scene. He wanted worship under the false promise of freedom and free expression separate from his mundane everyday life. Sungchan was powerful enough—and had parents that cared enough—to see Eunseok for what he was and to break away from the clutches you still found yourself under. Because even if you thought about making a move on Anton, you were still thinking about Eunseok. The music inside so loud but you swore you could still hear him telling that girl outside the same stories he told you. 

Eunseok was easy to find because he wanted to be caught. Instead of the privacy of a room he enjoyed big open spaces. Being a terrible whatever he was to you added to that rockstar persona. He was crouching to be eye-level with a girl in a lawn chair, hanging off of his every word.

He leaned close to her, brushing the hair out of her face the same way he always did with you. You were standing in his disgusting band tee that you designed, looking at the scene he laid out for you. His life was a movie, you were the love interest, he was the lead, you were an extra, he was the heartthrob. Everyone else in the backyard was going on with their normal party because this was the normal program.

They were the additional background actors because the scene knew of Eunseok’s predisposition to cheat. They knew he flirted with anything that moved especially when he was with someone already. The girl had to have known it too, but she didn’t look familiar. You kept watching, feeling something change from heartbreak to comfortable rage that bubbled in your chest. You bit your lip, pressing your teeth against the skin until you could feel the pain. You felt yourself remembering your lines, and as if on cue Eunseok got closer to the girl, whispering something in her ear that had her tilting her head back to laugh. 

Music started playing in the house behind you, loud and booming it made the windows shake. Someone pushed past you to go back inside. Everything was inciting you to violence, and the nerve on Eunseok’s face to look shocked at you standing by the sliding glass door made you ready to run across the backyard right to him. You heard someone screaming and then terrible drums and everyone from the backyard started flooding into the house to hear the music. You ground your teeth together so hard you thought your molars would crack and you filed in behind everyone else.

You knew he knew you wouldn’t be very far away. After the girl left him in the backyard to listen to the shitty music inside he was only standing outside to let everything fester. He did stay out there longer than you thought he would. As you pushed past people you remembered the times you went outside after he upset you. If he could spare the brain power to think about someone other than himself he was probably hoping that Sohee, Giselle, and Anton were going to miss the time for pickup. If he could even remember the correct time. You turned around and watched him come through the sliding glass door. Watching his "friends" scowl at him did make you happy. You lagged behind so that he could see you through the crowd.

You walked beside the staircase, dragging your hand along the wall until you felt the wooden banisters. You saw Eunseok grab a drink and ignore the scowls as he walked in your steps.

He came up to you when you ended up on one of the stairs, throwing back the mixed drink Giselle gave you before disappearing into the crowd. When he appeared in front of you, you threw your red solo cup at him. A few drops of the drink ended up on his black leather jacket, sliding down slowly as the cup hit the stair he put one of his feet on. The empty cup bounced unceremoniously on the step before rolling down the incline. You couldn't hear the way it pitifully hit the ground, or the sound of it getting crushed by people walking by.

Eunseok pretended to be hurt by the gesture for your benefit. He put his hand over his chest where the droplets landed and furrowed his eyebrows. He crouched down in front of you, giving just enough room for the people traveling up and down the staircase to get by.

“I’m sorry,” Eunseok said.

When he first met you, you folded quicker. One half-assed sorry used to have your big eyes welling with tears. You used to be curled up in his arms for the rest of the function, and walking around the place to claim an empty room without him having to say another word.

“Bullshit,” was what you said now. “give me a fucking break, Eunseok.” 

You seethed it actually, and Eunseok could tell that you meant it. You bared your teeth like a wild animal and Eunseok had to look down to hide his smile. He looked back up only to see you curl your lips to enunciate each syllable. You were always the more articulate one—which is why you wrote most of the lyrics for Dove Killers—the drink just made you more mouthy.

“I didn’t know she’d be here.” Eunseok continued.

More people traveled up the stairs. They casted a downward glance at your conversation, the silent standoff between your angry face and Eunseok’s neutral one. You were always the one to get too wound up, he didn’t know why him being calm only made you more mad. He had to stop himself from smiling at how this must’ve looked. Just another night of him consoling his angry girlfriend. 

He should bring up that he knows you must still be high-strung from your run in with the police. But then you might go into a tirade about how he kept running last night even after you fell. But Eunseok couldn’t change the fact that he had priors, and he told you before that your platform shoes made you a sloppy runner. You apparently still looked harmless enough to get yourself out of spending the weekend in jail. But what an unfortunate situation he found himself in. You were ruining his buzz, in fact he could be so drunk he won’t even remember talking to his ex girlfriend tomorrow morning. Or maybe you were drunk enough to not remember this by morning. Angles and the darkness of the outdoor patio made you see things. You were jealous and it made you make things up, that’s all.

“You were going to leave me in that holding cell?” you asked.

He looked down at your crouched body to see you were still wearing the outfit from the show last night. Your makeup smudging around your eyes only made you fit in more, your ripped tights from running from police brought everything together.

“If no one got me I would’ve been stuck there all weekend,” you said.

Eunseok pouted when he saw a little bit of the fire leave your eyes, replaced with something more downcast.

Eunseok nods, because he’s had his fair share of weekend stays at the local precinct. He felt bad energy from that place a mile away, he had to stay away for his own good. But you’ve lost some of your fight already, instead of holding eye contact you let your forehead rest on your knees. Your arms wrap around your bent legs and you clasp them in front. You’re harmless, even with all that venom in your voice. You just want him to apologize and to tell you that you went through terrible things during your temporary stay at the county jail.

“I sent Anton and your friends for you.” Eunseok still crouches in front of you and reaches a hand to clasp over your shoulder. Part of the sleeve is torn, making it come down your shoulder partially. Your skin is caked with sweat, but you’re still so soft. “Did they come and get you at the station like I asked?” he asked.

When Eunseok touches your bare skin you shrug him off aggressively. He sees you come up from your knees, your face angry and pulled into a tight scowl.

“They came on their own accord!” you exclaim.

Eunseok has to bite his lip because you're just too cute. He fakes a confused expression to try and cut through your thought process. He squeezes your leg and shakes it slightly, trying to derail you.

But you're steadfast, pointing an accusatory finger right in his face.

“You told them you were playing a show, but you’re just at this party cheating on me!” you yell.

“I was pretending she was you the whole time,” he says with a smile. 

(Eunseok thought that would've made you laugh. If you weren’t so in your head you would’ve realized that was a callback to when you two first started getting serious. Unfortunately when you started involving yourself with the scene, girls who wanted Eunseok for themselves began spreading false cheating accusations about him. After another concert in a stuffy basement Eunseok had you outside and pushed against his car, inches away from kissing your face. When you were still so innocent it made his own heart race. When you put a hand on his shoulder to stop him from closing the distance, looking from his lips then to his half-lidded eyes.

“Aren’t you cheating on your girlfriend right now?” you asked.

You messed with the bottom of his sleeve, thumbing the fabric while your other hand held his bicep. 

He wasn’t cheating, although he had been going steady with Sullyoon for the better half of a year, they were never official. Yes she was waiting on him after every show, but she had been focusing too much on school lately and she wasn’t listening to him as much as she used to. 

But for the sake of letting you feel like a rebel he leaned in closer to you, going to your neck and bringing you closer to him by his hands around your waist.

“Technically, I’m cheating on you with her,” he reasoned. He whispered into your ear. “when I see her all I can think of is you.”

You found it funny enough. You pulled away and tried to hide your smile, because you were still innocent at the time and didn’t condone cheating even when it benefited you.

“So we’ve been dating in your head this whole time?” 

He only had to look past you for a moment while he calculated the time he first saw you in his head. He nodded and looked back down to your lips.

“Happy two month anniversary baby.”)

Back then you found it hilarious. That night was what led to many other nights of you two cramped in the backseat of his grandparents shitty car and what led to you two being the new couple in the scene. If you still knew how to take a joke you would’ve laughed. But now your eyes got big and indignant, before leaning forward. You got so close Eunseok had to move backwards to keep your noses from touching.

“You’re a fucking wannabe,” You shouted right in his face over the sound of the band performing. “you think dressing like a reject Sid Vicious and cheating on girls makes you a fucking rockstar?” Eunseok is still crouching on the ground as you stand up. You look down at him, fists balled up at your sides. “All you are is a fucking loser,” you seethed.

The last words were drowned out by the music. The band stopped playing and everyone cheered, except for you and Eunseok completely still.

He was silent. You felt adrenaline coursing through your body. Your hands shook from standing your ground and finally putting your feet down.

Eunseok stood up, even from his spot on the steps below you he was taller than you. He was no longer looking at you playfully. He was serious and his expression didn't change. You tried fortifying yourself, despite feeling like a child throwing a tantrum with your hands balled up at your sides.

He reached forward quick and wrapped his hand around your wrist. You tried to shake him off once but when he didn’t budge you stayed there. He tightened his grip and the next song started up, rattling the floor you stood on. After the singer started yelling Eunseok pushed past the people listening against the banister and continued walking up the stairs. You followed him, but when you stayed in the same place he pulled your wrist, dragging you up the stairs with him.

Eunseok could hear your stomps behind him. He had to pull you to get you to follow, and he ignored whatever you were saying as he went down the landing towards the rooms on the second floor. People passed by you two to head towards the ground floor, and Eunsoek heard you moving across the soiled carpet. This gathering being in his ex’s house had its perks. He knew the room at the very end was hers, it was locked but she always kept a key on the lip at the top of the doorframe. 

Eunseok kept a firm grip on your wrist as he felt for the key. When he looked at you he watched you pull at his hand weakly. All of it was just for show. You seemed to be waiting for something great as you watched him feel around for the key, and when he grabbed it and you watched him unlock the door you stopped pulling all together. He didn’t even have to pull you inside when he pushed the door open, you barely even dragged your feet before he closed the door before you. 

“I’m not a poser,” he said sternly.

He didn’t have a terrible relationship with his parents for no reason. He didn’t lose a majority of the hearing in his left ear to be labeled as a cheap copy of Sid Vicious.

He knew you didn’t mean it. You attempted to pull your hand out of his grasp but you failed, standing there waiting for something to happen. Eunseok only felt your fight when you reached up to grab his tie. He wore it around improperly but you pulled on it regardless. The force made him instantly bend him neck. He tightened the grip he had on your wrist. You wrapped the tie around your hand, adding strength behind it. Neither of you refused to let go.

Eunseok got the keys and opened the door with you still pulling on his tie. He pushed you against the door and locked it only when your body was pressed between him and the wood. You weren’t submissive, you didn’t sink to your knees or close your eyes in anticipation of what he was going to do next. Instead you only rolled your fist again so the fabric wrapped around your knuckles. Eunseoks head dipped from your grip, and you could hear your stockings rip even further when he pushed his slender fingers between the tear.

When you let go of his tie to smack his hand away, Eunseok gathered both your wrists. He turned you away from the door so you couldn't see what was going on behind you. He took advantage of your lack of depth, pushing you backwards. He watched you stumble and exert all your effort into staying upright. You didn't even pull against his grip on your wrists as you staggered further and further back. His ex still kept that disgusting seat she thrifted in the middle of her room. He kept pushing you back until you ended up bumping into the side and sitting on the armrest. He smiled when you almost slipped off the rounded edge. The seat was old and disgusting, Eunseok could see the fraying vinyl rub off on your tights.

Eunseok found this spot too quick. You start thinking about Eunseok having countless girls on this same armrest, looking up to him waiting on what to do next. You almost can’t see him in the dark, just the bottom of his chin and your tie-wrapped fist gathered in his hand.

He pushes on your shoulder. You would’ve pushed back but the rounded edge of the armrest makes you lose your balance quick. His tie is the only thing helping you keep balance, the further down you go the more you pull at it. Eunseok follows you down, pushing you further and further until you’re awkwardly laving on the seat. 

The space on the chair is too small for you. Your head is leaned against the headrest, Eunseok puts his hand on your shoulder to just push you further. You and him were embarking on your third game of chicken for the night: when you let go of Eunseoks tie to stabilize yourself by holding the cushion you lose. You let yourself continue to be pushed further and further down, until your legs are draped over the other side of the chair and you’re on your back.

You already feel the strain in your body from the unnatural position. With one final push on your knee you’re completely down, forming alongside the recliner as you try to find dignity in this position. Eunseok strips that from you further by smiling down at your current state. Anytime you try to pull yourself up on the chair he pushes you right back down. 

“Stop fucking pushing me!” you yell.

You get up again and Eunseok pushes you down and starts laughing. He goes from the side of you to the end of the chair that your legs hung over. The armrest is in the bend of your leg, and you feel Eunseok staring. Your long shirt rode up, and the way your legs are propped on the armrest make your thighs squish together. He inspects the scratches and bruises that litter your leg. Partially from the crowd killers at his shows and some of it from last night. The one at the apex of your thigh is from Eunseok, probably from a night just like this one.

“You’re all beaten up.” Eunseok whispers it then fake pouts, his slender fingers running over your tattered knee. Dirt is caked on the injury you suffered from falling during last nights chase. “you bruise like a peach.”

“I fell running from the cops remember?” Eunseok doesn’t answer your question as his fingers go underneath the tear in your tights. You remember looking up from the ground to see Eunseok continue to run. He disappeared after clearing a fence with a leap. You heard his sneakers on dirt as he kept going. One cop continued to chase after him while the other picked you up from the ground to put handcuffs on you. “I don’t even think you looked back,” you say.

Eunseok’s hand fully clasps over your knee. You think you hear your tights rip from Eunseok reaching his whole hand through a small hole.

“I have priors,” he interrupts you before you can tell him he’s going to have to pay for a new pair of fishnets. They’ve been ruined since last night anyways. “I knew they’d let you go anyways.”

“How do you know that?” you ask.

“Because you just look so innocent.” he answers. "Like you just ended up here."

Eunseok’s other hand pushes your shirt further up, revealing the band of your tights you pulled up past your shorts. It cuts into your soft stomach, your flesh peaking out over where the tight material has been digging into your skin for over twenty-four hours. He unzips your tight black shorts. The button was already undone and they were cut so short your white pockets were revealed. When the zipper was all the way down he saw your underwear, black boy shorts with red cherries all over. When you try to cover up he doesn't hesitate to push it away.

“I bet some old cop acted like he was your father,” his slender fingers lock underneath the black band of your tights. He sees his fingers through the slightly sheer material. He keeps pushing down until he's underneath the waistband of your panties. “I bet he was telling you that your parents were worried sick.” 

Your hands are clasped together over your chest as Eunseok starts pulling your fishnets down. He’s slow, and the way you’re cramped on the seat makes it hard for you to catch your breath. Everything makes your heart hammer in your chest as he slowly continues pulling down.

“I’m positive he even gave you money to get home,” he adds 

“I played him,” you say quietly.

Eunseok laughs again. Your tights and shorts all come down with his hands. When your bare knees become exposed he kisses each one tenderly. When you look away Eunseok continues pulling them down.

“He told you the truth,” Eunseok says when your fishnets get to your mid-calf. “I think you might be projecting when you call me a poser.”

“I’m not pretending to be something I’m not,” you say.

Eunseok scoffs and your fishnets are all the way off. He stands a little taller, letting them fall onto the floor with a dull thud. The music is still playing downstairs, rising up through the floorboards. Your shirt is still embarrassingly high, caught right below your chest. Your stomach is revealed, and a fresh wave of embarrassment seemingly washes over you when you realize how vulnerable you must look. 

He eats it up. His hands are running over your bare legs now, going all the way up to where the trim of your panties begin all the way down to your blistered feet. You’re silent, letting Eunseok run heavier hands over you. The longer your last words ruminate in the air, the more artificial it seems.

“I’m not pretending to be something I’m not,” you repeat. 

Eunseok nods his head as his hands go to your waist. You suck in an uneven breath when you think he's about to put his hands underneath the waistband of your panties. Instead, he jerks the bottom half of your body towards him, until your lower back is propped against the armrest. You’re in a makeshift shoulder stand, except one hand is gripping the back of the chair for stability and the other one dangles over the edge of the chair. Your legs are bent pathetically, bending over Eunseok's arm with the only stability they have. 

This position is pathetic, everything about this is pathetic. Eunseok is looking down at your panties, where your legs opened pathetically to put yourself on display for him. You can’t even find the strength to push your legs together.

“This is what you are,” he says simply. 

You whimper back. Instead of pulling away you instead try to find a position where you can actually bring in air without trouble.

“Not so tough now, huh?” he asks.

You try pulling your shirt down but Eunseok puts your hand back to your chest to stop you from covering yourself up. You bite your lip, before you can even speak Eunseok’s hand goes to your panties. You look at his slender fingers between your legs, applying pressure to random parts of the cotton. Eunseok crouches beside the seat, right next to your bent midsection as he continues touching your panties.

There’s something wrong with Eunseok. You think he’s watched so much porn it’s made him a sadist and it’s warped his perception of women. You believe he thinks women like to be tortured and teased and mocked and belittled until they’re a puddle of tears. He’s convinced himself that you like it, or he’s so selfish he doesn’t care either way. 

“Going to prison changed you, baby.” Eunseok pressed his fingers right above your clit over your panties, smiling when he sees you squirm. “you used to laugh at all of my jokes.”

Eunseok finally moves his fingers down, nestling between your folds. He prods your hole, adding just enough force that you feel the intrusion of cotton and his index finger. Instantly your body loosens in the seat, your hands stretch to touch the floor by Eunseok’s knees.

Eunseok is a victim of circumstance. He absolves himself of guilt while claiming to be the captain of his ship and master of the universe. He has watched so much porn that he’s convinced women like to be teased until it becomes torture. He doesn’t have to do much because you’re seemingly made for him. You’ve been broken in, no matter how cruel or disgusting it seems. You were better than this at some point, you think. 

Eunseok keeps playing with your hole, changing the pressure and the amount of fingers he uses. You’re trying to bring your legs together to keep him away. Eunseok starts poking and prodding your leg with your other hand, chuckling lightly when you whine and try pulling your leg away.

Eunseok keeps poking and prodding, pulling and snapping at your panties as they smack against your skin. He pulls your panties off by grabbing the fabric formed to your leg. He pulls at them until they’re fully off. He drapes the underwear over the armrest, making you see your soiled underwear. Your core is exposed, and Eunseok is looking at you while he gets closer and closer to it. The angle you are at on the chair makes it impossible to avoid him. Still, your hand is pitifully stretched towards him while his face gets closer and closer to your cunt. He’s taunting you with the gesture, a smile on his face before he presses a kiss to the inside of your thigh. Then another, and one more after that. 

Eunseok kisses your clit over your panties and your entire body twitches. Eunseok kisses it again, and then he’s balling up the underwear he just took off of you. Before you can protest Eunseok ducks down to your pussy and licks. He wasn’t trying to make it feel good for you, he just wanted you to cover your face and try to squirm away.

When he pulled away he looked down at you, smile on his face as he looked at your embarrassed expression. He smacks his lips loudly for effect, making you look away in shame.

“You taste like prison,” he says.

He gets another mortified whimper from you, all you get is a chuckle in response. 

Eunseok goes back to your pussy and starts kissing it. He’s nicer with her than he is with you, licking gently and adding kisses in between. He lets your body relax in the awkward position, letting you slink down until it’s just your ass resting on the armrest. 

Eunseok adds a finger while his tongue flicks your clit. He just starts off with one finger, you can feel your walls clamping around it. Your pussy is too tight, practically useless without the prep. You know you need it too because you're putting your thighs over his shoulder, and when he keeps driving his finger inside of you, they close around his head. Eunseok puts his other hand on your thigh, pressing against your soft skin to keep them apart. 

He fondles and touches the sensitive skin, making you move more and more. It isn’t until Eunseok smacks your inner-thigh that you only twitch and whimper.

“Stay still,” his words are muffled as he goes deeper into your cunt. “you always move too damn much.”

“It's alot right now," you whimper.

You’re not angry or assertive like you were just a few minutes before. You’re whimpering with one fist balled up and resting on your stomach. The other is open and over your chest. Neither of them try to push him away.

"I can’t take it,” you say.

“Yes you can,” Eunseok says immediately and adds another finger.

Your back arches and the hand on your stomach rests against his forehead. You push lightly against him, but then when he doesn’t budge you go to the back of his head and wrap your fingers in his short black hair. This is also just for show, pretending like you are in charge and making him continue to eat you out. He could stop anytime he wants. He could make you cry right now if he wanted to. The thought makes Eunseok laugh at you again, but you can’t bring yourself to stand up for yourself. Instead you are pathetically grinding your pussy into his face and moaning loud when he puts in another finger.

“Eunseok.” 

He hums in response. He says nothing else but takes his fingers out. Instantly you react, back arching and you finally let your hand clasp over your chest in a search for stimulation.

"Put your fingers back in," you whimper. "please."

You ask nicely under zero pressure. He makes you cry without even trying. Eunseok takes pride in ignoring you. He instead uses both hands to spread you apart, until he can see your hole is pulsing and closing around nothing. He’s still, despite you squirming from embarrassment he feels admiration pulse throughout his body. He should get you to write a song about this. 

“I'm close,” you say.

Eunseok hums again. He sees you pulse around nothing in faster succession, trying to keep something in that's not even there.

"You want it?" he asks.

Even if it's loud enough for you to hear he's only looking at her. Beautiful and begging for him, crying as another wave of slick accumulates.

"Yes please," you answer.

He dives his tongue right back into your pulsing hole. You're immediately making terrible sounds. He knows you can feel his wet hot tongue pushing against your walls because he can feel them pushing back. It's almost like he's kissing your lips, like your lips are sucking him him in and the slick is your spit. You were sloppy everywhere, gushing and getting overexcited from barely anything. His fingers go to your clit, doing tight circles over and over again.

You can’t even verbalize when you finally cum. You’re just fully sinking into the seat and your legs stiffen before they fully relax on his shoulders. All you do is babble, pushing and pulling on his hair and closing your legs around his head. He retreats and you’re only broken sobs. His hands are rubbing up and down your legs to prolong the stimulation, just to make you squirm.

When Eunseok is done, he lets go of your legs. They flop over the armrest. Between your legs he comes up, until he's above your body. A new layer of sweat covers your skin, you're so fucked out your gaze is only half-lidded and bleary. He bends down to you, coming close that your desperate exhales fan his face. He leans to your lips, rubbing his wet lips against yours, using your own slick like gloss. You’re still out of it, letting Eunseok do whatever.

“Kiss me back, baby,” he murmurs against your lips.

You oblige, pressing your wet lips to his. He smiles against your chaste kisses. His hands leave your knees that kept your legs spread to go to his pants. He unbuttons his tight jeans, dragging down the metal zipper so you can hear it.

"You still want it?" he asks between your kisses.

You nod, adding a kiss to the top of his lip.

Eunseok pushes his pants down just enough to take out his dick. He couldn't stop himself from jerking off at the sight of you pliant and fucked out. Precum was already slipping through his fingers, coming out from his red tip. He hadn't fucked anyone since you were bent over for him two days ago. It's been too long, he throbs in his hand as he readjusts your lower body. You try to help, but you're no help. Eunseok just keeps a hand on your waist to keep you there, and he shuffles forward until his thighs are pressed into the armrest.

He slaps his dick on your puffy folds, dragging your cum across. The sound is lewd and you're whimpering again. Instead of squirming away Eunseok looks down to see you try and push your hips up, your stomach flexing biting your lip to keep your noises down.

"I'll be fast and then we can go downstairs and enjoy the show," he says quietly.

His voice is thick and deep, you nod your head and reach a hand up between your thighs. Eunseok watches your dirty hands press the tip of his dick deeper between your folds. When he looks at your face you're still looking away, lip still caught between your teeth.

"Want it that bad?" he asks.

You nod your head again and you lift up your hip the smallest amount. Eunseok reaches his hand that's not holding your dick to your chin. He forces you to look at him while he gets the right angle. When he knows it's right he doesn't waste another second. He guides his dick down and sinks in, not bothering to prod your hole again until you start begging.

Your back arches and Eunseok smiles to himself. He's slow sinking in, feeding more and more until he can take his hand away. When he's in enough a grip on your thigh pulls your body further up. He presses into your lower stomach to feel you clench, and for a moment you're so tight he has to stop.

"Baby," he grinds out through clenched teeth.

"I know," you whimper.

"Too tight for your own good," he seethes.

He bites his own lip and still tastes you on it. He pushes further in knowing that the same slick is coating his dick now, letting more and more of him in little by little.

"Too big," you mutter.

Eunseok nods his head happily, kissing your hips together and staying there just to feel you try to suck more of him in. He pulls back and sees you open your mouth in a tiny gasp. He pushes back in and it punches a sound from your throat, high-pitched and whiny like from before.

"You flatter me baby," he says happily.

Eunseok knows that you're liable to cum again at any moment. No matter how many times you've fucked you're never good at giving him a warning, simply letting your body do all the talking. He would love to hear you tell him that you're cumming, he knows your voice would be even more wrecked than it is now.

"I'm close," he lies, but says it like he's trying to prove a point. "gonna cum inside."

"Okay," you whimper. Eunseok pushes his hips forward roughly, feeling you clench and hearing the the wet sound from your slick around his dick. "I'm close too."

Eunseok hums and starts moving himself at a steady pace. He could go like this all night. He thinks when you cum again he'll flip you over and take you like that. You always get the loudest in that position, and your ass always moved against him in the best way. He'll have you write a song about that too.

Your lips are plump and swollen, your own sheen still overlines them. whenever. They’ve been kissed red and aggressive like the heat across his cheeks. The post-orgasm haze is still heavy, you’re barely focused as Eunseok continues fucking you. He can still hear the party going on downstairs. Someone knocks on the door. You don't stop for even a second, continuing to pathetically push your hips into his. You just slump against the chair, going through the motions. Eunseok starts massaging his hand into your lower stomach to watch you writhe. He leans forward again, close until your blown out eyes almost go crossed to look at him.

“Remember the thing I like?” he asks against your lips.

Eunseok is still for a moment while you prop yourself up slightly on the chair. He drives his hips forward a little harder just to see you lose your train of thought. Your head tilts back but a moment later you shakily reach forward to card your fingers through his hair. He nods his head and feels himself throb inside of you. He pushes his hips into you again and you tighten your grip. He knows you know the hold is tight enough when Eunseok bares his teeth from the pain. He parts his lips and you stick your tongue between them. He hopes he can taste yourself and his spit mingled together. You push your tongue against the top row of his teeth, then you push it further into his mouth. You're so good at kissing him in the way he taught you now.

When you can’t breathe anymore you pull Eunseoks head away. There’s a line of spit that connects your lips. His hands go to your face, looking at your face but he seems far away. Maybe it’s because the music stopped playing.

“I remember when I first met you, you didn't know how to kiss at all,” he says.

after your everything shower, you decided to wear an outfit that you knew eunseok loved but hated to see in public. you put on his favourite black thong, along with a skirt that was long enough to not flash anyone but short enough to send him short-circuiting. you knew how much he hated you wearing revealing clothing if he wasn’t around you. you decided to forego the bra and put on a white tee but just so you don’t draw too much attention to yourself, you put on eunseok’s varsity jacket to cover your chest. you wanted to poke the bear but you weren’t gonna get yourself into the deep end of it. your boyfriend was the epitome of a stone. he was calm and collected, with a cold exterior but he had a temper.

upon seeing you waltz into class, eunseok’s face contorted and his eyebrows furrow from your lack of clothing, the skirt way too short for his liking. every self-restraint he had went out the window once he realised everyone else could see you in it. your outfit from the right angles could look appropriate but eunseok knew it was far from it.

you sat a few rows in front of him and hear your phone buzz as your took your seat. just as you expected, you managed to elicit a reaction from your boyfriend. you smirked but decided to ignore his messages.

seokkie <3 : what the fuck are you wearing

seokkie <3 : y/n don’t fucking play with me

seokkie <3 : answer me

seokkie <3 : baby i swear if you’re doing this just to get at me you’re fucking childish 

before eunseok could get up and pull you out of the classroom your professor entered and decided to start the class. just right then a classmate of yours enters the classroom late “sorry prof”.

“mr yang, ever the punctual”. your professor heaves a sigh. “take a seat your classmates aren’t going to wait for you”. the boy scans the classroom and spots the empty seat next to you and starts walking towards you and this was eunseok’s last straw. yang jinho – sleazy fuckboy captain from the lacrosse team. eunseok had a more than just distaste towards him – he absolutely loathed him. jinho has been trying to get with you from the start moment he saw you and always made remarks about how if your boyfriend was not satisfying you, you could always switch equipments and try out his sturdy lacrosse bat. jinho smirks as he sits down next to you. “alone today pretty girl? no guard dog today?” you roll your eyes at his statement. jinho looks behind to see an angry eunseok, then smirks and winks at him to provoke him more.

“class, today’s session is going to be brief. each of you will be paired with the person next to you for the next two weeks and work on a joint report for the topics that i’m about to assign you with. this counts for part of your grade so i expect you to take this seriously.”

no no no no no – eunseok’s brain was malfunctioning. you were not about to be stuck with an idiot who has been dying to get close to you for the past two years.

you were equally panicking at the arrangement but nonetheless decided that this was what eunseok deserved. you know it would tick him off. the additional factor was bound to make him break and he’d have to come to you.

“bro this is so lame,” sungchan, eunseok’s best friend and teammate, groaned next to eunseok, complaining how he’s stuck with him for the next two weeks while tapping on his basketball. eunseok was not listening to any of that but was staring to the back of your head and eyeing every single interaction you had with jinho.

“so looks like you’re stuck with me for two weeks pretty,” jinho smirks before his eyes wander from your face to your chest, zooming in on the outline of your perky nipples. “well aren’t you a feast for the eyes” you shot head towards him to see him looking at your chest, causing you to instantly cover yourself. “shut the fuck up idiot’. jinho chuckled before moving his eyes to your legs. you felt his wandering eyes on you and stood up abruptly, feeling unnecessarily exposed since your outfit choice reached the wrong target audience. “i need to use the bathroom.” you quickly exited the classroom. considering how everyone was engrossed in discussion no one really paid any attention to you leaving.

you felt stupid all of a sudden and just as you were about to start chastising yourself you feel a sharp tug on your wrist and gasped. you turn around to see eunseok, teeth clenched and eyebrows furrowed – he was fuming. it didn’t take long before he guided you to the basketball gym and pushed you into the equipment room – a room you’re familiar with considering you and eunseok had a number of raunchy sexcapades in here. it was big enough to have a table in the middle of the room and secluded enough that no one was going to find you or hear you.

“what the fuck was that,” he says after pushing you. you rolled your eyes, deciding if he wanted to continue being like that, you would too. “what was what?”

he eyes you from head to toe, “you just wanted to piss me off didn’t you”.

you crossed your arms “uh last i checked you pissed me off, eunseok.”

“so what? you’re just gonna run around and slut yourself out to that idiot just because i wouldn’t say sorry? you’re pathetic y/n”. he scoffed. oh now you were mad. “excuse me? so you get to have girls touch your arms and bat their eyelashes at you but as soon as jinho breathes next to me you’re upset? what a fucking hypocrite.” you push him and scoff in return.

he grits his teeth and comes closer to you and grabs a handful of your hair, earning a hiss from you, “i don’t flash my cock to girls like how you’re flashing your tits to him, practically begging him to just take my sloppy seconds.”

you try to push him away again but he moves forward to pin you against the table and kisses you instead. you kiss him back with the same vigour and tangle your fingers in his hair. your tongues fighting for dominance and his hands now wander to your chest to find your hardened nipples.

he lifts your shirt up and immediately attaches his mouth to your nipple, hands toying with the other one. the moment you felt his hot tongue on your nipple you immediately caved and moaned, missing the pleasure that you were denied for the past few days. “nghh fuck seokkie.”

he detaches his mouth and switches to the other nipple, alternating between licking and sucking. he moans into your chest as he begins to lower his other hand to your skirt. he groans as he feels the lack of fabric covering your pussy and ass despite the short skirt. you instinctively move your hips to his hand, craving the touch you couldn’t find in the past few days. he pushes your soaked thong aside to rub your clit, earning few lewd moans from you, each getting louder than before. “ugh fuck seokkie.”

he removes his mouth from your nipples and pushes you backwards so that you’re now lying on the table. he looks down at you with a sinister glare. “you’re leaving this room looking fucked out baby i don’t care,” and something about that ignites a fire in your body, not completely opposed to the idea of being fucked hard and rough during lecture hours after your short dry spell. you spread your legs wider, feeling the cold air hit your folds. “want more seokkie.”

he scoffs with a smirk upon hearing your response. you were always spoilt in bed – only because he’s spoiled you throughout your relationship, constantly giving in to you whenever you asked him to. “fucking greedy girl. can’t say no to my princess now can i?”

he inserts his middle finger and ring finger into your pussy, your wetness completely coating his fingers. he fucks you hard and fast with his fingers, the squelching sounds of your folds fill the room. “fuck fuck fuck so good.” your eyes roll back from the sensation as eunseok continues to stare at your state, completely loving how you were submitting yourself to him, and he was no where near done with you. he meant every single word of ruining you. his pace was relentless, with no intention of edging you, in fact he was going to test your boundaries today. “fucking cum on my fingers baby,” and your feel your first orgasm wash over you with ease. “so fucking good seokkie.”

“i’m not even close to being done with you baby, when you leave this room everyone and their mothers are gonna know you’ve just been fucked” he removes his fingers from your pussy and licks every drop. you feel yourself getting wetter at his remark. “want that seokkie, want you to ruin me.” he chuckles darkly at you. “bend over.”

you lift yourself up from the table and do as he says. “lift your skirt up baby.” you lift the pathetic excuse of a skirt up, giving him a glimpse of your puffy wet folds, your thong doing a completely useless job in covering anything. eunseok kneels behind you and latches his lips to your folds, proceeding to eat you out from the back. you feel his tongue swirl around your clit before he sucks on it. his tongue darts back out to tease your folds before move higher to your ass. he spreads your cheeks to eat lick your puckering hole while he puts his index and middle finger into your pussy. 

“nghh fuck yes seokkie you’re so good to me,” your sigh from the pleasure, loving the fact that both your holes were getting the attention. “gotta prep you baby i wanna ruin you but i’m not that mean”

you grind on his face, eager to chase the orgasms you’ve been denied for the past few days. he removes his fingers and inserts his tongue into your folds and starts swirling. you scream and start to tremble from your second orgasm.

eunseok stands up and undoes his belt and pants, pulling it down to bring out his hard and painful cock. he lines his head to your folds, smearing your juices with his tip as he teases your entrance “whose pussy is this baby?” you spread your cheeks for him. “yours daddy”. satisfied with your answer, he inserts his dick into your pussy, bottoming out. “damn right it is.”

he hands find your hips to hold your still and starts thrusting hard and fast. loud pornographic moans and squelching sounds continue to fill the room. he moves one hand to front of your neck to lift you up, his chest now attached to your back. his other hand now completely hugging your front to keep you pinned to him. he grip on you is possessive and hard.

“just had to dress like a slut baby? i know you’re mad at me but you didn’t have to go seek attention from others. you know if you ask i’d give you what you want. you just had to give him a glimpse of what’s mine,” he tightens his jaw and decided to fuck you harder and grips your neck, bicep flexing right next to your face.

“s-slow down s-seok,” you managed to mutter.

“fucking take what i give you,” he growled. he was relentless.

the hand that was hugging you was now moving to your clit. he starts rubbing figure 8s on your clit and you feel your orgasm approaching you quickly. he feels your walls fluttering and trembling against him but he doesn’t stop.

feeling overwhelmed by the sensation, tears start to escape the brim of your eyes. “f-fuck sen-sitive,” you choke out.

“wanna cry baby? do i look like i give a shit? that’s how i want you look like when you go back to see that fucker.” he lets go of your neck and slowly pushes your spine down the table, your face now completely planted on the surface. he looks down to see your plump ass cheeks bouncing from his thrusts and moves his hands to spread them a little more. your asshole comes into view and he manoeuvres his thumb around it. he slowly inserts his finger into your hole and you instantly moan at the sensation. you and eunseok were no stranger to anal play and in fact, you often found yourself enjoying it. only eunseok could make you into a whimpering slut for his touches, ready to spread out any part of yourself for him.

“you like having your holes filled baby?” he coos. “yes yes yes fuck yes,” you were completely fucked out. “want me to stop? want me to slow down? use your big girl words.”

“n-no fuck. harder please daddy.” he continues to fuck you while his thumb stays in your ass, balls slapping your clit. you clench your pussy upon feeling another orgasm creeping up.

“fuck baby i’m gonna cum,” you hear eunseok groan behind you.

“me too daddy,” he laughs at you condescendingly. “such a fucking slut didn’t you have enough already?” of course you didn’t. and who was he kidding? he would always make you cum multiple times until you had to beg him to stop.

“can’t help it daddy feels so good wanna cum.”

“go ahead baby make yourself cum on daddy’s cock,” you bring your fingers down to your clit and start rubbing circles and you feel a bubbling sensation. your next orgasm gushes out uncontrollably, resulting in eunseok taking his cock out to watch you squirt out on the floor. he chuckles victoriously before plunging his cock back into your pussy. with a few more strokes you feel him unload deep into you. “fuuuuck baby.”

he slowly takes out his dick and you whimper from the sensitivity. eunseok stares at your pussy as some of his cum leaks out to the floor. he sits you up on the table so that you can catch your breath. “spread your legs for me baby wanna see.”

your nipples are rock hard, chest heaving, skirt hunched up and your useless thong soaked and pussy throbbing. “fuck look at you, so fucking perfect,” he whips out his phone and takes a picture of your fucked out state. “spread your pussy for me baby.”

your bring your fingers down to form a v-shape, spreading your hole wider and globs of his thick cum drips out as you exhale. he touches your sensitive hole with two fingers, dips in and spreads his cum to your clit, rubbing slow circles “are you gonna change partners baby?” he stares at you in all seriousness. you furrow your brows, thinking that he wasn’t actually going to make a big deal about the project.

“w-what i thought you said-“

“what did you think? that i was gonna let him look at your fucked out state? tch baby you know very well i don’t share you. tell professor park you’re changing partners or you don’t wanna know what i’ll do to that guy” he continues to rub his cum all over your clit and pussy lips. knowing eunseok and his reputation, he had no qualms beating people up and ruining their things, always thinking he can get away with his money and status as the university’s basketball team captain.

“but seok, jinho –“

his fingers still at the mention of his name. his seethes at the way you just uttered another guy's name while being under him. you see his jaw clench and pupils dilate. “did i not fuck enough sense into you? you still gonna mention his name?”

he starts stroking his cock. “looks like lacrosse fuckface does need to see who you belong to after all, maybe once he sees your fucked out state he wouldn’t wanna mess with a slut like you.” he stands up and aims his cock at you. his eyes now clouded with a type of anger you've not seen before. he wasn't just possessive over you, he was obsessed. he needed for you to see that nobody else could satisfy you like him, that no one else could replace him, that he was the only person for you. he needed you to need him the way he needs you.

“seok what are you –“

“keeps those legs spread” he comes in fronts of you lining up to your entrance, dips his head into your cum filled pussy only to move it lower to your other hole. you bite your lips and your heart rate picks up.

“ease up baby otherwise it’s gonna hurt” you’ve done anal multiple times and still need time to get used to his size.

he eases his head into your hole and it’s a whole different sensation, much stronger, much more electric than before “fucking love this ass.” your face contorts with pain and slow morphs into pleasure when he rubs your clit to help you ease up. “gonna move now baby,” and you nod.

“fuck so good daddy want more” he grips your thighs and keeps thrusting. “so fucking tight what a perfect slut for me to use”

you’re equally dirty. you lick your fingers and start toying with your nipples, adding to the sensation. one hand then moves to your clit and starts rubbing circles “that’s right baby girl put your fingers in. i know how much you love being filled”

you dip your fingers in and are met with his thick ropes of cum, the more you finger yourself the more his cum oozes out of you, creating a mess to your thighs. your fingers coupled with the sensation in your ass is making it too much. you were about to cum again and he chuckles at your state.

“baby you’re so pathetic you can’t even stop can you?” your eyes well up with tears and shake your head. “want it so bad daddy please”

“not yet baby girl just a bit longer i’m not done with this ass” he continues to thrust into you. he denies you your orgasm by taking your fingers away from your pussy, earning a whine from you.

you could deny all you want, you hated his toxic possessive side but you loved the way your body reacts to him, you loved his touch and if you’re being honest to yourself, you don’t think you’d want to move on from his touches.

he removes his dick from your ass and you whimper at the loss, sound escaping before you can stop it, both your holes now aching from stimulation. your nipples were so sensitive that the fabric from the clothes were too overwhelming. he helps you take off the jacket, t-shirt and skirt, wanting to feel himself all over your bare skin. “turn around baby” he says after taking off your soaked thong and pocketing it.  you’re now fully naked on top of the table and sensitive. ‘fucking beautiful’.

he guide you up to get into position. with how wet you are it’s not gonna take long before you cum. he teases you by putting his head into your asshole to watch it stretch but refusing to put it all the way in, he just knew how to get your to succumb to him.

“fuck daddy fuck me please…”

“whose slut are you?”

“yours daddy!”

“good fucking girl” he says before sinking fully into your tight hole. this position was much more euphoric considering he’s in you much deeper. he positions one of your leg up the table to give himself more room.

“ohhh yes such a fucking tight ass for me to ruin.” you were in cloud nine, the sensation was much better and you feel your pussy leaking even more with how horny you were right now. “i love it i love it i love it” you were so cock drunk and a babbling mess. “fuck daddy you’re so deep.”

“look at you baby you look so fucking pathetic, like a whore,” he chuckled at your state. “even after fucking you and filling your pussy you still want your ass to be filled, fucking greedy.” you moaned out loud.

“just a fucking slut who can’t keep her legs shut because that’s what you’re only good for right? a cock warmer. so so so pretty when you’re getting railed baby. fuck, tell me how much you want it baby girl,” your moans are so incoherent at this point, anything you try to respond just doesn’t come out right. “d-daddy fuck i want it so bad.”

“that’s it be a good girl and take it all up your ass” he spanks you and you screamed. “play with your pussy baby” you move your fingers into your pussy and start fingering yourself. you feel a rush of euphoria as you squirt again. you clenched your ass upon your final orgasm, causing eunseok to cum.

as he slowly unloads him he watches his cum leak out and dribble to your pussy. "my beautiful princess." as you both catch your breaths he kisses you fondly. “don’t ever do that again and piss me off,” you were about to fight back but honestly you couldn’t find the energy to. “i love you so much princess,” he kisses your temple and your cheek. “tell me you love me baby,” he urges. “i love you too seok,” you give him a kiss on the lips.

he passes you your shirt, skirt and his jacket. he helps you put on the jacket and zips up the jacket fully, clearly disapproving any chance of anyone else perceiving your chest. as you smooth out your skirt you bring you hand out to him. “seok, my thong.”

he gives you a wicked smile before shaking his head. “no baby you’re going to go back to that class and have that idiot see the cum dripping from your legs.”

you widen your eyes at his statement. you knew eunseok was possessive over you but he has never deliberately asked you do something like this before. heck he would’ve punched any guy who dared to even gaze at you for too long. “are you fucking insane!? give it back to me now.”

he raises his brows at you. “do i look like i’m joking baby? that fucker needs to stop thinking he has a chance with you and you need to stop giving him any signs that he does. so do as i say,” he grabs your jaw and makes you look at him, his eyes tell you he was serious. you take a deep breath and close your eyes. “fine,” you muttered while gritting your teeth, knowing that any form of argument is just going to set things back to square one. you just somewhat made up without even needing to apologise to him. he smiles, clearly pleased with your answer, “good fucking girl.”

you two finally walk back into class, the place still the same before you left - everyone still discussing the project and your professor was far too busy with some other students at the front. you walk towards your table and see jinho on his phone, clearly uninterested in the project and far too occupied with whatever game was on his phone. you take a seat and start to pack your things since there was only 10 minutes left, and jinho whips his head toward you. you were still sensitive. your nipples still hard and your holes still throbbing from the insane session, resulting in more of his cum to trickle down your legs. this does not go unnoticed by jinho. he looks back to eunseok to see eunseok smirking.

“i see guard dog is working overtime,” he chuckled. you rolled your eyes and clenched your legs. “look, i’m going to do the report. just send whatever you have to me to my email,” you say as you quickly stand up and exit the classroom, glaring at eunseok in the process who only grins at you like he won a prize. if you didn’t love him you would’ve absolutely slapped the soul out of him for finding joy in objectifying you outside of the bedroom.

“bro we’re all set for tonight, taro just texted me he got the goods,” sungchan nudges eunseok with his eyes still glued to the phone. “fuck yeah, it’s about to get lit tonight," sungchan coos.

eunseok’s frat house was hosting another gathering tonight to celebrate the mid-season break and of course everyone was invited. eunseok was fond of the parties but never really had the bone to plan any of it. sungchan took pride in planning the best parties, with shotaro supplying the booze and drugs.

there was no party on campus like a phi kappa sigma party.

---

“finally made up with loverboy?” you hear your friend karina shouting from across the room, hair tangled with rollers and both her hands working on the hair curler. you smiled at yourself in the mirror, putting the finishing touches of your lip gloss, satisfied with your appearance – long bouncy girls and subtle smoky makeup, a leather crop top that accentuates the shape of your chest, a short black skirt to pair with it and straps of your red thong peaking through your skirt, sticking to your hip bones.

“now what makes you say that?” you eye your friend through the mirror. she stares at you, “well for once you’re in a good mood this week.” you rolled your eyes and turned around to face her. “well yeah i guess we made up.”

“you two are like magnets, girl you two wouldn’t last without each other,” she rolls her eyes back at you, although you know she means well.

“well well well ladies looks like the zeta alpha sigma girls are about the outshine everyone else in their parties again,” giselle pops in donning a black co-ord set and knee high boots, rocking her signature rockstar goth chic.

giselle was the first friend you made upon entering university. she was the head strong friend that constantly mothers you and your sorority sisters but with good intentions. in fact, she was eunseok’s childhood friend and the person that introduced you to him. living in high society, their dads were friends and both giselle and eunseok were legacy students at the university. she was the only girl you trust to be around him considering they have about 20 years of friendship between them.

“hurry up rina let’s go!”

---

the phi kappa sigma frat house was in its typical friday night behaviour – loud and bright and filled with people. the three of you had to manoeuvre your way through a bunch of drunk people making out to enter the house. upon enter the house, the smell of weed, alcohol and cigarettes hits your nose and you dart your head around attempting to locate your boyfriend before spotting him on the couch by the beer pong table observing the game in front of him. he's wearing a pair of jeans with a simple tank top and leather jacket over it. one thing about eunseok is no matter how simple his outfit was, his face card made up for it.

your eyes narrow at the sight of girls dressed in far less clothing that were surrounding him and his friends, who were clearly not that interested in playing the game but only doing so that they could bend over to get his attention. you’re thankful your boyfriend seems unfazed by their advances, not even sparing them a glance. you strut your way to him and his eyes lit up with a smile upon you coming into his eyeline. you situate yourself on his lap with your arms locked around his neck. he gives you a kiss before wrapping his arms around your waist, “was waiting for you baby. what took you so long? missed my princess.”

“looking this good takes time babe,” you say as a matter of fact. he scans your clothing and caresses your thigh. “fuck i could take you right here on this chair.”

“oh yeah? and give your little fangirls a show?” you were obviously being sarcastic and he chuckles. “babe do i look like i care about those nobodies?”

“eunseok!” you two dart your heads towards a familiar voice. shotaro walks towards the two of you with a smile and then opens his fist, two seemingly innocent looking pills on offer. “you’re gonna wanna try these. it kicks in fast.” eunseok pops one of them into his mouth and swallows them before sticking his tongue out again to put the other on his tongue, nudging you to take it. you move to straddle him and his hands find your ass to hold you in place. you lean in to kiss him, taking the pill for yourself and swallowing it.  the two of you continue to make out, completely ignoring the unimpressed faces of the girls behind you who seemingly thought they stood a chance with him. you feel him hardening under you and you start to grind onto him. he groans at the contact and steadies your pace with his hands on your hips.

you pulled away to catch your breath. you stare at his glossy eyes, and swollen lips, his lips now stained with a shade of red due to your lip gloss. both your pupils are now completely dilated and senses completely heightened. damn where did taro find these pills. his thumb grazes the outline of your nipples against your top, eliciting a whimper out of you. “fuck baby wanna fuck you right now,” he stands up and guides you to his room and locks the door before throwing you on the bed. he unbuttons his jeans and whips out his cock, giving his a few strokes. “suck it baby,” he commands you and you’re now on all fours, take his cock into your mouth, eagerly licking and sucking it. his fingers thread through your perfect blowout and groans from the pleasure. you gag from the size of his cock, his tip hitting the back of your throat. you release his cock to take a breath before he sits down, urging you to sit on him.

“ride me baby,” he shifts your thong to the side and you sink down on him, loving the stretch. “fuck so big seokkie.” he pulls down the straps of your top to reveal your perky breasts, tongue swirling around your nipples and leaving some marks in the process.

“my perfect little slut, so fucking good f’me princess.” he was so fucking high and possessed. he was looking at you like you were his world, so ready to drown in you. his hands was all over you, groping you and kneading your flesh. his grip against you was tight, trapping you in place as he refuses to be away from you, completely needy and desperate for your touch. “don’t want you away from me, need you- need you close,” he pleads and yearns. you allow yourself to get lost in his embrace. the effects of the pill slowly clouded your senses and you felt euphoric. your fingers move to his hair and your start tugging on his locks. he looks up at you with a dark glint masking his need for reassurance. “who owns you baby?” he spanks your ass hard and growls.

“fuck! you do daddy!” you were completely lost in it. “fuck i’m gonna cum daddy!” he starts pistoning his hips upwards and that sends you into waves of heat in your core. “fuck me too baby, gonna cum gonna cum gonna cum,” with one last thrust he releases his load into you. "fuck i love you so much my beautiful girl. mine, all mine," he sighs into your lips and kisses you over and over again. "i love you too seok."

the two of you stay like this for a minute before you hop off and adjust your clothes and makeup. “i’m gonna quickly go grab a drink babe,” you mention to him before heading downstairs. “i’ll be with you in a sec.” he says as he catches his breath.

you head down to the kitchen through a sea of people and grab yourself vodka cherry. as you try to make your make your way back you bumped into someone. you were about to apologise before you lift your head up and saw that it was jinho.

“oh, you,” you snickered.

“easy sweetheart,” he dusts himself and chuckles before eyeing your appearance, spotting a few marks on the top of your chest. “damn your guard dog never stops, must be lucky to get his dick wet everyday,” upon hearing this – and you blame the drugs in your system – you decided to splash the vodka on his face. "fucking bitch." jinho, clearly displeased with your gesture, lunges forward in an attempt to grab you but before he could do that he's pulled back by eunseok who drops a nasty punch to his face. seemingly still possessed by the effects of the pill, he doesn’t stop, giving jinho no time to even react. he pushes him onto the floor and crouches down to grab his collar, causing the crowd to erupt into waves of shock, and starts drilling his knuckles into the side of his face, each punch harder than the last.

your eyes widened, finally realising what was going on. “eunseok! stop! get off!” you try to pull him back but your boyfriend did not give a shit. “how many times –“ by this time, jinho’s face was bleeding. “- do i have to tell you-“ and this time, you were sure he broke his nose. “- to not fucking mess with my girlfriend,” he roars and by this time his frat brothers heeseung and sunghoon enter the kitchen to try to pull him away. it took a bit of tugging and pulling to get him completely off jinho.

sungchan and shotaro barged into the room with giselle and karina after hearing the commotion. “dude what the fuck!?” sungchan remarks at the sight of blood on the kitchen floor. the only sign that jinho was still conscious was the fact that he tried to get up. "shit." giselle and karina were equally horrified by the sight.

shotaro notices a person recording the entire ordeal and snatches the phone away and tosses it into the mixer jug. he scans the room and notices everyone else was in a daze and no one else had their phones on. this was not his first rodeo.

“everyone leave and go home!” sungchan shouts to the people at the party. “now!” everyone begins to scramble and leave. giselle and karina quickly walk toward you to hug you and pull you away. you were crying by now, shocked at what your boyfriend just did. sure, he has thrown a couple of punches before but you have never seen him go this hard, not to a point where the person he punched looks like he was half past dead. eunseok looks at you and sees your tearful eyes gazing back at him with fear. his eyes soften and before he could get up and go to you, to tell you he did what he did to protect you, giselle tugs you away and you follow her. “let’s go babe, let the boys deal with this first." eunseok brings his face to his hands, debating whether he fucked things up with you tonight.

“dude what in the fuck did you do?” heeseung eyes eunseok and combs through his hair with his fingers out of frustration. “that fucker had it coming,” he spits out. he gave no shits as to whether jinho was alive and functioning. “shut the fuck up eunseok,” shotaro hisses.

jinho gets up and stumbles his way out of the kitchen and heeseung has to hold eunseok back to prevent him from lunging forward again.

“guys – someone just called the cops,” sunghoon’s voice was laced with panic as the sound of the sirens approach the frat house.

“fuckkkkkkk,” sungchan groans.

---

eunseok, sungchan, sunghoon, shotaro, heeseung and other members of the frat house stood in a line, head bowed down and quiet. in a corner, they hear coach kim, their basketball coach, mumbling something to the police officers. this had been going on for the past 20 minutes. a couple of sighs and apologies were heard and in return a few stern warnings were seemingly relayed. the police officers then entered their cars and left. after leaving, coach park turns around his jaw is clenched. he walks towards the boys with his hands on his hips.

“in my 25 years of coaching, do you know how many police officers i had to talk to?” 

“i don't-“ “shut the fuck up park,” he glares at sunghoon who instantly stops talking.

“it’s such a disgrace that my star team,” he says eyeing the five boys, “are fucking hooligans.” he then eyes the rest of the members of the fraternity.

“did anyone else see this happen?” coach kim looks at someone hoping for an answer, hoping that news of this incident doesn't reach further than necessary. “no coach, no one,” shotaro answers, remembering how the only form of evidence was sitting in his mixer jug.

“good,” his face contorts into something similar to relief but still fueled with disappointment. “song, jung, park, osaki, lee, you five can stay and the rest of you can leave,” he says and waits for everyone else to leave. once everyone is out of earshot he glares at the five and notices eunseok’s bloody knuckles.

“not everything here can be fixed with money,” he starts off with a sigh. “i know you boys have had it easy and you think since it’s mid season you can party around without consequences,” no one dared to look up to him. "some of you are here as legacy or some other types of privileged backgrounds but the point is, all of you need to fucking wake up and realise daddy's money can't bring you so far if you don't have the right attitude." the boys continued to keep their head down.

“but this isn’t about just college basketball or drugs and parties. some of you could’ve gone to jail tonight and the only reason you did not is because that lacrosse boy was also intoxicated with drugs. i had to convince coach sim over the phone to convince the boy to not press charges.”

upon hearing that, eunseok’s expression remained stoic but a part of him was relieved deep down. “with that being said, i do not want to this incident to repeat itself,” the boys slowly start to lift their heads up only for coach kim to drop a bomb on them, “which is why you five will not play in the first three games when the season continues,” this time eunseok furrows his eyebrows and speaks for the first time.

“coach what the fuck?! we play dalton for the first game!” dalton was the team’s main rival, and without the A-team, there was a high possibility the team would lose that game and jeopardise their championship campaign – which also means this would jeopardise their chances of going pro since scouts would undoubtedly show up for the game.

“i said what i said, song,” coach kim turns to eunseok.

“wait no – coach this is not fair,” heeseung interjects.

“what’s unfair is me minding my own business and then getting a phone call in the middle of the night saying that my shooting guard has almost sent the lacrosse captain to see his creator,” he glares at eunseok again who now has his eyes closed with a sigh.

“coach wait, please, not the dalton game, you can suspend us later,” sungchan pleads.

“coach, the scouts,” shotaro adds to it.

“none of you seemed to care about your future when you decided to commit a few crimes tonight,” he chastised. “i said what i said and if you aren’t happy then that’s on you,” he says before leaving. "clean this fucking shit up and i better not be getting more calls," he sighs in disappointment.

all five boys now were angry, frustrated and upset. “dude what the fuck! did you have to beat him up like that?” sungchan pushes eunseok. “what the fuck! he was being a creep and had it coming! if anything, i don’t know what the fuck taro gave me,” he then eyes shotaro who now put his hands up in defence, “everyone had it but no one went apeshit like you,” he fights back.

“man shut the fuck up all of you,” sunghoon groans. “my parents are gonna kill me if they find out about this.”

“shut up sunghoon, all of us are now fucked,” heeseung hisses.

---

you were back at your room, still reeling from the shock of your boyfriend punching the daylights out of jinho. you started to wonder was it the drugs or was it you who caused it, the guilt eating you up from inside. you hear giselle and karina mumbling something on the outside, seemingly alarmed and you walked out to see what the fuss was about. they froze when they saw you.

“what’s going on?” you asked, and you see them look at each other before giselle sighs and look at you. “taro said coach kim came. now him, eunseok, sungchan, sunghoon and heeseung are suspended from the first three games after the mid season break.” your eyes widened at this. sure, eunseok has been through a fair share of trouble but he was never suspended. your jaw instantly hits the floor with this information. “good thing is i don’t think jinho is gonna press charges against eunseok,” karina adds. oddly, that information was not reassuring. suspension and talks of pressing charges at the same night?

and all because of you?

“fuck, eunseok’s dad is gonna explode,” you mutter. it was no secret that eunseok’s dad was a controlling perfectionist, constantly putting pressure on eunseok to excel in his studies and basketball, both of them in a program of their own to make sure he gets scouted. now this? this was gonna send his dad to a fucking frenzy when he finds out.

“hey hey don’t worry about it now, we’ll deal with that when it arises,” giselle comes and hugs you and you instantly sob into her embrace.

you knew what you had to do now.

“i can’t do this, gi,” you look at her. “what are you talking about?” she raises her eyebrows.

“it’s just, eunseok got into that fight because of me,” you hiccuped. “hey it’s not your fault,” karina defends. “i know but each time we fight something always happens and this time it just got way out of hand and i don’t know, i just – “ you took a deep breath. “we can’t – i can’t – i have to let him go, for good.” both the girls’ eyes widened at your remark.

“y/n, babe, i know for a fact eunseok does not blame you for this. nor do the boys. if anything it was that fuckface that messed with you, he had it coming for a long time and honestly he should be lucky he only has a broken nose,” giselle attempts to comfort you.

“that’s the thing, gi! broken noses, suspension, talks about charges, the university getting involved! this isn’t just about us anymore! i might just have cost the boys a future career too!” you shout.

“y/n think about this clearly,” karina says sternly. "don't make hasty decisions let's process this tomorrow."

"you have to know that none of this was your fault," giselle adds on.

you take a deep breath and head back into your room and reach for your phone. you might regret this tomorrow but at this moment, you believed it was the only right thing to do. you loved him so much but you could not shake off the guilt of causing things to get out of hand.

“eunseok, we can’t do this anymore, let’s break up for good this time,” you typed out and hit send and blocked his contact. you knew you were being harsh and irrational since the incident was still so fresh. in fact, you weren’t even sure how this was going to work considering you share mostly the same classes and group of friends.

but at the moment, it felt like the right thing to do amongst every wrong thing that happened.

---

the boys were still arguing outside the house, each of them blaming each other for the unfortunate incident. eunseok walked away to cool himself down and felt his phone buzz. he reached into his back pocket to see a message from you.

princess: eunseok, we can’t do this anymore, let’s break up for good this time

he closes his eyes and clenches his jaw and throws his phone to the ground. he runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a groan while kicking a few beer bottles in the process. he then decides to go pick his phone up and enter the house. he's clouded with a huge range of emotions from the suspension, on how to face his dad, from his teammates whom he let down and now his precious girlfriend not wanting anything to do with him.

he knows you’re traumatised, you’re scared and you’re upset. and after everything that happened tonight, he wasn’t in the right headspace either. he was gonna give you some space and think about everything tomorrow. he was so sure he was able salvage it when the moment comes.

but unlike every other time you two took a break or broke up, this felt different.

_____________________________________________________________

you watched as he placed the bag on the bed beside of you before opening it, his fingers dove in and pulled out what you assumed to just be a piece of green lace fabric, not your entire outfit. your eyes widened as he laid it down on the bed. the outfit, or lack or, seemed to just be a body suit, one made entirely of a sheer, see through green lace material.

you looked back at eunseok, eyes wider than before, mouth dry as you struggled to find words. it wasn't as if you hadn't worn something like it before, but never something so revealing. eunseok smiled to himself as he saw the shock on your face, watching as you carefully touched the fabric that was laying on the bed.

"do you want me to wear it now?" eunseok hummed, stepping closer to you before grabbing both of your hands, gently pulling you to stand up in front of him.

"i want to put it on you" he pushed his fingers through yours, slowly moving them from side to side as he spoke to you "let me dress you up, doll" you nodded slowly, deciding to let him take control. eunseok smiled before dropping his hands from yours, moving them to push under your shirt. he slowly pushed the material up your body, his hands keeping contact with your waist until your shirt had left your skin. he took his time to push it over your head, letting it fall to the floor as he fingers lingered on your skin.

you felt your breath hitch in your throat, your breathing beginning to stagger from how close he was to you. barely any space was left between you too as he pressed himself forward, fingers dancing along your skin until they reached the clip of your bra.

eunseok took his time to undress you, his fingers were gentle on each part of your skin. barely touching you as he let your bra slip down your arms and onto the floor. he could feel your nipples harden against his chest as the cold air of the room breezed past them. you gulped as he pulled himself back slightly, his lips ghosting over the crook of your neck before he looked down at you.

eunseok moved, taking seat on the edge of the bed, the same place you resided when he first walked into your room. he was quiet as he held your waist, hands turning your body to face him. he pulled you forward, your body standing in between his legs before he leaned toward you. he pressed his forehead against you, his hands travelling further around your waist as he pressed a wet kiss to your stomach. there was a heat forming between your legs and you were almost sure that he could feel the radiation coming off of it, with how close he was to you it seemed inevitable for him to know.

eunseok pressed another kiss against your stomach, lower than the previous one, you shivered as his hair tickled your skin. your hands pushed into his hair, letting the smooth strands sink between the gaps of your fingers. you sighed as he kissed lower again, humming against your skin as he was met with the waist band of your shorts that sat low around your hips. he looked up to you, his eyes wide and seemingly innocent, holding an emotion that was completely different to the ambience around the too of you. the tension in the room almost made you dizzy, if eunseok hadn't had such a tight grip on you then you were sure you could've fallen faint.

he dragged his fingers down, tracing them over the hem of your shorts before hooking his fingers beneath them, catching your underwear with them. he continued to look at you as he pulled them down your legs. he let go of them when they were so far down, letting them fall to the floor so you could step out of them. that was when eunseok let go of you, leaning back so he could look at all of you, completely bare for his eyes only. he almost changed his mind about dressing you in the lingerie he had brought, wanting nothing more than to lay you down and take you the way you were right now. but he stopped himself, still having a craving for seeing you in something so daring, something so slutty for a girl like you.

"you're so tempting" he spoke into the room, eyes not leaving your body as he focused on you "could eat you right up" he commented, fingers brushing over your skin before he grabbed your hand, all he wanted to do was ravage you, to see you ruined because of him. he kept reminding himself to be patient, attempting to calm himself before he forgot about the clothing all together. eunseok attempted to breathe, you were utterly irresistible in his eyes and he could feel that effect flowing through his body, his cock already throbbing in his jeans. he should have known better than to think he could freely undress you and dress you again without frustrating himself.

"eunseok?" you questioned softly, your voice barely audible, feeling too intimidated under his gaze.

"hmm? what's wrong angel?" he ran his thumb over the back of your hand before his eyes met yours, there was a mixture of adoration and lust in them.

"are you okay?" eunseok sent you a sweet smile, finding your concern in the current situation to be endearing. he brought your hand to his lips and kissed the back of it gently, lips pressing against your skin before he pulled away and smiled at you.

"perfect" he let go of your hand, reaching beside him to pick up the green fabric " 'm just excited to see you all dressed up" you smiled shyly at him, letting him drop his hand from yours as he held the bodysuit. he handled it with care, gently undoing a button from the back before scrunching it up, allowing the holes for your legs to be easily accessible.

eunseok leaned forward, bending so he could dress you. your hands went to his hair to steady yourself as he lifted your foot, helping you step into the hole before moving to your other. you gulped as he lifted his head, feeling his breath fan over your upper thighs, shivering as it washed over your cunt. eunseok could smell you from where he was and he felt his mouth water, the need he felt inside of him to lean forward and press his tongue into your slit almost over took him, but he refrained. letting out another deep breath before slowly pulling the cloth up your leg.

you felt the slight roughness of the lace graze over your thighs, as you looked down all you could see was his eyes. wide, focused on your body as he let the body suit stop at your cunt, slowly covering it as he brought it further up your skin. you couldn't help but shiver as his fingers brushed over your waist, watching as he stood up so he could hold up the straps for you to put your arms into. once it was settled against your skin he gently held your waist, turning you around so he could do up the button that sat atop of the back of it.

eunseok breathed deeply as he turned you back around, sitting back on the edge of the bed whilst admiring you. it seemed to fit you perfectly, the lace attaching itself to your skin, almost becoming one with you as you stood in front of him. the lace left almost nothing to the imagination, his eyes not failing to notice the way your nipples sat hardened underneath the fabric.

he touched you, fingers sliding over the fabric as he admired you. he released a deep breath as he stared at you, feeling the urge to tell you how beautiful you were, how he believes you could make anything seem like sunshine just from being near it, he just needed you to know how much he loved you. eunseok wished to detach those feelings from the moment though, wanting to save those words for when he can take his time with you, on a night where he didn't feel the deep rooted urge to create a beautiful mess out of you.

eunseok bit back a groan, his hand running through his hair before he grabbed a hold of your hips to pull you down to straddle him. your arms fell around his neck as he held your waist, knees pressing into the mattress either side of his body. the grip he held on your waist made you feel weak, it only tightened as he felt your cunt press down against him.

eunseok took his time to admire you, from the sparkle in your eyes to the way your lips stayed slightly parked whilst you kept your eyes on his face. he felt as if he was savouring the moment, having you so close to him, dressed so prettily whilst looking seemingly innocent as you ever could be. he knew once he laid you down and pushed himself into you that the gentle feeling around the two of you would fade away, he could already feel it slipping. there were thoughts plaguing his mind, vivid images of you laid out on your bed, him pushing the body suit aside before slipping into your welcoming heat. he was getting ahead of himself.

one of his hands left you as he reached back to the bag, you watched him as he pushed the bag to the floor once he had taken out the final item in there. you let your head fall to the side as you admired the choker her held, a small smile on your lips as you went to question him about it. he beat you, answering before you could.

"it was matching" he spoke, his voice still gentle within the room. his fingers played with the clasp on the back of the choker as he pulled it open. he looked at you, watching as you brought your hands under your hair to lift it up, allowing him to bring it to your neck and close it around it. eunseok leaned back on his elbows, eyes not leaving you as you stayed straddling his lap. he was in awe of your beauty, his heart rate increasing the longer he looked at you.

"come here" he barely spoke, simply beckoning you to lean down to him, which you did. after a few moments of unbroken eye contact, eunseok finally caved. he laid down on the bed and brought his fingers to your waist, letting them dig into the fabric as he kissed you for the first time that night. eunseok immediately sighed against your lips, melting into the kiss the moment he felt you against him. yet, despite the relief he felt from having you so close to him, it only frustrated him more.

out of sheer need eunseok dragged his hands from your waist to your ass, his fingers dug into your skin as he ground you down against him, the kiss heating up in intensity. he pushed his tongue into your mouth as he moved your hips, your fingers twirled in his hair as you moved your hips along with his hands.

eunseok could barely hold himself together as he pressed you as close as he could to himself, the kiss beginning to cause spit to slip from your mouths and slowly drip down his cheek. eunseok moaned into the kiss, unable to hold back as the friction of your cunt soothed the throb of his cock.

one of his hands left your body, a few seconds later it returned but this time he held your chin in his hand. he used his hand to break the kiss, holding your jaw in a tight grip at he looked up at you. your eyes almost seemed dazed as you stared back, your lips slick with your shared spit. eunseok was suddenly brought back to wanting nothing more than to ravage you whole.

“i need to fuck you” was all he really said, you felt your mouth dry as he spoke. you gulped back whatever spit you had in your mouth, fingers curling round his hair before you spoke back.

“please” it came out as more of a whimper than anything else, your voice betraying you as you pleaded for him to give into his desires and take you.

it felt as if barely a second had past before you were laid on your bed, your head hitting your pillow as he took his place kneeling up between your legs. he leaned down to kiss you, not wasting any time to feel you against him again.

as the kiss deepened, your fingers found their way under his shirt, your knuckles knocking against the fabric as he continued to kiss you. you desperately wanted it off of him, wanting his bare skin against you as soon as you could. the material being pushed up caused your lips to part, his shirt being pushed over his head before you threw it to the floor, your lips connecting once more.

the kiss became rushed, wet. your tongues pushing against one another, your saliva moving between your mouths as you kept him close. your fingers press into his back, legs spreading a little further so he could press directly against you. there was a dull throb forming on your clit, heartbeat sending blood rushing through your veins. desperation suddenly seemed too tame.

your fingers slipped round his body, tips dragging along his skin as you blindly found the button of his jeans. you fiddled with it as you continued to kiss him, managing to push the button through the loop causing it to become undone. you struggled to push the material down his hips, eunseok shuffled to help you. the rushed actions caused more of a struggle. he hesitantly broke the kiss, sighing as he got off of the bed.

you could have laughed at the way he rushed to shove his jeans off of his body, wasting no time to ride himself of the briefs he had on underneath too. it only took him a matter of seconds to be knelt on your bed, taking place between your legs. he kept himself up, looking down at you as he brought his hands down to run over your thighs.

his hands moved over your skin, up and down slowly as he looked at you. eunseok thought you were perfect like this, all spread out for him. lips swollen, eyes dark, fingers itching to touch him. he liked the way your gaze couldn’t stay on his face, how your eyes sipped down his skin all the way down to where his cock stood ready for you. leaking in pure anticipation of feeling you wrapped around him.

his hands travelled to the insides of your thighs, fingers pressing into your skin as he pushed them further apart. the closer his fingers got to your cunt, the hotter his skin felt. he could feel the warmth coming from beneath the fabric, it made him want to dive straight in - so he did.

with the tips of his fingers brushing over it, he pushed aside the green lace that was covering your slick cunt from him. eunseok could have groaned when he caught sight of you, the way the lip of your pussy followed his finger causing it to part away from the other, your wetness shining under the dull lamp you had on in your room. he brushed his thumb over your clit, feeling the swollen nub twitch under his gentle touch. his mouthed watered, he shivered as he felt a drop of precum slip down the side of his cock. eunseok was more than ready to sink into you and get lost.

he lifted his other hand off of your thigh and brought it to his cock, wrapping it around the base before dragging it to the top and back down again. he struggled to stay focused as he looked at you, but the more pleasure that filled his body, the more he wanted to feel you instead of his hand.

once his hand was resting around his base, he shifted forward. your legs were spread apart and bottom of your lingerie was pushed to the side, the tip of his cock pushed into your slit and pressed against your clit. he took a few seconds to slowly drag himself down towards your entrance, keeping his eyes on you as you squirmed from the sudden stimulation.

he pressed the head of his cock against your welcoming hole, the tip of him barely inching in before you were releasing a deep breath. once he pushed himself deeper, you moaned. eunseok took his time to sink into your heat, something that had consequences on both of you. once the majority of his cock was sunk into you, he pulled back only to push back in right after, the rest of his cock sinking into you in one swift motion.

your back arched as he filled you up, your fingers instantly reaching for the sheets under you as you took all of him. his name fell from you in a shaky whimper before you looked at his face. eunseok was already breathing heavily, his fringe falling into his eyes as he focused on the way your pussy swallowed him hole. you could see the way his chest role heavily with each breath, how his eyes shook as he withdrew himself before pushing back into you. both of you were entering a world of complete and utter pleasure, somewhere only you two were allowed.

both of eunseok's hands found themselves back on your thighs, he looked up at your face before his grip tightened and he pulled you closer to him, the sudden rough movement caused him to sink deeply into your heat immediately, it was something that led to you crying out loudly without meaning too. eunseok simply laughed, finding your sudden reaction to be endearing. he wanted more of it.

eunseok could barely pay attention to the lace that was dragging against the side of his cock with each deep thrust into you. your soaked cunt done nothing but eagerly welcome him and your walls simply squeezed him in the most delicious way possible, a slow pace was not on the cards for your current situation.

that's why his hips bucked against you in the way that they did, his cock pressing deep into you with each smooth thrust. he was taken over by the whines that were leaving you, they sounded just as sweet as your cunt did as it cried out it's tears from how he was fucking you. the wet, squelching filling his ears. he loved every second of it, being able to hear your body cry out about how good it was feeling. it made him feel on top of the world - and incredibly turned on.

he let out a groan as he let go of your thighs so he could lean over you, his forearm took place beside your head on your pillow whilst his other hand grabbed one of yours, pressing it down beside your head. he let your fingers intertwine together, lacing through one another as he thrusted into you again.

there was a ambience in the air, intimacy filling the space around your bodies despite the somewhat harsh way he was fucking himself into you. the deep thrusts held a contrast to the way he had his hand in yours, even more so with the way he looked down at you. you almost believed he had something to say to you, but his words got caught with a deep throated moan replacing them.

eunseok gulped before he leaned his forehead against your shoulder, his breath falling over your skin as he fucked you. his thrusts seemingly growing quicker in pace as he squeezed your hand and the sheets beside you. your free hand went straight to his hair, your fingers getting lost in the strands as you wrapped your legs around his waist. eunseok moaned again, neither of you seemed to care too much about not being vocal, your room being filled with intense heavy breathing and your moans clashing together.

the longer he fucked you, the less you could hold it in. you could feel yourself falling apart, your sanity seeping away with each second that passed by. eunseok felt the same, adoring the feeling of being trapped against you, wanting to stay there for as long as he could. sadly though, he could feel a knot forming in his stomach.

eunseok wanted to hold back for you, but he couldn't. the tighter your walls squeezed around him, the more he felt himself lose composure. he couldn't do anything to stop himself from erupting and he feared that you could tell from the way his thrusts grew erratic and slowly became sloppy. his thighs shook under his weight as he felt you pull on his hair and whimper out for him to cum, if you had any more strength then you'd be begging for it, but the way you tightened your legs around his waist told him everything you couldn't verbally let out.

"eunseok please" he heard you whimper, a longer moan left him, he seemed almost animalistic whilst he chased his high. a string of curses slipping from him as his cock continued to press into your walls. the moment his orgasm hit him, it didn't stop. ropes of his cum oozed into you as his thrusts gradually became slowly, he used your cunt to dry himself of any cum he had inside of him. his head fell into the crook of your neck, lips attaching to the skin as he moaned against it, letting you feel everything he had inside of him.

eunseok barely gave himself time to breathe before he was lifting his head. he brought your hand to his lips and kissed the back of it before slowly pulling himself out of you, he was quick to settle himself between your legs once he had removed them from around his waist. he wordlessly push the lace aside once more before attaching his lips to your clit, not bothering to look at you as he closed his eyes and savoured the taste of you two mixed together.

he wanted to make you cum, he wouldn't have felt right if he didn't and he knew this was a sure way to do it. sometimes you wondered if eunseok enjoyed eating you out more than you enjoyed the feeling of it, but he assured you that you feeling good was all he cared about and the sweet taste of you was just a bonus.

he moaned against your clit as he took it into his mouth, your fingers instantly finding their way to its hair as your back arched, almost unable to take the stimulation. he pressed his tongue against your hole, licking up your slit until reaching your clit again, his cum being spread along your pussy due to his actions. none of it bothered him, in the moment eunseok just thought it made everything hotter.

he wrapped his lips around your clit once more, tongue flicking over the bud before he sucked, his eyes still closed as his ears picked up the sound of your whines growing his pitch and his name leaving you repeatedly. he knew you were close, the only way he could soothe you into letting yourself go was to grab one of your hands that was tangled in his hair and hold it in his own once more. he squeezed it, letting his thumb comfort the back of it whilst you dug your nails into his skin.

eunseok hummed against your clit as your legs shook around him, your body squirming uncontrollably as your orgasm took over. you gasped as it hit, eyes squeezing shut with your back arching once more. a wave of heat washed over your body, your blood running hot as eunseok continued his assault on your clit. he didn't stop flicking his tongue over the bud until he was sure you were finished and he knew when that came once you attempted to push his head away.

“do you have any last birthday wishes?” you asked, moonlight coming in through your curtains, the day already basically over.

“i want you” eunseok replied, gaze darker than usual as he picked up his napkin to clean his mouth, both of you finally finished with your dinners.

you got up, holding his hand softly and bringing him with you, guiding your boyfriend to your shared bedroom, where he found the space smelling nice, a different perfume penetrating it, candles spread out and leaving it dim-lighted, as a tiny letter laid on top of the bed.

eunseok laughed, asking if you hadn’t already given him enough, and you told him to just open it, his final wish coming true if he did — so that was he what he did, walking closer to it and opening the white envelope, finding a single voucher in it, one that read about how, for tonight, his girlfriend was completely his for him to do whatever he wanted, every fantasy of his a possibility. eunseok chuckled, turning to you with a wide grin, his pants slowly growing tighter around his crotch. he wasted no time, jumping on you and kissing you, hands on your waist as he pulled you impossibly closer to him, holding you as if he was scared you’d run away.

“i wanna make love to you, that’s all i want” he mumbled against your lips, his voice deeper and yet sweeter than usual, so you let him, allowing him to lay you on the bed, your clothes quickly being taken off your body just to reveal eunseok’s favorite piece of lingerie covering it, one he once told you when you were window shopping some online store that you’d look perfect in, that he needed to see you in it, but that you at the time ignored, secretly adding it to your cart exactly for this moment. he immediately recognized it, his grin only growing wider, telling you a “you’re so gorgeous angel” in an almost lovesick tone before lowering down to kiss you, his body pressing against yours, spreading your legs open so they’d wrap around his waist, the material of his clothes rough against your naked skin. eunseok took notice of it, of how you whined and pulled at his shirt and belt, so he broke the kiss just to take it all off, leaving only his underwear on, immediately going back to pressing his lips into yours.

he kissed you eagerly, hands dragging up and down your body, the flowy lingerie top feeling good under his fingertips. he eventually broke off the kiss though, a single string of saliva connecting your swollen lips, before pushing you up the bed, laying you in the middle of it and throwing your legs over his bent thighs as he knelt before you, his bulge now significant when only his boxer shorts covered it. eunseok placed his right hand over your inner thigh, his thumb running up your clothed cunt, feeling how wet the material of your panties was, chuckling at it.

“all of this from some kissing?” he teased, his tone light, the reply he got from you something about how he hadn’t been the only one who spent all day thinking of this moment. eunseok didn’t bother taking off any of your underwear, deciding he wanted to fuck you while you wore it, simply pushing the lacy material to the side, stroking his cock through his own underwear before finally pushing it off, giving his length a few pumps after spitting on it before starting to tease your hole, circling it with his flushed tip. you whined, bucking your hips needily, and if usually he would laugh at you for you desperation, tonight eunseok didn’t, giving you what you wanted easily, sliding into you languidly before lowering himself to be right over you, chest pressed against yours and eyes fixated on your own, holding himself up by his elbows, each one situated on either side of your head.

you both moaned when he bottomed out, the feeling of fullness amazing for a few seconds before you were craving more already, circling your hips against your boyfriend’s, biting your lower lip while looking up at him with glistening eyes, silently begging for more.

eunseok started moving in and out of you slowly, each thrust seeming better than the last as he kept a steady pace, rocking into you while letting out spread out moans, sometimes interlocking his lips with yours in a quick peck, the eye contact you shared eventually breaking as he rested his forehead against yours, nose bumping into yours each time he went in for another quick kiss. eunseok sucked on your lips almost lazily, the atmosphere so calm and loving that you couldn’t focus on anything but the man above you, feeling as his body moved into yours, how well his cock felt going in and out of you, how hard you clenched whenever his tip hit that particular soft spot inside you, your moans getting whinier then, more desperate, a hint that you needed more of that — and eunseok knew you, he knew what you liked and what you didn’t, so he pressed his lips against yours once more, this time in a proper kiss, his tongue licking over you bottom lip before going past it, while one of his hands moved downwards, stopping at your middle, his thumb right above your clit as he started toying with it, angling his hips just right so he could constantly hit your sweet spot, finally speeding up his thrusts a bit.

“i want you to cum with me angel, can you do that?” eunseok asked, breaking apart from you for a second, eyes locking with yours. you nodded, whining at how good you felt and whining even louder when he kissed you again, moaning into his mouth as your pleasure built up, eventually that familiar feeling starting to bubble inside you, daring to explode any second.

after your everything shower, you decided to wear an outfit that you knew eunseok loved but hated to see in public. you put on his favourite black thong, along with a skirt that was long enough to not flash anyone but short enough to send him short-circuiting. you knew how much he hated you wearing revealing clothing if he wasn’t around you. you decided to forego the bra and put on a white tee but just so you don’t draw too much attention to yourself, you put on eunseok’s varsity jacket to cover your chest. you wanted to poke the bear but you weren’t gonna get yourself into the deep end of it. your boyfriend was the epitome of a stone. he was calm and collected, with a cold exterior but he had a temper.

upon seeing you waltz into class, eunseok’s face contorted and his eyebrows furrow from your lack of clothing, the skirt way too short for his liking. every self-restraint he had went out the window once he realised everyone else could see you in it. your outfit from the right angles could look appropriate but eunseok knew it was far from it.

you sat a few rows in front of him and hear your phone buzz as your took your seat. just as you expected, you managed to elicit a reaction from your boyfriend. you smirked but decided to ignore his messages.

seokkie <3 : what the fuck are you wearing

seokkie <3 : y/n don’t fucking play with me

seokkie <3 : answer me

seokkie <3 : baby i swear if you’re doing this just to get at me you’re fucking childish 

before eunseok could get up and pull you out of the classroom your professor entered and decided to start the class. just right then a classmate of yours enters the classroom late “sorry prof”.

“mr yang, ever the punctual”. your professor heaves a sigh. “take a seat your classmates aren’t going to wait for you”. the boy scans the classroom and spots the empty seat next to you and starts walking towards you and this was eunseok’s last straw. yang jinho – sleazy fuckboy captain from the lacrosse team. eunseok had a more than just distaste towards him – he absolutely loathed him. jinho has been trying to get with you from the start moment he saw you and always made remarks about how if your boyfriend was not satisfying you, you could always switch equipments and try out his sturdy lacrosse bat. jinho smirks as he sits down next to you. “alone today pretty girl? no guard dog today?” you roll your eyes at his statement. jinho looks behind to see an angry eunseok, then smirks and winks at him to provoke him more.

“class, today’s session is going to be brief. each of you will be paired with the person next to you for the next two weeks and work on a joint report for the topics that i’m about to assign you with. this counts for part of your grade so i expect you to take this seriously.”

no no no no no – eunseok’s brain was malfunctioning. you were not about to be stuck with an idiot who has been dying to get close to you for the past two years.

you were equally panicking at the arrangement but nonetheless decided that this was this was what eunseok deserved but at the same time you know it would tick him off. the additional factor was bound to make him break and he’d have to come to you.

“bro this is so lame,” sungchan, eunseok’s best friend and teammate, groaned next to eunseok, complaining how he’s stuck with him for the next two weeks while tapping on his basketball. eunseok was not listening to any of that but was staring to the back of your head and eyeing every single interaction you had with jinho.

“so looks like you’re stuck with me for two weeks pretty,” jinho smirks before his eyes wander from your face to your chest, zooming in on the outline of your perky nipples. “well aren’t you a feast for the eyes” you shot head towards him to see him looking at your chest, causing you to instantly cover yourself. “shut the fuck up idiot’. jinho chuckled before moving his eyes to your legs. you felt his wandering eyes on you and stood up abruptly, feeling unnecessarily exposed since your outfit choice reached the wrong target audience. “i need to use the bathroom.” you quickly exited the classroom. considering how everyone was engrossed in discussion no one really paid any attention to you leaving.

you felt stupid all of a sudden and just as you were about to start chastising yourself you feel a sharp tug on your wrist and gasped. you turn around to see eunseok, teeth clenched and eyebrows furrowed – he was fuming. it didn’t take long before he guided you to the basketball gym and pushed you into the equipment room – a room you’re familiar with considering you and eunseok had a number of raunchy sexcapades in here. it was big enough to have a table in the middle of the room and secluded enough that no one was going to find you or hear you.

“what the fuck was that,” he says after pushing you. you rolled your eyes, deciding if he wanted to continue being like that, you would too. “what was what?”

he eyes you from head to toe, “you just wanted to piss me off didn’t you”.

you crossed your arms “uh last i checked you pissed me off, eunseok.”

“so what? you’re just gonna run around and slut yourself out to that idiot just because i wouldn’t say sorry? you’re pathetic y/n”. he scoffed. oh now you were mad. “excuse me? so you get to have girls touch your arms and bat their eyelashes at you but as soon as jinho breathes next to me you’re upset? what a fucking hypocrite.” you push him and scoff in return.

he grits his teeth and comes closer to you and grabs a handful of your hand, earning a hiss from you, “i don’t flash my cock to girls like how you’re flashing your tits to him, practically begging him to just take my sloppy seconds.”

you try to push him away again but he moves forward to pin you against the table and kisses you instead. you kiss him back with the same vigour and tangle your fingers in his hair. your tongues fighting for dominance and his hands now wander to your chest to find your hardened nipples.

he lifts your shirt up and immediately attaches his mouth to your nipple, hands toying with the other one. the moment you felt his hot tongue on your nipple you immediately caved and moaned, missing the pleasure that you were denied for the past few days. “nghh fuck seokkie.”

he detaches his mouth and switches to the other nipple, alternating between licking and sucking. he moans into your chest as he begins to lower his other hand to your skirt. he groans as he feels the lack of fabric covering your pussy and ass despite the short skirt. you instinctively move your hips to his hand, craving the touch you couldn’t find in the past few days. he pushes your soaked thong aside to rub your clit, earning few lewd moans from you, each getting louder than before. “ugh fuck seokkie.”

he removes his mouth from your nipples and pushes you backwards so that you’re now lying on the table. he looks down at you with a sinister glare. “you’re leaving this room looking ran through baby i don’t care,” and something about that ignites a fire in your body, not completely opposed to the idea of being fucked hard and rough during lecture hours after your short dry spell. you spread your legs wider, feeling the cold air hit your folds. “want more seokkie.”

he scoffs with a smirk upon hearing your response. you were always spoilt in bed – only because he’s spoiled you throughout your relationship, constantly giving in to you whenever you asked him to. “fucking greedy girl. can’t say no to my princess now can i?”

he inserts his middle finger and ring finger into your pussy, your wetness completely coating his fingers. he fucks you hard and fast with his fingers, the squelching sounds of your folds fill the room. “fuck fuck fuck so good.” your eyes roll back from the sensation as eunseok continues to stare at your state, completely loving how you were submitting yourself to him, and he was no where near done with you. he meant every single word of ruining you. his pace was relentless, with no intention of edging you, in fact he was going to test your boundaries today. “fucking cum on my fingers baby,” and your feel your first orgasm wash over you with ease. “so fucking good seokkie.”

“i’m not even close to being done with you baby, when you leave this room everyone and their mothers are gonna know you’ve just been fucked” he removes his fingers from your pussy and licks every drop. you feel yourself getting wetter at his remark. “want that seokkie, want you to ruin me.” he chuckles darkly at you. “bend over.”

you lift yourself up from the table and do as he says. “lift your skirt up baby.” you lift the pathetic excuse of a skirt up, giving him a glimpse of your puffy wet folds, your thong doing a completely useless job in covering anything. eunseok kneels behind you and latches his lips to your folds, proceeding to eat you out from the back. you feel his tongue swirl around your clit before he sucks on it. his tongue darts back out to tease your folds before move higher to your ass. he spreads your cheeks to eat lick your puckering hole while he puts his index and middle finger into your pussy. 

“nghh fuck yes seokkie you’re so good to me,” your sigh from the pleasure, loving the fact that both your holes were getting the attention. “gotta prep you baby i wanna ruin you but i’m not that mean”

you grind on his face, eager to chase the orgasms you’ve been denied for the past few days. he removes his fingers and inserts his tongue into your folds and starts swirling. you scream and start to tremble from your second orgasm.

eunseok stands up and undoes his belt and pants, pulling it down to bring out his hard and painful cock. he lines his head to your folds, smearing your juices with his tip as he teases your entrance “whose pussy is this baby?” you spread your cheeks for him. “yours daddy”. satisfied with your answer, he inserts his dick into your pussy, bottoming out. “damn right it is.”

he hands find your hips to hold your still and starts thrusting hard and fast. loud pornographic moans and squelching sounds continue to fill the room. he moves one hand to front of your neck to lift you up, his chest now attached to your back. his other hand now completely hugging your front to keep you pinned to him. he grip on you is possessive and hard.

“just had to dress like a slut baby? i know you’re mad at me but you didn’t have to go seek attention from others. you know if you ask i’d give you what you want. you just had to give him a glimpse of what’s mine,” he tightens his jaw and decided to fuck you harder and grips your neck, bicep flexing right next to your face.

“s-slow down s-seok,” you managed to mutter.

“fucking take what i give you,” he growled. he was relentless.

the hand that was hugging you was now moving to your clit. he starts rubbing figure 8s on your clit and you feel your orgasm approaching you quickly. he feels your walls fluttering and trembling against him but he doesn’t stop.

feeling overwhelmed by the sensation, tears start to escape the brim of your eyes. “f-fuck sen-sitive,” you choke out.

“wanna cry baby? do i look like i give a shit? that’s how i want you look like when you go back to see that fucker.” he lets go of your neck and slowly pushes your spine down the table, your face now completely planted on the surface. he looks down to see your plump ass cheeks bouncing from his thrusts and moves his hands to spread them a little more. your asshole comes into view and he manoeuvres his thumb around it. he slowly inserts his finger into your hole and you instantly moan at the sensation. you and eunseok were no stranger to anal play and in fact, you often found yourself enjoying it. only eunseok could make you into a whimpering slut for his touches, ready to spread out any part of yourself for him.

“you like having your holes filled baby?” he coos. “yes yes yes fuck yes,” you were completely fucked out. “want me to stop? want me to slow down? use your big girl words.”

“n-no fuck. harder please daddy.” he continues to fuck you while his thumb stays in your ass, balls slapping your clit. you clench your pussy upon feeling another orgasm creeping up.

“fuck baby i’m gonna cum,” you hear eunseok groan behind you.

“me too daddy,” he laughs at you condescendingly. “such a fucking slut didn’t you have enough already?” of course you didn’t. and who was he kidding? he would always make you cum multiple times until you had to beg him to stop.

“can’t help it daddy feels so good wanna cum.”

“go ahead baby make yourself cum on daddy’s cock,” you bring your fingers down to your clit and start rubbing circles and you feel a bubbling sensation. your next orgasm gushes out uncontrollably, resulting in eunseok taking his cock out to watch you squirt out on the floor. he chuckles victoriously before plunging his cock back into your pussy. with a few more strokes you feel him unload deep into you. “fuuuuck baby.”

he slowly takes out his dick and you whimper from the sensitivity. eunseok stares at your pussy as some of his cum leaks out to the floor. he sits you up on the table so that you can catch your breath. “spread your legs for me baby wanna see.”

your nipples are rock hard, chest heaving, skirt hunched up and your useless thong soaked and pussy throbbing. “fuck look at you, so fucking perfect,” he whips out his phone and takes a picture of your fucked out state. “spread your pussy for me baby.”

your bring your fingers down to form a v-shape, spreading your hole wider and globs of his thick cum drips out as you exhale. he touches your sensitive hole with two fingers, dips in and spreads his cum to your clit, rubbing slow circles “are you gonna change partners baby?” he stares at you in all seriousness. you furrow your brows, thinking that he wasn’t actually going to make a big deal about the project.

“w-what i thought you said-“

“what did you think? that i was gonna let him look at your fucked out state? tch baby you know very well i don’t share you. tell professor park you’re changing partners or you don’t wanna know what i’ll do to that guy” he continues to rub his cum all over your clit and pussy lips. knowing eunseok and his reputation, he had no qualms beating people up and ruining their things, always thinking he can get away with his money and status as the university’s basketball team captain.

“but seok, jinho –“

his fingers still at the mention of his name. his seethes at the way you just uttered another guy's name while being naked under him. you see his jaw clench and pupils dilate. “did i not fuck enough sense into you? you still gonna mention his name?”

he starts stroking his cock. “looks like lacrosse fuckface does need to see who you belong to after all, maybe once he sees your fucked out state he wouldn’t wanna mess with a slut like you.” he stands up and aims his cock at you. his eyes now clouded with a type of anger you've not seen before. he wasn't just possessive over you, he was obsessed. he needed for you to see that nobody else could satisfy you like him, that no one else could replace him, that he was the only person for you. he needed you to need him the way he needs you.

“seok what are you –“

“keeps those legs spread” he comes in fronts of you lining up to your entrance, dips his head into your cum filled pussy only to move it lower to your other hole. you bite your lips and your heart rate picks up.

“ease up baby otherwise it’s gonna hurt” you’ve done anal multiple times and still need time to get used to his size.

he eases his head into your hole and it’s a whole different sensation, much stronger, much more electric than before “fucking love this ass.” your face contorts with pain and slow morphs into pleasure when he rubs your clit to help you ease up. “gonna move now baby,” and you nod.

“fuck so good daddy want more” he grips your thighs and keeps thrusting. “so fucking tight what a perfect slut for me to use”

you’re equally dirty. you lick your fingers and start toying with your nipples, adding to the sensation. one hand then moves to your clit and starts rubbing circles “that’s right baby girl put your fingers in. i know how much you love being filled”

you dip your fingers in and are met with his thick ropes of cum, the more you finger yourself the more his cum oozes out of you, creating a mess to your thighs. your fingers coupled with the sensation in your ass is making it too much. you were about to cum again and he chuckles at your state.

“baby you’re so pathetic you can’t even stop can you?” your eyes well up with tears and shake your head. “want it so bad daddy please”

“not yet baby girl just a bit longer i’m not done with this ass” he continues to thrust into you. he denies you your orgasm by taking your fingers away from your pussy, earning a whine from you.

you could deny all you want, you hated his toxic possessive side but you loved the way your body reacts to him, you loved his touch and if you’re being honest to yourself, you don’t think you’d want to move on from his touches.

he removes his dick from your ass and you whimper at the loss, sound escaping before you can stop it, both your holes now aching from stimulation. your nipples were so sensitive that the fabric from the clothes were too overwhelming. you took off the jacket, t-shirt and skirt, wanting to feel him all over your bare skin. “turn around baby” he says after taking off your soaked thong and pocketing it.  you’re now fully naked on top of the table, holes gaping and sensitive. ‘fucking beautiful’. he slaps your clit.

you quickly stand up and get into position, with how wet you are it’s not gonna take long before you cum. he teases you by putting his head into your asshole to watch it stretch but refusing to put it all the way in, he just knew how to get your to succumb to him.

“fuck daddy fuck me please…”

“whose slut are you?”

“yours daddy!”

“good fucking girl” he says before sinking fully into your tight hole. this position was much more euphoric considering he’s in you much deeper. he positions one of your leg up the table to give himself more room.

“ohhh yes such a fucking tight ass for me to ruin.” you were in cloud nine, the sensation was much better and you feel your pussy leaking even more with how horny you were right now. “i love it i love it i love it” you were so cock drunk and a babbling mess. “fuck daddy you’re so deep.”

“look at you baby you look so fucking pathetic, like a whore,” he chuckled at your state. “even after fucking you and filling your pussy you still want your ass to be filled, fucking greedy bitch.” you moaned out loud.

“just a fucking slut who can’t keep her legs shut because that’s what you’re only good for right? a cock warmer. so so so pretty when you’re getting railed baby. fuck, tell me how much you want it baby girl,” your moans are so incoherent at this point, anything you try to respond just doesn’t come out right. “d-daddy fuck i want it so bad.”

“that’s it be a good girl and take it all up your ass” he spanks you and you screamed. “play with your pussy baby” you move your fingers into your pussy and start fingering yourself. you squirted again and clenched your ass. causing eunseok to cum.

as he slowly unloads him he watches his cum leak out and dribble to your pussy. "my beautiful princess." as you both catch your breaths he kisses you fondly. “don’t ever do that again and piss me off,” you were about to fight back but honestly you couldn’t find the energy to. “i love you so much princess,” he kisses your temple and your cheek. “tell me you love me baby,” he urges. “i love you too seok,” you give him a kiss on the lips.

he passes you your shirt, skirt and his jacket. he helps you put on the jacket and zips up the jacket fully, clearly disapproving any chance of anyone else perceiving your chest. as you smooth out your skirt you bring you hand out to him. “seok, my thong.”

he gives you a wicked smile before shaking his head. “no baby you’re going to go back to that class and that idiot see the cum dripping from your legs.”

you widen your eyes at his statement. you knew eunseok was possessive over you but he has never deliberately asked you do something like this before. heck he would’ve punched any guy who dared to even gaze at you for too long. “are you fucking insane!? give it back to me now.”

he raises his brows at you. “do i look like i’m joking baby? that fucker needs to stop thinking he has a chance with you and you need to stop giving him any signs that he does. so do as i say,” he grabs your jaw and makes you look at him, his eyes tell you he was serious. you take a deep breath and close your eyes. “fine,” you muttered, fearing that any form of argument is just going to set things back to square one. you just somewhat made up without even needing to apologise to him. he smiles, clearly pleased with your answer, “good fucking girl.”

you two finally walk back into class, the place still the same before you left - everyone still discussing the project and your professor was far too busy with some other students at the front. you walk towards your table and see jinho on his phone, clearly uninterested in the project and far too occupied with whatever game was on his phone. you take a seat and start to pack your things since there was only 10 minutes left, and jinho whips his head toward you. you were still sensitive. your nipples still hard and your holes still throbbing from the insane session, resulting in more of his cum to trickle down your legs. this does not go unnoticed by jinho. he looks back to eunseok to see eunseok smirking.

“i see guard dog is working overtime,” he chuckled. you rolled your eyes and clenched your legs. “look, i’m going to do the report. just send whatever you have to me to my email,” you say as you quickly stand up and exit the classroom, glaring at eunseok in the process who only grins at you like he won a prize. if you didn’t love him you would’ve absolutely slapped the soul out of him for finding joy in objectifying you outside of the bedroom.

“bro we’re all set for tonight, taro just texted me he got the goods,” sungchan nudges eunseok with his eyes still glued to the phone. “fuck yeah, it’s about to get lit tonight," sungchan coos.

eunseok’s frat house was hosting another gathering tonight to celebrate the mid-season break and of course everyone was invited. eunseok was fond of the parties but never really had the bone to plan any of it. sungchan took pride in planning the best parties, with shotaro supplying the booze and drugs.

there was no party on campus like a riize kappa sigma party.

---

“finally made up with loverboy?” you hear your friend karina shouting from across the room, hair tangled with rollers and both her hands working on the hair curler. you smiled at yourself in the mirror, putting the finishing touches of your lip gloss, satisfied with your appearance – long bouncy girls and subtle smoky makeup, a leather crop top that accentuates the shape of your chest, a short black skirt to pair with it and straps of your red thong peaking through your skirt, sticking to your hip bones.

“now what makes you say that?” you eye your friend through the mirror. she stares at you, “well for once you’re in a good mood this week.” you rolled your eyes and turned around to face her. “well yeah i guess we made up.”

“you two are like magnets, girl you two wouldn’t last without each other,” she rolls her eyes back at you, although you know she means well.

“well well well ladies looks like the zeta alpha sigma girls are about the outshine everyone else in their parties again,” giselle pops in donning a black co-ord set and knee high boots, rocking her signature rockstar goth chic.

giselle was the first friend you made upon entering university. she was the head strong friend that constantly mothers you and your sorority sisters but with good intentions. in fact, she was eunseok’s childhood friend and the person that introduced you to him. living in high society, their dads were friends and both giselle and eunseok were legacy students at the university. she was the only girl you trust to be around him considering they have about 20 years of friendship between them.

“hurry up rina let’s go!”

---

the riize kappa sigma frat house was in its typical friday night behaviour – loud and bright and filled with people. the three of you had to manoeuvre your way through a bunch of drunk people making out to enter the house. upon enter the house, the smell of weed, alcohol and cigarettes hits your nose and you dart your head around attempting to locate your boyfriend before spotting him on the couch by the beer pong table observing the game in front of him. he's wearing a pair of jeans with a simple tank top and leather jacket over it. one thing about eunseok is no matter how simple his outfit was, his face card made up for it.

your eyes narrow at the sight of girls dressed in far less clothing that were surrounding him and his friends, who were clearly not that interested in playing the game but only doing so that they could bend over to get his attention. you’re thankful your boyfriend seems unfazed by their advances, not even sparing them a glance. you strut your way to him and his eyes lit up with a smile upon you coming into his eyeline. you situate yourself on his lap with your arms locked around his neck. he gives you a kiss before wrapping his arms around your waist, “was waiting for you baby. what took you so long? missed my princess.”

“looking this good takes time babe,” you say as a matter of fact. he scans your clothing and caresses your thigh. “fuck i could take you right here on this chair.”

“oh yeah? and give your little fangirls a show?” you were obviously being sarcastic and he chuckles. “babe do i look like i care about those nobodies?”

“eunseok!” you two dart your heads towards a familiar voice. shotaro walks towards the two of you with a smile and then opens his fist, two seemingly innocent looking pills on offer. “you’re gonna wanna try these. it kicks in fast.” eunseok pops one of them into his mouth and swallows them before sticking his tongue out again to put the other on his tongue, nudging you to take it. you move to straddle him and his hands find your ass to hold you in place. you lean in to kiss him, taking the pill for yourself and swallowing it.  the two of you continue to make out, completely ignoring the unimpressed faces of the girls behind you who seemingly thought they stood a chance with him. you feel him hardening under you and you start to grind onto him. he groans at the contact and steadies your pace with his hands on your hips.

you pulled away to catch your breath. you stare at his glossy eyes, and swollen lips, his lips now stained with a shade of red due to your lip gloss. both your pupils are now completely dilated and senses completely heightened. damn where did taro find these pills. his thumb grazes the outline of your nipples against your top, eliciting a whimper out of you. “fuck baby wanna fuck you right now,” he stands up and guides you to his room and locks the door before throwing you on the bed. he unbuttons his jeans and whips out his cock, giving his a few strokes. “suck it baby,” he commands you and you’re now on all fours, take his cock into your mouth, eagerly licking and sucking it. his fingers thread through your perfect blowout and groans from the pleasure. you gag from the size of his cock, his tip hitting the back of your throat. you release his cock to take a breath before he sits down, urging you to sit on him.

“ride me baby,” he shifts your thong to the side and you sink down on him, loving the stretch. “fuck so big seokkie.” he pulls down the straps of your top to reveal your perky breasts, tongue swirling around your nipples and leaving some marks in the process.

“my perfect little slut, so fucking good f’me princess.” he was so fucking high and possessed. his hands was all over you, groping you and kneading your flesh. the effects of the pill slowly clouded your senses and you felt euphoric. your fingers move to his hair and your start tugging on his locks. “who owns you baby?” he spanks your ass.

“fuck! you do daddy!” you were completely lost in it. “fuck i’m gonna cum daddy!” he starts pistoning his hips upwards and that sends you into a waves of heat in your core. “fuck me too baby, gonna cum gonna cum gonna cum,” with one last thrust he releases his load into you. "fuck i love you so much baby," he kisses you. "i love you too seok."

the two of you stay like this for a minute before you hop off and adjust your clothes and makeup. “i’m gonna quickly go grab a drink babe,” you mention to him before heading downstairs. “i’ll be with you in a sec.” he says as he catches his breath.

you head down to the kitchen through a sea of people and grab yourself vodka cherry. as you try to make your make your way back you bumped into someone. you were about to apologise before you lift your head up and saw that it was jinho.

“oh, you,” you snickered.

“easy sweetheart,” he dusts himself and chuckles before eyeing your appearance, spotting a few marks on the top of your chest. “damn your guard dog never stops, must be lucky to get his dick wet everyday,” upon hearing this – and you blame the drugs in your system – you decided to splash the vodka on his face. "fucking bitch." jinho, clearly displeased with your gesture, lunges forward in an attempt to grab you but before he could do that he's pulled back by eunseok who drops a nasty punch to his face. seemingly still possessed by the effects of the pill, he doesn’t stop, giving jinho no time to even react. he pushes him onto the floor and crouches down to grab his collar, causing the crowd to erupt into waves of shock, and starts to drill his knuckles into the side of his face, each punch harder than the last.

your eyes widened, finally realising what was going on. “eunseok! stop! get off!” you try to pull him back but your boyfriend did not give a shit. “how many times –“ by this time, jinho’s face was bleeding. “- do i have to tell you-“ and this time, you were sure he broke his nose. “- to not fucking mess with my girlfriend,” he roars and by this time his frat brothers heeseung and sunghoon enter the kitchen to try to pull him away. it took a bit of tugging and pulling to get him completely off jinho.

sungchan and shotaro barged into the room with giselle and karina after hearing the commotion. “dude what the fuck!?” sungchan remarks at the sight of blood on the kitchen floor. the only sign that jinho was still conscious was the fact that he tried to get up. "shit." giselle and karina were equally horrified by the sight.

shotaro notices a person recording the entire ordeal and snatches the phone away and tosses it into the mixer jug. he scans the room and notices everyone else was in a daze and no one else had their phones on. this was not his first rodeo.

“everyone leave and go home!” sungchan shouts to the people at the party. “now!” everyone begins to scramble and leave. giselle and karina quickly walk toward you to hug you and pull you away. you were crying by now, shocked at what your boyfriend just did. sure, he has thrown a couple of punches before but you have never seen him go this hard, not to a point where the person he punched looks like he was half past dead. eunseok looks at you and sees your tearful eyes gazing back at him with fear. his eyes soften and before he could get up and go to you, to tell you he did what he did to protect you, giselle tugs you away and you follow her. “let’s go babe, let the boys deal with this first." eunseok brings his face to his hands, debating whether he fucked things up with you tonight.

“dude what in the fuck did you do?” heeseung eyes eunseok and combs through his hair with his fingers out of frustration. “that fucker had it coming,” he spits out. he gave no shits as to whether jinho was alive and functioning. “shut the fuck up eunseok,” shotaro hisses.

jinho gets up and stumbles his way out of the kitchen and heeseung has to hold eunseok back to prevent him from lunging forward again.

“guys – someone just called the cops,” sunghoon’s voice was laced with panic as the sound of the sirens approach the frat house.

“fuckkkkkkk,” sungchan groans.

---

eunseok, sungchan, sunghoon, shotaro, heeseung and other members of the frat house stood in a line, head bowed down and quiet. in a corner, they hear coach kim, their basketball coach, mumbling something to the police officers. this had been going on for the past 20 minutes. a couple of sighs and apologies were heard and in return a few stern warnings were seemingly relayed. the police officers then entered their cars and left. after leaving, coach park turns around his jaw is clenched. he walks towards the boys with his hands on his hips.

“in my 25 years of coaching, do you know how many police officers i had to talk to?” 

“i don't-“ “shut the fuck up park,” he glares at sunghoon who instantly stops talking.

“it’s such a disgrace that my star team,” he says eyeing the five boys, “are fucking hooligans.” he then eyes the rest of the members of the fraternity.

“did anyone else see this happen?” coach kim looks at someone hoping for an answer, hoping that news of this incident doesn't reach further than necessary. “no coach, no one,” shotaro answers, remembering how the only form of evidence was sitting in his mixer jug.

“good,” his face contorts into something similar to relief but still fueled with disappointment. “song, jung, park, osaki, lee, you five can stay and the rest of you can leave,” he says and waits for everyone else to leave. once everyone is out of earshot he glares at the five and notices eunseok’s bloody knuckles.

“not everything here can be fixed with money,” he starts off with a sigh. “i know you boys have had it easy and you think since it’s mid season you can party around without consequences,” no one dared to look up to him. "some of you are here as legacy or some other types of privileged backgrounds but the point is, all of you need to fucking wake up and realise daddy's money can't bring you so far if you don't have the right attitude." the boys continued to keep their head down.

“but this isn’t about just college basketball or drugs and parties. some of you could’ve gone to jail tonight and the only reason you did not is because that lacrosse boy was also intoxicated with drugs. i had to convince coach sim over the phone to convince the boy to not press charges.”

upon hearing that, eunseok’s expression remained stoic but a part of him was relieved deep down. “with that being said, i do not want to this incident to repeat itself,” the boys slowly start to lift their heads up only for coach kim to drop a bomb on them, “which is why you five will not play in the first three games when the season continues,” this time eunseok furrows his eyebrows and speaks for the first time.

“coach what the fuck?! we play dalton for the first game!” dalton was the team’s main rival, and without the A-team, there was a high possibility the team would lose that game and jeopardise their championship campaign – which also means this would jeopardise their chances of going pro since scouts would undoubtedly show up for the game.

“i said what i said, song,” coach kim turns to eunseok.

“wait no – coach this is not fair,” heeseung interjects.

“what’s unfair is me minding my own business and then getting a phone call in the middle of the night saying that my shooting guard has almost sent the lacrosse captain to see his creator,” he glares at eunseok again who now has his eyes closed with a sigh.

“coach wait, please, not the dalton game, you can suspend us later,” sungchan pleads.

“coach, the scouts,” shotaro adds to it.

“none of you seemed to care about your future when you decided to commit a few crimes tonight,” he chastised. “i said what i said and if you aren’t happy then that’s on you,” he says before leaving. "clean this fucking shit up and i better not be getting more calls," he sighs in disappointment.

all five boys now were angry, frustrated and upset. “dude what the fuck! did you have to beat him up like that?” sungchan pushes eunseok. “what the fuck! he was being a creep and had it coming! if anything, i don’t know what the fuck taro gave me,” he then eyes shotaro who now put his hands up in defence, “everyone had it but no one went apeshit like you,” he fights back.

“man shut the fuck up all of you,” sunghoon groans. “my parents are gonna kill me if they find out about this.”

“shut up sunghoon, all of us are now fucked,” heeseung hisses.

---

you were back at your room, still reeling from the shock of your boyfriend punching the daylights out of jinho. you started to wonder was it the drugs or was it you who caused it, the guilt eating you up from inside. you hear giselle and karina mumbling something on the outside, seemingly alarmed and you walked out to see what the fuss was about. they froze when they saw you.

“what’s going on?” you asked, and you see them look at each other before giselle sighs and look at you. “taro said coach kim came. now him, eunseok, sungchan, sunghoon and heeseung are suspended from the first three games after the mid season break.” your eyes widened at this. sure, eunseok has been through a fair share of trouble but he was never suspended. your jaw instantly hits the floor with this information. “good thing is i don’t think jinho is gonna press charges against eunseok,” karina adds. oddly, that information was not reassuring. suspension and talks of pressing charges at the same night?

and all because of you?

“fuck, eunseok’s dad is gonna explode,” you mutter. it was no secret that eunseok’s dad was a controlling perfectionist, constantly putting pressure on eunseok to excel in his studies and basketball, both of them in a program of their own to make sure he gets scouted. now this? this was gonna send his dad to a fucking frenzy when he finds out.

“hey hey don’t worry about it now, we’ll deal with that when it arises,” giselle comes and hugs you and you instantly sob into her embrace.

you knew what you had to do now.

“i can’t do this, gi,” you look at her. “what are you talking about?” she raises her eyebrows.

“it’s just, eunseok got into that fight because of me,” you hiccuped. “hey it’s not your fault,” karina defends. “i know but each time we fight something always happens and this time it just got way out of hand and i don’t know, i just – “ you took a deep breath. “we can’t – i can’t – i have to let him go, for good.” both the girls’ eyes widened at your remark.

“y/n, babe, i know for a fact eunseok does not blame you for this. if anything it was that fuckface that messed with you, he had it coming for a long time and honestly he should be lucky he only has a broken nose,” giselle attempts to comfort you.

“that’s the thing, gi! broken noses, suspension, talks about charges, the university getting involved! this isn’t just about us anymore! i might just have cost him a future career too!” you shout.

“y/n think about this clearly,” karina says sternly. "don't make hasty decisions let's process this tomorrow."

"you have to know that none of this was your fault," giselle adds on.

you take a deep breath and head back into your room and reach for your phone. you might regret this tomorrow but at this moment, you believed it was the only right thing to do. you loved him so much but you could not shake off the guilt of causing things to get out of hand.

“eunseok, we can’t do this anymore, let’s break up for good this time,” you typed out and hit send and blocked his contact. you knew you were being harsh and irrational since the incident was still so fresh. in fact, you weren’t even sure how this was going to work considering you share mostly the same classes and group of friends.

but at the moment, it felt like the right thing to do amongst every wrong thing that happened.

---

the boys were still arguing outside the house, each of them blaming each other for the unfortunate incident. eunseok walked away to cool himself down and felt his phone buzzed. he reached into his back pocket to see a message from you.

princess: eunseok, we can’t do this anymore, let’s break up for good this time

he closes his eyes and clenches his jaw and throws his phone to the ground. he runs his fingers through his hair and lets out a groan while kicking a few beer bottles in the process. he then decides to go pick his phone up and enter the house. he's clouded with a huge range of emotions from the suspension, on how to face his dad, from his teammates whom he let down and now his precious girlfriend not wanting anything to do with him.

he knows you’re traumatised, you’re scared and you’re upset. and after everything that happened tonight, he wasn’t in the right headspace either. he was gonna give you some space and think about everything tomorrow. he was so sure he was able salvage it when the moment comes.

but unlike every other time you two took a break or broke up, this felt different.

_____________________________________________________________

𝜗𝜚 ࣪˖ ִ𐙚

the night hung thick and damp around your shoulders, the kind of cold that didn’t just bite at the skin but worked its way in deeper, finding the marrow of your bones and making a home there. the city’s usual noise had been dampened by the earlier rain, everything muffled under a sheen of wet asphalt and glistening sidewalks, the neon bleeding out into blurred pools of color across the ground. 

the bar you stumbled into was no better — a low-ceilinged room clogged with bodies and smoke, the air saturated with the heavy sweetness of spilled alcohol and stale sweat. you pushed through it without thinking, the press of strangers brushing against your jacket and catching at your sleeves, the music a low, pulsing throb that vibrated through your shoes, through your teeth, through the hollow places inside your chest.

you told yourself you weren’t looking for him, that you were just here to breathe something other than the silence of your own apartment, but your eyes betrayed you, scanning the crowd with a hunger you tried to smother beneath layers of indifference that had long since worn thin. and there he was, as inevitable as gravity, tucked into a dark corner of the bar like a secret the night itself was keeping, his body draped across the cracked leather booth with a carelessness that made your stomach twist painfully in on itself.

eunseok looked like he had always belonged to places like this, where the light was low and the air was thick enough to drown in. the leather jacket hung open over a thin black shirt, one knee hooked over the other in a sprawl that took up too much space, a cigarette burning between two fingers, the tip flaring and dying in slow, lazy pulses. the smoke curled up around him in soft grey ribbons, painting him in shifting shadows, wrapping him in something dangerous and unshakable. even from across the room, you could see the slow curve of his smirk, the way his head tipped back in a laugh, and worse — the girl beside him, pressed so close their bodies looked sewn together, her hand sliding along the line of his ribs like she had every right to touch him.

your heart thudded once, painfully, a sharp bloom of heat in the frozen hollow of your chest. you stood there too long, drink forgotten in your hand, staring like some desperate, broken thing that didn’t yet know it had been abandoned. he didn’t see you. or maybe he did and decided you weren’t worth the interruption. either way, he didn’t move, didn’t hesitate, didn’t stop the girl when she leaned in closer, her lips brushing the curve of his jaw as he exhaled a lazy cloud of smoke into the air between them.

the room tilted, or maybe it was just your vision fracturing under the weight of it all — the music warping, the voices around you melting into a meaningless roar, the glass slipping from your fingers and crashing to the floor in a burst of sharp noise you barely registered. someone laughed. someone cursed. but no one looked at you. no one saw the way your shoulders hunched in against themselves, the way your fingers dug into the fabric of your coat like you could rip yourself out of your own skin.

you turned blindly, stumbling through the crowd, the heat and press of bodies a sickening thing against your too-sensitive skin. the door loomed ahead, heavy and scratched, and you slammed your shoulder into it harder than necessary just to feel something, anything, the night air crashing into you as you staggered out into the open.

the street outside was slick with rain, the pavement gleaming under the yellow wash of the streetlights, the gutters humming with runoff. you stood there for a moment, swaying slightly, the cold wrapping around you in greedy fingers, trying to find your footing, trying to remember how to breathe. the image of him — the soft dip of his smile, the lazy way he let her touch him — burned behind your eyes like an afterimage, something that no amount of blinking could erase.

you walked without thinking, each step dragging more than the last, the world reduced to the sound of your boots scuffing against wet concrete and the ragged scrape of your breath. the rain had stopped but the air still tasted wet, metallic against your tongue, and the cold settled deeper with every block you passed, working its way into your joints, into the spaces between your ribs, into the small, secret places that still hurt when you thought of him.

the city blurred around you, headlights stretching into long streaks of white and red, neon signs smearing their colors across the windows of shuttered shops. you could have been walking for minutes or hours; it didn’t matter. time had folded in on itself somewhere between the moment you saw him and the moment you turned away, leaving you to drift through it like smoke through a cracked window.

when you finally reached your building, the rusted gate groaned under your hand, the weight of it protesting as you shoved your way inside. the hallway was dark, the single flickering bulb overhead casting more shadow than light, and your key slipped twice before you managed to fit it into the lock. your fingers were clumsy, trembling, your nails biting into your palms when you finally pushed the door open and stumbled inside.

the apartment smelled stale — a mixture of unopened windows, worn fabric, and something fainter, sadder, like dust collecting in forgotten corners. you didn’t bother with the lights. the darkness was easier. the darkness didn’t ask questions. the darkness didn’t demand answers you didn’t have.

you kicked off your boots, letting them thud against the floor, and shrugged out of your coat, leaving it in a crumpled heap by the door. the couch beckoned in the half-light, a sagging thing covered in a threadbare throw you never got around to replacing, and you let yourself collapse onto it without grace, pulling the blanket around your shoulders as if it could shield you from the memory clawing at the back of your throat.

you sat there, curled into yourself, listening to the radiator clank somewhere deep in the walls, the sound of the city a dull throb against the glass. the night stretched out around you, thick and endless, and you sank deeper into it, feeling the weight of everything you couldn’t say, everything you couldn’t fix, pressing down harder with each passing hour. the hunger in your chest was an old thing now, gnawing and insistent, a steady, low ache that refused to be ignored no matter how tightly you wrapped yourself in old blankets and empty promises.

you told yourself you would move eventually, that you would shower, that you would call someone, anyone, that you would claw your way out of this if you just gave it enough time. you told yourself that the sharp, hollow ache behind your ribs would dull if you just stayed very still and waited long enough.

but the hours slipped past, thick and syrupy, and you stayed. the darkness pressed closer, seeping into your skin, filling up the hollow spaces he left behind.

the days that followed bled into each other without edges, without meaning, as if time itself had grown bored of keeping track of you. the sun rose and set behind the curtains you no longer bothered to open, smearing pale light across the floorboards for a few thin hours before retreating again, and you watched it without moving, without speaking, without caring. it was easier this way — easier to let the hours stack on top of each other like brittle bones, easier to sink beneath the weight of them and pretend you had chosen the stillness rather than being trapped inside it.

you lived inside the cocoon of your apartment, wrapped tight in stale air and the faint, musty scent of old fabric and forgotten things. dishes piled in the sink, laundry sagged from the basket onto the floor, unopened mail gathered in an untidy drift against the front door. none of it mattered. nothing demanded your attention loudly enough to break through the thick fog that had settled over your mind, a slow, grey suffocation that made even the simplest tasks — eating, standing, breathing — feel like trying to lift stones with broken fingers.

your phone vibrated sometimes, a brittle buzz against the kitchen counter or the hollow thud of a voicemail dropping like a pebble into a well. friends. family. their concern thin and distant, like voices calling to you across a river you no longer had the strength to cross. the sound made your stomach twist, your skin crawl with guilt you couldn't fully feel anymore. you let the calls ring out, watched the screen blink itself into silence, and eventually even the people who loved you stopped trying to reach you through the darkness you had wrapped around yourself like armor.

sleep was a slippery, unreliable thing. some nights you fell into it without meaning to, dragged under by exhaustion so complete it felt like being smothered. other nights you lay awake for hours, the ceiling blurring into a white, oppressive weight above you, the fabric of the blanket caught between your fingers as you twisted it tighter and tighter, willing yourself to disappear into the cracks of your own body.

you stopped bothering to eat unless the hollow ache of your stomach became unbearable, and even then it was mechanical, thoughtless — a few crackers, a glass of water, whatever you could choke down without tasting it. the act of living became a rote exercise, a grim imitation of habit. you brushed your teeth sometimes. you changed your shirt when the smell of yourself became too sharp to ignore. you moved through the apartment like a ghost haunting the ruins of your own life, tethered by nothing except inertia and the dim, stubborn flicker of hope you couldn't seem to kill.

because somewhere, buried under all the rotting loneliness, under the thick ache of humiliation and loss, was the smallest, cruelest part of you — the part that still believed he might come back.

you hated that part. you hated how it poisoned everything, how it whispered to you in the quietest hours that maybe he missed you too, that maybe he thought of you when he lit a cigarette or caught the scent of rain on concrete. it was easier to despise yourself than it was to uproot the hope entirely, easier to dig your nails into the soft, festering wound of it and keep it alive just long enough to hurt.

the mirror was the worst. sometimes you caught glimpses of yourself — slipping past the darkened glass of the television screen, the gleam of the microwave door — and the reflection startled you like an intruder. pale, sunken, hollow-eyed. a mouth that had forgotten how to smile. shoulders hunched in on themselves like a creature expecting to be struck. you looked like something dragged out of the riverbed, waterlogged and rotting and lost.

the girl he had smiled at in the bar — the easy, thoughtless beauty of her — floated in the back of your mind like a poison cloud. you replayed the curve of her smile, the casual way she touched him, the way he let her, over and over until it blurred into something sticky and sick inside your chest. you imagined the sound of his laughter against her throat, the way he would have smelled of smoke and cold air and skin, and it made your stomach twist with something too big, too ugly to name.

you sank deeper into yourself each day, curling tighter, folding smaller, trying to will yourself invisible from the inside out. the apartment shrank around you, the walls leaning closer, the air growing heavier, and the silence between the radiator clanks and passing sirens stretched longer and longer until you could barely hear your own heartbeat under the crushing weight of it.

it was in that thick, endless silence — after how many days you couldn’t say — that the knock came.

soft at first. almost tentative. the kind of sound you could have imagined, might have imagined, if your mind hadn’t already been so frayed at the edges. you froze where you sat curled in the corner of the couch, the blanket pulled up to your chin, your breath halting in your chest like a deer catching the scent of smoke.

the knock came again. louder. more certain.

your heart started to thud painfully against your ribs, slow and heavy and thick, as if your body had forgotten how to react to anything but dread. your fingers fumbled at the edge of the blanket, nails catching on the fraying threads as you tried to force your limbs to move, to obey, to do anything except sit there and drown in the flood of fear and stupid, aching hope that rose up, choking and sudden.

you stumbled to your feet, the room tilting slightly around you, your bare toes curling against the cold floor as you crept toward the door. your mind spun uselessly, conjuring faces — a neighbor, a delivery left by mistake, a final, desperate intervention from someone who still remembered you existed — but beneath all the frantic possibilities, one name pulsed steady and sick in your blood.

eunseok.

you reached the door with trembling hands, pressing your palm flat against the worn wood, feeling the coolness of it seep into your skin. for a moment you just stood there, forehead leaning against the doorframe, your breath fogging faintly against the surface, gathering yourself — or maybe praying.

the door swung open on a gust of cold air that slipped under your skin and raised goosebumps along your arms, but it wasn’t the chill that rooted you to the spot, breath caught somewhere between your lungs and your throat, your fingers clenching helplessly at the fabric of your shirt. it was him.

eunseok stood framed in the doorway like something summoned, a dream stitched together from all the most desperate, broken parts of you.  like some impossible, beautiful apparition conjured from the depths of your loneliness, something too good, too needed to be real. 

his hair — dark as spilled ink and still damp from the night — fell across his forehead in messy strands that framed the sharp, devastating angles of his face. his skin, that impossibly golden flush he carried even in the harshest light, seemed to catch and hold the faint glow spilling from the hallway, casting him in something almost ethereal, almost cruelly beautiful.

he wore a plain white tee that clung to the shape of him, the soft stretch of it pulling tight across the breadth of his chest and the slope of his shoulders, the fabric thin enough that it left little to the imagination. the faint gleam of a silver chain caught the light at his collarbone, a delicate star dangling there, sharp and small and almost mocking in its simplicity. grey joggers rode low on his hips, casual and careless, and yet he stood there like a king, like he owned the ground beneath your feet, like the mere act of breathing in the same space as him was something you should fall to your knees for.

the faint scent of him wrapped around you almost immediately — cigarette smoke clinging stubbornly to the soft cotton of his shirt, undercut by the sharper bite of something clean, something metallic and cold like rain on concrete. it filled your nose, your mouth, your lungs, made your fingers twitch with the sudden, terrible urge to reach out and touch, to confirm he was real, that you hadn’t simply conjured him out of the fevered dreams that had plagued you for nights on end.

he smirked when he caught the look on your face — that soft, devastating curve of his mouth that always felt like it stripped you bare, left you shivering and skinless under his gaze. he leaned his broad frame casually against the doorframe, arms loose at his sides, as if he wasn’t aware — or perhaps very aware — of the way he dwarfed the space, of the way you shrank in on yourself instinctively, heart hammering against your ribs with the violence of a trapped thing.

“miss me?” he asked, voice low and rough around the edges, threaded through with amusement so light it stung worse than cruelty.

you opened your mouth, but no words came out, only a thin, shaky exhale that seemed to amuse him even more. his gaze dragged over you slowly, unhurried, drinking in the wreckage he had left behind — the way your hair hung limp around your face, the way the sleeves of your sweater swallowed your trembling hands, the way you looked at him like he was the last real thing in a world that had already turned its back on you.

the relief burning too sharp, too sudden, and all you could do was nod, small and desperate and breaking apart at the seams with it. the weight of him, the sheer reality of him standing here in your doorway, was almost too much to bear. you blinked hard, trying to steady yourself, trying to breathe around the wild, frantic way your heart leapt in your chest.

“you look like hell,” he said, but there was no real malice in it, only a kind of lazy fondness that made the shame bloom hot and fast beneath your skin. 

he moved with the same easy arrogance you remembered — slow and sure, as if he was giving you the illusion of choice while knowing exactly how this night would end. he brushed past you, the heat of him scalding where it grazed your arm, and your knees nearly buckled with the effort of not reaching out, of not grabbing onto him like a drowning thing reaching for the first piece of driftwood it could find.

the door clicked shut behind him with a soft finality that echoed through the silence like a gunshot.

he took two steps into the apartment, surveying the dark, cluttered space with a mild disinterest that made your stomach twist into knots. he pulled a crumpled pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his joggers, tapping one out with the kind of careless efficiency that made your stomach flutter. you watched, helpless, as he placed the filter between his lips, the movement so practiced, so intimate, you almost felt like you were intruding on something sacred. the soft rasp of the lighter flared between his fingers, casting his face in a brief halo of orange light, and he inhaled slow and deep, the hollow of his throat bobbing as he drew the smoke into his lungs.

when he exhaled, the smoke curled lazily from his mouth, painting the air between you in soft, shapeless ribbons. the smell of it — warm, bitter, familiar — wrapped around you like a tether, and you breathed it in without thinking, letting it fill the hollow spaces inside your chest where your heart had been wearing thin.

he looked at you through the drifting smoke, his eyes sharp and steady, pinning you in place more thoroughly than hands ever could, and for a moment, you simply stood there, trapped beneath the weight of his gaze, the world outside shrinking down to the handful of inches between you.

he smiled, slow and indulgent, like he was proud of you, like he knew exactly how close you were to crumbling at his feet. “weren’t expecting me, huh?” he said, voice curling low and thick through the smoky air, and you shook your head, helpless to do anything else.

your heart beat wild and frantic against your ribs, your fingers twitching with the urge to reach out, to touch, to anchor yourself to him the way you had once without thinking. your whole body ached to close the distance, to sink into him and never find your way out again.

he didn’t need to ask you to move — he never did. one slight tilt of his chin toward the couch, one flicker of his eyes, and you obeyed, your feet carrying you across the room like you had been waiting your whole life for the chance to follow.

the couch sagged slightly under your weight as you perched on the edge, your hands curling into the fraying fabric of your sleeves as you tried — and failed — to steady the trembling in your limbs. the distance between you was too small, too charged, the air heavy with smoke and longing, and you could feel every beat of your heart like a drum pounding in your throat.

he stayed standing for a moment longer, watching you, savoring you, then finally lowered himself onto the couch beside you with a lazy grace that made the cushions dip and your whole body tip subtly toward him, like gravity had shifted just to pull you closer.

the smoke still curled from the cigarette balanced between his fingers, the ember pulsing faintly with each slow, deliberate drag he took, and you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the way his lips wrapped around the filter, the way his chest rose and fell with the breath of it.

he exhaled again, the smoke drifting across your face, filling your senses, and when his free hand brushed lightly against the side of your neck — a barely-there touch, so soft it could have been accidental — you flinched, not from fear, but from the sheer, overwhelming relief of it.

he hummed low in his throat, amused by your reaction, and you leaned into the ghost of his touch without thinking, your body betraying you before your mind could catch up.

“relax,” he murmured, his voice a thread of warmth weaving itself into your bloodstream, and this time, you did. you sagged into the couch, into the space beside him, into the aching, all-consuming need you had no interest in fighting.

the silence between you stretched, thick and heavy, wrapped in the faint haze of cigarette smoke and something heavier still — the weight of everything unsaid, the slow burn of everything you had tried so hard to swallow and forget. the couch sagged beneath both your bodies, the inches of worn fabric between you charged like a live wire, thrumming with tension you could feel in the marrow of your bones.

he tapped the ash from his cigarette into a chipped glass tray on the table beside him that you had bought only for him, his movements slow, unbothered, the smoldering tip flaring briefly before dying down again. the smoke curled from his fingers in lazy spirals, catching in the dim light and drawing your eyes to the long, elegant line of his wrist, the tendons shifting beneath golden skin with every small flicker of movement. you were staring, you knew you were, but you couldn’t stop — couldn’t do anything except breathe him in, memorize him, stitch him into the frayed edges of yourself like a patch over something too broken to heal.

he tilted his head slightly, dark hair falling into his eyes, and the slow, almost absent way he watched you — like you were something fragile and beautiful and entirely his — made your pulse stutter painfully in your throat.

you shifted on the couch, trying to find space to breathe in a room that had suddenly shrunk to the shape of him, your knees brushing against his. the contact was barely there, a whisper, but it sent a shiver up your spine, a tight pull low in your stomach that made your whole body ache. you hated how easy it was — how natural it felt to lean closer, to fold yourself smaller, to make room for him even when there was no room left for you.

he smiled then, slow and lazy, and the heat of it washed over you like sunlight after a long winter, thawing the frozen parts of you you hadn’t even realized were dying.

“you’re quiet,” he said, voice low and smooth, each word dropping into the space between you like a stone into deep water, sending ripples through the heavy stillness.

you opened your mouth, but the words stuck, clumsy and broken, somewhere behind your ribs. you shook your head instead, a small, helpless gesture, and his smile deepened, something fond and a little triumphant glinting in his eyes.

he leaned forward, elbows resting casually on his knees, bringing himself even closer, and the heat of him hit you full-force — warm skin, sharp smoke, the faint clean salt of his sweat. your lungs tightened around it, your whole body locking into place like a bird trapped in the slow closing of a hunter’s hand.

he reached out then, fingers brushing under your chin, lifting it gently, and you followed the motion without resistance, your heart hammering so loudly you were sure he could hear it. his touch was deceptively light, almost reverent, but there was no mistaking the command in it — the way he guided you without words, without force, just the steady, unshakable pull of him.

his thumb traced the edge of your jaw, slow and deliberate, and the burn of it lingered long after his hand dropped away.

he leaned back slightly, studying you like he was memorizing the tilt of your mouth, the wideness of your eyes, the way you trembled just sitting there under the weight of his attention. his gaze dragged over you, heavy and slow, and you felt yourself unfold under it, the walls you had spent so long building cracking and giving way with terrifying, beautiful ease.

he brought the cigarette to his mouth again, the silver chain around his neck catching the low light with the movement, and when he exhaled, the smoke drifted across your face, warm and bitter and dizzying. you closed your eyes for a moment, breathing it in like a blessing, like a benediction.

when you opened them again, he was watching you with something dangerously close to tenderness.

“missed me that much, huh?” he murmured, and there was no cruelty in it, only a soft, almost amused wonder, as if he still couldn’t quite believe how deeply you had unraveled without him.

you didn’t trust your voice, didn’t trust yourself not to break entirely if you tried to speak, so you nodded — small, ashamed, desperate. the confession lived in every inch of your body, humming under your skin, bleeding out into the space between you: yes.

he laughed then, low and quiet, the sound sliding under your skin like velvet and knives, and you shivered, leaning toward him without meaning to, without even thinking.

he stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray with a casual flick of his fingers, the faint hiss of it snuffed out in an instant, and then his hand was on your thigh — casual, warm, heavy — grounding you, branding you.

the couch felt smaller by the second, the air thicker, like the room itself had curled inward to cradle the two of you in its heavy, breathless hush. the only light came from the streetlamp bleeding dimly through the blinds, striping eunseok's skin in gold and shadow, catching on the silver chain at his throat, casting the soft glint of the star against his chest every time he shifted. he still smelled like smoke and rain, but under it was something warmer now, something almost dizzyingly human — the low, steady beat of his existence, so close, so tangible, you thought you might drown just breathing him in.

his hand never left your thigh, lazy and steady, thumb tracing slow circles like he could calm the frantic racing of your heart with that alone. your body betrayed you at every turn, leaning into the weight of him, your breath growing shallower, your knees inching closer to his with every pulsebeat.

you watched him through your lashes, your heart a slow, sick thud against your ribs. he looked devastating in the dim light, his hair curling slightly at the ends from the humidity, his shirt stretched tight across his chest, the silver star at his throat catching the faintest gleam every time he shifted.

you twisted the hem of your sweater tighter in your hands, the frayed fabric digging rough against your fingertips, your gaze pinned helplessly to the faint shadows shifting across the floor as eunseok leaned back further into the couch, one arm slung casually across the back of it, the other draped over your thigh, his whole body radiating the kind of effortless calm that you could never seem to find in yourself, not even when he was near, not even when he made it look so easy.

your heart stuttered painfully against your ribs, a wild, uneven rhythm that felt entirely too loud inside the hush of the apartment, and you could feel the question crawling up the back of your throat like a splinter, sharp and relentless, impossible to ignore. you didn’t want to ask — you didn’t want to disturb the fragile peace that had settled around you like a too-thin blanket against a freezing night — but the loneliness that had built up in his absence, the hollow, echoing ache that had gnawed at you night after night while you waited and waited and waited for him to come back, had worn you too thin to hold it in any longer.

you swallowed hard, the movement tight and painful, and still, you hesitated, your fingers tightening around the fabric until your knuckles ached, until you could barely feel the tips of them, as if the small, ridiculous pain could anchor you, steady you enough to survive whatever would happen next. you could feel his gaze on you even without looking — heavy and knowing and unbearably warm — and you hated yourself for how much you craved it, how much you needed him to keep seeing you, to keep choosing you, even after everything, even if you didn’t deserve it.

the words trembled on the tip of your tongue for what felt like an eternity before you forced them out, your voice smaller than you intended, cracking slightly at the edges despite your best efforts.

“you’ve... been gone a long time.”

the confession slipped into the heavy air between you like a stone sinking into deep water, and immediately you wished you could reach out and pluck it back, wished you could laugh it off, wished you could swallow it down and pretend you were stronger than this, less desperate, less hollow without him.

but it was too late.

the silence after your words was deafening, stretching longer and longer until you could feel it scraping against your skin like sandpaper, raw and bruising. you dared a glance at him, heart lodged somewhere between your ribs and your throat, and found his gaze already locked on yours, steady and unreadable, the corner of his mouth curled into a lazy almost-smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

he didn’t answer — not right away, not in words — and the weight of his silence pressed harder against your chest, thick and suffocating, until your fingers fumbled at the hem of your sweater again, a frantic, useless gesture, your eyes dropping helplessly back to your lap as if you could hide there, as if you could shield yourself from the slow, inevitable disappointment blooming cold and ugly beneath your ribs.

eunseok shifted slightly, the couch creaking under his weight, and for a brief, foolish moment, you thought he might reach for you, might pull you into his arms and tell you something — anything — to ease the hollow ache yawning wider inside your chest. but he only adjusted his position, stretching out more comfortably, draping himself along the back of the couch like he owned it, like he owned you, the soft glint of the star at his throat flashing briefly in the dim light as he tipped his head back against the cushion.

"what does it matter?" he said at last, his voice low and unbothered, threading through the thick, stifling air with a lazy ease that made your throat close around the lump of hurt rising fast and sharp.

“i’m here now, aren’t i?”

you nodded, too quickly, too eagerly, swallowing past the sting in your throat, blinking hard against the hot prickle of tears that threatened to humiliate you further. of course it didn’t matter. of course you had no right to ask. he was here now. that was what mattered. that had to be enough. you told yourself it was enough even as something deep and trembling inside you whispered that you would have accepted so much less just for the chance to stay tethered to him.

he let his gaze linger on you a moment longer, studying you with that same steady, heavy warmth that made your heart stutter painfully against your ribs, then he shifted closer again, closing the already too-small distance between you with a slow, lazy inevitability that made the air between you crackle and tighten.

his hand found your jaw, tilting your face up toward his with two fingers under your chin, and when your eyes met his — dark and deep and filled with something that looked enough like tenderness to break you wide open — the last fragile pieces of your resistance crumbled into dust.

"you're thinking too much," he murmured, thumb brushing lightly across your cheekbone, and the words melted into your skin, soothing the raw, exposed ache there until you weren’t sure where the pain ended and the comfort began.

"you know i hate when you get into your head like that. just stay with me. here. in this moment."

his hand slid from your jaw to the nape of your neck, pulling you forward with the kind of slow, inescapable gravity you had never been strong enough to resist, and when his mouth met yours again — slow and deep and devastating — you let yourself fall into it with a broken, breathless relief.

"lost your mind without me around, huh?"

the words slid through the thick air between you, unhurried and devastating, not a tease, not a taunt, but something far more dangerous — a murmur, a knowing, a tether tied invisibly around your throat. you nodded without lifting your head, the movement small and pathetic, your face burning hot with the shame of how easily he unraveled you, how little it took, and when he chuckled — low and indulgent, the sound brushing over your skin like the warm stroke of silk drawn over a wound — you felt the last of your breath catch uselessly in your lungs.

he shifted his hand higher, leaving a slow, scorching trail in his wake, fingers skimming up the curve of your waist, the heat of his palm bleeding through the thin barrier of your sweater until it felt like your skin might blister under the slow, inevitable drag of his touch. your hands, clumsy and trembling, fisted tighter in the worn fabric pooled in your lap, the last pitiful remnants of your self-control slipping like water between your fingers, every part of you screaming to crawl into the warmth of him, to press yourself so close that the sharp, gnawing loneliness he had left behind would finally, finally be smothered out.

he leaned down then, the ghost of his breath fanning across your ear, and when his mouth brushed against the delicate shell of it, a violent shiver tore through you, rattling your bones, betraying everything you were too proud to say.

"bet you kept the bed cold without me," he whispered, the words thrumming low and rich in the space between your bodies, threaded through with lazy amusement, and you squeezed your eyes shut, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip to keep the sound lodged in your throat from escaping, from giving him more than he already had.

you had. you had curled yourself around a pillow night after night, clutching it with bruising force, inhaling the fading scent of detergent and dust and everything that was not him, pretending, lying to yourself that you weren’t freezing from the inside out, that the hollow ache burrowed deep inside your ribs was something you could sleep through, survive, erase.

you nodded again — smaller this time, more broken — and he laughed under his breath, a soft, almost fond sound, as if your ruin was something beautiful to him, something he treasured. he dragged the tip of his nose along the line of your jaw, a featherlight touch that barely registered except for the way it sent molten heat spilling through every nerve ending, searing a path through your veins so complete it left you dizzy.

"your head’s too full," he said, voice low and rough with amusement, the faintest curl of a smile in the shape of his mouth as he leaned in, dragging his nose along the line of your jaw, breathing you in like he had all the time in the world to dismantle you piece by trembling piece. 

"always worrying. always thinking too much."

he tilted your face toward him with two fingers beneath your chin, the pressure gentle but commanding, offering no choice but to follow, to yield, to surrender. when your eyes met his — those dark, endless eyes that had seen every broken part of you and claimed them without hesitation — everything else, every question, every fracture splintering inside your chest, every lingering thread of doubt, disintegrated into ash.

there was nothing left now but him — the unbearable weight of his gaze tethering you in place, the searing heat of his body folding around you, the slow, relentless pull of him drawing you deeper under, down, down into the dark waters of him where you could finally be quiet, finally be still.

"let me fix it for you," he murmured against your throat, his breath hot and damp against your racing pulse, and you shivered, folding into him without hesitation, letting him pull you against him, letting him press you down until you could feel every slow, deliberate thud of his heartbeat against your body like a brand as he pulled you in for a kiss.

his mouth moved against yours with a kind of slow, merciless precision, drawing you deeper with every breath, every tilt of his head, every lazy drag of his fingers against your skin. the kiss wasn’t frantic or desperate — no, that would have implied urgency, panic, the chance of slipping through each other's fingers — but with eunseok, there was never the threat of leaving. he didn’t need to hold you tighter or kiss you harder to keep you here; he simply existed, steady and unshakable, and you crumbled naturally into the gravitational pull he exerted without effort, your heart bruising itself against the walls of your chest with every desperate beat, trying to keep up with the reality of him, the impossibility of him, the inevitability of him.

he coaxed you closer, deeper, his hand sliding from your throat to the curve of your waist, fitting you against him like you had been shaped solely for this purpose, his fingers pressing through the thin fabric of your sweater, branding their heat into your ribs, your hips, the low, aching hollow of your back. you let him guide you — you would have let him do anything — your body weightless against his, your mind blurring out into a haze of sensation and surrender, the taste of him thick on your tongue, the smell of smoke and sweat and rain soaking into your lungs until you couldn’t tell where he ended and you began.

when he finally pulled back, he didn’t move far; he stayed close enough that you could feel the soft exhale of his breath brushing your cheeks, the curve of his smirk ghosting against your jaw. his eyes, dark and molten in the low light, traced your face like he was reading something there that even you couldn’t see, something he had written into you long ago when he first placed his hands on your breaking pieces and decided he would be the one to rearrange them as he pleased.

you stared up at him, dazed and desperate, your fingers curling into the soft cotton of his t-shirt like you could anchor yourself there, like holding onto him would keep the rest of the world from falling away. the silence between you was a living thing, pulsing with every skipped heartbeat, every shaky breath you took, and you clung to it, clung to him, because it was better than the vast, gnawing emptiness that waited for you when he wasn’t here.

he brushed his knuckles lazily along your jaw again, a featherlight touch that made your heart stutter, and the look he gave you was almost soft, almost tender, but you knew better by now — you knew it was a softness that demanded obedience, a tenderness that existed only as long as you bent yourself to it without question.

the bitter taste of his absence still clung to the back of your throat, the memory of empty nights and unanswered calls, the gnawing fear that he had found someone else, someone easier, someone newer, but when he touched you like this — when he looked at you like you were the only thing in the room that mattered — all of that ugliness sank back into the pit of your stomach where it belonged, swallowed down by the simple, brutal need to stay close enough to him that you could keep breathing.

he knew it too — could see it in the way you leaned into every touch, every glance, could feel it in the tremble of your hands, the stutter of your breath — and he smiled, slow and satisfied.

his hands found you everywhere at once, rough and certain, sliding up the delicate curve of your back, tracing the trembling line of your ribs, dragging along the sensitive dip of your waist until your body felt feverish under the weight of his touch, your skin prickling and shivering as though it didn’t know whether to flee or melt entirely into him. he mapped you slowly, deliberately, pulling desperate sounds from your lips with nothing more than the press of his thumbs into your hips, the drag of his mouth against the fluttering, frantic pulse in your throat, the rough, possessive way his fingers curled into the flesh of your thighs to guide you exactly where he wanted you.

and you followed without hesitation, without thought, your body moving to the rhythm he set, grinding down against the hard, aching heat of him with slow, broken circles that made the edges of the world soften and blur, until the apartment, the city, the entire universe outside the worn fabric of the couch and the steady, devastating roll of his hips ceased to exist. your vision glazed at the edges, turning hazy and golden under the dim light, and your fingers, clumsy and desperate, clung to his shoulders, dragging blunt nails across the sharp cut of his muscles as you chased something that felt too big, too consuming to name.

the sounds he drew from you — soft, shattered, pleading — only made his hands rougher, his mouth heavier, as if your unraveling fed something inside him, something hungry and cruel and deeply satisfied, something that only bloomed larger the more you broke yourself open across his lap. he kissed you like he was claiming territory, slow and deep and merciless, bruising your mouth with the steady, lazy confidence of someone who knew you had nowhere else to go, nowhere else you wanted to be.

eunseok pulled back, leaving you gasping, a slick strand of spit still connecting your mouths for a split second before it broke and fell against your chin. you shivered. he watched you with a sharp, unblinking gaze, thumb dragging over your bottom lip, smearing the mess he made as if proud of it.

his hands were slow when they touched you — devastatingly slow — dragging over the bare expanse of your body with a reverence that bordered on cruel, tracing every inch of exposed skin as if he had all the time in the world, as if the need clawing its way through you could wait, could be stretched and sharpened until you were trembling on the edge of something unbearable. his fingertips ghosted down the curve of your ribs, the tender slope of your waist, mapping you with lazy precision, each careful pass leaving trails of goosebumps in their wake, and when he finally stopped at the thin, soaked barrier of your panties, it felt less like mercy and more like a promise of just how thoroughly he intended to ruin you.

he lifted his gaze then, dark and heavy, and it struck you harder than the slow drag of his hands ever could — the way he looked at you, pupils blown wide, jaw slack with barely contained hunger, a kind of stunned, possessive awe that stole the breath straight from your lungs and made your thighs clench involuntarily around nothing. he noticed, of course he noticed, and his mouth curved into a slow, devastating smile as he watched the tiny, instinctive roll of your hips, the silent plea you didn’t even know you were making.

"impatient," he said under his breath, the word rolling off his tongue with an almost fond exasperation, as if your desperation was something he found sweet, amusing, utterly expected.

you tried to respond, to form words, but your mouth was dry, your mind fogged beyond reason, reduced to the frantic, thoughtless tilt of your hips, begging without sound, without pride, for him to give you something, anything. he chuckled lowly, the sound vibrating through your skin as he leaned closer, one hand smoothing up your trembling thigh, thumb stroking slow, lazy circles dangerously close to where you needed him most but never quite touching, never quite giving in, drawing your suffering out with a patience that bordered on sadistic.

"fuck," he muttered, voice low and ragged, his eyes dragging shamelessly over you as if he couldn’t decide where to touch first, as if he wanted to devour you whole. with an infuriating gentleness, he hooked a finger around the edge of your panties, dragging them aside with a slow, practiced ease that made your breath catch, baring you to him completely, exposing the soft, glistening mess you had already become for him.

he exhaled sharply through his nose, the sound half disbelief, half triumph, and then his fingers found you, the barest, cruelest stroke down the seam of you, light enough to make your hips jerk helplessly against his hand.

"so wet for me," he whispered, voice thick with something dangerously close to reverence, dragging two fingers through the slick gathering at your core, spreading it with slow, deliberate strokes that made your thighs tremble and your hands scrabble uselessly at the sheets beneath you.

"you don't even know what you do to me."

your hips bucked again, desperate and broken, but he only chuckled, low and sinful, savoring the way you chased his touch, the way you offered yourself up to him without hesitation, without pride, without anything but the raw, consuming need to be filled, to be claimed, to be his.

"needy little thing," he murmured, dragging soft, devastating circles over your clit now, just enough pressure to make you whimper, just enough friction to make your toes curl and your stomach clench, but never enough, never quite what you needed.

"please," you gasped, the word torn from you without thought, without dignity, your voice breaking embarrassingly easy under the slow, patient torture he was inflicting, but you didn’t care — you couldn’t care, not when he was looking at you like that, not when the heat of him was the only thing keeping you tethered to this moment, to this world.

he pressed a slow kiss to the inside of your thigh, right over your racing pulse, the soft scrape of his teeth making your whole body shudder, and when he finally  slipped a finger inside you, the slow, deliberate stretch of it made you gasp, made your back arch helplessly off the mattress, made your nails dig into the worn fabric beneath you.

he groaned under his breath, a low, rough sound of satisfaction as your walls fluttered helplessly around him, and he dropped his forehead to your hipbone like he needed the contact, like it was costing him something to keep from tearing you apart with his mouth, with his hands, with the sheer depth of his hunger for you.

"so good," he rasped, his voice fraying at the edges, rough and thick with want, "always so good for me."

your hands, trembling and clumsy, found their way to his hair, threading through the damp strands, holding on like you were afraid the ground might open beneath you if you let go. you rocked your hips into his hand, chasing the slow, thick pump of his fingers as he worked you open with an agonizing, deliberate patience, coaxing every trembling, gasping plea from your lips without saying a single word.

when he heard the soft, broken whimper that slipped free, he added a second finger, scissoring them gently, curling them deep inside you in slow, devastating strokes that had you crying out, back bowing off the bed as your body clung desperately to the thick, deliberate stretch of him.

he watched you with dark, heavy-lidded eyes, drinking in every twitch, every gasp, every helpless roll of your hips like he was memorizing the sight of you falling apart for him, his free hand smoothing over your stomach, your waist, grounding you even as he unraveled you completely.

"there you go," he murmured, voice thick with satisfaction, lips brushing the trembling skin of your stomach, “stop thinking so much. just feel me.”

he didn’t rush. he didn’t demand. he gave you everything — slow, deep, devastating — dragging his fingers in relentless, rhythmic strokes along the sensitive, swollen spot inside you that had your whole body tightening, your lungs seizing uselessly against the rising pressure coiling low in your stomach. 

“there it is.”

every touch, every curl of his fingers, every whispered murmur against your fevered skin wound you tighter and tighter, until the world around you blurred into a haze of heat and static, the heavy press of his body and the low rasp of his voice the only anchors keeping you from floating apart entirely.

“e-eunseok.”

you could feel it building, feel yourself getting closer to the edge with every slow pump of his hand, every precise roll of his wrist, the tension inside you stretched so taut it felt like it might snap from nothing more than the soft, sinful brush of his breath against your ribs. your fingers dug into his hair, into his shoulders, desperate for something to hold onto as your hips bucked helplessly against him, chasing the unbearable friction, the searing pleasure he fed you in devastating, measured strokes.

“s-so s-so good.”

"that's it, baby," he whispered against your stomach, the words spilling molten into your skin, "you're so close. just let go for me. cum for me baby.”

the sound of his voice, the thick, possessive roughness of it, broke something loose inside you, and when he crooked his fingers just right, dragging them over that devastating spot deep inside you again and again, you came.

your orgasm ripped through you, sudden and violent, your whole body seizing and trembling around him, your head thrown back against the pillows, your mouth falling open in a gasp so raw and wrecked it didn’t even sound human. your vision whited out, your muscles locking and then spasming helplessly as the pleasure crashed over you in heavy, brutal waves, each one stronger than the last, dragging you under until you didn’t know where you ended and he began.

you sobbed his name, broken and breathless, your hips jerking helplessly against his hand, chasing every last pulse of the orgasm that shook you apart at the seams, your body clenching and spasming around his fingers like it didn’t know how to let him go, like it never wanted to.

he groaned low in his chest, the sound reverent and rough, and you could feel the tremble in his hand as he worked you through it, dragging you higher and higher until your whole body was a livewire, nerves sparking and burning under your skin, feebly pushing at his wrist.

he didn’t pull away until your thighs stopped shaking, until your breathing evened out into shallow, broken gasps, until you slumped bonelessly against the mattress, dazed and trembling and utterly wrecked.

only then did he slip his fingers free, slow and careful, dragging them one last time through the mess he had made of you, collecting everything like it was something precious, something he couldn’t bear to waste. he sat back on his heels, his chest heaving, his lips parted slightly as he stared down at you — ruined, beautiful, his — and without breaking eye contact, he brought his fingers to his mouth, sucking them clean with slow, decadent sweeps of his tongue, tasting you with a satisfied hum that made your stomach clench helplessly even through the lingering aftershocks.

you watched him through heavy, half-lidded eyes, your chest still fluttering with the afterglow, your body sinking deeper into the mattress, pliant and weightless, the edges of the world soft and blurred.

your body was still trembling from the aftershocks when you felt his hands again — rough and sure, sliding up your sides with a touch so reverent it made your already oversensitized skin shiver anew, dragging his palms slowly, almost worshipfully, over the curve of your waist, the trembling rise and fall of your ribs. eunseok didn’t speak at first; he simply looked at you, breathing hard, his dark eyes devouring every inch of your wrecked, blissed-out form like he wanted to carve the sight into his memory, to brand it somewhere deep inside himself so he could summon it whenever he needed to remind himself of what he did to you, what you became under his hands.

"so fuckin' pretty when you cum for me," he muttered finally, voice low and rough, more a thought escaping his lips than a confession meant for you, but the words seared into you all the same, making your heart kick painfully against your ribs, making the aftershocks of your orgasm ripple fresh down your spine.

you whimpered softly, reaching for him with trembling arms, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, tugging him closer, needing him, needing more, needing everything he had to give. he answered you without hesitation, stripping you with a slow, deliberate pull, peeling your shirt from your body and tossing it aside without a glance. his own clothes followed — the fabric sliding off broad, golden shoulders that seemed carved from shadow and light — and then there was nothing between you but skin and sweat and the unbearable heat of everything you had yet to give each other.

he pressed against you again, the weight of him delicious and overwhelming, his forehead dropping to yours as he guided himself between your trembling thighs, his cock heavy and thick in his hand as he stroked himself lazily, the head dragging slow and wet against your still-aching folds. the slow drag of it had your whole body jerking, helpless and oversensitive, a soft, wrecked sob escaping your lips before you could even think to swallow it down.

"gonna fuck all the bad thoughts outta that pretty little head of yours," he whispered, his voice so low, so wrecked, that it barely sounded like words at all, more like a prayer breathed directly into your skin.

you bucked your hips instinctively, greedy for him, desperate in a way that felt too big for your body to contain, but he only chuckled against your mouth — low and dark and amused — dragging the leaking head of his cock through your slick, tapping lightly against your clit just to feel the way your body seized and whimpered beneath him, chasing every cruel, careful tease he gave.

"needy baby," he murmured against your lips, smirking against the soft, broken noises you couldn't stop making, "tell me how much you need me pretty.."

your body throbbed with need, your mind reduced to little more than static and desperate, shivering longing, but even so you found the words, dragging them up from somewhere deep and broken inside you, trembling and wrecked and perfect for him.

"please, eunseok," you gasped, voice thin and breathless against the weight of him, "need you so bad, just — please —"

whatever restraint he had been clinging to shattered at the sound of you begging, your voice so raw, so achingly sweet, so completely his. he groaned low in his chest, rough and broken, and then he was moving, strong hands gripping your thighs, pushing you open wider for him, holding you down like he was afraid you might disappear if he didn’t anchor you in place.

he lined himself up with agonizing care, the thick, leaking head of his cock nudging against your entrance, and for a moment he just stayed there, breathing heavy against your mouth, his forehead pressed to yours, his whole body trembling with the effort of not losing control.

and then he pressed in, slow and devastating, inch by inch, stretching you open until you felt impossibly full, until your breath caught sharp in your throat and your nails dug into the broad, muscled span of his shoulders, clinging to him like you might fall apart entirely without something to hold onto.

your moan broke ragged from your lips at the same time as his deep, guttural groan filled the small space between your bodies, his face burying against the curve of your neck like he needed to hide, like it was too much even for him.

"fuck, baby," he hissed, voice tight and strained, trembling with the raw, visceral effort of sinking into you, of holding himself together when everything inside him was begging to let go, to take, to ruin.

your back arched instinctively, offering yourself up to him, wrapping your legs around his waist to drag him deeper, your arms tightening around his neck, nails scraping down the taut muscles of his back as he bottomed out with one slow, deliberate thrust that left you both gasping, shuddering, pressed together like two halves of a broken thing finally made whole.

your body clutched at him helplessly, clenching and fluttering around the thick stretch of him, still so sensitive, so raw, that it made your vision blur and your throat catch on a sob. eunseok cursed under his breath again, low and reverent, the sound bleeding into your skin as he held himself there, shaking with the effort to stay still, to savor the way you gripped him like you never wanted to let him go.

“so full, so full seokie.”

you clung to him without thinking, your arms wrapping around his neck, fingers threading into the dark, damp strands of his hair, your chest pressed tight against his as you chased the friction, the heat, the unbearable sweetness of the slow, grinding pace he set. the silver chain around his neck swung gently with every movement, catching the dim light as it dangled just above your face, glinting with each slow, measured roll of his hips, until the sight of it became hypnotic, the rhythm of it, the slow swing and catch of the small star resting against the hard line of his collarbone, pulling you deeper under his spell.

his bare shoulders flexed beneath your grasp, solid and grounding, and you tightened your grip instinctively, anchoring yourself to him as the world around you dissolved into a soft, indistinct hum, every nerve in your body lighting up under the slow, brutal, beautiful drag of his hands and mouth. he pressed his forehead to yours for a moment, breathing you in, and you could feel the slow, steady thud of his heart where your chests touched, could feel the heat radiating off him in thick, dizzying waves, seeping into your skin until you thought you might never be able to breathe air that wasn’t him again.

the rhythm he set was torturous, deliberate, his hands squeezing your hips with every slow rock of your bodies, pulling soft, broken sounds from you that you couldn’t have contained even if you tried. your vision blurred at the edges, your mind slipping loose from its moorings as the pleasure built, relentless and all-consuming, drowning out everything but the heat of his skin against yours, the rasp of his breath in your ear, the low, rumbling sound he made when you whimpered against his throat.

"that's it," he murmured, voice rough with satisfaction, dragging his mouth along the curve of your jaw, down the trembling line of your throat, "such a good girl. my good girl. just take it."

his words, soft and thick with possession, melted into your skin, seeped down into the raw, trembling core of you, as you nodded frantically, mindless, words dissolving into desperate little noises against his skin, clutching at him with frantic, clawing hands, chasing the release he held just out of reach, begging without even realizing it, every broken sob and trembling gasp a prayer you didn’t know how to form.

you buried your face in the crook of his neck, breathing him in like oxygen, clinging tighter to the hard line of his shoulders, and the low, broken whimper that tore from your throat when he dragged his hands up your spine was so raw, so wrecked, you didn’t even recognize it as your own.

"you feel that, baby?" he rasped, voice fraying at the edges, breaking against the soft, wet sounds of your skin as he continued to thrust into you, over and over again. "feel how good your pussy feels around me? made for me. just for me."

your whole body lit up at the words, the filthy reverence of them searing straight to the hollow ache deep inside you, the place only he could reach, only he had ever been able to fill. the pleasure built fast and brutal under the steady, punishing rhythm he had now set, dragging you closer and closer to the edge with every deep, devastating thrust, until you were nothing but heat and sound and frantic, gasping need, until your hands slipped from his shoulders to his neck, clinging there like a drowning thing, like if you held on tight enough he might pull you free of yourself, of everything.

“cumming, fuck-”

you sobbed something that might have been his name, might have been a plea, but it didn’t matter — not when he was already answering you, giving you another orgasm as he thrust into you deeper, harder, making the world spin, making everything but him fade into nothing.

you gave yourself to him completely — mind, body, soul — because there was no part of you that didn’t belong to him already, no piece he hadn’t claimed, broken, and rebuilt in his image.

you barely had time to catch your breath, your body still twitching from the orgasm he had just ripped from you, walls fluttering weakly around the thick length of him still buried inside you, when eunseok shifted his weight and dragged you closer with both hands, rough palms wrapping around your hips like he was afraid you might slip away if he didn’t hold you down.

"not done yet, baby," he murmured against your temple, his voice dark and sweet and heavy with the kind of promise that made your heart kick painfully against your ribs, made your whole body tighten helplessly around him in anticipation, in fear, in desperate, mindless need.

you whimpered, a soft, broken sound that shuddered from your throat before you could stop it, and you felt the slow, wicked curve of his smile against your skin, the way his pleasure at your weakness rolled off him in thick, lazy waves.

he pulled out slowly, just enough for you to feel the awful, aching emptiness he left behind, the stretch of your body clenching uselessly around nothing — and then he slammed back in without warning, a brutal, deep thrust that punched the air from your lungs, arching your back off the bed in a helpless, spasming jolt.

the sound you made wasn’t even a cry — it was a soft, shattered thing, a breathless gasp torn from your chest as he set a ruthless, punishing pace, dragging you up the bed with every hard, devastating thrust, his body a steady, unrelenting weight pinning you down.

your mind blurred at the edges almost immediately, the overstimulation washing over you in thick, dizzying waves, making it impossible to think, to breathe, to do anything except feel him — feel the brutal, insistent drag of his cock, the heavy heat of his body crashing into yours again and again, the way your skin burned everywhere he touched you.

"there she is," eunseok cooed, low and breathless, dragging his thumb across your cheekbone to smear away the hot, wet tears you hadn’t even realized were falling, his voice soft and almost tender, a cruel contrast to the vicious rhythm of his hips.

"so pretty when you cry for me," he murmured, his thumb brushing lower to trace across your trembling bottom lip, catching it between his fingers with a reverence that made your heart break a little more, that made your body clench tighter around him in helpless, desperate worship.

"all fucked-out and dumb already..." he breathed, voice full of amusement and something darker, something possessive and raw, "and i’m not even close to done with you yet."

you sobbed something against his shoulder — you didn’t even know what, didn’t care what — but he only shushed you softly, cradling your face between his palms like you were something fragile and precious even as he drove into you harder, deeper, chasing something bigger, something hungrier, something that had been simmering just beneath his skin since the moment he touched you.

your mind was slipping fast, slipping under, the overstimulation dragging you deeper with every punishing thrust, every broken praise whispered into your ear, every cruel, sweet word he wrapped around your heart and your body and your mind like chains you had no hope of breaking.

the world narrowed until it was only him — the slow, devastating stretch of him filling you over and over again, the blistering heat of his skin burning into yours, the slick, obscene sounds of your bodies meeting in frantic, punishing rhythm, the thick, dark scent of him clinging to every breath you dragged into your lungs.

and maybe it was always supposed to be like this. maybe you were always supposed to belong to him like this — wrecked, sobbing, mindless with need, body trembling and open and his.

he kissed the corner of your mouth then, soft and almost reverent, his lips dragging slow and tender across your skin even as he ground deeper, harder inside you, making your toes curl and your vision blur and your whole world fracture around the slow, brutal rhythm he set.

"gonna fuck all those worries away, angel," he rasped, voice cracking on a low, guttural groan when your walls fluttered around him again, clenching tight in a desperate, helpless attempt to hold onto him, to keep him buried deep where you needed him most. "til you’re only thinking about me. nothing else. just me."

you nodded, weakly, blindly, your mind already gone, already emptying out under him, desperate to give him everything he asked for, everything he demanded, desperate to lose yourself in him completely.

he moved inside you with a rhythm that felt designed to tear you apart and rebuild you all at once, slow and devastating, every deliberate drag of him pulling a fresh, trembling gasp from your lips, every measured thrust grinding into the deepest, most vulnerable parts of you like he was carving his name into the hollow places no one else had ever reached.

your body, still wrecked and trembling from the aftershocks of your earlier orgasm, clenched helplessly around him, desperate and overwhelmed, and it only seemed to spur him on — the way you gasped against his mouth, the way your nails dug into the slick heat of his skin, the way your whole body bowed into him without thought, without pride, without anything but the desperate need to keep him inside you.

the world outside of him blurred, softened, disintegrated, until there was nothing left but the slow, wet sound of your bodies moving together, the low rasp of his breath spilling across your flushed skin, the sharp sting of his teeth catching at the delicate curve of your jaw between gasps of your name.

his cock dragged against every trembling, sensitive part of you, setting you alight from the inside out, slow and merciless, and you felt yourself dissolving under him, your vision glazing at the edges, your limbs going boneless and weightless as the slow, brutal pleasure hollowed you out, leaving you empty and raw and aching for more, for him, for everything he was willing to give and everything he wasn’t.

the soft, breathless sounds slipping from both your lips blurred into a shared rhythm, a quiet, desperate symphony that drowned out the world, reduced it to the slick, relentless slide of him inside you, the heat of his hands shaping your hips, the heavy, broken murmurs of praise and possession breathed directly into your skin.

your mind, already fragile and battered, sank deeper under the weight of him, spiraling down into something warm and thick and golden, a place where the only thing that mattered was the slow grind of his cock, the way he filled you so perfectly you could feel him in your throat, the way his body caged you in so completely you couldn’t tell where your heartbeat ended and his began.

"that’s it," he murmured, voice rough and reverent against your ear, "just like that, baby. give it to me. let me have it."

you floated somewhere just beneath the surface of yourself, too far gone to fight it, too desperate to want to, your mind reduced to a haze of heat and need and the overwhelming, singular knowledge of him — his hands, his mouth, his voice, the brutal sweetness of his cock dragging slow and thick inside you, grinding you open again and again until you were gasping, crying, sobbing into his neck without even realizing it.

he swallowed every broken noise you made, dragging his mouth across your damp, flushed skin, murmuring low, wrecked words against the shell of your ear, promises you couldn’t hear over the blood rushing in your ears but felt sinking into your bones anyway, branding you from the inside out.

"so good for me," he rasped, and you keened at the praise, your whole body arching into him instinctively, chasing the slow, devastating grind of his hips like a flower seeking the sun. "so fucking perfect."

your arms tightened around his neck, your legs trembling where they wrapped around his waist, and you clung to him blindly, breath hitching in time with every slow, brutal thrust, your whole world reduced to the molten friction where your bodies joined, the dizzying heat of his skin, the low, rough sounds spilling from his throat every time you clenched down around him.

you didn’t realize you were crying until you tasted salt on your lips, didn’t realize you were chanting his name under your breath like a prayer until he groaned low in his chest, the sound raw and wrecked and unbearably sweet.

your walls fluttered around him helplessly, spasming in broken, rhythmic pulses that made his breath hitch, made him hiss through his teeth as he fought to hold himself back, to savor every moment of you falling apart beneath him.

he leaned in closer, the star at his throat brushing lightly against your chest, cool and sharp against the feverish heat of your skin, and you whimpered at the intimacy, at the weight of him above you, around you, inside you, suffocating you sweetly until there was no room for anything else, no room for fear or loneliness or doubt — only him.

you could feel every inch of him, thick and hot and throbbing inside you, dragging against every tender, aching spot with every slow, relentless grind of his hips, and when he kissed you — slow and deep and consuming — it stole the last of your breath, the last of your sanity, the last fragile pieces of yourself you hadn’t already given him.

"don’t fight it," he whispered against your lips, voice thick with lust and something softer, something devastatingly tender that made your heart fracture in your chest. "let go for me, angel. wanna feel you fall apart all over me."

his words pulled a broken, wrecked sob from your lips, and your walls fluttered around him again, clenching so tightly it dragged a rough, wrecked groan from deep in his chest, his rhythm faltering for a moment before he caught himself, before he forced himself to slow down again, to draw it out, to make you feel every devastating second of it.

his hands roamed down your trembling body, slow and deliberate, smoothing over your waist, your hips, your thighs, his thumbs tracing soft circles into your feverish skin, grounding you even as he pushed you closer to the edge, coaxing the pleasure higher and higher until it felt like your body was singing with it, burning alive with it, every nerve ending alight with him.

your toes curled, your legs trembling around his waist, your nails biting helplessly into the broad, slick planes of his back as you tried to hold on, tried to anchor yourself against the storm he was pulling from you, but there was nothing to hold onto — nothing but him.

your body spasmed again, fluttering around him so sweetly, so brokenly, that he gasped softly against your mouth, his hands tightening on your hips, forcing you to take every slow, thick inch of him, every slow, devastating grind that set your nerves alight.

he pulled back just enough to see you — to really see you — and the awe in his expression, the raw, naked hunger, the trembling reverence, made your heart splinter into a million pieces.

"look at you," he whispered, voice rough and thick with something almost like wonder, thumbing away another tear as you cried out brokenly beneath him, your hips canting up instinctively to meet his, to take him deeper, to keep him inside you forever. "look how pretty you are when you’re falling apart for me."

his hips stuttered slightly, driven by the way your body clung to him, but he forced himself to slow again, to savor it, to worship you through the unraveling, to hold you through the breaking.

you whimpered, high and broken, your voice a thin, wrecked thread of sound, hips bucking desperately beneath him, seeking, needing, begging without words, and he kissed you again, swallowing your cries, his mouth claiming every broken sound you made as if it belonged to him.

and when he shifted his hips just right, when the thick drag of him hit that perfect, devastating angle, when his thumb found your clit and rubbed slow, cruel, perfect circles — you felt yourself coming undone again.

the pleasure crashed into you like a tidal wave — slow at first, overwhelming, pulling you under, making you claw helplessly at his back, his neck, anything you could reach — and then it shattered all at once, detonating inside you so violently it left you sobbing against his mouth, left your back arching off the bed, left your thighs clamping around his waist and your whole body convulsing in helpless, wrecked spasms around him.

your orgasm tore through you endlessly, one brutal wave rolling into another, and it knocked the breath from your lungs, left you weightless, boneless, floating in the devastating aftermath, lost completely to him.

eunseok never stopped moving, never let up, fucking you through it with slow, relentless thrusts that kept the pleasure rolling through you until you couldn’t tell where one wave ended and another began, until you were sobbing for him, gasping for him, mindless and broken in his arms.

his name was the only thing left on your tongue, the only thing left in your mind, as you clung to him helplessly, nails digging into his skin, your body trembling and shivering and wrecked against him.

and when he finally came — hot and thick and deep inside you — he groaned your name like a broken prayer, like you were the only thing anchoring him to this earth, and he stayed there, pressed to you, breathing you in like he needed you to survive, his heart pounding against yours like a promise he would never say out loud.

you loved him so much it hurt, so much it eclipsed every other thought, every other need, until there was nothing left of you but this — this slow, desperate worship, this blind, trembling devotion, this aching need to be his, to be good for him, to be ruined by him again and again until there was nothing left but the pieces he chose to keep.

because you remembered the first night you met him, when you had been nothing but a hollow shell of a girl, stumbling drunk and numb through a city that didn’t care if you lived or died, when you had stood on the edge of something sharp and final, ready to fall just to feel something one last time — and he had found you there, laughing low and easy as he pulled you back from the brink with nothing more than a crooked smile and a hand offered without judgment, without pity.

you had been drowning, and he had taught you how to breathe again — not with kindness, not with softness, but with fire and hunger and the ruthless certainty that someone like you didn’t belong to the void you had been chasing.

you belonged to him.

and maybe that was why, even now — even after the absences and the doubts, even after the nights spent curled in on yourself, clutching the ache in your chest like a wound that would never close — you still looked at him like salvation, still felt your heart rise and break and rise again just at the sight of him, still believed with a kind of mad, desperate certainty that as long as he kept coming back, you could survive anything.

the bad days would always come — you knew that — the silences, the loneliness, the quiet little deaths you died waiting for him to remember you again, but none of it mattered. none of it ever really mattered.

because eunseok had saved you once, and you knew — you would always know — that you would rather be broken in his hands than whole in anyone else's.

because at the end of the day, you weren’t a girl anymore, you were a shrine, built in his image, burning quietly at the altar of your own undoing and you would worship him until there was nothing left.

only the faint, stubborn light of your devotion, flickering in the dark long after he was gone.

sungchan was patient. he was kind. he never raised his voice at anyone or lashed out. it took him awhile to become this way, so even keeled and calm. a majority of his late teens and early twenties was dedicated to taming his turbulent emotions and occasional outbursts. after years of learning to regulate all of his feelings he had become a person who could approach any situation with a balanced mind. 

he had channeled ebullient emotions into sports and working out. he figured if he could control his body to score a goal or hit a new max weight that same control could be transferred to his mind. because sungchan followed this mentality, by the time he had turned twenty his body and temperament had completely changed. he got compliments now not only about his height but his build too, people who knew him in his teens exclaiming how “different” he was compared to back then. sungchan learned by the time he was twenty one that they were trying to subtly mention how well adjusted he had become. sungchan was no longer the stubborn kid that would defy teachers and roll his eyes at his parents. he was a gentleman—one that held doors open even if ten people had to come through, one that removed his hat indoors and always volunteered to get the short end of the stick. he ate the figurative shit the world threw at him with a smile on his face; he took it as penance for the little demon he was growing up.

sungchan believes that’s what drew you to him. sungchan was twenty two now, so used to the being pleasant it became an intrinsic part of who he was. it was an automatic reaction for sungchan to meet your teasing words with a smile, a smile you found yourself falling for easily. if you were fire sungchan was water, if you were the pull he was the push, and the give to your take. 

you found out quickly that sungchan was a good boyfriend and an even a better person. it came out in every aspect of the relationship. he was unfazed by your guy friends that seemed nervous around him. he was friendly to almost every girl, letting them down easy anytime they tried to make an advance. he never responded to you when you tried to pick an argument or instigate a screaming match. sungchan would always grab your hands in his and urge you to sit down and “talk it out with him”. he was the type of person you needed in your life but it irked you to no end how pacific he was. you wanted to believe it was a facade, that sungchan felt negative emotions as strongly as you did. you were grateful to date someone who didn’t have a short fuse, but you started to find it alarming that he seemingly had no fuse at all. 

even in the four walls of your bedroom underneath the safety of the sheets sungchan was never anything less than sweet. he was a fast learner after you showed him how to treat you in bed and what you liked, but beyond that there was nothing. sungchan never bossed you around, never dared to put a pushy hand on your head. he never continued after you came once, and absolutely refused to act on his own selfish needs. everything was about you and you hated how much you hated it. you often recalled you being in the heat of the moment and telling sungchan breathlessly that he could do whatever he wanted to you. the only thing that came from your confession was sungchan finishing inside of you, a kink he told you about sheepishly after the fact. it was everything you wanted but so short lived. it was the only time you saw sungchan be even remotely self-serving. you found yourself rewinding the way he moaned “fucking take it” into your ear as you clenched around him before his hips stilled inside of you. your whiny sounds of approval and surprise didn’t influence sungchan to continue being dominant in bed, in fact it took him almost two days afterwards to initiate sex with you. and with a boyfriend like sungchan, two days felt like a century. 

the next time you two had sex it was the normally scheduled program, sungchan finishing in a condom while he kissed your forehead. you sat next to him leaned up against the headboard as he rubbed out your unexercised muscles. you looked down at your sweet boyfriend with his doe eyes and secretly made it your mission to bring out the other side of him.

that’s why you were at this party, dancing on a dining table surrounded by men you didn’t know. you always had fun at the gatherings that evolve to parties, feeling safe to be unhinged knowing your doting boyfriend with water in his red solo cup was watching you from across the room. this was unlike you though. you weren’t the type to be on the tables or start borderline flirting with random men. but you felt your unofficial bodyguards’ eyes on you after you evaded his very obvious hints that it was time to go home. the fleeting looks you spared towards sungchan egged you on, and you could see his look become more and more agitated throughout the night. when you snuck away from him while he was distracted by a friend you knew that if he saw you in your current state he would have to snap.

sungchan didn’t like parties too much, so he would stick to the walls and casual conversations with the people he knew that would be there. his main job every party he went to was to keep an eye on you, letting you have your fun while he kept you safe. you and sungchan had a unspoken rule though, that he would stay at the party and let you enjoy yourself only for as long as he allowed. he would come up to you when the party was winding down or if you looked bored and say something along the lines of “don’t you have an early morning tomorrow?”, “it’s getting kind of late”, or “do you want to go eat?” when sungchan said those words he knew that you knew it was time to go. so it was beyond sungchan why he had exhausted all those phrases and you were both still here. 

he had already had a long day at work when you told him there was a gathering you were going to and you wanted him to come along. he had no idea how defiant you would be at this gathering, or how the gathering was actually a party. sungchan felt his body tense up the more he thought about the day he had and the night you were subjecting him to. he saw you get too close with some men while they chatted you and your girl friend up, saw you grab another mans arm and squeeze before casting a glance to him. sungchan had to take deep breaths to keep him from crushing the life out of the cup in his hand. 

he almost got you to leave when you gravitated towards the makeshift bar in the kitchen. he saw you mindlessly fiddling with the empty bottles of dark liquor, almost like you were waiting for him to approach you. before sungchan could put on his most stern voice and tell you it was time to go, his friend shotaro distracted him.

“sungchan!” shotaro exclaimed. 

sungchan turned away from you only for a moment to greet his friend. they saw eachother at work not even three hours earlier, sungchan noticed that shotaro had simply thrown on a leather jacket over his work uniform. 

“what are you doing at this party?” shotaro asked.

sungchan had to lean in to yell into shotaro’s ear over the music, the dimly lit room made sungchan think he was yelling into his friends hair. 

“i’m here with my girlfriend. we are about to leave though.” sungchan said.

calling you his girlfriend was the most possessive he ever let himself get. he liked the way the phrase rolled off his tongue, or the look of acknowledgment on people’s faces when he said it paired with him putting a hand on your hip. when sungchan turned around to touch you, he saw that you were no longer there. 

he quickly peered over the crowd, using the height advantage he had on a majority of the partygoers to find your face. it turns out he was looking too low, not noticing you until shotaro let out a sound of surprise.

“isn’t that your girl on the table?” shotaro said. 

shotaro pointed the same hand that was holding the beer towards your dancing body. sungchan was speechless as he saw you swaying and turning on top of the table, giving the men that were circling you earlier like a shark a show. when your eyes locked with his and your movements didn’t cease sungchan instantly felt adrenaline course through his veins.

he left shotaro without saying goodbye, walking through the sea of people straight for you. you kept your eyes locked on sungchan the whole time, a sly smile coming across your features as he stood in front of you.

you looked down at sungchan as he stared up at you. you could tell that he was trying to actively calm himself down, trying to repress the sungchan that you wanted let out.

“we’re leaving.” he said sternly.

this was the most authoritative you had ever heard him. people around him moved their bodies to the music, bumping into sungchan. you could tell that he was mad because his body didn’t budge to the people colliding with him. you continue to smile as sungchan reached out a chivalrous hand to guide you down from the table—one that you ignored while you continue to dance.

“i’m finally taller than you.” you joke.

this was the breaking point for sungchan. you can see your boyfriend’s body physically tense and his eyes widen. for a split second you smiled, seeing sungchan’s unbounded emotion. this only lasted for a second before your smile was replaced with a surprised gasp as sungchan used the same hand to wrap around your waist and bring you to the edge of the table. 

he put your body over his shoulder with ease, a single arm locking your legs in place. you could feel the plush of your thighs squish together as you kick your feet in surprise and prop your hands on his lower back to try and keep yourself upright. some people laughed and others cheered for you, but most of them go back to dancing as if nothing happened. you can feel sungchan place a hand on your lower part of your dress, pulling down the fabric so it covered the swell of your ass. 

sungchan is silent as he walks you through the house. it’s almost humiliating, being paraded around a crowded house party for everyone to see. in a weird twisted way you like it, indirectly showing off your boyfriends strength and your ability to push his buttons. you don’t know if sungchan knew how possessive he seems in this moment, showing everyone at the party that you’re his. it had been a whole night in the making, you have never worked so hard in your life. you hope it’s all paid off when sungchan carries you upstairs, using his long legs to clear two steps at a time.

once you’re in a quieter part of the house, walking down the corridor of closed doors you try to be as fake bossy as possible.

“put me down!” you grumble. 

you’re putting on a show now, your own facade of the irritated girlfriend. you lightly hit sungchan’s back as he checks each door in the hallway, seeing which knob will turn. he moves his body around, not taking into account your upper body whips back and forth from the momentum.

“sungchan i’m serious.” you say. 

still no response. you pray that a door will open up soon as you continue to whine in his grasp. you pray he can’t hear the smile in your voice as you struggle a little bit more in his hold.

“i wanna go back and dance.” you whine.

you hear the slap before you feel it on your skin. it hits you suddenly, like a lightning strike. it’s at the speed of light, sungchan’s large hand smacking where your thigh turns into your ass. it’s such a hard slap that it sounds all the way down the corridor and has you jolting forward in his hold. the pain flashing takes you by surprise, making you yell out loud.

“be quiet.” sungchan says.

his tone is even but assertive, and for the first time in your life you feel like you have bitten off more than you can chew. you obey him immediately, holding back all the other taunts you had floating around in your head. somehow hearing sungchan have an even tone in this situation is scarier than him raising his voice. the smack still stings on your skin as a doorknob finally turns for sungchan, revealing an empty room.

sungchan makes it to the bed in just two strides and wastes no time launching your body to the center. you are jostled and caught off guard as your ass lands first, momentum forcing you to land on your elbows for support.

you’re forced to look up at sungchan as he stands next to the bed. you are in a risqué position to say the least, your dress had ridden up well past your thighs to sit bunched up at your stomach. your knees closed together are the other thing hiding your core from sungchan’s piercing glare. you didn’t think your boyfriend was capable of looking at someone so intensely, his eyes felt like they were burning holes into your skin. when you were in this position with sungchan, it was usually you beckoning sungchan towards you with a finger while you slowly spread your legs. but now you looked up to him waiting for his next move or next order, his previous command and the thrill that followed still ringing in your ears and on the back of your thighs.

sungchan turns his back to you to go to the door, you follow him carefully. you watch him slowly close the door and hear the familiar sound of a lock clicking. while sungchan’s back is turned you quickly straighten your dress and quickly pat down your mussed hair, trying to seem as appealing as possible.

when sungchan comes back to his previous spot next to the bed you try to figure out what this new sungchan is going to do. you open your mouth and sungchan puts a finger up. you bite your lip to stop yourself instantly. his hands go to his hips and he starts breathing heavy even breaths. the anticipation makes you want to squirm. you have to use your last ounce of self control to keep yourself still.

“what do you want from me?” sungchan asks. 

the question catches you off guard. your hand that was playfully tracing shapes over your dress stills.

“what do you mean—” you start.

“do you want me to be mean? yell at you because you flirt with some guys?” sungchan asks.

you think that you’re about to get lectured before you see sungchan take off his jacket. when he throws it to the floor you watch him carefully, not sure what’s going to happen next. when his hands slowly reach for the buttons on his pants you can’t help smiling from excitement, hands going to the bottom of your dress. 

“i’m better than that.” sungchan says matter-of-factly.

you shimmy out of your dress, getting it halfway off before sungchan helps you the rest of the way. he throws the garment to the side carelessly before roughly pushing you down on the bed. you are nothing against his strength, your body hitting the mattress with a dull thud. sungchan crawls on the bed to rest on the back of his legs in front of you, his bottom half completely bare. your eyes are locked in on his dick as it twitches in the cold air of the room.

“if you want it like that so bad i can give it to you like that.” sungchan says.

you look your boyfriend in the eyes and nod your head, lifting your hips so he can roughly slide your underwear down your legs.

sungchan has a hand on your knees before pushing it the opposite way, telling you to put yourself on view for him. you oblige, spreading your legs as far as they will go.

“what was the food we shared on our first date?” sungchan asks.

you try to think of the answer as you see a large glob of spit leave sungchan’s mouth to drop on his dick. you see him pump his length a few times before looking at you, raising his eyebrows to indicate impatience.

“uhm. popcorn?” you guess. 

it was hard to think anything in this position, but you know you got the answer right when sungchan nods his head and moves forward on his knees to slot himself between your legs.

“say that if it gets to be too much.” sungchan says.

before you can say okay, sungchan fully pushes his length inside of you. the anticipation coats your walls, that aided with sungchan’s lubricant helps him slide in easily. your pussy clenches around him, sungchan is already hissing at how your practically sucking him in.

sungchan puts both hands on the back of your thighs and pushes them to your chest, loving the way you whine underneath the stretch.

“you just wanna get fucked so bad.” sungchan exasperates. 

he’s captivated by the way you dumbly nod your head, so desperate to be mocked. it almost makes sungchan want to withhold the side of him that wants to fuck you into the sheets. maybe he should be gentle with you and edge you until you’re crying in missionary. but sungchan thinks he’ll let out the possessive, jealous, and mean side of him he’s spent all this time taming. he presses your thighs even closer before leaning his head over yours. his bangs graze your forehead as he looks you dead in your hooded eyes.

“you just want me to fuck you the way you deserve?” sungchan asks.

you would say yes but sungchan moves his fingers into your mouth. his digits press down so heavily on your tongue it comes out gargled, spit dribbling down your chin as he continues to thrust into you.

“i get jealous baby i just hide it well.” sungchan says. 

your eyes get wide as you realize sungchan found out about your little mission. he smiles at your expression, fingers pressing down with a force that almost makes you gag.

“everyone wants a piece of you. drives me fucking crazy.” he says.

you moan in response, you don’t know how sungchan is able to keep his voice and words even while dragging his dick along your walls. his demeanor makes you clench around him without meaning to.

“wanna keep you...” sungchan has to look up at the ceiling to stop himself from moaning. “locked in a box sometimes. i’m crazy right?” sungchan asks rhetorically.

you wish you had known about this sungchan long ago. you would’ve done this way sooner if you had known this is what he was hiding from you. you work around sungchan’s fingers in your mouth to try and beg him to go faster.

“faster? i like going slow though.” sungchan fake pouts. he purposely slows his hips even more, dragging his tip along your folds before pushing back in. “because i know you hate it.” he smirks.

sungchan sits up a little to be perpendicular to your body, putting your calfs on his shoulders. the same arm that locked your thighs in place on his back straighten your legs, making you moan from another stretch. sungchan fucks you in this new position, moving his head to bit and suck on your ankles.

he thrusts into you with such a force that it makes your tits gyrate. sungchan is locked in on them, using his large hand to cup your breast. he roughly pinches your nipple, rolling the bud between his index finger and thumb. the extra stimulation and the pain has tears prickling your vision and has your skin prickling with electricity.

“already?” sungchan asks.

he can tell by the way your eyebrows furrow and legs spread that you’re close.

“just from this?” sungchan asks again. 

his pace doesn’t change, keeping his tempo as he sees your face contort in pleasure. sungchan smiles and moves his hand that was kneading your chest down to your clit.

“you’re too fucking impatient, didn’t even know you liked it slow.”

“me neither.” you say. 

your attempt at trying to sound as calm as sungchan fails miserably, you sound meek and whiny as you try to even your tone. sungchan laughs at your feeble attempt, hand that locks your thigh in place going to your cheek quickly to pinch the fat.

“you have no control.” sungchan says. his hand speeds up the revolutions on your clit. ”just let it out baby.”

that’s all you need to hear as you spasm around sungchan’s dick. you slick makes gives his thrusts new lubrication, helping him throughly fuck you through your orgasm. sungchan coos in response to your whines and says your name back to you when his falls from your lips.

you had come down from your high a long time ago, being driven to insanity solely off of sungchan teasing you. you start to squirm against him, trying to push your hips forward to suppress the stimulation. you see sungchan smirk before he flips you over, your face pressing into the sweaty indent of the mattress. 

sungchan uses a hand to push your stomach flat to the bed and spread your cheeks simultaneously. the sudden change in position has you going crazy. you swear you can feel sungchan in your stomach as he presses his sweaty chest to your back. he sucks and bites on the skin of your neck, not pulling away until you cry out from the feeling.

“not done yet.” sungchan whispers against the shell of your ear.

he traces the outline of your ear before taking your earlobe into his mouth. you have never felt all of these sensations at once. usually it was one or the other, sungchan was careful with how much he gave you in bed. if he had you in the prone bone position he was careful to not give you his full length, if he was inside you he usually only paired it with kisses on the lips, and he had never took the risk to overstimulate you. but now sungchan pounded into you mercilessly, leaving bruises on your neck and ass due to the way he was holding you. your subsiding orgasm was building back over your body and it left you like putty, your ass turning to jelly as sungchan fucked you in a faster pace. 

“you like this don’t you?” sungchan teased. “when i just use you?”

sungchan’s fingers were no longer in your mouth but still spit dribbled from your mouth and words were caught in your throat. whatever you said was intelligible, a string of broken words and moans that couldn’t be deciphered. sungchan still cooed anyway like you understood you, placing a sweet kiss to your cheeks as he lifted his body up.

“now you have nothing to say?” sungchan asks.

sungchan’s speed picked up when he raised his body, and his hand went to rest beside your head. you brought your hand to clasp around his wrist, nails digging into his skin as you felt him go a little deeper inside of you. having something to sink your nails into let you gain your bearings enough to speak in between his thrusts.

“i’m gonna—” you mumbled.

“this pussy is mine right?” sungchan said.

he still had that venom laced in his voice, but it came out airy. he was close, maybe even closer than you were.

“all yours.” you cried out.

your walls spasmed around sungchan’s dick as he pressed down into your again, spreading your folds with a single hand to reach deeper than he did before. sungchan finished while buried deep inside of you, a stop he knew no other man would ever be able to reach. you made sounds he had never heard from you before, your usually controlled moans turning into high pitched whimpers and begs. sungchan gave you what you were begging for when he pulled out just a little to push right back in, feeling a little bit of his cum seep out of you.

your high pitched moans drowned down to you repeating his name over and over again in a quiet voice. sungchan kissed you cheek and pulled out, standing up from the bed to take in the sight of you all fucked out and pliant on the mattress. he could see some of his cum leak out of you, a pool of drool making the sheets around your mouth dark. sungchan wishes he could take a picture to show the next man that ever looked in your direction, or show you the next time you got mouthy. he settles for turning you to your back and kissing your lips. 

you are still so fucked out your actions are delayed, behind the rhythm of sungchan’s lips by a beat. the only thing that brings you out of your trance is the feeling of sungchan’s fingers pushing his cum back into your slit, the extra lubrication making a lewd squelching sound. you can feel hot tears come down your face and sungchan kisses them away, retreating his fingers when a majority of it is back inside of you.

“i’ll be right back baby. don’t move.” sungchan whispers.

even if you wanted to move you doubt you could, your body shakes and your muscles ache at even the thought of lifting a finger. 

sungchan comes back to the room just as fast as he leaves, holding a warm wet rag and a dry one. sungchan cleans you up and pats off your sweat, helping you back into your clothes and pulling you up from the bed. it all happens in a haze, paying attention to sungchan’s words of praise that comes out in droves. before you know it you are standing on shaky legs. sungchan looks at your state and laughs at you, poking your sides. you swat his hand before giving him your meanest look, one that definitely has much less bite after the events that just transpired. sungchan still puts his hands up in defense before kissing your forehead.

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i. anyway, don't be a stranger

You knew this day was coming, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

The train screeches to a halt and the passengers around you get up in a buzz to collect their belongings and crowd around the double doors.

You watch stoically as they step out of the train for an adventure in the big city or to return to their busy lives. You stay still, clutching your carry-on suitcase and just wait, maybe even until you're kicked off the train.

Seoul Station is the last stop on the route, but you're in half a mind to jump platforms and get on the next train going to somewhere you hoped was far away from here.

"Ma'am," you hear a voice call out to you kindly and you turn to face a young woman with a slightly concerned look on her face, "Is this your stop? The train ends here."

You blink, "Yeah, it is. Sorry- I'll get going."

"Have a good day," she wishes you sweetly, but you know that's a luxury you will find hard to come by these days.

You pry your large suitcase from the luggage compartment and step out into the station.  You're still underground, but it hurts like no other to finally step foot in your home for the first time in years. Breathing this air doesn't feel refreshing; it feels like you're suffocating.

Sluggishly, you navigate the maze that was the station until you surface to the public area. You're not that familiar with the place anymore; it's been a long time, but you make it up to where you had arranged to meet your best friend, finding her already there.

"My Y/N," Hana envelops you into a tight, warm hug as soon as she lays eyes on your solemn face, "How are you?"

"I'm good, Hana," you reassure her as best as you could muster.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't get you from the airport," she apologises as she pries your luggage out of your grip, "Taro had the car, but he's on his way to pick us up outside."

You faintly remember her saying something about last minute wedding errands he had to run that precluded your best friend being able to pick you up herself off the plane.

"I could have made it to your house by myself," you chide, "I used to live here, after all."

Hana's smile falters for a second at your voluntary mention of the past, but she brushes you off, "I wanted to welcome you back."

You notice her avoidance of the word home and you're thankful because a reminder of what was once a happy memory has turned into the opposite is something you've been trying to forget.

She leads you out of the busy station and to a pick-up zone outside. It's a sweltering summer day with the sun beating down relentlessly. It's something you haven't missed about Seoul after trading your extreme weathers for the grey skies across the world.

"Look, Y/N," Hana begins hesitantly as you watch the cars zoom past you, "Thank you for coming all the way here and doing this for me. I know it's gonna be hard for you, but I'm still here for you, okay?"

You knock shoulders lightly, "What kind of a best friend would I be if I missed your wedding? We've been planning our weddings since we learned what one was."

Hana chuckles lightly, mind flashing back to the days you spent designing wedding dresses and choosing songs for your wedding playlists, "I know right?"

You fall into silence as you both reminisce. Everyone thought you were going to get married first. You always wanted to get married young, ever since you met your first love at 14 and started dating at 16. You had everything you wanted planned out- the cake, the flowers, the shoes, the gifts, the groom.

Life doesn't always work out the way you want it to- you learned that at 22.

"I'm an adult, Han," you exhale, "I promise it'll all be okay. I can do this."

"You're the best, Y/N. I really missed you, by the way," Hana admits as her eyes lock onto a car.

It's only been 7 months since you last saw each other, but you spent the first 22 years of your lives practically conjoined until you moved away 4 years ago. You'll never forget the shock and joy you experienced when she turned up at your door alone out of nowhere with a rock on her finger and a gift box asking you to be her maid of honour for her wedding set in 7 months time.

"I missed you too," you return fondly.

A large, black car stops in front of you and the window rolls down to reveal a face you haven't seen in a while.

"If it isn't the Y/N back in Seoul," Shotaro flashes you his famous smile from the driver's side. You wave at him excitedly and drag your bags to the boot that he's opened from the inside. It's a busy road and he can't hop out and help, but between you and Hana, you fit the bags into the spacious boot. It's not even that much- you've only packed to stay two weeks.

You climb into the backseat and Shotaro turns around to take in the fact that you're really here. You reach over to squeeze his shoulder, "I haven't got to say congratulations in person yet, so congratulations on the wedding. You bet that we're going to have another best friend talk soon."

Shotaro and Hana choke in surprise at your menacing words. The Japanese man crinkles his eyelids in amusement, "I wouldn't have expected anything less, but thank you Y/N."

When they started dating years ago, you had cornered Shotaro at a house party and warned him so terrifyingly about what you would do if he ever broke your best friend's heart that he couldn't look you in the eye for the rest of the week. It was fair anyway, considering the talk your own best friend had given your first love when you started dating.

The drive to their house was a fair journey that you spent with your eyes screwed tight pretending to be asleep. You couldn't bare the thought of having to look out the window and catch the familiar streets you had grown up on and made so many memories on. This trip was always going to end in heartbreak for you, but you wish to delay the onset.

Hana calls your name softly when you arrive and you do a slow-blink to try to convince her. You don't know if she believes it, but she doesn't say anything otherwise.

It's weird that you haven't stepped foot in her adult home after you made her childhood home your second one and lived in the same apartment through your college years. You can still picture her teenage bedroom with the pink walls and the Fin.K.L poster across her double bed. You spent hours and hours in your college rooms eating ice cream and watching films together. Now, you don't even know the number outside her door.

"Welcome to our humble abode," Hana smiles proudly as she unlocks the front door.

They live in a very nice area, afforded by Shotaro's idol choreographer salary and Hana's lawyer income. It's obviously a beautiful home, decorated very cosy with sprinkles of their personality dotted around.

They show you to the guest bedroom and point out all the items Hana prepared for your two week stay in the house, despite the fact that in ten days' time, they were jetting off to their honeymoon the morning after the wedding. She had put together an adorable and thoughtful welcome basket with everything you might need and your heart clenches at the kindness of your best friend.

Over these years, Hana has been patient in coming to you versus you coming to her. Your blatant refusal to come back to Korea has limited your live meet-ups to once a year, twice if you could find some wiggle room in your budgets, but her wedding meant you couldn't put it off any longer and had to face your fears.

While Hana was your best friend, Shotaro had his own best friend acting as his best man. You always knew this was coming- even from the moment you introduced your best friend to your first love's best friend in freshman year of college.

He wasn't the only reason you were avoiding coming back, but he was the main one. You'd like to think that time heals all and maybe it has, or maybe it's just shoved that little pocket of pain deeper and deeper out of sight until the day you finally are forced to face it. Unfortunately for you, that day has come.

౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆

Hana was kind enough to give you the night to settle before everything kicked into full force. She knew it would be too much for you to get off the plane and have to face your ex-boyfriend, so she pushed the meeting that required both of you as much as she could until there was no time left.

You woke up bright and early, although your stomach was in ropes at the thought of seeing him again. You hoped that the very long list of errands you had to do would distract you enough from all the emotions swirling in your stomach.

It was only 1pm, but you had already visited the bridal shop to do a fitting of your maid of honour dress, considering you couldn't try it on when you were over 5000 miles away. Thankfully, it didn't need a lot of alterations and you could pick it up in the next few days. She continued distracting you by trying on her wedding dress in front of you, causing you to shed a few tears. You were virtually present during her dress hunt, but seeing it for the first time in person really made it sink in that your very best friend in this world was getting married.

The very next thing in your agenda was a meeting with the wedding planner to finalise the timings of the day. You were going to meet at a café- a safe and public space for you to finally see your ex-boyfriend after a number of years that you wished you stopped counting.

Hana parks her car along the road opposite the café and the second you stepped out the car, you were slapped across the face by the side-profile of your first love through the large window, a wide smile on his features as he chatted with his best friend.

Hana squeezes your hand, "Tell me if it gets too much. I know it's gonna be hard."

Sungchan looks so familiar that your heart squeezes at the sight of him. It's the body that you fell asleep across for years on end, the hair you used to run your fingers through when you talked late at night, the smile that made your heart race every day- it was still him.

Your breath hitches when he begins to turn in your direction. Before you can make eye contact, Hana tugs at you to enter the café, murmuring reassurances towards you that she was going to be here for you- even at her own wedding events, she was still being selfless.

"Hana, Y/N," Shotaro calls the two of you over as soon as the door jingles open and he spots you, "I ordered your drinks."

Hana squeals at the sight of the indulgent hot chocolates, but worriedly looks over at you to see your reaction. You're looking down at your feet and Sungchan is staring straight up at you.

"Hey, Sungchan. How are you?" Hana chuckles awkwardly, tugging you to her side to sit down at the round table. When the wedding planner arrives, they'd sit between you and Sungchan, so you could have that distance.

"Good, Hana, thanks," he breaths out as the corners of his mouth drop, "Hi, Y/N. It's been a while."

Your eyes shoot up to meet his, "Uhm, yeah. Hi, Sungchan."

It feels like you haven't said that name out loud in years- it brought you too much pain before. You're immediately saved by the wedding planner, thankfully, who appears out of nowhere and apologises profusely for her delay. She denies ordering a coffee, and begins to spread binder, papers and tablets all over the table.

Hana squeezes your hand under the table and your eyes point down to your thighs.

"Maid of honour and best man, I take it? It's nice to meet you both," the planner Jian smiles sweetly after catching her breath, "How'd you guys know the couple?"

You nod with a terse smile, "Childhood best friends."

Sungchan lets you finish before he bumps shoulder with Shotaro, "College roommates. We've been attached at the hip ever since."

"Looking forward to your speeches on the day then," she muses, "Shall we get started?"

You focus your efforts into concentrating through the meeting and trying to not let the pit growing in your stomach distract you. You were here to help out your best friend and her soon-to-be husband, so you gave your opinion when you felt it necessary and not much more.

You haven't been physically present through the past few months, but Hana had clued you in to everything she was doing as it was happening. You'd been discussing your dream days for years on end, so you felt like you had good opinions for the final touches of the plan.

After two hours going through every single detail, you wrapped up and Hana was beginning to talk about what she was going to cook for dinner.

"We have some salmon in the freezer, I think. That's enough for the three of us," she links arms with you as soon as you stand up, practically dragging you out of the store to avoid any more time alone with your ex-boyfriend.

"I was gonna go home after this, remember? My parents are unfortunately expecting me," you remind her regrettably. It's been a while since you saw your family- maybe a year now?

"Oh. Do you want me to come? I can drive you! I haven't seen your parents in a long time-"

You hear a cough behind you, "I'm heading that way actually. It's my dad's birthday soon so we're gonna have a meal at home. I can take you, but only if you're comfortable with that."

Sungchan's confident and unwavering tone freezes you on the spot, your eye moving to the side to gauge your best friend's reaction. Her eyes transform into sorrow as she presses her lips together. Hana looks at Sungchan, "It's okay, I can take her. I want to."

It makes sense why Sungchan would offer a lift practicality-wise. His family lived on the next road over from your house and you used to walk to school together after he moved to your school at 14.

Shotaro sighs behind Sungchan, "Hana, we still have that Zoom meeting with the venue co-ordinators. It's in like 40 minutes."

Hana curses under her breath, "Well then I'm sure Y/N will be fine taking the subway. Right?"

You're looking down at your feet, unable to even see the expression on Sungchan's face. You don't know his motivation to offer you a ride 45 minutes across the city to your old neighbourhood, and as pure as you know his heart is, you genuinely don't know how you could cope sitting in a confined space with your first love for that amount of time.

In the corner of your eyes, you see him shrug nonchalantly, "Whatever's easiest for you. See you guys soon."

You lift your head up in time to watch him wave goodbye and turn around. His face is seemingly neutral, but you hadn't spent 8 years of your life learning everything there was to possibly know about him to not be able to read the emotions behind his eyes at the very moment.

"Wait, Sungchan," you slip out of your friend's grasp, "I'll come with you."

Hana catches your wrist and hisses under her breath, "Y/N, what? Are you sure about this?"

You try to give her a convincing smile, "I'll text you when I'm coming back, okay? I don't think I'll be too late anyway."

Shotaro waves you off with a puzzled glance and you do a small jog to catch up to the distance he traversed with his long legs.

Sungchan gives you a half smile and shoves his hands into his pocket, "What made you change your mind?"

You nibble on your lower lip, "It's about to be rush hour on the subway. It'll be impossible to get a seat."

Sungchan nods at your response and points out his car across the street. It's a lot nicer and newer than the car he used to take you around Seoul in. You wondered briefly when he got rid of it.

Wordlessly, you enter into the passenger side, buckling your seatbelt and trying to keep your eyes trained in front of you. If you thought too much about the situation you put yourself in, you feared you might jump out of the moving car.

He turned on the radio to a quiet, but comfortable volume. A new song that's dominating the charts is playing as he reverses out of his spot and joins the cars on the roads.

"When did you get back?" Sungchan reluctantly begins.

You were hoping for a silent car ride, but you knew that was just in your dreams, "Yesterday evening."

"How was your flight?"

"Long. It's about 13 hours straight in the air," you hum.

"Is it? Wouldn't know- I've never been to London," it's not obvious, but there's something deeper that you can't figure out in his tone- is it snide? Snark?

"The climate's quite different over there," you reply back shortly, "It was hard to get used to."

"There must have been something you loved there so much that it kept you away for 4 years," he says, "Or something you hate here."

You swallow nervously, "Can we not do this, Sungchan?"

He scoffs, "When will we ever?"

"Is it necessary? I thought we said what we needed to say back then," you huff, letting your eyes flutter close in frustration. You should've known this wasn't going to be an amicable ride- that that disappointment in his eyes when he was walking away wasn't something to latch onto and hope, "I'm only here for 2 weeks. Can we just be civil until their wedding? That's what I'm here for."

"So even after 4 years, you have nothing to say to me?" his voice cracks in the most delicate way and if you looked to the side, you'd see his knuckles turning white as he gripped the wheel tightly.

"What do you want me to say, Sungchan?" you sigh in defeat.

"I don't know, Y/N," he runs his fingers through his hair frustratedly, "Do you regret it? Leaving?"

Your heart constricts in your chest as you shook your head, "I can't."

"What?"

"I can't regret leaving. Otherwise everything I did it for and did there becomes nothing," you confess, "I shouldn't."

Sungchan exhales a puff of air into the car, "This is gonna be so much harder than I thought it would be."

You agree silently and don't say another word for the whole drive.

౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆

ii. and i can wish all that i want, but it won't bring us together

Shotaro and Hana decided to forgo the traditional bachelor and bachelorette parties. They themselves were far too busy for that, let alone thinking about the time and effort it would take to coordinate 6+ people on each side to do an activity or vacation. Plus, on Hana's side, some of her bridesmaids weren't all too familiar with each other having come from different periods of her life, so she didn't think that cooping all of you up in a vacation home a week before her wedding was worth her energy. She loved you all separately, but that didn't mean you would all have to be best friends.

Thus, the couple decided on a joint dinner hosted in their home just to get everyone acquainted with each other. You'd spent the afternoon with the other girls picking out jewellery you wanted to all wear for the wedding and returned home to find a spread of food prepared by the private chef the couple hired.

Despite the fact that you were dreading to face Sungchan again after the disastrous ride home, you were also excited to see Shotaro's other groomsmen, who were also old friends of yours from both high school and college.

When you entered their home again after your group shopping trip, you were immediately crushed by a tall figure.

"Y/N-noona," you hear Anton sniff as he hugged you, "Do you still remember me?"

You gasp and let out a nervous chuckle, "Don't be silly- hey Chanyoung. Long time no see, right?"

One of the worst parts about your breakup with Sungchan was having to relinquish your relationship with the boys too. It wasn't that they had to choose sides or anything, but you just thought it was easier for everyone involved. Of course, you still texted them occasionally on birthday, holidays and randomly throughout the year, but you hadn't seen any of them other than Shotaro since the breakup.

"Stop hogging her. We all haven't seen her in four years," Seunghan bumps Anton out of the way to envelop you into a comforting hug, "I almost forgot what you looked like, noona. You don't post on SNS."

"Has anyone entertained the idea that she's actually a British spy now?" Eunseok smirks as he takes his turn hugging you, "Welcome back Y/N."

Before Shotaro came into the picture in college, Eunseok and Sungchan were the first package deal. They were the closest in age to one another and were family friends growing up. Eunseok was the reason Sungchan moved to your school when his family relocated to the area. They adopted Shotaro in college and found the other boys along the way.

You've known Eunseok as long as you've known Sungchan and he was one of the ones who took the breakup the hardest out of all of your friends. Hana was your best friend since childhood and Eunseok was Sungchan's- that's when it felt like people had to take sides, no matter how close you also were with Eunseok.

"I missed you guys," you whisper lowly into Eunseok's embrace.

"You should have invited us to London," Sohee sniffles when he takes his turn hugging you. Wonbin joins the two of you in a group hug.

"Well then I'm inviting you now. I'd like to take you to Buckingham Palace so you can see your twins," you joke at Sohee, ruffling his hair, "Bin, how are you?"

"I'm great, noona. Honestly," he smiles softly at you. You've never had the deepest nor most complex relationship with Wonbin, but you take comfort knowing you're both satisfied at the low-maintenance friendship you've formed.

You realise quickly that a member of the wedding party is missing when you spot Shotaro mingling with the bridesmaids. Eunseok seems to read your mind immediately, "Sungchan's in the kitchen."

"Did he tell you?"

"About the car ride?" Eunseok grimaces and you mirror his expression, "Everyone knew this was gonna be hard. Neither of you should force anything or expect anything from yourselves."

You sigh, "I know. Doing that just makes everything worse. Besides, this week is about Taro and Hana. I don't want to draw attention from them or cause any problems that might affect them too."

Eunseok nods understandingly, "I guess so. But just think about yourself okay? That's who should be the most important person to yourself always."

You spot Hana trying to beckon you over, so you excuse yourself from Eunseok and wander over to your best friend, who slides her arm around your waist.

Four out of the 5 other bridesmaids are all her friends from the law firm she began working at since graduation 4 years ago. The other one is her cousin who lives in the opposite end of the country, but who she visited every summer and holidays. You're all around the same age, but you haven't had the chance to meet them or even speak to them outside of the bridesmaid group-chat Hana put you all in 6 months ago until today.

"How's it seeing the boys again?" Shotaro hands you a flute of what you think is a mimosa.

"I missed them," you admit simply with a small smile.

"You went to college with all of them, right?" Taehee questions curiously, "You really haven't seen any of them since you moved to London?"

"Taro and Hana have visited me a few times in London, but that's it," you press your lips together, "It was just a lot of things that stopped me from coming back."

You haven't said anything to the other girls about your ex-boyfriend, mainly because this week was not about you and your finicky relationship, so they're all none-the-wiser to your situation.

"Shall we go over to the dining room?" Hana suggests, sniffing the air when the chef throws open the dining room door and the smell of the food floods out, "I'm so hungry!"

Their usual dining room table has been replaced with a temporary set up for the 13 of you in a large, round table. You stick by Hana's side and immediately take the seat next to her, sighing in relief when Eunseok takes the other seat beside you. You try not to look up, but you practically feel Sungchan's presence in the room when he enters and takes a seat on the other side of the table, flanked by Seunghan and Anton.

When the starter is brought out, you're engaged in a conversation with Eunseok and the bridesmaid beside him about the places you've travelled in Europe. Mina's well-travelled herself and Eunseok is far too fascinated hearing what you've been getting up to since you left.

"Did you visit Paris? You must have," Mina wonders, "It's so close to London- I'd be going every weekend!"

Your heart drops and you swallow, "No, not since I left Korea."

"You've visited before?"

You hold yourself back from looking up, "In the past, just once."

"Isn't it lovely? It's one of my favourite cities in the world," Mina gushes excitedly, "I love art and museums, so Paris is my element!"

You recall back to the summer before your senior year of college and the week you spent running around Paris in the evening, dancing along the Seine and holding your first love under the moonlight. Every time you were invited to Paris since then, something would stop you going- it would only remind you of the most beautiful week you had spent with Sungchan as your anniversary trip.

By the time the entrées arrive, the conversation has moved onto updates from Eunseok- how much his little brother has grown since you last saw him, how his family got an adorable new dog and how his parents are getting older. Your families were friends too, just like Hana's family and Sungchan's family. It's a shame you missed out on so much, but you know it's your fault anyway.

You make it through dinner by ignoring that steady thrum in your veins and the pumping of your heart just being in the same room as the one who haunts your memories, but it becomes harder when the couple moves you into the living room to mingle and chat with flutes of mixed alcohol.

"We actually have a task to do for tonight," Hana smirks slyly as you all turn towards her, "We haven't actually figured out who you're gonna walk down the aisle with."

"We thought it'd be better to choose after seeing who looks good together," Shotaro shrugs, "Height differences and that."

Hana claps her hands definitely, "Okay, everyone just go stand with a partner and then me and Taro will shuffle as we see fit."

You freeze, having not been informed of this by your best friend beforehand. With a glimpse of hope, you tug at Eunseok's sleeve and he looks at you with a confused glance.

Jiwoo frowns at you across the room, "Wait- I get it for the rest of us but the maid of honour and best man are walking down together, right?"

Your face probably mirrors Sungchan's - like a deer caught in headlights as you both begin to chuckle awkwardly.

Hana's eyes widen as she looks at you apologetically, "I suppose so. Though it doesn't have to be."

"It makes most sense that way," Taehee agrees beside Anton.

"Um, then Sungchan and Y/N, you guys can just sit down or help us match," Shotaro quickly splutters out.

Nodding in agreement, you float over to Hana's side again, like two opposite poles on a magnet. She smiles at you sheepishly and you subtly dismiss her. It's her wedding- you just had to suck it up. Sungchan takes a seat away from where you were standing, trying to busy himself on his phone.

In the end, it took an excessive amount of time to decide on the final pairings, made all the more difficult by the absence of the girls' heels that played a part in the decision-making. You had no idea that something so trivial could take up so much of an evening and cause such hilarious tiffs fuelled by wine. 

Hana gasps from the corner, "Wait, where's the camera? I want pictures of everyone for the scrapbook."

Shotaro retrieves a baby blue polaroid camera displayed on their book shelf and loads a new cartridge of film inside. Your heart is beating fast as Hana shoo's each couple against a deemed-aesthetic backdrop and snaps a single, quick photo of the two that prints out in just seconds.

Surely she wouldn't do that to you, right?

But when her head turns towards you and a soft, pleading smile graces her features, you're resigned to standing up and following the orders she's sending telepathically.

"Sungchan, c'mere. I need one of you and Y/N," Hana calls out gently.

Wordlessly, he rises from the spot he's been planted on for the better part of an hour and positions himself beside you, with a good distance separating your shoulders.

Hana raises the camera to her eye, but she clicks her tongue in frustration, "I can't get you both in."

"Just step backwards," Sungchan advises, his tone light, but with an edge.

"I want all the pictures at the same angle," she counters, "Just move a little closer together."

"Y/N won't bite, right?" Mina laughs jokingly, to which you try your best to give a convincing chuckle.

He shuffles a little closer to you, the fabric of your shirts brushing against each other delicately. You're focused on keeping the smile on your face as neutral and natural as possible, silently pleading your best friend with your eyes to hurry up.

She finally counts down and clicks the button, the flash blinding you for a split second. Before you could even fully regain your vision, Sungchan has already traversed the room to join Seunghan and Wonbin nosy through the bookshelf.

Ouch. He really wants nothing to do with you.

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iii. you left me no choice but to stay here forever

Exactly one week before the wedding, Hana bursts into your room with a panicked look.

"What's wrong?" you gasp at her state, scrambling up from the edge of the bed where you were scrolling lazily on your phone.

"Taro forgot to pick up the wedding rings," Hana pants out, clear frustration in her eyes, "The jeweller's going out of town tomorrow."

"Oh!" your own eyes widen, "Do you need me to go pick them up then?"

"Yeah, please! If you can," she smooths out the white dress she was wearing, "I'd do it but it's the opposite direction to where we need to go and we're already running hella late."

You stand up and steady her by her shoulders, "Don't worry about it. That's what I'm here for, yeah? To make your life easier."

Hana relaxes with a sigh of relief and pulls you into a hug, "What would I do without you?"

The couple were off to another one of their endless wedding appointments, which was seemingly going to take up their whole day. It was still just the morning, but Shotaro was running down the stairs already, calling for Hana to get in the car.

"I'll text you the address, okay? I'll also text the jeweller that you'll be coming," she smiles gratefully before disappearing out of the front door.

Instead of buying traditional wedding rings at a famous store, they decided to have their own personal set made that was completely tailor-made and customised for them at a small, local business. You thought it was sweet how they wanted to design the ring that would symbolise their union and love together instead of any old, generic piece of metal.

Taking the subway over to the store wasn't a bad experience- it was a hot walk over to the station, but the carriages were air conditioned and not terribly busy. It's a stark contrast to the hot, cramped and dirty tube of your current home city.

The jeweller's shop is in a part of the city near your old university; you used to frequent the area a lot, so you were experiencing major nostalgia walking the streets again after a long time. You even contemplated visiting your favourite stores and coffee shop after picking up the rings, hoping that taking a trip down memory lane won't hurt you too much.

When you reach the shop, it's empty save a couple sat across an attendant looking at rings together at a table in the corner. At the check-out desk, an older gentleman is polishing a set of gold rings.

"Hi, my name is Y/N! I'm here to pick up the wedding rings for Hana and Shotaro," you inform the man.

His eyes crinkle with a smile, "Ah, you came first. Wait here while I get them. Feel free to take a look around as well."

You frown at his words but dismiss them as you spot the case filled with rings of all styles and metals. There's some engagement rings with dazzling precious stones and intricate bands, but there's also a bunch of unique sets of rings that you assume are ready to sell.

When you were younger, you used to think that you wanted the largest diamond with the most elaborate designs and stones to show off. As you grew older, you realised that you just wanted a ring that would signify the love your other half had for you, no matter the size or price.

Your finger traces along the display case, humming lightly as you evaluate them all and try to guess what Hana and Shotaro's rings would look like. Would they be silver or gold? Would they have diamonds? Would they be engraved?

"Y/N?" the deep voice startles you from behind and you jump on the spot.

You turn, meeting face-to-face with Sungchan. Your heart skips a beat.

"Sungchan, what are you doing here?"

His eyebrows are tugged together in confusion, "Shotaro asked me to pick up the wedding rings."

Your mouth dries, "Ah. Hana asked me to do the same."

"Really? They didn't talk about it?" Sungchan frowns.

"They were in a rush, to be fair," you say awkwardly.

"Oh, okay. Well if you're here, then I guess I'll go," he nods, turning his body towards the door, "See ya."

"Oh, you must be the best man!" the jeweller laughs a full-bellied laugh as he emerges from the back, "Must have been some miscommunication with the bridge and groom as I got two separate messages telling me they each sent someone here."

"Yeah, that's me," Sungchan chuckles, "If I'm not needed then I'll head off."

"Have a look at the rings," the jeweller beckons the two of you over instead to a free desk with chairs on either side, "We'll be shutting the store down tomorrow for a couple of weeks, so inspect and make sure it's all okay. I have some information to pass along to the couple too."

Reluctantly, Sungchan approaches the table with you and takes the plush seat beside you. In another universe, you look just like the other couple in store, grinning at each other with lovestruck smiles as you tried on different rings. You push the thought away and swallow the mass in your throat down.

The jeweller takes out two red leather boxes from inside a small carrier bag that has a sticker with their names on it. He sets out the boxes in front of you and moves the bag aside.

"The couple requested the rings to be engraved so there's no risk of you taking away the wrong rings anyway," he clarifies as he picks up one of the boxes, "This one's for the bride."

When he opens it up, you're floored in awe at the beauty of the ring. It's a band of beautiful diamonds sparkling under the light of the store. He tilts the ring and brings it up closer to your eyes until you can see the small letters on the inside- S&H.

"It's beautiful," you whisper.

He twists the ring around in his grip, "No diamonds missing, no cracks or gaps or breaks, yes?"

When you nod in confirmation, he shows it to Sungchan who wordlessly inspects the precious stones. The jeweller places it back in the box and does the same with Shotaro's ring, which has less diamonds but is still shiny.

He puts the boxes back in the bag and shows you the booklets he had places inside, "There's ring care instructions, the certificates for the warranty and what to do if there's anything wrong with the ring."

You nod as you take in the information.

His eyes soften, "Please send my regards to the lovely couple. I am heartbroken to not be able to send them off with their rings. I hope they love it."

"I'm sure they will," you hum as you take the small bag from him, "Thank you."

He spots the absence of metal on your fingers as you reach over, "Ah, no wedding or engagement ring on you, hm? Come and visit my store in the future if you happen to need one."

The back of your neck heats up, "No ring on me. I'll keep you in mind."

"What about you, best man? A lucky lady in your life?" he turns to your companion and drops him a wink, "Gotta get as much business as possible."

Sungchan flashes his bare fingers, "I'll come to you if the time ever comes."

Four years ago, you imagined that you would be way past this stage. It twists your heart to know your best friend gets to do all of it first. You're inexplicably happy for her that she's found the love of her life that she wants to spend forever with, but you always wished you could be doing these steps together. You both always wanted to get engaged at similar times, to get married in consecutive years, to have kids all at the same time, but you've fallen behind already.

"Y/N?" the jeweller calls out softly, breaking your trance, "Everything alright?"

You offer a small smile, "Yeah, sorry. Thank you for your time and the rings."

He waves you off with a genuine smile and you leave the store with Sungchan following behind you.

You take one brief look at him and his unsettled expression and murmur, "See you again soon."

"Wait, how'd you get here? By train?" you nod at him and he sighs, running a hand through his hair, "Come. I'll drop you off back at their place."

"That's not necessary. I can handle myself-"

Sungchan gives you a pointed look, clearly unimpressed, "You're carrying around rings worth thousands. Can't risk you losing them or getting robbed."

You look down at the bag, embossed with the logo of the jeweller's, "Uhm, you can just take it if you want and give it to them when you next see them."

"I'm sure they'd wanna see their rings as soon as possible when they get home," Sungchan argues, "Just get in the car with me, Y/N. We don't even have to speak."

Your mouth flattens into a grimace as he begins stomping towards his car parked along the road. Wordlessly, you climb into the passenger seat and secure the bag on your lap. He starts the car and turns on the radio loud enough where you couldn't hold a conversation over it.

You make it 15 minutes into the journey by watching the city go by through the window in front of you. You recognise most places, but it still is not completely all familiar.

It's hard to relax when you're in the car again with the person whose heart you broke. Your fingers grip into the bag and you try to control your breathing so your heart wouldn't run as fast.

"You're getting a call," Sungchan murmurs as he turns the radio down.

You're about to tell him that it's okay and you'll take it later, but when you take out the phone, you see it's your mother. She's a busy woman who doesn't always get the time to speak with you, so you always try to answer her calls.

You mumble a sorry to Sungchan and raise the phone to your ears, "Mhm, mother?"

"Hi my darling, I was just calling to check up on you. What are you up to?"

"I just picked up the wedding rings because Hana and Taro are busy and the store's closing for a bit," you tell her, "I'm on my way back to their house."

She gasps in delight, "How exciting! You're taking a taxi back? It sounds like you're in a car."

You debate internally whether you should tell her, "Sungchan is driving me back to their house. We were both accidentally sent over to the jeweller's."

"Sungchan?" her voice is reluctant and shaky as she utters his name.

"He's the best man," you can tell he's listening by the way his grip tightens on the steering wheel and his knuckles are turning white.

"Of course, you said," your mother remembers what you told her at dinner a few nights ago, "I'll leave you to it. Say hello to Sungchan for me- I haven't seen him and his family in a while. Will they be at the wedding?"

"I suppose," you murmur, "Love you, bye."

Your mother parrots the sentiment before the line clicks.

"My mother says hello," you tell him quietly.

Sungchan forces a small smile, "Thanks. It's been a long time."

Your heart aches at the thought of just how much your family loved and adored your first boyfriend. You started dating and hanging out when you were still teens in your childhood homes, so he and his family got friendly with yours and eventually became close. You've taken endless group trips together and merged your family so well, thinking that you were going to be forever.

The rest of the drive is done in near silence. Sungchan doesn't turn the radio up again, but he also doesn't utter a single word. You felt like you could hear your heartbeat in the quiet.

When he pulls up to the drive, he barely gives you a look as he gets out the car, "I just need to get my jacket I left the other night."

You swallow and nod, following him to the front door where you enter the passcode to get into the house.  You don't really know what to do with yourself after you placed the bag on their coffee table.

Is it rude if you go to your room? Should you offer him a drink? Do you just wait by the door until he leaves?

Sungchan finds his jacket in a closet along the stairwell and he drapes it across his arm. You're waiting awkwardly in the middle of the front room when he stops in front of you with an unreadable, frustrated expression. He squints his eyes slightly at you before letting out a soft sigh.

"What?" the word drops from your mouth quietly.

He shakes his head, "It hurts to look at you."

The words feel like poison injected straight into your veins. Your mouth goes dry and hangs open, "Do you hate me?"

Of course he does. Of course he hates you.

You left him.

"I thought I did. I carried so much resentment over the past 4 years but looking at you again like this," Sungchan pauses and meets your eyes, "It just... hurts."

"I'm sorry," your head hangs low, "I'll be gone soon. You don't have to worry. You don't have to see me at all after all this."

Sungchan lets out a sarcastic, dry chuckle, "I wish that could be the case. What about when they have their first child? What about when the others start getting married too?"

You open your mouth to try and say something, but he continues, "I thought I was finally moving on or at least forgetting. It was a hard 3 years. Then, Shotaro tells me he's proposing and Hana says you're going to be the maid of honour and that in 7 months you'll be back in Seoul. I spent 7 months thinking about what to say to you when I see you again. 7 months wondering what it was going to be like between us. And then you come back and you can't even look me in the eyes. And I don't know what to say to you. And you're saying that I never have to see you again after. What do I even do with myself, Y/N?"

"I'm sorry," it's all you can say as you choke up and tears start forming on your lashes. You feel so pathetic, knowing there was nothing in the world you could say to make this easier.

"Even if you are, that doesn't fix anything," his voice cracks, "Do you actually not regret leaving? Leaving me?"

He brings you back to the other day in his car and you swallow nervously, "Of course I do, but I felt like it was the only choice I had back then. It was getting harder and harder to be with each other. We were fighting all the time for no reason and I had no idea how to fix us. And then I got that job offer I couldn't turn down and you got a good job here in Seoul."

Sungchan's hands ball into fists, "Every couple goes through hard times. I would have gone to the ends of the universe to fight for us. You were everything to me. Was I not to you?"

You snap, "You don't know how hard it was to leave."

"And you don't know how much worse it is to be the one left behind," his voice raises slightly in frustration as you realise that he's crying too, crystal tears falling from his pretty eyes, "What went wrong with us, Y/N? I still don't understand."

"I had no idea who I was without you. We spent every waking moment tethered to each other. Don't you think we needed to grow?" you whisper, "We were fighting so much I thought you would begin to resent me and that it meant we had outgrown each other."

"I wish we could have talked more about it before you left. You gave me no choice, Y/N. You just moved across the world and left me behind," the pain in his voice is evident, "I know I wasn't being a good boyfriend at the end. It was stressful starting that job and becoming an adult in the real world after college, but if you'd given me the chance-"

"There's no point talking about the what-if's," you interrupt him, "It'll only hurt us more."

"Do you still love me?" he questions suddenly.

Your face pales as you look up at him. His tears are flowing so fast, but so delicately- you wish you could reach up and dry his tears with your fingers, not too dissimilar from the way he used to kiss the tears off your cheeks in the past whenever you would have squabbles.

"What?"

He gulps, "I've spent 12 years loving you since the moment I met you. I'm so scared that I'm going to love you for the rest of my life."

"Sungchan-"

"I can't let you leave again without telling you. You have to know it's only ever going to be you."

Sungchan sniffles as he takes a step closer to you. His jacket that was on his arm is discarded on the floor.

"I'm so sorry," you whimper again as your eyes flutter shut. You bite your lip to try and control the tears.

Before you realise what was happening, you feel the soft pad of his thumb tug your lip out and then the pressure of his own mouth against yours as he captured your hot tears in his kiss. And like it was a reflex, you melt into his body and part your lips, giving him access and trying to forget that this was a terrible, terrible thing to do.

His large hands come up to cradle your face and he walks you backwards until your back hits the wall. You're both sobbing into the kiss, but you can't pull away even if you wanted to.

You haven't kissed anyone in 4 years and Sungchan's lips on yours feels like you finally came home to him. It's desperate, sloppy and you're both choking on your own tears as you move your mouth against his. Your heart and your brain have disconnected from each other and your hands are gripping the fabric of the jacket he was currently wearing like your life depends on it.

Time freezes in this moment with him and you don't know how long you're kissing for until you've both stopped crying and your mouth goes numb.

He presses his forehead against yours, "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."

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iv. but you come back with gravity

You don't say anything to Hana when she knocks on your door later on in the evening once they returned. She texts you after, asking if you were awake and if you wanted dinner. You wait 30 minutes before replying that you were in and out of sleep, exhausted from all the exploring you told her that you did after collecting the rings. You're thankful she leaves you alone after that but not before apologising over the mix up with Sungchan and that she hoped he didn't bring you any trouble.

You toss and turn in the bed all night.

When the next day comes, you force yourself out at the crack of dawn, commandeering over the kitchen to cook your friends some breakfast. It was the least you could do for them as they hosted you. You knew Hana would be awake soon since she was still working remotely for a few days. Shotaro, on the other hand, could afford to take some leave by busying himself more than usual in the months prior to the wedding to make up for it.

When Hana comes down yawning, you greet her tiredly, "Hey."

"Awww, my Y/N cooked for me?" she pouted sweetly at you, "You're too sweet. I could get used to this; why don't you come back and live in our spare room forever?"

Your stomach flips on itself, "Do you think I should?"

Hana was about to bring a mouthful of egg into her mouth when she stills, "I mean I was joking but I don't think you are. You want to move back?"

The image of Sungchan from yesterday with tears in his eyes is burned into your brain and you can see him every time you blink, "No... it's just that-"

"Whatever it is, I would say move back. I'm the first- no the second person who wants you back here," she quips.

"Who's the first?"

She glares at you like you're stupid before tossing a piece of kimchi on top of your rice, "Did something happen yesterday? With Sungchan? Did he say something to you?"

You're in half a mind to blurt out the truth, but you stop yourself. You're here for your best friend and to make her life easier before her wedding, not to add problems. Maybe when she's back from her honeymoon and you're alone again in your flat in London you could tell her over FaceTime, but you hold your breath for now.

"No," you shake your head, "You getting married just has me thinking about my future. Like where I'm gonna end up and settle."

She shoots you a sympathetic look, "When did life suddenly whizz by? One second we're giggling by our lockers writing confession notes and the next we're thinking about where to root our lives. Anyway, I want you here, but more importantly, I want you where you're happy. I can tell it's been hard for you to come back here."

"I'm just kind of lost in life. I thought I could build a life in London and stay there forever. I have- kind of, but there's nothing that's actually keeping me there. If I packed up and moved away, no one is missing me," you sigh.

Hana claps like she suddenly had a bright idea, "You know what you should do while you're here? Open a dating app! Maybe you'll find your reason to stay."

You look at her like she's grown 10 heads, cause WTAF?

"I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that," you deadpan.

Hana rolls her eyes, "Seriously? Why not? Are you still in love with him or something? I thought that seeing him again would give you closure and you can finally move on."

You stay silent and she groans, putting her head in her hands, "Jesus, it's done the opposite, hasn't it? Made you feel things again?"

"This is not about me. Or Sungchan. Stop, stop," you frantically dismiss her, "No talking about my tragic love life. You're literally getting married!"

Hana sighs at you, "I am, but doesn't mean I can't care and worry about you. I have enough of myself to share with those I love, honestly. Getting married to Taro is gonna be one of the greatest things ever, but you know, I love him every single day regardless and not much has to change. It's a big deal to us but life still goes on for everyone else."

"I'm so happy you guys have each other," you tell her, voice dropping to a whisper.

"It's all thanks to you and him," she reminds you, "And if you realised that you still love him, I won't judge. I just don't want either of you to get hurt again."

You nod slowly, trying to internalise her words, "I'll be okay, right?"

She reaches across the table and squeezes your hand, "You're gonna be fine, my love. Whatever happens."

You finish up breakfast talking about what you were gonna do during the day instead. It was 6 days until the wedding and you were scheduled to pick up your dress from the tailors after they finished the adjustments. Hana was going to do some work first and then you both would go out and get the dress together, then have some brunch with some of your old friends from college. A lot of them stayed in town, but you both had lost touch with some of them after your move and Hana's fancy job she got straight out of school.

Spending the rest of the morning trying to relax proved to be futile. Every time you were left alone with your thoughts, all you could think about was Sungchan's lips on yours, the pressure of his body caging you in- and then the emptiness you felt when he ran away as soon as.

How could he tell you that he still loved you and proceed to flee after kissing you? Your brain and heart are in complete tatters.

You're still thinking about him by the time Hana knocks and tells you she finished up her work and you think about him the whole drive over to the bridal shop.

You think about him when you try on the dress again. You think about whether he'd think you're pretty in the dress. You think about the wedding dress you'd have picked if life went to plan.

On the whole walk to the brunch restaurant, Hana gave up on trying to capture your attention. She just links your arms together and hums into the air.

Minjeong and Jimin are already sat at the table when you arrive and they spring up in delight at the sight of you and crush you between them.

"Holy crap, you've been away as long as we knew you," Minjeong whines as you all sit down. Like the boys, you messaged her on special occasions and haven't substantially talked since, but you'll always hold a lot of love for the few friends you made in college.

Minjeong and Jimin lived in the apartment next to yours for your entire college journey. They too were best friends from childhood and you and Hana mirrored them in so many ways.

"How are you? How's London?" Jimin asks curiously.

"It's weird to be back, for sure," you smile slightly, "But I'm happy to see you guys again. London's London- busy, gloomy, grey."

"Did you make friends okay over there? Find a new man?" Minjeong raises her eyebrows. Jimin elbows her in the side and gives you a sheepish look.

It wasn't like you made a public statement that you and Sungchan broke up, but people must have noticed something was up when you started posting in the UK and disappeared off each other's social media accounts.

"Still just me," you chuckle, "Anyway, what are you guys wearing to the wedding?"

Jimin claps her hands excitedly and rushes to her phone to show you the photos of their dresses. They're coming in complimentary pastel yellow dresses with frills and all.

"You guys are gonna look so good! Like cute little twins as always," Hana squeals in approval, "No dates for either of you?"

Winter grimaces, "We've not been as lucky as you in that department. I don't know if we scare each other's potential suitors off."

"Taro was terrified of Y/N for a while, remember?," Hana reminisces fondly, "He was my first proper boyfriend, so Y/N really lay on the act thick to make sure he would treat me well."

"And my screening process worked, didn't it? You're the one getting married in 6 days," you quip at her.

"Yes, I have you to thank of course," she nuzzles into your side, "Why does it now seem like I'm not going to be attending any of your weddings anytime soon? I want to attend one that's not my own!"

Jimin snorts, "I can get eloped for you, if you want. What age did you guys want to get married?"

Winter sighs, "I wanted to get married out of college," and then gives the stink eye to her best friend who mutters under her breath that she should have tried harder then.

"Around this age would have been nice, I think," you say sadly, playing with the rings on your fingers and trying to imagine how they would look beside a wedding or engagement ring.

"I told her to go on a dating app earlier, but she said no," Hana informs them.

"That's modern dating now, unfortunately. We can't all have high school or college sweethearts," Jimin purses her lips in thought, "Or how about you just get back together with your ex?"

It's Winter's turn to smack her friend's arm in shock, "Yah, that's so out of pocket, Jimin! Sorry Y/N."

You attempt to keep your face neutral as Jimin giggles innocently, "Sorry Y/N. It's just that I heard that he's been single this whole time. You've seen him recently, right?"

"He's Taro's best man," Hana nods, "We've had a few wedding events and dinners since Y/N got here."

"It's not really up to me, I think. I'm the one that up and left."

Winter reaches across the table to grab your hand and comfort you, "You must've had your reasons, Y/N-ie. Sorry, I know you probably don't want to talk about it."

"It's fine- it's just complicated," you smile softly in reassurance.

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v. i could go on and on and on, and i will go on and on and on until it all comes back

4 days out from the wedding and you find yourself alone in Seoul again. Hana and Shotaro decided they needed a spa day to relax just before it got incredibly intense over the weekend and asked if you wanted to join. Of course, you weren't going to sandwich yourself in the nearly newlywed's plans.

You remember the café near the jeweller's you wanted to visit, eager to see how time has changed the shop just as it had changed you. Taking the subway was tiring, of course, but you occupy your time by people-watching through every stop. It's a weekday, so the carriage isn't so busy during the middle of the day. You're lucky enough to find a row of seats and be able to rest your feet.

The walk to the café from the station isn't long, but you walk slow and take in your surroundings on the sunny day. It's hard when your memories are so entwined with the one you didn't have anymore.

Every corner you turn, you can still picture you and Sungchan there walking, holding hands and bright-eyed. He'll probably have said something ridiculous that made you laugh and you'll have playfully hit him on his arm and cuddled into his side as he dropped a kiss on the top of your head.

Being in Seoul brings back all the nostalgia of your youth.

You order a refreshing iced drink, slightly sad that you don't recognise the cashier behind the till. Your feet carry you to an empty table before you can realise it's the one you liked to sit at before- by a window, far away enough from both the front door and the toilet, and with a view of the main street in front to watch the world go by. You know there's a charging port at your feet and that it takes 12 steps to get to the stand with the tissues, sugars and stirrers. You know that you've spent many hours hunched over on the seat, trying to complete each essay and assignment. You know what you like off the menu and what you don't. You know that it's where you had your first date with Sungchan in the city when your parents let you out at 16 together.

It hurts to remember the very first time you were here, giggling, flustered and nervous for your very first date with a boy- the same boy you'd been infatuated with since the first time you laid eyes on him 2 years prior. Sungchan had carried your bag on his shoulder the whole train ride over and tried his best to look all tall and tough to protect you in the big city despite it being one of his first times going to the city without an adult. He had opened all the doors for you, pulled out all the chairs and paid for all your drinks and food as he listened to you ramble about cute cakes and pastries.

You had talked about your high school exams, what you wanted to do in college and how you imagined your futures. He had told you all about his sweet family, his love for football and things you never got to know about him in a group situation.

On the way home, with the sun about to set, he held your hand the whole way.

You stop reminiscing when a figure takes a seat in front of you, and then you're thrown straight back in.

"What are you doing here?" you ask Sungchan tentatively, unsure what to make of his presence.

"Hana told me you might come here today. I was going to come to the house to see you," Sungchan says simply, playing with his fingers, "I didn't really have any way to reach you."

Of course- your Korean number was long deactivated, you had unfollowed each other on social media and your temporary number was shared only with those you deemed it necessary.

You look up at him through your eyelashes, expression slightly menacing from the way it brought a pang to your heart to look at him. You knew exactly how he felt when he said it hurt to look at you.

"You left, Sungchan. You told me you missed me and then you left," you murmured quietly, suddenly hyper-aware of your surroundings.

He sighs longingly, "I know. I'm sorry for that. But my head's a mess, I'm confused and I don't know where we stand."

"You're the one that kissed me," you continue accusing him.

"You kissed me back and I didn't expect it. You told me you missed me," he bores his eyes into yours, "But you're going to leave again in a few days and I don't know if my heart can handle it again to watch you walk away."

"What's our options here?" you grip the cup in your hands tightly, "We just forget everything happened, just get through the wedding and then never look back?"

"Is that what you want?" there's a tinge of hurt in his voice.

"What I want and what I can have are two different things."

He pauses and then swallows, "What do you want?"

"You said it- it's only ever going to be you," you confess.

There's no point lying to him; you know each other better than you know yourselves- or at least you did. He knows your soul like it's his own, learned you inside and out over the years you grew up beside each other. You might've changed a bit away from each other, but you were each other's anchor in your formative years. Of course he knows you.

You watch his eyes transform with hope and then hesitancy, "What's stopping us from being together then?"

"We haven't spoken in 4 years and the most we've done here is argue," you remind him, "And I could love you with all my heart and every inch of my being, but that doesn't mean we'll work again."

Sungchan looks at you with those big, brown eyes that transports you 10 years back, in the very same seat, as he asked you to be his girlfriend, "Can we just try?"

10 years ago, you had blushed and hid your face in your hands. He had laughed sweetly, melodiously, prying your fingers away from your visage. You had giggled out a small 'yes' and he had entangled your fingers together in glee.

But now you're 10 years older, cheeks less puffy and the passage of time eroding at the innocent naïvety you both held. But love has no timeline, hope even less.

You're the one to reach over to his restless fingers and entwine them in yours, "Yes."

౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆

You have more questions than you have answers. You have more anxiety than you have reassurance. Your head spins the minute you attempt to solve all the newfound puzzles and dilemmas in your head, but you try to bury them back deep into your brain so you could focus on your task at hand and what you came here for.

Like most brides before their wedding, Hana was starting to get a bit nervous. She had absolutely no doubt about marrying Shotaro of course, but it was a lot of stress to deal with all the moving parts and logistics of actually holding the wedding. Every evening, you've been sitting with the couple, going through their to-do-lists and wedding plans to make sure you didn't miss a single detail.

To be honest, there's nothing left to do until the rehearsal dinner you were hosting tomorrow, which was the day before the wedding. Overthinking details unnecessarily would just add stress to the couple, so you've been trying to reassure them everything was going to be perfect.

"It's actually so close," Hana exhales slowly, as she closes her eyes and tries to relax.

You're sat outside in the lawn chairs of their garden, basking in the late afternoon summer sun, "My best friend is going to be a married woman in 2 days."

"And then you're going to leave again," you can hear the pout in her voice, "When's the next time we can take time off work so we can properly hang out without the wedding planning being the center of attention? HR probably won't let me for another 6 months, but I'm itching to come visit you in London already."

"Don't act like your wedding isn't the most exciting thing that's ever happened to either of us," you scoff at her.

"It is, but it's literally consumed our entire life," Hana puffs out, "I'm excited to see it come together, though. Make sure you try and have fun at the wedding too, okay? I know I asked you for a lot of favours as my maid of honour, but I still want you to have a good time. Maybe meet one of Taro's cousins or studio friends."

You flush red at the sudden thought in your head, "Don't say anything, okay, but Sungchan and I are gonna, um, come to your wedding together-" Hana slaps her hand over her mouth and you sit up, "I said don't say anything!"

Over the past 2 days, you'd been texting and chatting on the phone a lot in the times you could. He was still working during the day as a hot-shot physiotherapist for one of the elite football teams in the city, so he didn't have time to see you when you were available. You'd agreed to be each other's dates to your best friends' wedding, even though the time you would spent with each other was probably going to be very limited with your duties. It's the thought that counts.

Hana's peering at you with the widest, most shocked eyes, "What did I miss? What the hell?"

"It's nothing," it's everything, "We just got to talking a bit, decided to see if it might go anywhere and stick this time. We're taking it like really slow."

Hana rolls her eyes, "How slow do you have to go? You're already each other's greatest love- oh don't give me that look!" she reaches out to poke your exasperated expression, "I get it. You don't want to get hurt and you don't want to hurt each other. Just don't stand in the way of your own happiness."

"I'm sorry to make it about me," you sigh, "We're not going to be obvious at your wedding or anything."

She reaches over to take your hand, "Babe, I told you, your happiness is my happiness and I mean it. You know I've always rooted for the two of you."

Hana was the very first supporter of your relationship. While she came to know her soon-to-be husband through you and Sungchan, you only ended up together in the first place by Hana getting fed up of you dancing around each other and basically telling Sungchan to ask you out on a date. She'd spent 2 years listening to you go on and on about the cute guy that moved into the neighbourhood and watched as he fell for you with every waking day. You were both too shy to make a move, until she cornered him and convinced him that you would definitely say yes to a date (even the blind could sense that you'd say yes in a heartbeat).

"I love you. I'm so lucky to have you as my best friend," you sniffle, squeezing her hand.

"Save the confession for your Prince Charming. I think he just got here," Hana nods behind you, in the direction of the house.

"What? You didn't tell me he was coming over? He didn't say!" you scramble up to your feet, afraid to turn around knowing you'd find him leaning against the door frame of the garden door.

"Hey!" you hear his familiar sweet voice.

"Sungchan-ie, come here," Hana beckons him over and motions for you to sit down again, "Come join us. What are you doing here?"

"Taro asked me to hang out," he shrugs and takes the chair besides yours, flashing you a sweet smile as he did so, "Sorry for breaking in, but I thought you two would be out having girl-time and getting pampered."

"Our appointments were pretty efficient," Hana shrugs. You had spent the morning doing your final beauty treatments and touch ups - nails, brows, last-minute hair tweaks, lashes, facials and all. You managed to get through them all quickly and ended up having enough time to lay out in the garden with a cocktail on the side-tables, "Taro should be home soon, though. He's probably caught in some traffic back from the airport as he picked up his family."

"Do you want a drink?" you ask him, motioning to the pair of glasses.

"D'you make that?" he quirks in amusement.

You nod, "I befriended the bartender at the pub I live near. She taught me how to make some good cocktails."

"You're full of surprises," he chuckles at you, "Up for passing on that knowledge?"

You look back at Hana, who simply turns her face away with a smirk as she closed her eyes to appreciate the sun. You get up with Sungchan and motion for him to follow you into the kitchen.

"You told her? That girl cannot keep a neutral expression to save her life," Sungchan utters behind you, his tone amused.

"I said we were going to the wedding together, if that's okay," you prepare the ingredients in front of you.

"Mhm, more than okay. I'm sure she was happy to hear that," he muses, "Did she tell you how thick she laid it on in the weeks before you got here? Every time I saw her, she would remind me that I shouldn't miss my chance when you got here."

You gasp at your scheming best friend, "No way! She's the one that's been telling me to get on a dating app! And wanted to set me up with Taro's colleagues!"

Sungchan pouts in faux betrayal, clutching at his heart like he got shot, "Back-stabber! I thought she was on my side!"

You laugh at his antics, "Nah, I think she was playing the long-game with us. Anyway, watch and learn, yeah?"

Sungchan watches in fascination as you show him how to make a salt and chilli rim and how to mix a cocktail together. He's delighted at the way you shake the drink in the shaker the same way bartenders do it and begs you to let him try. You watch him carefully to make sure that the liquid wouldn't explode everywhere throughout your best friend's house and he's smiling in triumph as he strains out the drink into the cup.

You'd forgotten just how adorable he is when he's not trying to ignore you in the room.

"You're an expert too," you clap happily, "Like it?"

"Best cocktail I've ever had! Thank you!" he proclaims, and then sticks himself by your side, slinging a casual arm around your shoulder to pull you close, "I didn't get to say hi properly. Tell me about your day."

"We just went appointment to appointment," you show him your nails that he coos at, "Went café hopping a bit and then came home to chill since it was so sunny."

"Mhm, it'd be so nice to go to the beach," Sungchan sighs dreamily before his expression changes, "Oh, yeah. When are you going back to London?"

"I've got three full days after the wedding," you try to keep your voice steady, not wanting to give away how unsettled you felt about all the uncertainty, "We can spend that time together, yeah?"

He smiles gently, reaching up to tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear and then placing his large palm on your cheek, "We can make the most of it. Then I'll find a good time to come see you in London."

It makes your heart skip a beat, "That'd be nice."

Sungchan's eyes furrow together as he maintains his warm touch on you. He leans down, "Can I kiss you?"

You don't reply. Instead, you reach up and press your lips against his. This time it's sweet and full of adoration instead of the angst and desperation of a few days ago. He smiles against your lips and you taste the hint of salt, vodka and a little something sweet. When he pulls away, he leans his forehead against yours and exhales, content and feeling like he can finally breathe again.

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vi. i trust the universe will always bring me to you

The day comes around all too quickly when time had been passing so slow in the week before. The rehearsal dinner was beautiful, but over in a flash and then suddenly, you were in the guesthouse of the venue, watching with teary eyes as your best friend in the world clips her veil on.

Her mother sniffles next to you, clutching your arm tightly. Hana was biting her pink-stained lips, trying to keep herself from crying off her pretty makeup. The room's drop-dead quiet with all eyes trained on her on her special day.

"My beautiful baby," Hana's mother coos at her only daughter when she looked over at you all expectantly for your reactions.

"You're gonna make me cry! Stop it," she whines adorably, but accepts the tight squeeze her mother wraps her in.

She turns to you and you have to look up to blink the tears away before you can hug her again, "The most beautiful bride in the world," you whisper fondly, "I am so happy for you, Hana."

"Thank you for being here with me," she says sincerely, squeezing your hands, "And for being my best friend in the world."

She gives her bridesmaid hugs too until the coordinator tells you it's time for your best friend to get married. You all file out of the room in order to walk over to the ceremony hall, with Hana being the last one to leave. Ahead of you when you get to the entrance, you finally see the boys all huddled around Shotaro, who looked both nervous and giddy at the same time.

Hana stays hidden from the groom, but you spot the tallest boy of the group and tug on his sleeve.

"Y/N," he gasps when he turns around, his gaze softening into pure adoration, "Oh, baby, you look so beautiful."

The dress you picked out with Hana falls perfectly on your body and the colour is the perfect complement to your skin. The fabric drapes delicately in all the right places and hugs where it should. It makes you feel incredible, especially when Sungchan reacts the way he does.

"You look really handsome too, Sungchan," you reach up to straighten his tie as you all file into your orders.

"Shall we?" Sungchan asks nervously, offering his arm out to you as he notices the other pairs link together.

You smile at him, entwining your arms together and pressing yourself into his side. Before you forget, you turn around to see Shotaro rubbing his hands together.

"It's gonna be amazing, Taro," you reassure him.

Shotaro sighs in relief, "I just can't wait to marry her."

You're happy to know your best friend gets the happy ending she deserves.

Sungchan nudges you when the door opens and the pairs start walking down the aisle. It goes by in a heartbeat for you- you don't even remember what happened between the time you started walking and the time you and Sungchan separated to stand on either side of the altar.

When Hana walks in, you almost cry again. She's radiant in white and her eyes are so full and shiny with love as she keeps her eyes on her groom waiting for her. The wedding is beautiful and the vows make everyone laugh and cry.

You meet Sungchan's eyes multiple times through the ceremony and each time, he gives you this subtle, but comforting smile to reassure you that he was there. You wonder if you'd have been in Hana and Shotaro's place earlier had everything not happened.

Ever since she asked you to be her maid of honour, you've been preparing for the speech you were asked to give at the reception. You're nervous the whole time as the MC introduces you and prepares to hand you the mic and Hana gently squeezes your hand before you stand up with a fond look in her eyes. Sungchan on the other side of Shotaro is still looking at you like you hung the stars.

"For those that don't know me, my name is Y/N and Hana has been my best friend since we were born," you begin slowly, taking the time to breathe, "Our parents are friends from the same neighbourhood and we grew up together, practically as twins. When we were young, we were as inseparable as they came and did everything together. We went to all the same schools, all the way up to college, which was when I introduced Shotaro to her.

"Hana was the reason that I was able to date my first love by her meddling in high school. Ever since then, I had wanted to find the perfect match for her to share her heart with and to make her happy. Sorry Shotaro, but Hana has been my other half since birth and I felt like I knew her well enough to know who she'd click with. When I first met Shotaro in that tiny freshman dorm, I knew he'd be perfect for Hana.

"Taro and Hana are two of the most loving, gentle and caring people I have in my life and I can't be any happier to know that my best friend is loved the exact way she deserves. She's the best person I know and knowing I played a part in introducing her to her person makes me so happy. Even though I'm thousands of miles across the world, their love inspires me every day. They've felt like a married couple since the day they started dating and their love hasn't flickered or weaned once since.

"It feels just like yesterday when Hana and I were planning our dream weddings in our childhood bedrooms and here we are now, marrying you off to the love of your life. May the rest of your life together be filled with endless love and happy memories. I love you both so much."

Hana is tearing up by the time you finish your speech and you have to gulp to hold your own tears back. She stands up to hug you tightly and Shotaro follows beside her. They both thank you for the lovely speech and you hand the mic over to Sungchan once he's announced.

"When I met Shotaro on the first day of freshman year, I was honestly terrified. He looked so intimidating and scary up until I found out that it was only because he wasn't quite fluent in Korean yet and was actually from Japan. We were roommates in freshman year, so we got to know each other pretty well. He's been my best friend since and I'm grateful to have such a thoughtful, considerate, sweet and of course, talented, friend in him.

"Taro and Hana's very first date was at a diner on the other side of the city. What you two don't know is that Y/N and I actually followed you there and spied on you in wigs and glasses," you gasp in remembrance at the memory and burst out into a large smile, "And then we swore to each other that we'd keep this secret until your wedding day after your disastrous first date when you both came home crying in frustration because you liked each other so much that you were too nervous on the first date. We had to chaperone your next few dates and it was such an honour for us to watch you fall in love with each other with our very own eyes.

"I met Hana at 14 and I was scared of her for a few years, but even then, I knew she was a crazy loyal best friend to Y/N, who would do anything for her best friend's happiness. Even now, she shows me she cares in all the small and big ways and having the two of them in my life makes me feel very lucky. And even though I cringe at you two for still being in your honeymoon phase 8 years later, I couldn't be any happier that you have each other to have and to hold. Thank you for everything you've done for me and I also love you both very, very much."

Later on in the night after the dinner and cake-cutting, Jiwoo, Seunghan and Sungchan join you at the bar getting the signature cocktails created by the couple.

"You guys did such lovely speeches," Jiwoo says sincerely, clinking her drink against yours.

"Thank you. I didn't want to embarrass them so I held back on that aspect," Sungchan chuckles.

"And you mentioned that Hana set you up with your first love. Are you still together? Are they here?" she asks you curiously, innocent to the situation.

Seunghan coughs into his drink and has to turn around to control his face. Sungchan tenses up beside you, but you look over at him and smile softly, "Yeah, he's here."

Jiwoo's eyes widen in shock as she begins to laugh awkwardly, "Oh! I'm sorry- I didn't know you guys were together! Hana never mentioned!"

"Don't worry, Jiwoo," you reassure her.

"Jiwoo, look- Mina's calling you over," Seunghan points out across the room, where Mina, Taehee and Anton were chatting at a table. Jiwoo flashes a sheepish smile before she disappears away into the crowd. The younger boy looks between the two of you, "I thought that was taboo."

Sungchan rolls his eyes at his friend and places his free hand around your waist to the bewilderment of Seunghan, "None of your business."

He slaps his palm across his mouth, "I knew it! I knew this was going to happen."

"Don't go around telling everyone now," you request from him, "It's Hana and Taro's wedding after all."

"Of course," Seunghan nods enthusiastically and then relaxes into a soft smile, "I'm happy for the two of you, though."

He's whisked away by Eunseok and Wonbin, who both stare confused at your proximity but decide against saying anything as they get chased down by Hana's eccentric grandmother who always loved Eunseok when you were all younger.

Sungchan squeezes at your waist, "How you feeling?"

You look around the room at mostly familiar faces and the sight of your best friends breaking it down on the dance floor, "It's crazy- like, they're really married! When did we all grow up so fast?"

"I know, right? They'll be having kids soon, I bet," Sungchan agrees with a fond stare over at the couple, "The wedding was so beautiful as well."

"But then it's over just like that," you sigh, "Well, I guess those two are going off to their honeymoon literally tonight, so it won't feel like it's over for them yet."

"Oh, tonight? They're just leaving you in the house alone?" Sungchan raises an eyebrow curiously.

"Mhm, Hana didn't want me to book a hotel for just a few days," you say off-handedly, not picking up on his tone.

"Oh," Sungchan gulps, "I don't want you to be alone- do you, maybe, wanna come over?"

When your head whips around to look at him, he's already flushing red. You don't know if it's the alcohol or something else, but he's gnawing on his lip. You just give him a reassuring smile, "I'd like that, actually."

After some dancing with your best friend and childhood friends and some mingling with the parents, you're saying a very tearful goodbye to Hana and Shotaro in the foyer of the venue. Their bags are packed and with them and they're about to head to the airport to jet away.

"Promise you'll come back more often, yeah?" Hana is crying into your shoulder, "Thank you for everything you've done this week. I'm gonna miss you so much."

You have a feeling you'll be back much sooner than another 4 years.

"Enjoy yourself, okay? You're gonna have such a great time, Mrs. Osaki!" you sniffle into her jumper.

You embrace Shotaro in a similar fashion as he also thanks you for the help. He drops a wink as he says, "Check on the house at least once before you go, okay? I know you probably won't be there much."

"No idea what you're talking about," you try to keep a straight face, but you both burst out laughing.

You watch them ride off into the night in a blacked out SUV and try to dry your tears as you feel a weight drop on your shoulders in the form of an arm, "Ready to go? The taxi's coming soon."

Sungchan's presence is warm in the blustery foyer, "Yeah."

౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆

You rest your eyes with your head on his shoulder the entire journey back to Sungchan's place. His hand finds home on your thigh, the pad of his thumb brushing repeatedly over the silk of your dress. His suit jacket sits comfortably around your shoulders as you doze in and out of sleep, but the car stops before you've even realised.

"We're here, Y/N," he whispers to pull you into consciousness. He thanks the driver and rushes around to your door to open it for you.

It's dark when you step out and the nearest street light doesn't illuminate your surroundings enough for you to recognise what part of the city you were in. Sungchan grips your hand in his tightly all the way through the side-street and into the lobby of the apartment building.

He keeps quiet beside you, only the pattering of your heels and his dress shoes echoing into the empty room. You come to your senses quickly and then gasp.

"Sungchan," you freeze beside him.

He chuckles softly, "Yeah, I know."

"No one told me," you say quietly as he leads you to the elevator, "Chanie."

"It's home," he shrugs as he presses the floor of the apartment.

You're nervous when you get off at the floor, then it grows as he keys in the code on the pad. You gulp at the order of the numbers- the same sequence it's been since you moved in four and a half years ago.

"Welcome back," Sungchan murmurs behind you. He places his hand on the small of your back to gently guide you inside, since your feet were planted into the ground.

It smells exactly the same as when you left (though more of his scent and none of yours) and then he turns the lights on and you choke up as it looks nearly identical as before. It's the very first home you and your first love moved into together and it breaks your heart all over again to know he's been living here this whole time.

The shoe rack you picked out still sits by the door, but it's only occupied by large men's shoes now. The artwork you and Sungchan bickered about is still hanging above the chest of drawers on the other side of the door where you used to dump keys and bags and other knick knacks you collected for the 6 months you lived here.

"Oh, baby, don't cry," Sungchan is now in front of you, wiping at the tears you didn't even know were falling.

"Why didn't you move out?" you lean into his touch.

"Because this was our first home," he says, "And this was all I had left of you."

You crash your body against his, wrapping your arms around his waist tightly as your tears soaked into his dress shirt, now stained with your makeup.

"Shh, don't cry, my love. It's okay. I was strong enough," Sungchan murmurs into your hair as he presses his lips into your scalp, "You know that I love you, mhm? I always will."

"Channie, I love you," you cry even harder as he squeezes you, "I'm so, so sorry."

"I know. But you came back home to me," Sungchan sighs contently, smoothing your hair down to comfort you, "That's all I can ask for."

"I ruined us."

Sungchan shakes his head, "No, baby. You're here now. It's fine."

"It's all my fault."

Sungchan unwraps your arms from around him and takes your hand to lead you to the bedroom you made home in the past. He sits you down at the edge of the bed as you cry and crouches in front of you, holding your hands.

"You look so, so beautiful, my love. Don't cry, come on," he soothes, "I'm here, Y/N. I'm here."

Sungchan finds a packet of makeup wipes from your bag and swipes gently at your face as you sniffle and try to stop your tears. He goes through a few before the makeup is no longer staining your face and he hands you some tissue to blow your nose from the sobbing. While he waits for you patiently, you look up at the ceiling to try and stop the hot, silent tears that kept escaping.

"Do you think we'd have been married by now?" you ask, guilt surging in your vessels, "We always wanted to get married as soon as possible."

Sungchan's soft gaze falters for a second, but then he comes up to sit next to you and wrap you in his large arms, "It doesn't matter, Y/N. It's not your fault."

"But I left," you mutter.

"And I made you feel like you had to," Sungchan pats you comfortingly, "We'll be better this time, mhm? We'll know better."

"But what if I'm not the same person anymore you used to love?"

Sungchan furrows his brows tightly together, "That's nonsense. The moment I saw you again in that café, I knew. You're still the one who has my heart. I promise."

He holds you a few minutes longer, whispering sweet nothings into your ears as you halt the crying. You grip onto him tightly, afraid he was going to leave you- ironic, isn't it?

When you finally calm down, he drags you to the bathroom to brush your teeth together with his spare toothbrush and he washes your face with a foaming cleanser while you do the same to him. When you're applying his moisturiser on your skin, he watches from behind you, arms holding onto your waist as he blinks slowly through the mirror. And when you realise you don't have any clothes, he unzips your dress from the top and dresses you up in one of his favourite shirts, adoring the way it swamps you.

He gives you this look and pulls you under the sheets, immediately tackling you into a hug and covering your body with his.

"This isn't really taking it slow, is it?" you hum, tracing shapes onto his bare arms.

"It is for me," Sungchan's eyes flutter shut in contentment, "If I had things my way, we'd be up on that altar beside Taro and Hana. How does a double wedding sound to you?"

You gasp and break out into laughter as you shove against his body, but he pulls you in tighter, "Shut up. You'd so be the type to propose at someone else's wedding."

He scoffs, as if offended, "Hell no. Do you wanna know how I'd do it?" you miss the way his voice wavers. His eyes are still closed and you're staring into his chest, "In a flower field or meadow, you in a pretty dress. Maybe we'd have a picnic, but it would be definitely be on a sunny day because you're extra happy when the sun is out. I'd set up a camera or something. Say I want to take pictures of us and there's no one else around. And when I succeed in distracting you, I would get down on one knee and you'd turn around and start crying, probably. And you'd love the ring too."

Your voice drops to barely a whisper, "Seems like you've thought about it a lot."

"You were the only person I could have ever imagined spending my life with. And I didn't want to spend any time apart from you," Sungchan admits, "When I bought the ring after saving my first few pays, I got scared and I pulled away. I had no idea it would drive you away in the end. I'm sorry for that."

Your heart stops, "The ring?"

He lets out this heavy sigh as he turns around and reaches over to pull his nightstand drawer open. He digs around into the depths of it and pulls out a box. It looks tiny in the palm of his hands and he presents it to you with his big brown eyes suddenly tearing up. He's doing that thing where he's nibbling on his lips and looking up and away to stop the tears falling.

"I don't want you to feel guilty or sorry. I just need you to know everything before we can start again," he mumbles, "If you want to open it, you can. Of if you don't, you don't have to."

For the countless time since the day started, you're crying again. You're in his arms, again.

"Sungchan," you cry out, "You were going to propose?"

"I wanted forever with you," he coo's sweetly, brushing the hair out of your face to plant kisses on your cheeks, "I still do."

You take the box from his hold and open it slowly, breath hitched. He's right- you love it so much that your stomach twists into itself. You had always wondered what ring would call to your heart- you didn't think you could describe it if someone asked, but Sungchan had known then, even without asking.

"It's a bit dusty now. I haven't looked at it in a while," Sungchan giggles.

Your heart is beating fast, almost out of your chest as you eye the metal and the precious stone. It's even better than any ring you saw in that jewellery store with him. You can feel his eyes locked on you as you take the ring out from its plush cushion and inspect it close up.

The room is only lit with a dim lamp, but the stone sparkles in the dark anyway. You can see something engraved inside the band, but your hands can't stop shaking long enough to read it. Sungchan's looking at you and he looks nearly exactly the same as he did 4 years ago in this very spot.

"Do you like it?" he asks quietly, "I picked it out by myself."

You don't say another word as you toss the box beside you and slip the ring effortlessly on the finger it was intended to rest on. Sungchan opens his mouth but you catch the gasp with your kiss as you smash your lips against his. He makes this strangulated noise as his fingers dig in to the side of your hips to pull you over him and his tongue slips into your mouth.

You kiss fervently, ferociously, having been devoid of his taste for more days than you wish would have passed. The cold metal of the ring digs into the side of his cheek, but Sungchan has never known more bliss than this.

"You can't take it back," Sungchan pants against your lips as he captured them again in a hot kiss. His hands slide up your bare flanks under the loose shirt and you detach from his mouth just to be able to gnaw at the side of his neck in that one spot you remember he loves.

His sweet mouth curses into the still air, "Fuck, Y/N."

"I love you," you murmur into his neck as his hands run wild, "I always will."

Sungchan places a hand over yours, the stone now digging into his palms. It's worth it, he tells himself now. You're here, he tells himself.

"I love you. It'll only ever be you."

౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆

vii. i'm always, forever, runnin' back to you

The city is too polluted for you to ever feel like you're taking in a breath of fresh air. You should probably hold your breath, even.

Though the sky is teetering on the border of blue and grey, the sun still peeks through the clouds and greets you with a diffuse, warm light. You're humming to yourself as you walk down the street, head up to avoid walking into anyone. There's no music in your ears because you want to appreciate the rare sunny days that look like they'll be pulled from under you at any minute.

Your surroundings are familiar, having walked them nearly daily for the past few years, but when it comes to a crossing, you turn left today and instead of right. It's a diversion you take on special occasions- a diversion that takes you to your favourite café in the entire city. They serve the best cakes and pastries that are the cherry on top to anything you have to celebrate. Sometimes it's a promotion, sometimes a birthday and other times just a hard day that you didn't think you would make it out the other side of.

Before it comes into view, your phone rings.

"Hello?"

"Hey," your best friend's voice rings out through the speaker, "You finished work?"

"Mhm, I'm walking to that café I took you to now," you tell her, "What are you doing up? It must be, what? 2 or 3 in the morning there?"

"Late night at the office anyway with this huge case. I just got home," she sighs and you can finally hear the exhaustion in her voice, "But I also couldn't miss this. I'm proud of you."

"It's kind of a bittersweet feeling," you hum thoughtfully, "Thank you for calling, Han. But get yourself to sleep now."

"Are you at the café now?"

You nod before you realise she can't see you so you affirm verbally as the shop front enters your field of vision. You're met with a surprise that causes a smile to spread on your face.

"Yeah, just got here. I'll talk to you and Taro soon, okay?" you coo at your best friend who bids you farewell before you hang up the phone.

There's a tall figure leaning against the brick wall beside the shop entrance. He's got his hands in both pockets and he's watching your every step with an impatient, but fond stare.

"You said you weren't here yet!"

"Took your time, hm?" his voice is the closest thing that feels like home now until you walk straight into him and wrap your arms around his torso, "Surprise!"

"It's my last time doing that walk," your own voice muffles against his black shirt.

"How was your last day of work?" Sungchan strokes your hair gently as you bury yourself closer.

"I cried a bit saying goodbye to my co-workers," you admit, "But I know this is the right choice. I didn't even mean to stay here this long."

Sungchan hums from above, "Thank you for choosing this, though."

You look around the street you find yourself on in this area of London, knowing it's the last time you'll be here for a long time until you decide to come back and visit.

"Home has always been where you are," you pull away from him to intertwine your hands, "I miss Seoul and everyone there. London has taught me so much, but mostly that I can't live without you. These past 5 months were horrific too."

"Well, we're on the other side now," Sungchan leads you into your favourite café, the one you showed him when he first visited London 5 months ago just a few weeks after your friends' wedding.

You recommend things to order and end up with a generous spread on the table. Sungchan watches with a loving gaze as you arrange the plates to form an aesthetic birds eye view and you snap away with your phone camera.

You handed in your notice as soon as you got back from the wedding, but you had to wait to wrap up the big project that you had just started back then. Sungchan flew to London three weeks after the wedding on a whim and you had spent those two weeks he could work remotely playing house in your apartment in the evenings and showing him around the UK on the weekends. Then, you were apart for 5 months as he saved up his holiday time at his work and you were only connected via late night and early morning video calls to satisfy the itch of being together.

It wasn't always easy, of course. There were some weeks that you were able to spend more time with each other than others and it got frustrating at times, but you always managed to put it back into perspective that it wasn't long until you were reunited again without a looming flight to take you away.

He arrived in London a few days ago, helping to pack up your place while you were tying the last few loose ends at your job. It always felt nice coming back home to him at the end of the day and going back to Seoul feels like such a relief knowing you're going to come back home to him again every day for hopefully the rest of your life.

You and Sungchan share each dish, savouring your last bites for the foreseeable future. He takes photos of you when he thinks you're not looking and you kick against his feet casually. It feels like you're still in your honeymoon phase, even though you should be celebrating 10 years of your relationship this year. To be fair, it's only been 6 months since you've rekindled, but your love still burns bright like it was never encased into a small flicker.

He holds your hand the entire walk home, brushing his thumb on your skin as he talks your ear off about everything and nothing in the world. Being by his side brings you this peace and comfort that you didn't even realise you were lacking, as if your body has just been running on auto-pilot the past few years without him, surviving only long enough until you were finally reunited again.

"Hana's gonna be so excited too," Sungchan exhales, an air of anticipation in his voice.

One thing about you and Hana- you could keep secrets for the benefit of the other. She knew how shocked you'd be when she turned up at your door in London over a year ago with that ring. You decided to turn the table on your best friend, waiting the 6 months until you got back in Seoul to tell her about the ring that was sitting on the ring finger of your hand.

Even your parents don't know yet, wanting to wait until you could tell them in person. In a perfect world, Sungchan would have liked to ask your parents for your hand in marriage beforehand, but considering how excited they were to see you two holding hands and slow-dancing together at the wedding, neither of you think either set of parents would care.

Your mother has been begging for Sungchan to come and visit the house while you've been in London, claiming she was due a catch up with him, but you begged her to relax until you were back in the city.

"We'll have so much to do when we get back to Seoul," you hum along, "Hana and Taro seemed kinda stressed doing all of it too."

"But now they've experienced it, they can help us," Sungchan shrugs and goes quiet for a second before he starts kind of giggling.

Though it makes your heart burst at his adorable nature, you look at him quizzically, "What?"

"We're getting married," he continues that cute noise as he squeezes your hand in a pulsatile manner, "I'm getting married to the love of my life."

You roll your eyes playfully but your cheeks are turning pink as joy blooms in the depths of your bones, "Yeah, yeah, and lucky you, you didn't even have to organise a proposal."

Sungchan gasps and he splats your still-entwined hands over his heart like he was just shot, "Y/N," he whines, "I told you I would organise one! You don't know how much I want to properly propose to you."

You chuckle at him softly and nudge his side, "I'm just playing. You know that our moment was perfect. It was so very us."

"Don't worry, baby. I'm gonna plan the most perfect wedding for us too," he smiles down at you.

"What did I do to deserve such a sweetheart like you?" you press a kiss into the back of his hand as the two of you enter the tube station together.

You know he hates it whenever you talk about feeling guilty for the past or not being enough for him. You've been working through your feelings over these months, trying to be more open while he does his best to reassure you. But Sungchan gives you this look, just perfectly content in this moment, "I'm just for you, and you're just for me. It'll always be that way. Now let's go home."

you look at the text on your phone, contemplating all the decisions that have led you to this moment.

im outside.

it started out as a normal night. you went out with your two friends to a local dive bar you recently started to frequent. but just before the last call your friend showed a text of a party near you that was “lit”. you had planned to leave this with your friends at beginning of the night. your plans quickly changed after your third shot at the party. from that moment on you were texting your ex, eunseok. 

the worst part is that you had been so good about no contact. the night of the breakup you laid in your bed with tear stains on your pillow and cheeks. you had told him that you guys would remain friends but you realized that you would never be able to move on unless you cut him from your life completely. so you blocked him on every social media platform and then deleted and blocked his number as well. the solution was to not even give yourself the option to reach out to him and not let him even try to speak a word to you. you would see him occasionally due to overlapping friend groups but you were so good at pretending he wasn’t there. unfortunately, tonight was the night you folded.

the music at the house party wasn’t overbearing, but the alcohol was making you irritable.

“can they turn the music down?” you yelled into yunjin’s ear.

“i can’t hear you!” yunjin yelled back.

“can i have another shot?” you yelled at giselle this time, who had a vice grip on a bottle of vodka. when giselle looked at you with confusion you pointed at the bottle of vodka then pointed at your red solo cup.

“i think you’ve had enough to drink.” giselle laughs. you look to yunjin for support but she nods in agreement with giselle. ever since the breakup, you often found yourself in the position of being their de facto daughter. the pair had always doted on you, but you always credited that to them being two years your senior. when eunseok broke your heart (or you broke his) this increased their maternal instinct to protect you. 

“i’m literally going through a breakup and you wont give me a shot?” you put on your best betrayal act to efforts to bum alcohol off your responsible friends. both yunjin and giselle laugh.

“you and eunseok broke up months ago” giselle says.

“you tend to bring him up only when you’re drunk so i’m actually starting to think the alcohol has a reverse effect.” yunjin says. giselle’s eyes light up at the realization.

“wait that’s actually true! you never talk about him any other time.” giselle agreed.

you quickly realize this conversation isn’t going in your favor. so you pull out all the stops and become the most dramatic version of yourself. you point the red solo cup towards giselle, shaking like a leaf. you paint your face with a look of dread, like you are dying of dehydration.

“need…..alcohol” you say in a fake raspy voice. giselle playfully narrows her eyes.

“okay but this is the last shot. for all of us.” giselle is pouring a little bit into all of your cups. you three clink the plastic cups together and swiftly take it.

almost immediately after that shot your mind started tormenting you with flashbacks. eunseok having your legs spread while he felt you up everywhere. being bent over the kitchen counter completely at his mercy. feeling his big hand press on the small of your back. how he used to have you like a folding chair taking it all. you tried hard to push down the thoughts but you swear you could hear him over your shoulder calling you a good girl before you sat down on a barstool. giselle and yunjin look at you.

“everything alright, buddy?” yunjin says slowly, already knowing what you’re gonna say.

“i’m dizzy.” you confess. and it was the absolute truth. flashbacks of being with eunseok made you realize that you were starved in every sense of the word, nearly knocking you off balance. you swayed a little bit and giselle grabbed your arm.

“okay i think it’s time to call it a night!” giselle giggled as she held on to you, also a bit tipsy.

giselle and yunjin left with you in tow. walking in front of you, leading you through the crowd. you made sure that they couldn’t see you pull out your phone. your tipsy fingers worked quickly texting a number you knew you shouldn’t have memorized.

heyyy

once outside the cold air sobered you up enough to the point that you made a plan. the first step of the plan was to be sent home in an car alone.

“i don’t want you guys to stop having fun because of me.” you say, turning towards giselle and yunjin.

“the party was getting boring anyways. i just want to go home and watch some tv at this point” giselle says looking at her phone. you assumed she was looking at prices to get home. “are you cool with spending the night at our place?”

before you could answer you felt your phone vibrate. someone was calling you.

you unfortunately already knew where you were going to be tonight. you just couldn’t let your friends find out.

“i want to go home honestly. in my own bed.” you said stretching your arms out and yawn.

“are you sure that’s even safe? you drank alot tonight.” yunjin says.

“yuqi is already up around this time, if i need help she will be there for me. besides the amount of alcohol i drank was like super spread out over the night.” 

yunjin and giselle look to one another. time to pull out the trump card.

“i feel like ever since me and eunseok broke up you guys treat me like i’m a baby. i’m an adult i can make my own decisions.”

after saying that, you can see the faces of yunjin and giselle change. you know that they also want to be alone without you tagging along, sticking to their side like a child.

“it’s only because you’re drunk, that’s why.” yunjin says.

“the cold air is sobering me up. and i’m going to bed immediately once i lay down.” 

yunjin and giselle debate on what to say. before they can come to an agreement, a car comes and stops on the curb. it waits in front of the house.

your phone has since stopped ringing, instead you get a small vibration indicating a text message. you quickly take a glance at your phone to see what it says.

black rolls royce phantom license plate cvent1

call me when you get in.

you look towards the car parked on the curb. you’re certain that it’s the car eunseok sent you based on the description. 

“my ride is here” you say meekly, knowing what reaction you are going to get. yunjin and giselle look at you confused and flustered.

“when did you call a ride?” giselle asks.

“why didn’t you tell us?” yunjin sounds angry.

“yuqi called it for me, she said she owes me from last time we went out drinking.” you say, rubbing the back of your head.

you are impressed at how quickly you came up with the lie, since you are quite flustered as well. how did he know where you were? where was this car going to take you? you had so many questions but you had to seem confident that you were going home, or else they were going to tag along.

“i told you i’m fine, yuqi is going to be waiting for me outside and everything.” you assure your friends.

“okay, fine.” yunjin gives up trying to debate with you.

“text us when you get home.” giselle points at you, trying to be as authoritative as possible.

“i will. i love you guys.” you go over to yunjin and giselle to give them hugs.

“love you too bae.” yunjin says giving you a hug.

giselle gives you a hug before opening the car door for you. you make sure the door is closed before the driver says “ride for eunseok?” you nod your head and roll down the window.

“i’ll text you guys when i get home!” you shout to your friends as the car drives off.

“make sure you drink water!” yunjin yells as you drive off.

you roll up the window and click on the notification of the missed call. you expect it to keep ringing, to leave you hanging the way you left him hanging. 

it can’t even get through the first ring.

“hey. are you in the car?”

you can’t say anything back. it has been so long since you’ve heard his voice. since it’s been directed at you. your nails instinctively dig into your thigh, trying to use the pain to bring you back on this plane of existence.

“hey.”

silence. you forgot to answer his question

“yes i’m in the car.”

“alright,” eunseok says and pauses for a moment. “it’s taking you home.”

“what? i thought it was bringing me to your place?” you say a little louder than you thought. the driver looks up at the rear view mirror to look at you.

“do yunjin and giselle know who called that cab for you?” 

god, you hated him so much. the smile you could hear in his voice. the way he already knew you were lying to them.

“they think yuqi called it.”

“they think yuqi sent you a rolls royce?”

“they don’t know cars, eunseok.”

you can hear a sigh on the other end of the line. you wonder what he’s wearing. if he’s wearing pants that hugged his legs in all the right places. or that navy hoodie that was a little too big, showing off the area surrounding his neck. you think about sweatpants drifting a little too low, that would give you the slightest peak at his body

“what are you thinking about?” 

“what are you wearing?” you try to whisper so the poor driver isn’t subjected to your suggestive thoughts you say out loud.

eunseok laughs on the other end of the line.

“how much have you had to drink?”

“i had a few but over the course of the night. i’m not plastered.”

another long bout of silence. you start thinking about yunjin and giselle’s disappointed faces when your lies eventually catch up to you. they aren’t directly friends with yuqi, but all it takes is one conversation to reveal the truth. or they could be worried that you got into a car you thought was for you.

“was it a bad idea to call you?” you say. you play with the hem of your dress.

more silence.

“well, can’t two people reconnect?”

you try to not let your smile change your tone. you grab the end of your dress, wrinkling the fabric.

“can you make this car go towards your place?”

“it already is.”

“you’re such an ass.” you groan into the phone. he was too good at playing you. 

“text me when you get here. i’ll wait for you in the lobby.”

after the driver leaves you in front of the building you sent the text. you go to the door and try to punch in the code from muscle memory but nothing happens. instead you opt to sit on the steps, trying to calculate when would be the appropriate time to text your friends you made it home safe. 

your thoughts are interrupted by the front door of the building opening. you look behind you and see eunseok staring back at you. you quickly stand up.

you two stand like that for a moment, staring like deers caught in the headlights. eunseok is the first to compose himself.

“pretty dress.” he says after looking you up and down. he walks back into the building holding the door open for you.

the two of you are now in the lobby, trying not to make too much noise. you walk down the narrow hallways of the lobby, muscle memory taking you towards the elevator.

“it’s out of service, princess.” eunseok used your old nickname and you stopped dead in your tracks. you turn around nonchalantly but just hearing that nickname has you ready to jump him in the small hallway.

“you live like five floors up.” you groan looking up the winding staircase. you make a loud clack with each step in your boots, your feet will be sore tomorrow.

eunseok lets out a breath and walks down the steps and bends down. “hop on.” is all he says.

now he’s giving you a piggyback ride up the countless flights of stairs. you try not to focus on how he’s palming your thigh, or how you can feel his toned body through his hoodie. eunseok carries you like you’re nothing and that feeling returns when you think about how he used manhandle you and toss you around like a doll. you let out a deep breath, inhaling his smell that you find so intoxicating.

he finishes going up another flight when he pulls you a little closer to his body. you pull him in a little tighter with your arms.

“how was the party?” he tries to sound nonchalant, looking over his shoulder at you to ask the question.

“how’d you know i was at the party?” you ask. although you already know. user36384847383 on instagram that always looked at your stories had to belong to somebody.

“you always do something after the bar.” eunseok looks away, realizing he might’ve gotten caught.

“i didn’t start going to the bar until after we broke up.” you say, smiling.

“we are here!” eunseok says before loudly letting you go. you find your balance as you walk down the hallway towards his door. with his hand on the small of your back, he makes sure you are balanced. his hand is almost like a ghost, not daring to push you towards his apartment in any way. despite this, it still feels like you’re heading towards your doom. months of no contact down the drain. all the hard work trying to forget everything about him has been reversed. just as you think about turning back, his hand slowly drifts down to rest on your ass. 

you’re in front of his door now, and he looks at you while turning the doorknob. you look at him, look at his lips and the flashbacks hit you again.

fuck it, it’s fine. you use your hand to push open the door and the two of you walk in.

you kick off your shoes and close the door behind you. eunseok kicks off his sandals and here you two are, standing in his entry way. last time you were here you had the last of your things in a backpack holding back tears. now here you are. tipsy and horny and confused and…

“there’s no pressure here. i know no contact was important to you. you can sleep on the bed and i can take the couch.” eunseok leans against the wall opposite of the door. you hear what he’s saying clearly, but when you see the way he’s looking at you, you can’t hear your thoughts.

you walk over to him and you grab his hand. eunseok looks at you, waiting for your next move. you take his hand and put it on your waist. instantly his hand finds purchase in the dip, squeezing like he’s trying to check if you’re real.

you look up to him and kiss his lips. he brings you in closer. you lean even closer to him. eunseok puts his hands underneath your thighs and you jump. he catches and holds you easily, deepening the kiss. 

“the couch?” you ask, pulling away. eunseok starts walking you towards his room, passing the small beat up couch.

“anton is coming home in the morning. he’s been sleeping there.” eunseok pushes open his door. you see almost nothing has changed, expect for the missing framed photos of you two.

“i thought you lived alone?” you closed his bedroom door behind you, still in his arms. 

“he needed a place to crash closer to campus while he works on some music thing. and i was a little lonely.” eunseok finishes his sentence with a little laugh. he brings you back in for a kiss and you put your hands on his shoulder and cheek. 

should you say you’re sorry? if he felt lonely because you iced him out for months? should you say aw because he’s is opening up to you? everything is too confusing all you want is to turn off your mind and feel good.

like he always has been able to, eunseok knows what you’re thinking. that’s why he wordlessly sits on the bed, back resting against the headboard. he sets you down on the bed and you face him. you look at his lips before you can lean in for a kiss, eunseok gently turns you around. eunseok pulls you into him, so your back is flush with his chest. he puts his head over your shoulder to whisper into your ear.

“spread your legs.”

you do it without hesitation. spreading your legs you also bend them at the knee. your dress bunches up above your hips as an effect. eunseok’s hands are on your inner thighs instantly, caressing the plush skin. eunseok laughs at how pliant you are. how desperate you must be.

“forgot how soft you are.” eunseok breathes into your ear. “remember how you’d always close them on me, baby? when i’d eat you out?”

how can he be so vulgar with all his clothes still on? you felt your face heating up, recalling the memories too. all you can do is nod and lean further into his chest. you let your head lean back, resting on his shoulder. you are giving him full access to your neck. and use your hands to push your dress further up your body, just below your belly button. you’ll never be able to voice how badly you want him to kiss you everywhere, not without dying from embarrassment.

“that’s how i know you aren’t getting fucked right. so hot and bothered just by this.” he laughs into your hair now. he’s got you and he’s got you good. nothing on god’s earth could pull you away from this feeling. especially when his slender finger pulls the elastic band of your panties, letting it snap back into place on your skin. you whimper, grabbing onto his arm.

“so sensitive.” his middle finger slowly touches your cunt. he ghosts the finger in a repeated motion up and down. “so. so. sensitive.”

“i’m just really, really horny right now.” you try to regain your composure or at least some sense of control. this is abandoned when eunseok smacks your clothed heat. you jump backwards, moving further into him. you can feel his dick against you.

“ouch.” you say in a breathy whimper.

“i’m sorry.” eunseok is all but convincing, smirking into your hair. his middle finger presses a little harder into you. “but i think you deserve a little pain.” eunseok goes back to slightly raising the waistband of your underwear to let it snap on your skin again.

you want to protest but you absolutely can't deny it. you take this as penance. for leaving him alone and ignoring him after the breakup. for blocking him with no explanation. for calling him for dick after getting a little tipsy. so you let your fate rest in eunseok’s hands as you let out a sigh. 

“good girl.” eunseok knows you have completely submitted to him. “i’ll take good care of you.”

eunseok starts slowly sucking at your neck and you crane it desperately to give him more space to work with. your panties have been pushed to the side and his lengthy middle finger still slowly drags itself up and down.

“you’re so wet.” eunseok presses his finger a little deeper into your slit. he repeats this motion and you can hear the wetness, like tapping a puddle.

“has anyone else seen you like this?” 

you shake your head. no one else could ever have you spread out like this. although what you and eunseok had is over, he was your first for everything. slowly the two of you chiseled away at the walls you put up in embarrassment of being in college with no experience. you found out what made eachother insane in bed. you still remember getting over the hump of showing eunseok your bare body for the first time. laying in bed naked and in embrace. eunseok telling you how beautiful you were. no one else in this world will ever have you open like this or could see you in a moment where you’re so weak.

“only you. always…only you.” you couldn’t tell if your string of words were intelligible. all you knew was that eunseok slipped his finger inside of you.

the grip on his arm only tightened as you spread your legs even wider. against your back you could feel him twitch.

“what about your fingers?”

“they don’t feel as good as yours.” you pout. now you're grinding your hips into his hand, begging for more.

“add another one.” you say, out of breath.

“say my name.” eunseok says simply.

“add another one eunseok,” eunseok uses his index finger to tease you. “please.”

eunseok has two fingers in you now. just from this and hearing his breathing in your ear you’re close to losing your mind. eunseok doesn’t even have to move his fingers anymore. you are doing the grinding all on your own. eunseok uses his free hand to pull the low cut of your dress down to expose your boobs. he pinches a nipple in his hand and you gasp out loud.

“god.” eunseok moans into your hair. you whimper in response, focusing on all the work he’s making you do. “you know i almost fucked that girl you always said liked me.”

“yeji?” you try your best to sound disgusted, but all eunseok hears is your breathy moan.

“yup. she talked big game and everything. but she can’t compare to this.” eunseok uses his free hand to squeeze your boob for emphasis.

i just…i would’ve just fucked jaehyun.” 

almost instantly eunseok removes his fingers from you. he withdraws his lips from your neck. you look back at him in confusion.

“jaehyun would never do this for you. go forward. ass in the air.”

you get on your hands and knees in front of eunseoks lap. you move a little forward as you try to hike your ass in the air as high as possible. you haven't had an opportunity to practice your arch in a few months.

“it’s like muscle memory, baby” eunseok is behind you bringing your body up slightly to perfect your form. the power in his grip catches you off guard while you become a ragdoll to him. 

you hear eunseok get off the bed and the zipper of his hoodie. he takes his time taking off his clothes, probably reveling in the fact you are waiting for him in such a compromising position.

eunseok comes back onto the bed and slowly brings your lower half to meet his. you feel his length and you moan purely from the feeling. you move your ass back in efforts to grind back on him but a handful of your ass keeps you in place. eunseok takes your panties off from behind you, helping you lift your knees off the bed to completely remove them. you don't say anything when you see eunseok put your panties in the drawer of his bedside dresser.

“be a good girl for me.” eunseok says it into your bottom half, so you’re unsure if he’s talking to you or your pussy. you comply anyway, staying in the spot he leaves you. 

you can feel eunseok staring at your spread pussy. he doesn’t say a word, nor does he touch you. the lack of interaction the anxiety starts to kick in. what if he says he doesn’t want to do it anymore? what if you think hes looking at you but hes looking at his phone texting someone? it doesn't make any sense why you look back, afraid to see his face of regret. instead you see eunseok’s face with an emotion you can’t pinpoint.

“what’s wrong?” your voice is so quiet. eunseok’s is even quieter.

“can i eat you out, baby?”

eunseok eats your pussy like a man who is starved. he started by licking the entire length of you in one swift motion. this is followed with him tonguing your slit. you try not to think too much about his nose and how it pokes your ass. eunseok pulls away from your slit and his tongue attaches to your clit. he sucks on the sensitive nub while flicking it with his tongue. you try not to rock into his face, chasing a high you haven’t felt in months. after eunseok gets his fingers in the mix you are lifting yourself off the bed. his ministrations only pick up in intensity, trying to bring you to the brink as fast as possible. 

slowly his face pulls away from your clit after straining his neck to reach it. the angle was originally pretty awkward, with eunseok on his knees spreading your cheeks to eat you out. you were under the impression that him pulling away meant you’d be getting his dick next. instead, eunseok gets on his back and pushes himself so slot in between your legs. you see his face, so serene and protected. his eyes are so brown and his lips are so plump and his hair is so mused. nothing can replace eunseok in your mind. you are too preoccupied with your feelings to stop yourself from being brought down to his face with his strength.

you don’t want to accidentally put all your weight on his face and break his neck. you try pulling yourself up, but his hands on your thighs hold you in place. he looks up at you with wide eyes, like an animal whose food is being taken away. he eats at you with a hunger you’ve never seen. before you know it all your reservations are gone and you’re riding his face.

“eunseok…it feels so goodddd.” you lean back, hands grabbing his thighs to steady yourself. “i can’t believe you’re doing this.”

“i can’t believe you’re letting me. i want to die with you on my face.” eunseok uses his hands on your thighs to bring you even closer to his face. he fucks you with his tongue, lapping up everything your body gives him.

you can feel your orgasm coming. your skin starts to feel like it’s on fire with the white and fuzzy feeling coming to you. you look down at eunseok, who is already locked into your face. he’s checking your emotions and reading you like a book. your moans are the gospel or the angel that comes to sit on his shoulder and whisper in his ear. eunseok smiles into your pussy, knowing you’re close. you want to so badly gain control of the situation, to remind him that he let you in after ghosting him. that he’s the one who got you here. so you look down at him, trying to give him the exact same knowing smirk he’s been throwing at you all night.

“you would do anything for me wouldn’t you?” you give a wicked smile as you slow your pace to grind on his tongue. “just for a taste.”

eunseok can’t speak with a mouthful of you. he opts instead to nod his head vigorously and increase the speed of his tongue.

“do those bitches that you text know what you’re doing? still just a fuck toy for your ex?”

eunseok shakes his head. he murmurs something into your clit. you ignore him again. that’s something you seem to be good at.

“i’m close eunseok. baby i’m so close.” you pick up your speed again, closing your thighs around his head. eunseok keeps you in place.

right before you reach your peak you start tapping his hands that are holding your thighs in place. 

“eunseok i wanna come with you inside.”

eunseok looks up at you and holds eye contact. you look down at him, so determined to get you to finish. before you can come to your senses and repress your orgasm, it hits you like a freight train. it makes you throw your head back and let out a cry and you ride out your high on eunseok’s face. he takes it all in stride, tongue still prodding at your entrance.

once you come down, you realize that you definitely suffocated eunseok to death. you raise yourself off of him, still suffering from aftershocks of that orgasm. when you pull yourself off, you see that eunseok has the biggest stupid grin on his face.

“hey, are you still alive?” you laugh poking his face.

“was it good?” eunseok opens his eyes. 

“it was.” you sit on the edge of eunseok’s bed, feet touching the ground. 

nothing is stopping you from getting up and walking away. you could actually call an uber to your apartment and then you could text yunjin and giselle without feeling so guilty. you almost get the gumption to do it but then you feel eunseok move up from his spot on the bed to sit beside you.

“was it too much? you didn’t use our safe word so i thought it was okay.” eunseok uses a soft hand to make you look at him. he looks worried. you don't doubt that he can feel all your conflicting emotions, sleeping with your ex. you wonder if he feels the same way.

“it was perfect, really. i needed that.” you reassure him, putting your hand over his.

“then what’s wrong?” eunseok looks in your eyes then at your lips. you look at his.

“i think i need more.” you whisper truthfully.

eunseok uses his hand to bring you closer, kissing you. he pulls away after his tongue darts out to lick your lips.

“more?” eunseok smiles. of course he’s going to make this a living hell for you. but you humor him, because that feeling is building up all over your body again.

“more.” you answer. 

eunseok goes to your neck, kissing and sucking at the skin. he pulls away before he can leave a mark.

“more.” you don’t move your neck, hoping he gets the point.

“you want me to leave a mark? what will yunjin and giselle say? or all your other boyfriends?” voice is dripping with fake concern.

“i don’t care.” you do care, but self sabotage has already gotten you this far. you are a go big or go home type of girl.

“okay princess.” and eunseok is at your neck, sucking and biting with an energy you’ve never seen from him. 

you put your hand over his dick. he’s still wearing his boxers, so you can see a wet spot. now it’s your turn to tease him. 

“i never took you for the type to cum in your boxers, babe.” you give eunseok’s dick a squeeze. “you must be really pent up, huh?”

eunseok laughs and leans back on the bed, propping himself up on his hands.

“you gonna help me out?” 

you nod. eunseok grabs your hand and leads you off the bed to stand in front of him. he reaches up to bring the zipper on your back as low as it’ll go. he sits back on the bed, back in his same position.

“take your dress off for me.” 

you slowly take off one sleeve. you work your way to the other. you let it slowly hang off the upper half of your body as you take off your bra. you drop your bra to the floor. you can hear eunseok behind you moving, probably freeing himself of his boxers. you think about how eunseok has always liked your ass, so you make a show of taking off the lower half of your dress. when that drops to the floor, you turn around facing him.

eunseok has his dick in his hand, slowly stroking himself. you forgot how mesmerizing he looked like this. eunseok was so good at keeping his composure it always felt like a treat seeing him act on his own wants. right now, he wanted you. eunseok got up from the bed and came up to you. you had to look up to see his face. the way he towered over you made you feel something you weren’t ready to come to terms with yet.

eunseok brought you into a deep kiss, as you two were in an embrace, he was slowly moving you further and further back until you hit the bed. he brought an arm behind you and led you down. when your back was on the bed, he broke the kiss.

“i still have condoms.” eunseok said looking in your eyes. he played with your hair, resting like a crown on the bed. you really were his princess

“i haven’t been with anyone,” you admit shyly “i’m still on the pill too.”

“i haven’t been with anyone either.” you had already known, but it was reassuring to hear it from him.

“can we do it without a condom?” you ask. eunseok kisses your forehead a little too sweetly.

“of course princess.”

eunseok brings you closer with a quick pull of your thighs. the feeling of excitement and nerves shoots up your spine. it really has been so long. eunseok slapping your heat with his dick brings you back to the present.

eunseok lines himself up at your entrance, and leans over both arms at your side. you grap one of his arms for stability and comfort. you just needed to be touching him.

“let me know if it hurts too much. you remember the word?”

“i remember.”

“okay.” eunseok kisses your forehead. he kisses it again and you can feel slight pressure. he starts attacking your face with kisses everywhere as he sinks deeper and deeper in. he ends with a kiss on your cheek before he bottoms out. you both moan in unison, so much time has been lost between you two. you already feel tears welling in your eyes. before eunseok can look you in the eyes, you pull his head into the crook of your neck and hold it there. without saying anything, you move your hips back and forth.

“feels good?” eunseok huffs into your shoulder. he tries to sound cocky, but you know it’s getting to him too. you can’t stop yourself from clenching around him. how the pressure feels so good and you feel so full.

“please keep going.” you whimper. 

“okay princess.” eunseok kisses your neck and he pulls back his hips to thrust back in. you settle into the pace eunseok has set. slow and deliberate, trying to hit all the spots you thought he would’ve forgotten by now. a soft hand grips your breast and you arch into his touch.

“it’s still sensitive eunseok.” you haven’t gone for a second round since you and eunseok were together, getting yourself to be relaxed while climbing towards your second climax was hard.

“i know baby i know. you don’t want me to stop though right?” eunseok took your earlobe into your mouth. his pace was getting faster, you had to reach for the wall behind you to steady yourself.

“no. please don’t stop.” you used your other arm to pull him closer. you weren’t sure if you were about to cry due to the overstimulation or the fact that you missed the man on top of you. his teasing nature, his attentiveness. how warm he was always. it was hard to remember why you ended things in the first place, especially with him moaning in your ear.

“feels so good.” eunseok kissed your cheek. he brought his arm underneath your body, bringing you into an embrace while still fucking into you.

“i miss this. i miss you.” he admitted into your shoulder. 

“i miss you too, eunseok.” you couldn’t stop the tears.

“i want you back more than anything, you know that right?” eunseok’s pace was increasing, he was close. 

“i know. i like it…” you try hard to piece your thoughts together, but your mind is becoming filled with eunseok.

“like what? me watching everything you post like some fucking stalker.”

“shows me—shows that you care.”

“can i look at you baby?” eunseok asks, the most desperate you’ve heard him all night.

you pull his head from the crook of your neck and let his forehead rest on yours. for a moment worry crosses his face as he sees your tears. he uses his thumb to wipe an eye clean. the silent acknowledgement has you wrapping your legs around his waist to bring him closer. eunseok grabs one of your legs and helps you put it over his shoulder. this new angle has you digging your nails into his skin.

“god i missed this pussy,” eunseok smiles down at you, wiping away tears from your other eye. “she’s always been mine hasn’t she?”

“yes. she wants you to come inside.” your brain fog is letting your lewd requests come out quick and jumbled.

“of course princess.” eunseok comes back down to you, bringing desperate lips to you. you can hear when he cums inside, letting out a line of profanities with your name mixed in. you can feel when he cums inside, dick pulsing. you cum after he brings a hand to your clit, rubbing revolutions on the bundle of nerves. you grip onto his arm, biting your lip to hold back a love confession.

you two ride out your highs together. eunseok’s hand comes to a slow top and he slowly pulls out of you. you both whine at the loss of warmth, but he lays next to you and pulls you into his chest. you want to protest, that it’s a bad idea for you to spend the night at his place. 

you weren’t aware that sungchan knew of your arrangement with eunseok. whilst sungchan was your other bestfriend and made up the infamous trio that the three of you were in, you had left him out of the loop of this areangment, so it came as a shock to you when eunseok dropped it in conversation.

“what do you mean he knows?”

“he called me last time i was here didn’t he? you think he didn’t hear you? you aren’t quiet baby” you narrowed your eyes at eunseok, reminiscing the time sungchan had called him up whilst he was buried inside of you. eunseok had decided he wasn’t going to stop even though he was on the phone, simply telling you that it was up to you to keep yourself quiet and that he wasn’t going to help you. at the time you had thought you were doing a good job, but now you guess that wasn’t the case.

“that doesn’t explain nothing” eunseok shrugged and leaned back against your headboard, eyes trailing along your body as if he was more focused on something other than the conversation at hand.

“he asked if we were fucking and i said yes, is that what you wanted to hear?” you weren’t exactly against sungchan being aware of what was going on, you just weren’t sure on how he’d react “he didn’t say too much about it, he just nodded and said he assumed as much” eunseok brought his hands forward to grab your hips from where you were knelt in front of him, he pulled you onto his lap before squeezing your hips. your arms went around his neck, fingers lacing through the strands of his hair.

“guess anyone can see with the way you’re constantly trying to grab my ass in public” at your words his hands fell to your ass, being able to grab at it with ease because of the fact you only wore an oversized shirt, your panties being the only thing covering your skin.

“can you blame me?” his fingers dug into your ass, lips pressing against the corner of your lips “cant ever keep my hands off you, he’s lucky i haven’t fucked you in front of him yet” you couldn’t help but gasp at his words, shocked he’d ever suggest such a thing.

“you would never” you pulled your head back a little to look at him, he raised his eyebrows at you almost challenging your words.

“i wouldn’t?” his nails pressed a little harder into your skin, you gasped and leaned forward to press your chest against his. he used his grip on your ass to grind you down against him, his cock already beginning to strain through his sweats.

eunseok lifted you from his lap and laid you down on the bed, his hands going down to release his cock from his sweats before pushing your panties to the side. his fingers invaded your slit before pressing against your clit, he laughed at you. “you’re so wet i might just start thinking you want me to fuck you in front of someone” you whimpered at his touch, his words sent shivers through you.

eunseok’s fingers moved from your clit to your sopping hole, one finger pushing into you. he couldn’t hold back his groan when he felt how warm and wet the inside of you was, wanting nothing more than to feel you wrapped tightly around his cock. you whined at the feeling of his finger pressing into your cunt, legs parting a little wider so he could press his finger deeper. you loved eunseok’s fingers but you craved more, you needed more.

he was thorough in the way he pressed another digit into your cunt and curled them, fucking you at a slow pace with his fingers whilst watching your face, savouring every sweet moan and whimper you let out because of him.

“need more” you whined, fingers curling around the base of his shirt before dropping to his cock, hand wrapping around the base as you guided it towards your core. you looked up at him, eyes wide “need you to fill me up” that was a request that eunseok physically couldn’t say not to.

his fingers left you, opting to pushing your panties aside so he could slide into you. he let you help him guide his cock into you, he watched as you brought him closer to you, the tip grazing over your clit before you dragged it down your slit and settled him at your entrance. you looked up at him again, eyes pleading for him to push himself into you and give you what you were craving.

you gasped when you felt the head of his cock stretch you out, he slowly eased himself forward so he could fill you, your walls clinging onto the skin of his cock with each gentle push forward. your hands went to his arms, his gaze never left the sight of his cock disappearing inside of you.

eunseok’s eyes flicked to your face, he knelt back on his knees once he was fully seated inside of you. “too much for you?” your eyes opened at his words, he was breathing heavier than before, seemingly lost in the way you hugged him.

“never” you whined, cunt still clenching around his cock as you adjusted to how much he was stretching you out “i can take all of you easily” despite the confidence of your works, your voice was timid and breathless, you were already submissive under his touch so you didn’t know what battle you were trying to fight, especially when eunseok laughed at you.

“i know doll” his hands pushed under the fabric of your shirt and grabbed your hips, moving himself back slowly before filling you up again, you whimpered “your sweet pussy was made for my cock, always taking it so well”. you let out a moan as he spoke to you, his fingers pressing a little harder into your skin as he began to fuck you properly.

you could tell he was getting into you, as were you, his eyes were focused on where the two of you connected, his cock glistening with your slick as he fucked himself into you. your panties created a rough sensation for him as they dragged along the side of his cock with each thrust, it only turned him on more. you loved these moments, the times when eunseok would grow quieter as he fucked you, so focused on the way you made him feel that he couldn’t think of what to say to you, too distracted by your cunt sucking him in. especially when he began to fuck you harder.

eunseok was so distracted by you that he almost didn’t hear his phone begin to ring, almost. the sound from your bedside table knocked him out of his trance, his thrusts only faltering for a moment before they grew steady again, his pace slowing down but not stopping as he read the called id.

sungchan.

you saw it too, you knew he was going to answer it like he did last time, and he did. there was a subtle smile on his face as he pressed the green accept button and brought his phone to his ear, his eyes meeting yours as he slowly dragged his cock through your walls, his hand leaving your hip to grab one of yours, fingers lacing together as he made a particularly harsh thrust forward. you moaned louder than you meant to as panic ran through your eyes, you could hear sungchan say something through the phone before eunseok laughed.

“perfect timing” was all eunseok said to him before he took his phone away from his ear and held it against yours. “sungchan wants to talk to you” your eyes widened as you heard sungchan laugh through the phone.

“hi pretty girl” you gulped, eunseoks thrusts growing a little harder as you tried to respond to sungchan “what are you doing?” you could hear the slightly taunting tone he had to his voice.

“i’m with eunseok” your voice was already broken, breathing unsteady, you weren’t hiding anything from sungchan.

“oh really? what are you doing with him?” eunseok pinned down your hand that he was holding next to your head, his other hand still holding his phone against your ear as he leaned over you, hair falling in front of his eyes as he continued fucking you, the position made it easier for him to fuck you a little faster. it also let him hear what sungchan was saying.

you looked at eunseok, not sure on what to say to sungchan, head to dizzy from his cock to be able to come up with a proper answer to give him. eunseok found himself entertained by the situation, your walls hugged him a little tighter when he laughed at you. “tell him the truth baby, no need to hide it from him”.

“he’s fucking me” you voice was barely anything other than a whimper, the head of eunseok’s cock found its place deep inside of you as it pressed against your sweet spot, you suddenly found yourself giving up all hope of hiding any sound you were making.

“you sound like you’re enjoying it, does our eunseok fuck you well angel?”. you whimpered, you were enjoying it.

“yes” it came out as a whimper.

“be a good girl and hold the phone yourself won’t you, baby?” eunseok’s voice made you look at him, your hand weakly wrapping around the phone and holding it against your ear as he let go of it, he knelt up between your legs and held your thighs, he lifted and pressed them against your chest as he fucked himself deeper into you. the sudden change of angle had you moaning a little louder. with sungchan on the phone, everything felt more intense. from what you could make out over eunseok’s skin slapping against yours, you could hear sungchan breathing heavily over the phone, heavier than usual.

“don’t you know i could fuck you better, though? bet you’ve thought about it haven’t you?”

“sungchan i-“ your voice was cut off with a moan, your body reacted so well to eunseok fucking you that you couldn’t hold yourself back from moaning at the feeling of his cock inside of you.

“hmm? you know i’ve thought about it don’t you, sweet girl?” sungchan’s voice sounded different, his breathing was slowly growing unsteady and there was almost a whine behind his words. you could have guessed that he was jerking off whilst listening to you being fucked, for some reason that idea of it turned you on even more. “so tell me, have you thought about it?”

“yes” it was a whimper again, you heard sungchan laugh deeply down the phone.

“you know i’m most likely bigger than eunseok don’t you? know i’ll fill you up better than anyone you’ve ever been with” eunseok wasn’t small, the thickness of his cock always made your head spin when he was inside of you so the thought of sungchan being bigger had your clit throbbing and your cunt tightening around eunseok “how does that sound, angel?”

eunseok himself seemed lost in the moment, he watched you carefully as he fucked you, he could tell you were growing closest to losing your mind, it all being too much for you.

“so good” you words were directed at both of them, wanting to respond to sungchan whilst also telling eunseok how good he was making you feel “sungchan?”

“what is it, sweet girl?” you gulped as you moaned again, body beginning to feel weak from the pleasure.

“are you touching yourself?” your question sounded far too innocent given the context of what you were asking, far too innocent from someone being fucked senseless in that moment. sungchan groaned at your question whilst eunseok laughed, shaking his head at how shameless his best friend was.

“of course i am, how could i not be? you sound so pretty baby, hard for me not to be jerking off imagining i was the one fucking you right now” a harsher thrust from eunseok brought your attention back to him, in a way it felt like they were competing for your attention, both of them believing they could easily win whilst you were trying to pay attention to both of them at the same time. you were weak “do you want that hmm? gonna let me fuck you next time i see you?”

“fuck, yes” was all you could say, wanting nothing more than to have sungchan lay you down and fuck you brainless “i’m so close” was all you could whine out after, your eyes locking with eunseok’s as you felt his thumb drop to your clit.

“you can cum, doll” eunseok’s words only made you whine more, sungchan groaning in your ear spurred you on. you could hear him jerking off, the wet sounds of his hand being dragged up and down his cock with eunseok filling you up only pushed you toward your orgasm.

“let me hear you” sungchan’s voice sounded a little higher in pitch, you were sure the two of them were close too. when your orgasm hit you let yourself go, your lips parting letting out whatever wanted to come out, whimpers and moans filling the room as eunseok fucked you through your orgasm, his thumb on your clit not giving up as he drove it out of you “god you sound so fucking sweet” sungchan pretty much moaned into your ear, he found himself groaning restlessly as his cock ached for him to let him cum, eunseok finding himself in the same position as your walls began to milk his cock dry “you gonna take every drop of eunseok’s cum aren’t you angel? gonna let me fill you up when i get to have you too aren’t you?”

“yes fuck yes” your response resulted in sungchan gripping the base of his cock and his cum shooting over his stomach, he dragged his hand over himself as he let himself go. eunseok’s cum being fucked deeper into you as his thrusts slowed down as he let you breathe. he dropped your thighs back onto the bed and pressed his hand against your cheek, his thumb soothingly running over the skin as he grabbed the phone from you and put it to his ear.

“she’s mine by the way”.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

You love to munch on your boyfriend every chance you get. At this point, it’s no secret at all.

His kind acts, pretty face and adorable attitudes activate your cuteness aggression every other day, so you’re often squeezing his face, making his lips pucker to drop a kiss on them or biting his cheeks. You just can’t help but think he’s the cutest creature in the world and particularly charming when he’s doting on you and making you feel special. Although the way he’s adoring you right now it’s quite far from cute.

Currently, he has his dick stuffed deep inside your pussy, making you scream and crush his hands in pleasure rather than in infatuation for him. You’re laying in your bed with your legs spread open, the side of them brushing the sheets, while he’s up with his knees slightly pressing on the mattress, perpendicular to you while he drives his hips forward and backwards again and again in a slow pace that’s sure to drive you insane any minute now. His hands that are holding your hips are covered by yours, your fingers trying – and failing – to fill the space in between his fingers to loosen his strong grip on you so you’d be able to meet his thrusts in a faster rhythm.

But of course, Sungchan knows you. He knows he can’t give you any power when you are as desperate as you are now, because then you’d both be cumming a lot faster than intended and that’s not what he wants..

What he wants is to continue his leisure and sweet slides of his cock inside of you, savoring the way your pussy keeps swallowing him whole. And he makes sure you know it.

“That’s it, baby, sucking me in so good,” he groans, his voice low and shaky. “Love fucking this pussy so much.”

“Jinsu, please,” you reply in between broken moans. “Please go faster.”

“So adorable when you beg, baby. But not yet,” he tsks at you, making you roll your eyes.

“You’re insufferable,” you state.

“And you’re desperate,” he says, crouching down so he’s hovering above you, his chest squeezing your boobs in between your bodies, but still keeping his hands steady on your hips. “You always ask for faster, but you love it when I go slow.”

You hate that he’s right. No matter how long you beg for him to fasten his tempo, you end up loving his lazy strokes, especially when they make his cock rub sweetly on your g-spot like it’s doing now. But still, you want more. You need more.

“I love it when you’re inside of me, baby. No matter how,” you say matter-of-factly. Because it is true. And also because you hope that it will soften his heart and make him just as desperate as you.

Sungchan eyes you suspiciously and then moves his lips to the shell of your ear. “Flattery won’t get you anywhere,” he mutters, punctuating each word with a hard slide of his cock, making you babble incoherently. He snickers at your reaction, pulling his head back to look into your eyes and coo at you. “Are you fucked dumb already? I barely even started.”

“Fuck you,” you spit at his beautiful face.

“You are doing it right now, baby,” he says and you roll your eyes again.

After long minutes of keeping the same rhythm, he finally gives in a little, sliding his hands under you to hoist you further onto the bed and finally laying on it, pressing his body full on yours and then relocating his hands to your waist. Of course, the weight of him pressing down on you still prevents you from moving just the way you want, but now you have a little more room to discreetly wiggle your hips back and forth.

“You’re really testing my patience today,” he says when he notices what you’re doing, flames shining behind his eyes with slight anger.

“I’m testing your patience? You’re the one who doesn’t want to fuck me right!” You cry out in outrage, the intense feeling coursing through you.

At your words, he halts all movements, stopping midway through sliding out of you and closing his eyes, taking a deep breath. You know you fucked up at the very moment the phrase was out of your mouth, but pride and irritation make you purse your lips together instead of apologizing.

“Well, if I’m fucking you wrong,” he says, opening his eyes again to pierce them at you, annoyance dripping from his words, “then maybe I should just stop fucking you at all.”

Your response is immediate, your eyes widening and legs and arms tightening around Sungchan before he has the chance to pull out of you.

“No, no, no, no, no,” you whisper pleadingly, your hands holding his face to yours so he cannot look away. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.” You drop three kisses on his lips, but he doesn’t kiss you back. You’re heartbroken at the lack of reaction from him. “I’m just so needy today,” you continue, your voice faltering as you feel the tears welling up in your eyes. “I missed you. It’s been so long we’ve been together like this.” It’s true. Work and other responsibilities have been keeping you away from each other for weeks. Now the both of you have finally caught a break for a few days and you just missed him so much. “And I needed to— I’m so sorry. I’m a brat. You can punish me however you want, but please don’t— Please, Jinsu, I’m—”

Sungchan shushes your babbling when his hands come to your face. You lean into his touch like a cat as he caresses your cheeks and you purr from just the small hint of affection. “Shhhh, it’s okay, baby. It’s okay,” he assures you, wiping your tears away. “It’s fine, I get it. I missed you too. And I’m gonna do it how you want it, okay?”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t deserve it. I’ve been bad—”

“You’ve been my sweet, beautiful, good girl whom I missed so much. And you deserve to be fucked the way you want to,” he says in the sweetest voice ever and drops a kiss to your lips. You follow his mouth when he retreats, trying to coax him into kissing you more, but he resists. “I’m going to give it to you now, okay? And we can go for round two later if you want.”

You’ve never seen Sungchan melt on you so fast before, never seen him change from hard to soft dom in such short notice. You’re taken aback at his sudden change in demeanor, but you can feel the sincerity dripping from his voice and the emotion translated on the shiny tears that gathers at his eyes. “Really?” You ask still, waiting for a confirmation, a stray tear falling from your right eye.

He nods and grabs your hand, kissing your knuckles as he glides fully inside of you again. “Of course, baby.” Then he moves his lips to the trail of the last tear in your face, kissing it until it disappears completely. He places more kisses on you, his lips covering you in his love and his spit as he sucks on your skin repeatedly.

“Thank you, baby. Thank you. I love you so much,” you whisper, gripping his shoulders and raking your nails there.

“I love you too, baby,” he mutters back, ghosting his mouth over yours and kissing you one more time. “Ready?”

You nod. “Ready.”

And then he gives you exactly what you asked for. He slams inside you hard, fast and effortlessly in an unrelenting pace. It’s so powerful you grit your teeth and he has to grip you again so you don’t slip away from him. You think there’ll probably be bruises on your hips in the morning, but you don’t care because your sweet caring boyfriend finally took in consideration your request in bed. And his cock is hitting your cervix in the most delicious way, too.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you scream, moans freely flying out of your mouth. “You’re the best, Jinsu. The most perfect boyfriend. Thank you.”

He chuckles and nips on your clavicle. “If I knew that’s what I‘d get from giving you what you want, I would have done it sooner, baby.”

“Well, I did ask for it more than once before,” you snicker, earning another bite from him, this time a harder one.

“Careful now,” he adverts and you quiet your bratty remarks. There’s no need to make him angry again when he’s being so good to you.

“Sorry,” you whisper and he laughs, moving his arms to rest on the bed, bracketing them on both sides of your head.

That’s when you see it. The veins popping up on his forearms, how they beautifully decorate his skin, from his elbow to the back of his hands. You lick your lips and move your head to the side on instinct, guided solely by the purpose of getting your mouth on him. You kiss his flesh tenderly, laving at it with your tongue and sucking on what you can, tracing the veins with your lips. While you do it, your eyes focus on his biceps, on how they bulge every time he plunges inside of you and relax every time he slides out. Again, you lick your lips and stretch your neck further to reach it. You’re able to kiss the taut muscle just above his right elbow and you smile happily to yourself as you start nibbling on it. Sungchan is so distracted keeping the pace he set and looking down at where your bodies connect that he doesn’t notice it. So you indulge yourself in the moment, delivering bite after bite after, lingering on the next one longer than the last, and kissing and licking in between to calm the blemish that rises on his flesh.

You start to see the indents of your teeth on his skin and, damn, they look so freaking good adorning him. And then you remember the last time you went to the gym with him, how so many pairs of eyes focused on his arms while he did dumbbell curls and bench dips.

Something comes over you. A deep need to mark and assert your territory bubbles up deep down on your belly, flows up through your brain cells and takes over your actions. And just like that, you’re biting his skin harder than before, setting your jaw firm to stamp him with your canines. For a moment, Sungchan still remains oblivious to your actions and everything stays still. But then he’s yelping in surprise and shaking his arm away from you, kneeling up to get it out of your reach.

“Shit, baby. What was that?” He asks, hand going around his elbow and eyes looking at his bicep to inspect this damage. “You almost bit my arm off.”

You finally come to your senses, noticing what you’ve just done, and slip into your docile self again. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know what came over me. You were looking so good and I—”

“Well, you didn’t have to actually eat me,” he says with a light tilt to his voice, his thumb tracing the imprint of your teeth on his flesh and showing it to you. “Look, it left a mark.”

You focus on his skin and how the unmistakable dent from your front teeth is formed there. You think it looks beautiful.

“Oh my god, you wanted to do it! This turned you on!” He accuses after gauging your reaction and seeing only satisfaction and possessiveness in your eyes.

You’re caught red handed. But at least you cast down your eyes and bite your underlip in remorse. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You just looked so biteable,” you say sincerely.

He chuckles and lays his body back down on yours, still laughing as he presses a kiss to your lips. “It’s okay, baby. But there will be payback!” You grin at his clear promise of doing the same to you and he shakes his head in disbelief. “You’re turned on by that too, right?”

You nod your head. There’s no reason to lie. He’d see right through you anyway. “Yes, please do it.”

“Naughty girl,” he whispers, shaking his head again and kissing your jaw. He’s back to slowly grind his hips against yours now, but you don’t mind. You love the playful atmosphere that your mishap just set down on you both.

“Com’on, you’re not going to tell me you're turned on by it, too?” You say and he stays silent, moving his lips to your neck now. “I felt your dick twitching when you said it, Sungchan!”

“Okay, okay, I admit it,” he replies with laugh in his voice. “But the real question is: where should I do it?”

You shrug. “You choose. Any place.” You are his anyway, there’s no use hiding it. This will just show it to everyone else.

Sungchan lifts an eyebrow up at you. “Any place?” You nod and his mouth opens in a sly smile. “Okay. How about your ass?”

“I’m okay with that.”

“No, no. I think the back of your thighs will be better,” he says, already slipping out of you and flipping you over so your stomach is pressed on the bed. “Those dickheads at the gym keep looking at them when you’re doing squats. They need to know you’re taken.”

You full on laugh, your shoulders shaking with the force of it as you feel him crouch down, first pressing kisses on your ass cheeks to then move his mouth to your left thigh to pinch the flesh with his teeth.

Despite it hurting a little bit, you smile through it all. He’s a goner for you just as much as you are for him. You’re meant for each other and that’s what matters. Even if it comes with some little bites.

There were many things you loved about Sungchan: His kindness, his dedication to anything he sets his mind to, his eyes, you loved a lot about Sungchan, but there were many things you couldn’t stand about him. He was oblivious to the simplest of social cues, he got loud when he was drunk, and the way he comforted people was an absolute joke. If you hadn’t known him for more than half your life and shared an apartment with him, you would’ve ditched him when you two graduated high school.

But you didn’t. Now, you’re stuck with a big, dumb roommate who loves telling the men you like that you like them. God, Wonbin was never going to talk to you again after the scene Sungchan caused trying to get him to give you his number. You still can feel the embarrassment hot in your veins, making you lurch forward and finally give his chest a shove that makes him stumble a few steps.

“I won’t chill out! I won’t! What you did was fucking rude!” You yelled, pointing a finger in his face to punctuate your words and get your point across. Sungchan scoffed, turning his head away from you, but you could see his tongue press against the inside of his cheek, making the skin push out slightly. It was a habit of his you had noticed when you two went to parties together in college. It’s what he does when he’s annoyed and holding himself back, beating someone’s ass. It’s a rare occasion for Sungchan to beat someone’s ass, but when it did happen, it was always deserved. Typically, it would be a drunk guy who wanted to buck up to the biggest guy at the party, a one-sided battle of masculinity that Sungchan always won, no matter who came up to him. You’ve only seen Sungchan throw a punch twice in your entire friendship.

Once, when you were in high school, and the last time was at a party during your junior year of college when a man put his hands on you despite you telling him to fuck off. The other times, he had simply told you about when you’d see him in the kitchen with littered bruises on his body. You think about that night more often than you’d like to admit. Sungchan didn’t hesitate to throw a punch for you, knocking the man clean out by the time he was done with him. It lit a fire in you that you’re not proud to admit. There was just something in his eyes that rubbed your brain right. You would never admit it, but were desperate to see that look again. You wanted to see him angry, to watch him lose control no matter how fucked up it sounds.

“Get your hand out of my face,” Sungchan told you firmly, looking you in the eyes to get his point across, but you weren’t deterred. You step closer to him, finger still in his face.

“No. Not until you apologize. Admit it was rude. You were rude.”

“I wasn’t fucking rude,” Sungchan argues, swatting your hand down when you don’t move it from his face. You bring it back up without a care of the consequences, resulting in a game of him swatting your hand down every time you bring it up.

You two look stupid. Thank God this is in the privacy of your living room.

“You had no right-”

“You were never going to talk to him if I didn’t! You’re a chicken-”

“I’m not a fucking chicken––Oh my god, don’t call me a bird.”

“You’re such a fucking chicken, dude. Do you remember how long it took you to even talk to Shotaro? Months. ‘Took you months to even say hi to him, and that’s because-”

“Shut up.”

“That’s because I had to step it! I was the one to get you to talk to him!” Sungchan continued with a shit-eating grin, voice picking up volume as he leaned down to get closer to you as if you couldn’t hear him clear enough, pointing to himself like he had won some kind of award. Your already flushed cheeks begin to heat up when you remember the Shotaro incident of 2022. He always brought up Shotaro, and even if it was just to pick on you playfully, it still struck a nerve. You were more shy than Sungchan ever was, always letting him start the conversations or introduce you to new people. Half of your friends are Sungchan’s friends; half of the people you’ve dated are because Sungchan knew them first. Every connection in your life could be traced back to Sungchan, which drove you insane.

“Now, you want to talk all this shit because you got embarrassed I had to step in again and help you get some dick,” Sungchan pressed, his grin turning into a smirk as he nodded at his words, feeling them in his being because they’re true. You stared at him with contempt, teeth grinding as your fists balled up tightly. “You should be thanking me. You’re so ungrateful for everything-”

You lunged at him. You swear you don’t have control of your body when you do it, you just throw your entire weight into his chest and hope for the best. Sungchan let out an “Oof!” sound when you collided with him, staggering back and hitting the ground with you on top of him. You act as if you two are playfully wrestling, but none of your movements have an ounce of playfulness in them. You straddled his hips firmly as you shoved at his hands harshly to get them away from grabbing you. You knew once he got his hands on you, it was over. He’d flip you two over, and it’d be done. You couldn’t let him win this. You couldn’t do it. You had to prove it to him.

You don’t know what it was, but you had to prove it.

You grab his hair tightly, jerking his head off the carpet to distract him, tugging hard on the brown locks. Sungchan lets out a yelp that sounds pathetic. His eyes squeezed shut as his large hands wrapped around your wrist to try and pull you off of him.

“Not fair-” He started. You shake his head, eliciting another yelp from him.

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up,” You spat at him, shaking him again. His face contorted in pain and confusion, groaning softly as he did what you told him for once. You couldn’t believe he actually listened. Truthfully, you didn’t think you’d get this far. You’re not exactly sure what to do next. So, you shake his head again, making him hiss when you tugged harder on his locks. “Can’t fucking stand you, you know that? You’re such a jerk sometimes. Just big, stupid, and taking up space.” You shake his head around with every word, watching him drop his hands and put them up in front of him in faux surrender, but he doesn’t say anything. He only whined and grunted when you pulled on his hair harder than usual.

You waited for him to spit something back at you, to call you a coward, to say you needed him, but nothing but pants left his plush lips. You furrow your brows in confusion at his silence. Sungchan was never quiet. You shake him again.

“Hello? Say something!” You shake his head again, this time back and forth. You won’t lie. It was fun to have him like this. He acted like some kind of puppet that you were the master of, pulling him around in whichever direction you wanted him to go in, and he just took it. Sungchan sighed in defeat, keeping his eyes shut tightly.

“My dick just twitched.” 

Oh.

“Excuse me?” You couldn’t think of anything else to say. Your hands, which had been roughly pulling at Sungchan's hair, suddenly freeze. Your heart pounds in your chest as you gaze down at him, cocking a brow at him. His face is flushed a deep crimson, though whether from embarrassment or something else, you can't tell.

"I said," he starts again, much slower this time, swallowing hard, "My... my dick just twitched."

You blink at his repeated confession, not expecting him to repeat the words. There’s a tension growing between the two of you that you’ve never felt before, making your throat dry as you stare at Sungchan’s embarrassed face, watching his chest rise and fall as he pants beneath you. Flashes of what he’d look like without his shirt flash in your brain, wondering what sounds he’d make as you sink down on him, how his eyes would look, how the muscles would ripple under his––Jesus Christ, get it together, girl. You remind yourself, clearing your throat down at him.

“Like…Seriously?” Sungchan nods at your dry words, opening his eyes slowly to look up at you. A switch in your brain is flipped when you see his big brown eyes. He looks utterly pathetic like this, hair in your hand revealing his forehead, eyes pleading for something silent, and lips in a perfect soft pout. You wanted to take his picture like the actual definition of pitiful.

You chuckle at him, shaking him again and tugging his hair hard to see if it really did anything for him. He whines again, shutting his eyes as his hands lurch towards your hips, holding tightly with a sharp breath through his teeth. You smirk at his reaction, raising your brows in slight shock it was this easy to get him going. Maybe it was the alcohol, you think. You’ve seen Sungchan shove his tongue down girls’ throats just mere minutes after he met them, but this is you. You’re his best friend, his roommate, the girl who beat his ass for talking to her crush for her. You know you’re pretty, and Sungchan is just a man, but you’re still caught off guard by it all.

Your palm still cradled his scalp, thumb lazily tracing small circles at the base of his hairline. Sungchan’s hands on your hips squeeze gently, fingers digging into your flesh just a bit more than necessary and causing a shiver to wind its way up your spine.

Without thinking, you leaned forward and claimed Sungchan's lips in a rough, desperate kiss. His taste was different than any guy you've ever kissed - salty with a hint of beer and lime from the drink he had tonight. You wrapped your hand tightly around the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer to you as your other hand found its way under his shirt to feel his warm skin. You didn't let up when he moaned into your mouth, feeling your touch while he tentatively kissed you back. Your anger turned into desperation quickly as you slipped your tongue into his mouth, tasting him fully now. His lips were soft and plush against yours as they parted slightly to let you in further. You moaned the moment your tongues slid together, digging your nails into his toned chest as he pressed in further, sucking softly on the slick muscle in your mouth.

Sungchan's hands moved up your body, gripping your waist and still pulling you closer. The fabric of your shirt scratching against his rough palms made you shiver with anticipation for more contact. You grind down on him out of instinct, feeling the bulge in his pants grow as he groans against your mouth, wanting more from both of you. His scent filled your senses - a mix of sweat and cologne and something uniquely Sungchan that made you want more.

The sound of his rhythmic grunts filled the room, a mix of desire and surprise in every breath he took. His fingers dug into your skin through your shirt, and you moaned into his mouth once more. Your breath hitched when he bit down on your lower lip gently, making you gasp and whimper into the kiss before breaking it, desperate for air. You gasp softly when you part, watching with hazy eyes as he pants as well, lips slick with spit and typically wide eyes heavy with lust.

You tug at his shirt, nodding before he has any time to say something that will kill the mood.

“Take it off.”

And he listens like a dog, pushing himself up and pulling his white T-shirt over his head, tossing it aside before wrapping his arms around your torso and pulling you flush against him. There are no thoughts in your head right now, only Sungchan, touching Sungchan, kissing Sungchan, fucking Sungchan––Holy shit, you were totally going to fuck Sungchan. That hits you harder than you thought it would. You’ve thought about it before. How could you not? He’s beautiful, kind, and built like a God. Of course, you thought about fucking Sungchan. It was nothing like this, however. Typically, you thought of him having your face pressed into the mattress, back arched, and fucking you from behind like he was getting paid. You would’ve never guessed you’d be on top, but it’s not like you can’t get into it for Sungchan. You’d do anything for Sungchan.

"Are you sure?" Sungchan whispers against the skin of your neck, his hands finding your hips again to steady you against him, his bare chest warm and firm. You're taken aback for a moment, not expecting the question. But then you realize that he’s always been considerate, even when he’s on the verge of losing control.

"Yeah," you say firmly, the word slipping out without thought and causing heat to flare in Sungchan's eyes.

Without hesitation, you reach for the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head swiftly. The cool air hits your skin, making goosebumps spread across your chest and arms. Sungchan's eyes widen as he takes you in, his gaze making you feel exposed and powerful. You struggle to pull your jeans off, having to crawl off of him to kick them off in haste. You hate how desperate you look but can’t bring yourself to care. Sungchan rolls on his side when you crawl off of him, lingering towards you like a lost puppy. His eyes watch as more of your skin is revealed to him, letting out a groan when he sees the smooth skin of your thighs.

Before you have the chance to climb back on top of him, he leans in, kissing the side of your thigh with a moan. You let out a gasp in shock but watched him with parted lips, threading your hands through his hair again as he dragged his lips all over the expanse of your thigh, leaving a trail of glistening spit as he did. He grabs your ankle, pulling you towards him roughly, making you fall back onto the carpet with another gasp. You don’t argue for once; you are too invested in what Sungchan will do next, even if you care.

His lips pepper kisses across the inside of your thighs, nipping at the sensitive skin with deep breaths as he inched closer and closer to your core.

He licks his lips as he hooks a long finger in your underwear, pulling them to the side. A moan leaves his lips when he sees your pussy for the first time, looking down at it like he’s looking at a coveted piece of art. You watch him closely, ears turning pink as he lifts two fingers to his lips, licking the tips of them before bringing them down between your legs to rub circles into your clit. His gaze stays on your cunt, watching how the pretty pink flesh moves beneath his fingers, biting his bottom lip when he hears you let out a whine, seeing your thighs tremble at just the slightest touch. Finally, his dark gaze lifts to meet yours.

With his eyes trained on yours, he presses a long finger inside you. A sigh leaves your lips as your eyes flutter shut, gripping the carpet with one hand while the other dug into your side, biting your bottom lip as he pressed another finger inside. You moan this time, feeling your walls begin to stretch for him. You hear him groan quietly, making your eyes open. You’re immediately met with his gaze that never left your face. He looks like he’s in a trance, staring at you like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. You can’t tell how it makes you feel, but you feel hot, like you’re boiling from the inside out. It aches, but it’s so intoxicating that you want more of it.

You whimper at how his fingers slickly slide out, then back in, watching him get lost in the sight of your reactions. You’re so wet for him. It’s almost embarrassing how wet you got so quickly. You swallow thickly as your chest rises and falls with each pant. His eyes stay on your face as his thumb presses against your clit, rubbing slow circles that make you shiver with a choked-out moan. His free hand cups your jaw, tilting your head back slightly, forcing your lips apart to look deeply into your eyes as he watches you crumble under him.

Feeling emboldened, Sungchan takes his fingers out of you slowly, letting out a long moan when they leave you empty. He lays a line of sweet pecks against your inner thighs, leaving tiny bites and nips on the soft flesh until he reaches the hem of his boxers. With a breathy "Fuck," he tugs them down enough to reveal his hard cock pressing against the fabric. You gulp as it springs from its confines, averting your eyes momentarily before snapping them back up to challenge his gaze. His thick length twitches with anticipation before he guides it towards you, slick with pre-cum leaking from the tip. Your heart stops for a beat before racing wildly in your chest again.

"Wrap your legs around me," Sungchan orders softly, not breaking eye contact even when you hesitate for a second before obeying. He grunts when he feels your folds pressing against his cock, pushing inside without a moment’s hesitation. He slides in so easily, groaning at how smooth the glide inside you is. He sounds as beautiful as he looks, making you moan as well. The way his cock splits your walls apart for him is delicious, to say the least, as a euphoria fills your veins as your walls spasm around him with another moan, this one airier than the one before.

“Fuck,” Sungchan curses, fingers digging into the carpet next to your head as he looks down at where your bodies were connected before back at your face. You two lock eyes again, making your heart hammer in your chest harder than before. Still, you meet his gaze with a quiet whimper, hands wrapping around his strong biceps as you bat your lashes at him.

“Feels good, Sungie?” You ask in a too-sweet voice. You rarely whip out for him unless you ask for a favor, like getting something off the top shelf or making him finish your short answer response questions because you don’t want to. Sungchan would do anything for you, and you’d do anything for Sungchan. He takes a deep breath at your tone, lips curling into a smirk before he bites his bottom lip, nodding.

Then, his hips roll into yours.

Sungchan's thick cock feels even better than you could have ever imagined, stretching you wide and fulfilling you completely. His hips roll into yours slowly, making you moan and whine beneath him with each gentle thrust. The way he fills you up is mind-numbing, his smirk turning into a grimace as he leans down to capture your lips in a rough kiss.

Your walls clamp down on him at the contact, purposely trying to get more friction between the two of you. Sungchan groans against your lips, slipping his hands under your back and lifting you up onto his lap effortlessly. You gasp into his mouth, feeling his hard chest pressed against yours. Your heart pounds in your chest as he starts to fuck you properly now, eyes closing at the sensation that washes over you. You swear you can feel his heartbeat against your chest, but you convince yourself you’re just dreaming it.

You feel every inch of him inside of you, making your walls tighten around him with every snap of his hips into yours. A tiny sob leaves your lips when he hits that spot inside you that has you seeing stars. You dig your nails into the flesh of his shoulders, jaw-dropping and eyes rolling back at how your body moves like a rag doll and at how sharply his hips snap up into you. He groans into your neck, nipping at the sensitive skin before sucking softly to soothe it with his tongue. You can't help but shudder in his lap; this feels so good that it hurts. His hands hold you in place, one on your waist and the other cradling the back of your head as he takes rough control of the kiss again, teeth scraping against soft skin with every thrust. He pants against your lips, moaning your name softly and how good you make him feel. It's all too much for you; all too real with Sungchan, yet so not real. You’re fucking your roommate on your living room floor––You’re fucking your best friend on your living room floor.

Your hands find their way into his hair again, holding onto him tightly as he continues to fuck into you like your his, his lips trailing hot kisses down your neck and over your collarbone. You mewl at the feeling, arching your back into his chest as he hits that sweet spot inside you once more. You could feel the warmth spreading through your veins, making you dizzy with need. The room spins around you as he thrusts harder, faster, deeper into your already aching pussy. His moans mix with yours, their tongues meeting in a messy kiss that speaks volumes about how much you both want this.

Your legs quiver as he takes control of the situation, fingers digging into your skin softly before trailing up to caress your breasts through the thin fabric of your bra. You let out a strangled cry when he pinches at one of your nipples roughly, making you moan into his mouth even more, looking down to watch him work with a breath through your teeth. Your hands' card through the hair on the back of his head, eyes shutting to focus solely on the pleasure coursing through your veins with every drag of Sungchan’s cock against your walls.

"Sun-Sungchan," you whimper. The sound of his name on your lips is like music to his ears. Your body is sweaty and flushed, a beautiful sight for him to feast his eyes upon. He growls lowly when he finally meets your gaze again, heat pooling in your lower belly at the raw desire he displays.

“You’re so fucking good, baby. ‘Should’ve fucked you soon, hm?” Sungchan groans, his voice creased with effort as he continues to pound into you. You can’t help but respond with a needy whimper, skin burning under his touch as you nod your head dumbly. You feel him everywhere, and it's overwhelming - the way he’s stretched you wide open, the way he feels pushing deep inside of you, the way his hands are holding you in place as if afraid that you'll slip away from underneath him.

Your heart beats furiously against your chest, matching rhythm with the throbbing ache between your legs. You're close, too close, but not quite there yet. Sungchan seems to sense your growing desperation, the flash of triumph in his eyes telling you he knows exactly what he's doing to you. He reaches down and begins rubbing slow circles on your clit again, thumb pressing against the sensitive nub just enough to make you cry out in pleasure.

“You gonna cum for me?” He whispers against your throat, teeth dipping into your soft flesh, causing a sharp gasp from your lips. You nod frantically in response, words failing you as white-hot pleasure courses through your veins. He laughs softly - a dark chuckle that sends shivers down your spine.

The way you melt against him is intoxicating. He grunts, unable to think straight as he feels his own orgasm building up. His hips move even faster, his cock sliding in and out of your welcoming heat with each thrust. He groans against your skin, panting heavily as he fucks you like it’s his last dying will, wet sounds filling the room that mixes with your pants and moans. You squeeze your eyes shut at the sounds you’re making, cheeks growing more read because of it. Sex is so embarrassing sometimes.

He pulls away from your neck just a little to look into your eyes, panting heavily as they roll back in pleasure. Sungchan's lips curl into a smirk at seeing how lost you get. Your walls tighten around his cock once again as you cum around him, making Sungchan's eyes roll back into his head and tilt his head back with a melodic groan that has you moaning as well. You feel him tremble beneath you as he finally cums inside of you, making you smirk softly as your hands run up and down his back.

You throw your head back and cry out his name, orgasm hitting you hard and fast like a freight train. He watches as you finally hit your peak, jaw-dropping at how gorgeous you look when you feel good. Your walls clamp down around him, and your muscles spasm in ecstasy; even through the haze of pleasure, you feel every drop of his cum spilling into you, the heat of it searing into your core. Your body convulses and shivers under the onslaught of pleasure, your voice breaking on Sungchan's name. 

Sungchan stays still for a moment longer, his cock still buried deep inside of you. His chest heaves against yours, ragged gasps filling the space between your sated bodies. He blinks slowly, his gaze holding yours captive as he pants out your name. You take his face into his hands with a deep breath, leaning in and kissing his lips without a second though. He moans into the kiss, holding your wrists gently as he does so.

You both stay like that for a while. Bodies joined together in the aftermath of your shared orgasm. The only sounds in the room are your gasping breaths and the rapid beat of your heart pounding in sync. Cautiously, Sungchan pulls out of you gently, making your pussy squeeze around nothing instinctively at the loss, a soft whimper leaving your lips.

He rolls off to one side, pulling you with him so that you're tucked against his side. His arm wraps around you and keeps you close to him, fingers dancing along your sweaty skin lightly. Neither of you speak for long moments, too wrapped up in trying to regain control of your breathing and coming down from your highs even to fathom thinking of words right now.

Eventually, though, Sungchan breaks the silence with a soft whisper, "You okay?"

Your lips twitch into a tired smile against his chest, pressing a small kiss there before nodding. "Yeah," you huff out after a moment, "That was…"

"Crazy," he finishes for you, making you shut your eyes with a laugh, nodding in agreement.

“Yeah…That was crazy,” You whisper, moving your head to rest on his chest to soak up more of his warmth. Your cheek squishes against his chest as you lay there, looking down at his spent cock resting against his thigh. It hits you that you’re both naked and just had sex on your living room floor. This calls for a conversation at the least but you can’t drag yourself to start it, completely spent from what just occurred.

So, instead, you close your eyes.

There were many things you loved about Sungchan: His kindness, his dedication to anything he sets his mind to, his eyes, you loved a lot about Sungchan, but there were many things you couldn’t stand about him. He was oblivious to the simplest of social cues, he got loud when he was drunk, and the way he comforted people was an absolute joke. If you hadn’t known him for more than half your life and shared an apartment with him, you would’ve ditched him when you two graduated high school.

But you didn’t. Now, you’re stuck with a big, dumb roommate who loves telling the men you like that you like them. God, Wonbin was never going to talk to you again after the scene Sungchan caused trying to get him to give you his number. You still can feel the embarrassment hot in your veins, making you lurch forward and finally give his chest a shove that makes him stumble a few steps.

“I won’t chill out! I won’t! What you did was fucking rude!” You yelled, pointing a finger in his face to punctuate your words and get your point across. Sungchan scoffed, turning his head away from you, but you could see his tongue press against the inside of his cheek, making the skin push out slightly. It was a habit of his you had noticed when you two went to parties together in college. It’s what he does when he’s annoyed and holding himself back, beating someone’s ass. It’s a rare occasion for Sungchan to beat someone’s ass, but when it did happen, it was always deserved. Typically, it would be a drunk guy who wanted to buck up to the biggest guy at the party, a one-sided battle of masculinity that Sungchan always won, no matter who came up to him. You’ve only seen Sungchan throw a punch twice in your entire friendship.

Once, when you were in high school, and the last time was at a party during your junior year of college when a man put his hands on you despite you telling him to fuck off. The other times, he had simply told you about when you’d see him in the kitchen with littered bruises on his body. You think about that night more often than you’d like to admit. Sungchan didn’t hesitate to throw a punch for you, knocking the man clean out by the time he was done with him. It lit a fire in you that you’re not proud to admit. There was just something in his eyes that rubbed your brain right. You would never admit it, but were desperate to see that look again. You wanted to see him angry, to watch him lose control no matter how fucked up it sounds.

“Get your hand out of my face,” Sungchan told you firmly, looking you in the eyes to get his point across, but you weren’t deterred. You step closer to him, finger still in his face.

“No. Not until you apologize. Admit it was rude. You were rude.”

“I wasn’t fucking rude,” Sungchan argues, swatting your hand down when you don’t move it from his face. You bring it back up without a care of the consequences, resulting in a game of him swatting your hand down every time you bring it up.

You two look stupid. Thank God this is in the privacy of your living room.

“You had no right-”

“You were never going to talk to him if I didn’t! You’re a chicken-”

“I’m not a fucking chicken––Oh my god, don’t call me a bird.”

“You’re such a fucking chicken, dude. Do you remember how long it took you to even talk to Shotaro? Months. ‘Took you months to even say hi to him, and that’s because-”

“Shut up.”

“That’s because I had to step it! I was the one to get you to talk to him!” Sungchan continued with a shit-eating grin, voice picking up volume as he leaned down to get closer to you as if you couldn’t hear him clear enough, pointing to himself like he had won some kind of award. Your already flushed cheeks begin to heat up when you remember the Shotaro incident of 2022. He always brought up Shotaro, and even if it was just to pick on you playfully, it still struck a nerve. You were more shy than Sungchan ever was, always letting him start the conversations or introduce you to new people. Half of your friends are Sungchan’s friends; half of the people you’ve dated are because Sungchan knew them first. Every connection in your life could be traced back to Sungchan, which drove you insane.

“Now, you want to talk all this shit because you got embarrassed I had to step in again and help you get some dick,” Sungchan pressed, his grin turning into a smirk as he nodded at his words, feeling them in his being because they’re true. You stared at him with contempt, teeth grinding as your fists balled up tightly. “You should be thanking me. You’re so ungrateful for everything-”

You lunged at him. You swear you don’t have control of your body when you do it, you just throw your entire weight into his chest and hope for the best. Sungchan let out an “Oof!” sound when you collided with him, staggering back and hitting the ground with you on top of him. You act as if you two are playfully wrestling, but none of your movements have an ounce of playfulness in them. You straddled his hips firmly as you shoved at his hands harshly to get them away from grabbing you. You knew once he got his hands on you, it was over. He’d flip you two over, and it’d be done. You couldn’t let him win this. You couldn’t do it. You had to prove it to him.

You don’t know what it was, but you had to prove it.

You grab his hair tightly, jerking his head off the carpet to distract him, tugging hard on the brown locks. Sungchan lets out a yelp that sounds pathetic. His eyes squeezed shut as his large hands wrapped around your wrist to try and pull you off of him.

“Not fair-” He started. You shake his head, eliciting another yelp from him.

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up,” You spat at him, shaking him again. His face contorted in pain and confusion, groaning softly as he did what you told him for once. You couldn’t believe he actually listened. Truthfully, you didn’t think you’d get this far. You’re not exactly sure what to do next. So, you shake his head again, making him hiss when you tugged harder on his locks. “Can’t fucking stand you, you know that? You’re such a jerk sometimes. Just big, stupid, and taking up space.” You shake his head around with every word, watching him drop his hands and put them up in front of him in faux surrender, but he doesn’t say anything. He only whined and grunted when you pulled on his hair harder than usual.

You waited for him to spit something back at you, to call you a coward, to say you needed him, but nothing but pants left his plush lips. You furrow your brows in confusion at his silence. Sungchan was never quiet. You shake him again.

“Hello? Say something!” You shake his head again, this time back and forth. You won’t lie. It was fun to have him like this. He acted like some kind of puppet that you were the master of, pulling him around in whichever direction you wanted him to go in, and he just took it. Sungchan sighed in defeat, keeping his eyes shut tightly.

“My dick just twitched.” 

Oh.

“Excuse me?” You couldn’t think of anything else to say. Your hands, which had been roughly pulling at Sungchan's hair, suddenly freeze. Your heart pounds in your chest as you gaze down at him, cocking a brow at him. His face is flushed a deep crimson, though whether from embarrassment or something else, you can't tell.

"I said," he starts again, much slower this time, swallowing hard, "My... my dick just twitched."

You blink at his repeated confession, not expecting him to repeat the words. There’s a tension growing between the two of you that you’ve never felt before, making your throat dry as you stare at Sungchan’s embarrassed face, watching his chest rise and fall as he pants beneath you. Flashes of what he’d look like without his shirt flash in your brain, wondering what sounds he’d make as you sink down on him, how his eyes would look, how the muscles would ripple under his––Jesus Christ, get it together, girl. You remind yourself, clearing your throat down at him.

“Like…Seriously?” Sungchan nods at your dry words, opening his eyes slowly to look up at you. A switch in your brain is flipped when you see his big brown eyes. He looks utterly pathetic like this, hair in your hand revealing his forehead, eyes pleading for something silent, and lips in a perfect soft pout. You wanted to take his picture like the actual definition of pitiful.

You chuckle at him, shaking him again and tugging his hair hard to see if it really did anything for him. He whines again, shutting his eyes as his hands lurch towards your hips, holding tightly with a sharp breath through his teeth. You smirk at his reaction, raising your brows in slight shock it was this easy to get him going. Maybe it was the alcohol, you think. You’ve seen Sungchan shove his tongue down girls’ throats just mere minutes after he met them, but this is you. You’re his best friend, his roommate, the girl who beat his ass for talking to her crush for her. You know you’re pretty, and Sungchan is just a man, but you’re still caught off guard by it all.

Your palm still cradled his scalp, thumb lazily tracing small circles at the base of his hairline. Sungchan’s hands on your hips squeeze gently, fingers digging into your flesh just a bit more than necessary and causing a shiver to wind its way up your spine.

Without thinking, you leaned forward and claimed Sungchan's lips in a rough, desperate kiss. His taste was different than any guy you've ever kissed - salty with a hint of beer and lime from the drink he had tonight. You wrapped your hand tightly around the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him closer to you as your other hand found its way under his shirt to feel his warm skin. You didn't let up when he moaned into your mouth, feeling your touch while he tentatively kissed you back. Your anger turned into desperation quickly as you slipped your tongue into his mouth, tasting him fully now. His lips were soft and plush against yours as they parted slightly to let you in further. You moaned the moment your tongues slid together, digging your nails into his toned chest as he pressed in further, sucking softly on the slick muscle in your mouth.

Sungchan's hands moved up your body, gripping your waist and still pulling you closer. The fabric of your shirt scratching against his rough palms made you shiver with anticipation for more contact. You grind down on him out of instinct, feeling the bulge in his pants grow as he groans against your mouth, wanting more from both of you. His scent filled your senses - a mix of sweat and cologne and something uniquely Sungchan that made you want more.

The sound of his rhythmic grunts filled the room, a mix of desire and surprise in every breath he took. His fingers dug into your skin through your shirt, and you moaned into his mouth once more. Your breath hitched when he bit down on your lower lip gently, making you gasp and whimper into the kiss before breaking it, desperate for air. You gasp softly when you part, watching with hazy eyes as he pants as well, lips slick with spit and typically wide eyes heavy with lust.

You tug at his shirt, nodding before he has any time to say something that will kill the mood.

“Take it off.”

And he listens like a dog, pushing himself up and pulling his white T-shirt over his head, tossing it aside before wrapping his arms around your torso and pulling you flush against him. There are no thoughts in your head right now, only Sungchan, touching Sungchan, kissing Sungchan, fucking Sungchan––Holy shit, you were totally going to fuck Sungchan. That hits you harder than you thought it would. You’ve thought about it before. How could you not? He’s beautiful, kind, and built like a God. Of course, you thought about fucking Sungchan. It was nothing like this, however. Typically, you thought of him having your face pressed into the mattress, back arched, and fucking you from behind like he was getting paid. You would’ve never guessed you’d be on top, but it’s not like you can’t get into it for Sungchan. You’d do anything for Sungchan.

"Are you sure?" Sungchan whispers against the skin of your neck, his hands finding your hips again to steady you against him, his bare chest warm and firm. You're taken aback for a moment, not expecting the question. But then you realize that he’s always been considerate, even when he’s on the verge of losing control.

"Yeah," you say firmly, the word slipping out without thought and causing heat to flare in Sungchan's eyes.

Without hesitation, you reach for the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head swiftly. The cool air hits your skin, making goosebumps spread across your chest and arms. Sungchan's eyes widen as he takes you in, his gaze making you feel exposed and powerful. You struggle to pull your jeans off, having to crawl off of him to kick them off in haste. You hate how desperate you look but can’t bring yourself to care. Sungchan rolls on his side when you crawl off of him, lingering towards you like a lost puppy. His eyes watch as more of your skin is revealed to him, letting out a groan when he sees the smooth skin of your thighs.

Before you have the chance to climb back on top of him, he leans in, kissing the side of your thigh with a moan. You let out a gasp in shock but watched him with parted lips, threading your hands through his hair again as he dragged his lips all over the expanse of your thigh, leaving a trail of glistening spit as he did. He grabs your ankle, pulling you towards him roughly, making you fall back onto the carpet with another gasp. You don’t argue for once; you are too invested in what Sungchan will do next, even if you care.

His lips pepper kisses across the inside of your thighs, nipping at the sensitive skin with deep breaths as he inched closer and closer to your core.

He licks his lips as he hooks a long finger in your underwear, pulling them to the side. A moan leaves his lips when he sees your pussy for the first time, looking down at it like he’s looking at a coveted piece of art. You watch him closely, ears turning pink as he lifts two fingers to his lips, licking the tips of them before bringing them down between your legs to rub circles into your clit. His gaze stays on your cunt, watching how the pretty pink flesh moves beneath his fingers, biting his bottom lip when he hears you let out a whine, seeing your thighs tremble at just the slightest touch. Finally, his dark gaze lifts to meet yours.

With his eyes trained on yours, he presses a long finger inside you. A sigh leaves your lips as your eyes flutter shut, gripping the carpet with one hand while the other dug into your side, biting your bottom lip as he pressed another finger inside. You moan this time, feeling your walls begin to stretch for him. You hear him groan quietly, making your eyes open. You’re immediately met with his gaze that never left your face. He looks like he’s in a trance, staring at you like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. You can’t tell how it makes you feel, but you feel hot, like you’re boiling from the inside out. It aches, but it’s so intoxicating that you want more of it.

You whimper at how his fingers slickly slide out, then back in, watching him get lost in the sight of your reactions. You’re so wet for him. It’s almost embarrassing how wet you got so quickly. You swallow thickly as your chest rises and falls with each pant. His eyes stay on your face as his thumb presses against your clit, rubbing slow circles that make you shiver with a choked-out moan. His free hand cups your jaw, tilting your head back slightly, forcing your lips apart to look deeply into your eyes as he watches you crumble under him.

Feeling emboldened, Sungchan takes his fingers out of you slowly, letting out a long moan when they leave you empty. He lays a line of sweet pecks against your inner thighs, leaving tiny bites and nips on the soft flesh until he reaches the hem of his boxers. With a breathy "Fuck," he tugs them down enough to reveal his hard cock pressing against the fabric. You gulp as it springs from its confines, averting your eyes momentarily before snapping them back up to challenge his gaze. His thick length twitches with anticipation before he guides it towards you, slick with pre-cum leaking from the tip. Your heart stops for a beat before racing wildly in your chest again.

"Wrap your legs around me," Sungchan orders softly, not breaking eye contact even when you hesitate for a second before obeying. He grunts when he feels your folds pressing against his cock, pushing inside without a moment’s hesitation. He slides in so easily, groaning at how smooth the glide inside you is. He sounds as beautiful as he looks, making you moan as well. The way his cock splits your walls apart for him is delicious, to say the least, as a euphoria fills your veins as your walls spasm around him with another moan, this one airier than the one before.

“Fuck,” Sungchan curses, fingers digging into the carpet next to your head as he looks down at where your bodies were connected before back at your face. You two lock eyes again, making your heart hammer in your chest harder than before. Still, you meet his gaze with a quiet whimper, hands wrapping around his strong biceps as you bat your lashes at him.

“Feels good, Sungie?” You ask in a too-sweet voice. You rarely whip out for him unless you ask for a favor, like getting something off the top shelf or making him finish your short answer response questions because you don’t want to. Sungchan would do anything for you, and you’d do anything for Sungchan. He takes a deep breath at your tone, lips curling into a smirk before he bites his bottom lip, nodding.

Then, his hips roll into yours.

Sungchan's thick cock feels even better than you could have ever imagined, stretching you wide and fulfilling you completely. His hips roll into yours slowly, making you moan and whine beneath him with each gentle thrust. The way he fills you up is mind-numbing, his smirk turning into a grimace as he leans down to capture your lips in a rough kiss.

Your walls clamp down on him at the contact, purposely trying to get more friction between the two of you. Sungchan groans against your lips, slipping his hands under your back and lifting you up onto his lap effortlessly. You gasp into his mouth, feeling his hard chest pressed against yours. Your heart pounds in your chest as he starts to fuck you properly now, eyes closing at the sensation that washes over you. You swear you can feel his heartbeat against your chest, but you convince yourself you’re just dreaming it.

You feel every inch of him inside of you, making your walls tighten around him with every snap of his hips into yours. A tiny sob leaves your lips when he hits that spot inside you that has you seeing stars. You dig your nails into the flesh of his shoulders, jaw-dropping and eyes rolling back at how your body moves like a rag doll and at how sharply his hips snap up into you. He groans into your neck, nipping at the sensitive skin before sucking softly to soothe it with his tongue. You can't help but shudder in his lap; this feels so good that it hurts. His hands hold you in place, one on your waist and the other cradling the back of your head as he takes rough control of the kiss again, teeth scraping against soft skin with every thrust. He pants against your lips, moaning your name softly and how good you make him feel. It's all too much for you; all too real with Sungchan, yet so not real. You’re fucking your roommate on your living room floor––You’re fucking your best friend on your living room floor.

Your hands find their way into his hair again, holding onto him tightly as he continues to fuck into you like your his, his lips trailing hot kisses down your neck and over your collarbone. You mewl at the feeling, arching your back into his chest as he hits that sweet spot inside you once more. You could feel the warmth spreading through your veins, making you dizzy with need. The room spins around you as he thrusts harder, faster, deeper into your already aching pussy. His moans mix with yours, their tongues meeting in a messy kiss that speaks volumes about how much you both want this.

Your legs quiver as he takes control of the situation, fingers digging into your skin softly before trailing up to caress your breasts through the thin fabric of your bra. You let out a strangled cry when he pinches at one of your nipples roughly, making you moan into his mouth even more, looking down to watch him work with a breath through your teeth. Your hands' card through the hair on the back of his head, eyes shutting to focus solely on the pleasure coursing through your veins with every drag of Sungchan’s cock against your walls.

"Sun-Sungchan," you whimper. The sound of his name on your lips is like music to his ears. Your body is sweaty and flushed, a beautiful sight for him to feast his eyes upon. He growls lowly when he finally meets your gaze again, heat pooling in your lower belly at the raw desire he displays.

“You’re so fucking good, baby. ‘Should’ve fucked you soon, hm?” Sungchan groans, his voice creased with effort as he continues to pound into you. You can’t help but respond with a needy whimper, skin burning under his touch as you nod your head dumbly. You feel him everywhere, and it's overwhelming - the way he’s stretched you wide open, the way he feels pushing deep inside of you, the way his hands are holding you in place as if afraid that you'll slip away from underneath him.

Your heart beats furiously against your chest, matching rhythm with the throbbing ache between your legs. You're close, too close, but not quite there yet. Sungchan seems to sense your growing desperation, the flash of triumph in his eyes telling you he knows exactly what he's doing to you. He reaches down and begins rubbing slow circles on your clit again, thumb pressing against the sensitive nub just enough to make you cry out in pleasure.

“You gonna cum for me?” He whispers against your throat, teeth dipping into your soft flesh, causing a sharp gasp from your lips. You nod frantically in response, words failing you as white-hot pleasure courses through your veins. He laughs softly - a dark chuckle that sends shivers down your spine.

The way you melt against him is intoxicating. He grunts, unable to think straight as he feels his own orgasm building up. His hips move even faster, his cock sliding in and out of your welcoming heat with each thrust. He groans against your skin, panting heavily as he fucks you like it’s his last dying will, wet sounds filling the room that mixes with your pants and moans. You squeeze your eyes shut at the sounds you’re making, cheeks growing more read because of it. Sex is so embarrassing sometimes.

He pulls away from your neck just a little to look into your eyes, panting heavily as they roll back in pleasure. Sungchan's lips curl into a smirk at seeing how lost you get. Your walls tighten around his cock once again as you cum around him, making Sungchan's eyes roll back into his head and tilt his head back with a melodic groan that has you moaning as well. You feel him tremble beneath you as he finally cums inside of you, making you smirk softly as your hands run up and down his back.

You throw your head back and cry out his name, orgasm hitting you hard and fast like a freight train. He watches as you finally hit your peak, jaw-dropping at how gorgeous you look when you feel good. Your walls clamp down around him, and your muscles spasm in ecstasy; even through the haze of pleasure, you feel every drop of his cum spilling into you, the heat of it searing into your core. Your body convulses and shivers under the onslaught of pleasure, your voice breaking on Sungchan's name. 

Sungchan stays still for a moment longer, his cock still buried deep inside of you. His chest heaves against yours, ragged gasps filling the space between your sated bodies. He blinks slowly, his gaze holding yours captive as he pants out your name. You take his face into his hands with a deep breath, leaning in and kissing his lips without a second though. He moans into the kiss, holding your wrists gently as he does so.

You both stay like that for a while. Bodies joined together in the aftermath of your shared orgasm. The only sounds in the room are your gasping breaths and the rapid beat of your heart pounding in sync. Cautiously, Sungchan pulls out of you gently, making your pussy squeeze around nothing instinctively at the loss, a soft whimper leaving your lips.

He rolls off to one side, pulling you with him so that you're tucked against his side. His arm wraps around you and keeps you close to him, fingers dancing along your sweaty skin lightly. Neither of you speak for long moments, too wrapped up in trying to regain control of your breathing and coming down from your highs even to fathom thinking of words right now.

Eventually, though, Sungchan breaks the silence with a soft whisper, "You okay?"

Your lips twitch into a tired smile against his chest, pressing a small kiss there before nodding. "Yeah," you huff out after a moment, "That was…"

"Crazy," he finishes for you, making you shut your eyes with a laugh, nodding in agreement.

“Yeah…That was crazy,” You whisper, moving your head to rest on his chest to soak up more of his warmth. Your cheek squishes against his chest as you lay there, looking down at his spent cock resting against his thigh. It hits you that you’re both naked and just had sex on your living room floor. This calls for a conversation at the least but you can’t drag yourself to start it, completely spent from what just occurred.

So, instead, you close your eyes.

if there was one thing that eunseok loved more than anything during sex it was your attention. he didn’t want you to even look in a different direction, let alone be distracted by something other than him. if your phone went off, he’d laugh knowing you were completely oblivious to the ringing that was bursting from the speaker of your phone. the first few times it happened, eunseok simply thought you were ignoring it to focus on him but after watching you check your phone and confusingly ask if your phone rang during it, he knew it was unintentional. he knew you had ignored it by accident, you hadn’t even heard the ringing whilst he was fucking you. that’s when eunseok knew just how cockdrunk he could make you.

he adored when you got like that, how you’d lay there with glossy eyes and parted lips, hair a mess as he fucked you brainless, because that’s what he actually done. by the time he had finished fucking you, you felt as if your brains had turned to mush and your body had been weakened into a complete and utter mess. but as much as eunseok loved that part of you, he couldn’t help but crave to have your full, undivided attention on him, so he had to find a way to bring you out of your dazed, doll eyed state.

“baby” he spoke out, holding your jaw in his hand as he thrusted into you sharply, your body lay weak under his, your fingers held onto his shoulders but your grip felt weak. you moaned so sweetly under him but your voice was more broken than it usually is, he knew you were falling, sinking into a subspace that he would struggle to get you out of.

“baby you need to answer me” you let out a broken whine, your walls clenching tighter around his cock. you knew he was speaking to you but you couldn’t hear what he was saying, everything sounded like a blur. eunseok sighed, laughing slightly to himself as you responded to his slurred words with another whine “need to focus on me baby” your lips parted as he thrusted into you a little harsher, his movement being no help to the state you were currently in.

he gripped your jaw a little harder causing your mouth to open wider, he chuckled to himself as he saw a line of drool drip down the side of your face. that was enough for him. he let go of your jaw before placing his hand on your cheek, he pulled it bad before letting it strike down gently against your skin. you whimpered, jumping at the slight contact before he done it again. at this point he was simply tapping your skin, needing to see how far he’d have to go to bring you out of the space you had fallen into.

eunseok looked at down your glossed over eyes, he felt as if you were slowly coming back to him, but he wasn’t sure. he tapped your cheek a few times, each tap becoming a little harsher as you whined under him. eventually he brought his hand back to so he could slap it against your cheek, the palm of his hand striking down against your skin harder than it had before. your back arched up, your chest pressing against his as you whimpered out loud, your glossy eyes becoming more aware of your surroundings as your fingers dug deeper into his skin.

“seokie” your voice was shallow, barely being heard over his skin now slapping against yours.

“shh, its okay baby” he groaned out, pressing his head into your neck as he fucked you “just wanted you to feel it all”

“please don’t stop” your fingers found themselves tangled in his hair as he continued what he was doing. his hips bucking against yours, skin slapping against one another. this is what he wanted, he wanted to hear you falling apart, to have you pulling at his skin and crying out his name as he fucked you into oblivion.