B.

For December, last month of 2020. I decided to make the most of it, to actually accomplish things I've been postponing for months, or even years. This time i want to set goals for each day, - i will not use the try word - but i will check each item on the list set for the day and check as much as i can get done and not waste the day for doing nothing other than my usual routine. i want to learn more, watch more, design and breathe more. i want to get rid of bad habits. i want to stop watching video of youtubers getting their life together while i'm only watching and not doing the same. or maybe i should keep watching to get more inspired and productive?

Speaking of productive, yes i want to be productive. i want to organize my thoughts not only my life. i want to focus more. breathe more.

All of above could be the goal for the next 2021. but I need to do this for what’s left of this year. for me.

I am publishing this so I can feel the responsibility. I hope I’ll make it true.

me: is it time yet to start blogging?

also me: let's say it was. what would you blog about?

me: i'll blog about wasting time and doing nothing with my life.

also me: is this how you feel? do you really think you are wasting your life?

To new chances and opportunities, to letting time heal the wounds..

To hope and future, and that there's only hope in life for better days..

As much as I was very very depressed with the last months status and how everything shut down and got locked down, and even doubted for a minute and questioned if we ever going back to the way we used live? To our normal lives? And if it really is the end of the world.

But again, humanity overcomes everything and somehow I started feeling hope again and I know for sure that anything is destined to be the way it is, it's Allah's will.

12/May/2020

Even in a dream we couldn't be together and had a hard time reminiscing how we were, or worst, how I thought we were.

I don't know why you and why now, or maybe I do? These little talks we started to have these days are probably the reason.

The last thing I want right now is for me to be back to that time. It's bad enough that little things like this triggers this much of hopeless drastic feelings.

As always, I'll try to control it and hold it back to myself. Because :

"I ain't got no business catching feelings."

-- B.

Same day last year, was my first day at work.

I was nervous knowing nothing about what I'm about to go through, only a basic idea about what the company does and what my friend (my best friend and I work at the same place yaass) does. And I remember going in there the first day excited but at the same time asking myself why the hell did I accept this position lol? I was feeling anxious as usual.

I had an exceptional first month experience tour and an exceptional job role. I remember the CEO when interviewed me saying that this is an opportunity for me to explore and try a new thing, and I have the chance to change to where I find myself better at in the future. Now a year later, I'm afraid that I'm getting attached to where I am now and torn between continuing doing something completely different from what I have pictured myself would be and to somewhere I can be what I want to be.

The question is, do I know what I want to be? Or I'm afraid to take that move to actually do it and this is what this whole thing about? Hesitation? Anxiety?

Anyways, happy anniversary to me.

12/12/2018

As I'm always having endless trouble with waking up early and getting ready for either school or work, I'm always open to see how do people manage to organize and set their morning routine and get ready, I've seen tons of videos of vlogs and GRWMs on YouTube and still same result lol. But never mind me, I admit that I wasn't consistent and didn't actually set a tight plan on how I would wake up to work every single day for the week.. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyways, here's a video that might help set the steps to start a simple basic morning routine and motivates to actually stick with it this time.

FYI: in case you missed it too, GRWM means get ready with me. Yepp I was surprised too at first! But that's what you get when you spend too many hours on YouTube lol.