Anakin Skywalker x Autistic!Reader (Wellā¦ Technically Writer) Headcanons
(This will have been sitting in my drafts for a long time. By the time this is posted, the writers and actors strikes will be over. Hopefully, everyone is paid fairly!)
TW: Mentions of ableism (ANAKIN IS NOT THE PERSON BEING ABLEIST! TRUST ME: HEāS THE OPPOSITE), some very explicit asking for consent about kissing (why this is a trigger, Idk)
A/N: This really, really got away from me. This might actually be way longer than the Eleventh Doctor HCs. I honestly debated whether or not to just incorporate Earth stuff into this, but I decided against it because Iām already doing that with the Mixiverse. More on that later. Also, Iām drawing from even more personal experiences. š Itās kind of how I cope.
Youāre not like other people. You know that much. And thatās exactly what attracts the Chosen One to you
Much like himself, you express yourself in ways that are entirely different from others. Hell, you even express yourself much differently than the Jedi!
When Anakin meets you for the first time, itās when heās still a padawan learner. Heās immediately smitten by you. He loves talking with you about the things that interest you, and how similar you sound to him whenever heās talking about mechanics.
Heās devastated when he learns that you come from a planet where people like you arenāt treated equally. Itās why your family took you to Coruscant in the first place: so you could be in an environment that fostered being different as a good thing.
Although Anakin knows nothing about autism, heās willing to learn more. The more he learns, the more he comes to realize that he loves you. Not because youāre on the spectrumā¦ but because youāre a lot like him. Youāve been put under pressure since a young age, and yet youāve proven yourself time and time again.
Whenever you two go on an adventure- when Anakin has the opportunity, which is pretty rare- you find yourself falling for him too. But youāre terrified to confess your feelings because you know heās training to be a Jedi, and you donāt want to get in the way of his dreams.
But when he tells you that he loves youā¦ it feels like the world has collapsed. You wonder what you did wrong. And you make the mistake of asking that question out loudā¦ in front of Anakin Skywalker, the boy whoās madly in love with you.
His heart nearly breaks in half when he hears you ask that question. To him, you canāt do anything wrong. He believes youāre the most perfect person in the galaxy. Anakin tells you exactly that, but it sends you deep into a state of overwhelming anxiety. You feel instantly afraid of being a burden on his life as a Jedi.
āYouāre not a burden. Not to me. Not to your parents. Not to anyone,ā he says, his voice soft as velvet thunder. [yes, I made a reference to B99. And what?]
āBut your dream is to be a Jedi,ā you sob.
āWhy does that matter, Y/N?ā
āBecause you canāt have attachments!ā
Youāre overwhelmed now, and Anakin hates it when you get overwhelmed. Itās not annoying. But it definitely feels terrible to see you in such a heightened state of anxiety and frustration and panic.
The tears on your face make him feel awful. He wants nothing more than to take away your pain. He doesnāt like hearing you talk this way. Anakin is suddenly overwhelmed now too, but by something much different: the urge to press his lips to yours. āY/N, is it okay to kiss you?ā
The question is straightforward, simpleā¦ and it brings the heat to your cheeks. Youāre not sure if you even heard him. āWhat?ā
He canāt help the smile that comes on his face: soft, sweet, and oh so full of love. Love he feels for you. āI asked if I could kiss you.ā
He feels like a little kid when he asks, āWell, can I? Thereās no pressure.ā
You eagerly nod. And then his lips are on yours. Heās a very gentle kisser. When he pulls back, he smiles at you and holds your face in both hands. āNow, how in the universe could you possibly be a burden if youāre so wonderful, Y/N?ā
From then on, you two start a relationship. But it needs to be kept secret. Not because Anakin is embarrassed to be seen with you- quite the opposite, actually. But heās sworn himself to the life of a Jedi, and attachment is forbidden. That doesnāt stop you two from doing all you can to see each other and spend time together. Whatever that looks like.
On days where youāre feeling depressed, he takes you out to dinner. He makes sure that itās at a place where youāre able to eat something that doesnāt make you feel uncomfortable, but that also allows for you two to be unrecognizable to patrons and employeesā¦ and a place that isnāt too loud or overwhelming for you. Thatās challenging but you manage somehow.
When heās drafted into the Clone Wars, youāre devastated. You barely get to see him as it is, and now heās going off to war? Top that off with a very secret relationship between the two of you, and the fact that heās got a fourteen year old padawan now? Why canāt he just be with you?
You completely forget that heās there. Anakin is right there when you vent out, āHe should just be mine!ā
To your shock, he agrees. āI wish I was yours too, but I canāt.ā
You immediately feel shame. āI didnāt mean it like that, Ani. Iām sorry-ā
He hugs you, rocks you from one side to the other to soothe you. The same way your parents would sometimes do for you. Anakin has truly done his research on autism and how best to help you whenever things get tough emotionally.
Oh. By the way, your occupation is in the arts. You have a big bag of art supplies that you carry around wherever you go in case you get inspired by something you see. And Anakin Skywalker is one of your most frequent muses.
So, when you see him sporting that CW hair [not the obnoxious CW variety. Iām referring to the Clone Wars], youāre instantly inspired. And you draw him in action with his lightsaber and that gorgeous curly hair, and you give it to him as a gift when he comes back from one of his missions.
āWhat could I have done to deserve you?ā, he asks before kissing your cheek. He goes on to praise your talent, which youāve been very insecure about lately.
There are times when you get overstimulated by the world around you. The first time Anakin is present for an instance like that is when heās taking you for a ride in a speeder.
Heās alarmed at first, but he pulls over quickly to help you.
āWhat can I do, sweetheart?ā, he asks.
āI donāt know. I donāt know. Itās so loud here. I canāt think!ā
The instant he hears you say that itās too loud, he pulls your head towards his chest. Anakin has a tight but gentle grip on your body as he does his best to keep your ears protected from the noise. And he reaches out with the Force, going through your mind to make things a little easier for you as he takes you back to your place.
By the time you get home, youāre mentally exhausted from being so overwhelmed. But Anakin carries you into your room- your mom knows him, and she adores him. She calls him your boyfriendā¦ which is a very scary thing for you and him because heās absolutely not allowed to have any attachments whatsoever- and he puts you down on your bed.
When you open your eyes, he smiles at you and runs his fingers through your hair. You canāt smile back because you feel embarrassed about getting so overstimulated by everyday noises.
āY/N, I understand how hard it can be to deal with noise like that. Itās no big deal,ā he whispers. The reason heās whispering to you is because he knows youāre very tired and just want to sleep.
And, after you do all the things you usually do before bed, you fall asleep in the arms of Anakin Skywalker. And even though he has no choice but to leave, he makes sure to leave a note on your nightstand that says āSo sorry I had to leave. I wouldāve stayed with you all night if I couldāve. But duty calls. I love you. See you soon, my starā. Gosh, what a sweetheart.
Sometimes, Anakin gets very protective of you, especially when he comes across people from your birth planet.
And if he finds out that theyāve- as he so bluntly puts it- āwronged youāā¦ heās even more protective. He wonāt let you out of his sight because heās terrified of you getting hurt again.
When Anakin crosses paths with a person who was supposed to be your friend, heās instantly upset with them because he can sense that they didnāt love you as much as they really shouldāve. And as much as heād like to see them in the same pain you suffered, heās wise enough to know that you wouldnāt want that.
However, he doesnāt let that āfriendā get away without knowing the face of the man who loves you more than anything else heās ever known.
When your birthday comes around, Anakin gives you a new set of art supplies. He knows you very well, and this only proves that.
All in all, Anakin Skywalker is the boyfriend of the century. And come what may, heāll never stop loving you. Though that might be your undoingā¦ but letās just assume that he never turns to the Dark Side, shall we? After all, this is a different love story. And who knows? Maybe you foil the plot to overthrow the Republic!
If thatās the case, then hurrah! You and Anakin live happily ever after with four children! (Three sons, one daughter: Luke, Leia, Finn and Poe) Also, Obi-Wan is happy to help. And Anakin welcomes his help because he knows how difficult life can get. Not because of you being on the spectrumā¦ but because this is Star Wars, not Star Domestic Life.
However, if you prefer the original trilogyā¦ then yeah. Youāre doomed. But, on the bright side, you know for certain that there is good in Anakin. Your son is proof of that.
But letās just stay in the reality that has the happy ending.
