Weight of Living

It’s fine, Bailey said, and with that June felt like the other woman was giving her an out. She could just continue her day as if she’d finally offered Bailey an apology without actually saying it. But no, she wasn’t going to cop out. “No, it’s not,” the hacker scoffed lightly. Holy shit, where to start? “I know that saying this to you is long overdue. I was- harsher to you than you deserved. I had my reasons then, and to me they were valid at the time…” June wasn’t about to lie and say she felt she had been wrong at the start. Somewhere down the line that initial rejection had twisted, though, had become a misguided feeling devoid of solid basis. “But, well, eventually I guess I just went on being so cold towards you more out of habit than anything else… And I’m sorry”. June thought it would have been more difficult to say that to Bailey but surprisingly, it wasn’t. The words left her mouth naturally, sincerely. Frankly, June wasn’t expecting anything to come out of this. It was merely something she felt was necessary, even if the headmistress’ daughter ended up telling her to fuck off and turned to leave. “You’re a good person, Bailey. You’ve proved that time and time again, and-” June pressed her lips together for a moment, “You didn’t deserve the way I treated you”.

Bailey let her speak with out interruption. A year ago an apology from June would have brought her to tears, now Bailey could seem to give a shit. Staring out the window she watch the rain pelt against the window pane as she continued to speak explaining herself. “It took you watching me mourn Kishan to see me as a person...I understand not trusting me, but June I can’t help but think this isn’t just about how I got into the grid.” Bailey trailed off sighing. Now turning to face June she looked her dead in the eyes. “Are you apologizing for how you acted or are you apologizing for what you and Sebastian are going to do?”

“Yeah, I guess so. I forgot my umbrella at home,” Wes said to his cousin. He stared at the water droplets rolling down the glass doors and listened to the rumbling thunder overhead. “You don’t have anywhere you need to be do you?”

“I guess you’re stuck with me then.” Bailey didn’t remember the last time she’d spent time with Wes. It was good to see him. “Not till tomorrow morning thankfully.You?”

Kishan couldn’t help but smile at Bailey. “Excellent advice. You should embroider it on a pillow,” he joked. “Of course you’re important. Anyone who tells you anything different is a liar.” He picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “I’ll see you at six.” He smiled at Bailey again as he walked off to get ready.

Kishan showed up early to Bailey’s apartment, but waited around a few minutes to knock on her door. It wasn’t a date or anything like that, but it still felt like something special. He was still handling things with moving to New York and dealing with the fact that Wes, his best friend, wasn’t around to celebrate with him or even help. Kishan knocked on a door a couple of times and then stepped back to give Bailey some room. “Hey! You ready to go? Everyone is waiting downstairs in the car.”

Bailey couldn’t help herself, even going to the fair she ended up in a skirt. Through she did manage to find a pair of sneakers that passed her rigorous test of style. The knock on her made her smile, he was right on time. Perfect. She pulled the door open throwing her bag over her shoulder. “I’m ready.”

Jack shook their head at the ridiculousness of it all. “Yeah, he does. He doesn’t have any proof other than the stuff about the code. He thinks that Kishan’s been corrupted by GAIA. June said we should scrub Kishan’s code and clean it up and that should fix him, but Reyes says we should let him go. He’s letting his personal shit get in the way of the bigger picture. June’s not far behind him. She’s getting attached to him,” Jack explained in a low tone. Ever since the last time Jack was in the Grid with June, the two hadn’t been seeing eye to eye. Before that, Jack and June were friends. Not close ones, but friends. Jack saw June as putting herself before the rest of them, getting so obsessed with The Grid and never sharing any information except with Reyes. “You. You’ve always been able to see things clearly. You’ve had a level head. You’re around and present. Maya isn’t here. Plus, you don’t hide secrets from us. If you’re up for it, I’d support you.”

“I was just in with Kishan, he seemed normal to me.” Bailey said with a shake of her head. “We’ve never seen GAIA do anything like that and we know Kishan put himself in there.” It wasn’t clear if she was reassuring herself of trying to convince Jack but the words slipped out anyway. “I am not going to let them do that.” Losing Kishan again wasn’t an option, she couldn’t do it again. Pressing her lips together Bailey heard Jack out waiting till the end of the statement to react. Her hand tightening around the cup of tea around her. “You think that’s a good idea?” It wasn’t something that Bailey had ever even imagined. “I haven’t exactly been stable the past few years.”

Her bag hung from her arm and she carried her motorcycle’s helmet in one hand and a latte in the other. It was pouring too much to even consider driving home so she resigned to the fact that she would be stuck here for a while longer and got herself a warm drink. A while back she would have walked the other way when seeing Bailey was there but things were- well, not quite the same as when the whole Grid business started out. “Yeah, I think we don’t have much of a choice, really,” she mentioned as she approached the other girl. Once students and now they were both teaching, Bailey a professor and June just an assistant to Professor Hopkins. “Hey, I uh-” the hacker began, wondering how to bring up something she had been thinking a lot about lately. Better to do it quickly, just rip it off like a bandaid. “I owe you a big apology, Bailey”.

Bailey looked over at June. She nodded biting the side of cheek, deciding what exactly she should say right now. It had never been easy between the two of them and it probably never would be. This conversation already felt fraught and it had hardly begun. “It’s fine.” Bailey wasn’t certain what the apology was for but she could think of a few things. None of them mattered any more.

“Fried dough, really? That’s your go to fair food?” Kishan said with a laugh. “Alright. We’ll get you the best fried dough there is.” He stood up and held his hand out to her. “Now I know your usual go to outfit is business casual. Very chic and stylish, but the heels will not work at all for the fair. I’d hate for you to twist an ankle.” He shoved the rest of his things back into his bag. “I’ll come by and we’ll pick you up at six. Is that okay?”

“Of course, just got to be sure not to wear black.” Bailey said laughing with him. “Wow, I must be pretty important.” Bailey takes his hand and stands beside him. “I think I can dig up something more fair appropriate. Boston gets pretty muddy in the spring you’d be surprised what I can get through in heels.” Bailey nodded. “I’ll see you at six then.”

“You’re damn right,” they said with a laugh. They smiled at Bailey, happy to see how far she’d come. When she was first brought into the group, more than half of them didn’t care for her, mainly because of how she’d weaseled her way in. Jack, while skeptical of her intentions at first, cautiously reached out to make friends with her. Luckily, it had all paid off. Bailey was a trusted member of their group and she’d changed since her first encounter with them all. Jack dropped their face as Bailey asked about why Reyes wanted to delete Kishan from The Grid. Jack didn’t completely support the idea of keeping Kishan’s ghost around, but they knew that he meant a lot to everyone else, so they kept quiet about it. “Reyes said that Kishan’s program is what created the Geists in the first place. Something about it being Kishan’s code. I don’t know what it is about Reyes, but I don’t trust him. I vote that we get him out of the group but June has a firm grip on keeping him around. I think it’s time someone else stepped into the role as leader.”

Bailey heart was beating out of her chest, this whole conversation couldn’t be real. They couldn’t take him from her, she can’t lose him again. Her mind raced but Bailey kept it from showing on her face. Jack and she had never exactly been close but she appreciated them bring her this now. “Reyes thinks he’s dangerous then? What proof does he have?” Bailey sat up a little straighter. “I go in and see Kishan all the time, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” There was a hint more venom in Bailey’s words then she intended to let seep through. “New leadership? Like who?“

“That’s good. Hopefully not too overwhelmingly busy though, right?” Jack said. “No sense in burning yourself out in your first year of teaching.” They sat back in their seat, pulling their knees up to their chest. They took a sip of their tea and laughed lightly. “I hear it’s supposed to get better, but I’m skeptical.” Pretty soon, they would graduate and have to decide whether to continue with grad school or go into the field or return to acting. Both meant leaving Boston and Turing Academy and inevitably leaving the Grid as well. “Reyes wants to delete Kishan’s program in The Grid,” Jack said in a solemn tone. “Nothing has been done yet, but I think he’s convinced everyone that Kishan’s program is corrupted and needs to be deleted.

“I wouldn’t call it overwhelming just busy really especially in the first few months of the school year. Take more then one year of freshmen to burn me out.” Bailey explained the sound of the growing a bit louder against the window as she spoke. Bailey watched as Jack curled up in their chair the tone changing suddenly. Her eyes flashed up from her tea as she sipped it setting it down trying to take in what Jack had just said. “I’m sorry, he wants to delete Kishan?” There was a part of Bailey that thought about screaming but she held it down. “Why?”

Kishan knew that Bailey’s reputation sometimes meant her getting excluded from gatherings. He hated to see anyone get excluded, so he figured it was only right to extend an invitation to her. Plus, he enjoyed her company and saw a side of her that others never saw. “I’m so glad you said that because we were going to head out tonight. Should be fun. Tons of games and rids. Also, don’t eat anything beforehand. There’s going to be lots of food trucks there and there’s one that I think you’ll really like.”

“I think you’re right.” Bailey said with a small smile. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d been to fair. It had to been long before she enrolled here. Memories of the arcade filled her head and Bailey felt her cheeks flush a bit. There would be other’s there it wasn’t a date, she shouldn’t feel flustered. “I’m already think about fried dough.”

Jack smiled and sat down in a chair next to the window with another chair and table. They poured some tea for Bailey into the cup that came with the thermos. They took a sip of the tea from the thermos and set it to the side. “How have you been? Haven’t seen you in a while. You’re all busy now with classes and things. It’s like you’re a real adult,” they said with a laugh. 

Taking the seat across from her Bailey watch the rain hit the window as she poured the tea for the two of them. “I’ve been alright, busy yeah.” Bailey couldn’t recall the last time she’d seen Jack. Most of her trips into the grid had been on her own time right now. “I am sadly, though it’s nice to live without homework.”

“Well, you know my philosophy,” he said, “work hard, play hard.” He closed his textbook and journal, shoving them into his bag to make more room for Bailey to sit down. “I don’t know if anyone told you about this, but there’s a fair just outside of Boston. A bunch of us are going. Would you want to come with me?” he asked her. “With us?” He smiled at her, hoping she could make time out of her busy schedule to have a little fun.

She sat beside him just happy to share space with him. There was a brightness about him that Bailey felt pulled to. “I hadn’t heard of it.” Bailey was a bit surprised at the invite but found it almost impossible to say no to him when he smiled that way. “I-I yeah of course I’m free tonight actually.”

#Flashback - February 2019 (one month before Kishan’s death) @baileyfuge​​

Kishan sat down on a bench in the courtyard with a journal and text book next to him. He leaned back, closing his eyes for a moment, a little tired of staring at code all day. He took a deep breath, opening his eyes again. He squinted though because of the harsh sunlight reflecting off the buildings and sidewalk. He needed something to ease his mind and relax a little. And as if his prayers had been answered, he noticed Bailey walking by. He waved to try and flag her down. “Hey! Bailey!” He called out when only waving didn’t work. Once he caught her eye, he grinned and waved to her, hoping she’d come over to his bench.

Hear her name called Bailey turned to look behind her. There Kishan sat in the sun waving to her. Bailey felt her heart beat a little faster and smile spread across her lips. Pulling the strap of her bag over her shoulder she wasted no time crossing the neatly cut grass of the court yard toward him. “You look busy.” She said her tone clearly joking, taking the seat beside him.

“Sounds like a good plan,” Jack said, brushing their hair back. “I don’t have to be anywhere anyways so it works out.” They smiled and pulled out a thermos of tea. “You want some?” They’d been meaning to talk to Bailey since she wasn’t at the last impromptu group meeting they had. 

Bailey had taught her last class this morning and also had no where else to be. Holding up in this building didn’t seem too bad an options. Especially with the offer of tea. Bailey smiled and nodded. “Yeah, tea would be great.” 

“After you get them back together, you get the hell out of here, okay?” Kishan told her. It seemed silly that he told her to stay away and then told her to come back with the group back together. Since he couldn’t exactly call Bas or June or any of their other friends, asking Bailey to get in contact with them was the only way. At the thought of his sister moving on, he felt both happy and sad. Happy because it meant that his absence didn’t hurt as much. Sad because it meant that eventually he’d be forgotten. It was one thing to be wherever people went after they died, but it was another to have a piece of him that was essentially alive inside a computer program where time didn’t exist. “Tara brought you the letter?” He remembered writing it but he didn’t remember sending it. He didn’t think it was ready yet, but Tara obviously took the liberty to give it to Bailey anyway. “I…um…sorry my handwriting isn’t the best. I hope it wasn’t too hard to read,” he said, nervously scratching the back of his neck and giving her a sheepish smile.

“One thing at a time.” Of course Bailey had no intention of never coming back but for the moment that didn’t need to come up. She had reason enough to come back for now. Bailey didn’t want to argue with Kishan, so she wouldn’t. Not right now anyway. “And a gift,” Bailey said wondering if Kishan even recalled what he had written her. Bailey let out a quiet laugh. There was an uncertainty in both of their tones now. The note hadn’t changed anything for Bailey really just reaffirmed it. “The handwriting was fine.”