heavenly.

MASA TROTS BESIDE MINORU as he heads back from the mailbox. he shifts through the letters carefully, most of it junk, until he finds the one he’s been waiting on. the sight of younghee’s pretty handwriting makes him smile and walk just a bit faster towards the old farm house. masa thinks they’re racing and he rushes ahead while minoru carefully tears the very end off the letter to read it.

once he gets inside, he sits down to write her back, not even caring about the fact he’s allowed masa to track dirt into the house. he has one thing he focuses on and that’s writing her back immediately.

                                                                           —

                                                                                                                             sept. 5th, 2019

younghee,

first off, you don’t need to worry about my not responding to your letter. i think a lot of people would benefit from letting themselves vent out their issues, so i’m glad i could help you vent out your frustrations. i promise it’s really not boring. i’m a simple guy, so anything relating to the city is pretty adventurous for me.

it’s strange that you mention it raining there when you wrote this, because it rained yesterday and the smell of it was so clean and fresh, i can smell it right now as i read your letter over again, going through it so i’m sure to comment on everything written.

you’ll lighten up. i’m just a very informal guy, probably? i hope that’s not something you mind. my mom would probably smack the back of my head if she read through any of the letters i’ve sent to you. lucky for me, she can’t read korean. i do promise i’m respectful to elders though!

i think you should go for it. from what i’ve heard of your mom, which isn’t much of course, she seems like a kind person. i don’t think she’d lie. so the cooking lessons would be good for you. get you away from work too, yeah? as for myself, cooking is a must around here, but i’m not too good at getting all three meals a day. i’m pretty guilty of eating just snacks for lunch and leaving the biggest meal for dinner. i know, i know - unhealthy.

ah, nothing wrong with getting sentimental. it sounds like your mom is just trying to get you back on your feet. do you really feel like you were just following what the next step of life is supposed to be? i think everyone should make their own choice about their lives and not follow some mold.

that’s why i chose to come back to my grandpa’s farm. i could’ve stayed in the city with my mom and siblings and done a really good job in some factory, probably worked my way up. but that wasn’t me. i wanted fresh air, soil between my fingers, something that i could call all mine. it’s hard work, but it’s good. you can break that mold any time and find something worthwhile.

well, from what i know just from the letters, i don’t see you having a job because of your dad. you sound like you dedicate a lot of time to your job. but you know, you don’t have to impress everyone. what’s the point? it’s really childish people are turning away from you because of rumors. but do you really want any of those kinda people liking you anyways? they don’t seem worth that kind of effort.

that’s good advice, and don’t apologize. again, everyone’s gotta vent, right? i hope you writing it all has helped some.

i’m a spring guy myself, so probably april, but i also live on a farm so i like the rainy weather to help grow the crops. but this time of the year is really nice with all the colors. winter is beautiful out here, but there’s a lot of snow. i got stranded last year for a couple of days. it wasn’t too bad, i just couldn’t make a run to town because of the truck being near buried in snow.

my birthday? it’s not until the end of october. yeah, i’m a halloween baby hahaha. when’s yours? i’ll write yours down and send a gift as well! just remember, i’m a real simple guy, i don’t even know what i could ask for really. let me think on it.

if you rambled, so did i. but yeah, i’ll stop here as well. there’s a lot to reply back to, but don’t feel like everything needs to be commented on. i just wanted to show i cared.

you keep warm and take care too. don’t let your job consume your entire time alright?

                                                                                                                            harada minoru.

p . s .  you know, i got to thinking of something and i know it’s really early in us talking, but… fresh air has been good to me. maybe it’d be good to you too? if you wanted to, maybe you could come stay here for a while, help out some even? some time away from the city might help you think about stuff. no pressure, just… an offer i thought of after i’d already signed my name at the bottom. classic me.

rainy days are still here, and younghee likes them. it’s cold and therefore, it’s cozy. when she’s not spending her day at the office, dealing with rude comments, bad faces, mistreatment, etc; then she’s at home, wrapped in a bunch of blankets, freshly baked muffins from her favorite bakery shop and a nice warm cup of cocoa. it’s all perfect. 

today, as she walks under her umbrella, heels clicking against the pavement, there are two things in mind: getting cozy and hoping she now has a letter from someone she simply can’t stop thinking about. it’s sort of crazy, isn’t it? she doesn’t even know how her pen pal looks like but somehow he’s in her thoughts 24/7; a faceless, but very kind-hearted man. 

she’s excited when she gets home and sees that indeed, she has a letter from him. her levels of excitement reach a new high, actually thinking she wouldn’t get an answer so soon, but she did. she leaves the umbrella by the door, heels off as she trots over to her couch, plopping down like a teenager who’s about to call her boyfriend as she opens the letter and reads everything he has to say.

the first smile comes when he mentions rain and she parts her lips to murmur, “it’s raining again.” thinks that somehow it’s as if they could be connected, right? by rain, or something. maybe she’s just being ridiculous for no reason. 

everything he says is ridiculously precious and she can’t stop smiling at it. he’s so sweet and gentle and it’s almost as if she can feel it, as if he’s right there, sitting next to her, talking so informally and carefree as he does and god, younghee needs that, she needs the lack of protocol, she needs someone to not be formal all the time with, she needs to laugh and talk and live and walk under the rain with. 

“yah, min younghee, stop being ridiculous.” she whispers to herself, eyes continuing to read. 

and then, she gets to his last message and her heart jumps. he wants to meet her? he... oh. frantically, she gets up from her couch and pases around, almost terrified at the idea. no, not because he’s a stranger (and come to think of it, she SHOULD BE terrified of that), but because he wants to meet her. she, quiet, reserved, sometimes uptight younghee. 

but he seems too sweet and so carefree, she can only assume he will absolutely hate her as soon as they meet. one thing is this, the letters and the other is them in person. everything would be so different, everything wouldn’t be like this and yet... yet her heart is telling her to go, her heart wants her to and she can’t even fight it, she can’t even say no to it. 

for once, perhaps, she should shut down her brain and listen to her heart. 

and thus, that’s how she gets pen and paper, and writes.

                                                                  *

                                                                                                                           sept 12th, 2019

minoru,

there’s so much to say. you said many, many lovely things that i would like to address so you know i care about it too. but perhaps, i was thinking... maybe i should tell you in person.

say...

when do you think i could get there?

in a week? or two?

please, let me know. i can’t wait to visit you.

he gets up abruptely, embarrassed with his own thoughts. hyukjae has only been a dutful servant and here aroon is, thinking about taking advantage of him. “don’t worry about getting in trouble because of them, alright? i’ll let the queen know i’ve taken a like to roses and asked the gardener’s apprentice to bring me some every day.” he looks at hyukjae, still wishing he could come closer, he could touch his face and hold his hand. “and you can’t stop bringing them to me, this is an order.” his voice is soft so hyukjae knows he is not serious, not that much. “or else how will i have sweet dreams?” aroon asks, winking.

he says it.

oh, he says his name. hyukjae is more than sure he’s never heard anything more beautiful than this, his name on the lips of the man that he loves. the man that he loves but will never have. prince aroon is just this, a dream, a real, beautiful and perfect dream. 

it’s kind of unfair, all this time he has spent watching him from afar when he could’ve been doing this for so long already. but who knows, perhaps hyukjae will feel overwhelmed eventually, overwhelmed because he just loves him so much, because he’s perfect and ethereal, because every single little thing about the prince is enough to make hyukjae want to dig a hole and bury himself there. it’s the first time he’s ever felt like this for anyone and he knows it’s stupid, he knows it’s tremendously stupid. 

the prince calls him beautiful and hyukjae blushes, tilting his head down so he doesn’t have a chance to see it. no one has ever called him beautiful. perhaps the prince had the power to see beyond the slight dirt on his cheeks and nose, perhaps he could see so much more than what everyone else could see in the flower boy. it is when he touches his hand again that hyukjae breathes out, his own turning over, wanting to hold his.

he doesn’t, but he feels it, how perfect and soft it feels against his. hyukjae’s hands will never be this soft and clean, he knows that much. it’s almost a sin, isn’t it? to touch someone so far up in their social status, to touch someone when he’s a simple little boy without a future. “i wouldn’t get hurt, i can always be very careful, i would try my best-” but then he’s gone.

hyukjae watches the prince get up and of course, he follows suit, taking a step back, once again bringing distance between them, the distance they should always have between them. “i understand, thank you very much.” he bows to him, taking yet another step back. whatever crazy fantasies that are running through his mind must come to an end eventually.

“Hyekyo?”

In his life, it wasn’t just a name. She– Hyekyo, had been part of his world for as long as he could remember, and she meant the world to him. A friend since childhood, a best friend growing up, and a woman he dreamed of spending the rest of his life with.

Except… he had let go of that dream. Perhaps she visited as a best friend trying to make amends. His fingers then reflexively clutched her hand. It didn’t make sense yet, but at least she was there. He was even expecting for her boyfriend to visit anytime and prepare for the impending heartbreak, but he didn’t care. If this was a dream, he would never want to wake up.

everyone fears something, don’t they? some fear the dark, some fear clowns, some fear spiders, some fear monsters under their beds. there’s an endless list of fears, of fears that cloud your mind, of fears that won’t let you think rationally.

moon hyekyo fears many things. she’s known fear in many shapes, she’s felt it, smelt it, seen it, dealt with it. but none of those experiences could ever come close to the fear she felt when her phone rang, when the lady on the other side of the line told her her husband had been involved in a car crash. 

no type of fear could ever compare to the fear of potentially losing him.

she watches him sleep, tears in her eyes that don’t quite stream down her face, but they would if only she could allow them to. joonhyuk; her joonhyuk. always a sweet and kind friend that became a caring and loving husband. she had lived through very satisfactory and fun years, but they certainly couldn’t compare to the two years of marriage she had spent with him. always happy, fruitful and fulfilling. 

losing him isn’t an option and hyekyo, as intense as she can be sometimes, is already making up plans and ideas in case things get complicated. ironic considering she’s never been one to plan or overthink things. but when it comes down to him? she’s willing to overcome anything and fight anyone.

he opens his eyes and she watches him. for a moment, she doesn’t say anything. the doctor vaguely mentioned something about a head injury and she can only imagine how bad he must be feeling. perhaps in too much pain, if so. hearing her name leave his lips feels like a gorgeous melody, one she’s heard many times but this one feels way more special. she can’t help but let several scenarios run through her mind, scenarios where he wouldn’t be here, with her. 

her fingers curl tightly around his hand, feeling his own hold on tight to hers. this feels perfect, it always feels perfect. “yes? it’s me, it’s me of course.” she stutters, her name leaving his lips suddenly catching her off guard, but bringing her so much peace at the same time. 

but those are all excuses aroon tells himself, he knows the boy is no such thing. all he wants is to make sure the apprentice doesn’t leave.

“you still haven’t told me your name.” he says, voice now calm. “your prince is waiting, garden boy. tell me how should i call you.”

there are no guards. no threats. no nothing. hyukjae doesn’t even dare look up when the prince kneels down in front of him; it is, of course, until he places his fingers under his chin and coaxes him to look at him that hyukjae breathes out; both in relief and completely in love. 

this is the perfect opportunity for hyukjae to look at the prince this close and he’s completely speechless. he’s so beautiful, he’s truly the most beautiful being he’s ever seen, now there’s no doubt about it. hyukjae has seen many people in the past and even now and no one can compare to the prince. his physical beauty is unparalleled, and now, as he talks to him and makes him feel better, hyukjae realizes his inner beauty is just as strong as the one outside. 

“i’m happy you do.” he says, almost breathless. it’s the physical contact that absolutely makes him weak. because that’s the thing, hyukjae has been alone for so long, he can’t even remember when was the last time someone touched him or when was the last time someone was this gentle with him. “i.. really had no idea lavender roses are your favorite, i’m so happy you like them.” 

it is then, when he holds his hand that hyukjae shivers and can’t even control his own fingers when they press themselves harder around the prince’s, wanting to hold forever and never let go. he’s being so sweet and gentle, hyukjae could die right there and he would go happy; because the man he loves is, indeed, the man of his dreams. kind, sweet and gentle, he’s not like everyone else thinks he is and it makes him very happy. when he makes the joke about him forbidding him from leaving, hyukjae finally smiles, a chuckle falling from his lips, “i won’t leave, i promise.” then he lets go of his hand and he sighs, wanting to feel him again.

“hyukjae.” he lets him know, bowing his head, “bae hyukjae. i’m really sorry i didn’t introduce myself before.” and now he wishes the prince will repeat his name, wishes he’ll be able to hear it leave his lips, wants to take it with him, engrave it in his heart. he wants to reach out and touch him, feel his skin, feel his warmth... but he doesn’t, oh, he could never. his hands are so dirty and so bruised by work, his filthy hands shouldn’t go anywhere near the prince, so perfect and ethereal as he is.

“your majesty, are you sure? these flowers... after all, belong to the queen, don’t they? i don’t want to steal from her, it was truly never my intention. but now that i know, now that i’m thinking about it, perhaps i should stop, i wouldn’t want to make anyone angry.” well, at least the prince wasn’t, but that wouldn’t be the case with the queen or the king. “but everyday, everyday i wish i could bring one rose of each color.” he confesses, and doesn’t stop, “give you the sweetest dreams you can have. comfort. peace. anything.” he deserves it, someone as fantastic as him truly deserves all that and so much more.

hyukjae could lay there and sing endless praises to the prince, hoping he wouldn’t find him creepy or anything like that (which, he probably would), but there is no one else hyukjae would praise and love on more than him, no doubt about it. “but i could go outside! oh, dahlias! they’re so beautiful, but i would have trouble picking the right color for you. red dahlias are related to strength and power and then there are pink dahlias, they symbolize kindness and grace. both colors would be perfect.” he explains, starry-eyed, excited. 

aroon looks at the boy, takes his time studying each of his features – this is a luxury he can give himself as the prince, to openly stare at people. he looks at the way the boy figdets, looks at his arms, his shoulder and chest, but it’s on his lips that aroon focus. he wonders how it would be to kiss them. “i’m sorry, how rude of me, i didn’t ask your name!” it’s uncommon that someone with such a high status such as aroon would want to know the servant’s name, but his father taught him better than this. know people’s names, listen to their stories, learn about them so they know you care, so they support you. a king is only as strong as he support by the common folk. “i’m aroon, nice to meet you!” he smiles. “you can look at me, i know my face is not as pleasant as my mother’s but the way you keep avoiding me makes me feel like i’m hideous.” he chuckles, hoping the boy knows it’s a joke.

he loves lavender roses and when he mentions that hyukjae knows all about the meaning of flowers, he randomly imagines them both, walking around the garden, their shoulders touching as hyukjae explains the meaning of every flower, everything he’s learned so far. but that magic ends when the prince starts talking again.

hyukjae can’t perceive any sort of threats coming from the prince, not even in his voice. yet, he listens to everything he says and he starts to panic, already wondering if he could have enough time to jump over one of the tall walls that keep the garden protected. he figures he does not, by the time he’s jumping down to the other side, he would have a bunch of guards ready to chop his head off if he dares take another step forward. 

the thing is, the prince raises very important points. first? the fact that someone is stealing from the garden and it’s true, he is. even if the roses are for him, hyukjae is still stealing and the realization dawns on him when he mentions the queen. right, of course that’s why he’s not allowed to handle those roses, because they require much more work and care to keep the queen happy. it truly makes him realize that he has been stealing flowers from the queen, not from the garden, but the queen herself. 

another point comes in the shape of incompetence. say, if hyukjae wanted to make up a lie, keep denying he knows nothing about this, then he would admit his and the gardener’s incompetence; because someone is clearly stealing and taking advantage of them. that someone, sadly enough, is himself. and he knows that prince aroon isn’t making any threats, but when he mentions the ideas the king could come up with, that’s when hyukjae panics even more. 

he hears the prince’s voice, he keeps talking to him, he even introduces himself in a very informal way that hyukjae can’t even process. truth is, he can’t process anything right now, not when a million thoughts swim around his head. so now what? in the eyes of the prince, hyukjae is already a simpleton moron and if given the chance, a thief too. he’s every single bad thing in the world and it slowly breaks hyukjae’s heart. funny, because the prince isn’t accusing him of anything, but if he can read him well, then he can surely read the guilt on hyukjae’s face. 

so now what? he doesn’t think he can lie any longer. so he looks back at him, wishes he could sing praises to him, tell him that he’s absolutely not hideous at all, but instead the most beautiful man person he’s ever seen. but he can’t do that because instead, hyukjae falls down on his knees, hands on his thighs as he bows his head down. “i’m sorry, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry, i did it.” he wonders if the prince is going to end up telling his father after all, or if he will call the guards. oh, perhaps he’s gonna get thrown somewhere for stealing from the castle, from the queen.

“i.. i.. i’m the one who... who brings t-the flowers... i... i put them under the pillow b-because...” because what? because he’s a fool? because he’s a fool who fell in love with the prince, with someone who will never be on the same social status as he is? he closes his eyes, “they bring sweet dreams. but it’s wrong and i’m sorry... please... i promise i will leave and not come back, i won’t steal anymore, please i beg you.” he can just go back to town, work a million jobs so he can have enough money to live in a decent way.

he takes a step forward, wishing he could touch the boy, wondering if his skin is as soft as it looks. “the roses. does anyone besides you and the gardener have access to them?” he asks, looking at the flowers. it’s easier than look at the boy. “has any lord or servant ever asked you to give them some or maybe… for you to take them somewhere?” he looks at the boy again. “you can tell me if someone did, you won’t be punished, i promise! i’m just curious about who else could be so interested in them.”

anything. anything but this. 

right off the bat, he already knows why the prince is inquiring about the roses. it’s kind of stupid, right? how did hyukjae expect to keep on living like this without raising any sort of suspicions from the prince himself? did he think he’d be able to do this for many years? with the prince not giving a damn about it? clearly, and now that he knows how wrong he was for thinking such things, he doesn’t know how to get away from the situation.

he doesn’t look up at him, not yet. eyes are glued to the grass, remembering those stories the other workers would share, about how making eye contact with royalty can be disrespectful. hyukjae doesn’t think it’s such a big deal but he doesn’t feel like fighting it, instead actually keeping those words inside his brain and for now? keeping his eyes glued to whatever else that had nothing to do with the prince.

he nods, confirming he is the apprentice, and subsequently the only other person, besides the gardener of course, with complete access to the garden. now, lying to the prince could, most likely, ruin his life and most importantly? his job. without his job, sure, he wouldn’t have the income, but at the same time, he wouldn’t be able to see the prince as often as he likes to. he has to be honest.

“no. no one has any access to the roses, nor the garden. it’s just us two.” finally he looks up at him, making eye contact again, unable to look away. when prince aroon tells him he can be honest and nothing bad will happen, hyukjae can’t help but think about it, think about... the possibility of him lying. what if the prince was just as evil as the rest? what if he was baiting hyukjae into saying something he shouldn’t only to end up torturing him or something like that?

no, no.

prince aroon isn’t like that and when hyukjae looks into his eyes, he knows, he knows he can trust him, he wouldn’t harm him. maybe the prince is actually the same as he is in his dreams, sweet and kind. good to his servants. simply put: a good person. 

“no. no one has asked me to give them to someone or to deliver them. these roses... they’re very precious and i was told to be very careful with them.” his hands come together, fingers fiddling with each other. “is there a problem, your majesty?” now he’s just playing completely dumb and knows that if the prince ever finds out, he’s going to be in trouble for... well, many things, but now he could add ‘liar’, to the list.