i have so much anxiety right now. 

I get scared on actually finishing school. having a legit doctor position. it’s overwhelming at times.

i get scared about if i’m even smart enough to do what i want to do for a living, and i get nervous about the future. I get scared that i’ll mess it up..or i get scared that I may end up really doing a lot of things by myself in the future like..raise kids...having to do stuff overall by myself. I hated to see my mom be so alone all the time, so what if i end up turning into what i hated to see growing up? 

How stressful and tough yet rewarding it has been. 

Between spending 3 years in hell to now being able to see glorious mountain sides everyday with some of my fur children is a blessing. I’m not in an extravagant place by any means. There is no central heating, the apartment itself has a lot of quirks, and the building looks like you can kind of get murdered in it from the outside, but the change of scenery itself has been pretty nice. Just like most places, you’ll find yourself some rude people, but majority nice people...i’ve been grateful to meet some really nice people so far. 

The move itself was...stressful. At first i was telling myself I regretted it a lot,but i had no way of turning back even if i wanted to. This was part of my fate at this point and a new adventure I was planned to set out on. However, I reconnected with some old friends along the way and found new amazing and beautiful things landscapes to enjoy. 

My landlord has been nothing but accommodating for me (even though he is brand spanking new at his job).  He has his own two kids and a wife and he’s come from japan. His older kid is about four and flipped out over my life sized bulbasaur, and i thanked them for everything by giving them a little louisiana type stuff. 

I met a new friend while getting my internet set up. She’s from Florida and she overheard me talk to the rep about my pc build that i had made a month back. She had shown me hers and how hers is jolteon themed (while mine is venusaur themed) and we hit it all pretty well! It feels good to have connected with someone and be able to meet and hang out with in that manner. 

As i’m typing this, i can’t help but to keep on looking outside with my cat in my lap sleeping peacfully. I’m excited to hike, try new foods, meet new friends along the way..and i can’t wait to share these experiences.

Most importantly, i can’t wait to see the person i’m in love with again. 

And here’s what I've learned: 

1.) give doctors and surgeons some respect at least. They’ve gone through hell just to learn how to take care of us in a specific field..I at least have to give credit when it’s due.  2.) at the same time, I've also learned that life is in the hands of other people who work hard to understand medicine. As I was watching someone first hand on a table with their skull being drilled in, it made me wonder how seriously quick a surgery CAN possibly go wrong with any wrong move.

3.) I might not become a doctor who conducts surgery...but I am a doctor who will specialize in someone’s fate in their hearing health.. I need to be more mature in terms of the lives of my patients this year, and I hope to make that a goal.  4.) Surgeons listen to soft rock and fall out boy during surgery. I sat there listening to 3am by matchbox 20 whilst watching two holes be drilled in a mastoid bone to find the round window in the cochlea.