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A lady tried to give her baby a new bottle as a gift

but she got banned for being a female-presenting nipple

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What’s a spiders favorite thanksgiving meal?

Corn on the Cobweb

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One of my proudest moments

Trucker Man: *drives around with large windows on his truck on a busy street*

Me: Oof, that must be a pane.

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Why don’t lice go to church

because they’re hair-ticks

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Why did the cookie smoke weed

it wanted to get baked

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Why couldn’t the toddler seesaw

it was R-rated

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My deaf girlfriend broke up with me because I was bad at communicating

I guess she saw a lot of bad signs

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Be there or be square

cause when you’re not there you’re not around

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I can’t weight until they define the kilogram

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My boom box can read both cd and cassette tapes

what a total player

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I was told that my detailed examantions made me seem like I had a stick up my butt

I was just trying to do analysis

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When it comes to paper

that’s where i draw the line

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*gets a call on my cell*

me: new nucleus, who dis?

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