𝕣𝕖𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕣 𝕓𝕠𝕪

The thing about coming so far was that you had to start in a drastically different place. Sure, the Finn of today was wiser, kinder—but really, that just showed how inexcusably shitty of a person he used to be.

As much as he hated his past behavior, he swore—both to Blake and himself—that he wouldn't run from the hurt he felt or caused. Never again. Running was what had caused him so much pain in the first place. He wouldn't go back down that path.

Even when facing it meant causing hurt of a different sort. The whole point of this endeavor was to make amends, which meant that Finn couldn't lie, even when the truth hurt both of them.

Which was probably why he felt a wave of selfish relief when Leo confessed to somehow—miraculously—not hating him. He had every right to hate Finn for all the shit he'd put him through, but here he was, being far more generous than Finn deserved. Even without accepting the apology, just that admission was more than he could've hoped for.

But there was still that hurt to contend with. At some point Finn's gaze had been drawn back to his companion, and the lack of light in Leo's eyes just then didn't go unnoticed. The dancing fire did a piss-poor job of imitating it, only serving to make the arduous half-smile Leo offered feel even more like a punch to the gut. God damn if it didn't make him want to strangle his old self.

"That's sweet of ya'—really." For all of Leo's negative thoughts about his own alleged "lack of growth," after all these years, Finn finally saw it for what it was: Leo was the type of person who would never give up on you. Back then, no matter what Finn did...Leo just kept on following him. Come hell or high water—no matter how little he deserved any of it. Looking back, Leo was the first person to ever have that kind of faith in him.

Man, how the fuck didn't I see how lucky I was?

He wouldn't run from their past, but he sure as hell could try his damnedest to make up for it. Getting rid of that twist in Leo's expression was a good place to start. "What, ya' didn't get the memo? First rule of the new me: you plant your ass on that high horse and don't fall off no matter how hard it bucks," Finn joked with his own partial smile. At least their playful remarks could ease the tension in the air somewhat. Baby steps.

But he just meant, well . . . Happy.

Like, sure, it was one thing for the dude to no longer be waving a knife around, to be less pissy about every living thing that looked in his direction (and even non-living thing; Leo was convinced he’d beat up a lightpost if it just so happened to be in his way). But this wasn’t just, Hey, I calmed down a bit and am not nearly as angry at the world (or you). Would you like to be friends? He was . . . smiling. Not smirking all cocky and condescending, but down-to-earth, simple as a child lighting up on Christmas, smiling. Only that, unlike that child, he’d gone through every circle of hell to find this happiness, it seemed . . .

Gods, how did he do that? Leo was still partially convinced he was talking to someone else entirely.

But when he dared to stare at him longer than a fleeting beat of don’t look him in the eye don’t look him in the eye oh gods don’t provoke him (Spoiler alert: Leo provoked him every time), he caught traces of familiarity. He still noticed a crooked quirk to the shape of his grin, like he couldn’t fully fight off the hellraiser in him. He still caught that sort of spiritedness, but something that was in better control, not fueled by a hatred for the world and everyone in it—and, look, Leo understood, okay? He was guilty of feeling some of that hate himself, for everything he had gone through to get to this point. He’d just always figured making light of the crappiness (joking, that is) was easiest.

Maybe the Finn he met all that time ago thought the same about his anger.

Of course, the very second that flash of Knife Guy in his grin softened to something sincere, Leo had to abort that ever-elusive eye contact as if he’d provoke something else out of him: somehow more daunting than the aggression he was used to. He heard him out, yeah. He processed—with the grace of an old car rumbling down the road on flat tires, merrily swerving into a ditch—that Finn did want to “start over,” in some sense. And he . . . what? He wanted to, too? Maybe? Really, what was the worst that could happen, right? (So, it was lost on him why this was so stupidly difficult.)

Leo managed another abrupt exhalation. Sort of a chuff, sort of a cough, mostly just because he’d been holding his breath again. “I mean,” he began, half-shrugging as his fingers futzed with his pant leg. “It’s really not like I have high standards or anything, dude. We know this.” Or any ability to think before he spoke; also another quality of which they both were aware. And as his dumpster fire of a brain caught up with the implications behind that statement, he all but flinched on the spot. “That’s—! Shit, I just meant . . . ”

Yeah, everyone here is 100% aware of what you meant, bro. A+ as always.

To be honest, Finn had no idea how Leo was going to take this whole 'making amends for the past' thing.

It's not like the pair of them had ever been in this situation before. The Finn that Leo knew would never have apologized for anything, least of all when it was most deserved.

Finn watched as Leo's restless energy took on a whole new form as soon as he got sappy. He saw those jitters amp up to the next degree, saw how Leo couldn't look him in the eye, but he kept powering through. What began as a noble endeavor quickly morphed into something selfish: apologizing to someone who didn't want it, ignoring the poor kid's discomfort in a desperate chase after some kind of atonement—if not from Leo, then at least from himself.

No, Leo didn't accept the apology with graciousness or thanks. Finn couldn't blame him. All at once he seemed even more lost than he'd been in their olden days, uncertain and reserved like Finn had never seen. Watching Leo shrink into himself made his heart ache. Ironic that Finn's attempts to be a good person were the cause; it seemed this reunion was letting them both seeing new sides of each other.

"The way I acted...it was never personal." Which wasn't an excuse, nor was it a reason for Leo to not take it personally, because how could he not? He'd never deserved any of the hostility and cruelty that the old-Finn dished out. "I met plenty of folks on the road to gettin' my act together, and I treated every one of 'em the same way. I hated everybody," he said again, sighing deep before adding, "—myself most of all. And I made it eeeverybody's problem." Finn's mouth twisted with the bitter truth of those words. Even now he hated who he'd been back then, and moments like this were exactly why.

Back then he hadn't cared who he hurt; how kind or undeserving they were. He'd just wanted everyone to hurt just as much as he had been.

"Heh, yeahhh, nothin'll kick ya' right in the teeth like people goin' and changin' on you." Deciding to spare the kid a bit, Finn gazed up at where the firelight cast erratic patterns on the ceiling. "If it makes ya' feel any better, I am still kinda that guy. I'm still the same, just-barely-scrapin'-by street warrior you knew back then...just without the perma-scowl and bad temper." He paused a moment, considering, then huffed a fleeting laugh. "I do still have the knife, too, so if ya' think about it, I'm basically just 'Knife Guy 2.0.'"

Leo hadn’t the faintest idea. And that probably wasn’t helped by the fact that he couldn’t even be positive he wanted to accept the apology. And that probably wasn’t helped by the fact that he couldn’t even be positive he wanted the apology at all. Why did he even come here with Finn in the first place? Why hadn’t he left? Why was he making the same mistakes he’d made all those years back when they first met? Why couldn’t he just walk away? (Hilariously, it was more like, “Why did he keep walking after him?”)

Y’know, it was nice to think that he’d grown maybe a little bit since last they spoke (not nearly as much as the guy calling himself “Finn” right now), but the more Leo sat there listening to Finn’s explanations, the more he felt like a scared kid all over again. The more those old habits crept back in, tossed in his stomach and tingled in his veins. The more lost he felt.

For a second, he wondered if some malicious entity had just drop-kicked him into the past again, laughing the entire way, thrilled to see this demon of a child struggling back at square one.

Old habits . . . Nervous habits . . . His attention flicked to his own hands, turning them over a few times, flexing his fingers, double- and triple-checking that there was no smoke; he was still in control.

One leg extended, as if that hunched posture was screwing with his airway. He let out a fluttery breath. “I don’t hate you, man,” he confessed, stated like Finn even assuming that was the craziest thing he’d heard in this conversation. “I mean, like . . . after all of that? How could I? I’d be the jerk, but— Well, even back then, I didn’t hate you. It’s not like I wasn’t aware you had stuff going on. Like you said: none of it was personal.” But then, for some reason, as he contemplated that one sentiment, his chest twisted, mirrored there on his face as he reiterated mostly for his own sake, “None of it.”

Leo wasn’t about to unpack why he suddenly sounded disappointed. Best to move on from that. Run, more like. (Old habits.)

❄️～～ The dream you have is like a prayer in ink on parchment                         The thing that your small hands cling onto does not yet exist                             Even so I wish to protect that road you will travel down                                               And to keep what’s beautiful as beautiful～～ ❄️ 

Independent - Highly Selective - Private ITSUKI from SENGOKU BASARA                                      As Loved by BECKOWSKY

Crossover and AU Friendly (Features many game and anime verses!)

Multiadoptable

Script, Dialogue, Para, Novella, etc.

Mun is over 18 (Muse is older in some verses)

Mostly SFW, but will feature mature themes

Also featuring side muses of the same series

Blog is not spoiler-free

Home // Ask // Rules

𝐫𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐬 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐦𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲,   his mouth downturned,   eyebrows gathering in  &  painting a pained expression on the captain's features.   who in their right mind would ask such a query to a kid    ?!  he often boasts about how much better he’s gotten when it comes to thinking before speaking,    &  then he has moments like this that make him doubt everything about himself.           ❝    i’m sorry.   i probably shouldn’t have asked.   you don’t have to talk about it,    ❞         he says with his voice losing its power.

Leo turning the arrow back at Jim is   RELIEF.   the knot in Kirk’s stomach starts to dissipate.           ❝    i do,    ❞         he admits.

❝    it wasn’t instant for me.   i had plenty of time to think about where i’d been and where i thought would be my final place of rest.   it was not a matter of 'my life flashing before my eyes'.   i didn’t think about what i did.   i thought about what i knew,   in my heart,   that i should have done,   but never   DARED   to.    ❞

oh,   how desperately the captain's deep sapphire gaze yearns to evade Leo's inquiring gaze    !  yet,   Jim remains steadfast in his resolve.           ❝    so,   when i came back,   i started to be more honest and open with those around me.   i stopped beating myself over what i could not change so that i wouldn’t fight the same battles for the rest of my life.   i,   uh                               ❞

after a brief shake of his head,   a fleeting laugh escapes him,   disbelief ephemeral around his eyes.

But Good Boy Captain Kirk jumped on that opportunity near-immediately. So immediately, in fact, that Leo was pretty sure some sort of strangled hiccup squeaked out of him that was thankfully muffled beneath Kirk’s voice. And there again, going against his character, Leo had no trouble simply listening.

Crazy, right? It was almost as if a kid was ten times more willing to hear someone out when they showed they respected him. (Crazier when it was Leo being respected, but . . . This was more or less a fever dream at this point, anyway— Maybe he was still dead.)

Open and honest, Kirk said. No more beating yourself up.

Well. Leo was the master at not doing those things. 

Listen to your heart.

And seeing that the captain had just poured his out, Leo had to forcibly swallow a snort of a laugh at the sentiment. Not derisive. Not because he thought Kirk was wrong or because this advice absolutely wasn’t helpful. But simply . . . Gods, what did that even mean?

He let out a low, impressed whistle. “So, being Captain also automatically makes you incredible at giving speeches on the spot, huh? Insanity. I must’ve slept through that class.” Leo looked away, not only taking the opportunity to break eye contact, but consider everything in that speech. “Yeah, I mean— I-I guess that makes sense. Sorry for, uh . . . forcing that out of you, too.” Seemed fair, right? As admirably as Kirk expressed all of that, Leo wasn’t so dumb to assume it wasn’t difficult for him, too.

Not even the James T. Kirk was invincible—clearly.

since her arrival at camp that summer - adelaide has been crushing on leo valdez - hard. it's as if eros himself hit her square in her heart with a love arrow. she hasn't been shy about hiding her feelings towards him either. any time he wasn't around at meal time or attending any of the various classes - her heart sank.

she'd even toyed with the idea of asking nyssa to give her forging lessons just so she could be close to him. she had quickly came to realization that was not her forte - with help from her friends in the aphrodite cabin of course. callus hands don't look good on her - nor would they heal properly due to her constantly picking at the ones she already had from sword fighting. a reason why she always hid her hands behind her back when around other or opted into letting drew do her nails for the sake of hiding the scars.

if this was anybody else - boy or girl - she'd be hiding but not around leo. she knew his heart was gentle and kind. how often had she gotten distracted in archery today just dreaming about him and where he was in his ship building plans? right. she'd sent victoria to the infirmary with an arrow in her leg. oops...she'd check in on her later.

she twirls again before skipping back over to him. addy bats her eyelashes at him, giving him a soft - for a child of ares - nudge, "you may just have to make me one so long as that heart happens to yours." she giggles, "wasn't my attempt but this is my best dress. i had mama ship it to me last minute. fashion emergency and all that." she waves a hand, dismissing her struggles of finding the perfect outfit for the makeshift picnic.

adelaide swats his hand, "ah, no, sir. you sit and rest for a moment. finish with whatever tinkering needs to be done then you are mine for the hour." she pauses, thinking it over. "maybe two." she places her hands upon the basket. "i'll set this up for us. i managed to get a list of your favorite foods from piper so you'll love it." she grasp the basket in one hand and pulls out a medium sized red blanket to spread out on the floor on bunker nine. she hums contently as she lays out the spread of food and drinks before clasping her hands together in triumph. "finished! you better be done tinkering over there, mister."

But if someone like Leo tossed that into the wind hoping it would catch . . . ? Well, easy to assume it’d “catch” like a boomerang and come flying full force back at his face.

When she said it, it was endearing. It was cute. It made him laugh because of how absurd it sounded, but in the sense that she’d just told him a killer joke, not that she’d just made every little nerve in him cringe at the awkwardness. With her, it wasn’t awkward. She erupted into playful giggles meant only for him, and Leo could—very briefly—forget all that earlier confusion, stop reading into every little thing and just enjoy someone’s company.

Y’know . . . successfully “people” instead of just doing his best reenactment of one. Pretty wild, huh? Most of that “awkwardness” he spoke of came entirely from his end; it was almost like if he learned how to just chill out and not hyper-analyze every dang thing, this would go smoothly. Like a well-oiled machine: something he knew.

(But he always screwed up with that thought process: assuming people worked like machines at all. He needed to get over that.)

“Yeesh, okay. Sorry,” he eventually concedes with a smile, holding his hands up in surrender as he backs away from the basket of goods. “Maybe we keep these things out of reach next time, huh? Or put a childproof lock on it or something; you know us tinkers get curious.” And thankfully for this curious tinker, he’s able to distract himself swiftly with what he was working on as a convenient means of not overthinking (again) the whole “mine” statement of hers. He turns from her, glad to hide that growing heat in his face, and clears his throat.

By the time she invites him over, he’s pleased that he’s gotten his body temperature . . . mostly under control. (Not that it’ll last—)

Leo looks over the arrangement, and probably looks pretty silly doing it, mouth agape like a kid on Christmas morning. He thinks for a moment, Hey, it’s really cool of her to go out of her way to make sure I’m eating. (If not slightly embarrassing.) Then, Whoa, she really went out of her way. (Remember the comment about body temperature earlier? Yeah. Not lasting.) And as he climbs out of his stool to join her on the blanket, an awed smile creeps across his face.

did she bring food as an excuse to see him? yes. did she expect him to call her out like that? nope.

adelaide sets the basket of food upon his desk, giggling as he drapes his elbow across the desk. dear gods she didn't think he could get any cuter yet with his goggles pushing his hair back the way they were - it was enough to make a girl weak in the knees. she is that girl after all. since his arrival back from the quest to free hera - addy has been making every excuse possible to be near him. she wholeheartly enjoys his quick-wit humor. it was simply just a bonus that he was cutie - and that he could fix weapons. goodness - if he forged her a pink sword - she'd marry him on the spot - her dream wedding be damned.

"very hard agree." she laughs - a wide smile upon her lips. "i even got all dolled up. want you to have something pretty to look at while you eat." she takes a step back to spin around from him - she's dressed in her best red dress complete with her signature pink converses, hair in curls ( thank you, drew ) and her makeup done lightly with her signature subtle pink lip gloss and soft pink eyeshadow. she's swear up and down that it totally didn't take her long to get ready - the state of the ares cabin however would disagree. sure, sherman would be upset at her for leaving her clothes everywhere but she had more pressing matters to attend to rather than cleaning. "whatcha think?"

Did it mean something that Addy kept showing up like this? Probably. Did his jokes carry some merit? Probably. But did he continue to make up his own private excuses for why she was here that had nothing to do with enjoying his company? Definitely. She was a pretty girl. He was . . . him. What more was there to say?

And yet there she stands, lighting up at his attention, laughing at his remarks, and then . . . straight-up admitting she’d gotten herself “dolled up” for the occasion. (Like she could hear his thoughts and wanted to give him hard, irrefutable evidence.) Admittedly, Leo wasn’t typically the type to be into the girls who did the “dolling up,” but that was probably just because girls like that typically picked on boys like him. Addy could’ve shown up with twigs in her hair, dirt smearing her cheeks, and he wouldn’t have found her any less pretty.

The fact that she put in the extra effort, though . . . meant something, right?

Gods, this was always so stupidly confusing. Girls were confusing. People were confusing.

He’d been faking it this long, though . . .

“Hey, I like it,” Leo offers, mostly because he thinks that’s the safest response. (And he’s not lying, either.) He wonders if the slight heat he feels in his face is noticeable, once he’s taken the time to process her mention of giving him something “pretty to look at.” (Again, confusing. Some girls got bent out of shape when you stared at them.) “Did you mean to go for a whole”—he waves a hand in the air, gesturing vaguely at her get-up—“Valentine’s aesthetic? Now you just need some heart jewelry or something.” Says the guy who didn’t know the first thing about fashion, but, look . . . she reminded him of the aisles at every grocery store that were dolled up to fit the latest holiday, and Valentine’s usually looked like cupid had barfed hearts everywhere.

Addy looked way better than that.

They sometimes put a bedsheet up in the Big House with an ancient projector pointed at it during the slower winter months. Will was pretty sure one of the Hephaestus kids had retro-fitted it, because it had a pretty good picture despite how broken it looked, not to mention access to basically every streaming service he was aware of. Although everyone sitting in the Big House could be more challenging during the summer months when everyone was generally busier. Well, this wasn't his mess to manage and of all the things the campers could be doing while bored, this was probably the least concerning.

And speaking of concerning.

Will's face paled as he watched Leo seize onto his plea, taking it as a suggestion instead of a warning. Because of course he did. Warnings were challenges inside the mind of Leo, as far as Will could tell, and Will's brows bunched together as Leo squeezed his arm. "No, not my permission." Words tumbled awkwardly out of his mouth as he returns the grab at Leo's arm with something more urgent. "Leo, you just promised me you weren't going to try to get yourself smited any time soon."

Okay, fair enough. Will had a reason to be worried.

If Leo thought being fussed over was jarring and uncomfortable before, then the earnest grab to his arm was entering the big leagues; put a tally in the Lameness category for Leo actually flinching a bit. “I’m not going to try to,” he argued, partially annoyed that his words came out airy, like Doc had just punched him in the gut. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually have a death wish. It’s more like . . . shit happens, right?” And like a child scorned all over again, he shrank into himself the instant Will released him, lifted his other arm to rub at that point of previous contact.

            HONESTLY,   SHE   KNEW   SHE   HAD   OVERRATED.   THIS   WAS   A   CHILD   of   Hephaestus.   They   were   built   to   withstand   such   outbursts   from   mechanics   and   whatnot,   right?   But   even   so,   that   didn’t   mean   she   couldn’t   worry.   Anyone   can   be   hurt   despite   how   good   they   are   at   what   they   do.   Even   Apollo   kids   could   get   injured   during   archery   or   when   they   tried   to   put   their   medical   practices   to   use.   Besides,   her   other   father   always   liked   to   be   safe   rather   than   sorry.   

                  BABY   BLUE   EYES   WATCHED   HIM   LIKE   A   HAWK.   SHE   NEEDED   to   be   sure   he   was   fine   like   he   brushed   off   to   be.   No   matter   what   he   said,   a   doctor's   words   trumped   anything.   Health   and   safety   were   important,   and   the   Apollo   kids   won’t   hesitate   to   enforce   that   if   need   be.   However,   it   appeared   that   Leo   was   actually   fine.   Still   that   fall,   the   thud   as   his   body   hit   the   ground,   made   her   wary,   “   ‘Bill   Nye   wishes   he   had   this’?   ”   Kayle   let   out   another   laugh,   “   I’m   sure   you’re   right.   He   doesn’t   have   the   guts   to   stand   in   front   of   a   bronze   dragon.   ”   The   daughter   of   Apollo   made   herself   comfortable,   plopping   down   in   the   grass   next   to   him.   Kayla   once   again   brushed   green   tipped   orange   hair   back   behind   her   ear.   She   then   continued   to   place   her   earbuds   in   her   satchel   before   she   leaned   back   in   her   palms,   and   looked   over   at   him.      

               IF   HE   WON’T   TAKE   A   BREATHER   THEN   SHE   WILL   MAKE   him.   Kayla   was   much   better   about   it.   Will   would   be   a   stubborn   doctor,   but   she   would   be   the   relaxed   one.   This   also   helped   her   make   new   friends   too,   “   Hey,   I   won’t   say   nothin’,   but   somehow   he   always   finds   out   if   someone   hurt   themselves.   I   mean,   the   way   you   fell   down?   I’m   sure   he’s   going   to   be   hearing   about   it,   ”   she   shrugged   her   shoulders,   “   Just   know   it   wouldn’t   be   from   me.   ”   

                  A   SOFT   HUM   VIBRATED   BETWEEN   HER   LIPS,   A   GENTLE   MELODY   to   her   father   to   which   would   heal   anything   unseen   by   Leo’s   fall.   It   was   a   casual   approach   that   made   sure   her   patients   were   taken   care   of   in   a   way   they   didn’t   feel   suffocated   by   the   Apollo   treatment,   “   True.   I’m   sure   you   had   worse.   I   mean   just   in   general   compared   to   what   we   go   through   that   was   nothing,   but   sometimes   that   nothing   can   become   something.   It’s   better   to   be   a   little   on   the   safe   side,   Mister   ‘Bad   boy’.   ”   

She kept an eye on him. He was sorely tempted to give her a little fright just by faking a flinch as he shifted his position but had the decency to decide that was too mean. And when a real laugh pealed out of her, Leo was extra glad he hadn’t done anything to stop that. It was nice, he noted in passing, probably a touch more thrilled by landing a joke than he should’ve been. He was just as much more shocked by Kayla making herself cozy beside him than he should’ve been, too. Lots of surprises today: Leo ought to get blasted into the sky more often.

“Hey, the guy’s famous for a reason. I’ve been trying to kick him off his pedestal for ages,” he said, most likely leaning into that joke too much, now. Just Leo things. “You right, though. You right.” (Insert the sagely nods.) “Maybe Festus will be my Pikachu in the ultimate showdown; that sucker doesn’t lose anything.” But he shrugged, almost as if his body was telling him, Okay, broski. Time to move on, and cocked his head thoughtfully at Kayla’s promise.

—a promise that brought a wicked grin to his lips. “Noted. And just to return the favor, I’ll let him know you already checked me out,” Leo asserted, only to hastily correct himself with, “—over. Checked me over. He doesn’t need to know about anything else.” And as a dude who just loved playing with fire (sometimes literally), he made sure to include a quick wink in there. “Already taken care of, yeah? Maybe that’ll keep him from breaking out the big nag energy. The ol’ BNE.” No one said that, but he was going to make it a thing for sure, now.

If the way Kayla addressed him next was any indication, apparently Leo Valdez was successful at making things . . . Things (capitalized). She got a snicker out of him, and something about that sound actually helped him ignore that his ears felt a bit hotter than before. It was the mention of a secondary bad boy that finally brought his attention back to what he was actually doing before a girl started fussing over him. He glanced sidelong, snorted at the series of offended clicks the dragon let out.