It’s easy to label it as just a “Scouse not English” thing, but I think it’s become more than that.

Growing up in Liverpool, it’s hard to ignore the city’s history. Whether it’s the discussions around “managed decline” in the 1980s, the decades long fight for justice after Hillsborough, or the feeling that Liverpool has often been unfairly treated by governments and the media, those things inevitably become part of the city’s identity. At the same time, I was only born in 1999, so I sometimes question whether I can even blame the way I feel on any of that.

For me, it’s gotten to the point where I genuinely don’t know how I identify anymore. I’ll probably spend my entire life living in England and eventually die here, yet I don’t feel any real emotional connection to it. That feels strange to admit, because it’s the country I’ve lived in all my life.

When I look at my own life, it becomes even more confusing. I’ve visited more cities in Germany than I have in England during my 26 years of living here. Whenever an artist announces a tour, the first thing I do is look for a European date rather than an English one. Out of the 22 concerts I’ve been to, only four have been in England. I’ve always found myself wanting to experience places elsewhere rather than explore the country I was born in.

It’s not just travel either. I have no real attachment to the England football team, and I don’t find myself supporting someone simply because they’re English. Whether it’s Formula 1 or another sport, I’ll support whoever I like, regardless of where they’re from. Nationality has never been enough on its own to make me feel any connection.

I’ve found myself feeling more of a connection to certain cities and countries abroad than I ever have to England, but then I question that as well. I’ve only ever spent a week or so in most of those places. Is that enough to genuinely feel connected to somewhere, or am I just seeing them through the lens of being on holiday? Even if I wanted to move abroad, I don’t have an EU passport, so relocating to many of those places isn’t straightforward. And even if I could, who’s to say that after living there for ten or twenty years I’d feel any differently? Maybe the feeling would disappear once it stopped being somewhere I visited and became somewhere I simply lived.

Even my name adds another layer. My first name is Welsh because of my nan, but I can’t honestly say I feel any more Welsh than English because I’ve barely explored Wales. It wouldn’t feel right to claim a connection that I haven’t really experienced.

That’s why I feel stuck. The truth is, I do dislike England, and I often wish I’d been born somewhere else. The problem is, I don’t know where that somewhere else is. I don’t feel English, but I also don’t feel like I can genuinely claim to be anything else.