I’m going to try.

But as helpful as it was to break down his own feelings and rid himself of the burden that settled in his chest, it didn't change one thing they'd both have to live with — there is something deeply wrong with Cloud, and it might always be.

It didn't mean that he should be a dick about it. So he stopped being one.

It gave space for ambivalence to exist, as uncomfortable as it leaned towards being, no scathing words but no comfort to be offered in each other's presence. They didn't seek each other out, some words and actions unable to be taken back, but they didn't avoid each other entirely, either.

Oi, need to talk to you. Got a favor to ask. Call me back when you can. [ Read - 2 Days Ago ]

It would be hard to, considering they both lived in Edge and Kunsel wasn't a stranger to calling in his delivery services, but that didn't mean it made either of them easy to find when they wanted to talk either, Kunsel having to head out of Edge with only the vague notion of "he should be getting back soon" from Tifa answering the phone.

He finds Cloud in the outskirts as expected, handling the wildlife with the tender hand it deserves, and Kunsel drives up only as close as necessary, getting out of his pick up truck and waiting there, leaning back against the front as he watches Cloud go at it. He could help, but it wouldn't be an appreciated gesture - Cloud's got it, and getting involved would just trip him up unnecessarily.

If Cloud wanted this to end sooner, he could've. As it was, he's just having fun at this point.

… Kunsel could tell.

The hardest part of dropping his defenses and ignoring the uncanny sensation brought by Cloud's presence was having to consciously take note of each and every borrowed mannerism he saw and make the effort to see Cloud past it. He was doing neither of them to a favor by clinging to the past, and certain things he could see Cloud made his own and deserved to be accredited for…

But there's still these glimpses. An afterimage of an afterimage. Picking through them is like handling glass.

It's the straightening of his back as he faces a challenge. A cocky attitude that has been earned through skill. Attacks once learned in basic now mastered and made his own.

It's hard not to draw parallels, mind picking Cloud apart like it could peel away the layers that held him together: how much do you know, how much do you remember? But he doesn't ask - he doesn't want to. Not when it could mean tarnishing the memories he's buried in his heart, cast a shadow on who he knew Zack as — the one thing he could ever name his own in a world that took everything from him.

Because that's all he can do now — remember, reminisce. The last message. The last voice call. The last time they saw each other.

"Heard you're going an assignment with Sephiroth, just got mine too, headed to Fort Condor to inspect the reactor." Routine check-ups weren't too alien of a concept, but having so many SOLDIER sent out at once to inspect them all raised questions Kunsel didn't have answers to… yet. He'd mail his ideas to Zack later. "Guess we won't see each other for a while."

Zack sighs, shoulders dropping like the wind got taken out of his sails - though as much as Kunsel would like to pretend it's at the terrible loss of not seeing him on the daily… he can tell Zack just mixed up the hours and showed up too early.

"You still got time, né?" The way he says it heavily implies that he knows Zack does, which catches Zack's attention and has him straighten up. "We could head out, kill some time before we gotta go. Haha, maybe you can introduce me to Aerith?"

Zack perked up immediately, as it was something he kept meaning to do but their schedules weren't playing nice. Insisted Kunsel would love her, that it was totally different under the plate.

( What did he sound like? What did he say? )

The rush downstairs, the idle chatter on all the things they'd have to pause for their respective assignments - Kunsel had to leave just before the finale to one of his shows, Zack promised Aerith that he'd bring her to the top plate one of these days. A train ride listening to music on Kunsel's PHS, an earphone each, leaning into each other. Zack leading the way to the church, excited to show it off, to see if she'd be there to introduce Kunsel to.

And she was. While he wasn't as quick to throw out the world love, Kunsel did enjoy spending time with her and helping Zack put together the flower wagon, seeing the slightly odd but overall coy charm that had won Zack over on their first meeting. It was nice down there, simple… quiet. He could understand why Zack hid away in here so often, away from the pressure he had to face in HQ.

But time was passing, and Kunsel had to nudge Zack to get him to hurry up his goodbyes to Aerith least they miss their train — Kunsel almost felt bad for having to cut it short, but with the promise made that Zack would come back and see her once he got back they made their way back.

And then that was it. Headed back to HQ. No saying when they'd see each other next.

Kunsel's assignment wasn't too bad, Fort Condor nearby enough that he should be done in a week max — but Zack was headed off to Nibelheim, which not only was on another continent, it was one of the oldest reactor models still in use - it was hard not to think about what could go wrong.

Alone together in an elevator, Kunsel twirls his helmet on his hand, spinning it around idly as he stews in his thoughts - and Zack laughs, tells him he's gonna do fine.

"Me? I know I can handle it, it's you I'm worried about." Kunsel counters, stalling the movement so that he could hold the helmet under his arm and face Zack proper. Twenty four floors to go. Zack shakes his head, laughs and tries to get him to relax, reminds him it's just a routine inspection, and he's going with Sephiroth, they're all going to be fine.

But Kunsel huffs, and brings his free hand up to Zack's cheek, guides him to look at him and his petulant frown, pulls him closer. "I know, just - c'mere." Less of a request and more of a demand, but Kunsel gets what he asks for, and he takes the chance to bridge the space between them. Eleven floors. It's rushed, a kiss shared with the knowledge the elevator could stop at any floor, barely anything worth remembering, a fleeting show of affection, but it gets the sentiment across.

Two floors. Kunsel leans back and puts his helmet on, turning to face the elevator doors. "I want you back in one piece, that's all I'm saying. Just be careful out there for me, yeah?" It's their floor, and they're headed in different directions - so they linger just a bit longer in front of it, Zack smiling at him with a palpable fondness, squeezing every last second that they had together just how they've always done.

"Yeah, yeah, I got you. Don't worry so much, I'll be back in Midgar before you know it! Just wait for me."

Does Cloud remember Zack as Kunsel does? What he was like on the day to day? What he could have been? Does he miss him as Kunsel does?

His thoughts are dispersed by a sudden silence, and although there's a lingering, complicated expression on his face, he is semi-impressed with Cloud's work as he looks up, uncrossing his arms as he stops leaning on his truck.

Not half bad - you'd hope so, considering he supposedly saved the world. Not good enough, however, to forgive the personal slight against him of not texting back or calling in 48 hours. That feels like a reasonable expectation, no?