BackTwoMe

After I let go of my life crush. something made sense. I was always defining myself by either my ex-boyfriend or my life crush. Getting rid of both of those chains, literally feels like a break through. I am not going to lie about being with other couples and wishing I had someone at the end of the night to curl up to, but at the end of the day I am happy with who I am moving towards being. 

Why do I talk about working out? Part of gettingback two meincludes getting back into shape. I was an athlete my whole life and when I got to college, I stopped playing sports. Which means no more daily practices, lots of free time without changing my diet (and never ending soft serve in the cafeteria!) In such time I began unhappy with the way I looked putting on 30+ pounds. After graduating I became a life long member of Weight Watchers and occasionally scanned my gym membership. I tried those weight loss liquids, eating salads every day and I never saw a change in my weight.

Then I started taking Kickboxing classes and incorporating running and circuit training into my routine. Once I started that, I started making healthier choices. As you can see from my pizza photos, I still have a long way to go. My body is slowly getting back to its athletic form and some days it feels slower than normal. But, working out has given my confidence and freedom. I feel more in control of my life and feel like a brand new me each time I finish a workout. My pants fit better, my butt is perkier and damn.... I feel like I look good better.

I am sorry for complaining to you for the past week. I know that all people out there go through these ups and downs. It seems like I had a longer streak than most?

Thank you for listening to everything I had to say. Although I can't see you, I love that you let me bare my secrets to you. Thank you for being there, we'll letting me tell you my heartache, stress and happiness to you.

Love,

His anwser was not what I wanted to hear.

He may be right, but I am not sure I agree.

Whenever we are together I feel that life is perfect.

I often will look back on things we've done and laugh and smile to myself.

I'm not sad because of rejection, I'm sad because now I feel like I have no "back-up" man. You know how you have that promise with someone, "If we aren't married when we're 30, we'll marry each other." He was that person for me. 

I am happy about all the honest truths I put forward to him last night, but feel bad about them too.

I want to say I hopeful I will eventually find someone, but I just don't know.

I bought a sundae to supress my feelings. It sort of worked.

Its so weird to give up on feelings I have had since high school. 

Sometimes I feel honesty maybe isn't the best policy.