backseatheadrest

i want to be better. if not for me then for him. but sometimes i just can't. i hate that what i do hurts him. i want to hurt myself but i can't stand that it hurts him.

i knew that using cigs to keep myself from cutting would fuck me over. now i just want to cut and smoke. fuck my stupid easily addicted to shit chud life.

nothing ever fully gets rid of the urges. it has been close to three and a half years, and the only thing that even makes me feel a little better is cigs. i need another. will it make me stop missing the way the blood dripped out or the way that it ached after or the way the bandaids pulled on the fresh wounds? no, but nothing will. i don't think i will be clean forever but i have to try. i can't spiral. i can't go back, even if it already feels like i am already.

blowing smoke into his face and kissing him is my favorite hobby

lowkey does it ever get better cuz I feel like I will always end up back here

i need to go to another tfb show so bad. seeing twin size mattress live was lowkey a religious experience

i was given a body that was falling apart, my house is falling apart