more uncle kankuro because i love him
• kankuro becoming an uncle unlocked something deeply chaotic in him and society was not prepared
• he took one look at shikadai and shinki and went “ah yes. tiny criminals. my specialty”
• temari and “don’t teach them anything weird”
• kankuro, already handing them contraband snacks and a suspicious toolkit: “define weird?”
• gaara senses disturbances in the sand every time kankuro is within 50 feet of the children
• kankuro’s idea of bonding includes “how to get away with things you absolutely should not be doing”
• shikadai learns strategy. unfortunately it’s now “how to outsmart adults” instead of just shogi
• shinki starts off reluctant but five minutes later he’s like “uncle kankuro has a point”
• temari walks in on them mid-lesson titled: “if you get caught, you didn’t learn this from me”
• “rule number one: always have an alibi”
• shikadai: “rule number two?”
• kankuro: “have a backup alibi”
• gaara quietly watching this unfold like he’s witnessing the collapse of civilization
• kankuro teaching them harmless but very questionable skills like picking complicated locks “for educational purposes”
• temari: “why does my son know how to bypass a door???”
• kankuro: “what if the door is evil?”
• shikadai starts saying things like “hypothetically, if someone wanted to sneak out—”
• shinki uses iron sand to make tiny tools and kankuro is so proud he almost cries
• kankuro: “that’s my boy”
• gaara: “that is literally my boy”
• the boys now have a shared secret language of “uncle kankuro said it’s fine” which is the least trustworthy statement in existence
• temari and gaara try to ban kankuro from unsupervised visits. he shows up anyway with snacks and bad ideas
• shikamaru sees what’s happening and just goes “this is beyond troublesome. this is a whole legal case”
• they once tried to build a “harmless trap” that ended up launching kankuro into a wall
• kankuro, dusting himself off. “worth it. lesson learned: reinforce the base”
• temari is one incident away from personally burying kankuro in the desert
• gaara is calm. too calm. which is worse
• temari will kill him .. not just yet