allergic to life

Ahahahahahahahaha

I'm not criticising him, here. It's just funny how quickly we, as a fandom of a piece of media that's all about sides being stupid, like to jump to attack or defend things or people really easily. I don't care if you liked or hated the finale. That's no reason to jump at each other's, or other people's, throats. Can we have civilised discourse and fandom bickering please? I'm tired of "ugh you only hated it because they didn’t kiss you don’t get the show like I do" and "ugh you only liked because you don't understand the message it sends you don’t get the show like I do".

Because here's the thing: no matter how the ending would have gone, no matter how well or badly it may have been written - some people would have hated it, some people would have loved it. BOTH ARE VALID.

Correct use of a condom means

Using the right size, because if it's too big it can slide off or leak and if it's too small it can break or come off. Condoms usually come in 5 sizes, I'm sure you could find others outside of that as well but in ten years of sex work I found they covered everyone

Using lube, even if you think you don't need it. With the exception of oral sex, condoms should always be used with lube, 100% of the time. Most important lube should be applied to the outside but a drop in the tip of the condom before putting it in is also a good idea

Being mindful that latex is prone to wearing out, being damaged by heat etc. Condoms should be kept somewhere cool, not folded in wallets or sat on in back pockets and should be changed between activities and after about 15 minutes of any vigorous activity. Ask me how I know (a condom snapped on my leg when a client was pulling out, because I didn't change it when I should have)

The penetrative partner should hold the base of the condom when they pull out, and should do so immediately after they ejaculate so the condom doesn't leak or come off as the penis gets flaccid

Bonus: a lot of people think hand stuff can't transmit STIs. Wrong! If you give your partner a handjob and then touch yourself you can get HPV, herpes (low risk), and infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea

This isn't meant to be stressful, and the most common STIs are the most treatable - and often curable - but getting gonorrhea in your eyes after a facial still extremely sucks and yet no one talks about the fact that any mucous membrane can be effected, not just your genitals (yes this includes your mouth and throat)

Fiona is married so it's time to reunite with her parents. But instead of marrying a prince, she's married to an ogre. Not just that, but she's also an ogre. (Yes everyone knew she would sometimes be an ogre but that was when she was a child, she didn't know she would be an ogre for the rest of her life, and besides once she met the right prince she would stop being an ogre. She was supposed to stop being an ogre.)

But okay they're both ogres. We can still ask about when they'll have children because even if they're ogres they can still have kids, right? That's what married princes and princesses do so naturally that's what everyone does. Even if ogres might not be great parents (I've heard that ogres eat their young, is that something you people do?) it's still something that should be discussed.

And okay you can stay in Fiona's childhood bedroom filled with all the reminders that hey, everyone thought she was just a princess and princesses marry princes. Her toys left out from the last time she played with them. The prince slays the ogre. The princess offers a token of gratitude for slaying the ogre. Fiona wrote Mrs. Fiona Charming a million times in her diary because what else was she supposed to grow up to be?

And Harold you have to fix this, your country can't be ruled by ogres. You were unfit to rule when you were a frog but I changed you, I made you better, I made you a prince. You know how this works. Think of your daughter's safety.

“I though I wanted us to give magic to the world. Now all I want is my partner king back.”