How Azriel seems to avoid his bedroom and its meaning
Recently, after a reread of the BC, there was something I found really interesting, and that is the meaning of the bedroom regarding mated couples/couples in general and how much it seems to affect Azriel. As we know, Azriel doesn’t sleep much, as it is implied by the nights he spent at the training ring, as well as those same sleepless nights where he was in an unknown places.
This quote is interesting if we look at it through the idea of intimacy between a couple. The bedroom between couples is obviously a big feature of the intimacy within the relationship. It is mentioned that mated couples go into a “frenzy” and sometimes don’t leave their homes. We know that it is not only because of the male’s state of aggressiveness toward other males, but because of intimacy as well. And the bedroom obviously plays its part between mated couples. During the "frenzy" stage, it becomes a big part of the bond after it snaps and is accepted. It’s a whole different experience sharing such an intimate moment with your mate in the bedroom.
With this in mind, I found it interesting that Azriel, in this scene, first references Cassian and Nesta going upstairs (where the bedrooms are), and then refers to both his brothers and how envy would swallow him if he went up to his bedroom, where we know he would be all by himself. And while it could mean he simply doesn’t want to hear them (because, honestly, I get it lmao) it could also show us how Azriel is portraying that specific space, and how much he avoids it.
His relationship with this certain part of the house, and how it represents his struggle so well, is indeed interesting because it’s not about entitlement, but rather the feeling of wanting that, of craving love and the intimacy that the bedroom brings to a couple. While he may sometimes sleep in it, the first quote brings up the idea of the actual loneliness he feels. He wants what his brothers have, a companion who understands you better than anyone, someone you know as if they were a part of you, and with whom you can both tell what the other is thinking and feeling.
He says he doesn’t sleep much because of his thoughts and needs, which he shows us are related to Elain. And the fact that he refuses to go up to his bedroom just makes me think that he, too, associates the bedroom with the dynamic of a couple, especially because he is thinking about her while still being all by himself. It also can’t help but bring to mind the whole idea/quote of “three brothers and three sisters.”
While he has bedded other women, as mentioned, having the person is probably what is really important. It's not the idea of going to the bedroom and not having casual company or intimacy as it is, but the companionship he has portrayed us that he's missing. It’s not that his brothers have mates (they do, but that’s not the point), but that they have their person—the one who understands them, who they can talk to about anything and who will understand them. And I feel that Azriel craves that intimacy with someone, the feeling of having that person who seems to be the other half of you that you were always meant to meet, someone he can tell all his secrets, his past, everything.
And I find it really telling how Elain’s gift is in that part of the house that brings him so much trouble. He has placed a part of her in the room that represents the most intimacy and is the hardest place for him to be, because she’s not actually there.😭😭
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