Quiet Hypnotist

Anyone can withdraw consent at any time.

Anyone can withdraw consent at any time.

Anyone can withdraw consent at any time.

Anyone can withdraw consent at any time.

Anyone can withdraw consent at any time.

The band is at the base of the condom. It’s latex is made thicker here than the shaft and is, therefore, less elastic. The band keeps the condom secure so it does not come off mid-insertion and so penial fluids do not leak from the condom. To do this, the band has to keep a very tight grip on the base of the penis. This is the main complaint from people using condoms too small for them. The shaft’s plastic can stretch comfortably, but the band is not so lenient and uncomfortably or painfully squeezes the base of the penis.

Condoms in use experience a lot of friction. For a condom’s shaft or band to be stretched farther than it was intended weakens the latex. The band and shaft are then at risk of being broken from the friction. It fitting does not mean it is sustainable.

One of the many failures of sex ed in this country is the notion that there’s only two types of condom, “fits everyone except those elephant-trunk-cock freaks” and “for elephant-trunk-cock freaks or lying braggarts” (and yes, there’s implicit shame in the idea of people needing non-”regular”-sized condoms and the genesis for such is pretty likely rooted in some really nasty viewpoints about certain groups of people but I’m digressing).

But penises come in a LOT of dimensions, and not all of them fit right in a “normal” condom. You don’t need to have a monster down there for a condom to be legitimately painful and/or break mid-act. This can leave a lot of people legitimately unawares that it doesn’t have to be like this. (I was, early on.)

Condom too tight? That’s a real problem for the reasons pointed out above. But it’s a solvable one at most drug stores, which generally have a broader (ha ha) selection than your Walmarts or Targets. Or suck it up (ha ha) and go to an “adult boutique” (a proper one) where they’re likely to have even more options and let’s be real here the people working at these aren’t gonna give you Looks over condom selection. Or shop at said boutiques online if you REALLY need to avoid the in-person thing.

And if you think you’re gonna be doing things requiring condoms, HAVE YOUR OWN. Yes, even if you personally don’t have a penis. Buy a box of large-size as well just in case.

https://www.verywellhealth.com/condom-size-chart-906776

Adding lubricant inside increases pleasure and safety, it will blow your mind. Please do it.

Also! Most people suffer from a very low grade allergy to latex and one of the coolest things on this earth is polyisoprene condoms. They’re 100% less smelly, just as safe, and feel way better. Our preferred brand was Skyn but there’s other brands worth trying.

The thing that makes "safe and appropriate" so bad is that it basically tells the hypnotee that their safety is their own responsibility and works on the same logic as "no one can do anything in hypnosis that they didn't want to do"

The thing is? People can be coerced and tempted to stretch their limits and when someone is in a suggestible state they cannot be trusted to have unguided discretion on what is or isn't safe, especially when their perspective is in an altered state.

The correct way, from our experience, is to encourage subject agency not by saying "you can and will keep yourself safe" (itself a little better than the "safe and appropriate" language) but by informing them that no matter how far we go into scene, you'll remain aware enough to keep yourself safe.

Lotte's post is right when it says that a hypnotist should not treat agency and safety as gifts to be given. Subject agency is a hypnotee's responsibility and it's important to emphasize.

One of the things that we always brush into in our teaching is that we are HUGE advocates for "keep reality in the room" - people we trust, like and have played with in the past have criticized us, noting that our dissociative disorder skews our ability to be objective in this regard. So with the note that I do have a bias-- I want to reiterate.

Keep reality in the scene.

Trust on both sides of the watch relies on both people engaged in the play being able to safe word AT ANY TIME and that means that a hypnotee needs to specifically be told and taught to break scene and self-advocate at the first sign of discomfort. That alone causes some people to dry up because they want their brainwashing fantasies to be completely mindless... and I do think that CNC and edge play scenes can be aspired to but they should 1000% be after a rapport and routine has been built up enough that the hypnotee will know their limits and be able to break scene without thinking about it.

But like any conditioning that has to be trained. You can't just "safe and appropriate" your way into someone automatically breaking out of a deeply involved scene.

What one of our partners does with me is remind that I am a good girl when I take care of myself and that a good girl listens to their body when it tells them things, it informs their partner when their mind is wandering, it knows how to wake up when something distracts its attention and knows not to compromise its own safety by being altered in situations where full attention is required.

And that requires a level of training too. "You'll only go into trance when it is safe and appropriate" does not have the same guidance that "and if you're in a situation that requires your full attention, such as needing to drive or someone else outside of this scene needing your attention, you can just take a breath and draw yourself up, remembering to be alert and conscious before engaging in any tasks" like that's MINIMAL but it gives instructions that are not "don't do the thing"

Especially as hypnosis does not work with negative instructions.

"Don't think about a pink elephant" being the best example.

You need positive and directed instruction. You need to build a framework of self-advocacy and safety before you start taking that away and you need both sides of the watch to be on constant vigilance until that awareness is second nature.

...We take (and teach) well-meaning axioms at their word in the hypnosis community. But really, to become more advanced, we should learn how to explore the boundaries of the "rules" we take for granted.

Includes many concrete examples of breaking rules :)

character: NO

Smiling

Smiling while your brain is totally empty is the best thing. Just mindless, happy, empty. I love the look on a girl's face when her eyes are completely glazed and she's smiling and maybe drooling a lil bit.

Fuck

A friend of a friend won a free consultation with Clinton Kelly of What Not To Wear, and she was very excited, because she has a plus-size body, and wanted some tips on how to make the most of her wardrobe in a fashion culture which deliberately puts her body at a disadvantage.

Her first question for him was this: how do celebrities make a plain white t-shirt and a pair of weekend jeans look chic?  She always assumed it was because so many celebrities have, by nature or by design, very slender frames, and because they can afford very expensive clothing.  But when she watched What Not To Wear, she noticed that women of all sizes ended up in cute clothes that really fit their bodies and looked great.  She had tried to apply some guidelines from the show into her own wardrobe, but with only mixed success.  So - what gives?

His answer was that everything you will ever see on a celebrity’s body, including their outfits when they’re out and about and they just get caught by a paparazzo, has been tailored, and the same goes for everything on What Not To Wear.  Jeans, blazers, dresses - everything right down to plain t-shirts and camisoles.  He pointed out that historically, up until the last few generations, the vast majority of people either made their own clothing or had their clothing made by tailors and seamstresses.  You had your clothing made to accommodate the measurements of your individual body, and then you moved the fuck on.  Nothing on the show or in People magazine is off the rack and unaltered.  He said that what they do is ignore the actual size numbers on the tags, find something that fits an individual’s widest place, and then have it completely altered to fit.  That’s how celebrities have jeans that magically fit them all over, and the rest of us chumps can’t ever find a pair that doesn’t gape here or ride up or slouch down or have about four yards of extra fabric here and there.

I knew that having dresses and blazers altered was probably something they were doing, but to me, having alterations done generally means having my jeans hemmed and then simply living with the fact that I will always be adjusting my clothing while I’m wearing it because I have curves from here to ya-ya, some things don’t fit right, and the world is just unfair that way.  I didn’t think that having everything tailored was something that people did. 

It’s so obvious, I can’t believe I didn’t know this.  But no one ever told me.  I was told about bikini season and dieting and targeting your “problem areas” and avoiding horizontal stripes.  No one told me that Jennifer Aniston is out there wearing a bigger size of Ralph Lauren t-shirt and having it altered to fit her.

I sat there after I was told this story, and I really thought about how hard I have worked not to care about the number or the letter on the tag of my clothes, how hard I have tried to just love my body the way it is, and where I’ve succeeded and failed.  I thought about all the times I’ve stood in a fitting room and stared up at the lights and bit my lip so hard it bled, just to keep myself from crying about how nothing fits the way it’s supposed to.  No one told me that it wasn’t supposed to.  I guess I just didn’t know.  I was too busy thinking that I was the one that didn’t fit.

I thought about that, and about all the other girls and women out there whose proportions are “wrong,” who can’t find a good pair of work trousers, who can’t fill a sweater, who feel excluded and freakish and sad and frustrated because they have to go up a size, when really the size doesn’t mean anything and it never, ever did, and this is just another bullshit thing thrown in your path to make you feel shitty about yourself.

I thought about all of that, and then I thought that in elementary school, there should be a class for girls where they sit you down and tell you this stuff before you waste years of your life feeling like someone put you together wrong.