azagus art

there’s a bad moon on the rise.

bowling alley carpet vibes.

Reflection & Art:

i fucking hate online school. as a visual and hands on learner and an art student, this is my worst nightmare. i don’t have the resources i did with in person learning, and i’m paying all the same money for it. don’t expect me to go out of my comfort zone when the only tools i have available to me are the ones i’m comfortable with!

and my brain can’t discern that i’m still technically in school, and has switched into vacation mode where my ambitions and motivation get lost in favour of sleeping more or going outside. and there’s a fucking pandemic but i’m supposed to carry on like normal, when my future is uncertain and the future of my education is entirely unknown. what the fuck!!!

It’s become near impossible for me to find motivation or creativity with the current state of the world. i thought things would be ok, but as more cases were reported, the worse things became for me.

the life i loved was uprooted when i returned home, and now my mental health is struggling, seeing nothing but death and despair in the world outside. there is a looming sense of hopelessness that i cannot shrug off.

as i’m compiling my portfolio at 3am, i’m realising that ill either stick with what’s comfortable for me, or go out on a limb to do something bold but never finish it. i had so many visions for pieces and yet i’d lose my motivation and inspiration the longer they took to complete and then we’re subsequently abandoned in favour of quicker, more comfortable drawings.