hello

“i’m sad i wasn’t born in the era of -” bitch do it! if you like love letters, write them! if you like poodle skirts, wear them! society is imploding as we watch on in abject horror! do whatever you want!

Eh. The outfits horse people show up in normally can look pretty stupid. I’m not sure the horses notice until they’re under a side saddle.

Chefs that cook in front of you at a restaurant are the lap dancers of the fine dining industry

It’s true but you shouldn’t say it.

That take is so hot it’s like it came off a hibachi grill

I guess “sandwich artist” had a hidden meaning all along

Idk which plague doctor needs to hear this but no matter what anyone says, your knowledge of herbs is immense and your beak is huge

i need a hello kitty bandaid on my heart

sir you dont understand. if i dont take off my pants & put on an incredibly large sweater when i get home i’ll die