✧ — ░ I'M A GONER.

“Dude, it’s not a competition, but if it were, I’d totally make her forget about you in one night.”

“Wait – is she hot, though? Like, don’t bother giving her my number if she’s not hot. Dude, we should try to go get pharmaceuticals from those scary, hot stoner chicks in my Geology class and just get fucking out of our minds.”

“Listen, I’m not trying to be rude, but shut the fuck up. This is going to turn into the kissing contest 2.0, except we’re going to be arguing over who’s a better fuck -- so, unless you want to fuck me, I’d be quiet.”

“Eh. They’re not so bad. You got your eye on any of em?”

“Me? Nah, not really. I mean, they’re all pretty great, don’t get me wrong -- but, I’ve sorta’ got my eye on someone else.”

“I need everyone else to be as fucked up as me by this discovery, it’s just the only way that things could work.”

“I demand a divorce.”

“’Course, man. You say things like it’s a bad thing, I’m not sitting there jerking off during family game night or anything. She seriously spilled coffee on you and gave you her number? Damn, that’s some desperate shit right there. Oh, please, my ego doesn’t need anymore boosting. A thing for people in your clothes? I wouldn’t mind just wearing your sweaters and shit all the time.”

“No -- no, I didn’t mean for it to come out like I think it’s a bad thing. You do you, man. She did, yeah -- ruined my shirt, burned me, and then grabbed hand and wrote her number and name down. I figured she had gone through enough embarrassment, though, so I just let her live. Maybe it doesn’t, but that’s not what my intentions were in saying that -- it’s just the truth, honest. And if the truth happens to boost your ego, so be it. Yeah, is that weird, too? I’m kidding, but really -- I dunno’. I just might be into sharing, y’know, so go for the sweaters. I’m all for it.”

“Deal. I am sure you will be okay. You have a beautiful face, I bet camera will love you. I’ve met more awkwarder people, trust me you are fine. Just be normal self, be you. I’d like to do something realistic and natural. That’s why I want to cast normal people, not actors. I know, that’s why I like you so much.”

“Okay, okay -- you called me beautiful, so I’m in despite any awkwardness that may come bubbling up out of me once I step foot in front of the camera. That was all I needed. You’ve got yourself a deal, Laura. I like you, too, but I’m sure you knew that.”

“Oh, God no, I didn’t miss everyone. I’m very selective with my affections and missing people is one of those.” He chuckled. “I know what you meant. It’s fine. I’m not offended. I’m pretty open about most of my feelings but the friendship thing, I get it. I just got tired of being the little kid on the playground pretending everyone’s his friend ‘cause he hasn’t got any. —— no. I’m not the Ann Perkins to your Leslie Knope, I’m sorry. I don’t even do birthday presents most of the time. Grant came up with yours, remember?”

"Yeah, yeah -- I know. Which is why I was surprised I was missed by you, I guess,” He grinned, his voice featuring the slightest bit of a teasing tone. “That’s quite understandable, y’know. I think that’s partially the reason I feel lucky to call you my friend -- not just another one of the my ‘frat brothers.’ Like, I dunno’ -- we have, like, a legit friendship, don’t we? Not just a default one that came with joining the fraternity, you know? But you could make the perfect Ann to my Leslie, Auggie. Your name starts with an ‘A’ and everything! Can you at least be the Ron Swanson to my Leslie? Or April? Like, I praise you and everything you do and get you gifts, while you awkwardly accept them, yet secretly love how caring I am? I think that’s more us, maybe. Maybe Grant is my Ann -- that’s the best present I’ve ever been given. Verbally, at least, since it hasn’t actually happened yet.”

“At least let me buy you a dinner. You can’t be bad at it, you will just stand there and watch actors. It’s pretty simple. Aww thank you Aydan. I owe you.“

“Okay, I can allow dinner. Have you met me, though? I can be the most awkward person. Just let me know if I’m doing that, okay? Don’t let my awkwardness seep through. You’re welcome, though -- you owe me nothing. Really, I like helping people.”

“I completely agree. See? People actually can find the silver lining all the time, they just don’t bother. No, no you didn’t sound like it, besides i think there’s nothing wrong sound like one. I mean look at the children they are much wiser and happier than us. Oh please, it’s hardly the truth. Now I am pretty sure my cheeks are redder than ever. And I blame you Mr. Evans.”

“You’re right, but we really should. I feel like everyone would be much happier that way. You’ve got a point, though -- they really are wiser and happier. But it is the truth! Don’t deny my compliments, just take them. I’ll take that blame with pride.”

“This is gonna sound really assholey but I really didn’t know who I’d miss. I mean, except for Grant, obviously. And I think I knew I’d miss Rory, because she’s my person, like, in a strictly platonic no-face-sitting sense. But I really wasn’t sure. But I did miss you. —— oh, well, that’s… reasonable. I’m still figuring out how to have friends in general, so. Threesomes are easy. Friends are not.”

“Nah, man, that doesn’t sound assholey at all. Not to me, at least. There’s not really a way to know who you’re gonna’ miss when you leave somewhere, is there? Except the obvious ones. Like, I knew I’d miss a few people, but I didn’t realize I’d miss, like, everyone. I missed some more than others, I’ll admit, but still. I mean, I didn’t mean it in a bad way? It’s just, like -- you’re hard to read, I guess? Sebastian’s the same way for me. I think we’ve been off to a pretty good start, though. Before you know it, we’ll be exchanging monthly friendship-versary gifts.”

“Okay I have a serious question, can you please do me a favor? I need someone for my next short movie – You don’t have to do anything much, you just have to stand, that’s all. I had someone cast, but he decided to have a test all of a sudden. Ass. So what do you say? I’ll owe you a huge one. I can even pay you.“

“Keep your money, babe. Just promise you’ll fire me if I’m too bad at it, yeah? I prefer being behind the camera, but I’ll make an exception for you.”

“I’m not your type,” she said simply, hoping that would make them leave her alone. “Trust me.”

“You must not know me -- everyone’s my type, sweetheart.”

“Girls are fucking strange.”

“And now we’ve got a house full of ‘em. It’s a blessing and a curse. A nightmare dressed like a daydream.”

“Ah you are so sweet Aydan. I am not gonna lie, it takes a lot of work and practice. You can do it, everybody can do it. I don’t mind having bad days to be honest, this is life, we have bad days and good days, circle of life. I don’t fight it, If I have a bad day I usually do my favorite activities or stay at my room and tell myself, okay Mindy today is shitty but that’s okay because tomorrow you will feel better. Thank you for your words, you are making me blush.”

“I dunno’ -- now that I’m really thinking about it, bad days are kinda’ what makes the good days so great, right? Like, without the bad days, we wouldn’t appreciate the good days. I sound like an animated children’s film now, my apologies, but you get what I mean. You’re welcome, though, it’s no big deal -- just the truth. Plus, blushing is cute.”