Through the Looking Glass
Through the Looking Glass
 The smell of death clawed its way into the room. It was the first scent to penetrate my nose and send my mind reeling. My eyes darted around the empty room looking for the source of the wretched smell. The carpet was dark from stains and dirt, just like the mattress I found myself sitting on. I didn’t know whose mattress it was. I didn’t know who I was!
 My eyes kept searching for something – a body, a license, anything that could bring light to this situation. Aside from the dirty mattress on the floor there was a mirror and a door. I leapt to my feet and ran to the other side of the room trying the handle to no avail.
“No surprise. It happens every time. You’re pathetic.” A woman’s voice, familiar yet muffled, said through the door.
“Who are you? Where am I? Can you please let me out?” I replied with a quivering, high-pitched voice. “
Who am I?” The woman giggled, “Who, exactly, are you?” Her laugh faded and at that moment I knew I was being left there to die.
 “Don’t leave me here! I don’t want to die!” I was screaming now, pounding on the door. I kept going until I ran out of energy and curled up into a ball, sobbing, on the dirt that was the floor. Once I gathered myself emotionally I tried to delve into the dark abyss that was now my mind to find any information I could use to find out who I was and why I was there. Nothing. There were no family, friends, or lovers that I could exhume from the darkness. Frustrated, I got to my feet and paced. It wasn’t until I reached the mirror that I realized I was not in an ordinary room.
The mirror had a golden frame, the cleanest object in the room. I thought that seeing my face would jog my memory, but I only saw a woman with black hair and the palest skin sat next to a toddler sharing the same features – her daughter. They looked weirdly familiar. The mother was soothing her daughter, who was crying. “It’s okay, honey,” she said with such a soft voice it even brought me some relief. “You’re probably just tired.” The child looked up with her piercing blue eyes and nodded slowly. Her mother cracked a smile and carried her out of view.
 I had no idea why this was being shown to me, and it made me uneasy.
“Baby, I’m home.” I heard a man call from the mirror placing what sounded like keys onto the table. Keys, I thought, if only I had one for this door.
“Linda?” A tall man with bronze skin, black hair, and a business suit walked into the living room. He relaxed on the couch until Linda ran in and hugged him.
“I just put Cindy to bed. She really misses you, Benjamin. She wishes you were home more.” Linda’s voice was just as soft as it was when she was speaking to Cindy.
Benjamin scoffed, “If I didn’t work we wouldn’t have this house.” He rose to his feet and left the room saying “I’m taking a shower. I prefer we abstain from talking about this again.”
Linda just sat on the couch silent staring at a cellphone that was sitting on the beautifully decorated table in front of her. As the shower started from another room her hand reached for her phone. She carefully lifted it, grasping it tightly as if the secrets of every intimate conversation, wish, and doubt she ever had might fall out and be known to the world. With each dial she hesitated looking as if she might change her mind at any minute. She placed the phone to her ear and closed her eyes as if she were praying, when a man on the phone answered with a gruff, “Hey, darlin’.”Â
“I need to see you tonight,” she said with a sharp whisper.
“So, he’s not giving you what you need, eh?” the laugh that followed was more of a cackle. “It’ll be at the usual hotel at the usual time.” The tone of her voice held some slight excitement and her blue eyes held a glow that I did not see earlier. “Of course,” he said “but you need to wear that dress I like.” The gruff voice was loud enough for anyone in the room to hear their dirty secrets. “I will” she spit out quickly and, as the shower ceased, she ended the call cutting the gruff man’s cackle short.
“Come to bed, honey” Benjamin’s voice beckoned from the other room. With a sigh that had more weight than any word, she exited the living room.
I tore myself away from the mirror. I wondered how watching this woman have an affair on her husband would have anything to do with me. “This all must be a figment of my imagination – I must be going insane,” I said while rubbing my temples and leaning against the door.
 “Or maybe you’re just a figment of my imagination here to torment me day after day.” The woman’s muffled voice said. Before I could ask any questions or find any answers, she started to hum a hauntingly beautiful tune that began to fade away. I walked back over to the disgusting mattress, where this all began, and laid down. I had yet to become accustomed to the rotting odor that filled the room, but the heaviness in my eyes took over and I fell into darkness. I did not dream.
Upon waking up I pushed the black hair out of my face to discover words written on the ceiling. “If we only took a chance to look, really look, into the mirror we would see the monsters hidden beneath the beautiful shells,” I read aloud.
“I don’t know why you take the time to read it. You never understand it until the end” the muffled voice said from across the room behind the door.
“Why are you doing this to me? Who am I?” The questions came whirling out of me with no response – not that I genuinely expected one. So, I made my way to the mirror and gazed searching for anything else I could find. Again, the living room came into view.
“I’ve known for a while now. Shortly after Cindy was born she starting acting differently” I heard Benjamin’s voice say.
“And you haven’t said a word? How can you live knowing she has been sleeping with another man?” the other’s man voice was genuinely concerned.
“I’m just waiting until Cindy is a little older.” Benjamin said his voice cracking and quivering.
“It’ll all work out, Benjamin. Don’t you worry” the concerned voice sounded almost as comforting as Linda’s. “
I hope so” Benjamin said between sobs “I sincerely hope so.”
Again I tore my eyes away from the mirror. The more I knew about this family and its dysfunction the more confused I felt about why I am watching them and who this woman is outside of the door. I could have never neglected my child for work like Benjamin, or cheated on my husband like Linda. I turned my attention back to the looking glass to see what else it had to offer.
“I had hopes and dreams” Linda was laying on the couch with her phone in her hand her face wincing as if she were pained to say it. “I never saw myself getting stuck with a kid and getting married to the blandest man.” Her eyes were glazed over as if she was having visions of her possible future. “One day I might just pack up my things and runaway with Jimmy. He doesn’t want to settle down – just explore the world and…” Her voice drifted off along with her fantasies.
The next day I was alarmed because I hadn’t heard from the muffled woman, nor did I see Linda, Benjamin, or Cindy in the looking glass, just the empty living room. I had almost given up hope when I heard the door crash open and saw Linda run in with her daughter clinging onto her. A burly man was walking in behind them. He was wearing a stained white T-shirt and blue jeans with a huge belt and belt-buckle. His baseball cap was blue with dirt around the rim. I was worried that Linda and Cindy were in trouble until I heard Linda giggling while rustling in one of the other rooms.
“Hurry up” the burly man called to Linda.
“I’m hurrying, Jimmy, just give me a minute” she replied. Linda came back into the living room with a huge purple suitcase and her daughter holding her hand. “Ditch the kid” Jimmy said yanking Linda’s bag.
My heart dropped. Surely she wasn’t going to leave her child and her husband for this man.
Linda turned to Cindy and bent down on one knee “You just wait here and be a good little girl until daddy gets back, okay? I’ll be home later” Cindy nodded. “I just need to grab another bag from the basement” She said to Jimmy and was down and up the stairs in the same amount of time it took to say goodbye to her only daughter. Jimmy was already heading to out of the living room with Linda trailing behind, leaving the basement door open.
 I could hear a car speed off while Cindy sat, quiet. I watched for hours as she got up and wandered around the house – mostly out of the view of the mirror. She was obviously a very adventurous girl because she started to walk towards the basement door – her long black hair bouncing behind her. She stared into the darkness flinging her arm in and out as if a monster might pull her in. She began to reach her foot down to touch the first step and fell stumbling down the stairs.
My heart dropped as I ripped my gaze from the mirror and slammed my body repeatedly against the door. “There is a little girl out there in trouble” I screamed. “I don’t care if I die in here just help her!”
The muffled voice finally returned saying “Do you truly think you’re ready to see what is beyond this door?”
My hand gripped the doorknob as I screamed “Yes!” Surprisingly I heard the door unlock and I threw it open. I was about to start running when I saw a figure at my feet.
 It was Cindy. Her body was mangled and her eyes – filled with so much innocence and curiosity - were now looking up at me absent. I cradled her as best as I could and sobbed.
 No child should be left like this – lifeless at the bottom of the stairs. My own worries – about my identity, where I was, and why I was freed vanished. I just wanted to save this child.
“This is always the hardest part.” The voice that I had been hearing all this time said at the top of the steps. It was at that moment I realized that the person’s voice was Linda’s. Her face was hidden because she was wearing a large black robe with a hood covering her entire face. She started to walk away but I ran up the stairs and grabbed her by the arm.
“You monster!” I screamed and turned her to face me only to see that it wasn’t a face underneath her hood, but a mirror. Looking at it directly I did not see the living room I now found myself standing in, but it was my face. I dropped to my knees the truth weighing more than I could hold. This entity was not Linda. I was Linda.
Over my sobs I heard a call go to voicemail in the living room. “Hello, this is Dr. Morris calling about a patient we have in our care, a Linda Doe. She has sustained massive injuries and this number was listed under her emergency contacts. Please call back immediately. Thank you.”
“This happens to you every day, Linda. You are trapped in that room and then suddenly realize that you were the cause of your daughter’s death.” The hooded figure grabbed me. “Don not think this is your mind’s way of coping. You are, in fact, dead. And this, my dear, is purgatory.”
I broke free from here grasp, got to my feet, and ran toward the front door – I could see it now – as all of my memories came flooding back to me. The last thing the thing in the black robe said to me was “Mirrors show us the very thing we are afraid of – the monster beneath us all.”
Opening the door I was surrounded by blinding light. “This is it” I thought, “I am free.”
 The smell of death clawed its way into the room. It was the first scent to penetrate my nose and send my mind reeling. My eyes darted around the empty room looking for the source of the wretched smell. I had no idea where I was.
