작가

you say i am made to be loved, but everything that loves me eventually leaves me. in a different life i'd be your one and only and i'd take your sweaty palms and hold on twice as tight to lead you into the bright future that i see for you in my dreams.

i'd build us a boat with my hands and make sure it was sturdy enough and equipped with the necessary items to carry us across the ocean.

i'd take you to the inside of a pyramid in Egypt and whisper to you that this is the place i wanted to see most in the world, and there is no one else i'd rather have seen it with.

i'd take you to see the lights of paris at night from atop the Eiffel tower and offer you a rose. i'd tell you that even as beautiful as its petals seem, it still looks ugly in your hands compared to the beauty i see inside you.

I honestly do love the way you word things. For something so sad and melancholy it still flows like a river, and even if that river is made of blood --I still drink it all with my heart and let it feed me. I get so full from it that it starts to even seep from my eyes and down my face. It's tragic but beautiful really. 

How I waste my life away staring at the words that I read aloud, envisioning myself being wrapped up into that world of fine titles and elegant love stories; my prince charming always there to come save me --

Or how I’ve become a lost cause for hope, doomed to fail at love no matter how hard I try, no matter how much of myself I give to someone. 

Day after day I wonder about my life, and how much it could have been different if I was born in ancient times or far off into the future, perhaps even another planet -- do aliens exist? I want to believe it, because otherwise I have nothing else exciting to live for. 

I almost broke my own heart today; something so small as to call someone by a name they don’t identify with. No amount of I’m sorry can make me forget what I did, but I’m sorry. I know the pain and suffering associated with it, because I don’t even feel like myself either. 

黄金帝国;

you say gold plated armor means royalty. but i know it's the deep purple veins running through your heart that makes you a king. gold flecks in your eyes sparkle from the glistening sun -- your bronze skin reminds me of younger days -- when you & i felt beautiful together.

no amount of gold can compare to the weight & worth of your heart.

gold means you're swimming in riches, a comfort to your starving ribs. your teeth are diamonds freshly cut, a bouquet of marigolds that never wilt in your presence. you say your hands will build kingdoms for your children's children & i see the power of love pulsing in your fingers. nothing can stop your busy heartbeat.

you say that gold is both a blessing and a curse.

you say god will fear you in your wake. that your ironclad lips will shatter His dream of ruination, that you will rise a phoenix & stand taller than mountains -- you will not be moved.

you sit on thrones & wear crowns of gold; drinking the ale of gods.

your roots never grow, only the tendons in your arms as you carry the horizon on your shoulders. you’re bound to greatness above all else, you say that this isn’t how it ends, this is only the beginning.

indeed you now shine as bright as the sun, but you are also now blinded by your own reflection. 

& the mirror never shows your colors, only a shy navy blue, the shade of your eyes as they stare back at the darkness you’ve left this world in. you say every ounce of light belongs to you & if the sun splits in half, it’s yours for the taking.

one can no longer tell whether the cards you’ve been dealt had read wealth or greed. 

i know you are not someone i used to love. your arms are no longer towers, but crumbling statues in the mausoleum where i buried you three years ago. this golden city you built between us is on fire & i can no longer smother the lingering smoke.

& even now as we’re surrounded by the ruins, you’re vivid amongst the flames that are blazing around us. It makes your skin shimmer and radiate warmth; but I know that as soon as I touch your sunkissed frame I’ll only get burned.

because even now your malignant aura is contaminated by a gilded poison

i feel trapped in my own skin; burdened by the weight of gravity

& i want to soar through an ocean of stars and

dive into the galaxies of the universe

 & i keep opening my eyes to find that everything -- even you, my anchor -- feels so foreign.

i don't recognize the blood in my veins;

this earthy smell on my fingers doesn't remind me of home

& i'm scared i won't know the way back.

 the water here that i taste has the flavour of nothing

& I cannot see the very air I breathe; this life they call reality...

it is based on something i can't believe in

 my skin is torn & we've been out of bandages since day three.

i'm lost in my own head. my footsteps don't match yours

& the sun & the snow are pitch black.

mother nature is silent for once & you keep telling me

these are the end times, can't you see it?

but my heart isn't ready to accept the wanderings of my eyes,

how they see nothing but the void.

 yet still hope may remain for us, like finding gold deep beneath dirt and rock;

our hearts are found beneath skin and bone -- though we can't see them right now

i know you still feel it beating

& that gentle caressing throb is what makes us feel alive.

 & maybe home isn't here in this house

or in between the floorboards where we sometimes hide to forget we exist.

perhaps it's in the rings of saturn or the moons of jupiter.

& maybe one day, i'll feel as bright as the milky way,

covered in stardust & diamonds from my mother's wedding ring.

 & maybe then; we won’t have to live in fear

fear of hiding who we truly are; in a body that isn’t ours

was so grateful for the time who would have known though i was just a broken watch, slapped against your wrist only a cheap accessory, easily thrown away from no more use.

& who knew that time was a waste when i saw the sky fade away from us, so i hollowed out my bones & waited out the wind that took control of your voice.

seasons came and went, but not I & the hurt is bad, but I can't sleep or else I'd have to admit defeat. so I don't close my eyes at night because it's only dreams of you 

& i can't shake this feeling you're sitting in my closet with your whitened teeth, breathing a lullabied hymn to settle my racing heart -- how it beats to the rhythm of rain pelting glass windows.

someday I know I'll find you though I know just where you are reigning in beauty and flowers & following behind is your crimes ones that I know will be the death of me

 Crystal shards trickling down porcelain cheeks, expressionless lips drink in every drop.

A heart battered and bruised and hurt, still holding it all together and full of love.

I’ll hold it all together because I keep my faith in you.

Through every heartbreak you’ll always be here, picking up the pieces I leave behind.

Each time rearranging them in a different way so I’m not the same person.

I’ve grown from this, and even though I’m hurting you make me happy.

I see my life through your eyes and I can smile.

We’ll soar the skies together someday, and appreciate all the beauty this world offers.

We’ll sail the seas together someday, with nothing but the wind to our backs.

We’ll climb mountains someday, and build a house to live in.

Someday, we can say we made it. I love you so much for being by my side forever and always.  

Treading through an ocean of dry leaves;

They break under my feet like fragile glass.

This is like walking across my own heart.

There is no reason for me to continue forward

There is no reason if I can't have you with me

I also cannot wait for you; the reclusiveness has dug into my bones.

Our path was only halfway finished, what am I to do?

I look out across the milky way; through the fluctuating silhouettes of faint clouds.

A sad message plays out across my eyes as I begin to see shooting stars.

Their silent journey along the night sky amidst this golden autumn wind.

I have always known that I would at last see the lotus die in my garden; However I didn’t know yesterday that it would be today. 

The wind is restless, bringing its cold harshness and sweeping the petals away;

They were like my tears that had fallen; now blowing in the wind. 

My soul however bright I thought it was; now darkens. The beauty I once saw here is now replaced with death.

While I’m lonely;

My eyes stare forever into the horizon.

The sunset is the sand in an hourglass; falling.

The light; my love for you fading.

The waves of the sea; symphonies of heartache.

This kind of feeling was as everlasting as it was unforgiving.

Some days my heart wishes it had never met you;

For then I wouldn’t have known this kind of pain.

Time to let the night come; cause tomorrow will be the day.