Aurora's Waiting Room

I had ended dating this guy, I thought he would be a good guy to date. He bought me flowers, picked me up, planned the events, payed for everything, got me gifts. I felt so much affection towards him, but at the end of the night when he dropped me off, I realized I couldnt kiss him. It's not like he wasnt attractive, I just realized I could never actually be with him. Despite how much I liked him, enjoyed his company, and really appreciated everything we did, it felt like a lie to be something more with him.

I thought about it for a while. I felt really bad that I couldnt commit to him the same way I had so easily done with women who had not treated me with the same respect. But then I realized it wasnt anything I could fix. I just could not love him any other way besides platonically.

It really helped me break down my own thoughts and digest the differences between romantic and platonic love. After that, I told him how I was feeling, we chose to stay friends, and I never thought "man I fumbled" just "im glad we're friends".

I'm so attracted to passionate women. It can be women i dont even AGREE with all of the time. And still im like "man you're so pretty when you get expressive".

(If you disagree thats fine but no one can change my mind on this)

"Book hot takes" but its me saying im sick of all the recs i get for "good sapphic fantasies" being ones where a woman is leaving her husband/ boyfriend for another woman.

In a sense, I get it. Thats just the medium you're using to depict their love. Comphet is a real thing, some girls are bi, etc. It doesnt mean I have to enjoy it. It feels like half the recommendations I get for sapphic fantasies start with this trope.

"You should read [insert popular title]" so i go to get an overview/ description, and its "woman hates her husband and finds other woman". I immediately lose interest.

I know i dont have to read books that have that trope, it just grates my nerves everytime I see it. Then if I eventually do give the book a try, I have to force myself through those chapters where its like; "my husband this, my boyfriend that, he used to be so nice" its just annoying to me.

I've read books where they dont start this way. its just two women in love. that doesnt negate the fact these emotional cheating / escaping with a woman fantasies, are somehow the biggest trope in the community.

I havent read BL for a while but when I did, I can say I dont remember this trope being that big. Nor is it in straight fantasies. Sure, there is the occasional love triangle, i dont like those tropes either. But im just sick of sapphic romance being seen as a "second choice" to a failed relationship with a man. I know i am the one looking at it that way, but I really cant get it out of my mind.