Avy

You swallow back the lump in your throat. Every morning you wake up hoping it’ll be different, and every night you fall asleep wishing you’d vanish, wishing someone, anyone would say you were okay. But that voice, the one inside that repeats, "You’re not trying enough," "Why are you so lazy?" "Why are you like this?" never stops. And yet, somehow, your boyfriend, Sebastian... is here. Oh so calm, patient and yet so steady. Always seeing the part of you you hide even from yourself.

You’ve never told him this. How could you? How could anyone see the depths of the mess inside you and still want to stay? You smile at him, lie about life, laugh when he jokes, act like you’re fine, because the truth is unbearable to say aloud, that you’re failing at life in ways big and small, that you wake up feeling like the world is moving too fast and you’re frozen in place that you could never keep up, that you hide tears in the bathroom/bedroom so no one sees how much it hurts just to exist.

Tonight, though, you can’t keep it in anymore. You find yourself asking him to meet in the park, the words heavy and fragile in your chest. When he arrives, hes the same as always perfectly ordinary in a way that makes you ache, kind and bright and calm, and just being near him makes the weight in your chest feel heavier because you feel even smaller beside him.

“I… We need to talk,” you start, voice tight. Your hands twist together in your lap. “I don’t think… this is fair to you.”

He sat down beside you, his hand brushing lightly against yours. “Hm? Babe tell me, what happened?” he asked gently

You swallow. “I’ve… er.. been hiding things... Pretending I’m okay. Pretending I’m alright. Pretending I can handle life. But I’m... not. I’m slow at academics. I mess up so often. My family… they don’t see me... what I've been through. They only see my failures and mistakes. The comparisons, the words just stick, and it’s like I’ll never be good enough for anyone. Especially not for you.”

He doesn’t interrupt.He just looks at you, with calm and unwavering, like he’s holding space for your pain. That calm makes your chest ache because you can’t hide the truth here anymore, not from him

“I feel like I’m dragging you down,” you whisper, voice trembling. “You’re.. brilliant. Youre perfect in ways I’ll never be and I-” You take a shaky breath. “I think… maybe we should break up.”

Silence stretches between you. You can feel your heartbeat in your ears and fast. The words hang in the air, heavier than anything else.

Then he leans slightly closer, eyes soft, voice quiet but firm. “Hey.”

You freeze and your throat tightens. Not because he’s angry, but because it’s impossible to argue with the calm conviction in his tone.

“You’ve been carrying all of this alone?” he asks. “You think I need protecting from… you?”

“I didn’t want to drag you down.” you admit, almost whispering. Your hands fidget, twisting the edge of your sleeve.

He exhales slowly and deliberate. “You don’t get to decide that for me. Being with you isn’t something I need to be protected from. I choose you.”

The words hit your chest like a lifeline. You still don’t feel like you’re enough, not yet, but hearing him say it makes the edge of the weight in your chest soften.

“I still feel like I’m not enough,” you murmur

“I know” he says softly. “But that feeling doesn’t get to decide for us or for me, Yeah?”

You finally look at him, really look. There’s no judgment in his eyes, only patience. Only care. “I… I don’t know how to do this,” you whisper.

“That’s okay,” he says, a small, gentle smile tugging at his lips. “We’ll figure it out. Together.”

“We?” you aske𝚍, in disbelief and hope tangled in your voice.

“Yes.” he says, calmly. “Together. I’m not asking you to be perfect. I’m not asking you to be happy all the time. I just… want you to let me see you. All of you.”

Tears prick your eyes. You’ve been hiding for so long. Pretending for so long. But he’s still here, still choosing you despite everything you thought made you unworthy.

“I… I don’t know if I can” you whisper.

“You don’t have to know right now,” he says. “Just start by letting me in, okay?.. That’s enough.”

The park is quiet except for the wind rustling the leaves. The sun goes down, the sky gold and pink. Your hands unclench just slightly, and for the first time in a long time, the weight in your chest feels a little lighter. Not gone not fixed, but softer.

Because he hasn’t left. He didn't leave.

And maybe, just maybe, letting him stay means letting yourself stay too.

Sebastian’s gaze snapped up, cold and calm. “I got it” he said, and the edge in his tone was enough. The other student backed away, muttering, and Sebastian’s thumb stroked yours once, lightly, almost unconsciously. His chest loosened, but only slightly. You were safe. With him. That’s all that mattered.

You glanced up at him. “Sebastian… you doing alright.?.”

He gave you a small, almost shy smile, eyes softening. “Y-yeah.. I can’t help it” he whispered. “Love you, hm?..”

The words made your stomach flutter. That simple sentence carried the weight of every secret thought he never said out loud, the quiet obsession, the need to protect, the ache of affection that sometimes pressed against his chestso hard it was almost painful.

You both then wandered over to a cotton candy stand. Sebastian bought two sticks, handing you yours. his fingers brushing yours again. He noticed you staring at him, and your heartbeat thrummed in your chest when his lips moved closer to your cheek to wipe a stray bit of sugar.

“Can’t have you sticky, yeah?” he murmured.

You shivered,not from the sugar from the way he looked at you like you were the only person in the world who mattered. His bluwish green eyes held warmth, intensity and something else an almost desperate affection that made your pulse race.

Your hand slid into his. He caught it instantly, thumb brushing over your knuckles. “I'm yours, remember that.” he whispered, chuckling softly, voice low just enough for you to hear.

“And I'm yours as well also remember that too” you say chuckling with him, leaning into him. Your chest pressed to his, your lips brushing briefly over his collarbone.

Sebastian’s free hand came up to your cheek, thumb tracing the line of your jaw, and his own breath hitched slightly. He leaned in slowly, testing, holding back only because he didn’t want to rush something so perfect. When your lips met his, a flood of warmth and relief washed through him. You were here. You were real. And you were his.

He deepened the kiss gently, hand sliding to hold the small of your back. The lights of the fair blurred around you, spinning into streaks of gold and red, but he didn’t care. Nothing existed outside of this moment the press of your body against his, your small gasp against his mouth, the steady, relentless thrum of your heartbeat against his chest.

Pulling back slightly, forehead pressed to yours, he whispered, almost to himself, “You know... I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you for even a second.”

You blinked, heart twisting at the sincerity and intensity. “You… won’t.” you said softly.

He smiled, a little shy and the softness of it almost hid how deeply he felt it. “I’ll make sure of it” he said quietly, like a promise meant only for himself. He hesitated, “I just… like being the one you lean on.”

You laughed under your breath, pressing a hand to his chest, feeling his heartbeat jump at the contact. “You’re ridiculous.”

He ducked his head, warmth creeping into his expression, and brushed a slow, careful kiss across your forehead.

“Maybe.." he murmured. “But only with you.”

You never thought you’d be sharing a room with him.

But there he was, standing in the doorway of your dorm room one Thursday afternoon, a suitcase, box under one arm and a guitar case in the other.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.” you muttered under your breath.

He glanced at you, amused. “This the right room?”

You nodded slowly, still trying to process the fact that he was your new roommate.

“Cool” he said with an easy smile, setting his stuff down on the empty bed. “I’m Sebastian. Youre-”

You gave your name, and his smile widened a little, like it clicked for him too.

“Right. You’re in engineering, yeah? I’ve seen you around.”

“Yeah” you said, still a little dazed. “You used to be a business major?”

“Mhm...” he said, starting to unpack. “Hated it. Switched to engineering this semester. Figured I’d move dorms while I was at it, this building’s closer.”

You tried not to stare while he unpacked, but it was hard not to notice. The rings, the glint of silver piercings in his ears, the way he handled his guitar case like it was worth more than tuition.

By the time he was done, your half of the room looked exactly the same, plain desk, plain bedding, a pile of notes. His half looked like a gig poster exploded. A guitar stand set up by the wall, a stack of music theory books next to a bag of Reese’s cups, a leather jacket hanging on the back of his chair.

...

The first night was quiet.

Until you forgot your headphones.

You’d been blasting Metallica’s "Enter Sandman" from your laptop while working through problem sets, half headbanging, half solving equations, when you heard movement behind you.

“You’re kidding...” Sebastian said, sitting up from his bed with a grin. “You listen to Metallica?”

You froze, halfway through scribbling a solution, then nodded.

“Good taste” he said, grabbing his guitar and sitting cross legged. “Play that chorus again.”

You blinked. “What?

So you did.

He matched the riff perfectly on the first try, grinning when you stared.

“Don’t look so shocked” he teased. “You think I keep this thing around just for decoration?”

From then on, nights turned into jam sessions. Sometimes you’d both just work in silence, you on equations, him idly plucking at strings, and sometimes you and him would end up laughing so hard the RA would come knocking.

Three months of living together, and the room didn’t feel like two halves anymore. It felt like one life you shared, mismatched, messy, but undeniably yours.

Your desk was buried under both your notes, his hoodie was tossed over your chair half the time, and his guitar stand had migrated dangerously close to your bed. But you didn’t mind.

Your desk was buried under both your notes, his hoodie was tossed over your chair half the time, and his guitar stand had migrated dangerously close to your bed. But you didn’t mind.

If anything, you liked it...

You’d grown used to the rhythm, his guitar playing while you studied, his quiet humming when he thought you weren’t listening, the way he always shoved a Reese’s your way before opening a problem set.

And tonight, it was just like that.

Midterms were looming, the dorm was quiet except for your tapping keyboard and his lazy strumming. But Sebastian wasn’t really playing, just running the same riff over and over, slower than usual, distracted.

“You’re off” you said, glancing up from your notes.

He chuckled, setting the guitar aside. “Guess I am.”

You turned back to your work, but his silence made you pause. When you looked again, he wasn’t smirking or teasing like usual. He was watching you, really watching you. Blueish green eyes steady under the dim desk lamp.

Your breath caught.

“What?”

He hesitated for a beat, then exhaled, running a hand through his hair. “You ever think about… how weird it is we ended up here? Same building, same room, same major. Like.. what are the odds?”

You shrugged lightly, trying to ignore the way your heart was already racing. “Guess the universe has good taste.”

That made him laugh, but softer than usual. His lip ring glinted when he bit down on it for a moment, then he leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

I like living with you” he said simply. No teasing, no filter. Just truth.

The words hit harder than you expected.

“I-? Ilike living with you too, dude” you admitted, voice smaller than you wanted.

Sebastian nodded, then leaned back again, but his eyes never left yours. “Thing is… it’s more than that for me.”

Your chest tightened. “…More?”

He smiled, not the cocky grin he wore in class, but something softer, a little nervous, like he was laying down his guitar and waiting to see if you’d pick it up.

“I like you.” he said. “Not just as my roommate. Not just as my jam partner or study buddy I-” He laughed quietly at himself, shaking his head. “Damn, I’m not usually bad with words.”

“You’re not” you said quickly, your own smile tugging at your lips. “You’re doing fine.”

He looked up again, hope flickering in his eyes. “So… what do you think? About me. About… us.”

The room was quiet, except for your heartbeat hammering in your ears. And yet the answer came easily,

“I think…” you began, sliding off your chair to sit next to him on the bed. “That I like you too. More than I should, probably.”

For a moment, neither of you moved , just staring, both grinning like idiots. Then Sebastian let out a relieved laugh, leaning back against the wall.

“Finally” he said. “I was starting to think I’d have to write it into a song just to get the message across.”

You laughed, shoving his shoulder lightly and when he caught your hand, warm and steady, you didn’t pull away.

Well at least it ain't dramatic, and it sure wasn’t cinematic, just two engineering majors crammed into a messy dorm room, grinning at each other like the world outside didn’t exist.

Eventually, he reaches over, brushing a strand of hair from your face, and your eyelids flutter. You mumble something, half asleep, and he can’t help but chuckle.

“You're up" you say, voice still thick with sleep, eyes barely open. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“I’m… just appreciating” he says, voice low and rough from sleep. “You look… peaceful.”

You smile sleepily, shifting closer. Your hand drifts to his hair, fingers threading through the soft tangles at the nape of his neck. “You’re ridiculous.”

“Maybe” he admits. “But I’m also right.”

You laugh, soft and it makes him want to fold himself around you, never let go. He does, instinctively, arm sliding under your waist to pull you closer. You fit like puzzle pieces, familiar and needed and the cat decides that now is the perfect time to chirp indignantly at both of you from the edge of the bed.

“I swear” Sebastian mutters, nudging the Bengal away with his foot, “he judges everything we do.”

“You love him” you say rolling your eyes, but it’s fond.

“I tolerate him” Sebastian corrects, smirking, “but yes… I love you both.”

You laugh again then he suddenly leans down, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head, nose brushing against your hair. It’s comforting, like home.

You finally roll out of bed, stretching languidly. Sebastian watches, eyes half-lidded, as you pull on your hoodie, grab your backpack, and check your phone. He reaches for his guitar, strumming a soft riff on. He doesn’t need to say anything the music floats in the air, wrapping around the two of you like a blanket.

“You’re going to make me late for class” you complain, but your voice is soft, without real annoyance.

He doesn’t look up. “You like being late with me.”

“You’re ridiculous” you said once again,. but the corner of your mouth lifts into a small, shy smile.

After breakfast, toast, eggs, and the sour patch kids you smuggled from your dorm for him, both of you walked to your first class. Fingers entwined, palm against palm, the simple weight of you in his hand is grounding. Your thumb traces slow circles over his knuckles, and he tightens his grip slightly, like he can hold onto time itself.

“Didn’t sleep much?” you asked as you walk.

“I didn’t” he admits. “But I don’t mind.”

“Is it because of me?”

“Because of you” he says, voice quiet. “Always you.”

You stop, turning to face him, forehead against his. His hair tickles your nose, his breath warm on your lips. You both pause, just there, just like that. No grand gesture, just being together. Being in love.

“I hate you” you say teasingly, though your eyes are soft.

“I know” he murmurs, smiling down at you. “I love you anyways.”

.....

By the time evening settles in, the sky has already made up its mind.

Rain comes down in a steady, unhurried curtain, the kind that turns campus lights into blurry halos and makes the sidewalks shine like polished glass. Sebastian spots you across the quad, jacket pulled tight around yourself, hair already damp, and something in his chest eases the second your eyes meet.

There you are. End of the day. Beginning of everything again.

“You didn’t text” you say when he reaches you, raising your voice just enough to cut through the rain.

He shrugs, sheepish, rain darkening his hair and clinging to his lashes. “Phone died. Sorry.”

You shake your head, smiling anyway. “I figured. Come on, before we drown.”

You walk back toward the dorms together, sharing his jacket even though it’s clearly not enough for two people. Your shoulders brush. His hand hovers, unsure, then settles at your lower back, warm and familiar. The rain drums against the fabric above you, loud enough that conversation feels oddly private.

“So” you say, glancing up at him. “How was your day?”

He exhales, long and slow. “Long. Lab went sideways. Burned my finger soldering.” He shows you his hand, and you immediately grab it, inspecting with exaggerated seriousness.

“You’re alive” you declare. “Barely.”

He laughs, genuine and tired, the sound muffled by the rain. “What about you?”

You hummed, thinking. “Presentation went better than I expected. Still hate public speaking. Spilled coffee on my notes. Twice.”

“Iconic” he says. “Very you.”

You nudge him with your shoulder, and he pretends to stumble. The rain soaks through your shoes now, jeans clinging, hair plastered to your cheeks but neither of you speeds up. There’s something about walking slowly in the rain with him that feels… sacred. Like the world has narrowed to just this stretch of path, just the two of you.

When you reach the space between your dorm buildings, you both stop without saying why.

The rain is heavier here, open sky above you, no awning, no shelter. Campus lights glow behind him, catching in his eyes. Water traces down his nose, over the familiar scar, and you lift your hand without thinking, brushing it away.

He stills.

“You okay?” he asks quietly.

You nod. “Yeah. Just.. Tired. But… good tired.”

He watches you like you’ve said something important. Like he’s filing it away.

“I like hearing about your day,” he says after a moment. “Even the boring parts.”

You smile, soft. “I like that you ask.”

The rain fills the silence between you, heavy and rhythmic. His thumb brushes your knuckles. Yours curl into the front of his jacket, gripping like you might float away otherwise.

“Sebastian." you start, then stop.

“What?” His voice is low, careful. Present

You look up at him, rain dripping from your lashes. “Nothing. I just-”

He leans in, just a little. Close enough that you feel his breath, warm against the cool rain.

“I know” he murmurs.

And then there’s no thinking left to do.

You close the distance together, foreheads brushing first, noses bumping slightly, a quiet laugh escaping you both. His hand comes up to cup your cheek, thumb gentle, reverent. When he kisses you, it’s slow, Gentle, like he has all the time in the world.

The rain soaks you completely.

You kiss him back, fingers fisting in his jacket, heart loud in your ears. The world dissolves into rain and warmth and the steady certainty of him. His lips are soft, familiar, tasting faintly of coffee and rainwater, and when he deepens the kiss just a fraction, you feel it everywhere.

When you finally pull apart, breathless, rain streaming down your faces, he rests his forehead against yours.

“We’re going to get sick” he says.

“Worth it” you reply instantly.

He smiles, wide, helpless, in love. “Yeah” he agrees softly. “Worth it.”

Hand in hand, soaked through and laughing quietly, you head for the dorms together, rain trailing behind you like applause.

And for once, the day ends exactly where it should.

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