tides change with the moon

Me and my bro back in the day.

Went camping this weekend. Adventure man rode a few miles up the mountain and found some morels for me. I’ve never had them and he wanted to make a special trip so that I could taste them. They were delicious!

Noble was the best camp dog.

We played dice and cards, we ate lots of yummy foods. Slept well.

For about a year and half I’ve been getting tight muscles in my neck and shoulders which has been causing vertigo. The vertigo will usually last a day or so, max three.

I’ve gone in to get referrals to a massage, hoping that’ll take care of it. Well it hasn’t.

Last week it started again but lasted a little over a week. I went in again to take a more aggressive approach. My PA was amazing!

She ordered X-rays of my neck and shoulder, an MRI, did a physical exam (she thinks I’ve got a frozen shoulder) and also prescribed me muscle relaxers and anti nausea pills to help with the vertigo. She referred me to PT, the Chiropractor and massage!

The X-rays came back and she said my cervical spine has been straightening probably from muscle spasms. I’ve got to lay on a really hard foam neck thing to help get a curve back.

Anyways I’m hoping that’ll take care all of these things cause vertigo ain’t no fun.

I won’t apologize for not knowing earlier what only time could teach me.

I was unbelievably hurt by your words. Not because I thought they were true, but because it showed me what you think about me and how you feel. After 20 years of knowing me, thats how you saw me. THAT is what hurt, that is what made me question every interaction we’ve had. When I expressed hurt, you didn’t even flinch, just doubled down.

When you apologized, you apologized for handling it wrong. But you stood by your words and called them fair and true. I didn’t need that kind of an apology. I needed you to understand how cutting those words were and to question how you could ever say and mean those things.

You say I have resentment and imply it’s all my doing. But I think resentment is a consequence of unrepaired harm.

While we find ourselves here at an end, our friendship has given me so much. I’ve learned a lot from you and believe I’m a better person from knowing you.

But it’s time we follow our own paths. I release you and send you off with love surrounded by pink sparkling energy.

I have a work thing to go to today, it’s a community event and I’ll be talking to people about water.

I spent an hour trying to get a meter in.

I have to be stern and stand up to the sprinkler company. I’m not looking forward to it, but I’m also not going to pay them for a job they didn’t do.

I couldn’t get logged on to my schools site to do homework so ended up meal prepping.

Every Monday like clockwork I feel overwhelmed and something inevitably happens that becomes the cherry on top.

I feel like I complain and then I minimize it. In reality I’m okay, more than okay. I have a roof over my head, my bills are paid, I’ve got food, family, friends, a cute bf, and the most adorable pup. So get over myself right?

Traveled a little under two hours away to this beautiful area.

Had lunch at a a tiny bar and grill with solar lights everywhere and a humming bird.

Found a few ticks on me but none on Noble.

It was gorgeous weather and everything smelled wonderful.

@thatwitchybitch21 I found this cute little thing in my shower the other day and thought of you.

Everything I touched today kinda went to shit. BUT I problem solved the shit out of each situation. 💪🏼

Even though I struggled I was in a great mood. I like those days.

One of my teachers turned friend sent me a very sweet and thoughtful message yesterday after we got off of our zoom call. It was a very much appreciated.

I got a free, used bicycle from work! The tires were flat and the seat was loose. But I fixed it right up and rode it around the parking lot before loading it my car-truck. The last time a rode a bike I crashed within 30sec of getting on it. I didn’t crash this time! Now I get to join one of my friends on bike rides.

This quarter I’m taking a GIS class and I’m really liking it. Data management and map making scratch an itch in my brain. I’ve messed around in ArcGIS at work but this is definitely more in depth. It’ll be nice to get the “whole picture” down since I’ve already got the in the field skills.

I took apart my sink plumbing a few weeks ago to get a clog out. I checked for leaks once I put it back together but I must have missed something because it smells slightly of mold in the cabinet under the sink. That will be addressed tomorrow.

Tomorrow afternoon I’ll be going disc golfing with a few friends. Noble loves going and I’ll be happy with some nature and sunshine.

So drama yeah?

No but for reals.

Got a long text yesterday from former bff. It’s been a few weeks since our talk and walk with the pups.

The text didn’t land the way I think she intended? To be honest I don’t really know her intentions anymore so maybe that doesn’t matter.

What stuck out or struck me most was that she views me as less than. (This has been our dynamic for a bit) That all the work I’ve done is “Awesome!” But I needed to be “capable” before, if I’d just done this or done that, then things would’ve been different. It felt very “all my doing” with a casual “we both aren’t perfect” thrown in there to soften the blows.

I worked very hard to come to her with boundaries and to be vulnerable with her. But it was taken as me “standing up” to her, and when I shared my feelings it was perceived as an attack.

She ended it with a no possibility of a friendship.

While I had come to a similar conclusion after our talk I was wanted to take it slow and see if we could find our way back to a friendship using a different path. I thought with the time and knowledge we gained we could be better prepared to navigate to a healthy friendship.

It seems that we are both determined to misunderstand each other.

I took a few hours to reply. I wanted to convey agreement with ending our friendship and lightly close the door. I wished her happiness.

Dudes numbing cream is the way to go!

Got one more session next month and she’ll be finished.