Papa Karl's Emporium

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57475546/chapters/224046716

Leon put his super cool tactical gun named Aurora back in its holster.  He’d just designed the weapon during the last three months of his job, landing on the name after the oil slick refracted the light on the barrel.   He got out of the 1971 Dodge Challenger he stole from Ethan Winters, parked by whatever piece of trash his best friend James Sunderland had left out here by the river’s trail.  When Leon exited the car he realized he’d t-boned the blue vehicle, which sat crunched.   Leon tossed his feathery bangs back and scoffed.  He pulled out the Hello Kitty walkie talkie communicator and paged James.  "Looks like we ran into each other again, James." No, he could do better.  Leon blinked. "I auto-know better, but I just hope the damage isn’t wheel-y bad." He let off the button.  "Hah. Got ’em." A voice crackled through the speaker.  James, as usual, sounded confused.  "Leon, is that you?  What the hell are you talking about?" "I’ve got a bad habit I’ve got to brake."   "......Huh?" "There’s no time, James! What’s your 20 and the path to you?" "Hang on, I’m drawing you a map."   "How am I supposed to get it?" "In the collapsed tunnel is a big steamer trunk.  I’ve got one in front of me too.  If I put the map in mine, it’ll show up in yours." "There’s just one problem." "I know, it sounded crazy to me too." "James--how am I supposed to get to the trunk that’s in the tunnel if the tunnel is collapsed?" "Fuck!" ------------------------------------- "HOLY SHIT!"  Leon was shooting with his big huge beefy delicious gun, and he’d lost his jacket.  His biceps and shoulders were popping as he aimed again and again at Pyramid head.  He was taking his time with the fancy reload because this was like his sixth playthrough.   James was cowering behind him like usual.   "Get behind me! You can’t shoot with a missing hand!" "How many fucking times do I have to tell you I’m not Ethan Winters!" Leon ducked and rolled out of the way of the sword attack, which caught James in the arm again.  Sunderland reeled back, cursing as he immediately healed.   "I don’t get it!" Leon said, shooting more, causing the monster to turn and look at him--presumably.  "He’s only chasing you! I can’t get him to attack me!  It’s like he’s focused on you or something?" James sighed and moved back behind Leon again to draw the monster’s attention in the other’s direction.  He stared at Leon’s shoulders for a moment.  "Where’s your jacket?" "No time!  But hey--this guy’s got a POINT." He parried the blade and did a backflip, nearly knocking James down another 3240038403284 step flight of stairs.   James turned to look longingly at the dark entryway as though he were thinking about just running.   Leon tossed his hair.  "He seems to be really SHARP."   James lowered his eyebrows.  Leon did another roundhouse kick, and then suplexed Pyramid Head to the ground.  Then Pyramid head dropped his sword, standing up quickly, and Suplexed Leon back.   "God, I miss my wife."  Said James.  

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57475546/chapters/207208121