I looked around, sighing in frustration. It was not comfortable waiting for someone during the winter, in New York. And choosing a rooftop was definitely not a good idea.

I was waiting for Peter, a close friend of mine, I had told him to meet me immediately and told him it was very urgent. There wasn’t anything wrong, it was just that my paranoia had me under control, driving me mentally sick because for days, maybe weeks I had just one question in my head: could Peter...be Spider-Man?

It all had started when he ‘got an internship in the Stark Industries’. He constantly ditched me, showed up late everywhere, left me and Ned with all the work we had for our science project and Ms. Parker started asking me questions to see if I knew why Peter kept sneaking out at night. If he was Spider-Man, all of these would make sense along with some other small details I noticed. Maybe I was just watching too much Sherlock. But no matter what, I had to know. I just had to have an answer.

“(Y/N)!” Peter’s screaming made me jump in fear, pulling me out of my thoughts.

I turned to face him as he rushed in front of me. “What is going on? What is so urgent you wanted to meet here, in the middle of the night?” His voice reflecting his anger.

“I-I have to tell you something.” Ask you something. Ask! Why am I so nervous?

“What? What is it?”

“I know.” I was only capable of saying those two words. Even though I had this conversation practiced in my head a dozen times, I couldn’t help but be nervous.

“What? Know what?” He chuckled nervously, making me more confident of myself.

“I know Peter! So-so you better explain yourself before I-“

“(Y/N)! You know what? Just tell me!”

“Why you sneak out at night, why you always ditch me, have scarves all over you, a-and whenever you’re gone stuff, you know, happens! I am not an idiot.”

I saw the shock in his eyes as his mouth opened, no word coming out.

“Y-you, I don’t know what you’re saying. I have no clue. Zero, like-like none, you know what-“

“Peter! Just admit it.”

“Admit what? You’re freaking me the hell out.” He said, trying to act all cool.

“Admit who you are.”

“We’ve been friends since elementary school, don’t you kn-“

“Peter!” I shouted again. “I know you’re Spider-Man.”

“W-what? I-I’m not Spider-Man! What the hell?” He said, laughing nervously again.

“Oh you’re not?” I asked sarcastically.

“Of course not!”

“So you’re doing all those things becaausseee?”

“The Stark Internship! I’ve been saying- Do you even ever listen to me?”

“Oh, yeah, right, that! Why couldn’t I think of that! So what do you do in this ‘internship’?”

“(Y/N), you sound so crazy right know.”

“C-crazy? Me?” I took a few steps back, running my hands through my hair. I was freaking the hell out.

“Yeah you! You know what, I’ll prove it to you. Show you where I work, introduce you-“

“P-prove it to me?” I asked, as the words left my mouth, an idea popped into my head. I turned my back to Peter, facing the view up from the rooftop we were standing in.

“Yes! How about tomorrow? I promise.”

I didn’t answer, I just walked towards the edge. I saw the ground, God, how high is this building?

I turned back to face Peter, with a creepy grin on myself. “Peter, you’re telling me you’re not...”

“Not Spider-Man!”

I took a few more steps towards the edge.

“(Y/N) What are you-“

“So that would mean...” I looked down at the ground again before looking at him over my shoulder.

“You couldn’t do anything, you know, if I happened to slip and-“

“No no no no I don’t like where this is going.” He walked towards me, there were still a long distance between us.

“So if I jump,” I stepped on the sides.

“...You couldn’t catch me.”

“You are being insane! Get back down, please!”

“Not until you tell me who you are.”

He walked towards me, “N-no! Come any closer and I’ll jump.”

“Okay, okay!” He stopped, holding his hands up in the air. “Just please, for the love of god, get down from there.”

“Peter, admit it.” I said, my voice more confident. I knew no matter what, he could catch me. He was Spider-Man.

“I-I...(Y/N) I AM NOT SPIDER-MAN!”

“Well, I guess, I am going to die...” I took one more step. And that was it, there was no more space left.

“Get down there, please! I. AM. NOT. SPIDER-MAN.”

I took a deep breath. My heart was pounding in my chest. I heard him talking, but I wasn’t listening anymore. I knew there was only one way to find out.

I let myself go, backwards into the darkness. He shouted my name, and I caught a sight of him running towards the edge. That was the last thing I saw before I shut my eyes. Just in a few seconds, I found myself in his arms, my face buried in his shoulder. We were...up in the air. My brain couldn’t function what was happening. I opened my eyes when my feet touched the ground.

“Oh my god.” I breathed out as I looked at him. We were safe on the ground.

“Are you okay?” He asked as he held my face, looking into my eyes.

“Y-yes. I knew it.”

He wrapped his arms around me. “Don’t ever do that again. You scared the living shit out of me.”

WARNINGS: signs of depression, severe anxiety disorder, SUICIDE

A/N: Please contact me if you have any kind of problems or need help.

She tried to take deep breaths, holding onto the wall, trying to stop her hands from shaking. It was one of those moments where she stopped pretending, she wasn’t who she was portraying; a hero; a powerful member of the Avengers who always stood strong.

She was used to bad days. She knew loss, grief, dark days; she used to think she could overcome it all, it would all be okay with time. Time had been the cure for every single disappointment, or a sadness she had in her life. She had learned to heal, and to be strong with time. But she also learned that some days could be unbearable by the hard way.

Those days, were now more than just ‘bad days’. They had became her weeks, months...now her whole life.

Pain changed people and now, she was not who she used to be. She had started to realize that she couldn’t take what it takes to be a hero. All her friends, her family were heroes. They were strong. They knew how to live with pain, regret, sarrow, grief, loss...She felt like the weakest one in the team, she knew would make mistakes others had to pick up after her. She thought that she was a burden, everyone’s lives would be better off without her. And living with that thought, made her life unbearable. She had started to wake up every morning trying so hard to make it out of bed, and sometimes she didn’t.

She didn’t want anyone to know how she felt, because she was ashamed. So she always put on a mask, did her best to look as happy as she never could be.

When she felt like she couldn’t breathe, she stumbled into the terrace. She could feel her knees shaking, she just sat down on the floor, trying to stop her whole body from shaking.

What is wrong with me?

At first,it got harder to breath but she tried to stay calm, then she felt the air in her lungs, relaxing her in each breath.

Okay, there you go, you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine....

It was not her first time experiencing a severe anxiety attack. She got up slowly, walking around the terrace, trying to make herself forget about the pain by watching the beautiful view of the city from the tower. She unconsciously walked over to the edge, just to look down. It was too high, she had trouble seeing the street. She thought that it would be impossible to survive if she fell. She had thought about death before, but not like this. She had gotten to the point where she started considering it. She stepped up on the edge, feeling the wind, looking down; trying to see the ground clearly.

It would make things easier, for everybody. She thought.

“Sir, I think you would want to see this.” FRIDAY spoke to Tony as he was down his lab, buried deep in work.

“No just-“ When Tony looked up on the screen, he was shocked; paralyzed. It was (Y/N), standing by the edge, looking down on the ground. His brain froze for a moment, he couldn’t believe his eyes. Was she...considering to take her life?

He immediately ran out of his lab, straight up to the terrace. When the others saw him rushing outside, they ran after him, figuring out that something was wrong.

“Oh my god.” Natasha breathed out in shock when she saw her.

“(Y/N)!” Steve called out for her, they walked towards her until she turned to face them.

“DON’T!” She shouted, and they all froze in their places in panic.

“(Y/N)-“ Tony tried to speak, taking a step closer but she wouldn’t allow him.

“D-don’t move!”

“Okay- hey, let’s just calm down for a moment, okay?” Natasha said with a low, calm voice.

(Y/N) was now in tears, she didn’t even know when she did start crying.

Steve got so scared he didn’t know what to say, he tried pulling himself together, “J-just hear us out, okay?”

“Whatever is it that you’re going through, we can do it together...” Tony said, speaking too fast because (Y/N) was still looking down on the ground, scaring the hell out of him.

“Sweetheart,” Clint called out to her, adding; “This is not, this can not be the option.”

“You can’t leave us like this.” Wanda said, followed by Natasha: “You wouldn’t be the only one taking the hit, you know?”

“And you don’t have fight whatever it is, alone. We’re here-“

“You-you can’t fix this! Okay? There is n-nothing to stop it, I-I can’t keep waking every morning, feeling like a burden to all of you!”

“W-what? A burden? Do you have any idea, how fucking lost we would be without you?” Tony asked, raising his voice.

(Y/N) was like the glue holding the group together. She saw the good in everyone and brought out the best of them. She taught them how to be friends, family. She used to be a cheerful, hopeful girl filled with laughter, joy.

But it wasn’t the same anymore.

“Tony-“

“If it wasn’t for you, we wouldn’t be living together at all.” Steve said.

“You are the reason we stand together, more than a team.” Wanda added, taking a step closer.

“A family.” Thor said, he had realized how important each member of the team got for him lately, they had became something else.

“And you need a reason to live? It’s family.” Tony said, even stepping closer.

She took a step closer to them to, even though she still was crying, and shaking in panic. Steve noticed her getting farther off the edge, so he took it as an advantage, and moved fast to grab her by the arm. Steve’s sudden move made her stumble backwards in fear, when she almost lost her balance, she tried to stand still by opening her arms; but it was too late. Her heel slipped, it all happend so fast she couldn’t function it. She screamed at the top of her lungs as she fell backwards into the darkness; Steve tried so hard to hold her hand, but only their fingertips met lightly.

Without any hesitation, Tony ran to the edge and jumped after her, everyone was so scared they ran up to the edge to see them.

Tony didn’t have his suit when he jumped, but he had to risk his suit not being fast enough. It was (Y/N). She was worth all the risks, he didn’t want to think how his life would be without her.

Tony’s suit met his body part by part in the air, when he was suited up fully, he flew faster to grab (Y/N). When they almost hit the ground, Tony held her in his arms in the last second before rising up high in the sky, landing back on the rooftop.

He kneeled down on the ground as he layed her down, checking for injuries. Everyone gathered around them, sitting down in a circle. (Y/N) was terrified; shaking so bad and hardly breathing.

“Hey, hey it’s alright. You’re safe.”

“Just breathe, (Y/N)- breathe...” They calmed her down slowly, than took her inside to get her a blanket and warm her up.

They sat by her, trying to talk to her, holding her until she stopped shaking. After a while her body shut down from that much stress and pain, she fell asleep on the couch and Steve carried her up to her room. They decided that they weren’t going to leave her alone, so they took turns. In the first night, Steve slept on her floor. The next night, it was Natasha who fell asleep right next to her. It went on and on no matter how bad she protested they didn’t have to. They talked to her, helped her, make her feel loved, safe.

It was hard; beating depression, believing life was worth living again. But being with them, it got easier. She started thinking time wasn’t the solution, or the cure. It’s family, she thought.

It took weeks, maybe months but she was better each day. They started to notice that she was smiling, laughing. She had good days, even though her bad ones. Time passed, and none of them left her side until she got through it all.

One morning, when they were walking towards the kitchen to have breakfast, Natasha heard her. She was cooking again, mumbling lyrics to some old rock song.

“Sssh!”

“Ssh what?” Steve whispered.

They all stood silent to hear her.

“She is singing again.” Tony smiled.

It used to be their tradition, (Y/N) would cook pancakes on sunday mornings. She loved to sing while doing so, they all remembered it.

They gave each other looks and small smiles, she was okay. She was better, and that was all that mattered; things could go back to the way it used to be.

They walked into the kitchen.

“Smells good in here!”

“You have no idea how much I missed your pancakes!”

(Y/N) watched them messing around, laughing as they started to help her make breakfast. It was that moment she knew; I’m okay...I’m home.

••••

I skipped to another song as I layed back down on my sunbed, enjoying the sun warming my skin. It was a good day. We rarely had good days.

Tony had bought a yacht and he convinced us that we all should take a break to go on a little vacation. Everyone agreed, and I hadn’t seen any of them this happy in months.

Steve, Bucky, Sam, Peter and Thor were racing to see who could swim the fastest, Tony, Rhodey, Natasha, Clint and Bruce were at the bar preparing cocktails, Wanda and Vision were in the back of the yacht, watching the view. I was being me, laziest person in the team, laying down sunbathing with my earpods in.

“Thanks.” I said to Tony as he brought me a drink.

“You’re welcome,” He said as he threw himself on the sunbed next to mine.

“This is amazing.” I said as I took another sip from my drink.

I chatted with Tony for a while until Natasha called us to the water.

“Come on.” Tony said as he got up, everyone was now in the water, waiting for us to join.

“No-uh, I think I’ll stay here. I am getting really tan.”

“Come on (Y/N)!” Natasha shouted for me from the water.

“You can work on your tan after a swim, just get up.”

The reason I didn’t go in the water was that I actually didn’t know how to swim. When I was a little girl I had fallen into the neighbor’s pool and ever since that I would never go into a pool where my feet didn’t touch the ground and that I couldn’t see the bottom of. I knew it would sound ridiculous, I was a member of The Earth’s Mightiest Heroes but I couldn’t swim.

Tony kept insisting, “Tony...I- I don’t know how to swim.” I said quietly.

“What?” This is embarrassing.

“I-I am scared. It’s just that I almost drowned when I was a kid so-“

“That’s okay! This is the best chance you get to learn! We’ll teach you and you can overcome your fear. A good thing to cross off your bucket list.”

“I am good here. Thanks though.”

“Alright, no pressure.” He left and joined the others.

I put my earpods back in, laying down again. I closed my eyes, trying to relax, Just when I was about to fall asleep, I felt someone standing above me, blocking the sun.

I opened my eyes to see Bucky. He had just gotten out of the water.

“Hi honey-“ I noticed he had a evil smile on his face, and the others were silent, watching us. They looked like they were trying not to laugh.

Fuck. He was going to grab me and bring me to the water. I knew it.

I jumped up screaming, “No! Don’t you dare- Bucky I SWEAR TO GOD NO!” I tried to run from him but he caught me by my waist, wrapping his arms around me and picking me up. As he walked towards the edge of the yacht, I kept screaming and asking for others to help. He held me down and jumped inside the water, with me in his arms.

Luckily, I managed to inhale before we hit the water and hold my breath, but I was still terrified as fuck when the cold water hit my warm skin. When we got on surface again, I wrapped my legs around his torso and hugged his head, not knowing what to do. I started freaking out, there were even fish and all.

“Oh god-OH GOD! GET ME OUT, I-“ moved around in panick, splashing water all around me including his eyes. He tried to hold me steady, “Calm down babe, hey,” He held me gently and I just hugged him, I felt like my heart was about to pound out of my chest.

“I would do this sooner if I knew you would be all around me like this,” He said with a smirk.

“Now is no time to joke Barnes! I hate all of you.”

Everyone tried to calm me down and saying it was okay. They insisted that they could teach me how to swim, I really just wanted to go back to safety in my sunbed. But they wouldn’t let it go, so I had to say yes.

Natasha and Sam showed me how to move my legs and arms, I listened like a little kid.

“Okay, now try it. I am letting go.” Bucky said but I panicked, hugging him tighter, “NO!”

“Ssh it’s okay. I am holding you-fine.” He put his hand on each of my body, and I practised how to move my body.

“You’re ready. Just try to swim towards Steve, I’ll get you if something is wrong.” Bucky said after a while of me practicing.

Everyone cheered for me as I tried to encourage myself. Steve opened his arms, he wasn’t even that far but in my eyes it was really scary.

“Okay, here I go.” I said and Bucky let go. I moved my arms and legs fastly in panick, trying my best to swim towards Bucky.

Sam, Natasha, Clint, Tony and Thor clapped for me as I did my best to swim as fast as I could -I was ridiculously slow-.

When I finally reached Steve he let me hold onto him, I was out of my breath and my heart was pounding. After I rested for a minute.

“Okay now, swim towards me!” Natasha said and I did, hugging her.

I swam towards everyone so I could practise.

“You’re doing great!” Wanda stated when she let go of me and I swam back towards Bucky.

I had gotten tired and he must have realized, he swam towards me too and pulled me in his arms.

“Thanks guys, this is not so bad, I guess.”

We hanged out for a while in the water, then everyone except me and Bucky went back in the yacht.

He swam a little further from the yatch, to a spot no one could see us.

“You trying to take advantage of me, Mr. Barnes?” I asked playfully before resting my forehead against his.

“You caught me.” He said with a smirk before locking his lips with mine.

It was a slow, passionate kiss, I ran my hands through his wet hair as his hands rested on the back of my thighs.

We were really enjoying that moment before our team mates, the actual 5 year olds decided to splash cold water at us from the yacht with a big water gun.

I screamed after we pulled away, “TONY I SWEAR TO GUN I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU WHEN I GET BACK UP THERE!”