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Season 1:

Flirt with Martin, Sasha, or Tim. I made a post about this, actually!

Believe Naomi in "Alone", or be skeptical of her story. This plays into how skeptical you'd want Jon's mask to be. If you believe Naomi Jon will let his mask break a bit and say strange stuff is out there, if you are skeptical of her story Jon will keep his mask and act how he does in canon. (Believing Naomi raises entity points, being skeptical of her story raises humanity points, because remember, Jon is acting so skeptical because he feels like he's being watched.)

Admit to Martin that you believe in the "paranormal", or don't admit to Martin that you believe in the "paranormal". In the safe room during the worm attack, you can either answer Martin's question about Jon's skepticism honestly or refuse. If you answer honestly the canon events of TMA will happen where Jon opens up to Martin about his paranoia, if you don't, Jon will shut Martin down and say he's just like that and there's nothing more to it. Being honest gives you a major relationship increase with Martin, shutting him down causes a major relationship decrees.

Go with Sasha, Tim, or Martin during the worm situation. If you with Martin, Jon will be there to find Gertrude's body, you will also raise relationship points with Martin. If you go with Tim you will raises your relationship with him, and Tim (High on fire extinguisher) will help Jon walk on his leg. if you go with Sasha you will raise your relationship with her, and then Sasha and Jon will be separated and Sasha will become Not! Sasha! On this route Jon will noticeably be off put by Not! Sasha's presence because he was JUST with her and now she's acting...odd.

Let Tim go home, or make him give a statement. At the end of the episode, Tim will refuse to talk about what just happened, and say that he wants to go home. If you let him go home he'll walk away, and the player never gets to learn his POV of events. However, Jon and Tim won't loose relationship. If you do make him give a statement, you will get to learn about the events through Tim's POV, however, the downside is that Tim and Jon's relationship looses points and becomes more strained. (If you make Tim stay you get entity points, if you let him leave you get humanity points.)

Season 2:

I'm imagining like a scene with a big board with a red string on it, and for a choice Jon has to pick who he finds the most suspicious: Martin, Tim, Sasha, or Elias. Depending on your choice, Jon will treat whoever you choose with more suspicion when they talk. (If you choose Martin or Tim, your entity score will go up. If you choose Not! Sasha or Elias, your humanity score will go up.)

More Under The Cut!

Jon Sims - Jon's never quite known the answer to this question. He likes kids well enough and doesn't think being a Father would be the worse thing in the world, but he also carries deeply about his career, and would rather stay late to climb the ladder than come home to kids everyday and he knows that too. Maybe one day when he's older and in a more prestigious position he wouldn't mind having one or two, maybe, but the answer in the current day was "Not right know." Then all The Eye stuff happened and it becomes really hard to think of the future when your present is such a mess and you don't even know if you'll have your humanity at the end of it all. So Season 5 Jon would say he didn't think he could ever have kids. Both because of not wanting to drag his kids into his mess, and because of his self-loathing and not really trusting himself anymore after he accidentally ended the world

Martin Blackwood - This is a very complicated question for Martin. Because on one hand: Yes, he wants kids. The idea of being able to have a family with someone who loves him and having this tight knit family is....wonderful, far more than he'd ever ask for. However, on the other hand, the idea of having kids terrifies him. After being raised by his Mother, he's scared he won't know how to do it right and make his kids feel as unwanted as his Mother made him feel. Plus, he's so comfortable with being alone. Not having kids is....easier in that way. It let's him have the choice to stay distant from people, which he wouldn't feel like he had if he had kids. Also, he'd be a little worried about his partner and kids getting sick of him one day and moving on, which would destroy him. He does want kids.....but it's weird and I don't know if he'd ever actually have one.

Tim Stoker - Yes! He's always wanted kids. Family means a lot to him, and he simply never imagined a future where he remains childless forever. He always wanted a few, maybe two or three, but it just depends on how many his future partner would want. He does want kids NOW, he wants to have his fun first and get his life a little more sorted out first, but he for sure wants them one day. (And let's be honest, he'd love Dad jokes.)

Sasha James - Not really. She always wanted to be a career women who really valued her education, and she thought having kids would make those ambitions more complicated. Plus, she just never really had that maternal instincts. She likes kids, she has a niece she thinks is super fun to be around, but babysitting is as close as she wants to get to having a kid of her own.

Melanie King - She's never really minded kids, but she doesn't really want them either. She's never thought a ton about it really, she's just at peace with the fact that she's never going to have them.

Georgie Barker - She wants animal children, but she's good with not having children, children. She's just never really wanted them.

Basira Hussain - Not really. She's always been very neutral about children. She doesn't hate them, but she doesn't have a ton of fun around them either. She doesn't really see herself as a Mother, so that's not the route she's going down. It's very simple to her and that's fine.

Daisy Tonner - Daisy loves the idea of having kids. Having someone who's a mix of her, and her partner who she loves more than anyone in the world, doesn't sound bad at all. She'd love a pack.

Peter Lukas - No. He values his family legacy a lot, but he thinks his other family should be the one to carry on their name. He himself wants to stay connectionless and thinks other family members will do a better job of continuing things on.

Elias Bouchard - Let's be honest, Elias is probably already a Father to someone, somewhere out there.

Gertrude Robinson - No. She would never have kids thinking that their world is always on the brink of a fear apocalypse. She couldn't imagine making that one choice, one because she would never want to bring a child into what she sees as a very possibly doomed world, two because she can't even think about the logistical nightmare of trying to stop an apocalypse and raise a child, three because she knows she would always have to put saving the world above her child. And granted, even if none of the fears happened she wouldn't want kids anyways. In an everything's fine AU I could maybe see her fostering teens or something or just taking older teens under her wing (Since she gets close to Gerry and seems to enjoy their complicated Mother/Son thing going on) but no babies for her.

Gerry Keay - Absolutely not. Maybe some other version of Gerard Keay would want kids, but this Gerry is very stressed out by even the concept. After being raised by his Mother he has NO IDEA how to parent a child correctly, and the stress of whether to raise them in his world or the normal world would be to much for him to take. Raising him in his world would mean doing what his Mother did to him, at least to an extent. Raising them in the normal world would mean that he could never understand them, and they could never understand him. Either way it would be a mess, and more of one than he wants to deal with.

Hezekiah Wakely - Sure??? I'm going to be real with you, this guy has one statement and he doesn't mention kids once. This is just based off vibes. But based off vibes I'm going: Yes, he likes kids and being around them. He'd probably want them to share his love of dirt eventually which would be problematic to say the least, but I'm going with a strong "Yeah, why not?"

Jane Prentiss - Jane wanted kids once, but not really for the right reasons. She wanted kids because in her eyes that would be a connection that would never leave her. As their Mother her and the baby would just have this bond, and despite anything they went through and even if the kid called her "toxic" just like her old friends did, she would still be their Mom. So yeah she wanted kids, but NOT for healthy or good reasons.

Agnes Montague - She's never allowed herself to really think about. She knows she has a duty to fulfill within her cult, and any life outside of that is just a daydream. Maybe there's a part of her that finds comfort in getting to experience something as "normal" as Motherhood, but that's more about Agnes craving a more average l life. She isn't actually sure if she wants kids or not, but there's a sadness in her that she doesn't really get to choose.

Jude Perry - Not really. She hates kids and has always hated kids. The only way she'd have them is if it were with Agnes and she was raising The Desolation's newest messiah baby. She'd like having that much importance in The Desolation's eyes, but she doesn't actually want a baby if it's not important in the ways she wants it to be.

Oliver Banks - He was one of those "I would like to have them when I'm 30 and more stable," people, but then the fears happened and he's unable to see himself having kids anymore. He couldn't deal with the constant anxiety of the thought of seeing a tendril on them.

Jared Hopworth - For some reason I could see him having a kid, but he should not have kids.

Distortion Michael - Michael Shelley wanted kids once. He wanted them a lot actually. Growing up he imagined (hoped) a lot that he would have this big happy family fully of loving people one day, but that never worked out for him before The Distortion stuff happened. After that, he couldn't imagine having kids. That would be a piece of this unimageable existence, and it would be a real tangible piece that was proof that they were alive. That would make their existences even more painful.

Distortion Helen - Her life never seemed to be in a place to ever really think about kids. She moved out of her parents place, then she got her job as retailor which kept her busy, then it seemed like something was always happening in the background to keep her mind occupied from thoughts like that. So she never really considered it other than as "I don't know," but she WAS very judgmental to parents of children who acted out in public. As The Distortion, she really doesn't consider children anymore. Her existence is to...well, complicated these days.

Nikola Orsinov - This is to horrifying to actually think about, so let's just say no. :)

Michael Crew - Mike is easily irritated by children. He hates the screaming, and the stickiness, and the noise. A child crying in a public place long enough can irritate him bad enough to leave. He's not the type of person who should be a parent, and thankfully he doesn't want to be a parent either. (Bonus headcanon that he's really judgmental towards parents in general. God forbid your child do anything even slightly wrong in front of him, he's going to assume you're the worst parents ever and has never tried to teach your children to behave in public a day in your life.)

Simon Fairchild - Simon would totally be a deadbeat Dad. He probably has kids out there right now that he doesn't remember the name of.

SPOILERS FOR EXPEDITION 33 BELOW

Michael Shelley -

A: He has a camcorder and loves to film in his off time from The Institute. Capturing the world already him has always made him feel more grounded, but even more than that it's just simply something he enjoys. He often walks to the local park and just films the going on around him for a little bit. He would maybe make a movie or something if the chance just fell into his lap, but storytelling isn't his real passion. He just wants to show what the world looks like through his eyes, which is why he doesn't tell anyone about this hobby because he'd be embarrassed if they wanted to see.

B: He really likes cat memes. RIP Michael Shelley, you would love Grumpy Cat.

C: Despite working at The Institute, he doesn't actually like certain types of horror. Psychological horror is something he finds really upsetting because of what happened with Ryan. He actually does like slasher movies, and some paranormal movies, but a lot of paranormal movies are a miss because he can't stand the common trope of people not believing the person seeing the ghost. It hits to close to home.

D: He wears glasses, and without them, easily has the worst eye sight in the entire institute. He can run into a desk right in front of him if he doesn't have his glasses because everything is just a blur.

E: He has OCD and a lot of his compulsions are around his door trauma. When he opens a door he has to open it three times to make sure it leads to the same place each time, and he needs to knock on a door before he opens it because it makes him feel better.

Eric Delano -

A: He often brought in a portable radio to work and listened to it while he did busywork. He was the type of person who just couldn't stand silence.

B: He stole a ring from artifact storage once. It's a ring from The Lonely that blocks out nightmares and makes sleep a cold oblivion instead. As it turns out, he prefers waking up cold from a dreamless sleep than having nightmares of giant eyes watching him.

C: He used to buy weed from the real Elias. He was really surprised to hear that he was the head of The Institute now.

D: He also really had a fondness for more "dangerous" animals. Poisonous spiders, poisonous snakes, alligators, sharks, something about them being labeled as dangerous just makes him want to learn about them. He believes most of them are understood on some level, and even if they aren't humans are still at fault for most bad interactions because animals are just animals. They can't help but be that way. This mindset did not help in his relationship with Mary.

E: He's a huge "Adams Family" stan.

Sarah Carpenter -

A: She loved campy horror movies. Horror that took it itself seriously was fine, but she always had a special enjoyment for movies with terrible effects and even worse acting.

B: She was the most eye aligned of Gertrude's assistants. She always wanted to explore and know more, and was never satisfied with the answers she found because she knew more was out there.

C: She has bright red dyed streaks in her blonde hair. Her hair looks like a flame.

D: She loves roller coasters and amusement park rides. (Also: Her and Jon rode on the same carousel.)

E: She really loves arcade games. If she's on a job and she see's an arcade next door, she's totally begging Emma to take a five minute detour.

Fiona Law -

A: She really loves sweaters. She's always wearing one, and she spends a lot of the summer lamenting that she misses her favorite glittery cat sweater and she can't wait for the weather to get colder.

B: She loves a good pun. Especially animal puns or fear related puns. Michael does not understand why she find eye puns so funny, but he's to awkward to not roll with it.

C: Her favorite fear to investigate was The Lonely. She always thought it was a bit romantic with all the fog, and the nice cold weather and sea captains. Her least favorite was The Slaughter. She never liked gore.

D: She snorts and starts tearing up whenever she laughs.

E: She's diabetic, and uses a walking cane.

Emma Harvey -

A: She has the hobby of repairing old dolls. She actually does that occasionally on the side for extra money. Gertrude was worried she was with The Stranger when she mentioned this, but she was able to calm her down by telling a mostly real story about her childhood doll collection.

B: She was always a bit fond of The Stranger. The thought of having a lack of face that can help keep you under the radar is....well, a good one. Ironically, this thought process pushed her closer to The Web.

C: She often teased Gertrude about going grey a little earlier than her, she joked that she was officially an old women now and made many age related jabs. When she started getting spider webs in her hair, she stopped, scared that she would start paying closer attention to hers. Gertrude noticed she stopped, but she got sidetracked by her mission whenever she thought about asking why.

D: She's allergic to birds because of their dandruff. (This is a meta joke because Emma is an avatar of The Web, which is aligned with spiders, and birds eat spiders. I find this hilarious.)

Jon Sims - Eyes heal quickly, it only takes about 48 hours for a cornea scratch to heal. (New headcanon about why Jon couldn't cut his finger off just dropped.)

Martin Blackwood - One of the most expensive teas in the world is fertilized with panda poop. It costs about 200 dollars per cup. Early harvests costed about 3'500 dollars for a batch.

Tim Stoker - Architecture used to be an Olympic sport between 1912-1948.

Sasha James - The official name for the phobia of long words is Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.

Melanie King - The first ghost reference dates back to 1500 B.C.E. It was an exorcist tablet and "the tablet’s tale still tells of the ancient instructions on getting rid of unwanted ghostly guests in your home. The directions state that the exorcist must make figurines of a man and woman, prepare two cups of beer, and, at sunrise, speak a ritual that calls upon the Mesopotamian god Shamash, who was thought to be responsible for bringing the dead to the underworld. The idea was that the unwanted spirit would be transferred into one of the figurines."

Georgie Barker - The oldest cat ever recorded was named Creme Puff, and she lived to be 38 years.

Basira Hussain - When you're reading silently in your head, the muscles of your mouth, tongue and larynx are activate as if you were reading out loud.

Daisy Tonner - The earliest werewolf story is the Mesopotamian Epic of Gilgamesh. In the story, the goddess Ishtar turns a former lover into a wolf

Peter Lucas - "Mermaid sightings," were likely just manatees.

Elias Bouchard - Only 1/6 of your eyeball is visible.

Gertrude Robinson - A cat purring can be therapeutic! A cat's purr ranges from 25 to 150 Hertz, a frequency that can help bone density, tendon repair, and helping with breathing!

Gerry Keay - Tetrachromat is a genetic mutation that causes people to be able to see about 100 million colors. The average person can only see about a million.

Hezekiah Wakely -it can take anywhere from 100 to 1000 years to form one inch of topsoil,.

Jane Prentiss - Ophiocordyceps is a fungus that hijacks the nervous system and bodies of insects. It forces the insect to wonder around widely before they die. Then when they die, the fungus eats the body of it's host.

Agnes Montague - Throwing colored chalk in fire can change the color of the flames!

Jude Perry - The longest tattoo session ever recorded was 61 hours and 37 minutes.

Oliver Banks - Before color tv about 15% of people dreamed in color, today, about 75% do

Jared Hopworth - Adults have 206 bones. However, kids have 300 bones. This is because bones fuse together as you age!

Distortion Michael - The average person opens and closes a door 70 times a day.

Distortion Helen - About a third of people who get migraine headaches experience visual hallucinations. Flickering, tunnel vision, and seeing spots is all common.

Nikola Orsinov - Clowns are traditionally nicknamed "Joeys" after Joseph Grimaldi.

Michael Crew - In Tennessee, the landlock state, it is illegal to shoot animals from a car window. Expect whales. You are legally allowed to shoot whales from a car window. In a landlocked state.

Simon Fairchild - Flamingos aren't actually pink! They're white or grey when they hatch, but then their diet consistent of a lot of animals (especially brine shrimp.) that have a lot of carotenoids. These carotenoids are what make flamingos pink!

The Buried - You're a psychological study because this links back to childhood somehow. You either ate dirt or had to dig somewhere every time you went outside.

The Corruption - You're always vaguely sick (Coughing, sneezing, randomly dizzy.), yet despite this you are probably prefer The Corruption as a toxicity metaphor instead of just a blatant fear of illness.

The Dark - For claiming the dark is your favorite, you sure would love a star projector. The dark to astronomy pipeline is real.

The Desolation - This is not your favorite, Agnes Montague is your favorite.

The End - Your favorite season is winter, no I'm not elaborating.

The Extinction - You like making fan content after watching something more than actually watching something.

The Eye - You really resonate with Jonathan Sims.

The Flesh - 🏳️‍⚧️.

The Hunt - All your hobbies become personality traits and you're so real for that.

The Lonely - Go straight to therapy. Do not pass go. Do not get 200 dollars. Get off AO3. You know you shouldn't be reading those fics at 2AM. Yes. Those.

The Slaughter - Okay, "knows a lot about medieval torture devices and the paranormal," I see you.

The Spiral - You think spoilers make stories better.

The Stranger - You either don't like for people to know you, or your childhood was full of the fear of Ronald McDonald. Either way, there's a nonzero chance you are/were a theater kid.

The Vast - You want to be full of whimsy, but you're full of exhaustion and burnout instead.

But having said that, it's hard to imagine a man like Elias had no plans on what to do if he needed to change bodies fast. Which means:

A: He was so certain that Jon was going to cause the apocalypse he didn't truly think about.

I'm assuming you mean for TMA.

A: Melanie King/Sasha James. This one is criminally underrated. It's one of my favorite TMA ships and I need more content of them immediately.

B: Jonsasha is heavily underrated for how much drama and angst it could have if it stayed (mostly) canon compliant.

C: Michael Shelley (Human)/Jon. Someone who knows nothing X someone who needs to know everything.

D: Gertrude/Emma. It shocks me that Emma is said to be Gertrude's closest confidant in "Curiosity," yet no one ships them. Everyone says they want toxic older women yuri, but when it's on a silver platter there's no takers.

E: Agnes/Jon. This one could go crazy in the angst department. They're two people who feel doomed to their fate, and while Jon wants to fight it, Agnes has submitted. Honestly I think this one could be devastating.

F: Not Them/Nikoli. Nikoli is so cursed, this is the only ship I can imagine with her.

G: Julia Montauk/Daisy Tonner. This one would be crazy, but I also think it could be really compelling if after the coffin Daisy got to actually TALK to Julia and maybe that part of Julia that grew up known as the daughter of a serial killer could empathize with the more human parts of Daisy that knows she went to far.

H: Tim/Gerard. I don't know how this would happen, and a part of me thinks they would dislike each other (I don't know if Tim could get past the eye tattoo thing if he knew what the eye was, or the fact that Gerry was so involved with fears, and I think Gerard would struggle with Tim's preference for the naive world) but they're such snarky and fun characters I'd love to see them together. They have some really good fics on AO3 too!

I: Anabelle Cane/Agnes. The web spinner and someone caught in the webs of fate.

The Buried - I hate assigning the buried to characters. It's such a stupid specific criteria, oh yeah, sorry guys, no characters in this media want to be buried in dirt. So that's all to say, IDK.

The Corruption - The Paintress. (I feel like this placement might be controversial, but I stand by it.)

The Dark - Jar (Not being able to find your mistress because you can't hold light anymore, is very psychologically devastating.)

The Desolation - Alicia/Renoir.

The End - Verso.

The Extinction - Aline.

The Eye - Gustave/Lune.

The Hunt/The Flesh - Monoco.

The Lonely - Maelle.

The Slaughter - The Gestrals.

The Spiral - Sirene.

The Stranger - The Mimes.

The Vast - Esquie/Sciel.