MissFireStarter

yall hate ratatootie but who do u think is making ur food at olive garden huh!!??

No offense but I want to fall in love with someone who wants to fall in love with me

I don’t want to date. I just want to magically end up in a long-term and emotionally-secure relationship with someone cute

The second best pun I’ve ever encountered in the wild was when I was walking down the street in a “hip” part of Seattle and saw a couple of Budweiser cans thrown into a bush. And I said to a random stranger walking nearby “damn, the local beer harvest is really poor this year”. And the random stranger responded “give it time, they’re only buds”.

why is this the second what the fuck could top that

Ok normally I hate the edgy “what if everyone in this children’s show was actually DEAD and in the AFTERLIFE” type thing but. Total drama island is DEFINITELY set in Hell

i’m sorry, this is the funniest damn post i’ve seen since staff made the announcement 

@wonderswoman

two tops? you get a mountain. two bottoms? VALLEY BRO

i don’t know anything about geology

Are you (Mg,Fe2+)2(Mg,Fe2+)5Si8O22(OH)2?

I had to google that and i swear to fuck I will kill you

peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.

2002 peter parker had no health insurance

The gay PR guy in that came up with this Nintendo/Ariana crossover deserves a raise

since tumblr is getting deleted if you care to find me look to the western sky

What game is it? :O

Assassin’s Creed Odyssey