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@autisticpenguins
If you tell neurodivergent people they need to "get comfortable with being uncomfortable" I am putting gravel in your shoes. No you can't take the gravel out. You have to deal with it. Dealing with it makes you a better person. What do you mean "pointless suffering".
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Recovering from autistic burnout as a high-masking adult:
To recover, you literally need to manually learn skills that most people learn as a toddler
You need to learn what makes your body uncomfortable, and what to do to fix it
If you are high-masking, that usually means that you have learned to ignore every distress signal your body sends unless it is a distress signal that a neurotypical person would recognize. People have likely been unintentionally gaslighting you about your lived experience your entire life
If you feel bad or panicked for no reason, stop and try to pay attention to your body. Are you tense? You are likely feeling physical pain somewhere. If you've been gaslit about your pain your entire life, you might not be able to identify it.
Go through a sensory checklist.
SIGHT: Try closing and covering your eyes. If this gives you relief, the lights are probably too bright. You may also need differently-colored lights
SOUND: Cover your ears. Does this give you relief? If so, you may need earplugs or noise canceling headphones. You may also benefit from a neutral or pleasant background noise, like soft music or brown noise.
TOUCH: Are your clothes uncomfortable? Your chair? Your body? Do you feel greasy, like you need a shower? Do you need softer, sensory-friendly clothing?
TASTE: Do you need to brush your teeth or tongue? Would chewing on something help?
SMELL: Is there a strong or unpleasant smell in the room? Do you need to clean or empty a trash can? Would an air purifier help? Would a pleasant smell like a candle help?
INTEROCEPTION: Are you hungry? Thirsty? Tired? How is your posture? Are any of your muscles tight or sore? Scan your body slowly from head to feet, tensing and loosening each group of muscles. Going for a walk or doing a series of quick stretches may help a lot.
Learning how to do this stuff is not intuitive, if you've had an entire lifetime of gaslighting telling you that everything hurting you isn't a big deal and you're being dramatic over nothing.
This takes time, it takes work, it's not intuitive, and it's hard. Most people forget how hard it is, because they learned this as toddlers.
If you want to recover, you need to relearn your whole body. And get over your idea of "normal" and just wear the damn sunglasses and put on the headphones. If people stare, fuck em. You're disabled and they can deal with that.
THIS! THIS! THIS!
my partner said something that kinda rocked my world
When people feel they are broken, they feel guilt from others love. We love you regardless, we dream to see you get better, but we love you.
Project Hail Mary is so so beautiful when you read Gracie as aroace and autistic. Yes it’s a film about friendship but it means so so so much when it’s about someone who cannot feel love like most in society and struggles to make emotional connections. When Yao says “you just have to find someone to be brave for” it hits Gracie like a gut punch because he thinks he’ll never have that and so will never be brave. He has no hope to have the strong emotional connections that non-aroace people do. He physically stops in that moment, while the rest of the group keeps moving, he feels so isolated from everyone around him. When Stratt points out his lack of family, and when they have that conversation on the boat - he’s not alone per se, he has his kids and people he talks to, but he is incredibly lonely. There’s no one he feels understands him fully, no one (to quote the film) he would die for. And it is so so so important and so so wonderful that his person becomes Rocky. THE most important person EVER in his life is his best friend. Their FRIENDSHIP holds him together, inspires him to keep going, gives them both the joy and love and connection they need in their lives. A friend, nothing more, nothing different, can be the most important person in someone’s life. As Grace says to Rocky: “you gave me everything.”
On a personal perspective (as someone who is aroace) it is often difficult to really convey how much my friends mean to me. I don’t know if it’s different for allo folk, or if it’s just not something we tend to talk about in society, but THE most important people in my life are my friends. I don’t have anyone else, I will NEVER have any other kind of connection with people. The people that keep me going, the strongest emotional ties I have, are my friends. This is the feeling I think Project Hail Mary really conveys. There are several beats in that film that, if it were a romance plot, someone would have said “I love you”. Because they do love each other! In the same way we love the warmth of the sun and the green of spring and anything and everything that keeps you on this planet. Because a friendship can mean the world!
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I'm sorry WHAT
'lazy people don't feel guilty about not doing anything' is insane to me and I have been trying to make my brain believe it for a long time, it shocked me to my core when I first heard it
An important corollary to "if you were faking your mental illness, you could stop whenever you wanted."
[image description: a screenshot of a tweet from elle rose @ scretladyspider that reads "recently read "if you were lazy you'd be having fun" and it has completely shifted my perspective on my own executive dysfunction and ADHD"]
i am not a psychiatrist but i do find it really weird how autism checklists are so often focused on "outward" signs of autism rather than what is going on internally. i don't know how to explain it but "do you make eye contact with other people" feels like a much less relevant question than "how does it feel when you have to make eye contact with other people?"
while i'm here, the other one that always pisses me off is "do you interpret idioms literally, for example 'bull in a china shop'?"
well, no, obviously. i know what "bull in a china shop" means because that is a popular phrase with a clearly defined meaning. and if i hadn't heard it before, then i would still not interpret it literally, because it has the cadence of an idiom and i would probably be able to work out from context what it meant. what is the point of this question
third and final complaint: "are you good at noticing subtext?"
i feel like the problem with this question is best illustrated by a conversation i had with a friend a while back, where i said something like, "i feel very safe with you because you don't do subtle hints and you are always very straight-up with me about what you are thinking and feeling."
and he laid a hand on my shoulder and was like, look dude i'm gonna be straight up here. i am subtle with you constantly and you simply do not notice <3
@luckyybones hope you don't mind me screenshotting but you are actually so correct
Being like. Post-suicidal is so strange. Like hiiiii everybody im new I spent a good chunk of my life languishing and have like 3 or 4 lived experiences. But now I'm ready to fuck and party or whatever. Can we be friends. Im so happy to be here. Can we be friends
it’s just one of those croissant days
we love a recovery
i’m undiagnosing everyone’s everything. congratulations we are all free
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people say folks with adhd struggle with "delayed rewards" aka long term goals and as such we tend to focus more on short term rewards. what they don't talk about is that at when we Do accomplish long term goals we don't actually feel anything proportionate to the amount of work we did to achieve it. In my head I suffered for a while and then money spontaneously appeared in my bank account.
"Don't you feel satisfied that your windows are so clean now?" It sucked and it sucked and now I don't care. I just remember the sucking.
while I’m at it, i may as well post my “how kinky people look at sex reveals how autistic people experience the world better than anything else I have seen” post.
A majority of people in the world appear to view sensation like this: there are some feelings that are Good, and some that are Bad. Pain, of course, is Bad, fundamentally Worse than other sensations, like pressure or touch.
Some people are autistic. They spend their entire lives comparing being touched in ways they hate to being in pain, because people refuse to understand any other way. The world is hard to live in for them, because the feelings that hurt them are not categorized as Bad, and therefore what is torturous is not understood as torture.
Kink really unnerves a lot of people because it upends a lot of assumptions about how brains feel things. How can you want to experience something in the Bad category?
But I think kink better understands and allows for the actual complexity and reality of how brains feel things.
It’s actually more like this: There are very few, if any, actually inherently Bad stimuli. Instead, everything has a threshold at which it is unpleasant, even unbearable, and a threshold at which it is neutral or even good. Those are not necessarily opposite ends of the spectrum and can in fact overlap in weird ways. The intensity of a stimulus, or how much it pushes the limits of your processing, is not necessarily the same as “how much” stimulus, either.
Everyone is different in where their thresholds lie. There is a ton of diversity. This is…okay.
Furthermore, your thresholds are not fixed. You can adjust them a lot based on circumstances, such as how predictable the stimulus is, how much control you have over it, how much control you have over the rest of your environment, the amount of things you’re simultaneously processing, and so on.
In other words, if you experience something in an environment that is controlled, planned, and has low levels of unpredictability and extraneous stimuli, in a way that is curated to your ability to process it, that can cause a dramatic shift in whether you experience that thing as pleasurable or horrible.
Sometimes, people engage in otherwise unpleasant things in a controlled and agreed-to manner so those unpleasant things can become…good. Autistic people try to make their worlds as predictable, controlled and planned as possible so they can process “everyday” things with less pain. (And sometimes they do the first thing too.)
Honestly? I think what has convinced me most of this idea is seeing things people who are “anti-kink” say.
I see posts written by people who believe that doing a thing categorized as Bad in a sexual context is inherently going to cause harm, regardless of consent. The implication, though, in singling out “kink,” is that there is a “normal, natural” form of sex that is not “inherently harmful,” that lacks the characteristics that make pain, for example, harmful.
These people are regarding “normal” sexual activities, certain forms of touch or stimulation, to be inherently “safer” and less hurtful.
But to an autistic person, a touch may feel much worse than pain, no matter how gentle it appears to be. To an autistic person, many “vanilla” and innocuous acts might feel unbearable. But they don’t get treated with suspicion, because the people for whom they are Bad are not Normal.
When you are autistic, agency over your own perception is one of the biggest things you have to fight for in order to heal and be healthy. “This hurts me because *i* say it hurts me” is…basic. Because people don’t believe you when your hurts are non-normative.
“This feels good because *I* say it feels good” seems like it’s just the other side of the coin.
this is talking a lot about the autism piece in terms of what people DON’T like, but sometimes it’s the other way around. i’m extremely sensory seeking, and like being touched at pretty much all times. it helps ground me. to the point that, im pretty much always cuddling, holding hands, linking arms, etc with my friends and family (with permission of course!). but to a lot of people that sort of sustained touch is coded as romantic, and they find it weird, disgusting, and in some cases, even insinuate that i’m being secretly hurt or taken advantage of somehow and just don’t know it.
sound familiar?
this is a pretty tame example because tons of allistic people feel the same, but. yeah. this attitude of “there is 1 (one) universally Correct way to experience things” is frustrating whether we’re talking about kink or just plain old ableism.
Sometimes I randomly remember how the most important people of my life from like 6-7 years ago are not in my life at all anymore and that's sort of terrifying and also crazy to realize how you actually can survive loss beyond your comprehension and find happiness stronger and more suited for you if you keep going
Keep thinking about when my therapist explained to me that believing you are cursed is another form of believing you are special and I was like okay I see it
Too much movement makes your joints hurt and too little movement also makes your joints hurt. This would imply that there's an optimal amount of movement that allows your joints to not hurt. This is a lie.
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ID: “Happy “That sounds like a January problem” season to all who celebrate.” /end ID
As an autistic adult I love talking to autistic children or elders, because there’s something about autism that is so ageless. Autistic children are old, autistic elders are young. The children are wise, the elders have a sense of almost childlike wonder.
