Time To Shine With Autism!

Sometimes i just feel like there's alot of grief, hurt, pain, heartbreak, lost & Anixety

I lost a lot of people in my life... my grandma, my other grandmother (Mom) is what we liked to call her, my pop-pop's, my best friend Jade and more... I've felt so much slience in my life to where i have to grief in my own silence...

I'm like the glue to my family... the piece of the family that holds everyone together, the joy to my family, the happiness in my family... I just feel like i have to put a smile on my face to make sure that the people i LOVE and CARE about are okay...

The heartache is because im holding onto someone who doesn't want to be in my life anymore... I always thought that it was okay for him to stay in my life... but i was wrong... Its the heartache, the pain and the toxicity that i have hold onto with him in my lfie.

He made me feel the anger, the pain, the hurt, the gulit, the heartache, the loss. the madness, the anixety, the broken part of me that I didn't want to come too.. I thought holding onto him was going to bring the hapiness, the joyfulness, the laughter, the good parts of me back..

I had to realize that he was the main part that I couldn't let go.. he was the main part of my pain, my hurt, my heartache... he was part that I wouldn't let go of... so I let him I set him free... so...

I had to go to my village becuase they are the reasons why im here today.. they've been by my side for the long road and im so glad to call them my village, my family, my best friends. my reason to keep going. my reason to stay true to who I am, who i need to be and who i want to be.

Some of the parts wouldnt be there forever, Some of the parts you have to let go of and some of the parts you have to hold onto.. that was my toughest choice and that's my hardest lesson that i had to understand and realize.

I've never felt this kind of pain in my soul, mind or heart before.. It's like a burden part of me is healing from a love story gone wrong... But I'm healing and that's okay..

I've a few steps of healing from a broken heart..

take all the time for yourself to heal

spend time with loved ones and friends

write in a journal about how your feeling and what's going on in ur mind.

crying because it's okay to cry and let it all out.

delete all of your ex's social media and pictures of your phone.

listen to your body because your body is going through a lot..

Self Care is the best thing ever.

Sometimes I feel like i have to "give up" because I'm so hurt by all of it. Sometimes it feels like your whole entire world is falling apart or your not "good enough" for anybody or yourself..

Learning to process from a broken heart and learning to heal is hard but that's okay because it's part of life and it's part of going through a breakup..

I kept thinking about all the ways i could forgive myself from dealing with the toxicity shit, hurtful words, the pain, the anger, the hurt and the unable to control yourself because you couldn't do what's best for you.

It feels like it’s the ending of us. It feels like we’re parting ways.. it’s feel like our love or feelings are not the same as they are supposed to be..

It just seems like we keep doing this every single time. It’s like you don’t even know how I’m feeling or you don’t want to know. It always something about us.. I feel like I’m losing my best friend all over again. It feels like my heart is loosing a special place in it.

It feels like the arguing, the fighting and all of the bullsh*t is pushing me away from you. I don’t understand why it has to be like this.. I don’t want to feel this way or do this anymore

I love you soo much that I might have to loose you because my heart hurts and I’m tired. I just don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want us to do this anymore. I’m hurting, I’m crying, I’m loosing it all right now

It’s getting nowhere and I don’t think I can fight for this anymore. The pain hurts, my heart is tired, my body hurts, my mind hurts & my feelings are hurt.

So is this the end of us? Is this the end of almost being together for 5 years?

Life can be a test. Life can be a struggle. Life can be hard. Life can be sad. Sometimes Life will give you a test. 

Life gave me a test where I had to put my future before my past struggles. Learning from my past was the biggest test that I had to learn. I had to finally see who are my true friends and who aren’t my friends. i had to learn wheather I can be in love again or if i can’t be love again. I had to learn instead of putting my feelings away and inside of me. i had to put my feelings out and tell them how i feel. 

Life is a challenging place. Life is a mess when it comes to the changing yourself for the better. Sometimes Life will give the memories that you want to have and memories that you want to forget. But sometimes its okay because we can learn from our mistakes. 

The before Camile vs The New Camile.

Change is happening and the new and better version of myself has finally come out.

Let’s just say that I wanted to do something different for a change in my lifetime because it’s a new year to come.

So I dyed my hair red for a change in my lifetime.

I’m ready for something bigger and more meaningful and exciting in my life.

Ready for changes in my life. Something tells me that I can be ready for something new. I’m ready for the new year and I’m ready to the best version of myself that I can be for my family, my friends and myself.

Say hello to the new stronger, more confident, more ready Camile & say goodbye to the old Camile.

I got this feeling in my chest that something good is about to happen but then I got this other feeling in my chest that is telling me something bad is bound to happen sooner or later...

I just don't understand this feeling quite yet but im really sure that something bad or good is about to happen... sometimes I wish I could understand this feeling I'm feeling right...

a part of me is feeling hurt, pain, grief, broken, confused and emptiness and another part of me is feeling happy, proud, strong, good, amazing and proud.. I just wish I could understand this feeling I feel..

I don't feel like being hurt anymore and I don't feel like being sad anymore.. I just want to feel happy and a part of me is telling that something good and bad is about happen..

I just don't know what it is... I just wish it would come sooner than later but im anxious, scared, Shaky, upset, scared...

Summer of 2023 was the best and crazy season. I loved this summer because my best friends were the best because I got to spend time with them, catch up with them and laugh with them. I also got to spend some of my summer with Jeremy.

Most of this summer was spent with family because family was the best part about it. I got see my dads side of the family and I got see some of my favorite people.

But not that the summer is over it’s because I got spend some of the summer with my best friends and I got spend most of the time with my family. That’s the part that I’m happy about. Summer was good and hectic but it was amazing and I’m glad that to do and be with the people I love the most 😊

Summer was good and hectic but I got to spend time with my favorite people that I deeply love and care about the most ❤️

Beginning to start up a new program for me is a lot of anxiety and lot of nervousness.

Last year, I was in a new program called Project Search and let me tell you that program was one of the most hardest programs I ever been in.

Lots of meetings, Lots of learning how to manage your money, Lots of learning about the Metro system and learning to make a resume and a portfolio was one of the most hardest parts about the program. The other thing was trying to find a good job for me.

I had to learn how to make a schedule for my job and learning how to wake up on time. Staying on my job schedule was hard for me because if y’all know me by now I’m not a morning person. But it was hard and I graduated. Now I’m in a new program…

My new program is called SEEC. It’s a program where you have to go out into the community on your own and spend daily quality time with your person who takes you places. It was a lot of fun times (you can see my pictures on my Instagram) but I do like it but sometimes I don’t because it was a whole bunch of damn stress and anxiety for me that I just couldn’t take it anymore.

I’m going into a new program to help me find a job and I really think I’m going to like it because I get to go to jobs of my interests and see if I like it or not. But I’m really happy because I start on Tuesday! I’m excited because I’m experiencing new challenges for myself.

Sometimes you have to take the challenge of something new. You have to believe that you accomplish ur goals eventually because even though it’s hard sometimes and even though it’s scary at some points but eventually you’ll get there and you’ll be happy that you accomplished your goals and you made it through the hards time of it.

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