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This is absolutely devastating to hear. I know you want to get better but this isn't it. This isn't it and watching someone take advantage of your desperation is just disgusting. I'm so sorry.

I hope you find help in the future.

Hello, thank you for reaching out. While I was writing the original post, I expected some people to be suspicious of the route I have chose. I want to carefully address this.

I want to make it clear that I am not someone who denies western science and medicine. I am distrustful of American "corporate" hospitals and doctors. A patient cured is a customer lost.

Some say PMDD is a sensitivity to the hormonal drops before menstruation. There simply isn't enough research is women's health to say exactly what the cause of PMDD is. Birth control may level out those drops, but I am afraid of the side effects of BC.

TCM is not a scam. The "blockage" I am feeling is energetic. My doctor massages me which helps with my pain. Accupunture is not a scam or they wouldn't do it for thousands of years and millionsof peoplesayingit helped. I know I make it sound like I'm sooo poor and can't afford to go but it's $110 per session. If it's a total scam oh well, at least it did nothing rather than get me dependant on pain killers. I won't be homeless or not be able to feed myself.

I wanted to share this anon ask in full transparency for others struggling with PMDD and show there are multiple options for treatment.

Some of you may know from my posts that I have had struggles with PMDD (Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder). I started noticing symptoms of this when I was about 15, and I’m just now taking serious steps to treat and cure it a decade later. Because if I wasn’t going to, I was going to die.

I only work a part time job because my PMDD was debilitating. My back pain would keep me bed bound and I struggle socially. I don’t want to make this a vent post about my physical and mental pain but I do want to help those with similar struggles. So I’m sorry for not being too specific but if anyone is interested in a more transparent and straightforward post let me know. But basically because I am chronically ill I can’t work much so I am poor and had trouble accepting I could ever get treatment.

Luckily, I do have a very loving and supportive mom, dad, and fiance. Who understood my pain was real (and getting seriously concerning after a few freak outs) I realize this is a very privileged position. Fallon makes dinner when I can’t stand, my mom drives me to my appointments, my dad bought me a house (I live in an A-frame cabin he bought for $9,000) so I can afford to work part time. They have been my support team.

I am currently going to a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor to cure my period troubles. I have tried going to a western doctor about my issues and they just want to prescribe birth control, SSRI, muscle relaxers. I believe these drugs are just ways of masking my issues without treating and removing the problem. I am getting acupuncture, cupping, and keeping my feet warm! I may give updates on this if anyone is interested in hearing. It is far away from where I live and takes about 1/4th of my paycheck every session, unfortunately. She said I have a blockage, which were like the words I couldn’t find but 100% felt. When I have moments of clarity, I feel like the PMDD is a problem that can be literally pulled out of me and removed.

So, anyways. All of this to say, I recently had to sell a large majority of my wardrobe. To afford my treatments, my recent property taxes, a bit of credit card debt… Just got my paycheck after paying all that off and I have enough to pay next months bills, a start to an emergency fund!

I kept a few things that I love, a carry on luggage amount. But I think my lolita fashion chapter has ended for the time being. I know maybe it sounds sad… A dedicated collector selling the majority of her wardrobe to afford medical bills and cost of living. But I am not too sad about it. I really enjoy fashion in general. I wasn’t able to get a chance to wear the fashion much anyways now living back in an extremely rural town. I felt embarrassed, not kawaii and beautiful. My lolita style was a bit unconventional and unpopular anyways, though I’m really glad I was able to connect with some amazing people who were also Innocent World fans. I guess I’m just ready to close this book and do something else, for now.

On a happier note, I do have plans to move to Japan in October 2027. My fiance is joining the JET program and I will be saving money up in the meantime until then to support my means there! I will hopefully start feeling better soon after my 3rd or 4th round of acupuncture and be getting another part time job to save for that. I hope to have $20,000 in the bank by then! Maybe then, I will start wearing lolita again and sharing my fashion journey online. But for now, there will be not much new from me as I focus on healing and curing my PMDD and working hard to save money.