love who you are

✅ "I'm sorry you're struggling right now."

✅ "I understand. It's really hard to like yourself when society is structured in a way that actively hurts you."

✅ "That really sucks. Is there anything I can do to help?" (Only say this if you actually have the spoons to help.)

Don't say:

❌ a lengthy explanation of the social model of disability, unless they ask for it. People have trouble listening to new info when they're upset, and throwing a complex social theory at them won't help.

❌ "Don't hate yourself!" It tells them to stop feeling what they're feeling, and people can't do that.

Loop (2020)

Renee stimming

RAISE RED; DROP BLUE!

Becoming less verbal or nonverbal

Looking “spaced out” or detached from what’s happening 

Withdrawing, not wanting to be around people

Curling up in the fetal position

Hiding out under furniture, blankets, etc. 

As a few other posters have said, if the person shutting down is in a crowded, noisy, or otherwise threatening place, remove them to somewhere calmer and safer. Be gentle, since physical contact can make sensory overload worse.

Try not to ask too many difficult questions (and please do not ask them anything that could wait until later). Being in a shut down often makes executive dysfunction or language processing issues worse; even simple yes-or-no questions can be difficult to handle, either because it is frustrating to process the words, or to make a decision. Do not assume that they haven’t heard you if they don’t respond immediately.

I, personally, tend to be more prone to withdrawing or becoming irritable when I haven’t had food lately. If you know the person in question well enough to evaluate this, take this into consideration. The one question that’s always welcome to me is “do you want food?”. Not “have you eaten lately?” (requires memory + categorization), and not “what can I get you?” (requires decision making).

signs that their auditory processing isn’t working as well as it typically does, including frequently asking for things to be repeated for clarification (obviously the context matters with this one–if this is in a loud room or a room with several noises going on at once/if it’s a situation where most people would do this, then it’s likely not a sign of a shutdown, especially if no other signs are present)

not being able to give clear answers (ex. more frequent use of “i don’t know/care/understand”)

more difficulty processing what they’re seeing than is usual (can’t think of indicators of this)

having a harder time/not being able to read

basically anything indicating that their processing isn’t working as well as usual

obvious signs of increased anxiety/distress (rapid stimming, concerning expressions–looking expressionless, teary, angry, and/or frustrated, getting easily frustrated, unusual tone of voice/speech patterns)

most of these are signs i (sometimes) recognize in myself when i’m close to shutting down

and it’s important to remember that a couple of these doesn’t necessarily mean someone is shutting down, especially considering these should be changes and not just what’s typical for the person in question (ex. having constant problems processing audio)

some people also have individualized indicators, which you can find out by (as the previous commenter suggested) talking to/asking them

and if an autistic person tells you that they’re close to a shutdown or meltdown and they need something (to be somewhere with less stimulation, food/liquids, something to stim with, etc.) but they aren’t showing any signs of it, believe them anyway

Somewhere I read that a symptom of autism/ ASD is a tendency to feel victimized. Feel. And I couldn’t get that out of my head because there is a difference between saying that and saying “a tendency to be” victimized. Saying “feel” carries the implication that the victimization is in one’s head. 

There’s probably a reason people with ASD feel victimized:

1. Autistic children are more likely to be bullied. 

2. Autistic children are more likely to be abused.

3. Autistic children are more likely to experience sexual abuse and the abuse is less likely to be recognized because symptoms of being abused are often misinterpreted as “normal” autistic behavior. 

4. Autistics are more likely to be sexually assaulted because they are often taught compliance from a young age in therapies like ABA.

[Edit with more links on this topic]: Info On Autism & Sexual Assault Personal Essay On Why Autistics Are Vulnerable ABA Teaches Compliance Not Consent

5. Autistics are more likely to be unemployed.

6. Employers discriminate against autism, autistics are more likely to be bullied by their coworkers, and many autistics lose their jobs because of it.

7. Schools find loopholes to discriminate against autistic children. 

8. Autistiscs have a higher risk of experiencing police brutality. 

9. Autistics are being murdered by their own caregivers, and the murderer is often given a lighter sentence because the victim was viewed as a burden.

10. Autistics suffer because they are not given effective medical care.

Autistic fashion is a dozen unworn shirts in our wardrobe - you liked the colour, the pattern, the cut, but they itch and hurt and scratch; yet you keep them because you hope that one day maybe you’ll be able to wear them

Autistic fashion is stretchy worn-out jeans ripping at the leg seams after you’ve been wearing them since high school and the thought of throwing them away makes you choke back tears

Autistic fashion is taking blunt scissors and impulsively trying to cut off every single tag from your clothes, and accidentally unravelling something because you happened to cut open a seam

Autistic fashion is crying over socks on some days

Autistic fashion is a drawer full of old worn-out underwear because they’re stretched out and comfy

Autistic fashion is changing clothes twice a day in summer because sweaty fabric is sensory hell

Autistic fashion is wearing wristwatches all day or for half an hour, bracelets stacked halfway up your forearm or bare skin only ever covered by t-shirt sleeves

Autistic fashion is necklaces hidden under your shirt, because they’re for chewing or fidgeting but you don’t want anyone to see

“That’s right…. my son’s paediatrician says that my autistic way of parenting supports my son too well for him to be traumatised enough for a diagnosis, so we should let school traumatise him and come back later…

…Which brings me to thinking about how we identify autism in the children who are now being raised by autistic parents in a respectful and supportive way. The children who have experienced acceptance of their autistic neurology from birth and who have never been exposed to harmful therapies.

Like seriously, how is that a compliment?? Not only are you ignoring the difficulties I face, you’re insulting the other person at the same time!