Austen Memes

Emma.

I honestly would be more interested in a modern adaptation of Persuasion.  (I’ve actually have had a web series brewing on the back burner for a while)  But, if I had all the money in the world and could make a full length movie adaptation, here are some options.

Captain Wentworth: Oscar Isaac (obviously) here are the reasons why.

Anne Elliot: Ruth Wilson

Anyone who has seen her in the 2005 adaptation of Jane Eyre knows I’m right. She’s got the restrained passion down to an art form while never letting us forget her mind and wit.

Sir Walter Elliot: Colin Firth

You might find this an odd choice, but here me out.  Sir Walter was supposed to be a real looker back in the day, which is why Anne’s mother married him despite him being an idiot.  Colin Firth has proven time and time again that he is willing to make fun of himself and his persona.  Now imagine that energy being placed into Sir Walter’s vain dumb ass.  It’s beautiful.

Mary Musgrove: Anne Hathaway

Personally, I’d like to make a more sympathetic spin on Mary in my adaptation.  I’d first make her pregnant and that’s the reason Anne decides to stay with them for a while.  She and Charles would have a more stable, loving relationship even if they do drive each other crazy sometimes.  I’d also lean into the idea that she’s kind of the outcast of the family. 

Of the three sisters she spent the least amount of time with her mom, making Anne more of a mother figure than anyone.  She styles herself after Elizabeth because she’s away of the hierarchy of the family and wants to be at least acknowledged by her father who only seems to value Elizabeth. I just…I’ve got a lot of ideas about Mary that I think can make the story stronger and Anne Hathaway is probably one of the best actresses to balance airhead stupidity and hidden depth.

Charles Musgrove: Randall Park

He might be a little too old, but fuck it, it’s my dream team. Charles is at the end of the day a dumb ass, but he’s a sweet dumb ass who tries.  I want us to like Charles but see how he’s clearly not a fit for Anne while oddly being perfect for Mary.  Randall Park can pull this off in his sleep.

Elizabeth Elliot: Rachel Weisz

Elizabeth is the character most screwed over in any adaptation and you can quote me on that.

Book Elizabeth is vain, yes, but she’s refined, beautiful, and extremely intelligent in her own way.  We need to see that Elizabeth does have the goods to back up her high opinion of herself and her station.  We need to see Anne’s competition of affection and admirers. We need to see someone who is aging gracefully, at least on the outside.  In short, we need Rachel Weisz

Pride and Prejudice:

Emma:

Sense and Sensibility:

Mansfield Park:

Northanger Abbey:

Persuasion:

For weeks, Marianne, I’ve had this pressing on me without being at liberty to speak of it to a single creature. It was forced on me by the very person whose prior claims ruined all my hope. I have endured her exultations again and again whilst knowing myself to be divided from Edward forever. Believe me, Marianne, had I not been bound to silence I could have provided proof enough of a broken heart, even for you.